Solace of Shadows
by ObsidianDreamer1
Summary: The Force Bond. It was suppose to have ended at the death of Snoke. However, the Force has a will of its own and two souls, thought to be separated forever, are about to learn that there as some things that not even time and distance can tear apart.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **So this is my first time writing Star Wars fiction, so don't burn me too badly. This is a Reylo fanfic. It is based off of Rey and Kylo Ren, for those of you who do not know the nickname. My timeline is after The Last Jedi but before The Rise of Skywalker. For those of you who have not seen the last move, promise no spoilers. For those of you who have only see the first move, but not the other two, yes spoilers. My rating is T+, meaning older teen. Like 16 and up. Nothing graphic, but highly sensual. You have been warned.

**Also so that everyone is clear: I do not own Star Wars, I simply play in their world. Comments, so long as they are constructive, are ALWAYS welcome. Enjoy!**

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

_It started as it always did, with a dream. Awareness that I am dreaming, but unable to change it or better yet chase it away. I hate my dreams. They are full of loneliness, a crushing emptiness that cannot seem to be filled. _

_ I brace myself for what I know is coming, me walking into the dark cave, knowing that I am forever alone. Constantly being reminded that my parents never wanted me, threw me away as if I were...worthless._

_ Trash._

_ But something is...different. I don't feel the chill on my skin, the damp of the air, the suffocation of being trapped._

_ Instead of walking I am...lying down? I reach out a hand, the bed is hard...but the sheets are soft, silken to my touch, like flowing water. The air is cool but not chilly. My heart is pounding, my pulse racing and I don't know why. _

_"I did not expect to find you here, of all places."_

_ That voice, I keep my eyes close and wonder what sort of madness my dreams have taken on for me to dream of...him._

_ Kylo Ren, also known as Ben Solo, son of Han and Leia Solo. _

_ The enemy of the Resistance...and the man who offered me his hand to walk by his side._

_ Forever, he told me, never to be alone. _

_ I turned from him, turned my back on his offer. Telling myself that I was doing this for the Resistance._

_ His voice is just like I remember, soft but touched with hints of darkness, at once caressing and drowning me in equal measure._

_ After our last...conflict, I had not thought to dream of him. _

_ Yet here I was, listening to his voice...savoring the way he still makes me feel. _

_ Not alone. _

_ "I know you're awake, Rey. You're breathing has altered. Why keep up the pretense."_

_ He was always so observant. It was as though I could hide nothing from those dark eyes of his._

_ Drowning eyes, pools of darkness that were so haunted with pain...with a sadness that had matched my own._

_ I was already opening my eyes, turning on my side to look at him._

_ He was still dressed all in black, but not in the uniform of the First Order. His robe flowed around him like water, open to revel the smooth expansion of skin that had this been real, would have left me blushing and adverting my eyes. Instead I indulged my need to look at him, appreciating the strength of his body, the controlled power that he wore so easily. _

_ I lifted my eyes to his face, his eyes devouring me even I stared unashamedly at him. His hair was a controlled chaos, still uncut as the midnight strands caressed the edges of his shoulders. _

_ I clenched my fingers. I loved his hair, wishing I could reach out to touch it. I prayed, secretly, that he would never cut it. I liked the way it looked on him, a wildness, something untamed that made me believe he wasn't as controlled as he would like others to believe. _

_ His eyes drew me, helpless to ignore the raw need I saw whenever he looked at me._

_ As though I were the only thing, the only person, who mattered to him. _

_ The scar I had given him, our very first battle, had faded but I could still see the fine line that traced down the left side from brow to chin. _

_ I wanted to touch him, to tell him how sorry I was that I hurt him. _

_ But words escaped me and I could only stare at him, wondering why my dream had taken this from._

_ Not Kylo, the Supreme Leader of the First Order and not Ben Solo, the lost son of Han and Leia. _

_ But something...that reminded me of both sides of him. The power of Kylo, yet the tenderness that was Ben. _

_ "Where...where am I?"_

_ My voice sounded strange to my ears, soft and uncertain...yet anticipating. _

_ A tilt of his lips, the echo of a smile that made my stomach clench and my breath catch. _

_ How could I have forgotten how beautiful he was, the way he could devastate me with just a look?_

_ "My personal quarters, of course."_

_ That explained why he was dressed...like he was. Getting ready for bed. Curiosity overcame me and I sat up, looking around. A hunger inside of me wanted to know everything about him._

_ What was he like when he was not Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. _

_ His quarters were...stark. Pure white with bits of technology scattered about, a single window that gave a startling view of the vast darkness of endless space._

_ Out of the corner of my eyes was a pedestal with something on it...something that was pure black, a glint of metallic. But I was too far away to get a good look at what it was. _

_ My eyes wandered back to Kylo, who was at the window, a small sitting area that could be used to observe the outside. Yet he remained standing, silhouetted by the flash of stars. _

_ A dark god, given mortal form. _

_ A shadow on the small seat and I saw, to my surprise, that it was a book. An old-fashioned book that was made of actual paper and leather. More than curious as to why Kylo had such an item in his quarter, I got up from the soft bed and moved closer to him._

_ "What are you doing?"_

_ Confusion in his voice...hesitation yet no anger. _

_ I liked this side of him, the side that only I got to see._

_ "This is my dream,"I murmur softly as I reach his side, "so I can do what I want in my own dream."_

_ "So this is a dream, is it?"_

_ There was something in his voice, something that perhaps I should have been paying more attention to, except I could see the book clearly now...and it was nothing that I expected._

_ The title was 'The Life and History of Alderaan.'_

_ Alderaan. His mother's home planet, the one that had been destroyed during the first war with Emperor Palpatine._

_ I looked up at him, a wariness in his gaze yet he made no move to hide the book. _

_ "You miss her, don't you?"_

_ "I...Yes."_

_ Such a stark answer, but the grief...the loss in that single word made my heart clench in pain to hear it._

_ I didn't realize I had moved until I saw that my hand was reaching for him. He could have stopped me but he had closed his eyes and was still as I lifted my fingers to brush stands of midnight from his haunted eyes that were now looking directly at me._

_ "She misses you too. There is a far away look in her eyes, when she thinks no one is watching. She is looking for you, always."_

_ His hand, free from the dark gloves he constantly wears, touches mine. Heat blooms where he touches me and I shift closer to him. _

_ "Why are you here?" A harsh demand in his voice, his fingers closing around mine, yet gentle...so gentle. _

_ "I...I'm lonely."_

_ The words I never intended to speak, escape from my lips. _

_ "Seeking comfort in the arms of your enemy?"_

_ Cruel words...but his eyes are not. They search mine, seeking deception in my response._

_ "You are not my enemy, not here in my dream."_

_ He wraps his arm around me, pulling me even closer until I pressed up against him, the heat of his skin like a brand._

_ He lets go of my hand and I cannot understand why I feel the sudden loss, a pain that would have made me turn away...except now he is touching my hair._

_ "I've never seen you with your hair down."_

_ I blink and it makes me smile, of all the things he could have said, I did not expect that._

_ It seems my dream Kylo/Ben is full of surprises. _

_ "I'm usually training or building something. Long hair has a tendency to get in the way of my duties."_

_ He is still touching my hair, an intensity in his eyes that hold such intimacy, I can feel the heat in my face._

_ "Do...do you like it down?"_

_ I feel shy, uncertain and wonder why I feel this way. I mean it's not like his answer is...important._

_ I can taste the lie even as I think it. _

_ "It's beautiful...softer than I ever imagined. Don't ever cut it."_

_ I give a short laugh at his demand. "It's my hair, you don't get to decide what I do with it."_

_ His fingers leave my hair, to lift my chin so that I have to tilt my head up to look at him. _

_ I always forget how tall he is, how I feel so...female around him. _

_ A stark reminder of my own femininity against the sheer overwhelming maleness of him. _

_ "Please," a husky words full of sensual meaning, "for me, Rey."_

_ I lift my hand and cover his own that still hold me captive. "I promise...for a price."_

_ Again that ghost of a smile that hovers on his lips. "What price would that be?"_

_ "Don't cut yours. I...I like your hair just the way it is."_

_ Not quite a smile, but his eyes are somehow...lighter. _

_ "Done."_

_ I cannot help the grin that spreads across my face, a tickle of butterflies in my stomach. _

_ Why can't it always be like this, between us? _

_ Something is pulling at me, and I lose my smile. Kylo's grip on my face strengthens._

_ "Rey? What is it?"_

_ "I...I think someone is calling me, I have to wake up now."_

_ "Don't go. Stay."_

_ I look up at him, the unguarded longing in his eyes and I feel the tears come into my own._

_ "I want to," I confess to him, "I want to stay like this with you...but this is a dream. It isn't real, no matter how much I want to stay...I still have to wake up."_

_ Again a pressure in my mind and I can hear, just faintly, voices calling to me. _

_ "Rey."_

_ My name, a demand on his lips. _

_ "Kylo...Ben, I...I have to go."_

_ "Come back to me."_

_ Why does this feel so real? Tears fall from my face and I turn and quickly kiss the palm of his hand, tasting the salt of his skin. _

_ I can feel the shock go through him and he falters, his grip loosening. Even though this is a dream, I wrench myself out of his arms. _

_ His room begins to blur, whites edges softening around me but he remain precise, unchanged even by my waking mind. _

_ "I...I have to go...when I dream...I hope that it will be of you. I don't feel so alone when I am with you."_

_ He is speaking to me but I can't hear, the dream is gone and I wake up._

"Rey! Rey can you hear me!"

I turn around and look, with shock, to see Finn staring at me with wild eyes.

"Finn? What...?"

He crushes me into his arms, nearly knocking the wind out of me.

"Don't scare me like that! We were talking about fixing the power coupling and you said you were going to check on a part but you didn't come back. I found you at your station, just standing there. I tried calling out for you but you didn't answer. I even had Leia come and check on you and she said to leave you...some kind of Jedi force trance...Rey?"

I had wrenched out of his arm, unable to comprehend his words.

_Jedi force trance...then...what I said about it being a dream..._

Oh gods, that was no dream. The force bond. The one that Snoke had created and I thought had be destroyed by his death...I hadn't been in a dream. I had been force bonded with Kylo...

"Rey? Are you okay?"

"I...I'm fine." I forced the chaos in my mind in be silent. The memories, the _feelings, _I pushed them into a small box and placed a mental lock on the box.

I gave Finn my best smile, which seemed to calm him.

"I'm still learning this Jedi stuff, so I guess it takes me longer to readjust. Why don't we finish working on that power coupling?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Hey...are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should, I dunno, talk to Leia about your...vision...or whatever it was that you saw."

I shook my head. _Oh yes, I can see myself going up to Leia and telling her exactly what just happened. 'Leia, did you know your son and I are force bonded and I somehow, without realizing it, ended up in his private quarters and we talked and laughed...and he touched me and made me feel like I belong at his side'..._

I shook my head again. "No, it was...nothing special. Luke warned me that the more in tune I become with the force, that this could happen. Just another...learning experience."

I told the lie with an ease that at once made me feel awful...and yet that moment I had had with Kylo...that was _mine_, no one else needed to know about it.

No one but myself...and Kylo.

I shook myself out of the memory, the lingering sensation of his touch on my face...his fingers in my hair.

I could still feel the heat of his skin next to mine, even as I walked back to the Falcon to do repairs.

_Even if I thought it was just a dream...I meant every word I said. _

So where did that leave me on how to deal with Kylo? I wish I had an answer, but I didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Chapter 2! As you have probably read, this story takes place in first person POV. However, not to make things too confusing, I have listed the names of each person who is telling the story, basically so you see it through their eyes. Hope that clarifies any confusion. I really enjoy writing this and I love the characters and I hope you enjoy my work as well.

**Disclaimer: **I do not, nor have I ever, owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **As always all comments, as long as they are constructive, are most welcome!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

"Supreme Leader, a moment of your time."

I clench my fist, the only sign of anger that I will permit to be seen. I know that voice and it grates on my every nerve.

Huxley. The toady that had belonged to Snoke. The only reason I allowed him to live after I killed Snoke was that it gives me great pleasure to see him have to bow his head before me.

I knew he hated me and that hatred blinded him, made him easy to manipulate. To use.

"You have less than a minute."

I had other matters that required my attention.

Huxley rattled off information regarding the Resistance. I only half-listened, interested because it revealed that my mother was still alive...and so was Rey.

"Report your findings to the rest of the generals. Begin reconnaissance on the outer galaxy of Pentaris. If these pockets you speak of still remain, we will wipe them out soon enough."

"Yes but..."

I have had enough of his voice, I simply reach out with the Force and cut off the oxygen to his windpipe. I don't even need to turn around to do it. I can hear him gasping and a part of me wants him dead, but instead, I let him go.

He falls heavily to the floor, making pathetic gasping noises as air once more circulates through his body.

"Don't ever question me again, Huxley. You may not find me in the generous mood I am now."

I turn to the storm troopers who flank my side, personally trained by me. "I'll be in my training hall, do not disturb me unless we are under attack from the rebel leaders themselves."

"Sir!"

The training hall is my own personal sanctuary. A place where I can let go, a place where I can control the chaos constantly at war inside of me without the continual watching eyes and ears of the generals. I am well aware that they are waiting for me to fall, to make a mistake so that they can squabble over the remains of my carcass long before it has cooled.

I will give them no such satisfaction. I have seen too much, done to much, to give up everything now.

I shed my cloak, my helmet, all the cumbersome items that make me the 'Supreme Leader'. Deception is as much as a power as the Force.

I dress as I always do when I am training with my saber. Black sleeveless top, tucked into synleather pants, tucked into rancorhide boots. I've shed my outer armor but left my short gloves on.

I go through the basic warm-up exercises, something that my...Luke drilled into me when I was a boy.

One of the few things that he did right and I kept. Not out of sentimentality, but practicality.

A strong foundation can leave no weakness, nothing to exploit.

Normally I would have had sparring droids brought in to hone my reflexes but after the past few weeks...I needed this time to myself.

To work out the chaos that _she _had made of my emotions.

Rey.

I ignite my red saber, the color that all Sith use, and go through my routine.

Slash, turn, thrust and duck.

Even as I begin to sweat, I cannot keep the memories at bay...

_I had just finished with my shower, cleaning away the last of the dirt after taking over another world for the First Order. _

_ Yet another planet bowing before the might of the Order and still I took no pleasure from it. _

_ There was only one thing I truly desired...and she had turned from me. So I channeled my frustration, my anger my...hurt, into the First Order. _

_ But that did nothing to quell the loneliness I felt gripping my soul. It was during these times of...doubt, that I turned to something familiar. It was not the crushed helmet of my grandfather, Lord Vadar, but a rather simple object._

_ The only item I had taken with me when I destroyed Luke's school and made my way to Snoke's side to being my training as a Sith._

_ The book my mother had given me, as a reminder of her love. _

_ Even after all this time, all that I had done, I could not hate my mother. _

_ It was a weakness no one would ever learn about, for I would kill them before they could even speak of it._

_ I had left my mother's book next to the window, one of few places that actually gave solace. _

_ Yet when I walked into my room, what was in there was nothing I could have anticipated._

_ There, on my bed, was Rey._

_ The one woman I could not have, and the one I could not let go of. Her back was turned to me and I saw that her hair, so normally confined, was left loose._

_ Silken strands of sable with just a glint of red, splayed out like a fan across my pillow. I clenched my fist in an effort to quell my desire to simply cross the room and bury my fingers in her hair, to see if it felt as silken as it looked. _

_ She was dressed...differently this time. Gone was the gray tunic and beige pants. Instead she wore...something very similar to Jedi clothing. White, sleeveless tunic that hugged the sleek lines of her back, showing off the curve of her hip. White pants cut just below the knee's, yet her feet were bare. I never realized how delicate she looked, lying there on my bed._

_ The force of her personality, her will, made her seem larger than her actual physical appearance. _

_ I wondered how she had come to be in my quarters...and then I knew what this was._

_ The Force Bond. The one I thought had broken when I killed Snoke. It would seem that the Force had other idea's about us._

_ I was wondering how she was going to react to this particular situation when I heard the minute change of her breathing. _

_ I knew she was awake and I knew she was aware of me. There was nothing about Rey that did not have my absolute attention._

_ "I know you're awake," I tell her, keeping my words soft, so as not to spook her. She is like a andalorian cat, all claws and wariness until the trust is earned and only then will they come to you willingly. _

_ She makes no sound and I sigh, wondering at what game she is playing now. _

_ "Your breathing has changed, why keep up this pretense?"_

_ A shift in her body, I move towards the window, a direct line of sight to the bed that allows me to watch her...unobstructed. _

_ She turns and her eyes are open, yet slightly unfocused. I wonder at it...and then I realize she is staring at me, not with hatred or wariness or even, I clench my hand, pity I have seen in her gaze._

_ Instead her eyes are soft, a smoldering gaze as she leisurely looks me over. I can see the lust in her eyes and it is a physical caress to my senses. It seems I have a reason to be grateful that I did not change back into my uniform right away._

_ To see that look in her eyes...it is something I had only dreamed of. _

_ "Where...where am I?"_

_ I have to steady my breathing, does she know what she is doing to me? Her voice...had it always been that husky, so full of need that makes me want to take her in my arms._

_ She is in _my _bed, where she belongs. But there is something...off about her, something I cannot explain so I keep my distance. _

_ For now._

_ "In my personal quarters," I tell her, somewhat amused with her ignorance, "of course."_

_ Her reaction is not what I expected. She does not startle, does not demand to know why she is there...or where her precious friends are at._

_ Instead she sits up, a sensual grace that already has my body reacting, a punch of lust to my gut that I had not prepared for it, would have sent me to my knee's. _

_ Her head turns, taking in my personal quarters and I can the blatant curiosity in her luminous gaze._

_ I had not seen this side of her and I am enchanted by the change I see._

_ She turns once more back to me and I catch her eyes, refusing to break contact. _

_ Her pupils are dilated and her mouth, such lush softness, is open slightly in surprise. _

_ It is all I can do not to drag her to my side and taste her mouth, to drink from her lips and demand that she be mine._

_ Belong only to me. See only me._

_ She does not speak, her silence calming and yet out of character for her and it puts me on alert._

_ There is a stain across her cheeks, a delicate blush that I know that I am the cause of and I smirk silently, at least she is aware of me in the physical sense. _

_ Something else catches her attention and I realize she had seen the book that I had intended to read._

_ Once more I see the spark of curiosity in her eyes and she moves off of my bed, a haunting grace that speaks of power and control. Only a Jedi, or a Sith, could hold such beauty with so simple an action. _

_ "What are you doing?"_

_ My words sound confused even to my ears...and that is how I feel. She is moving towards me...not away. _

_ No demands that I return to the Light, no pleads to stop my quest for power. _

_ Then she speaks...and she shatters everything that I could have predicted. _

_ "This is my dream," her voice sensual with a hint of mischief that disarms me, "So I can do what I want in my own dream."_

_ She doesn't think this is real, that her mind is sleeping and I am but a figment of her dream._

_ Interesting._

_ "So this is a dream, is it?" I murmur the words softly, wondering how long before she realizes that this is no dream and quite real. _

_ She moves closer, so close I could touch her...and then her gaze shifts and it is then that she has seen the title of the book that no living person, save one other, has seen._

_ She does not move to touch...and I do not move to stop her from looking at it. _

_ My one weakness that even I cannot bring myself to destroy. _

_ I wonder what she is thinking and then her eyes come back to me and there is no pity, no cruel malice._

_ All I see is understanding and it loosens something that is clenched hard around my heart._

_ "You miss her, don't you?"_

_ Her voice is soft, delicate and I have no resistance against it. She does not need to speak my mother's name. I know who she is talking about._

_ A part of me wants to dissemble, to lie to protect this weakness inside of me._

_ Yet here, in this moment, I do not._

_ "I...Yes."_

_ I feel as though it is being pulled from my soul, this confession that I miss her. _

_ My mother. _

_ It is a pain that is always with me, I cannot escape it. _

_ I don't remember closing my eyes until I feel something on my face. Shock that I left myself unguarded I snap my eyes open to take control back...when I see Rey, her eyes wide and vulnerable...her fingers brushing my hair from my eyes. _

_ Her touch leaves a trail of fire that is both cruel pleasure and the sweetest pain. _

_ She is speaking and I wrench my mind away from sensation of her touch to focus on her words._

_ "She misses you too," so quiet her voice, yet her fingers do not leave my hair and I bow my head, slightly, so she can keep doing it, "her eyes have a far away look, when she thinks no one is watching her. She's looking for you, always."_

_ Her words are both a balm to my soul...and fuels the chaos in it as well. My mother, who I believed abandoned me to my fate, still looking for me._

_ To come back. To be forgiven._

_ Her fingers continue to stroke my hair and I grab them, wondering if she is here to torment me with her words._

_ With her presence. Wondering if this isn't some elaborate game she is playing with me. _

_ Yet even as I grab her hand, I cannot hurt her. Instead I pull her closer to me, so close I can feel the heat of her body. _

_ It is becoming apparent that the Force Bond between us has grown stronger._

_ I could never have reached her like this and though I know she is not truly here, I can still touch and that is all that matters right now. _

_ "Why are you here?"_

_ My words are harsh, but the chaos in my soul is demanding an answer. She does not flinch, does not turn away from me._

_ Instead I see shadows once more in her eyes, a sadness that matches my own._

_ "I...I'm lonely."_

_ Whatever it was that I was expecting to hear...this was not it. She trembles in my grasp and she averts her eyes and something in me will not allow to look away from me._

_ From us._

_ I let go of her hand, such delicate skin, to lift her chin, forcing her look up at me. _

_ I am using my height to my advantage, yet I am the one held captive my her eyes. _

_ "Seeking comfort in the arms of your enemy?"_

_ I meant for the words to be mocking, to remind her that she rejected my hand._

_ Rejected me. _

_ Yet, I find myself tensing in lieu of her answer. I truly have no idea how she feels about me._

_ Not now. Not like this. _

_ Her eyes glimmer with tears, and it is nearly my undoing. My Rey is so strong, a courage that is endless and a will of pure flame...and yet there are tears in her eyes._

_ Tears that I caused, with my words._

_ I mean to let go, to tell her to leave...and then she speaks._

_ "You are not my enemy. Not here, in my dream."_

_ I pull her to me, needing to feel the truth of her words. _

_ She fits her body against mine, like she was made just for me. I can smell the forest in her hair, along with the scent of a flower I cannot name and the oil from the parts she likes to tinker with. _

_ I am lightheaded with her scent, starving for a taste of her._

_ Her hair brushes my shoulder and I give into the temptation of touching her. I release her chin and thread my fingers through the thickness. Her hair...I never want to stop touching her, it is like cool silk sliding through my fingers and I feel as though I am drunk on the scent. _

_ "I have never seen you with your hair down," I murmur, keeping her body next to mine, she is not fighting me and I take full advantage of her sweet compliance. _

_ I look down at her and see the surprise in her eyes. I could get use to putting that look in her eyes._

_ "I'm usually training or fixing something and long hair can get in the way." Her tone in practical, and I expect no less from her, but then she disarms me once more by showing me a side of her I have never glimpsed before._

_ "Do...do you like it down?"_

_ Hesitation in her words...a woman seeking confirmation that she is desirable. _

_ I have never seen Rey doubt anything about herself, yet she is asking me how I see her. _

_ If I find her desirable. I would have laughed at the obliviousness of her nature, except lust has me walking a find edge. _

_ "It is beautiful," I tell her, not bothering to hide my desire as once more I see the stain of red across her cheekbones, "it is even softer than I imagined. Don't ever cut it."_

_ I know I am making demands of her, demands that I have no right to make but I have already decided that she is mine. _

_ I will give her to no one else. _

_ Her sudden laughter is...unexpected, a blow to my senses and yet I want to hear it again. I want to be the only person who makes her laugh like this._

_ "It's my hair," she tells me that spark of defiance that amuses me to no end, "You don't get to tell me what I do with it."_

_ Tart words...yet there is no anger in them, and I know at that moment, she is teasing me. _

_ Well if she wanted to tease, then I will show her what it means to tease a man. _

_ I reluctantly let go of her hair, but only so I can recapture her chin, so that she cannot look away from me._

_ I let the desire I feel, the raw need that is with me every time I see her, fill my eyes. _

_ Once more I hear her catch her breath, the dilation in her eyes tells me she feels it too, this pull between us._

_ "Please," I murmur, using my voice to seduce her into complying with my demands, "for me, Rey."_

_ Her hand covers mine and for I moment I think she wants me to let go, but then I see the spark of mischief in her eyes and I know she is touching me...because she can._

_ Because I want her to touch me. _

_ "I promise," she tells me and satisfaction steals through every cell in my body, but she is not done. "But for a price."_

_ Again she is teasing me and I can feel my lips curving upward, but I contain it, not wanting to give her more leverage over me._

_ "What price would that be?"_

_ I wonder what she will ask for and at that moment she could ask me to split open my vein and I would not hesitate._

_ Just so she would keep looking at me with that light in her eyes. _

_ "Don't cut yours." A tremble in her voice, "I...I like your hair the way it is."_

_ My Rey finds me attractive, enough to make her own demands of me. _

_ Demands I am more than willing to meet._

_ "Done."_

_ There is no hesitation in my words. If keeping my hair like this brings that look in her eye, then it is a small enough demand to meet. _

_ Her eyes...it is as though the sun has burst in her eyes and the smile across her face is so unguarded, so_ joyful, _that I know I will kill any man who dares look at her like this._

_ This joy, this is mine. I gave this to Rey. No one else. _

_ But just as quickly it fades and her eyes get a far away look. Once more I see the sadness in her eyes and I hate it. _

_ Something is wrong...I can feel a dissonance in the Force. _

_ "Rey? What is it?" I want her attention back on me. I don't want her dwelling on the past...or a future that doesn't include me. _

_ "I...I think someone is calling me," an ache in her voice, "I have to wake up now."_

_ Right. She still believes this is all a dream. I want to tell her this is real, _I'm _real but I can feel her pulling away from me. _

_ I can't let her go. Not again._

_ "Don't go. Stay with me." I put the demand in my voice, using a touch of Force to anchor her here with me._

_ A spike of pain in my head and it is a warning I am straining my power, trying to hold the distance between us. _

_ She looks at me and once more there are tears in her eyes and I want to beg her not to cry. There are some things I can't bear to see. _

_ Rey crying is one of them._

_ "I want to," she whispers to me and I can feel her pain but I can also feel her slipping away from me, "__"I want to stay like this with you...but this is a dream. It isn't real, no matter how much I want to stay...I still have to wake up."_

_ I can't hold the Bond any longer and I know our time is up. This one moment of stolen happiness. _

_ A single tear slips down her face and I know, without a doubt, I am hurting her. _

_ "Rey."_

_ I have to let her go...but I can't. I want her here, with me, by my side._

_ Forever. _

_ I will lay the galaxy at her feet, she has but to ask. _

_ "Kylo..." a choked plea,"Ben...I have to go."_

_ My name, both of them, on her lips sets off lightning through me. But then I feel her mouth on my hand, on my skin, kissing me and the tactile sensation overpowers my control and I cannot stop myself from loosening my hold on her _

_ She is away from me in that split-second of loss. _

_ "Come back to me."_

_ My words are both a plea and a demand. _

_ She turns back to me and I can see her figure blurring, the Force is pulling her away from me. _

_ Again._

_ I see her smile, full of heartbreak and loss and in that moment, she is once more back with me. Only this time it is her own will using the Force to keep her here._

_ "I...I have to go...when I dream...I hope that it will be of you. I don't feel so alone when I am with you."_

_ She turns away from me, her form already fading. _

_ "Rey!" I call out to her, desperate that she hear me, "It's not a dream! We're still connected! You're not alone!"_

_ But she doesn't turn back and just like that she's gone. _

_ My body, already pushed to the edge by holding the force bond for so long, gives out and I fall onto the cushioned seat, the cold glass cutting though the thin robe I'm wearing._

_ My hip hits something sharp and I look down to see the book, my mother's book, next to me._

_ We are still connected, I tell myself, and I will find you again. I will reach you and this time, you will know it is not a dream._

_ I look out the window, sending my thoughts out on the Force, willing them to reach her. _

_ Rey, I am coming for you, wait for me. _

I wrench my mind away from the memory that is over two weeks old. Two weeks since I last saw her, since our last Force Bond. I have been trying to establish a link with her...but like before, it is erratic. I am starting to wonder if our own minds must be sync to reach each other on the Force level.

I wonder if she is blocking me. The Rey who touched me, who looked at me with such happiness in her eyes, thought me to be a dream.

_Then dream Rey, _I think to myself, sweat pouring off of me as I lean against wall, the hum of my saber nothing but background noise, _dream of me and come back. Come back to me...I need you. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A**uthor's Note: Chapter 3! I can't promise regular updates, but I will do my best to try. Thank you to everyone who has read my story, left a comment or is simply following along. I hope you are enjoying reading this as much as I am telling it.

**Disclaimer: **As always; I do not, nor have I ever, owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **I love all of my reviews. They inspire me to do more.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

One month.

Four endless weeks.

That was the last time I had seen him. Kylo...Ben. My dreams...they were silent. No more nightmares.

But no more Force Bond with him either.

Was he thinking of me? What were the words he was trying to tell me that I couldn't hear?

My eyes are gritty from the lack of sleep. I know the nightmares are gone, but I also know they always return.

I can't escape them, it's like and endless loop in my mind.

It's not just the nightmares that keep me awake. If I close my eyes, will I see him?

There is a part of me that wants, desperately, to see him. To reach out to him, to know that he still thinking of me.

That I am still...connected to him.

That is the part that scares me the most. Do my feelings make me a traitor to everything we have been fighting for?

Yet I can't stop thinking about him.

Worrying about him.

Does he sleep, with the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders? I doubt it. Who does he turn to when he is alone? When he doubts himself, like I know he does.

No one. He is always alone.

He offered me his hand, to stay at his side...and I turned away.

From him.

"Rey? Rey."

A touch on my shoulder and I turn, startled, to see General Organa staring at me with concern on her weathered face.

Ben's mom. I wish I could open my mouth and tell her about him. How he still has her book, that he still loves her.

"Are you alright?"

"I...I'm having trouble sleeping."

I didn't mean to tell her but she is the one person I can turn to who doesn't ask me questions I can't, or won't, answer.

In many ways she is easier for me to talk to than Luke was.

"Are you? When was the last time you took time for yourself?"

I give her a dry look. "There's a war going on, General. A bit hard right now for 'me' time."

"Yes, there is a war going on and one you will not live to see the end of if you burn yourself out."

I opened my mouth to argue, but then she gives me that look, the one with the steel in it and I snap my mouth shut.

I listen instead.

"Not too far from here is a, well, let's call it a training ground. You've barely begun to learn about your Jedi powers. Perhaps it's time you did."

"But...the war, the repairs to the fleet."

"Right now we are not going anywhere. The techs can only do so much with the repairs until we get more supplies and our people are scattered through the outer rim planets, finding allies. There's time."

Leia puts her hand on my shoulder and I wonder if this is what a mother's touch would feel like. "Do this for yourself. Something is bothering you," she hold up a hand and I let her finish, "if you cannot talk to me about it, then go and train. Find your center. The war will still be here when you return. So will I."

I give into the impulse and wrap my arms around her. She returns my hug with a fierce one of her own. There is such strength in her, I pray that I am half as strong when I reach her age.

"Thank you," I whisper to her, wishing I could tell her so much more.

"There is no need for thanks between friends. Take BB8 with you. I will relay messages to him if something comes up."

I nod my head and within the hour I have my supplies and motion for BB8 to follow me.

Finn is still planetside but I knew he was working with Rose and the rest of the techs to get our ships back in the air.

Poe was off world, trying to recruit others to our side. To stand up to the First Order.

I know that Leia will tell Finn where I am going, otherwise he will worry. I don't know why he worries so much, but I guess this is what it must feel like to have a sibling.

Always worrying and always asking questions, even when you wish they would just back off.

"He means well," I tell myself with a sigh as I weave through the jungle, Leia giving the coordinates to BB8 to where my so called 'training ground' was located at. "He's just...protective."

I love Finn, he's like a brother I never knew I wanted, but at times like this, I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

"I...oh!"

BB8 has stopped and I see why Leia led me to this place. It was like a hidden retreat in the middle of the forest. The tree's made a great circle, I could hear the rush of water in the distance. But it was more than that, a feeling of peace that settled over me like a warm blanket.

I closed my eyes and breathed. Remembering my time on the island with Luke. My first lesson about the Force.

I felt the pulse of the forest, the hum of the living energy through the Force.

For the first time since the dreams began, my mind is still.

I don't know how long I stood there, just being one with the forest but when I opened my eyes, I felt better.

"Thank you Leia, I owe you big time for this."

I take out my staff, I still hadn't been able to repair the shattered saber that was Luke's and shrug off my belongings.

"Go ahead and shut down if you want BB8, I'm going to be here for a while."

Taking my stance, I begin the basic warm-up that Leia had taught me all those months ago.

As I moved through the motions, I remember what Leia told me.

_You must have a strong foundation or else you will crumble beneath the weight of your power. _

I listened then and had started my day with these exercises...but these past few months, I lost my focus.

I was going to get it back. I would find my way through this.

Closing my eyes, I went back to the basics of saber dueling.

My mind was clear, my limbs loose and I could feel the world around me in perfect harmony.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift...

"An interesting place to meet."

My eyes snap open.

I know that voice. Soft and almost hypnotic, the cool kiss of power in each syllable.

"Kylo. Why are you...here."

"Perhaps I heard you calling me and chose to answer."

I turn to look at him.

There is no echo of a smile on his lips this time. No flowing robe and easy banter, no confusion that this is a dream.

Instead he stands before me, the ease of a warrior. His clothes are almost a match for mine, except his is still in unrelieved black.

I plant my staff on the ground, leaning on it.

"Don't you ever wear anything but black?"

After weeks of not seeing him, I don't know what else to say. So I fall back on what I do best. Keeping people at an arm's length from me.

His saber is loose at his side, his arms covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

"I see you have gone back to white." He looks around the forest and lifts a dark, winged eyebrow at me. "A bit hard to miss surrounded by all this green. Perhaps you wanted to be found?"

There is a glimmer in his dark eyes, and I wonder why we are linked again. "I don't remember calling for you. I know this isn't a dream."

"Neither was our last meeting."

Heat slashes across my face but I refuse to look away from him. The way we were with each other...something deep inside of me comes awake at the nearness of him.

How stupid it seems to think that after only a few weeks of not seeing him that I thought these feelings would fade.

"No...no it wasn't."

He gives a nod of his head to my staff. "Training?"

I give a lift of my chin, grateful for the reprieve he is giving me about our last encounter.

It also makes me wary and wonder why.

"Yes," I note his saber and acknowledge it as well, "You too?"

"Yes. Care to test your strength?"

My eyes widen at his offer. "You want me to fight you?"

"It's called sparring. As in practice. Not killing."

An enigmatic look in his eyes as he moves closer to me, his footfalls silent, the lean strength of his body evident.

That box I had shoved to the back of my mind, with all the emotions I felt when I was around him, broke free.

Just seeing him, being with him, was making the blood in my body turn molten. Already my skin felt too tight and I had to curl my fingers around the smooth wood of my weapon so I didn't give into the need that was like a wildfire inside of me.

To reach out and _touch _him.

_Focus Rey. He asked if you wanted to spar. So give him an answer! _

I hefted my staff and pointed it at him. "Your lightsaber is too powerful for my staff, not exactly a fair fight."

Kylo stares at me for a moment and I wonder if he will rescind his offer, yet he surprises me again and clicks the saber back onto his belt. He looks around and moves with swift assurance and to my shock, picks up a loose branch that is a crude twin to my staff.

"This should make it fair now."

"You...how can you pick that up...you're not even here."

My mouth is dry, my pulse racing. I hadn't recognize that his strength had grown in our time apart.

We had been able to touch each other in the past but this...he could actually manipulate objects now.

"Oh I'm here, in a manner of speaking, but the effort isn't my own. Not completely anyway."

It takes my brain a moment to understand his meaning.

"You mean...I'm doing this as well?"

"It would seem when our minds are in sync with the Force at the same time, we can resonate with each other."

"The Force Bond."

He gives a nod of his head. "Correct. We are still linked. Are you ready for this?"

I heft my staff and bare my teeth at him. "Are you?"

The tilt of his lips, that echo of a smile that is so fleeting, I wonder if I had really see it at all. "Begin."

He's fast. I mean, _really _fast.

I bring up my staff in time to block him but he is already turning and again I just barely block him.

Yet...our rhythm is the same. I remember the fight in throne room of Snoke, how we seemed to anticipate each others moves and I make a choice.

I let go and give myself to the Force.

To this moment with him.

My body speeds up, I react to his moves with a fluidity I didn't have before and it feels like we are...dancing.

I look up, our eyes clashing even as our weapons meet and I can _feel _him. His fierce control over his power, the way he is tempering his strength to mine, a wild joy that does not show on his face.

His eyes widen at the same time and I wonder, for a fraction of a second, if he is feeling me as well.

I push back, putting him on the defensive and make my attack.

His every swing, each thrust of the staff, it is perfection. I can't help admiring his discipline even as I am trying to find a way to break through it.

We part, circling each other. Testing each others skill.

"You've improved."

There is approval in his voice and I cannot help but feel pleasure at his praise. I cannot lie, Kylo is the best warrior I have ever come up against. I honestly don't think there is anyone in our fleet who could match him.

Except me.

"So have you," I tell him and that is all I have time for because we are at it again. Only this time he moves with a deadly grace and I feel the tiniest pebble bounce off of my staff.

I turn, distracted and he is pressing me backwards and I realize what that distraction was.

"You used the Force on me! That's not fair!"

"First rule of battle," he tells me, his voice calm even I see his skin gleaming underneath the exertion, "fight to win. Use everything that you have, for if you hesitate, you will lose."

"Are you," I grunt as his weight bares down on me. Physically he is far stronger than me, "trying to tell me how you're going to...kill me?"

"No," he turns so quickly, his form is but a blur to my eyes, and I am not even aware that I have backed off, until my back hits a tree and his staff is across my throat, "I'm trying to teach you how to survive."

I swallow hard, well aware that had this been a saber battle, I would be dead.

We stare at each other, the knowledge in both of our eyes and yet...

He pulls the dead wood away from me.

I frown at him, not understanding. "Why are you trying to teach me. I'm fighting to defeat you!"

"Not me. The First Order."

Again he is confusing me. "But you're the First Order. You are the Supreme Leader."

"Am I?" his words were nothing but a whisper, yet I caught them.

_He still is doubting himself. He really doesn't believe in the First Order._

Hope, that fragile creature, bloomed inside of me.

"Kylo...Ben."

That doubt I saw in his eyes dies as I say the name his parents gave him.

"If you must call me by a name, use Ren. I'm getting bored of the duel names you seem to intent on calling me by."

I clench my fist around my staff but I do not argue with him. If he is still refusing to be called by his birth name...

"Fine," I tell him, frustrated all over again, "Does that please you?"

"Does it matter to you? That you please me?"

I open my mouth, but his words are a double-edged sword and I am suddenly aware of how close he still standing to me.

Such dark eyes, always so closed off.

Except when he is with me. He confuses me, I have seen his cruelty, his cold manipulations towards others and yet...

When I am with him, there is no anger in him. Only gentleness, he speaks to me...like he knows me.

As if there was never a time we meant to be apart.

He lifts a hand to my face, as though he wants to touch me and I don't know whether to push him away or beg him to continue. I tremble with the force of my conflicting emotions.

But his hand reaches past me and pulls a leaf that had been caught up in my hair.

A stab of disappointment so sharp that it leaves me slightly breathless and when he turns from me I want to yell at him to stop tormenting me with the promise in his eyes that we both know I can never accept.

"Teach me."

He turns back to me, silent but with questions in his eyes.

I move towards him, so that once more we are barely inches apart.

"Teach me how you disarmed me. I want to learn."

"So you can use it against me?" Silken words, mocking in their cold arrogance.

"No, so I can survive."

Silence stretches between us and I feel as though the world is holding its breath, waiting for his reply.

A soft sigh from his lips.

"Your staff was at the wrong angle. You're fast, but you rely too much on instinct, not enough on training."

He drops his crude bit of wood and moves behind me.

I can feel the heat of his body, the smell of his sweat...and also rain, kissed by the first hint of frost.

He covers my hands, his arms parallel to mine.

"Lift your staff like this," his breath in my ear, stirring the small hairs around my neck.

Goosebumps break out along my body, his body an electric kiss against mine.

He moves my hands, nudging my feet with his, so that we move as one.

"Turn, like this...loosen your muscles, you're too stiff."

I was having a hard time complying with his demands. He was too close, his scent, his voice, I felt like I was once more drowning in him.

"Rey, let go. I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me."

I trusted very few people.

Trusting Kylo was beyond foolish, he was after all, my enemy.

But his words, the cadence of his voice. I had heard him speak to me like this, only once before.

When he offered me his hand and whispered his 'please' to me.

There had been no deception in his voice that day, I would stake my very life on it.

I sigh and choose...to believe him.

The tension flowed out of me and I let Ren move my body, like he was an extension of me.

"Good...very good. But you're not positioning your legs to match, you're over compensating."

His hands left mine, to rest on my hips.

"Now do the move I showed you and I will align your body to match."

I arced my staff, felt the heat of his gloved on my hips, even through my layer of clothing.

"Like this...no, too fast, slow down. Slower, get used to the rhythm. Calm your breathing, focus."

His words were hypnotic and I feel myself moving as he tells me to move, visualizing what I saw him do, my body to match him.

I wasn't aware of his hands leaving me as I went through the motion, snapping out of it when my staff rang against his.

"You learn quickly. Again, this time pick up the pace."

I did and he matched my movements, correcting me when I faltered. He never got angry, never got impatient as I attempted to keep up with him.

His words of praise, they made me want to get stronger, to do better.

"Enough."

I stared at him, my limbs shaking after going through the entire sequence of offensive and defensive strikes. Again and Again so that I could do them in my sleep if I wanted to.

My body ached in places I didn't know could ache.

"You've pushed yourself far enough for one day."

I wanted to argue, but I can't. My body was telling me to stop and my mind...I'd had the beginning of a headache half-way through our practice, but I didn't want to stop.

It was then that I saw the pain in his eyes.

"Are you feeling it too? Like your brain is being turned to mush?"

He gave me a hard look before giving a tight nod of his head.

"A warning that we are overextending our Force power."

A painful jolt to my heart. His vision blurred for a moment and I cried out, reaching my hand for him.

"Ren!"

Pain spiked through me, white-hot fire down my spine and I gasped.

I saw him, at that instant, reaching for my hand.

But all I was left grasping at was air.

He was gone. Ren was gone. Our Force Bond cut off once more.

I fell to my knee's, exhausted beyond bearing and yet...I wanted him back.

BB8 came to my side, his chirps and whistles telling me how agitated he was with me and why was I like this.

"I'm...I'm okay. Just tired..."

I barely make it back to my bag, my arms and legs feeling like I am dragging lead weights, but I manage to pull out my blanket and roll myself into it.

Oblivion calls out to me, beckoning me with dark wings.

My last thought before I succumb to sleep is of him.

"Ren," I whisper his name, a endless ache inside of me and I wonder if I will see him again.

_Let me see him again. Please._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: **Update! Yep, two in one day. A rare for me, so I hope you enjoy the early update.

**Disclaimer: **I do not, nor have I ever, owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **As always, all constructive comments are more than welcome!

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

I can feel it, a disturbance in the Force.

My uncle is dead, killed not by my hand, but by his own will. So I know that it is not Luke Skywalker who is disturbing my senses.

It is not my...mother.

Although twin to her brother, my mother chose not to pursue her Jedi heritage, the reason she would never tell me.

So that leaves only one other who can call to me.

Rey.

My personal ship is a ghost through space, pursuing a rumor that only I have the right to hunt down.

I should be concentrating on the planet I've just located, but this disturbance...something is wrong with Rey.

Her emotions run through me, turbulent and spiraling through the Force that I set my ship down beyond the ruins of some ancient city that I care nothing about.

My only thought, my only concern, is for her.

"Rey."

_Where are you? _

There is nothing from the Bond, but I can still sense her. The feeling is strong enough that it triggers the memory of our last meeting.

Two months, that is how long I have gone without seeing and yet the memory...as if it were yesterday...

_The startled look in her amber eyes, her staff loose at her side. Her scent, the green forest and an elusive flower I could mistake for no one but her. Her face flushed with color and tendrils of her hair clinging to the side of her face._

_ She was in the middle of training._

_ Like I was._

_ Once more it looked as though my theory about our Force Bond, and how we connect, is correct._

_ "Why are you here?" _

_ Direct and to the point, that was my Rey. She was not one to lie and dissemble. Maybe that is what drew me to her in the first place. When I am with her, there is no need for subterfuge. _

_ "Perhaps I heard you calling me and choose to answer."_

_ I can see my answer is disconcerting to her, another fact about her that continues to fascinate me. She does not even try to hide her emotions. I can read every nuance, from the slight part of her lips to the widening of her eyes. _

_ Her response is to plant her staff on the ground and question my taste in clothing._

_ She is trying to distance herself from me. _

_ I will not allow her to push me aside so casually. _

_ So I turn her words against her, pointing out that wearing mostly white in a _green _forest makes her hard to miss._

_ That maybe, she _wanted _to be found._

_ By me._

_ Again I see her guard come up._

_ "I don't remember calling you," she tells me, that flash of fire in her eyes, "I know this isn't a dream."_

_ Ah, that explains her wariness, her reason to put distance between us._

_ However, I am not easily deterred. Time to remind her that this...bond, goes both ways._

_ "Neither was our last meeting." _

_ Her, in my room, in my _bed, _at my side. Telling me she wanted to stay. Telling me that she would dream of me._

_ A blaze of heat across her cheekbones and a thread of satisfaction settles inside of me. _

_ "No...no it wasn't."_

_ Her words are hesitant and I can the memories in her eyes...and the trace of guilt._

_ She is still thinking of her friends, of the Resistance. _

_ Now is not the time to pursue the matter. I want to bring her closer to me, not push her away._

_ When she thinks of me, I want it to be with pleasure, with such longing that there will be no room in her thoughts for the Resistance, for her misguided attachment to her friends._

_ I give a nod of my head at the weapon in her hand. "Training?" I ask, although I already know the answer._

_ She blinks at me, startled no doubt, by the fact that I am choosing not to talk about our last connection._

_ She gives a nod of her head and looks at the saber in my hand. _

_ "You too?"_

_ I have no reason to lie._

_ "Yes," and I wonder how much stronger she has become since our duel in the throne room, "care to test your strength?"_

_ She stares at me, disbelief etched into her face. "You want to fight me?"_

_ No. I don't want to fight her. It would seem she still has much to learn._

_ "It's called sparring," I tell her, moving slowly towards her, keeping my saber at my side. "Practice. Not killing."_

_ I add the last bit, just so there is no misunderstanding between us._

_ There are many things I want to do with Rey. Killing her is not one of them._

_ A hidden spark in her gaze, I can practically taste her longing in the air._

_ She wants this. Only another Jedi, or Sith, can match another Jedi. With __Luke dead, only I can give her what she wants._

_ Her eyes go directly to my saber. "Your lightsaber is too powerful for my staff, not exactly a fair fight."_

_ Not the yes I wanted from her lips...but not a rejection either._

_ It was time to test another theory of mine. _

_ I clip my saber to my belt and glance around me. Unlike before, I can see part of her surrounding. _

_ I find what I am looking for. A deadfall branch that I pick up. I can feel the weight in my hand, test the balance. For this particular exercise, it will do._

_ "This should make it a fair fight now."_

_ I look up and see the shock in her exquisite eyes. _

_ So she wasn't aware that we could manipulate each others space. _

_ "You...how can you pick that up...you're not even here."_

_ I can feel her fear, an acrid tang in my mouth that I do not want. _

_ Not here. Not between us._

_ So I tell her what I know, so that she will no longer fear this._

_ That, in truth, I am not doing this on my own. _

_ There is a silence between as I let my words sink in. _

_ A flicker in her eyes and she makes the connection quickly._

_ "You mean...I'm doing this as well?" _

_ Confusion...and curiosity._

_ A better response than I had hoped for. _

_ So I tell her something else, to keep her curious, to push back her wary reservation of me. _

_ I tell her about how we can resonate with each other through the Force._

_ Her intelligence is piercing and she understands my meaning immediately._

_ "The Force Bond."_

_ I give a nod of my head, but I do not want her dwelling on it. Not yet. Not when I saw the guilt in her eyes regarding our last encounter._

_ I want her focus on me. On the here and now. _

_ "Correct. We are still linked," I lift my branch in a blatant, aggressive stance, "are you ready for this?"_

_ She is already moving into a defensive position and her smile is all teeth. A feral light in her eyes._

_ "Are you?"_

_ A taunt...a challenge thrown at me, with not even a hint of fear that I felt a moment ago._

_ Excellent._

_ Exhilaration makes my blood quicken but I have learned to temper my emotions, to not lose focus. _

_ "Begin."_

_ I give her no warning, already meeting her staff with my branch. Though the wood is crude, it is dense and the resounding crack is all I need to hear. I have seen my Rey fight, and I do not hold back. _

_ She's good...but our fight in the forest showed me her untapped potential and our duel against the praetorian guard was no mere fluke._

_ Rey was a natural born fighter, her instincts sharp and precise._

_ But as I moved, weaving in and out of her guard, I knew that she still wasn't on my level._

_ Not yet at least._

_ As I slipped past her guard once more, I felt the change come over her. A whisper of the Force, and then she changed tactics._

_ Putting me on the defensive. Her speed would have been astonishing, had I not anticipated this from her._

_ She had given herself over to the Force._

_ She was beautiful, our bodies now in complete harmony. _

_ This was feeling less like practice...and more like a dance. One I did not want to stop. _

_ Our weapons meet and so do our eyes...and I can feel her emotions. The rush of battle fever, the spike of adrenaline...and beyond that...a joy, a delight so deep that it washes over me in blinding light._

_ The part of my soul that I gave to the dark side...it shudders underneath her dazzling light and I break contact. We circle each other and it gives me time to regain my control._

_ "You've improved." _

_ I don't bother to hide that she had impressed me. But I also approve of it. The stronger she is, the better chance she has of surviving the war._

_ To stand at my side. _

_ "So have you."_

_ There is no fear in her words at my strength. Just admiration. It made my blood heat faster, to redouble my efforts in this exercise._

_ There were some things that could not be taught, only experienced in order to grow. _

_ She is the first to attack, but she cannot break my defense and this piece of wood is not my only weapon. _

_ I reached out with my power and picked up the tiny pebbles that were scattered about, sending them not at Rey, but her staff._

_ She was quick, her use of the Force almost an extension of herself but not even Force sense could compensate for lack of experience, or years of training._

_ Her focus splits, her concentration faltered and she lost her rhythm. _

_ A fatal mistake, had this been a real duel._

_ I'm already on the offensive, putting her back on defense._

_ "You used the Force on me!" she's furious, her emotions taking over even as she tries to break my attack, "that's not fair!"_

_ Not it wasn't. But that was the point. Something she needed to learn._

_ "First rule of battle," I keep up my attack, controlling my breathing, utilizing my years of training, "fight to win. Use everything that you have, for if you hesitate, you will lose."_

_ I can feel her struggling, to maintain her focus. But I keep up the pressure. This is a lesson she must learn._

_ "Are you," she gasps as I use my physical strength against her, "trying to tell me how you're going to...kill me?"_

_ "No," I tell her with cold precision,"I want you to survive."_

_ Time to end this fight._

_ I already have her pinned to the ancient tree behind her, the dead branch in my hand at her throat._

_ I saw the knowledge in her gaze. That I could have killed her._

_ A hitch in her breath and before fear could settle in, I pulled the branch away from slim column of her throat._

_ Confusion in burning amber, her hand reaching instinctively for her throat._

_ I know she is not hurt, I made sure to temper my blow that would leave no bruises. _

_ "Why are you trying to teach me? I'm fighting to defeat you!"_

_ "Not me. The First Order."_

_ The words slip out of my mouth without even thinking about it._

_ I clench my fist around the branch. Those words...they are born of my doubt. The conflict that is still tearing my soul in half. _

_ I can see that my words make no sense to her. It is no surprise. They make no sense to me. _

_ "But..._you're _the First Order. The Supreme Leader."_

_ It is a rebuke, a reminder of the fight on Snoke's destroyed ship. The choice I had made in the aftermath of that battle._

_ "Am I?" There are some days I don't feel like the Supreme Leader. I constantly hear the whispers of the generals who are sworn to serve me, waiting for me to fall. Of Hux, waiting in the shadows, a rabid dog who will go for my throat at even a hint of weakness. _

_ "Kylo..Ben"_

_ An ache in her voice that I want to turn to...until she uses that despised name. The name of that weak boy who should no longer exist. _

_ "If you must call me by a name, use Ren," I tell her, unwilling to be dragged back to the past, "I grow bored with the duel names you seem_ _intent on calling me by."_

_ "Fine," she tells me, words clipped and not quite hiding her derision, "does that please you?"_

_ I have punished others with their snide words and cold eyes and yet with her...I feel no anger._

_ Just the cold kiss of disappointment. I had thought to bring us closer together...it seems I was wrong._

_ "Does it matter," I ask her with a sigh that is an echo of the emptiness that has become a part of me, "that you please me?"_

_ Her lips part but she does not speak._

_ There is only the heavy silence that surrounds us . Her eyes seem to take up her entire face and I thought I had learned to read her, but I cannot discern what I am seeing as she gazes up at me._

_ I lift my hand to her, wanting to touch her, to anchor myself to this place but then I see it...the merest tremble of her body, and so I use the pretense of pulling the leaf from her hair, crushing it in my grip as I turn away._

_ I intended to leave but I hear her voice and it stops me as nothing else could._

_ "Teach me."_

_ Her voice is hushed, but there is no hesitation. _

_ I turn back to look at her, wondering, exactly what she means by those words._

_ There are many things I could teach her..._

_ Before I can ask she is already at my side, her chin tilted slightly up to look at me. _

_ "Teach me how you disarmed me. I want to learn."_

_ The fire inside of her, a blaze of light that is almost painful to look at. _

_ But I do not forget the way she trembled when I lifted my hand to her. _

_ "So you can use it against me?"_

_ Cruel words, born of the anguish I feel whenever she rejects me. _

_ I expect to her turn away. After all, it wasn't so long ago that she called me a monster. _

_ Perhaps I am fooling myself into believing that her view has changed._

_ But once more she proves me wrong._

_ "No, so I can survive." _

_ I am not so blind so see that she is using my own words to persuade me. _

_ If it were anyone else but her..._

_ I sigh, knowing that I can't walk away. Not now._

_ Not when she is asking for my help._

_ I tell her how I disarmed her, but it is not enough. I can see it in her eyes. I drop the dead branch in my hand and move behind her. _

_ She is slender in my arms, her head barely reaching the top of my chest. Gently, I place my hands over hers. Smooth skin, warm from the sun-drenched woods and our fight._

_ I murmur instructions in her ear, bending my head slightly so that she can hear me._

_ Her hair is silken against my face, the scent of a flower stronger now and I want to bottle it so that I can carry a piece of her with me, wherever I go. _

_ Ruthlessly I turn my focus back to her training, her lithe body a distraction that is making a mockery of my control._

_ She is still too rigid, I can feel her tension like a taunt wire. _

_ This will never work if she can't let go. _

_ "Rey." I say her name to get her attention, "Let go. I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me."_

_ I...didn't mean to say that last part. But now that I said the words, I will not take them back._

_ Because it is the truth. I want her to trust me. I want to be the person she turns to when she needs help, to rely on me._

_ I wait...holding my breath, if she cannot let go..._

_ A tightness in my chest that I wasn't even aware of is loosening when I feel her body go pliant in my arms. _

_ She has chosen to trust me. _

_ She moves with ease, following my every direction...but it is not enough. To simply go through the movements will not protect her._

_ She needs to feel her own power, trust in herself. _

_ I slide my hands away from hers, moving them to the supple curves of her hips. _

_ The pleasure of touching her, without her flinching, nearly breaks my own control._

_ But I know her trust in me is fragile at best and I will not be the one to shatter it. _

_ A spike in the back of my mind. A warning that our time was coming to end._

_ Not yet, I tell myself, digging deeper into the Force, I need time._

_ She flows like water in my arms, her movements a near mirror of my own. I let go of her with reluctance, but it is the only way to gauge her progress. _

_ She is so focused that she doesn't even notice when I move away to reclaim my dead bit of wood._

_ Halfway through the sequence I enter, her staff cracking against mine as I block her._

_ Her eyes no longer have that far away look and focus back on me._

_ The light I see in her, the joy she doesn't hide, this is my reward for teaching her._

_ "You learn quickly," I tell her and watch the light turns incandescent and I want it for my own, "Again. This time pick up the pace."_

_ Our time was running out. I did not know how much longer I could sustain us, but I wasn't leaving until she could hold her own against me._

_"Enough."_

_ Her limbs are shaking, her breath ragged and her eyes are tinged with pain. The spike in my mind is causing black spots in my eyes. I cannot hold the bond any longer._

_ Rey is already feeling the effects, I will push her no further today._

_ I tell her to stop when I see her opening her mouth. She stops and looks at me and I have the strangest feeling she looking through me. _

_ Seeing everything I try to hide away._

_ "Are you feeling it too? Like something is trying to squeeze your brain into mush?"_

_ I stare hard at her, and realize my mistake. I was not the only maintaining this extended contact. _

_ I give a brief nod of my head, the forest swims before my eyes. _

_ "A warning," I tell her, even as I feel myself slipping away, "that we have overextended our Force power._

_ "Ren!"_

_ I jerk my head up, I have never heard that cry from her lips. She looks at me with panic, not of me, but _for _me._

_ I reach out for her, shards of glass ripping through me, to comfort her._

_ I am left grasping air, once more back where I first started._

_ Alone._

The memory fades and I open my eyes.

I am no longer in my ship, no longer on the planet that doesn't even have a name, only it's designated number on the star map.

I see her, lying on something that could barely be called a bed.

The thin material that couldn't even be called a blanket was disheveled. As though she had been thrashing around in her sleep, tangled up around her legs.

Her eyes are closed, but I can see the flutter of her eyelids, her breath catching in a sob as she curls her body up into a tight ball.

Rey, in the throes of a nightmare, her pain so vast that it reached me through the Force.

She looks fragile, lying there...so alone.

I am already at her side, reaching for her hand as another painful sob tears from her lips.

It feels as though a hand has shoved through my body, squeezing my heart in a vice.

"Rey," I whisper her name, willing her to wake.

A change in her pulse, a soft gasp and her eyes open, looking up at me. The shade of burning amber is banked and all I see is pain.

Pain and loneliness that is a match for my own.

"Ren?"

My name on her lips, a whispered plea that I cannot ignore.

"I'm here." I keep my hand over hers and when she doesn't pull it away, I move slowly to sit on the edge of her bed.

She shifts her body to give me more room.

"I...I was dreaming."

She sounds so lost. I've heard this bewilderment in her words only once before.

The night she spoke to me of the cave.

When I told her she wasn't alone. That neither was I.

"Tell me."

"My...my parents. I remember...them leaving. I cried out for them, I cried and cried but they...they _left _me." A catch in her voice and she turns over her hand, squeezing mine so tight I fear she will break the bones in her hand.

"But then...it changes...and everyone I know...they're leaving me. All of them."

She looks up at me, tears spiking her long lashes. "You were there. You were leaving as well...I called out for you..."

"I'm here. I will never leave you."

"But you do."

Her voice is a broken sound, one that tears at my soul.

I reach with my other hand, brushing away the single tear that slipped down her face.

Her skin is smooth, softer than I remember.

"Ren," her voice trembles as I thread my fingers through her hair.

"Sleep Rey. I will guard your dreams. I'm here now, that's all that matters."

I can see the exhaustion in her eyes and I wonder how long has she been fighting these nightmares that plague her soul.

Perhaps as long as my own.

"You promise?"

Such pain...so much so that for a moment my fingers clench in her hair and her eyes widen, but she doesn't try to pull away. Instead she lifts her hand and covers mine, closing her eyes.

Perhaps she would not thank me for what I did next, but to see her like this, in pain and trembling from the nightmares in her head, was beyond my bearing.

I sent a simple yet powerful command of sleep to her mind, through the Force, through our bond.

A sigh on her lips, her hand slipping away from mine as she goes into a deep sleep that should give her several hours of undisturbed rest.

I know she cannot hear my next words, but it doesn't matter. I will say them regardless.

"I promise," I whisper to her, even as I know that I cannot stay long, "I will always be here when you call for me."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **I'm hoping to update my story with a chapter a week, but if I can do more, I will. I sincerely appreciate everyone who has taken the time to review my story, to follow me as I tell it. Your support means everything to me.

**Disclaimer: **As always, I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Read, review, repeat. You know the drill.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

"Damn it," I mutter darkly, throwing parts of a broken lightsaber back onto the bed, "why is this so hard?"

I've been trying to repair Luke's saber for over a week and I wasn't getting anywhere. No matter what I did, I couldn't get the damn thing to ignite.

I looked down and see the white bandage on my wrist, remembering the skirmish on Yamur Nine, just days ago.

I needed a lightsaber. That battle had shown me, with only my blaster and staff as weapons, wasn't going to cut it anymore.

If I was going to help win this war, then I needed better tools.

The tools of a Jedi.

I decide to get up, I needed to get some fresh air and maybe, just maybe, I might figure out what the hell I was doing wrong.

My feet had barely touched the floor, not even a handful of steps when it hit.

I gasped as anguish, sharp as a blade, sliced into me. I felt ripped apart.

I was shaking, my teeth clenched hard as ice coated my soul...drowning me in endless darkness...

My knee's hit the back of the bed and I tumbled onto it, falling onto my injured wrist.

Searing pain, the wound reopening as scarlet soaked into white, grounded me as nothing else did and it cleared my mind of that numbing ice and I knew, without questioning it, what I was feeling.

Ren.

This anguish...the darkness, it was resonating through me, through our connection.

"Ren," I whispered, even as I gritted my teeth against the ice creeping back into me, "what's happening to you?"

I had to go to him. But even as the the thought formed, I knew it was physically impossible. I had no idea where he was, or even what solar system he was in.

But that didn't mean I couldn't reach him.

I pulled myself to a sitting position on my bed, forcing myself to ignore the increasing waves of torment, of a voice...a malicious voice that was filled with cruel laughter that was gone as soon as I touched it.

I had to concentrate. I couldn't be distracted, not now.

I focused on one thing and one thing only.

Finding Ren.

Through the Force.

My mind slammed up against a wall of darkness, and I knew, instinctively, that he was trying to block me.

_Let me in! Help me!_

I didn't know who I was crying out to, him...or the Force. But it must have worked because I was no longer blocked by that icy darkness and not aboard the Millennium Falcon.

"I don't want to do this now."

His back was to me but his voice...I took a step towards him, my legs trembling.

His voice was barely above a whisper, but the words were cold, so cold. Nothing of _him, _of the man who both frustrated me and yet pulled me back to him again and again.

Just a vast, endless void that was devouring him.

"Ren," I took another step closer, frightened in a way I had never been.

I wasn't frightened of him...I was frightened that I was losing him.

Something terrible had happened to him and I could feel him shutting down.

"Talk to me, tell me what's happened."

We were on a part of his ship that I had never seen before. The room was covered in darkness, the only light to be seen was through a window as the icy kiss of the stars passed us by.

I heard, more than saw, the scream of metal as it broke.

"Get away from me Rey."

Cutting words that I could almost feel against my skin, a harsh abrasion.

A warning. But one I refused to listen.

I wasn't leaving him, not like this.

My hands reached for him, but I hesitated.

I couldn't explain it, but I felt that if I touched him...he would shatter.

"I'm not leaving. Not until you talk to me."

"There is nothing to say. I told you to leave."

We were barely a foot apart...and yet it felt as though he was light years away from me.

I had never seen him like this...pushing me away. His pain...it was endless, I wondered how he was even standing beneath the crushing weight.

I didn't know what to do, how to help him.

Then, for a fraction of a second, I saw his body tremble.

I was already next to him, wrapping my arms around him, pressing my face into the rigged planes of his back.

_If he shatters I will hold the pieces together. _

Despite the thick layer of armor he worn constantly, I could still feel him.

The heat of his body, the frantic beat of his heart.

It was his soul that was kissed by black ice...freezing until nothing would remain.

He didn't repudiate me...but neither did he welcome my touch.

It was as if he couldn't feel me at all.

I held onto him, willing my heat to melt the ice encasing him.

"Don't," I whisper, pleading with him, "don't push me away."

Being so close to him, pressed up against him as I was, I felt him shudder. Heard his leather gloves as his fingers tightened into a fist.

A memory surfaced from our time in the woods.

Of Ren, telling me to let go.

To trust him not to hurt me.

I had given him my trust...now it was time to see if the reverse was true.

"Ren,"I tell, tightening my hold around him, "you asked me to trust you, that day in the woods. Do you remember?"

"I...yes."

I keep my face pressed into his back, I can't lose him.

_I can't. Not now, not like this. _

"I'm asking you now, to trust _me_. Whatever has happened, I'm here."

I can barely breath, fearing his response.

What if I was wrong about this...about us?

"They're dead. All of them."

My breath catches, hearing his voice. His words are remote and he still hasn't moved, his arms braced on what I cannot see.

But he's talking to me. He didn't push me away.

"Who?"

I chance the question, keeping my voice calm...barely above a whisper. I can still feel his erratic heartbeat.

I don't think he heard my question but he keeps speaking and I tighten my grip around him.

To remind him, he is _not _alone.

"I ordered them to find the pocket of Resistance fighters that we knew were somewhere on Kalaris. A planet on the edges of the Outer Rim, unimportant, except for help that was being given to the Resistance. I left one of my generals in charge of the area."

A ragged breath, a shudder that runs through him and he continues. The words that spilled from his lips are nothing I could have anticipated.

"He killed them all. The entire village. Men, women...and the children. Especially the children."

"Why?"

The question was torn from my lips, horror coating that single word.

"Because he could. That 'the mewling brats of traitors are still traitors to the Order'."

The scream of metal assaults my ears and whatever he was holding onto crashes to the ground, brief sparks showering the air.

"I saw the smile in his eyes, the pleasure it gave him to destroy them. He _enjoyed _hurting them. The younglings."

"How," I swallowed the bile coating my throat, the nausea that rolled inside of me, "can you know that?"

"Because I tore into his mind."

Between one breath and another, he pulls away from me...so that I now look up into his eyes.

I bite hard on the inside of my cheek, to stifle my cry.

It was not Kylo Ren looking at me from those eyes.

It was Ben Solo.

"This is war," he tells and I can hear the despair in his words, "but I would not kill younglings. I may be a monster but I _never _ordered them to be butchered like animals."

I hear the echo of my own words, reflected back at me from the first time we connected.

I had called him a monster, then, for killing his father.

He didn't deny it...and that had shaken me to my core. It was after he disappeared that I began to question everything that I thought I knew of him.

"Ren," I whisper, tears burning in my eyes that I refuse to let fall, "you are not a monster."

His eyes are shuttered, closed off to me, and when they open again...it is no longer Ben Solo speaking with the regret and despair I had heard.

Kylo Ren is once more looking out through his eyes.

"I killed him," he tells me as though relaying a bit of information I might find useful, "set him as an example to others who think to usurp my authority if I am not there personally to keep them in line."

"What did you do?"

I forced myself to ask him, to refuse to walk away from what he has told me.

What he is about to tell me.

"I broke him. I shattered his mind, his brain nothing more than fluid leaking from every orifice. That was after I snapped each bone in his body."

He looked down at his hands, as if still seeing the blood that he knew had been spilled in his name.

"I sent the image of his ruined body to every ship in my fleet. A reminder that I will not tolerate disobedience among those sworn to serve me."

He looks up at me, haunted eyes that will not weep, will allow no sign of weakness.

"Adults...we make our choices. Know the consequences of actions, even if it means death. Collateral damage, we tell ourselves...but not the children. They are the innocent."

I knew then, what he meant. He wasn't thinking of the nameless younglings of Kalaris...but of his own broken childhood.

A childhood that had been shattered by violence.

The regret of Luke Skywalker, in a moment of weakness, when he had tried to kill his nephew.

Just as my childhood had been destroyed when my parents sold me. Leaving a defenseless child to cope with the sudden loss of being abandoned.

It is Kylo Ren looking at me...but I also see the glimmer of Ben Solo in his midnight eyes...and it breaks me as nothing else could.

I go to him, burying myself in his arms.

Even now as I feel him trembling, he will not touch me.

Will not allow himself to _feel, _to admit the pain that caused him to lash out.

"I'm glad you killed him," I tell him fiercely, meaning every word. The man he described was evil, a true monster in every sense of the word. "But now you need to let go. Don't let this destroy you."

His rage, it went beyond anger, _that _is what I had felt earlier. A rage so dark, it covered his soul in black ice.

"Please Ren," I whisper reaching up, cupping his face in my hands. His skin was cool to my touch, his face unyielding, "come back to me."

A single tear slides down my face.

His eyes, they track my tear like a brand and then he is on his knee's, his arms wrapped around my waist, a grip so tight that I would have to break bones in order to escape.

I don't want to escape. I wrap my arms around him, wanting him closer.

"It's okay," I murmur, my fingers burying in his hair, "I'm here."

I don't know how long we stayed like this. He was silent, so quiet but I could feel his soul crying and I continued holding him, reminding him that I was here.

That he wasn't alone. Not anymore.

The sound of footfalls in the distance was like an echo of thunder and I snapped my head up, my grip on him loosening for less than a second.

He was up and out of my arms before I could turn back to him.

"You need to go. My guards will be here soon."

Once more I saw the mask of Kylo Ren slip back into place.

The Supreme Leader who did not weep for the nameless casualties of war.

I saw nothing of Ben Solo as I held his gaze. Only my own, tormented face reflected back at me.

The sound of his guards grew louder and I knew my time here was up.

I turned from him, wondering if being here at all, had changed anything.

"Rey."

My name on his lips stops me and I can't help but turn back to him.

His mask has slipped, just a crack, and I suck in a soft breath.

How could I have missed the light in his eyes, startling tenderness as he looked at me as if memorizing my every feature.

I tremble, feeling as though I have been caressed by him without him even touching me.

"Thank you."

"Wait-"

I'm reaching for him...

...and find myself grasping air, my legs stiff and numb beneath me as I'm once more on the Millennium Falcon, sitting on a bed with the scattered remains of a broken lightsaber my only company.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **As promised, my weekly update. A big, BIG thanks to everyone who has read and/or reviewed my story. It truly makes my day to see so many people enjoying my story. So without further ado...enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **As always I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! Reviews!**

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

Another clue. Another piece of a puzzle that is little more than a whisper, a rumor with a single, grain of truth.

It is that truth I am pursuing, but I cannot be everywhere at once. My time is precious and I dare not leave my generals, that nest of vipers, for too long.

They start to get ideas of their own when I am not there to hold their leash.

"Sir."

My comm is open to audio only and my fingers tighten around the controls as I hear the voice of a man I do not trust. He was one of Snoke's generals, rising through the ranks with brutal efficiency.

As a Sith loyal to Snoke, I could not simply dispose of him as I wished.

So I waited, knowing eventually he would make a mistake...I saw the look in his eyes when he had to bow his head to me.

One of contempt and ill-concealed ambition.

"What is it General Reo."

"The problem you asked me to see to has been taken care of."

I thought back and remembered the spies reporting seeing ships that resembled known Resistance fighters on Kalaris. I had ordered Reo, who had been the closest to that sector, to investigate and report back his findings.

"Very well. I will see to the interrogation of the prisoners myself."

"I am sorry to disappoint, _Supreme Leader, _but there are no prisoners."

My hands stilled on the controls.

The Millenium Falcon had not been spotted on Kalaris, but that did not mean she hadn't been there...

"I ordered the capture of _all _resistance fighters. Do you disobey me General?"

I did not bother to disguise the threat in them. I had made my will absolutely clear when it came to dealing with the Resistance.

"No. The vermin were gone when we arrived. No doubt tipped off by the traitors of Kalaris."

So his words could only have one meaning.

"I'm on route back to the fleet. Attend me on my ship General."

"As you wish. I will be waiting for you...Sir."

My guards flanked me as soon as I was back on board my flag ship.

"Leave us." I told them with a lift of my hand when I entered the conference room that General Reo was waiting in.

He was on his feet, giving me a swift bow that I knew to be a lie.

However he was not so bold, or stupid, as to be insolent to my face.

I move to the head of the table, steeple my fingers, pinning the older man with my gaze.

Reo is humanoid, but that is where the similarities end. His race, the Arelians, are a golden-skinned people without hair and eyes without lid or pupil. The skin around his face is heavily lined, a sign of age among his kind and his eye are not dissimilar to a faceted emerald.

Or a bug that needed to be squashed underfoot.

"Your report, General. I will hear in full now."

He takes a seat without my leave, another sign of his insubordination...but one I choose to ignore for now.

"We cleaned the northern outpost of Kalaris of the traitors and-"

"Remind me General," I interrupt him, boredom in my tone, knowing that it will make him angry, "of the populace in the northern outpost."

"Two-hundred and ninety-six."

There is a oiliness in his tone that I do not like...but then I hear the faint sound of laughter, cruel and malicious, that stills my body. I have heard that laughter before...when I was boy, before I began my training.

That laughter...I had thought it a product of a weak, frightened boy.

An aberration.

But now I wonder if it had been something...or someone...else altogether.

"You stated that there were no survivors. Explain."

"Permit me, Supreme Leader, but I took the liberty of recording the entire operation. Perhaps you would care to view it yourself?"

Smugness, the gleam of cruel cunning in his faceted eyes and I knew he was testing me.

Testing my resolve as the Supreme Leader.

"Yes, I believe I would. Continue General Reo."

He is not so quick to hide his emotions and my actions have surprised him...for the moment.

He hits the datapad at his fingertips and a holographic image is presented before me.

_"General," _the voice of a Stormtrooper I cannot see, possibly the one recording all of this, _"we have rounded them up as instructed. No sign of the Resistance or their ships in the vicinity."_

_ "Bring me the prisoners."_

"Hold." I tell him, moving my gaze from the projection to look at Reo. "You went to the planet yourself? Why."

It was not standard operation for a General of his rank to personally oversee what should have been nothing more than a minor task.

The Kalaris, I knew, had little to no weapons that could pose as a threat to the First Order.

"I was following your lead, Supreme Leader. You have demonstrated that you are not one to simply sit back and let others do the work for you. I too, wished to be more...involved. As a show of my loyalty to you, of course."

There was more to him than this farce of loyalty. I knew a lie when I heard it.

So we would play this out and see where it led.

"Continue the recording."

_"Prisoners, as ordered." _A woman whom I knew, had the image been in color, would have yellow skin and green hair. The ridges on her forehead marked her as a native of the planet.

"_We know you have been helping the Resistance. Tell me what I want to know...and your suffering will be minimal."_

_ "Please," the woman spoke, her dialect speaking basic but with a heavy accent, "no nothing. We are peaceful people."_

_ "I have little tolerance for excuses. Bring them."_

Two younglings came into view, a girl and a boy. The girl was still young enough that clutched in her tiny hand was a doll. A doll made of rags and stuffing, but a doll nonetheless.

The boy was only a few years older, the ridges on their forehead marking them as related.

_"Please! No, please not my hatchlings! Mercy."_

A mother begging for the life of her young.

I kept my hands where they were and did not ask him to stop the recording. Rage, unlike anything I had known before, bloomed inside of me.

_"Kill them."_

The girl died first, a single shot through her chest, the boy staring uncomprehending. He died even as turned to catch her.

_"No! No!" the woman scrambling on hands and knee's to her fallen youngling. A piercing, keening cry from her lips as she dragged their broken bodies to her._

_ "She is of no use. Kill her and find me another."_

I watched as Reo ordered his men to round up more of the populace, seven more children died before the oldest gave him what he wanted to know.

_"Here...but gone," the old man spoke, his spirit broken as the sight of the dead younglings, "we gave them food. Nothing more. They asked nothing else."_

_ "Where did they go? I want locations."_

_ But the old man shook his head, tears streaking down his face. "Did not ask."_

_ "Sir, we found this."_

A gleam of metal, a ring. I watched as Reo turned the ring, revealing the emblem of the Old Republic. The symbol of the Resistance.

_"So you continue to lie, even now."_

_ "No...no lies. They come no more. Peace, we want peace."_

_ Reo, moving closer to the broken man, placing the ring before him._

_ "There is no peace for you. Not for anyone who is traitor to the First Order."_

_ "Kill them all. Leave no one alive, let their precious General Organa see what we do to those who give them succor...wait, bring me my gun Captain. I fear I am out of practice. This will do."_

Red haze filtered over my eyes as I watched Reo round up the rest of the younglings, all thirty-nine of them, and cut them down.

Butchered like an animal.

The recording shut off after that.

"As I said, no prisoners. This should be a sufficient warning to other planets who seek to..._gaa!_"

I've already risen out of my chair, my hand stretched out using the Force to cut the air from his lungs.

"Who gave you permission to kill an entire outpost? Those orders did not come from me."

He was scrambling at his neck, the gold of his skin turning pallid as I continued to squeeze the oxygen from his brain.

"N-needed..." wheezing air through white lips and still I did not relent, "f-for...the g-g.."

"Do you think I cannot tell a lie when I hear it."

Again I heard the echo of cruel, evil laughter as I tore into his mind, wanting the truth to the real reason he had slaughtered them.

_Malicious glee as he took sight and brought down the mewing vermin. Men and women, begging and pleading to spare their young. His people were strong, they bore no sickening desire for their off-spring. Only the strong survived. _

_ Their terror...their cries of pain...like music to his parched soul..._

SNAP

I broke his jaw, silencing his cries as I meticulously snapped each bone in his body.

He showed them no mercy and neither would I.

It still wasn't enough.

I could still hear their terror, see the incomprehension in their eyes as they were cut down, branded into my mind.

In my soul.

"Never. Again."

I walked out of the conference room and I felt...nothing.

The body that had once resembled a general, floated behind me, a negligible use of my power.

"Assemble all senior staff to the bridge. Now."

The unfortunate lieutenant who caught my gaze gave a jerk of her head before departing, her steps running rather than walking.

I walked onto the bridge, ignored the wide-eyed stares in my wake, the sound of someone retching.

The dead carcass of Reo still floating behind me.

"Supreme Leader what is...that!?"

Ah. The senior officers, including the General who took control of my flag ship when I was away, all assembled.

I turned to the officer who manned the comm.

"Open a channel to the entire fleet. Make sure that they are able to see the body."

His fingers flew over his instrument panel in his haste to obey me.

"S-Supreme Leader...you h-have their attention."

Excellent.

_"Sir...is that...General Reo..."_

"Yes, it is," I told the unseen speaker as I swept my eyes over the assembly, my voice kissed with power...and death, "The General decided to disobey my orders...and now has paid the price for that disobedience. I trust that no one else wants to follow in his footsteps?"

I was well aware that Reo had relayed his slaughter of the Kalaris natives to the rest of the generals. I had no need to explain further.

I meet the gaze of every person in that room...and each turns their eyes away from mine, least I choose to make an example out of them.

I let the mangled piece of flesh fall to the floor, a wet, smacking sound that sends several officers retching.

"I want this carcass off my bridge and in the incendiary."

Several Stormtroopers on duty hasten to comply and I watch, not really seeing as I was drowning in laughter that is not my own.

I move through the halls of my ship, leaving the every day operations to my officers and note, with cold detachment, that no dares raise their eyes in my direction.

I feel nothing. The laughter is gone, but it has left my soul colder all the same.

I still can't get their terrified eyes out of my head, no matter where I go, or what I do.

"Leave me."

My personal guard, the ones who are always at my side unless I leave the ship, hesitate.

Their loyalty is commendable and the only reason I do not end their lives.

"I said...leave me."

If they should as so much raise a voice to me...but they do not and I walk into an empty room, alone.

There is nothing but darkness and space...and the clawing rage that is trying to break through the ice inside of me.

Better this way. To not feel...anything.

I can feel her, in the back of my mind.

A soft warmth that filters through the numbness as I stand here, staring out into the void.

Rey.

Trying to reach me through the Force.

No doubt going to lecture me on coming back to the Light. I have no need for empty words.

Not now.

_No...don't turn away from her..._

A voice...one I do not recognize...yet for a moment, felt a part of me.

It split my focus and now I can feel her, here with me.

Where I didn't want her to be.

"I don't want to do this now."

I knew, that if I let her in, I would hurt her. The rage was already creeping back into me, the red haze over my eyes that made me want to lash out.

"Ren...talk to me, tell me what's happened."

Her voice, delicate...hesitant...so unlike her and I wonder why she is even here.

I did not seek her out, not this time.

Her footsteps make no sound...but I can feel her moving closer to me.

The scream of metal and the datapad that I held in my grip, the one that held the recording of the massacre, was now broken.

Beyond repair.

"Get away from me Rey."

I knew that I could easily do this to her. I move away from her, the datapad slipping from my fingers as I brace myself on the metal shelf.

"I'm not leaving," soft words...but I can hear her stubbornness with every syllable, "not until you talk to me."

"There is nothing to say," again the kiss of power and death filling my soul, "I told you to leave."

She would leave. I knew she would. The others on my ship, the officers and my guards, none would disobey me.

_No! Don't let her go!_

A cry, from deep within me at the thought of losing her, cracked the numbness that had encased me.

My body shook with the force of that thought and once more I could here the cries of the younglings...and beneath that, the cry of the boy who I used be.

The echo of that wounded boy, I thought I had destroyed that part of me, weakened my control further.

Arms, delicate yet strong, wrapped around me.

Holding me, warmth flooding through me. The sound of another heartbeat next to mine.

_Rey. _

My fingers clench in an effort not to turn around, to haul her into my arms, to let her warmth chase away the ice in my veins.

_No. _

To give in now...to show my weakness to her...

"Don't...don't push me away."

A stillness comes over me, I had never heard her like...this. As though she were the one who was breaking and not me.

Another fissure in the ice I cloaked myself in.

"Ren," my name on her lips catches my attention as nothing else could, her arms tightening around me, a gentle cage that I cannot break free from "you asked me to trust you, that day in the woods. Do you remember?"

The fissure lengthens as her words awaken the memory; our roles reversed at the time. She had been stiff, unyielding in my arms...I needed her trust, to let go and let me help her.

Why would she bring that up now?

"I...yes."

"I'm asking you now, to trust _me_. Whatever has happened, I'm here."

Ardent words tinged with desperation.

Rey worried about...me.

Asking me to trust her.

She, who I know through our bond, trusts very few people.

It shatter the ice inside of me, the rage and grief a miasma inside of me.

"They're dead. All of them."

Words that I had locked up inside of me, spill out now in front of her and cracks in the metal appear beneath my hands.

I know my words will have no meaning to her but she still does not let go.

Her touch is both my anchor and my undoing.

The truth spills from me, bottled up for so long, it is like a torrent. I tell her...everything.

The younglings I watched being massacred by one of my Generals.

She is silent for all of it, until I reach the end and then she asks a single question that is full of horror...and my rage is once more a furnace in my blood.

It demands an outlet...and I will not harm her.

Not Rey.

The shelf I am holding onto bears the full weight of my fury as I rip it from the walls, the scream of metal not even remotely satisfying.

But it will have to do.

I remember that she asked a question...and now I answer her, the anger held once more in check.

I tell her about General Reo...and the sickness that was inside of him.

"How...can you know that?"

Shocked words...and revulsion as well.

"Because I tore it from his mind."

I slip out of her grasp and force myself to look at her.

To see where my trust in this strong, complex woman, leads me.

Huge eyes look up at me, sorrow and compassion intertwined. But there is no hate in her eyes.

Not for me.

A damn breaks loose inside of me, a torrent of emotions that I cannot hide from her.

Not from those amber eyes that seem to look directly into my scarred, maimed soul.

"This is war," I tell her, needing her to believe me...to believe _in _me, "but I would not kill younglings. I may be a monster but I _never _ordered them to be butchered like animals."

I use her words from that first day...no longer mocking, but the truth. I have done things that have made me a monster in the eyes of others. But there are lines that even I will not cross.

"Ren," her breath catches and I see the bright sheen in her eyes, my Rey is trying not to cry, "you are not a monster."

Her words are like a punch to my gut...and I feel the darkness inside of me, the power that makes me a Sith, shudder and pull away from me.

Once more being driven away by the light in her eyes.

_No...not yet...I will not let you go..._

A harsh voice inside my head...driving away the gentle light...the darkness sweeping through me, driving its talons into my soul.

I look at Rey and strip her of her illusions of me, once and for all.

It was time for her to see the monster again. To remind her of what I was.

I tell her exactly what I did to General Reo, to what I will do to anyone else who dares to defy my authority.

Her gaze does not waver from mine...she does flee in horror at my words...and her strength once more surprises me.

Does she not see the blood on my hands?

I look down and know that my hands, despite the gloves I wear, are stained crimson with all of the lives that I have taken.

Will continue to take so long as this war remains.

However...

I look up at her...once more needing her to understand where I stand in this conflict.

After all...she knows all too well how easily innocents can be torn away.

"Adults...we make our choices. Know the consequences of actions, even if it means death. Collateral damage, we tell ourselves...but not the children. They are the innocent."

What I expected from her...a speech about the Light...the good of the Old Republic perhaps...or a reminder of my mother...

But she does nothing that I could have predicted.

There is a fierce light in her eyes...and then her arms are wrapped around me, her face buried in my chest.

The shock of her actions leaves me momentarily senseless...I want to hold her, the desire a rage in my blood that leaves me trembling...but I cannot.

Not after telling her about the dead younglings...and the anger that continues to burn.

I would hurt her...I am not a safe person to be around, not now.

"I am glad you killed him," she tells me, and the anger in her voice somehow diminishes my own, as thought I am not alone, "but now you need to let this go."

She looks up at me, her hands flat on my chest.

Still connected.

"Don't let this destroy you."

Worry...desperation...I can see it all in her eyes.

My anger...it is crashing up against my need to take that look from her eyes.

"Please Ren," such sorrow...as I have never heard from anyone, as she lifts her hands to touch my face, "come back to me."

A single tear slips down the curve of her cheek and it snuffs out the rage inside of me.

Rey...her sorrow...she is crying for me.

No one has cried for me...I cannot remember the last time someone shed a tear for my sake alone.

I am undone and the fight goes out of me. I drop to my knee's and give into the one thing I desire more than anything.

I wrap my arms around her, burying myself in her warmth...her gentleness...her forgiveness.

_I'm hurting her. I'm holding too tightly. _

I know I need to let go...I know I must be hurting her...

I feel her touch, the warmth of her fingers as she strokes my hair, moving closer to me.

"It's okay," her voice shatters my will and I know now that she is the one holding me prisoner, "I'm here."

_Forgive me..._

The cries of the children...they are quiet in my mind.

_Forgive me..._

Their eyes, dead and uncomprehending, are no longer a vision in my mind.

Rey, at my side, her voice a balm to my scarred soul, my maimed heart.

For the first time since I went to go train with Luke, my soul finds peace.

But it is a fleeting dream and once more reality intrudes like an unwanted guest.

I hear them, my guards. Their distinctive footfalls in unmistakable.

My time of grace is at an end.

I feel Rey startle at the sound, her fingers slipping from me and the loss of her warmth snaps me back to reality.

I cannot allow anyone to see me as I was.

I am on my feet, putting distance between us before I can give into the urge and surrender myself back into her arms.

"You need to go. My guards will be here soon."

My guards are not the normal praetorian guards. These men and women...each has the spark of the Force within them.

It was why I handpicked them and trained them.

Though their connection with the Force is minimal...it might just be enough for them to see Rey.

That is unacceptable.

She looks at me, an ache in her eyes I just barely glimpse before she turns away from me.

She hugs her arms about her body, as if cold. I cannot turn my eyes away from her and I see it..the slightest tremble in her body.

The memory of that single tear sliding down her face and I cannot stop myself from calling out to her.

To make sure that she isn't crying.

She turns back to me, a bright sheen in her eyes but no tears.

Starlight illuminates her beauty in a way that has me catching my breath. I find myself tracing the arch of her brow, the curve of her cheek, following the path to her parted lips.

I have seen her beauty, her strength...and now I have felt her warmth, her compassion...and her forgiveness.

If there are long, forgotten gods out in the universe, then they must have made her just for me.

Just as I was made for her and her alone.

I want to tell her exactly what she means to me...but there is no time and it is far too soon.

Instead I tell her something else, something that I haven't said to another person since I was a small boy of eight.

"Thank you."

Her eyes widen, I know my words were not what she expected and she is once more reaching for me, questions in her startled gaze.

"Wait-"

The guards are already at the door and I sever our link immediately.

She vanishes from my sight, her unasked question hovering in the air.

"Sir...we heard a noise just now..."

"It was nothing. Go back to your post."

Cool words, shards of ice coating the air as I once more shove the emotions she evokes in me back where they belong.

In the secret corner of my soul, where the darkness dares not tread and that terrible laughter cannot reach.

It is that single piece of Light that will not diminish or fade with time.

Because that Light...it belongs to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note**: Update! Yes, I know, I'm a day early but it's also not as long as my other chapters. Hope you don't mind! My many thanks for everyone who is now following/leaving reviews for my story. It makes my day every time. Also as a reminder, this story has a T rating but I'm talking 16+ for some serious sensuality. You've been warned. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer_: _**I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **It's like an addiction I can't quit...

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

_Where are you?_

How many times had I found myself asking that question? When did he stop being my enemy...and start being something more?

I can't call it friendship...this bond between us, it seems more than something as simple as friendship.

It is not the relationship I have with Finn, who is like a brother to me.

It is also not like the one I have with Poe. He drives me insane, but I couldn't imagine anyone else taking over as commander for Leia. He is a natural leader...in a way that I could never fulfill.

No my feelings for Ren...they are so complicated...and yet I catch myself thinking of him, even when I should be concentrating on other things.

Like the Resistance.

Or finding my path as a Jedi.

But I do.

I wonder how he is doing. If he is sleeping, or is he in some distant part of his ship, staring at the sea of stars as I so often see him in my mind's eye.

Does he think of me...what _does _he think of me?

That look in his eyes during our last meeting...just what did he mean...what was he thanking me for?

It feels like I have a hundred questions running in me...and no clear answer to any of them.

We're in space again, heading towards another star system in hopes of finding others to join us.

To join our fight against the First Order.

But it will be hours yet before we reach our destination and sleep pulls at my mind.

I have found very little rest this past week, to busy trying to make repairs to the fleet, to find my way...no I'm just making excuses for myself.

I've found little rest because I can't stop thinking of him.

Is this...what love feels like?

It is my last thought before I curl up on my bed, willing my mind to calm...to stop my heart from reaching...for yearning for something that I could never have.

For someone to love me.

_Fingers in my hair, a gentle touch that is almost hesitant and yet it leaves a trail of fire inside of me, my nerves tingling. _

_ I open my eyes to see midnight eyes watching me, the shock of dark hair against his fair skin. _

_ "Ren."  
_

_My voice is full of sleep, my body relaxed in a way that I haven't felt in weeks. _

_ His fingers are still in my hair, but he's stopped moving._

_ "Don't stop," I tell him, still drowsing, "that feels good."_

_ He arches an eyebrow at me...and then I feel him once more stroking my hair._

_ I sigh with pleasure, rubbing my face against something that is hard...yet warm. _

_ The scent of rain and frost surrounds me...but beneath that is a more masculine scent...something that is somehow only Ren. _

_ The strong scent...the warmth beneath my face...my drowsing mind finally makes the connection._

_ My 'pillow' is Ren's thigh. I have my head resting on him._

_ Heat blooms across my face and I know I should pull away now...but I don't. _

_ He is still stroking my hair, the pleasure of his touch bone deep and I am still not quite awake, my body pliant against his. _

_ "Rey."_

_ "Mmm?"_

_ I rub my face against his clothing, taking the scent of him deep inside of me. _

_ "What are you doing?"_

_ "Laying here."_

_ I roll over so that I can look up at him. He is still watching me, his expression guarded._

_ But he hasn't stopped stroking my hair and I smile up at him. _

_ His fingers stop altogether and there is a pained look on his face._

_ I reach up, reacting to his pain, and cup his face._

_ "What's wrong? Am I hurting you?"_

_ I move to get up, but he does two things at the same time. He captures my hand and gently pushes me back down so I'm resting on him again._

_ "Stay. You're not hurting me."_

_ I would have argued...except he's stroking my hair again...and now his eyes are closed and he presses his face into my hand._

_ My heart stutters at his contact...but I don't take back my hand...because the pain is gone from his face._

_ My arm begins to ache a little, even with him supporting me._

_ "Ren, lean down. You're making my arm hurt."_

_ His eyes flicker open...and then he leans down and l slip my hand free...so I can touch his hair._

_ "Better?"_

_ A quiet murmur from his lips but he is close enough that I can hear him perfectly._

_ My fingers still in his hair...because I can see a ghost of smile in his eyes. His lips do not smile...but that single word had a teasing edge to it. _

_ I can feel my lips curving in answer, my reflection in his dark gaze. _

_ "Almost."_

_ He is so close I could count every lash around his eyes...if I wasn't already drowning in him. _

_ It's so easy what I do next. I didn't even think about it._

_ I shift my hand so that I cradle his head...and pull him closer. He doesn't fight me, instead I fell his fingers tighten in my hair._

_ I can't lift my head...but that doesn't matter._

_ Not now...our breath mingles...and then I feel his mouth on mine._

_ My eyes close, heat sweeping over me. _

_ I thought I was drowning before...but I was wrong. _

_ His mouth...I love the feel of it...shaping over mine, gasping as he takes control, deepening the kiss until my fingers clench in his hair._

_ I can't breathe...I don't ever want him to stop..._

"Rey...Rey!"

I come awake with a gasp, my heart pounding and the fire in my blood a voracious need.

I look around, my mind disoriented...looking for Ren.

Instead I see Finn standing over me, concern in his brown eyes.

"Hey...you okay? Had a bad dream?"

_Not in the slightest. _

"No."

My answer is curt and I see him staring at me and I have to pull myself back to the present.

"Sorry...still waking up. What's up?"

"ETA is at twenty minutes until we reach the Belriin System."

I could only stare at him. I had been asleep for nearly three hours...and yet it felt as though I just laid down.

"Right. I'll be ready. Meet you up front in ten minutes."

"Sure. Make sure you put your war face on. Rumor is this System has been known to house a few bounty hunters here and there."

"Got it."

I waited for Finn to finally leave. My mind was...chaotic...yet oddly energized.

"Was it...only a dream?"

My fingers were already lifting to touch my lips...I could still feel his mouth pressed against mine...

"Ren."

I whisper his name. I try closing my eyes, to quell my still pounding heart and get myself back under control.

_Rey. _

I snap my eyes open, his voice as clear as if he were standing right next to me...but I was still alone.

I get up, energy bursting through me. I couldn't explain it, I was about to go to a System in hopes of finding help to thwart the First Order... and it was Ren who had given me that strength to keep going.

It made no sense and was utter madness.

I couldn't suppress the grin on my face.

I felt as though I could take on the entire galaxy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **Second update. Hope this makes up for the short chapter from the previous update. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Love it? Hate it? I want to know!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

She was a distraction I couldn't afford.

I thought I had severed all emotions dealing with affection...with love.

Yet there she was, deep inside of me, her light never fading.

She was a weakness in my defense...and yet I could not cast her aside.

"Sir, we've just left the Pentaris System, our next heading?"

I turn away from my thoughts and focus on where my duty lies.

The First Order.

"Take us to the Ithacos Nebula."

It was rumored that their fighters were strong enough to take on the First Order. If that was correct, then they would either join us or die.

"Coordinates in. ETA puts us at three hours."

"Fine. Contact me when we reach the outer perimeter."

I cut the comm and lean back against my chair, turning away from the view as we jump into lightspeed.

I should leave here, go and get more training in, prepare for another confrontation with Resistance...but I pass a hand over my weary eyes.

The last time I had slept was nearly two days ago and only briefly.

Until we reached Ithacos, the rest could wait.

I close my eyes, intending only to shut them for a few minutes before I continue on...

_Something is pressed against me, a weight that should not be there. I snap my eyes open and reach for my saber...only to pull back as I look down to see Rey resting her head on my upper thigh._

_ A soft, feminine sigh steals from her lips as she shifts closer. Her hair has escaped its confines and the strands, dark sable with a hint of fire, flow down her back and over my leg._

_ I only have a side view of her face...but even that shows me the dark circles beneath one closed eye._

_ It seems Rey has not been sleeping well either. Perhaps the pressures of being a Jedi were starting to take their toll._

_ She shifts, a sleepy murmur and her features tighten...as if in pain._

_ I don't even take time to think what I do next._

_ I slip the gloves off of my hands...and give into my need. Her hair is cool silk beneath my fingers and evokes the scent of elusive flowers in its wake._

_ My gut tightens as sparks dance along my fingers, a nearly painful pleasure as I stroke her hair, her body going pliant against mine. _

_ I know she is my weakness...and I will kill anyone who dares to harm her. _

_ A hitch in her breath and then she turns her head, the long curve of her lashes lifting to reveal the amber glow of her eyes. _

_ My fingers halt, waiting. As soon as she realizes where she is...she'll pull away. _

_ "Ren," her voice is sleepy...sensual in an unguarded way that is a brush of fire along my senses, "don't stop. That feels good."_

_ It takes me a minute to comprehend her words, desire momentarily derailing my ability to think...and the words sink in._

_ Rey telling me, the Supreme Leader, to keep petting her. I can only silently shake my head at her utter lack of fear...but that doesn't stop me from once more threading my fingers through her hair._

_ A soft sigh...and her body relaxes even more against mine. I dare not move, except to keep stroking her...and then she turns and rubs her face against my leg._

_ I grit my teeth against the sensual movement, wondering if she has any idea what she is doing to me._

_ "Rey."_

_ I bite out her name, forcing my hand to stay in hair and not move across the temptation of her skin._

_ "Mmm?"_

_ The sound she makes...I haven't heard the purr of a cat in quite some time, but that is what she sounds like. _

_ Her face continues to rub against me, only moving higher. _

_ "What are you doing?" _

_ I prided myself on my control...and yet her simple movement threatened to shatter it to pieces._

_ "Laying here."_

_ Her words were lazy...and yet I sensed the laughter behind it, as if it were obvious. _

_ Rey, teasing me with her words._

_ She shifts again, lying flat on her back and I moved to keep stroking her hair. It was longer, I noted with mild surprise, than from the last time I had seen her with it down. _

_ I was also fascinated with the delicate blush that crossed both her cheekbones. _

_ Her eyes opened at that exact time and I was momentarily caught by the sleepy fire in them and then my world stopped._

_ She smiled at me. Unguarded and with such open delight that the sudden vice around my heart was nearly painful in response._

_ "What's wrong? Am I hurting you?"_

_ Her hand against my face, concern etched in her eyes as she tries to move off of me._

_ The heat of her skin branded me._

_ The weight of her body leaving mine was like having a limb cut off._

_ I quickly captured her hand and pushed her back down, albeit gently. _

_ "Stay. You're not hurting me."_

_ I tried to keep my words soft, but I could not stop the command and I saw her eyes narrow just slightly._

_ She wasn't going to listen._

_ I slid my fingers through her hair, hoping the sensation would distract her...but I still had her hand cradled in mine and the temptation of her skin was something even I couldn't turn away from._

_ I closed my eyes, pressing myself into her palm. I could feel the slight callouses against my skin._

_ It went beyond pleasure bordering on pain and I didn't care. _

_ "Ren," her words slightly breathless, "lean down. You're hurting my arm."_

_ I snap my eyes open and there is no fear, no indication that she wants to pull away from me._

_ It is such a simple thing her request that I find myself already obeying. _

_ I lean down until we are bare inches apart. I can see her eyes, each fracture of color that nothing in this universe can match. _

_ Her hand slips away from mine and before I can recapture her warmth, she slides her fingers into my hair._

_ Desire, that low burning ember, flares once more inside of me. _

_ "Better?"_

_ I pitch my voice low and watch her eyes dilate, the hitch in her breath a physical response to our close proximity. _

_ Her fingers hold in my hair as I refuse to drop my gaze, seeing my reflection in her eyes. _

_ "Almost."_

_ Her reply is impossibly quiet, a bare parting of her lips and yet I heard her quite clearly. _

_ I feel a small pressure against my head and it is Rey, trying to pull me closer._

_ Since this is exactly what I want as well, I don't fight her, allowing her to pull me closer...even as I tighten my grip in her hair._

_ She is all huge eyes and parted lips, that flush of color more pronounced on her creamy skin...and I close the distance between us, pressing my mouth against hers._

_ Heat...delicious heat, a gasp as I feel her tremble beneath me and my control snaps. _

_ My fingers fist in her hair, taking her mouth...her every breath mine as she sighs into me, her own fingers digging into my scalp. _

_ I want more...I _need _more..._

"Sir...Sir are you there?"

My eyes snap open, the pulse of my blood like a drum inside my head. My hand is already reaching out...for Rey.

But there is nothing to grab.

Only the voice of the lieutenant over the comm.

"Why have you disturbed me?"

My words hold distinct displeasure in them and I can here him visibly swallow.

"Y-you wanted to be informed when we reached the outer perimeter. W-we're just arriving now."

His words make no sense. I just closed my eyes for only a moment...but the lieutenant has no self-destructive tendencies that I have seen...so it must be true.

"I'm on my way. Maintain speed."

"Sir!"

The annoyance is gone...and my thought once more return to that...dream.

Unlike anything I have experienced in the past, it was that vivid...that sharp.

I can still feel the silk of her skin...the press of her mouth against mine in trembling desire.

My hand, still gloved, lifts to my mouth.

"Rey."

_Ren._

Her voice, a kiss of fire in my mind, has me out of my chair...but there is no one in the room with me.

I control my breathing, the dark ebb of desire that pounds in me, retreating beneath the icy calm I call back.

I reach for my cloak, fastening it around my shoulders. Once more I am the Supreme Leader.

The weariness that overcame me earlier is gone. I feel stronger, my senses sharper...and my will absolute.

I can still feel her, here by my side. Where she is always meant to belong.

There is no question that the First Order will show this Nebula who is the strongest.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: **Update! Thank you everyone for all of your lovely reviews and support! It means everything to me. Again, my rating is meant for 16+ and the warning still stands so without further ado...Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Love it? Hate it? I want to know!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

_Breathe. Just breathe. _

I repeated the words in my mind, stretching my senses, feeling the Force flow through me.

I could hear the fall of rain, feel the warm kiss of the wind as it blew through the entrance of the cave.

The world outside was silence, only myself and the elements remained awake.

The white moon remained sentinel over all of it. It's twin yet rising to join.

I opened my eyes, a breathless wonder in me as I could make out individual raindrops, the moonlight shattering them into a thousand pinpricks of light.

It was as if time had slowed down allowing me a glimpse of beauty.

The flash of lightening split the sky, breaking my concentration and the beauty was gone, only the fall of water once more.

I sighed and got to my feet, stretching. I ached from sitting in one position too long but I felt calmer.

No longer filled with a strange yearning from a dream that hadn't seemed like a dream.

My fingers touched my lips...and I didn't remember even raising my hand.

"Stop it," I tell myself, "it wasn't real."

_No matter how much I wanted it to be. _

I can still feel him, his fingers in my hair...the taste of his mouth against mine, the heat of his body.

"This is _not _helping!"

What is wrong with me? Why am I so restless? I thought coming here would help me find my center, regain my equilibrium.

I found moments of peace...but then my thoughts would once again circle back to him.

To that dream.

To that kiss.

"Damn it!"

"Problems?"

A dark voice, velvet over an iron fist. The scent of rain kissed by frost that caress my senses, sending my already chaotic thoughts tumbling over each other.

I turn to see Ren leaning up against my cave wall.

He's dressed in a loose, black shirt that leaves his arms bare and tight-fitted black pants. I notice he is still wearing the protective gloves on his hands.

His raven hair is mussed and his skin is gleaming, as though he'd been sweating recently.

My mouth goes dry at the sight of him and I have to swallow in order to get the words out.

"What are you doing here?"

He lifts a dark, slender eyebrow in my direction. Ebony eyes look at me with distinct amusement.

I clench my fist, even as butterflies take wing in my blood.

"Where exactly is 'here'?"

I open my mouth to tell him...and then abruptly shut it.

I am not completely lacking in common sense to tell him where to find me.

"So...back to that are we?"

He sounds...disappointed and my stomach clenches in response.

"The fleet's not here." I tell him with a lift of my chin, trying to justify the hurt my words caused him, "It's just me."

"I wasn't asking about the Resistance," he tells me with a dismissal of his hand, "I was asking where I was."

"With me."

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and even I can hear my confusion...and my longing so clearly that it makes me blush and turn away from him.

_Stupid dream. Stupid, stupid dream. _

I was confusing the Ren before me with the Ren I had dreamed about. The Ren who had looked at me with such tenderness...and unconcealed desire. That Ren had played with my hair and allowed me to pull him down and...

"Yes, I am."

Soft words but there was something in them that has me turning around, once more looking at him with wariness and a hidden flutter of anticipation.

Our eyes lock and there is no amusement in them anymore, just his intense focus on me.

That strange restlessness is back, like my skin is too tight and I feel as though I am about to fall.

The butterflies in my blood have turned to a swarm as he continues to look at me with his haunted eyes.

"What?"

The word is sharper than I intended but the way he is watching me, the chaos in my blood, that feeling of once again falling...it's too much and my defenses come up.

He takes a step towards me his eyes never leaving my face.

My breath catches and I can't help it, I step back.

This wasn't about the First Order and the Resistance.

I could handle him when this was about the war. I knew where I stood on the battlefield.

But this...

This had _nothing _to do with the war. This was about us.

He looked at me as though he wanted to devour me, the dark light in his eyes making every feminine instinct in me come to startled awareness.

_The feel of his fingers in my hair, the taste of his mouth...begging for more..._

Why was I remembering that dream now, of all times?

"I wonder what thoughts lurk behind your eyes to give your skin that lovely bit of color?"

I backed up another step, the purr of sensuality in his voice stealing the strength right out of me.

He is still moving closer to me unhurried but determined.

My back hits a wall and my breath hisses out. The cool stone is a shock to my senses.

My clothing, the thin sleeveless top and shorts in defense to the humidity, were little protection.

He's already standing before me, blocking out everything until all I can see is him.

All I can feel is him.

"You...you don't scare me. So quite trying to intimidate me."

Brave words, considering the position I put myself in. I know he isn't really here, that I'm not in any danger of him but the look in his eyes is making my insides quiver in a delicious way that is also terrifying me.

A slight curve to his lips...not a smile, no. There is too much darkness, to much knowledge in his eyes for it to be a smile.

He leans in bracing his arm above me. Trapping my body between him and the wall.

Despite telling myself he isn't here I can still smell his scent.

Rain and frost...and something else, something so male that I know it's only him.

Ren.

My eyes widen...because that was the scent I remember from my dream...when I had rubbed my face against his leg.

But that was impossible...

I swallow hard, my hands flat against the stone. Something, anything to anchor me to this place, to this time.

Somehow my dreams and my reality were beginning to blur where he was concerned.

"You still look the same," a murmur from his lips and words that I don't understand, "would you still taste the same?"

"What," I swallow hard, my heart feeling as though its crawled into my throat, "are you talking about?"

"I dreamed of you," he tells me in that deceptively mild voice, but the heat in his eyes making me tremble, "I can still feel you."

He reaches up with his other hand and I can scarcely breath when he pulls a tendril of my hair away from my face.

He frowns as he rubs the strands between his gloved fingers.

_Warm fingers caressing my hair, the shock of pleasure at the touch of his skin..._

The words he spoke early, the ones I didn't understand took on a startling clarity that had me staring up at him with disbelief.

He drops my hair, his focus once more back on me.

"Rey."

It's the same. The same ache I heard when I woke from my dream, reaching for him.

Hearing him call my name.

I have to know. I have to know if I'm going mad...or I'm right and we shared the same dream.

"I...I dreamed of you."

His eyes widen, disbelief that I felt earlier mirrored before me.

He dips his head closer to mine...but goes no further than that.

Drowning eyes stare into me, a dark spell that I can't break away from.

"What did you dream?"

Caressing words, whispers of temptation that wrap around me like silken cords.

Binding us together.

"You were touching my hair...like now...only you weren't wearing gloves."

I feel him tremble, hear the sound of leather scrape against stone...but he doesn't move.

Not an inch.

"What else?"

A harsh demand, his eyes pulling every secret from my soul.

"I had my head resting..."

"On my leg," he finished my sentence and I can barely breathe at his response, "Your hair spilled over me, you let it grow out."

My hair was pulled into a tight braid and twisted up. There was no way he could know how long my hair was now.

"Ren."

A flash of obsidian in his gaze and he moves closer, our bodies now pressed against each other.

The strength of him, the feel of his weight against me as his other arm braces against the wall.

I am now fully trapped by him.

"There was more. Tell me you remember."

I should have been shoving him away, freeing myself from his aggressive stance.

Telling him that I didn't remember anything else.

That this was madness and we both needed our heads checked.

My hands come up gripping his shirt...but only so I can hold him in place.

I don't bother to use words him.

I show him.

Despite him leaning down, he's still taller than me and I lift up on my toes so I can reach his mouth.

His lips, yielding beneath mine, the hot rush of pleasure swimming in my blood as I kiss him.

It was nothing like the dream. I could feel this, _feel _him in a way that made the yearning I felt earlier seem trivial.

It was addicting, the way he fed my endless need to touch him. _He _was addicting and I didn't want to stop.

I wound my arms around him, kissing him, tasting him until my wrists were abruptly pinned to the wall behind me.

Ren pulls away from me and the loss of contact snaps my eyes open, a strange haze over them as I stare up at him.

"Ren?"

Why did he pull away...and why was he restraining me...

Before panic can settle in me, his mouth is already on mine.

This time I am the one yielding beneath him.

A sound I never knew I could make escapes me. A soft, needy sigh that makes him shudder and presses harder against me.

He's devouring me, taking every breath from my lungs...and I want more.

The tip of my tongue touches his and my wrists are no longer restrained.

His fingers are clenched in my hair, my braid unraveling beneath his strength and his arm is lifting me against the wall.

I wrap my legs around his waist, his weight holding me up.

I was utterly trapped by him and I never wanted him to let go.

My fingers are buried in the dark silk of his hair, meeting his mouth, kiss for kiss.

Time flows around us and I forget everything...but him. I draw in a ragged breath, but his mouth is already finding mine and I'm drowning in him.

It is his turn to pull away, breathing in hard gasps but it isn't enough. I'm already pulling him back to me, fitting our mouths together.

Stealing his air so I can breathe him in.

We pull away at the same time, the sound of our harsh breathing the only noise in this silent world.

Our eye collide.

There is a flush of heat against his cheekbones, a wild look in his gaze as we stare at each other.

He is still holding me up against the wall, my hands still clutching his hair.

"So...you do remember."

Rough words, heavy with desire and I can feel his racing heart against mine.

"Yes."

I don't want to talk anymore.

I'm already pulling him back to me, fusing our mouths together.

No one told me it could be like this. Nothing in my life prepared me for this...for him.

He shifts his hold, his mouth leaving mine and I gasp his name as he leaves a trail of fire down my skin.

His teeth close down where my neck and shoulder meet.

Lightning in my blood. My back arching in shocked pleasure at the feel of his teeth on my skin.

"Ben!"

I cry out his name, his _real _name and I feel him shudder, a nip of pain that is not pain on my neck and then the cool kiss of air as he pulls away.

I open my eyes to see him staring at me, desire and anger at war within him.

I am still drunk on the taste of him. It takes me a longer to realize that he's pulling my hands from his hair...pulling away from me.

The loss of his weight and I quickly unwrap my legs from around him, afraid I was about to fall.

I am on my feet, still feeling dazed and out of focus, when he steps away from me.

His back is to me and I see the tension in his broad shoulders.

"Wait...Ben..."

His hands clench into fists and the silence stretches between us and I feel like I am walking a knife's edge.

"I told you my name is Kylo Ren," he looks over his shoulder at me, that wild look in his eyes gone, "_not _Ben Solo. That man no longer exists."

His words carry the cold kiss of winter, dousing the fire he had awoken in me.

I shake my head, wrapping my arms around me, denying his words.

_Ben _had been the one kissing me. It was _Ben _who wrapped me up in his arms, making me feel powerful and vulnerable at the same time.

When I lift my head to look at him, to argue against him...he's gone.

"Damn you Ben Solo! This is _not _over between us!"

Anger and frustration cascading over me as I scream the words into the empty night but it is gone just as quickly as it came.

So does my strength and I fall to the ground, covering my face as the tears that I cannot stop begin to fall.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes: **Update! Hope everyone is still enjoying the story! So without further ado...

**Disclaimer: **I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! Reviews!**

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

_CRASH._

Another training droid drops as I shove my saber through its circuits, the smell of burning metal heavy in the air.

The ground is littered with the broken remains of my training session. I can feel a trickle of sweat down my face and I wipe it away.

"Enough."

The droids set to strike power down and I look around at the carnage, only mildly satisfied with the results.

I hit the comm button next to the wall. "Send maintenance to clean up the mess."

I don't bother to hear the reply and make my way back to my personal quarters.

The scent of burning metal still lingers as I walk in my room, moving towards the bathroom, intent on washing away the sweat.

I walk into the bathroom...

...and find myself in what appears to be a cave.

But the cave is not my focus. Only the person occupying the space.

Rey with her back to me, pacing and obviously agitated.

_She doesn't realize I'm here. _

Well I saw no reason to relieve of the fact and lean up against the wall allowing myself to drink in the sight of her.

Her clothing is not what she normally wears...but distinctly appealing. The white top is little more than a scrap of cloth but I can see the slim column of the back of her neck where she has pulled her hair up, the gentle curve of her waist.

The black shorts hug the flair of her hips, a sharp contrast to the fair skin of her legs.

"Damn it!"

She sounds frustrated and more than a little aggravated. I might have been more sympathetic...except that damn dream has given me more than a few restless nights complete with necessary frigid showers in the wake of them.

"Problems?"

I watch with pleasure as I see her body tremble slightly as she turns, realizing she is no longer alone with her thoughts.

Startled eyes meet mine and I find that the breath in my lungs is gone. I thought her clothing appealing from the back...but seeing her turned around was having more of a effect on me than anticipated.

"What are you doing here?"

Sharp words that snapped my attention back to the matter at hand...and away from the physical temptation in front of me.

She looked like she normally did, wary and almost defensive when I show up.

Not the Rey from my dreams who looked at me eyes filled with trust...and unconcealed desire.

I shake my head mentally away from that particular memory.

"Where exactly is 'here'."

The cave was nondescript and the rain was obscuring the sky except for the sliver of a moon that peaked out from beneath the rolling clouds.

None of it an indication of where I currently found myself.

I see her begin to answer me but then her body stiffens and she looks away, her lips drawn tight together.

I expected that, I am after all the Supreme Leader.

Her enemy.

So then why does my heart feel bruised by her actions?

"So...back to that are we?"

Perhaps I was fooling myself with all of this. Our last Force Bond had brought her to me in my weakened state and she had offered comfort...and in that dream she had been soft and yielding in my arms.

I see her chin lift, a defiant glint in her amber eyes.

"The fleets not here," she tells me, as if I couldn't already guess by her isolation, "it's just me."

I don't want her to the Supreme Leader.

I want her to see me.

"I wasn't asking about the Resistance," I tell her with a sigh and a wave of my hand, as if her rebel friends were a trivial matter, "I asked where I was."

"With me."

I hear the confusion, but it is the obvious longing in those two words that makes my body tighten unexpectedly. I see her eyes widen and once more she presents me with her back.

Something she would never have done if she still viewed me as the Supreme Leader.

_A look of delight that touches her lips...the press of her body against mine..._

I swallow as memories of that dream I cannot shake take hold of me. Her voice...it held the same cadence when she asked me to keep stroking her hair, but without the confusion.

Perhaps there was more going on with her that what she is showing me.

"Yes, I am."

_Turn around and let me look at you Rey. Show me what you're trying so desperately to hide away. _

She turns back to me, surprising me on the heels of my thoughts, and I glimpse something I didn't expect to see in her wide-eyed gaze.

Desire.

Just a flicker, not the open flame I remember from the dream, but still there.

I dare not turn away least that flicker die and turn to ash and she once again tries to put distance between us.

"What?"

Defensive words that might have made me pause...except for the slash of heat across her face and the dart of her gaze as they land on my mouth.

Her breath catches as I move away from the wall.

She takes a step back and her eyes quickly move back to mine. The delicate blush that I find so charming is more pronounced as I move closer.

That flicker of arousal I see is stronger now. Harder for her to hide as I move closer still.

"I wonder what thoughts lurk behind your eyes to give your skin that lovely bit of color?"

I let my desire color my words, watching with avid eyes as she continues to back away from me.

There is a wall directly behind her and she seems oblivious to that fact.

If she truly wanted to end this, she could.

I am only here because of her.

I take another step...and her back hits the wall.

There is no where left for her to run and I close the gap between us.

She is inches from me but I don't move any further.

I don't want to see fear in her eyes. If I am wrong about this...

"You...you don't scare me. So quite trying to intimidate me."

I might have taken her seriously, if not for the fact that she was looking up at me with parted lips and dilated eyes...

..._her fingers in my hair, her hand pressed against my face. Huge eyes and parted lips that have the beginning's of a smile at the edges..._

This connection and my dream are starting to merge into one. This Rey before me, I know her. Her contradictions fascinate me, compel me to keep coming back.

But the Rey in my dream...yielding and sweetly demanding at the same time...that Rey, she owned my soul. There was nothing I would deny her if she would turn those molten eyes to me, always.

I leaned in bracing my arm above her head...but still giving her a way out.

I needed to know if the Rey before me was the woman in my dreams.

"You look the same," my Rey had glowing eyes and a mouth that begged to be kissed only by me, "but would you still taste the same?"

I didn't realize I had spoken the word out loud until her eyes looked at me with confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

A tendril of sable hair slips out of her tight braid, framing the side of her face.

_The warm weight of her hair, sable shot with hidden threads of fire, falling over my leg. The hint of an elusive flower that I cannot name..._

"I dreamed of you," I tell her, wondering why I am even revealing this much over something that never happened between us, "I can still feel you."

Her nearness is too much and my control slips a fraction out of my iron grip. I reach out to touch her hair, bringing the scent with me.

Sunlight...and the scent of a flower I've never found.

But I cannot feel her hair, my gloves a barrier between us.

I need to stop this madness.

My dreams were becoming problematic and I did not need to give Rey any more reason to distrust me.

I dropped the lock of her hair, intending to back off when I glance up at her.

Shock in her eyes...and the hard blaze of desire that nearly cuts me off at the knee's.

I _know _that look.

I feel as though I am going insane. I'm having trouble separating the real Rey from my beautiful, haunting dream.

"Rey."

I don't know who I'm calling for, the woman who is before me...or the dream version who kissed me with unfettered desire.

"I...I dreamed of you."

Words that are barely above a whisper that I have to lean down to hear them and I swear that I truly must be going mad.

Because it sounded like she was telling me she dreamed of me as well.

Could it be? Did we share the same dream?

I had to know.

"What did you dream?"

I wouldn't let go of her eyes and kept my arm above her head, a reminder that I wasn't going anywhere.

Not until I had an answer to this madness inside of me.

Her words threaten to break my control completely.

"You were touching my hair...like now...only you weren't wearing gloves."

Impossible...she couldn't have been there, I would have known.

My fingers clench as I remember to breath. There was more...much more.

"What else?"

I can barely speak the words, my control hanging on by dying inches.

Turbulent eyes stare up at me and I can see the same madness that has been haunting me these past days, reflected in her gaze.

"I had my head resting..."

I didn't need to hear the rest. I already knew.

"On my leg," I finish for her, the sharp intake of her breath confirming what I already suspected, "your hair spilled over me, you let it grow out."

Her eyes are dilated to the point where all I can see is a thin ring of amber, her pupils taking up every other space.

"Ren."

My name on her lips, that sweet yearning I had reached for when I woke and found her not in my arms.

It was the same as before.

The Rey from my dreams and the Rey in front of me were the same.

That knowledge snaps my remaining control and I close the distance between us. I can feel each curve of her body against mine and my blood is roaring in my ears.

"There was more." I want to touch, to taste her. To make her _remember_ how she yielded to me, "tell me you remember."

_Tell me you remember so I can finally hold you and not have it be just a dream. _

A flash in her eyes and I feel her hands on me, gripping my shirt so tightly as if she were fighting for me to stay.

I would have told her I wasn't leaving until she answered me...and then she did just that.

I felt the slight shift in her body and that was all the warning I had when her mouth branded mine.

The feel of her soft lips derailed all of my thoughts, I hadn't expected her to kiss me and it left me stunned.

Until I felt her fingers in my hair and the urgent demand of her mouth that snapped my paralysis.

I had her wrists pinned to the wall and pulled back from the ardent demands of her mouth.

She looked up at me, her mouth swollen and eyes heavy-lidded with arousal.

"Ren?"

My name on her kiss-swollen lips, but there was no fear...only desire that broke the last remnants of my restraint.

I took her mouth, the demands of my own need howling inside of me. She doesn't resist but opens her mouth fully to mine.

She makes a sound so full of arousal it goes straight through me and I can't get enough of her.

I want all of her. I press my body into hers, the lush curves of her body that are a stark contrast to mine and I shudder at the undiluted pleasure it brings me.

I didn't think I could feel more aroused than I was now...until she touched the tip of her tongue to mine.

Control shatters and all I can do is _feel. _

I don't remember letting go of her hands but I can feel her fingers in my hair as I shove her body up against the wall, her legs wrapped around me.

The heat of her body is my prison, the ardent fire of her mouth, my drug.

She pulls away, her breath a ragged sound but I haven't had nearly enough to quell this storm she awoke inside of me.

I take back her mouth and she is meeting me, kiss for kiss, making demands of her own.

I wrench my mouth away, my body demanding oxygen and I take in a quick breath but she is already pulling me back to her.

Her passion only strokes mine into a relentless fury.

We both pull away, our breathing a harsh, uneven sound that fills the cave.

I thought I was holding her up but I find that I am pressing my full weight into her...holding me up.

Our eyes clash and there is nothing hidden away from me. Stark desire is a living flame in her eyes.

The same look as the one she gave me in our shared dream.

"So...you do remember."

I barely recognize my voice, roughened by this rage of desire consuming me.

"Yes."

A single word from her lips, arousal in every sweet syllable and her mouth is capturing mine, no more words between us.

Her mouth is a drug, an endless addiction I will never stop craving...but her body is a siren's call to my staved senses and I want all of her.

My mouth leaves hers, tasting the salt of her skin as I move down the slim column of her neck.

Her fingers tighten in my hair, my name a breathy plea on her lips.

But it's not enough. Not nearly enough.

I feel her trembling as my mouth closes over the arch between her neck and shoulders.

Something takes a hold of me as I bite down, the taste of her skin like nothing else.

Her back bows and her legs tighten against my body, the intimacy an electric kiss to my drowning senses.

"Ben!"

_Finally she's calling my name. _

The darkness, that living presence that has been inside me all of these years, begins to flee as pleasure and unfettered _joy _rush through me at the sound of my real name.

Along with the terror that follow in its wake.

_If I am Ben Solo...then I am no longer Kylo Ren and the First Order goes unchecked. _

My fingers tighten around her, my teeth marking her as _mine..._before I force myself to pull away from her.

Her fingers are still tangled in my hair, claiming me with her touch and I clench my jaw as I pull them free.

Desire, raw and unfulfilled, is a howling beast inside of me.

Her eyes are glassy, her breathing raspy and the sweet curve of her body pressed up against mine is a torment now.

But she called me _Ben..._and that is not who I am.

I force myself away from the willing prison I put myself in and she reacts instinctively, her legs unlocking.

I let her go only when I know she is on her feet.

Her mouth is still kiss-swollen, her hair a tumbling mess and I want to shove her back against the wall, until she tells me she belongs only to me.

I turn my back to her...on the unchecked desire raging in me with no release in sight.

"Wait...Ben."

Her voice, pleading with raw desire and a hunger that call to me...and a name that has me clenching my fist in anger...

"I told you, my name is Kylo Ren," I turn my head, catching her befuddled eyes to make sure she understands the distinction and to see exactly who is looking at her, "_not _Ben Solo. That man no longer exists."

She looks away from me, her arms wrapped around herself and she is frantically shaking her head at my words.

Her rejection of me...of _who _I am...cuts deeper than a lightsaber.

I close my eyes against the pain.

When I open them again I am back where I started, on my ship and on threshold of my bathroom.

I shudder as I grip the side of the door, anger and loss washing over me as the dark side of the Force come rushing back into me.

If only she hadn't called out _that _name...

"This isn't over between us Rey," I tell empty air as I strip and let the cascade of icy water cool my heated flesh, "I have tasted your passion and you _will _accept me. All of me."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Well here is my weekly update! I hope this makes a few people smile for the weekend. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews...**Yeah you know the drill, if you like my work drop me a comment!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

"Where are you going Rey?"

"I just need to get some supplies from the bunker. I'll be back shortly!"

Finn waved to me before joining Poe, who was going to go over latest intel with Leia regarding the First Order.

I was going to join them later as I already knew most of what Poe was going to say to Leia. We had a little down time before our next operation and I wanted to do some maintenance on my weapons before we headed out again.

"Should be just around...ouch!"

I just opened the door that led to the bunker, taking a left to supplies...but I smacked right into a bulkhead.

My eyes were watering from the sudden pain as I rubbed at the tender spot.

"Why the hell did I run into..."

Now that my eyes stopped watering I realized two things at once.

One; It was completely dark where I was at when it had been just barely morning only a few seconds ago. Two; I wasn't back on Tiros, the second moon that circled the planet Utapau near the Outer Rim.

I moved, carefully this time, through the dark interior. A window off my port showed me nothing but the smooth glide of stars through endless space.

I was on a small, personal craft in the middle of space and that could only mean one thing.

Ren.

I clench my fist as my heart rate jumps and butterflies take wing inside of me but a hot rush of anger is quickly burning to ash the traitorous flutter of those wings.

It's been nine days since he left me in that cave and I'm still furious.

I stalk through the ship knowing he had to be here somewhere. He is always close by when we connect like this.

It doesn't take me long to find the cockpit.

"Rey. I thought I felt you here with me."

I hear him before I see him and those damn butterflies I thought burned to ash in my anger begin to stir to life as his smokey voice wraps around me.

He's in the pilots chair but he's not at the actual controls.

I stalk past him, the cockpit bigger than I expected as I look down at the panel.

Auto-pilot is engaged and I note the coordinates but at the moment I can't focus on them to figure our where he's headed.

"I am _not _talking to you."

I keep my back to him and stubbornly look out the window, the drifting stars the only light I see.

"Then why are you here?"

A hint of curiosity in his cool words.

No surprise at seeing me after nine days of being apart.

As though he hadn't left me in a cave, my emotions a tempest and my body...

I can feel my nails digging into my palm as I round on him, feeling my temper flash to the surface.

"I didn't _ask _to be here! I'd sooner go back than spend another minute with you."

His eyes widen slightly at my words, but he makes no move to come near me.

"You sound angry,"

"Really," I retaliate, cutting him off before he can continue, "how could you tell?"

I can't look at him, the sight of him is making me tremble and not all of it is from the fury in my blood and I turn back to look at the starscape.

I don't understand how he can look at me so calmly when I feel like I'm burning up whenever I'm near him.

"At me," he finishes as though I hadn't just interrupted, "but you haven't told me why."

_I am not going to talk to him, I am not going to talk to him..._

Good advice, too bad I was going to ignore it.

_"_Hmm, I don't know Ren," I reflect back his calm though my words are barbed, "maybe it was the way you just _left me _back at the cave. You know _nine _days ago."

I could practically feel myself vibrating with remembered fury as I stupidly waited for him to come back.

To me.

"I see."

Quiet words in that husky voice of his that had me seeing red.

I turn on him, staring at him in with growing ire and I can't hold onto my calm.

"You see? Is that all you have to say to me! After everything you put me through!"

"Because I left?" His hands tightened around the curve of the armrest, the only sign I see that he isn't as composed as he would have me believe, "I find that difficult to believe."

"It wasn't just because you left!" The words tumble out of my mouth, feelings overriding my common sense but I manage to restrain the rest of what I wanted to tell him.

"Rey." He moves as though he's about to stand up and I hold up my hand...as if warding him off.

"Don't...just stay away."

Hurt and pain color my words.

Shock on his face that he doesn't hide from me and then he once more baffles me by sitting back down.

No argument and no hesitation.

The fact that he simply did what I asked takes some of the heat out of my temper and I turn away from his watchful eyes.

I wrap my arms around myself so that he cannot see how much I am trembling.

I am still so _angry _with him...and I am miserable with it.

"Rey," my name a sigh from his lips, heavy in the air between us, "tell me the truth. The real reason you're this angry with me."

"Because..." I whisper, feeling the burn in the back of my eyes even as I feel compelled to look at him.

He's just sitting there, a pained look on his face as he stares at me. His fingers are clenched around the arms of the chair but he makes no other move.

Because I asked him to stay away from me.

The fact that he is holding himself so tightly in check, for my sake, makes the truth spill from my lips.

"You left me...and you didn't come back to finish what you started."

I avert my gaze, feeling oddly exposed to his haunted eyes. He asked for the truth and that is what I gave him.

"I...I waited for you, to come back. But you didn't."

Memories of that day resurface and I had to close my eyes against the rush they evoked in me.

_Running out of the cave, my body so hot and my skin so tight I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. The cold rain hitting my upturned face as the clouds open up...but it isn't enough to wash away his scent from my skin. _

_ It wasn't anywhere near cold enough to chase away the heat of his mouth I can still feel on my lips...on my neck. I stand beneath the deluge, but I can still feel him pressed against me and I feel as though the echo of his touch with drive me into madness..._

"Yes I did leave," he's speaking to me and his voice is no longer calm but harsh with agitation, a rough caress that unbalances me,"but only because you made it clear you no longer wanted me there with you."

I snap my eyes open and stare at him in disbelief. His words made no sense at all.

"Ren...what part of _any _of that made you even think I wanted you to leave?"

"Perhaps it was the name you called out when I held you in my arms."

The anger that was starting to simmer in my blood dies a quick, hard death in the wake of his words.

_He thought I didn't want him because I called him Ben? __But that's his name!_

But not the name he acknowledges any more. I remember now, back when he was training me in the woods, he had asked me to call him Ren.

_Not Ben...because that is the name his mother gave him and he refuses to admit that he has any ties to that life he left behind. _

In a strange way, it made sense now.

But that didn't mean I had to like it.

I folded my arms across my chest, his answer quelling most of my anger.

"So I called you a name you didn't like and you think that made it alright for you to just...leave?"

I'm tapping my foot in annoyance as I glare at him.

He gives me a considering look but I don't turn away from him. Not anymore.

He leans back in his hair, his fingers steeple before him, his pose almost indolent now.

"Tell me," soft words with a sensual purr that make me narrow my eyes at him in wariness, "would you have appreciated it if I called you by name other than what you call yourself?"

"Of course not I'd..."

_Damn,_ I thought as I saw the glint of satisfaction in his obsidian eyes, _I fell right into trap, even though I knew one was coming. _

I pursed my lips...before blowing out a breath and uncrossing my arms.

"Fine," I tell him, throwing up my hands in surrender, "you win this one. No I would not have like it."

_Which is why I left. _

He didn't say the words out loud but they hung in the air between us.

He inclines his head to me briefly but now he's watching me with a silent smirk I can see in his eyes, despite the grave look on his face.

I put my hands on my hips. "I'm still mad at you."

Although the heat in my blood is no longer caused by anger.

Not now at least.

"Why?"

I move closer to him and I am pleased to see his eyes widen...but he remained seated.

Good. Time for a little payback after the state he left me in.

"Because," I murmur as I trap his legs between mine, leaning down as I brace my hands on the arm rests, "I wasn't finished with what you started."

"You kissed me first as I recall," he tell me with a dark glitter in his eyes, his hands resting on my waist, "so you started all of this, not me."

"So let me finish what I started."

His hands tighten around my waist and I give him a sweet smile...just before I lean back to remove his hands from my waist.

"No touching."

"Rey."

I put my finger to his lips and that stops whatever complaint he was about to make. Or so I assume he was about to make.

"Do you want me to forgive you or not?"

Dark eyes flash at me and I remove my finger so he can speak.

"What do you want from me?"

No hesitation from him. That languorous heat in me that only awakens when he is near, begins to simmer in my veins.

"Just sit there. No touching." I reiterate to make sure he's still listening.

His hands settle once more over the arms of his chair and leans back, watching me with silent but avid eyes.

My breath catches at his capitulation, I didn't think he would agree so easily to my demands, and now it's all on me.

I lean down and my lips just barely brush his.

I hear the sound of leather rubbing over metal as Ren tightens his fingers but he doesn't move to touch me.

A smile on my mouth before I press my lips firmly against his.

_Finally, _my soul seems to sigh as I taste his mouth again.

I slide into his lap, draping my legs over his, winding my fingers into his hair.

His body is thrumming with tension and I am drunk on the power he gave me over him.

I sip at his mouth, nibbling on the erotic curve of his lips until he parts them and our tongues tangle with each other.

He groans into my mouth, an erotic sound that fills my soul and makes low places in my body burn.

I press closer, my fingers tightening in his hair as the kiss deepens and I can't help the moan that escapes me.

He pulls back and I can the blaze of shadows in his eyes, a dark fire that has me tracing the curve of his face with a single finger.

"Rey," my name a harsh sound on his lips, "you're killing me here."

"Good," I tell him, "because I felt like I was dying that day too."

He leans up, despite my grip in his hair and captures my mouth with his. Surprise at his bold move has me opening my mouth and he takes full advantage, the sweep of his tongue that has me pressing up against him, moaning into his mouth.

He breaks away far too soon and I blink at the loss of him.

"Let me touch you," his words are a sensual promise that I want him to keep...but memories from days before make me hesitate to give in.

"I just want to hold you," slumbering fire in his eyes and there is a note of sweet pleading in his husky voice that weakens me, "I won't do anything else. Not unless you ask me to."

He was giving me total control over him and that alone broke any lingering hesitation I had.

"Yes. I want you to hold me."

His fingers are already in my hair, bringing my mouth back down to his, his other arm catching me behind my knee's keeping me in place.

In his lap, surrounded by him.

His mouth on mine, soft and coaxing, make me sigh into him. My hand is clinging to his shoulder even as I keep my fingers buried in the heavy weight of his hair.

He kisses me with slow exploration, as though he had all the time in the world and there is only the two of us.

His mouth is half-driving me out of my mind and I don't want him to stop. My fingers dig into the padded armor he wears as the heat in my blood turns into a fever.

A sharp spike in my head, making me gasp in pain as I pull back, breaking contact with him.

"Rey...Rey!"

Something warm and wet trickles from my nose and Ren reaches up to touch my face, his black gloves do not hide the red stain now on them.

I'm bleeding from my nose even as the pain in my head spikes.

"I...Ren!"

My voice cracks, alarm racing through me as a single blood-red tear leaks from the corner of his right eye.

This time I'm the one lifting my fingers to his face, wiping away the blood.

The capillaries in that eye are broken.

"What's going on? This didn't happen at the cave."

My nose has stopped bleeding but the pounding in my head is making my vision blur.

"I'm not certain," Ren tells me, cradling my face in his hands, his gaze fierce as my eyes begin to water in renewed pain, "but I have a theory. The closer we are to each other, the easier it is for us to maintain our connection. The farther away we are..."

"The harder it is to stay connected," I finish grimly. Considering my abrupt nose bleed and the blood tears he shed, I was guessing we were pretty far apart.

"Where are you headed?" My head was pounding but if I knew what direction he was headed, it would give me a better idea of how far the Force could connect us.

"I'll be near the planet Felucia within the hour."

My eyes widen as I realize that we are on opposite sides of the galaxy. No wonder I was having nose bleeds and the capillaries had burst in his eye.

The cool touch of leather on my face, his eyes no longer languid as they had been when I had slid into his lap.

"We have to stop. Before you get worse."

Once more I was having to say good-bye before I was ready.

He pulls my fingers from his hair, just like before and it is a bittersweet emotion...until my eyes widen when he brings my hands to his lips, kissing the backs of them.

"We'll find each other again. I promise you."

The absolute conviction in his voice gives me the strength to move away from him.

I slide off of his lap as I pull my hands away, I can feel his reluctance to let me go and I don't want him to, but I know we can't maintain this anymore.

I can already feel the pressure building inside my mind.

I turn from him and a thought in my mind has me catching my breath and stops me in my tracks.

I turn and see alarm and confusion in his eyes.

"Rey? What's wrong?"

"Ren..." my heart was beating so loud in my ears it threatened to drown out the words crowding on my tongue, "if...if I told you where to find me one day...would you come?"

_I want to touch you, to feel you without being torn away like this. _

A hard glitter in his eyes at my question and I can barely breathe as I wait for his reply.

"I would follow you to hell," he tells me his voice fierce and compelling, "just point me on my path."

I cry out as jagged pain rips through my mind...

…and I am once more back in the bunker, sunlight filtering through the windows.

"Rey...you okay over there?"

I turn at the sound of Rose's voice, blinking away the last vestiges of pain from my mind.

"Umm, yeah. How long was I standing here?"

Rose moves closer to me, concern on her face as she looks at me. "Roughly thirty seconds. I was going to ask you what you needed here but then you got this far away look on your face like you were lost in thought and I didn't want to disturb you."

_Thirty seconds, that was all. But it felt longer, much longer than that. _

"You're right, I guess my mind just wandered for a moment." I square my shoulders and force an easy smile to my face that I don't quite feel. "I need some oil for my blaster and staff, you have any I can use?"

"Yeah, this way. You're not the only one whose been asking for supplies."

I follow Rose, listening to her chatter with half a mind. The other half of me was far across the galaxy, with a man who had held me and looked at me as though I only existed for him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **Update! A bit off schedule but I hope not unwanted. I want to thank everyone for their lovely reviews of my work. I especially want to thank **Epique Taii **for your amazing and thoughtful reviews _and _for you insight into my grammar mistakes! I will definitely be triple checking my work. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Yep you know the drill...read, review, repeat!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

It was quiet here in space, alone on my personal ship. A solitude that was peaceful and allowed me to breathe freely in what felt like forever.

Nine days to be exact.

The anger that had stayed with me when I left Rey on that unknown world had not abated.

I thought I had fixed that particular fracture in me when I renounced my name and heritage and took up the mantle Kylo Ren.

Yet hearing that name, the name my mother gave me on her lips shed truth on the lie I had created.

The remnants of Ben Solo still existed inside of me and Rey had an uncanny ability to pull him out when I least expected it.

I set the auto-pilot, knowing I have time before I arrive at my destination and allow my thoughts to drift where they will.

Naturally they turned to Rey.

There was not a day, or even an hour, that went by that I did not think of her.

_Wide, expressive eyes ringed in amber gazing after me. Arousal still rampant but quickly being chased away by confusion as she shakes her head, denying me._

It was the last memory I had of her and the anger that followed in its wake had sent my troops scattering before me. I focused on our objective to expand our hold within the Mid-Rim with ruthless efficiency that had my generals praising my name and even that rabid wolf Hux could find no fault in my leadership.

Nine days passed and seven more world swore fealty to the First Order and my grip closed tighter around the Resistance.

It brought me no pleasure and no reprieve from my chaotic emotions.

Now I find myself once more chasing a rumor that is starting to feel like a hidden truth and I travel to the edge of the galaxy.

To Felucia, where it is whispered there are ancient ruins that speak of a long buried secret.

Well it was time to bring those secrets out in the open. I will not have ghosts trailing behind me wherever I go.

My mind wanders back to Rey...

...and I feel the shift in the air along with an awareness I am no longer alone.

My ship is still cleaving through space, the stars my only companion so the change I sense can only be one thing.

I hear her footsteps before I see her.

"Rey. I thought I felt you here with me."

She comes into view and I know that something is wrong. There is too much tension in her slender body and her fists are clenched so hard I can see her knuckles turning white as the bones push against her skin.

She doesn't look at me, though I know she heard me quite clearly, and moves to stand before the controls presenting her back to me.

"I am _not _talking to you."

Fury coats every word and I am more than surprised at the venom she casts my way.

Her anger astonishes me because I cannot comprehend where it is coming from.

"Then why are you here?"

The anger that would not lessen no matter how hard I pushed myself, scatters in her presence. She is the balm to my war-savaged soul.

It is clear to me that all I need is her, by my side.

Yet as I wait for her to answer me, it would seem she does not feel the same.

Something had changed, again, between us and I don't like it.

I am going to find out what changed...and then change it back to the woman who was bold enough to steal a kiss from me.

I can practically see her vibrating with emotions as she whips around to face me.

Amber fire flashes in her eyes and color rides high on her cheekbones. Every curve of her body screams defiance at me.

"I didn't _ask _to be here!" she yells at me, "I'd sooner go back than spend another minute with you."

_Where is this coming from? _

I haven't heard Rey like this...except when we first connected and she still thought me the monster that lurked in the dark.

Even in my confusion I cannot help but admire her passion. She is magnificent in her anger, although I doubt she would appreciate me saying so.

_She is looking for a fight...so I will indulge her and see where it leads me. _

"You sound angry," I tell her, my obvious calm agitating her and I am not surprised in the least when she interrupts me.

"Really," sarcasm in every breathe she takes, "how could you tell?"

"at me," I continue as if she hadn't interrupted, knowing it would keep her focus on me, "but you haven't told me why."

Mild words that do nothing to hide the demand I am making of her.

I wanted to see if her anger was simply surface temper...or she truly had changed her feelings about me.

_"_Hmm, I don't know Ren," deceptively calm words that have me mentally bracing for what is about to come next, "maybe it was the way you just _left me _back at the cave. You know _nine _days ago."

So, she was still holding onto her anger, as I had.

I knew what had fueled my rage but her answer told me nothing of what was feeding hers.

"I see."

My words had a very physical response on Rey.

Taunt anger had her practically shaking.

"You see? Is that all you have to say to me! After everything you put me through!"

Her calm crumbled beneath her outrage as she vents her anger and frustration on me.

As if she had been the only one affected by the abrupt departure that day.

My fingers dig into the metal beneath me as I recall, quite clearly, how I felt in the aftermath.

_Standing beneath the heavy spray of water, turning up the pressure until it beats down on me. A cold, relentless tide that did nothing to quell the raging desire still burning inside._

_ The press of her mouth a brand upon me, the intoxicating scent of her skin that lingers on me despite the cascade of water, her breathless moans a torment in my mind..._

"Because I left?" I was becoming annoyed as she danced around the real reason causing her anger, "I find that difficult to believe."

_You were never this angry with me when I left. It just happened to be not what you were expecting._

"It wasn't because you left!"

Annoyance that was starting to slide back into anger halts at the desperation I hear besides her obvious frustration.

She is looking at me, not with the wrath she had been throwing my way since she arrived, but with uncomprehending pain.

Her pain cuts through me quicker than a knife and I am already on my feet, to take her in my arms so she would stop hurting.

"Rey," I wanted to tell her that I never intended to cause her this much turmoil...when she holds up her hand to me, panic in her eyes.

"Don't...just say away."

Not just panic, but fear making her pupils wide, the amber all but drowned out.

_She is afraid of me...touching her. _

Shock that she would think I would hurt her in that way...it takes the fight completely out of me.

It is well that my chair was directly behind me to catch my fall.

She turns her back to me, her arms wrapped around herself as if she is cold...and I see the tremble in her body.

It was not fury that was making her shake and I feel something that I haven't felt since I was teenage boy at Luke's side.

Terror.

Not for myself...but that I was losing her, losing my Rey.

"Rey," I don't want to push her away but there was more to this than what she had told me earlier, "tell me the truth. The real reason you're this angry with me."

I had to know if she truly feared my touch.

"Because," her voice a whisper that I could barely hear and I wanted to go to her, to wrap her in my arms so she would know she was safe.

But she looked at me with fright and I did not want to see that look in her eyes, not ever.

So despite my need to go to her I obeyed her wishes and stayed where I was at and prayed that she would continue talking to me.

To know that my actions hadn't driven her so far away she was no longer in my reach.

She turned to look at me and there was no more fear but the wariness and utter heartbreak in her gaze was almost as bad.

"You left me...and you didn't come back to finish what you started."

Color bloomed on her face and her eyes skated from mine, her arms still wrapped around herself, her body taunt with tension.

It was good that I was sitting down because her confession knocked the breath from my lungs.

_She's angry not that I left...but because I didn't come back...does she have _any _idea what she was asking me to finish back in that cave? _

Before I could get my head wrapped around her words, she continued speaking her words soft...and trembling.

"I...I waited for you, to come back. But you didn't."

No more dancing, no more evasion. This was the real truth behind her actions. Fury that I didn't come back for her but also confusion with herself, if I was reading her correctly, because she _did _wait for me.

There was a reason I didn't return and I had to clear this up, now.

"Yes I did leave," I tell her, remembering the exquisite feel of her in my arms...and the anger that raged through me when she sighed _that _name, "but only because you made it clear you no longer wanted me there with you."

Her eyes snap back to mine and I am more than relieved to see burning amber glaring at me.

"Ren...what part of _any _of that made you even think I wanted you to leave?"

Utter disbelief and not a trace of fear as she argues with me.

I have her attention and I was going to answer her question so that there would be _no _confusion as to why I left.

"Perhaps it was the name you called out when I held you in my arms."

I was _not _Ben Solo. I was Kylo Ren and if Rey ever doubted that again, perhaps now this would make her see clearly the difference.

I watched her, my body thrumming with tension...to see if she understood my meaning...and I see the anger leave her eyes.

Too many emotions chased themselves over her face for me to fully comprehend.

She was no longer hugging herself, as though trying to protect herself from being hurt and now had her arms crossed.

It was a pose I was becoming familiar with. It was the pose she gave me when I did something she didn't like and was telling me she was annoyed.

"So I called you a name you didn't like and you think that made it alright for you to just...leave?"

The fear in her that had clenched my muscles tight, loosen at her tone and I know how to deal with this side of Rey.

She is no longer afraid of me...in fact she has the audacity to tap her foot at me.

She is still annoyed with my previous actions but I can fix that.

I sit back, watching her...and lay my trap.

"Tell me," I put enough heat in my voice to make her eyes dilate in awareness but keep my tone casual, "would you have appreciated it if I called you by name other than what you call yourself?"

_Not that I would ever be with anyone but you. _

But that wasn't the point I was trying to make and she responded as I hoped she would.

"Of course not I'd..."

Her response was immediate and sounded outraged at my question before she caught herself and stares hard at me for several seconds before blowing out a breath.

"Fine," she snaps at me throwing up her arms in a gesture of surrender, "you win this one. No I would not have like it."

_Which is why I left. _

I didn't need to say the words but the glow in her eyes told me she heard them all the same.

I give her a nod of my head, accepting her apology for that little slip of the tongue.

At least now she knows the truth and I don't have to see the look of fear in her eyes again.

"I'm still mad at you."

Her hands are on her hips and she is _still _glaring at me...but her voice gives lie to her words.

Despite her glower there is a spark in her eyes that wasn't there previously and I decide to play along.

"Why?"

She moves closer to me, no longer standing across the room and it makes me sit up straighter in my chair.

There is a new thrum of tension in my body and it has nothing to do with anger.

When had she learned to _that _with her hips. A swaying walk that has erotic thoughts come to mind.

The direction of my thoughts leaves me a trifle breathless and more than a bit distracted so I almost miss her words and I am left unprepared for her next move.

"Because," she tells me with mischief in her eyes as her legs trap mine, her body leaning in as she braces herself above me, "I wasn't finished with what you started."

My hands are already sliding around the curve of her waist, an almost primal response to touch her when she is this close to me.

But it is the languorous heat in her gaze that has me dazzled and scrambling to respond to the mock-annoyance of her words.

"You kissed me first as I recall," I remind her, the playfulness in her eyes resonating in me, "so you started all of this, not me."

"So let me finish what I started."

Laughter in her eyes, the caressing murmur of her words a sexual punch to my senses that have me tightening my hands around her.

I want to tumble her into my lap and take her up on her offer.

Before I can put action to my thoughts she once more disarms me, leaving me off-balance.

Her lips curve into a smile that transforms her beauty and I find myself intoxicated and reeling from the impact.

Which is why it takes me more than a few seconds to realize she is pulling away from me.

"No touching."

Her fingers close around mine, pulling them away from her.

She can't possible be serious about me _not _touching her. Not when she is looking at me like that.

"Rey."

I want to tell her what she is asking is impossible...and then she presses the pad of her finger to my lips.

I can feel the heat off her skin, the callous on her fingertip from her years of training with her staff.

That one gesture cuts off my ability to speak altogether.

"Do you want me to forgive you or not?"

Playful words...except I can feel the tension in her body and the image of her frightened eyes as she holds up her hand to ward me off flashes in my mind.

If not touching her is what it takes to make her feel safe with me, then I will give her the impossible she is asking for.

She lifts her finger from my mouth, giving me back my ability to speak.

"What do you want from me?"

Satisfaction steals through me as I see her eyes soften a fraction and I know I made the right choice.

"Just sit there, no touching."

I force my body to lean back, my hands resting on the metal arms.

I am at her mercy, her every word my command.

I hear the catch in her breath, the spark that turns her gaze molten.

Anticipation thrums inside of me as I watch her, not daring to blink least I miss a single nuance of what she will do next.

She is still trapping me with her legs and she bends down until she is close enough I could count each curve of her lashes.

The scent of her, sunlight and flowers, washes over me.

Her lips brush over mine, lighter than air before leaving me bereft.

Lust rips through me, a wild heat that spirals from that single touch that has me gripping the metal in an effort to keep my promise of _not touching. _

I have to close my eyes because if I look at her, I am going to lose what little control I have left.

I feel the curve of her lips as once more she places them over mine, the taste no longer fleeting and all of my senses focus on her mouth.

Until her weight settles in my lap, the warmth of her legs as they cover mine, her fingers tangling in my hair.

Her body is an erotic kiss against mine and I can feel the metal beneath my hands warping as she pushes my control to the edge.

Or so I thought until her mouth leaves small, trailing kisses over mine. The touch of her teeth nibbling at my lower lip turns my blood molten and I find myself utterly seduced.

My lips part under her gentle assault and I groan, half-delirious from the pleasure drowning me as her tongue tangles with mine.

Her fingers tighten in my hair as she takes control, her body pressed hard enough that I can feel her curves through the armor I wear.

She is drowning me in her desire and I feel as though I'm being pushed further to the edge.

She moans into me, that soft, needy sound that finally pushes me over the edge of my control.

I pull back, breaking contact before I can forget the promise I made myself to give her the safety she needs to be with me like this.

I look up at her...and I die.

Soft eyes that glow amber burn me alive as her lips once more curve in that smile I so rarely glimpse.

Impossibly she softens more against me as the tip of her finger slides over my skin.

She is torturing me into madness with her small caresses.

"Rey," I want to be gentle but her denial at letting me touch her has turned my words brutal, "you're killing me here."

I thought the growl in my voice would scare her, but her eyes glow darker and the curve of her lips bloom into a wicked smile.

"Good," she tells me and I can hear the smugness in her voice that makes my body grow harder, "because I felt like I was dying that day too."

Her words are a taunt that snaps my control. I lean up and take her mouth, my fingers gouging grooves into the metal as I just barely remember my promise to not touch her.

Shock has her opening her mouth and I don't give her time to think, I sweep my tongue across hers and her fingers dig into my scalp, our bodies so close together that nothing can come between us.

She makes that low, needy sound into my mouth and I know, at this moment, I have control again.

I pull back again, watch with dark pleasure as her eyes remain glazed from our kiss.

"Let me touch you," I truly believe I will go mad and die if she doesn't relent and I can see it her eyes, that same need to feel my touch.

There is tension in her body and not all of it is lust. I yank hard at my control, I will not force her but nor will I hide my desire from her.

"I just want to hold you," I know I am pleading but I don't care I want her to say yes, "I won't do anything else."

I see it, I can feel the tension in her body relenting and then I go for the kill.

"Not unless you ask me to."

"Yes," a soft whisper of surrender, "I want you to hold me."

I already have my hand buried in her hair, bring her mouth back to me.

I sweep my other hand beneath the gentle curve of her knee's bent over mine.

I cradle her body close, to show her that she will always be safe in my arms.

Despite the howl of need that she spiked into madness, I refuse to rush.

Her breath sighs into me as I take my time with her mouth. Her soft, sweet lips that told me I had left her dying back at the cave.

I had barely begun to show her how I planned to bring her back to life.

I feel her fingers digging into my shoulder as I explore each contour of her mouth.

Time has no meaning for me.

There is only her and I want to coax every sound, every whimper from her lips until it is all the music I will ever hear.

I drown in her and I want her drowning in me until I am the only person she exists for.

She pulls back without warning a strangled cry from her mouth that is not one of pleasure.

I snap my eyes open, confused as to why she screamed like that.

"Rey," I begin and then I see the trickle of blood fall from her nose. "Rey!"

I reach for her face, wiping the crimson stain from her fair skin.

At the same time a vice takes grip of my own mind and I grit my teeth as I feel shards of glass dig into my right eye, momentarily blinding me.

"I," her voice laced with pain as she tries to speak,"Ren!"

Spiked panic as she cries out my name and the blindness recedes even as I feel something warm and wet slide down my face.

Her fingers, trembling, touch me and I see my blood turning her skin pink.

"What's going on? This didn't happen at the cave."

Confusion and fear is what I hear in her and I see pain etched into her eyes.

I catch her face in my gloved hands, willing her to focus on me.

"I'm not certain," I tell her but the signs are there and I have an good idea, "but I have a theory. The closer we are to each other, the easier it is for us to maintain our connection. The farther away we are..."

Despite the tremendous pain she must be in, she catches on immediately.

"The harder it is to stay connected," she finishes, her voice hard. The nosebleed has stopped and she seems to be thinking quickly about something.

"Where are you headed?"

A question she has never asked me before but I know why she is asking. She is trying to figure out how far apart we are.

Since I would like to know that myself, I tell her the truth.

"I'll be near the planet Felucia within the hour."

My ship has left lightspeed and the helm was programmed to drop out when I got close enough to the planet, the hour a rough guess but not too far off the mark.

Dismay lightens her eye to pale topaz and since I am heading to the edge of the upper Outer Rim, my guess is that she much farther away than what she thought.

Her lips tighten into a flat line and I see the flare of pain in her eyes. The closer I get to the planet, the worse this is going to be.

For both of us.

I want her here with me, but not at this cost.

Her fingers are still in my hair, her possessiveness more than welcome but I have to let her go.

She lets me untangle her fingers from my hair and there is a bitter knowledge in her gaze.

I did this exact same thing nine days ago.

It is not how I want her to remember this parting.

I don't release her hands but bring them closer to me so I can kiss the backs of them.

I taste sunlight and the soap she uses on her skin.

"We will find each other again. I promise you."

_I will never let you go, I will always find my way back to you. _

Her eyes are no longer bitter, a yielding warmth that soothes the hard edges of my soul even as she slides her body away from mine.

My fingers clench around hers, my desire to keep her with me at war with my need to protect her, and I force myself to let go.

She turns away from me and now I am the one bitter from this parting.

Somehow she always manages to slip away from me.

I expect to see her disappear from my sight but she stops abruptly, and the remembered sight of blood from her nose has fear wrapping cold hands around my heart.

"Rey? What's wrong?"

She turns back to look at me and I see no blood on her, but the fear will not release it's grip on me.

There is a stark look in her eyes. The fear I know all too well, but there is a new emotion that has me holding my breath.

Fragile hope.

"Ren," my name, trembling on her lips her fingers clasped close to her chest, "if...if I told you where to find me one day...would you come?"

I swear I am dreaming, even though I feel wide awake.

My beautiful, cautious Rey asking me to come to her.

No First Order, no Resistance.

Just the two of us, together.

There is only one answer I will ever give her no matter how many times she asks this question.

"I would follow you to hell," I tell her and it is a truth born of my soul, ""just point me on my path."

A ragged cry is torn from her lips and I am already out of my seat...

...but she gone.

I do not know if that cry was a response to my answer, or the pain that forced her from my side.

I can see the planet coming into view, a mere speck in the distance but closing in. I move to the controls, taking over but my mind is elsewhere.

With the woman who is far across the galaxy, who holds all the broken pieces of my soul in her hands.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: **Second update! I know, earlier than expected but these two will not let me rest, their story clamoring in my mind. Many, _many _thanks to everyone who has stopped by to read my story. Your support means everything to me.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Lol, I know by now most of you know the drill so...*insert evil grin*

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

"I hate this!"

I want to throw this broken lightsaber across the clearing.

But I can't. Not only did Luke give this to me in trust, but my muscles are so sore I doubt I could throw it more than a foot from me.

Which would make me scramble through the dirt just to retrieve it.

I was too tired for that much exercise.

The First Order's sudden expansion in the Mid-Rim had all of us scrambling like hell to not get caught in their snares.

Finn, Poe and myself just barely escaped the colony on the moon that circled Nal Hutta.

Poe's quick thinking and my shot with the blaster had given us those extra needed seconds to get back to the Falcon and get the hell out of there.

But it had been close, too close. Debris from a lucky shot by a Stormtrooper had ricocheted and caught the edge of my shoulder before I could turn it away.

The med-droid assured me that nothing was broken but I had deep tissue bruising that had me aching every time moved my left shoulder.

I wasn't badly hurt but Leia had taken one look at the purple and black bruise that crossed my shoulder blade to the edge of my arm and put me off duty until I was fully healed.

So here I was on a planet that only had the name of M-118S on the star charts as we hid deep into the unknown regions of space. This particular planet had an electrical current that ran through its atmosphere that made it nearly impossible to detect life signs.

Finn and Poe were equally scattered as Leia pointed out that having three of her best fighters in one spot would cripple the Resistance if anything happened to us.

So here I was, sitting in the dirt, once again trying to fix this lightsaber.

Since I didn't want people hovering over me as I failed to fix it, I had taken myself some distance away from the main camp. I had a communicator on me just in case something came up, but everything was quiet.

Except me as I swore repeatedly at Luke's saber.

Once more I tore apart the casing as it refused to ignite, wondering where I had gone wrong.

Too bad I didn't have a manual or something that showed me what exactly made a lightsaber work.

"Damn if only I could talk to someone who..."

_Knew how to construct a lightsaber. _

The two half's of the broken saber lay loose in my hands as I think about what I just said.

I knew Leia had trained with Luke and it was possible she knew how her brother had constructed a lightsaber.

But she wasn't even on this world, she was on Rataka Prime meeting with...well she hadn't told us who she was meeting with only that she had to be the one to go.

She was out of communication range for at least another couple of days.

Which left one other person who would know how to help me fix this.

"Except," I mutter as I once more turn over the guts in the casing, "he's the one who helped break it in the first place."

I doubt he'd want to help me fix it.

"Do you always talk to yourself when you're alone in the woods?"

I let out a little yelp at the sound of his voice, the twin parts of the saber falling from my fingers.

"Ren!" I twist and my shoulder decides to remind me that it's still hurt and does _not _appreciate me moving that quickly.

"Ow." I rub at the tender bruise.

"What's wrong?"

_Your Stormtrooper shot at me only a few days ago and I have the bruising to show for it._

Not that I was going to say that to him.

"Nothing. Just a bruise."

I was deciding if I wanted to get up or just ask him to come around so I could look at him when I felt a delicious heat at my back. It was late afternoon and the temperature on this planet was starting to cool.

"What..."

"This is more than a bruise."

Gentle fingers, not gloves, touched my shoulder. I had my arms wrapped from wrist to elbow in insulated cloth bandages but I was still wearing the loose, flowing top and pants I wore when not dressed for combat.

I hadn't bothered to hide the marks on my shoulder as I thought I was going to be alone.

I go to shrug...and wince in pain.

"I've had worse."

"I'm still waiting to hear how you acquired this one."

Since I had zero desire to remind him that it was his forces who hurt me, I did not want him pulling a disappearing act on me, I reach over and tug at his hand.

"I told you, I've had worse. Now sit down and help me with this."

I feel his resistance and wonder if maybe I'm pushing my luck with him but then I hear him sigh...

...and feel his weight against my back, settling behind me.

His legs, clad in black, stretch out next to mine as his arm comes around me.

He has his armor on but his hands are free of their usual casing.

I can't help but lean back against him, the heat of his body a lure that I don't even try to resist.

"What am I suppose to be helping with this time?"

A soft murmur in my ear, I can feel his lips brush my skin and I don't remember closing my eyes but I must have because I'm opening them to look up at him.

One of his arms is around my waist, the other softly stroking my wrist and I don't think he is even aware that he's doing it.

He was looking at the pieces of the lightsaber scattered in front of me, a slight frown on his face.

_He is so beautiful. _

My heart constricts painfully in my chest at the unguarded look on his face. I think I might be the only one in this entire galaxy who will ever see him like this.

_ He's mine, I will never give him up. _

He looks down at me at that exact moment, his mouth open as if he was about to ask me a question. I don't know what he see's in my eyes, but he is already leaning down and I know what he wants to do.

I know, because I am already lifting my lips to meet his.

His mouth is soft at he covers mine, a gentleness from him that always takes me by surprise.

I sigh into his mouth, the feel of him easing a tension in me that I wasn't even aware I had been holding in.

His fingers interlace with mine, his arm around my waist tightening just enough that I am pleasurably trapped in his arms.

We part after only a few moments but I can't help the smile that comes to my lips and his mouth is no longer frowning.

"You didn't answer my question."

A soft reprimand that holds no anger but faint amusement.

"What question?"

Almost I can feel him silently laughing at me and I tap my fingers against his arm around my waist.

He is shaking his head at me, even as he resumes stroking my wrist.

"You asked me for help. What am I suppose to be helping with?"

Oh. The lightsaber. I had been thinking that Ren would be the only other person I could ask about this since he obviously constructed his own.

But then he showed up and settled me in his arms, as if I belonged there, and I forgot my reason for wanting him here with me in the first place.

"Can you tell when I'm thinking about you?"

_When I miss you and wish you were here with me so I don't feel so lonely?_

He always seems to show up when I am thinking about him the most.

"Not all the time," a serious answer that has that thoughtful look on his face, "it is more like a whisper in the back of my mind. Sometimes I can catch a fleeting trace of your emotions. Other times, like now, it is a shout in my mind that I cannot ignore."

I didn't realize I could call him like that just by thinking about him.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud."

"No need for apology. I told you I would come if you called for me."

A hot blush stole over me as I remember _that _particular conversation.

But it does not dim the pleasure and yes, _happiness, _that his response causes.

_Focus Rey, you wanted him here to help you with Luke's lightsaber, _not _to cuddle in his arms._

But I wanted to stay in his arms. I have always relied on myself, my own strength.

But with him I felt that I didn't have to be so strong all the time. That I could lean into him and know that he would catch me if I fell.

It was such a strange feeling but no less real.

"So," I clear my throat and pick up the two half's of the broken saber, "I seem to be...well, stuck. I _can't _get the thing to work no matter what I do and I can fix _anything_. What am I doing wrong?"

"For one thing, the cooling vanes at the base are cracked. Even if you managed to light the crystal, it would immediately overheat and blow the reserve power cell."

His fingers leave my wrist and I feel the loss keenly and swallow my words to ask him to keep touching me.

He points to the base of the casing and I can see what he is looking at. I didn't even know what that was called...or what it did.

"Okay...well I know I can fix that. Is that it?"

It couldn't be that easy, otherwise I was going to feel like an idiot.

"No, there are two other components that need to be repaired. It is well that the kyber crystal survived otherwise you would need to collect a new one."

He pulled the glowing stone that was sitting on the circular base at the top of the casing.

He held it up for me to see. I cradled his hand in mine, mostly so I could have an excuse to touch him, but also so I could pull the crystal closer. The truth was I hadn't paid much attention to the stone. It was mostly clear in color but I could see a faint, blue pulse at its center.

I had a curious feeling that this crystal was...alive.

"What is a kyber crystal? I've never heard of it."

"The kyber is the only known substance in the galaxy that can give life to a lightsaber. Only those who have studied with a Jedi learn of its existence. To truly be called a Jedi, the construction of a saber is their final test."

"Why?"

Luke never told me anything about this, although considering how we parted and the fact that he hadn't wanted to teach me in the first place didn't help matters. I also admit that I felt a certain reluctance in asking Luke questions pertaining to the Jedi, considering his less than flattering views on the subject.

I felt no hesitation with Ren. He was answering all of my questions with a patience that I think would have surprised anyone, except me. I have come to see this side of him that he rarely shows.

I settle more comfortably in his arms and listen to him speak. His soft, slightly husky voice is a soothing cadence and I learn more about the Jedi ways with this one conversation than I have in the past three months.

"The kyber crystal is, to an extent alive. Only those who are in tune with the Force can sense them. They will call out to a Jedi and thus bond with that particular Jedi. Do you see the color at the center?"

I nod my head, still holding onto his hands as I turn the crystal to look at it.

"The crystal is always clear, it has no color until it has been chosen by a Jedi. A Jedi's awareness of the Force, his connection, it what determines the color."

"So they're always blue?"

Except for Ren's saber, I've only ever seen this one.

"No. Though blue is more prevalent, there are also green sabers. When I trained with Skywalker," his grip around my waist tightened and I knew he was thinking of the last time he saw his uncle, "he spoke of a time before the Jedi council had been destroyed by the mad emperor that there were two other colors that, while rare, were known to appear."

That piqued my curiosity but his grip around me told me that memories were riding him hard and though I wanted to know everything about the Jedi, about who I was, I did not want to cause him any more pain.

"But you said I don't need a new crystal. Just new components. Which ones?"

A slight huff of his breath, it stirred the small hairs around my temple, before he gently removes his hand from mine.

I want to protest but he is already laying the crystal aside and picking up the main housing unit of the broken lightsaber.

"Here, do you see this gap above the conductive plate? There should be another piece. It's called the crystal cradle. It's where the kyber sits in order to activate. Also here," he points lower down to the handle where I can see the power field conductors, "your power core has small fractures that will not align."

"So if I replace these two, I can get it to work?"

I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice. Hunting down those parts was not going to be easy, but I could do it.

"Yes. If you can fix it."

"I can fix anything." I wasn't being cocky or arrogant, I always had a knack for fixing broken things. Now that I knew what needed to be fixed, it was only a matter of time before I had Luke's saber working again.

"Perhaps," a whisper of words that even with me nestled in his arms I almost didn't hear, "there are some things that are too broken to ever be made whole again."

My fingers clench around the handle and I know he isn't talking about the weapon.

I am _not _going to let him do this to himself.

I put the broken weapon back down in front of me and despite the pain in my shoulder, I turn to look up at him.

There is suck darkness in his eyes, years of bitter loneliness that I can't erase.

But he's not alone, not anymore. I'm here and I won't let him drown in the past.

I lay my arm across his, the one he keeps wrapped around my waist and lift my hand to his face.

A flicker in his eyes as he shifts his focus onto me.

It makes me catch my breath, always, to be the center of his attention. I have never seen anyone look at me the way he does.

It scares me because I have come to crave the way he looks at me and I think a part of me would die if he ever stopped.

"Ren."

His hand comes up to cradle mine, our fingers twining and I pull away from his face, keeping our hands together as I wrap myself in his arms.

"Rey."

"Kiss me Ren, please."

_Let me chase the darkness from you, if only for a moment. _

I have never known Ren to hesitate, he is always so sure of himself, but I feel the slight tremor in his body as he presses his mouth to mine.

I can taste the melancholy that clings to him, the scent of frost and rain that is only him.

His lips are cool but quickly warm under mine as I kiss him back, sighing in pleasure at the feel of him, the taste of him.

The tremor that I felt in him earlier is gone and his arms become a gentle prison as he holds me tight to him.

He lifts his mouth from mine and I look up at him, smiling to see the darkness receding from his eyes.

"You make me wish..."

"Wish what?" I ask when he doesn't continue but he shakes his head at me...and then presses his lips to my forehead.

Peace, unlike anything I have ever known, settles into my bones as I curl up in his arms.

I can hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as I lay my head on his chest, content just to be with him.

"How long can you stay?" I ask him softly, afraid of shattering this moment between us.

"How long do you want me to stay?"

_Forever. _

The word is on my lips, begging to be released, but I can't say it.

Because I know this can't last and I don't want to face the hard truth.

So I bury myself in his arms, willing the universe to leave us alone, stealing this time with him.

"Rey."

"No," I tell him, hearing the sigh in his voice, "not yet."

This time I'm the one tightening my hold on him.

"Do you want to hear a story?"

I tremble with relief and nod my head, unable to speak. I thought for sure he was going to tell me he had to leave.

"It pertains to the discussion we had earlier, when you asked about the different colors that a lightsaber can take. I never told you the other two. The first color is purple. The second is gold."

"Why are they different from the blue and green ones?"

I hadn't meant to ask a question but I couldn't help myself.

"Each color is a reflection of a Jedi's connection with the Force. The story that I was told is this; a purple saber is the color that only a Jedi who has tasted the dark side of the force and walked away can wield. It is the manifestation of the darkness that still resides in them."

"And the gold?" I prompt him when the silence lengthens and I can sense that he is debating on how much to reveal to me.

"A very rare color that only a handful of individuals have ever claimed."

"Why?"

"To have a gold lightsaber is to be neither Jedi...nor Sith. The stories go that these individuals were known as Grey Jedi, they had perfect balance of both darkness and light in them."

"What about...red?" It was the color of his blade and I am pretty sure I know the answer, but I want to hear it from him.

"I think you already know the answer."

A gentle warning in his husky voice but I chose to ignore it.

I lift my head away from his chest and look up at him.

His eyes meet mine and I know that he will not lie to me.

"Tell me."

"Only the Sith use a red saber. Their commitment to the darkness absolute."

I sigh and lay my head back down on his chest. I knew he was going to say that but I still didn't accept that he was a Sith.

There was too much light in him.

I don't know how long I lay in his arms but it was long enough that the sun dipped below the horizon and twilight fell on us.

It was the longest I could remember being connected with him.

It made me wonder then, just how close he was to me.

I felt him stir around me and I knew, with a heavy heart, that our time was up.

"You have to go."

It wasn't a question but he answered me anyway.

"Yes."

I lift my head and allowed myself one last indulgence before cruel reality would part us again.

I didn't even need to ask him this time.

His lips were already meeting mine and this time there was no sadness, no bitterness.

I kissed him, branding him, giving him a piece of my light to hold onto.

He returned my ardent embrace with equal fever and despite the cooling night air on my skin I didn't feel the least bit cold.

We pulled away and I knew it was time to let him go.

He pulled me to my feet and we stand there, the two of us on this nameless planet, our fingers intertwined.

"When you dream," he tells me with those dark eyes and smoky voice, "dream of me."

_I already do._

But he is already gone, my hands only holding empty air.

"I do," I whisper anyway, "so you had better be dreaming of me as well."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: **Update! I know, feels like forever since I updated. My apologies, I was ill so it took me way longer to finish than anticipated. I hope it was worth the wait! Also many, many thanks for all your lovely reviews! They inspire me and lift my spirits as nothing else does.

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Yeah, yeah you know the drill by now! LOL

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

"What do you mean they got away?"

The report given to me by Captain Tir, the Stormtrooper I had left in command over the moon colony near Nul Hatta, stood at attention before me in the holofeed. While this trooper was no Phasma, he was capable.

Until now it seemed.

"The Millennium Falcon was spotted by one of our scouts just outside the shipyard in Velchun. We were closing in but a Resistance sympathizer must have alerted them to us. We gave chase but they escaped. TC-1973 managed to wound one of them."

"Which one?"

"The woman, Sir. The one that others insist is a...Jedi."

Despite the helm covering his face, I could sense his fear. I had given very specific instructions regarding Rey.

She was not to be hurt, only captured. Even with our growing bond and her words from days before, I did not think she would actually tell me where to find her.

At least not at present.

That did not mean I was not keeping up my hunt for her. Her Resistance allies were merely a means to an end.

"I believe my instruction were quite clear regarding the capture of the female Jedi."

"Yes Sir. TC-1973 was reprimanded severely for his actions. It will not happen again."

I had not felt her pain through our bond so her injury could not be sever which is the only reason I do not give the order of execution.

"Continue your search for the Falcon and the Resistance. I trust, Captain Tir, my faith in you is not misplaced."

"Sir!" A sharp salute from the man and I dismiss the holofeed.

Nal Hutta, one of the planets in the Mid-Rim that had sworn fealty to the First Order, along with the twin moons that circled the planet.

Now that the Resistance had come across my troops they would do what they did best.

Scatter and hide before regrouping. It was a familiar tactic and one, unfortunately, that worked well.

Though the First Order continued to expand across the known galaxy there were still far too many places out of my reach that the Resistance could hide.

For now.

I should go to the moon colony to discern what would bring the Falcon, and Rey, so close to the First Order's reach.

A sharp edge of frustration that has me pausing, it is not my own, the scent of sunlight and flowers fills the air.

Rey. Reaching out to me through the Force.

I turn, expecting to see her standing behind me, her presence that clear to me.

Only emptiness greets my eyes. I make a decision, then and there.

The moon colony can wait.

I close my eyes and allow the Force to fill me, guide me to her side.

The cool, sterile air of my flag ship no longer surrounds me. I open my eyes to find myself in a forest.

Again.

Rey and her obsession with all things green. Perhaps a lifetime spent on a desert planet has made her more inclined to be surrounded by the abundance of life.

I don't have to travel far to find her. I can hear her voice that carries on the wind as I approach. She is sitting on the ground in what appears to be a small clearing.

"...helped break it in the first place."

She is absorbed in whatever she is bent over and I doubt she has any idea that I'm here. I was going to have to teach her to be mindful of her surroundings otherwise she leaves herself open for an attack.

But I am rather curious as to why she called me to this spot.

"Do you always talk to yourself when you're alone in the woods?"

Her back jackknifes into an upright position as she makes an adorable noise that sounds like a strangled cry as my words carry across the clearing.

"Ren!"

The shock I expected, she leaves herself so open when she is alone, but not the joy.

It takes me by surprise to realize she is actually happy to see me.

"Ow."

My attentions snaps into focus at that small sound.

"What's wrong?"

Her aggrieved sound of pain has me closing the distance between us and though she has her back to me she is rubbing her shoulder.

A hellish bruise that is so dark a purple the center is nearly black. The stain across her skin spreads past the edge of her shirt, touching the back of her arm.

Her fingers still at my question before pulling away from the spot.

As if that would draw my attention away from her injury.

"Nothing," she tells me resolutely, "just a bruise."

The report is still fresh in my mind, but because I had not felt her pain I though the 'wound' was merely superficial.

The livid colors on her fair skin and when she had tried to turn to look at me had caused her pain made a lie to her words that her injury was 'nothing'.

It seems I was going to have to pay a personal visit to TC-1973 and reeducate him myself on the definition of 'no harm'.

But all of that can wait. Rey is hurt and that is all I need to know.

I am close enough now that I've already removed my gloves, gently touching her abused skin. Silent relief flows through me as I use the Force to check her injury.

No fractures, but deep tissue damage that will be painful for days to come.

"This," I tell her, throttling my anger in an effort to remain calm, "is more than a bruise."

A lift of her shoulder...and I can feel the stab of pain that small gesture causes her.

"I've had worse."

The small, white scars I see on the back of her arms gives testimony to her words.

A child, on a backwards planet, trying desperately to survive.

But her tone is dismissive as if this injury means nothing to her.

It means something to me and I will not let her off so easily.

"I'm still waiting to hear how you acquired this one."

I wonder if she will tell me that she was escaping the First Order, that _my _soldiers were the ones to hurt her.

If she asks for his death, I will gladly grant her request.

"I told you," she replies a hint of exasperation in her voice, "I've had worse."

I'm still trying to figure a way to get to tell me what happened to her when she reaches over and tugs on my hand.

"Now sit down and help me with this."

Demand, pure and simple, in her voice. She is done talking about her injury and is moving on.

Expecting me to comply.

I take orders from no one, I _give _the orders...except this is Rey and she is asking for my help.

Since she so rarely asks for help, especially mine, she leaves me with only one option.

Gently, so I do not jar her shoulder, I wrap myself around her.

Her personality is so strong, so _vibrant, _that it still takes me by surprise that her physical body is so delicate.

Lithe and small as I wrap my arm around her waist, tucking her against me so I can see what it is that has her attention.

Being taller than her has its advantages and I can easily see over her shoulder.

"What am I suppose to be helping with this time?"

The shatter remains of Luke's saber lie before me.

_Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, not Luke's. _

My grandfather's blade, crafted by him during the Clone Wars, in pieces like a broken puzzle.

Broken as Rey and I had fought over it during the aftermath of battle on the destroyed flag ship.

_So she hasn't fixed it yet. _

She shivers slightly in my arms, her skin cool. I tuck her more closely to my body, my armor preserving my own body heat, and feel her skin warm to my touch.

But my focus is still on the broken saber.

Although considering how badly it was damaged what lay before me was almost miraculous.

She had the housing put back together and the kyber crystal was still intact.

But I could see the internal workings and noted that at least two key elements were broken beyond repair and one main vital component was gone entirely.

I wonder if she knows that she is missing a piece and I turn my attention back to the woman in my arms to ask her.

The question dies on my lips at the look in her eyes.

Glowing amber that yields before me and yet there is a spark of possessiveness in her gaze that makes me forget all about the ancient relic. Her face is upturned I do not need the Force to know what she wants from me.

I know, because I want the same.

I lean down, mindful that she is still hurt, and cover her mouth with mine.

Soft yielding in my arms, her sweet sigh a lick of fire along my senses that has me holding her closer to me.

Her fingers lace through mine and though I want more, I will not push.

She is injured...and she asked for my help.

I lift my lips from hers and feel more than a bit smug at the dreamy look in her eyes and the soft smile on her mouth.

"You didn't answer my question."

The glassy look in her eyes tells me that she doesn't even remember my question.

"What question?"

Sweet confusion in her voice, caught off guard because she is still thinking about me. I so rarely see her this relaxed and I cannot help but take advantage.

Some of my amusement must have leaked, despite my best efforts, because she is tapping her short nails on my arm with a slightly exasperated look on her face.

She is utterly charming when she looks at me like that and I can only shake my head, knowing that I can deny her nothing.

I unlace our fingers so I can resume stroking her wrist, the slightest tremble of her body tells me she is enjoying the sensation.

"You asked me for help. What am I suppose to be helping with?"

Although the scattered remains of the lightsaber give me a clear idea of what she needs help with.

A slight shift in her body, curving closer to mine as though she had been made to fit in that exact spot, and once more she has my attention.

"Can you tell when I'm thinking about you?"

Her question, including the wistfulness I hear, catch me off-guard. It was not the response I was expecting.

I take a minute to I give it some thought as I sense that this is no idle question from her.

"Not all the time," I tell her, fragments of memories coming into focus as I try to explain, "it is more like a whisper in the back of my mind. Sometimes I can catch a fleeting trace of your emotions."

_A sharp burst of joy, the quiet press of sadness...the flash of anger._

"Other times, like now, it is a shout in my mind that I cannot ignore."

Surprise turns quickly to chagrin on her face on the heels of my answer.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud."

_I would rather have you shouting in my mind everyday than go back to the silence before you entered my life._

But I cannot tell her that and I do not think she would believe me just yet even if I did tell her.

"No need for apology." I reply instead, " I told you I would come if you called for me."

I watch with mild amusement at the blush that tints her skin that lovely shade of pink.

I can only wonder what thoughts lurk behind her beautiful eyes but she does not try to leave my arms, as I thought she would, instead she turns back to the problem at hand.

"So," she begins her voice only a bit unsteady as she picks up both pieces of the saber, "I seem to be...well, stuck." She's glaring at my grandfather's saber as though it has done her a serious, personal wrong, " I _can't _get the thing to work no matter what I do and I can fix _anything_. What am I doing wrong?"

It is on the tip of my tongue to point out that since she had never had any type of formal Jedi training, it should be impossible for her to even think about fixing a broken lightsaber.

However that look in her eyes is not one I wish turned on myself, considering she is once more leaning back in my arms, so I decide to take her words as face value and tell her why it's not working.

"For one thing, the cooling vanes at the base are cracked." I consider my words and wonder if she realizes how much I'm sacrificing to let go of her soft skin so I can point to the silver, circular disk at the base so she knows what I'm talking about, "Even if you managed to light the crystal, it would immediately overheat and blow the reserve power cell."

"Okay..." she was thinking hard, that small furrow between her brows a familiar sight to me now, "well I know I can fix that. Is that it?"

A blended mixture of hope and annoyance in her tone, as if it were that easy to fix what we tore asunder.

"No" a soft, almost inaudible sigh at my answer from her, "there are two other components that need to be repaired." I anticipate her question and don't give her time to ask, "It is well that the kyber crystal survived otherwise you would need to collect a new one."

The truth is I am more than a little amazed the crystal survived at all. I'm already reaching for it, knowing this stone still holds the essence of my grandfather, Anakin Skywalker.

It was his will, his power in the Force, that brought this piece to life. That power lives on still.

Rey's hands wrap around mine, pulling the crystal closer so she could study it.

I find myself studying her, even as she studies the crystal. Her fingers, despite the callouses I could feel, held very few injuries.

Smooth, nearly unblemished skin that gleamed softly in this world's light. Unlike my own, where even now I can see the myriad of small, healed scars from my years of battling to survive.

It is one of the reasons I rarely take off my gloves.

"What is a kyber crystal? I've never heard of it."

Something akin to wonder is in her voice and I turn my attention back to where it is needed.

I keep forgetting that Rey was never a Padawan. What is basic knowledge to me is all new to her.

It is with some irony that I find myself reciting the lessons taught to me by Skywalker.

"The kyber is the only known substance in the galaxy that can give life to a lightsaber. Only those who have studied with a Jedi learn of its existence."

Memories begin to crowd in, the brutal weeks it took me to construct my own saber that I still carry to this day, "To truly be called a Jedi, the construction of a saber is their final test."

"Why?"

Such a simple question but with a complex answer and it would take days to explain all the nuances of the Jedi code. I am wondering how much I can tell her without overwhelming her.

Once more there is a minute shift to her body and I feel her relax utterly in my arms, allowing me to cradle her with my own strength.

That small, simple act of trust unlocks my reserve and I find myself teaching her...what it is to be a Jedi.

Memories of another life...another lifetime return after so long and I recall my earliest lessons.

"The kyber crystal is, to an extent alive. Only those who are in tune with the Force can sense them. They will call out to a Jedi and thus bond with that particular Jedi." Her fingers are still wrapped around mine and I turn the crystal in my hand so she can see the clearest side, "Do you see the color at the center?"

She nods and begins turning my hand to look at it from all angles.

"The crystal is always clear, it has no color until it has been chosen by a Jedi. A Jedi's awareness of the Force, his connection, it what determines the color."

_The deep cold of the Illum ice caves. A pulse in my mind that calls to me, insistent and unending. The crumble of a cliff as I hang on, broken nails that drip warm blood as I am inches from death..._

"So they're always blue?"

Rey's voice, soft and questioning, snaps me out of a long, forgotten memory.

It takes me a second to recall her question before I can answer.

"No. Though blue is more prevalent, there are also green sabers." I should know, for it was the very first color I picked as my own practice saber. "When I trained with Skywalker,"

_The hum of power, drowning my dreams and a malevolent feeling that has my heart pounding and I turn to see the man I thought loved me look at me with such hate in his eye..._

Memories of Ben Solo's life come rushing back and I pull Rey closer to me, her very presence my anchor to the unwanted intrusion,"he spoke of a time before the Jedi council had been destroyed by the mad emperor that there were two other colors that, while rare, were known to appear."

_"There is darkness in you Ben," my uncle tells me after pulling me aside during our last training session. I am stronger than the other children he has brought with him. I am angry with him that he has already started teaching them how to build their own lightsaber, when he refuses me, "and your saber will reflect that darkness I fear."_

"But you said I don't need a new crystal. Just new components. Which ones?"

For a moment I am wondering why Rey is here with me at the training camp...and the pasts fades until I am once more back in the present.

Explaining the different colors of a lightsaber to Rey.

Who seems to no longer care about the differences, despite her earlier enthusiasm.

It is not lost on me that my grip around her waist is none to gentle, yet she has made no move to break away.

Instead she is trying to turn my focus, her ability to sense my turmoil evident.

I can only remember a handful of times in my life that such kindness has been turned in my direction and those memories are that of a small boy I once was.

Her concern for my well-being...it is a gift I did not look for and I let out a breath, the jagged memories of Ben Solo no longer bleeding into me.

I can think clearly again.

I pull my hands from hers and lay the crystal aside, for now. Instead I turn my attention back to the matter at hand.

Her question regarding the broken saber and what she will need to make it work.

I pick up the main housing so I can show her clearly what needs to be done.

"Here, do you see this gap above the conductive plate?" She nods her head and I continue, "There should be another piece. It's called the crystal cradle. It's where the kyber sits in order to activate." I will need to provide her with a diagram so she will recognize the part in order to replace it, "Also here your power core has small fractures that will not align."

The core itself had infinitesimal breaks and unless you were actively looking for them, as I was, they were not remarkably visible.

It was with little wonder that Rey had not noticed them.

She was sitting up straighter in my arms and I could feel her excitement as I pointed out the flaws.

"So if I replace these two," excitement and hope blended together as she spoke, "then I can get it to work?"

"Yes," I tell her but with reservation, "If you can fix it."

"I can fix anything."

_Can you? _I had no doubts that Rey, with her keen intellect and the skills she picked up as a scavenger on Jakku, could put back together this ancient relic. But I wondered how she would fare against a human soul.

She is already settling back in my arms, the housing unit in her hands now as she studies it with a fierce concentration.

"Perhaps," I murmur to myself, knowing she will not hear me her mind already focused on fixing the saber, "there are some things that are too broken to ever be made whole again."

I had never questioned the choices I made in my life, until now.

Until I met Rey and just being with her I began to question everything that I am.

Or thought I was meant to be.

_"He's not the same!" My father's voice, raised in anger and I know that I am the cause of it. "Can't you do something about it! I want my boy back."_

_ I want to tell him that I am still his son, still that boy who followed after him, who is still my hero._

_ "Han," my mother's voice, soft and pleading as I have never heard her, "I'm doing everything I can but Luke..."_

_ "Luke!" My uncle's name a growl on my father's lips, "He's making him worse! I look at him...and I feel like I don't recognize him anymore. I wish...that he had never been born a Jedi."_

_ "Oh Han I..."_

_ I hear her gasp, not finishing her thoughts and I hear the rustle of clothing. _

_ "Ben..."_

_ My mother, whispering my name in heartbreak as she finally senses that I've been here, all along. _

_ On the other side of the wall, where I had just come from practice, to show them how far I had come in my training._

_ I walk away, clutching my hurt to my chest, knowing that there is something inside of me that not even my parents can love. _

Warmth seeping through my armor, a gentle weight.

Soft skin, a feathered caress on my face that drags me from the painful memories of Ben Solo.

Rey.

The broken saber no longer in her hands but lying forgotten in the dirt as she wraps me in her warmth.

I look down at her, wondering if she will ever understand how much I cherish her life.

She is a gift I never expected to receive and she has changed my very

existence.

"Ren."

How can she look at me with that much tenderness in her eyes, say my name like I am the treasure she's been seeking?

I tangle my fingers with hers, proving to myself that she is no illusion. She pulls her hand away, taking mine with her, to wrap herself up in my arms.

"Rey."

"Kiss me Ren, please."

Pleading in her eyes, her voice, for me. Does she not see the darkness that lives in me?

Perhaps she does and doesn't care.

I have never needed anyone in my life as much I need her. I find myself trembling as I place my lips over hers.

There is such fire in her, such heat that the cold, painful memories of my past melt away as she sighs into my mouth.

I can only press her closer to me, sunlight and flowers washing over me as her scent alone calms the chaos in me.

I lift my mouth from hers, the kiss over far too soon, but she is hurt and I don't trust my control where she is concerned.

There is a soft, dreamy smile that graces her lips and my heart clenches hard in my chest.

"You make me wish..."_ that I had met you a lifetime ago, before I chose this life I now lead._

But I could not tell her that. I would give her no false hope about who I really was.

"Wish what?" she presses me when I remain silent, questions in her eyes.

Questions I cannot answer, for I will not lie to her.

But I do not want her to take my silence as a rejection and I press my lips to her forehead, silently begging her not to ask me again.

She curls herself in my arms, her face pressed against my chest and I find myself in a state that is so rare that I have to sort through what it is I am feeling.

Contentment.

Because I am holding Rey in my arms and the silence between us is not oppressive, but peaceful.

"How long can you stay?"

Her quiet words do not shatter the peace surrounding us...instead it reminds me that this is only temporary.

I want to tell her that I would stay forever, by her side, if she would but ask me.

"How long do you want me to stay?"

She doesn't answer but buries herself further in my arms, so close to my chest I wonder if she can breathe at all.

"Rey." I want to take back my words, I didn't mean to make her feel trapped.

"No," she tells me and I hear that stubbornness in her voice, that steel will that I believe even the stars would bend to, "not yet."

Her arms tighten around me and her words take on clarity.

She thinks I am leaving. But the strain is almost negligible and I wonder, not for the first time, where she is. This planet must be closer that I imagine.

So I will indulge her, and myself, and stay a bit longer.

"Do you want to hear a story?"

I feel her startle in my arms, not the answer she was expecting and she nods her head, refusing to let go of me.

I have no objections to Rey wanting me closer to her.

"It pertains to the discussion we had earlier, when you asked about the different colors that a lightsaber can take." I tell her, recalling that she had not let me finish the lesson. Her gentle weight in my arms is my lodestone and I do not fear drowning in my past, so long as I can hold her, "I never told you the other two. The first color is purple. The second is gold."

"Why are they different from the blue and green ones?"

Ah, there she is, my inquisitive Rey. I wondered how long it would take before she began asking questions.

Not long it seems.

"Each color is a reflection of a Jedi's connection with the Force." It was my mother, not Skywalker, who had related this tale to me when I was but a boy, "The story that I was told is this; a purple saber is the color that only a Jedi who has tasted the dark side of the force and walked away can wield. It is the manifestation of the darkness that still resides in them."

It made me wonder, years after I left my uncle, if my saber would have been that color.

After all, I had the blood of Skywalker in me and both the darkness and the light were strong in my family line.

"And the gold?"

A tickle in the back of my throat, and I recognize it as a need to laugh. Rey and her impatience, always wanting answers.

However the gold saber was unique even among Jedi. I wondered if I should tell her, but as I promised her this story, I could not back away now.

"A very rare color that only a handful of individuals have ever claimed."

"Why?"

"To have a gold lightsaber is to be neither Jedi...nor Sith." I had not learned this from either my mother or Skywalker but the Jedi tomes that I had read in secret during my earlier years at his school, "The stories go that these individuals were known as Grey Jedi, they had perfect balance of both darkness and light in them."

"What about...red?"

I close my eyes, I should have known that she would ask about that particular color.

It was, after all, the color of my own lightsaber.

I know she knows the answer, Skywalker or even my mother would have told her why I carry a red saber.

"I think you already know the answer."

A soft warning, the only one I can give for the truth about the red saber is a painful one.

I feel her lift her head and I open my eyes to look down at her.

Clear, bright amber that holds my reflection.

"Tell me."

I will not lie to her and tell her what she must already suspect...or know to be true.

"Only the Sith use a red saber." I keep my words gentle, but resolute, "Their commitment to the darkness absolute."

I watch her eyes darken, brace myself for the speech I know she will give about coming back to the light...

...but she defies my expectations and merely sighs and lays her head back on my chest.

Her acceptance to the truth of my words is enough to render me speechless.

She does not speak again and I am loath to break this fragile peace between us.

I am content to simply hold her in my arms and watch, with almost a sense of wonder, as the sun sets in the distance.

No fighting, no arguments.

Just the fading of the light that streaks the sky in crimson and gold.

Only when the first stars appeared on the horizon, along with faint stirrings of a headache, do I know that our time is at an end.

There was nothing more that I desired than to hold Rey in my arms through the night, but it was not to be this night.

I feel her stirring in my arms and know she already sensed our time is coming to and end as well.

"You have to go."

Sorrow and reluctance in her voice, her words not a question.

But one I chose to treat as such.

"Yes."

I could not hide my own reluctance to have this end.

She lifts her head to look at me and I did not wait for her to ask me.

I lean down and capture her mouth, needing one last taste of her before cold reality rips her from me.

Her lips yield under mine and I take everything she offers up to me.

Her heat, her light, branding me until I thought I would burn beneath the weight of our combined desire.

I pressed my mouth into hers until there was no part of me that was cold. Only sweet, molten flame in my blood.

I pulled away the same time she does and there is no time left for us.

I get to my feet swiftly and saw the wince, nearly invisible in the twilight, as she struggled to get to hers.

I am already offering her my hand, my strength, and help her to stand.

She steps closer to me, both of our hands now entwined.

The dying light draped her in ethereal beauty and I burn her image into my mind.

"When you dream," I tell her, a wistful yearning filling me, "dream of me."

I wanted to the be the first thing she thought of when she awoke and the last when she drifted to sleep.

Her expressive eyes, the light of stars in them, was the last image I had of her before I was once more alone. I didn't even get the chance to hear her reply, but I was hopeful that she would, indeed, dream of me.

For she is always in mine.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: **Update! This chapter is a little different, a little darker than my previous ones, but one that I felt needed to be told. I'll let you be the judge.

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Your reviews are a delight to my soul. They inspire me to do more.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

_I hear it again. The sound of a voice that I have no memory of, only saying a single word._

_ Rey._

_ My name, or what I assumed had to be my name. Rough arms that hurt me and I cry out in pain, being shoved down a walkway, scraping my knee's when I can't keep up._

_ More hands grabbing me and that voice follows me repeating that same word._

_ Rey. _

_ Heat beats down on me from a cruel sun and I hear the sound of a ship and I turn, cold terror in me as I see the ship leaving me behind._

_ "No! No! Come back! I'll be good...I'll be good!"_

I bolt upright in bed, that silent cry on my lips as icy terror hooks terrible claws into my soul.

I barely make it to the bathroom where I throw up what little supper I had from earlier.

Tepid water in my mouth as I try to wash the taste of nausea and fright from the back of my throat.

"Go away."

I'm looking in the mirror but all I see is the little girl from Jakku staring back at me.

_"I'll be good! I'll be good...please don't leave me here!"_

"Get out of my head!"

I slam my fist against the mirror, but it is not true glass and absorbs my impact.

"Rey...hey you okay?"

Poe's voice. I can hear Finn's as well coming from down the hall.

Their voices pull me from the past, if only for a brief moment.

Not Jakku.

The planet Riada, the village of Tai'Sulil on the edges of the Outer Rim. We've managed to push back the First Order troops that had been occupying the main city of Tai'Cilur.

But I had walked the streets of that war-torn city. Saw the tears of the younglings as family members were identified in the aftermath.

Men and women both, cradling the empty husks of their loved ones. Their mourning song saturated the air with sorrow that clung to me still.

We won. We took back the city.

So then why did I feel so hollow inside?

"Rey? Hey answer me!"

Banging on my door. I had rejected the offer to stay in Tai'Cilur, I found I had no taste for cities. No matter where I turned all I saw were the faces of the dead, their eyes pleading with me to save them.

Their eyes accusing me of stealing the life they left behind.

The elder of Tai'Sulil had offered the use of a boarding house in their small village that was on the edge of the great city.

I had accepted.

Anything to get away from the blank stares of those younglings who would never hold a brother, or be kissed by a father.

Who would never hear their mother tell them that they loved them.

_"Please don't leave! PLEASE! Come back!"_

Too many memories crowding in my brain and I shove the door open, Poe's startled face floating before me.

"Whoa Rey that was...hey, what's wrong?"

His hand on my elbow as I push past him.

"Let go of me!"

I snatch my elbow back and run through the hall my demons chasing after me.

"Rey!"

Finn's voice crying out in alarm.

"Leave me alone!"

I am out of the boarding house and into the night air that is redolent with the scent of rain and burning wood.

I can hear footsteps after me and I didn't want them to find me.

_They think they know me, but _nobody _knows me! _

How could they know me? They met me just over a year ago. Not enough to explain a lifetime.

Not enough time to begin to trust them with the nightmares in my head.

The night is dark, the red moon blanketed behind thick clouds that promise heavy rains to come.

I run and keep running until I am far enough away that I can no longer see the lights of the village, hear the voices shouting my name.

I run until I can feel my lungs burning and my breath rasping in the cool air. The sand beneath my feet is soft and makes very little noise despite my weight. The village is surrounded by desert until it turns into a hidden oasis further out.

Too far out for even me to run to and I stand in the middle of the wasteland, tears streaming down my face even as I gasp for air.

The cries of the abandoned little girl from my childhood still inside my mind.

She is always crying, begging to be saved.

I hunch down on my legs, grasping my head.

"Go away, please go away!" I don't want to remember that time when I was so young...so vulnerable.

_A harsh slap across my cheek, the force behind it jarring enough that I cut the inside of my cheek with my teeth._

_ I can taste iron on my tongue and the shock is enough to cut through my screams. _

_ "Shut up, you ungrateful whelp!"_

_ A rough shake that tosses my head back and forth and I feel the bones in my shoulders grinding beneath the grip._

_ "I bought you and you'll do as you're told! You want to eat, you'll work!"_

_ The cruel voice of the junk trader that my faceless parents had given me to, no longer a child._

_ Only property. _

"Stop it! Stop it!"

A hand on my shoulder and I scream wordlessly at the unwanted contact, taking the hand by the wrist and kicking my leg out so that my attacker was knocked off their feet and I am on them, the short knife I keep strapped to my leg already in my hand as I press it to their chin, my other hand pinning the wrist of my unseen attacker to the sand beneath us.

Calm eyes of obsidian stare back at me.

The scent of rain touched by frost envelopes me, clearing the wordless rage from my head.

Giving me a single moment of clarity.

"R-Ren?"

The tip of my blade it still pressed to his throat and I ease back just enough so that he can answer me without spilling his own blood.

"Yes."

The silken caress of shadows and darkness that is his voice. No one sounds the way he does and I find myself letting go of his wrist, even as I still have him trapped beneath me.

"Why are you here?"

Snarling words from my throat, the desert wind a sting against my cheek as I feel the tears drying on my skin.

"I could feel your pain."

Concern in his eyes as he looks up at me and I can't stand to have him see me this way.

"I didn't ask you to be here!"

I scramble to get off of him. To get away and put distance between us.

But I find that I can't move more than a few feet from where he is laying.

The little girl is still crying inside my head, but no longer so loud.

He doesn't get to his feet, doesn't try to follow me.

I see him sit up slowly, his cloak like dark wings spread out behind him as he crosses his legs, his hands resting lightly on his knee's.

"But I am here. Talk to me."

"Why, so you can make sympathetic noises and tell me you know me?" My voice sounds too high as I pace back and forth, wanting to run but wanting to stay at the same time.

"No one knows me!"

"True," he agrees, causing me stop pacing and stare at him, "but I, at least, want to know you. I want to know everything about you."

Quiet words with no taste of deception.

_Would you still want me if you knew how weak I am?_

"No," I am shaking my head, "No...no!"

"Rey."

Soft, caressing darkness that speaks my name, cutting through the madness that has taken a grip inside me.

My name on his lips, I can hear the offer in that single word.

"I...I couldn't _save _them!" Bitterness in my voice as I stare at my hands, "So many died and for what?"

I look at him and I do not see pity, as I would have in Finn's eyes. Nor do I see justification, as I would in Poe's.

All I see is understanding in his dark gaze.

He makes no demands, doesn't ask me why I'm out here in this barren land in the middle of the night, screaming at the shrouded sky like a mad woman.

Perhaps that's why I can talk to him.

"I'm so tired," I find myself telling him, despair a living presence inside of me, "and I have no idea what I'm suppose to be doing half the time! I'm just a girl from Jakku. I'm no Jedi...no hero. Poe keeps going on and on about freedom from tyranny and the hope of peace and that is suppose to justify all the deaths and sacrifices!"

My legs are shaking as tears slip down my face.

"I heard stories of the Rebels from the pilots who came to Jakku. They made them sound so grand...so _noble_...I dreamed of being one of them." A bitter laugh that is more of a sob, "I didn't realize that war isn't any of those things. It is death and sadness and suffering and all in the name of peace."

"What is peace?"

It is the first words he's spoken since I started rambling at him and they are not the words I expected to hear from his lips.

"Excuse me?"

I look at him, wondering if I heard him correctly.

"I asked, Rey of Jakku, what is peace...to you?"

I blinked, feeling as though the ground was giving way beneath me. No one...no one had bothered to ask me that question before.

I don't think I ever asked myself that question.

"I...I don't know."

"Don't you?"

I snarl at him not in the mood for his cryptic comments.

"No I don't! Do you?" I snap back at him.

"I can tell you a thousand different answers from all over the galaxy," he replies, his voice calm even after my outburst and I find myself moving closer to him, "for some peace is simply waking up and not having to hear the sound of blaster fire outside their door. Another would define it as the ability to feed their families without the fear of starvation. Others still? It is the credits in their accounts and all the luxuries they can surround themselves with. Shall I go on?"

I shake my head. "That's not what I asked. How do _you_ define peace, Ren?"

"Ah, now there is a question. Which answer do you want to hear?"

I stare at him, confused. "How can there be more than one answer?"

"Do you want to hear peace defined by the Supreme Leader of the First Order...or how I, an individual, perceive peace?"

"Both...I guess." I honestly didn't know, wasn't he the same person regardless of what title he held?

Ren steepled his fingers and rested his chin lightly on them.

"Very well. As the Supreme Leader, I define peace through order. Let all worlds, all walks of life, live under one rule. Mine."

"What rule is that? Obedience?" Challenge in my voice.

"Loyalty."

I shake my head. "You can't mean that. Loyalty is honor, acceptance...love. The First Order cares about none of those things. They simply want people to obey without question and without cause."

"Have you walked on the worlds where the First Order rules?"

"We just took back a world from the First Order!"

"So you did...and tell me, what is so different now?"

I open my mouth...and close it. All I have is the answer that Leia, and Poe, give.

"The people...are free."

"From what?" He pushes me, his eyes reflecting pools of darkness, "To once more have to bow before a government who would see their citizens starving in the streets while they argue over who gets the better share of profits? To see orphans of _their _wars, become criminals because their government couldn't be bothered to care enough about them to see that they were educated and given a place to belong?"

His words...they make sense and I think that scares me more than anything.

"What about you? What does," _Ben Solo, _and I nearly trip over the name, "Kylo Ren believe in?"

He lifts his head from his fingers and stares up at the sky and I wait, wondering what he seeking.

If anything.

"Peace to me," he tells me slowly as he keeps his gaze from mine, "is not a concept or an ideal. It is something I can see, something I can feel with my hands and see with my eyes."

He turns those eyes on me now.

"My peace...in here."

"What? This barren wasteland? _This _is your idea of peace?"

It was so faint, I nearly missed it. The slight curve of his lips that was nearly a smile.

It softened his features and the crying girl inside of me actually stopped to stare at him, fascinated by what she saw.

"No, my peace...is you Rey."

I blink at him, dumbfounded by what he is telling me.

He sighs and pushes his hair back from his eyes.

"Being here with you, just the two of us together, _this _is my peace."

"I don't...I mean...how?"

I was floundering with him. I didn't understand what he was trying to tell me.

But maybe I did...and it was frightening how much his words were resonating inside of me.

"I am more myself with you. I look at you...and I do not have to worry what dark secrets you conceal. You have the most expressive eyes, did you know that Rey? I don't have to wonder what thoughts you hide, because you say exactly what you mean."

His words...had he always sounded like this when he talked about me? He made me feel...I can't describe it.

Like I am special. That even though I feel so broken and lost, he doesn't see me that way.

That small, crying girl inside of me is no longer crying. She is utterly silent, terrified that if she looks away from this man, he'll be gone and she'll be alone.

So terribly, terribly alone.

I drop to my knees, the sand cushioning my fall as the madness that gripped me earlier leaves me hollow.

"I...I'm not any of those things." I wrap my arms around my knee's and pull them to my chest, burying my face in my arms.

"I hide all the time," I whisper, telling Ren all of my fears, "so no one can see how scared I am."

"Of what?"

"Of failing. The 'last Jedi' they call me and I'm terrified of not meeting their expectations. How am I suppose to save an entire galaxy when I couldn't even save myself?"

"Who said you had to save everyone?"

I look up at the derision in his voice, startled by it.

He is looking at me with something close to exasperation on his face.

"You are giving yourself unrealistic expectations. People die every single day. By the thousands. Some from disease or war or famine. Or simply old age."

"You are giving me excuses."

"No, I'm giving you what you need most. The truth, cold and hard as it may seem. You are a single person, _not _some mythical being that has the cure for everything."

I open my mouth to retort...but nothing emerges. Am I really making this harder on myself?

I don't know what to believe. My emotions are a storm inside of me and his words are simply adding to the chaos.

His sigh is soft, almost regretful and I look up from my knee's.

"My mother," he speaks slowly and there is strange look in his eyes, "once said something that has stayed with me. She said that anything that is worth having, worth keeping, never comes freely. There is always a price to paid. You just have to decided for yourself if you're willing to pay that price."

"What...what if you can't...or won't...pay that price?"

"Then you give it up."

I shook my head. Even as a child, I had refused to give up. It was what sustained me on Jakku, all of those endless years of waiting.

For someone that never gave a damn about me in the first place.

_Maybe...maybe we were waiting for the wrong person. _

The little girl, the one who cried for months, who stubbornly refused to see that she had been abandoned, was speaking.

Terrified and trembling in my soul where I had locked her away to become stronger, I now listened to her.

_Maybe we were waiting...for him. To find us. _

I look at Ren, as though seeing him for the first time.

There was no impatience in him, no anger at suddenly finding himself dragged in the middle of nowhere just so I could cry and scream at him.

_Are you what I've been searching for my entire life? _

"Ren..."

I let go of my knee's and lift my hands to him. I didn't even see him move. He was across from me and now he is wrapping me in his arms, his cloak concealing us both.

"I have you, Rey. You can let go. It's okay. I have you."

A tearing inside of me, my oldest wound breaking free and I burst into wracking sobs in his arms, my tears soaking his armor as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"Please, please don't go. Please..."

The words, the same words I cried when I was on Jakku, now spill from my lips.

"I will never leave you Rey. I will _always _be here for you."

His words, the promise I hear in them, make my cry harder. How long have I waited to hear those words.

His fingers stroke my hair and he is murmuring soft words that I can't hear, but his voice is soothing and that terrible despair inside of me is slowly receding.

I don't know how long I stayed there, in the arms of my enemy as old wounds that never healed were cleansed by my tears and his presence.

Thunder rolled in the distance and red lighting began streaking the sky. The storm would soon be on us.

"Thank you."

I can barely whisper the words, my throat raw and my eyes gritting from the maelstrom I let loose.

"You're welcome."

I lift my head just as lightning flashes overhead and I see him so clearly. His fall of dark hair that leaves shadows over his eyes, his mouth that had the beginnings of a smile that had taken my breath away and spoke words that both confused yet calmed me at the same time.

Thunder roared and it shook the ground around us just before the skies opened up.

We were soaked in seconds and despite Ren wrapping his cloak around the both of us, I could already feel myself shivering.

If I didn't get out of this rain soon, I was going to get sick.

But I couldn't leave, not yet.

I grab two fistfuls of his cloak around his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. His mouth was already open in surprise and I sweep my tongue across his, feeling him shudder as his arms tighten around me.

Just like that I pull away. But my fingers are still wrapped in his cloak, holding him in place.

"You," I tell him fiercely, "are _not _my peace. You are both my heaven and my hell."

Shocked eyes clash with mine and I let go, stumbling to my feet as Ren is still on his knee's before me.

"I still don't have an answer," I tell him as rain plasters my clothes to my body, my hair running rivers down my spine. "But...I don't _ever_ give up. I will fight for what I want. I guess that includes you."

I take off running in the rain, back towards the village. I had a lot of explaining to do to Finn and Poe.

There were some things I would tell them, but not all. There were questions that Ren had stirred in my mind and I needed answers before I could face him again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: **Update! To all my new readers, I hope you will enjoy my tale. To those who have decided to follow this journey, welcome back! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Yeah you know the drill. Read, review...repeat!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

"Is there anything else you require Supreme Leader?"

I turn to look at the First Lieutenant who acted as my escort here on Pralis Six. The construction for the new weapons and the training for a new type of Stormtrooper was actually ahead of schedule and I knew that she, in part, was responsible for the progress.

Loyalty and hard work should be rewarded. If she continued in this fashion I may have her transferred to my flag ship. It would certainly send a message to Hux that he is not as indispensable as he believes himself to be.

"There is nothing, Lieutenant Eusebia. I will take my meal in my quarters in an hour's time."

I saw the flash of surprise in her eyes before she quickly gained control and offered me a crisp salute.

She did not expect me to remember her name.

"Sir! I will return to my duties, with your permission."

A simple nod of my head and she turns her back to me and I go into my temporary quarters. I estimate that I shouldn't be on Pralis Six for more than a few weeks.

The room is standard officers quarters and while stark, were perfectly functional.

I was just beginning to unhook the clasp to my cloak when it hit.

_Fear...mindless, consuming terror...the need to flee...anguish sinking sharp talons, shredding my soul...devouring my mind..._

I had never felt such overwhelming emotions flood into me. I staggered beneath the chaotic feelings that were not mine.

My hand braced the wall...

...and I found myself holding onto cloth, not reinforced plascrete.

"Stop it! Stop it!"

My heart faltered in that instant hearing the tormented cries from her lips.

I snapped my head around, looking for her enemies, but there was nothing but endless desert and I sensed no other living presence for miles.

Pressure on my wrist and that was all the warning I had.

Her grip was bruising, forcing my hand off of her shoulder as she swept my feet out from underneath me.

I hit the sand hard, my armor absorbing most of the impact but Rey was already on top of me. I caught a look of animalistic rage in her eyes before I heard the scrape of metal and felt the keen edge of a dagger pressed to my throat, just below my jaw where my armor does not cover.

Her other hand wrapped around my wrist and had I not been wearing protection the pressure she was exerting would have fractured if not completely shattered the bones.

I looked up...and I knew, at that moment, she had no idea who I was.

There was only rage and such terrible sorrow in her eyes that I bled just looking upon it.

"R-Ren?"

Grief and desolation as she said my name. The raw edges of her fury bled out but the haunting sorrow remained, cutting me anew.

I dare not speak, even a single swallow would open the vein where the tip of her dagger lay against my skin.

She must have realized this because I felt the cool kiss of metal withdraw. I could answer without coating my blood on her blade.

"Yes."

The crushing pressure on my wrist eases before it is gone entirely. She is still sitting on me, but no longer threatening.

Confusion is at war with the grief I see in her.

"Why are you here?"

She sounds so lost and alone.

Broken.

I can see the faint sheen on her face, the tracks where her tears fell.

A soft dripping sound that hits my clothing.

Rey's tears, still falling and she does not brush them away. I do not think she is even aware she is crying.

My heart, which I long thought dead and incapable of feeling emotion, was now breaking beneath the weight of her tears.

There is actual pain in my chest and I found that I could barely breath and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was sitting on me.

I wanted to cup her face and beg her to stop crying, that I would do _anything _if only she would stop.

But I feared any movement I made she would see as a threat. So I could only rely on words and pray that they were enough.

"I could feel your pain."

_Feel it, taste it, see it. _

_ R_age building in me, a desperate need to eliminate whatever had brought Rey to this point but I also felt she would shatter if I so much as moved.

I throttled the rage, my anger would only do more harm than good right now.

_Let me help you. Point me to your enemy and I will make sure that they never return._

Her eyes are wide, dark orbs that show only my reflection back at me.

"I never asked you to be here!"

Panic and despair in every breath as she frantically pushes away from me, scrambling in the sand to get a footing.

I see her trembling only a few feet away from me. She is so close to the edge that I know my next move will decide my fate.

I will either send her running from me and lose whatever fragile bond we have...or I can keep her here with me and try to find a way to help her.

I keep my movements slow, her eyes tracking my every gesture with unerring accuracy.

I have seen Scavorian hunting cats do the exact same thing before they go for their prey's throat.

I settle myself into a meditative pose, her eyes never leaving me but she makes no move to run.

The threat is still there. I can see it in every taunt line of her body.

"But I am here." I tell her softly, "Talk to me."

White lines bracket her mouth, her pupils dilated and I begin to second guess myself as the silence stretches and the seconds tick by like hours.

"Why?" Harsh words from a voice that is laced with panic and a hatred that I have never seen in her before this moment, "so you can make sympathetic noises and tell me you know me?"

She is moving again, pacing liked a caged animal I once observed, but never more than a foot from where I was sitting.

"No one knows me!"

Defensive words with a bitter edge. So much rage inside of her, I wonder how she managed to contain it for so long. I, more than anyone, know what it feels like to bottle anger until you were chocking on it.

"True," I agree, thinking about what she had just said. We met as enemies, then thrust into a bond that at the beginning, was not of our own making. We had come to understand each other, rely on one another and then parted again on opposite sides of this conflict.

"But I, at least, want to know you." She has stopped pacing, staring at me as if I were something she had never seen before, "I want to know everything about you."

_I want to know what you dream about so I can make them real. I want to know about the nightmares I see in your eyes so that I can banish them. _

A single step forward, such yearning in her eyes before the despair eclipse it.

"No," she whispers, "No...no!"

Screams of denial, but not the rage. Only anguish.

"Rey."

_Let me help you. I am not afraid of the darkness inside of you._

The screams die as I call her name and she looks at me with shattered eyes.

"I...I couldn't _save _them," self-loathing and contempt from her as stares at her hands, "so many died and for what?"

I should have known. How old was I when I first saw death? I have been at war for so many years that perhaps I have become inured to the fact that people die by the dozens, by the hundreds, day after day.

But not Rey.

She looks up at me and I can offer her no platitudes, no false words that everything will get better.

"I'm so tired...and I don't know what I'm suppose to be doing half the time!" Pleading in her eyes as words spill from her lips, "I'm just a girl from Jakku. I'm no Jedi...no hero."

She's pacing again, her hands clenching and releasing. I can do nothing but let her speak, like drawing poison so a wound can heal.

"Poe keeps going on and on about freedom from tyranny and the hope of peace and that is suppose to justify all the deaths and sacrifices!"

I know that name and it is well she is not looking in my direction for she cannot see the sneer that twists my mouth at the name of my mother's hand-chosen successor.

Of course Poe Dameron would speak such words. He is a true patriot of my mother's cause.

One might even say zealot.

But there is one distinction between my mother and Dameron. My mother always weighed the cost of life before she committed herself to a conflict. Dameron, by all accounts, did not.

Rey is still speaking and the tremble in her voice has me clenching my fists as I see her legs shake and the tears slide down her face.

She is speaking to me of her time on Jakku, how she learned of the Rebels and their cause.

"...It is death and sadness and suffering and all in the name of peace."

She sounds so hollow, so unsure of where she belongs. She is floundering and her beliefs...I wonder, not for the first, what it is _she _believes in.

What she is fighting for that it is worth her life.

"What is peace?"

My words jerk her into stopping her endless pacing and I see confusion in her gaze.

"Excuse me?"

_Has no one ask you that question? Or are you simply surprised that I dared to question your beliefs?_

"I asked, Rey of Jakku, what it peace...to you."

Blank eyes that clear as she turns her focus inward. I can have patience when there is need and I put it to good use now.

She is close enough that even under the cover of night, I can see the muted glow of her eyes.

But the fires are banked and she turn grief-ridden eyes my way.

"I...I don't know."

_Don't know what I wonder? Have you never thought where peace comes from? Or have you never known peace?_

"Don't you?"

I thought my question safe enough until I saw the rage rekindle in her eyes and her fists clench at her side.

"No I don't!" She snarls at me and I wonder if she will pull her blade on me again, "do you?"

Challenge in her voice and I let out a silent sigh. Talking to Rey like this was akin to dancing on a knife's edge.

But she did ask me a question...one I have not thought about in a long time.

"I can tell you a thousand different answers from all over the galaxy," How could I not when my mother's home housed some of the best diplomats from the Senate and I could still remember their debates on the subject, "for some peace is simply waking up and not having to hear the sound of blaster fire outside their door."

Caution in her eyes as she slides a step forward and I keep my voice low so that she will have to move closer to hear me. I continue when she stops moving.

"Another would define it as the ability to feed their families without the fear of starvation."

A flicker in her eyes and it makes me wonder exactly what kind of life she had truly lived on Jakku.

"Others still?" I cannot keep the derision from my voice as I remember hearing _this _particular conversation, "It is the credits in their account and all the luxuries they can surround themselves with."

Open disgust in her eyes as I expected to see. Rey did not strike me as the type of woman who valued the material over the emotional.

"Shall I go on?"

But she is shaking her head at me and I see, just for an instant, the sorrow recedes in her gaze.

"That's not what I asked," again that open challenge as she glares at me, "how do _you _define peace, Ren?"

"Ah, now there is a question. Which answer do you want to hear?"

My words take the anger out of her eyes, replacing it with confusion.

"How can there be more than one answer?"

It is times like this that remind me that for all of her power, all of her skill and intellect, she is still young. Still woefully, or perhaps wonderfully, naive to the intricacies that we call life.

" Do you want to hear peace defined by the Supreme Leader of the First Order," she could not disguise her displeasure at the title I now held, "or how I, an individual, perceive peace?"

Again that look of confused naivety as if I were speaking words that made no logical sense.

"Both...I guess."

I steeple my fingers and rest my chin lightly on them. Since she asked for both explanation, I would give them to her.

It was time to rip away some of her illusions that she had wrapped herself in.

"Very well." She is still standing so I lift my eyes to look up at her and it would seem I have her undivided attention, "As the Supreme Leader, I define peace through order." I would not live in the shadows like Snoke, unseen and unknown, "Let all worlds, all walks of life, live under one rule."

"Mine."

Left to their own devices, to their own schemes and internal conflicts, the inhabited worlds of this galaxy would fall into chaos and ruin as petty bureaucrats scrambled for power while their people suffered and died.

I could change all of that.

"What rule is that? Obedience?"

Derision in her voice now and she is looking at me with open hostility.

"Loyalty."

Shock in her tormented eyes and she is shaking her head at me.

"You can't mean that," her voice is a soft plea, "Loyalty is honor, acceptance..." a shuddering breath, "love."

She looks at me and I see the banked fires begin to smolder.

"The First Order cares about none of those things. They simply want people to obey without question and without cause."

Considering that my troops have claimed countless worlds all across the galaxy and that Rey only left the planet Jakku just over a year ago, I wonder what she is basing this on.

"Have you walked on the worlds where the First Order rules?"

A spark of amber, ringed by black shadows.

"We just took back a world from the First Order!"

Her arms gesture around her and I know, now, exactly where she is. The report had come in only hours earlier that a planet on the edge of the northern Outer Rim called Riada had somehow managed to take back their main city of Tai'Cilur and that had caused the other smaller cities to take up arms as well.

"So you did...and tell me," I acknowledge her boast with a short nod of my head, "what is so different now?"

The spark that had been burning so brightly begins to flicker and once again I see her wavering.

"The people...they are free."

How many years have I heard that same refrain from my mother's lips? How many years growing up did I hear her and my father speak constantly of freedom...only to have the people whom they had so-called freed turn their backs on them.

"From what?" I ask her, deciding now was as good a time as any to being stripping away these illusions she clung to,"To once more have to bow before a government who would see their citizens starving in the streets while they argue over who gets the better share of profits?" A flicker in her eyes and I know that some of what I am saying is getting through so I continue on before she can interrupt, "to see orphans of _their _wars, become criminals because their government couldn't be bothered to care enough about them to see that they were educated and given a place to belong?"

Her eyes are shuttered, haunted before she closes them and I wait as she takes in deep breaths.

As much as I want to push her to see the truth, I will not cause her additional pain.

She is already close to breaking.

"What about you?" I have to strain to hear her voice, she is speaking so quietly, "What does..." a catch in her breath and her eyes tangle with mine, "Kylo Ren believe in?"

_Ben Solo. _

She did not speak that name but it hangs in the air between us.

This time I am the one who turns away. I keep pushing Rey to let go of her illusion but I am just as guilty. I look up at the night-shrouded sky but my mind wanders back to that name.

To that person, I am loath to admit, that still exists.

_He _is always here, whenever she shows up and colors my every thought, my every action with her.

Perhaps that is why I reveal a piece of my soul to her.

"Peace to me is not a concept or an ideal," _my mother a soft, serene smile on her face that makes her look so young as my father holds her in his arms, that same smile reflected on his own, _"It is something I can see, something I can feel with my hands and see with my eyes."

I turn to look at Rey, who is just standing there with bewildered, heart-breaking eyes gazing after me.

_"...and I just feel so alone."_

_ Tears in her eyes as she turns to me, the loss and endless ache of loneliness one I know all too well. It is a feeling that has been my constant shadow, my silent companion for far too much of my life. _

_ Now I see it reflected in her eyes...and the words slip out of my mouth, changing my life irrefutably._

_ "You're not alone."_

_ Startled amber that look at me with confusion that soften almost imperceptibly as she realizes that I too, have felt the way she does now._

_ "Neither are you."_

"My peace...is here."

"What? This barren wasteland? _This _is your idea of peace?"

_Of course you would think that I would refer to a place. _There was such perplexing innocence in her gaze my lips begin to curve just hearing her reaction.

A stillness comes over her and I see the shift in her eyes. Confusion giving way to cautious curiosity.

But she had asked a question and I would answer.

"No," I tell her gently and I can feel myself hesitating but I cannot stop now, "my peace...is you Rey."

Incomprehension in her eyes. She still doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell her. Clearly subtlety was lost on her at this point.

I rake my fingers through my hair, just wondering how far I was going to have to spill my secrets before she understood my meaning.

"Being here with you, just the two of us," I look at her and she still has that glazed look in her eyes, "_this _is my peace."

_I only need you Rey. You are the lodestone to my heart. _

"I...don't...I mean...how?"

She isn't being coy, she isn't teasing me. I can see it with every breath she takes, every stilted gesture that she had _no idea _just how special she truly is.

"I am more myself with you." A admission that I can only make with her. "I look at you...and I do not have to worry what dark secrets you conceal."

The dazed look in her eyes gives way to wary disbelief and I don't even need the Force to know that she doesn't believe me. "You have the most expressive eyes, did you know that Rey? I don't have to wonder what thoughts you hide, because you say exactly what you mean."

It was like taking a breath of fresh, clean air when I am around her. The way she talks, the way she thinks, they dazzle me anew. There is no malice, no avarice that jades her soul.

She doesn't speak, but I see that lost, haunted look in her eyes before she simply drops to the sand, like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

I am already on my knee's...but I stop myself from going to her.

She is curling her knee's up to her chest and buries her face in them, hiding from me.

From the world it would seem and I dare not touch her least I do anything to set her off again.

I force myself to settle back into my meditative pose and wait as the silence stretches a taunt wire between us.

"I...I'm not any of those things." Her voice is muffled but I can still catch her words...and the pain that accompanies them. "I hide all the time so no one can see how scared I am."

Her body is trembling and I ask the only question that is relevant at this point.

"Of what?"

What could make this beautiful, strong woman tremble with such fright that she is out here alone in this wasteland just to escape it?

"Of failing," she whispers, and I hear the tears in them, "The 'last Jedi' they call me and I'm terrified of not meeting their expectations. How am I suppose to save an entire galaxy when I couldn't even save myself?"

Of all the things she could have told me, _this _is what is breaking her down?

Words of pretentious being's who expect others to sacrifice their own lives when they refuse to even lift a finger to help themselves.

"Who said you had to save everyone?"

She snaps her head up. I don't bother to hide my annoyance and I am silently relieved to see no tears on her face.

Questions in her eyes again.

I thought her years on Jakku would have taught her at least a little about self-preservation, but Rey has too much compassion in her and the galaxy will eat her alive because of it.

"You are giving yourself unrealistic expectations." I see the glitter come back into her eyes and I prefer an angry Rey to this shadow version of her, "People die every single day. By the thousands. Some from disease or war or famine. Or simply old age."

"You are giving me excuses."

Anger but not enough to dispel the doubt I still see lingering. Since subtlety has no effect on her, I go straight for the throat.

"No, I'm giving you what you need most." I harden my voice and let my own anger slip the leash. "The truth, cold and hard as it may seem. You are a single person, _not _some mythical being that has the cure for everything."

I had thought her time with Skywalker, the _great _Jedi Master, would have shown her just how fallible humans could be.

I expect her to lash out at me, that temper of hers is so quick to burn...but instead she gives me a shattered look and buries her face back in her arms.

I want to shake her, to wake her up...but at the same time I want to hold her in my arms and tell her that so long as I breathe, she will _never _have to be afraid.

I want to help her...and yet all I seem to do is push her away.

_"Ben, I want you to listen to me."_

_ I put my bag down and turn to my mother. I'm on Yavin now, to begin my training with my uncle Luke and I don't know when I'll be going back home._

_ I wait for her to speak, probably tell me to behave myself when I'm here._

_ She kneels down in front of me and puts both hands on my shoulder. I can see the gold flecks in her eyes. _

_ "Nothing in this life comes free. There is _always _a price to be paid for what you want to keep."_

_ She pulls me to her, wrapping her arms around me until I can barely breath but I don't ask her to stop. _

_ "This is my price,"she whispers to me, "_because_ you are _everything _to me and I will fight to keep you."_

My mother's voice...and her wisdom, from so long ago. It wasn't the last words she spoke to me before my months of training with Skywalker began, but it was the last thing I remember of her love.

I look at Rey...and sigh.

_I remember...Mom. You were right. _

Rey looks at me with troubled, frightened eyes that remind me of just how young she still is.

"My mother," I tell her softly, an ache that is always there when I think of Leia Organa Solo, "once told me something that has stayed with me." I look at Rey and finally understand what my mother was trying to tell me all those years ago, "She said that anything that is worth having, worth keeping, never comes freely. There is always a price to paid. You just have to decided for yourself if you're willing to pay that price."

She gives me an agonizing look and her lips tremble as she tries to speak.

"What...what if you can't...or won't...pay that price?"

_Are you speaking about being a Jedi...or about me? _

I want to ask her...but even I do not possess that much courage.

"Then you give it up."

She is shaking her head at me, her fingers clenched so tightly I wonder if she has any feeling left in them at all.

I cannot help her with this. This is something that only she can decide for herself.

Just like I had to.

Eternity stretches between us and all I can do is remain silent...remain helpless in the face of her pain.

If I have to sit here all night, waiting for whatever decision she comes to, then so be it.

She lifts her head and I find myself holding my breath.

Fragile, vulnerable eyes look at me.

"Ren..."

My name a plea on her lips as a single tear slips down her face as she lifts shaking arms to me, as if in supplication.

There is no thought, I am already on my feet, wrapping her in my arms as she clings to me.

She shudders in my arms and I can feel her spirit breaking from within.

"I have you, Rey." My fingers stroke her hair, pressing her closer to me. "You can let go. It's okay. I have you."

_I will always be here to catch you when you fall. _

Racking sobs as she clings to me, the force of her tears making her body shake as I hold her closer. I want to scream at the universe for putting her through such torment, but all I can do is offer her my strength instead.

"Please," a ragged word even she continues to cry as though her world is breaking, "please don't go...please."

I close my eyes. The pain of the saber cutting through my flesh was easier to bear than to hear her broken pleading.

"I will never leave you Rey," _I will do anything you ask if you will only stop hurting, _"I will _always _be here for you."

Her fingers dig into my arms as she cries harder.

"Don't cry," I whisper, pulling wet strands from her face, "I'm here. You won't ever be alone again, I promise."

I keep whispering those same words, over and over again until her tears are no longer so harsh and I feel her shaking lessen. I continue to stroke her hair, willing my strength to flow into her, to give her what she needs.

I don't know how long we stay there, the two of us, but I would have held her until the stars themselves burned out.

Eventually her tears fade and she goes quiet in my arms. The sky above us turns malevolent as thunder rolls in the distance.

A storm was coming up quickly and my Rey was unprotected out here in the middle of the wastelands.

A sharp crack of thunder and I see red lightning streak the sky and still I cannot disturb what small peace she has found.

"Thank you."

I nearly missed the words as thunder shakes the very air around us. I look down at her. Her eyes are closed and I can see where her tears have carved paths down her face, but there are no more lines of pain.

Not anymore.

I don't know what she is thanking me for but my response is already forthcoming.

"You're welcome."

I feel the kiss of electricity as lightning turns the sky crimson. Rey opens her eyes at that exact moment.

Grief has given way to calm and I am once more caught by the glow in her eyes.

She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her strength astounds me, even as she shatters, she rebuilds herself.

The sky roars and the ground shudders beneath its fury just as the skies open up on us.

I'm already pulling the edges of my cloak around Rey. Despite the waterproofing, she is already beginning to shake in my arms and we are both soaked within seconds.

She needs to get inside, her clothing isn't enough protection against a mild rain let alone this storm.

I'm already opening my mouth to tell her to find shelter when I just catch the flash of glitter in her eyes.

Her fingers wrap around the loose folds of my cloak and I am unprepared when she pulls me down, slamming her mouth against mine.

Dark fire sweeps into me, her tongue tangling with mine in stark possessiveness that threatens to break my will.

I crush her in my arms, no longer caring about the rain, or the chill.

Only the woman in my arms.

_Mine. You were born to be mine. _

But she only allows me a brief taste of her desire before she pulls away just as quickly.

Her fingers are still clenching the folds of my cloak and her eyes of full of amber flames.

"You," she tells me with a fierce yearning that had I been standing, would have brought me to my knee's, "are _not _my peace. You are both my heaven and hell."

Before I can think, before I can even react, she is pushing away from me. I have barely time to catch myself from falling when she dances out of my reach.

Red lightning streaks the sky as Rey stands before me like some beautiful, primal goddess given human form.

"I still don't have an answer," I can hear the frustration and beyond that, a sense of steel in her voice, "but...I don't _ever _give up. I fight for what I want."

Fire in her eyes as she looks at me that sizzles across my senses, making me aware of nothing but her, "I guess that includes you."

She turns and disappears into the fury of the storm, the sheets of rain obscuring her from my view.

I'm already on my feet, ready to run after her...to demand an explanation behind that provocative declaration...

...and I find myself back in the stark chambers on Pralis Six. The pool of water at my feet the only evidence of where I had been.

I clench my fist even as I fling my sodden cloak from my shoulders. I would have to have a droid come clean up this mess, I was in no mood to explain why I had a soaking wet floor in an underground base.

"Run Rey," I whisper even as I head for the bathroom to shake the chill from my bones...and the lust that still runs rampant in my blood, "but I will _always _find my way back to you."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: **So this chapter is a little different. It's going to be split into two parts and you'll understand why after you read. So without further ado...enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Love it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

I sipped lightly at my drink, trying hard not to show my disgust as the bitter, green liquid hit my tongue.

Tammorian juice, the _only _thing this bar sold that wasn't laced with alcohol or drugs.

I was here because I was chasing down the last component I needed to fix Luke's broken saber.

A dealer named Praksis was suppose to meet me here. He sold unusual parts that he collected from all corners of the galaxy, but was damn hard to find.

Mainly because most of the stuff he sold was illegal and had a tendency not to stick around one spot for too long.

The only reason I found him was because of Maz Kanata.

I take another sip of the bitter liquid as the memory of _that _particular meeting replay's itself in my head.

_"So what does Rey of Jakku want with this old woman?"_

_ I had secured a holofeed so we could talk, but I had to make this short. Maz was still on Empheria and I was taking a chance that this channel wasn't being hacked right now by the First Oder or those who were on their side._

_ I held up a single, detailed drawing._

_ "I need this piece. Do you know someone who has it?"_

_ "Hmm," I see her put on her goggles as she stares at the paper I hold, "a kyber crystal holder if I'm not mistaken."_

_ It shouldn't surprise me that she knows what this is, but it does. She gives me a chuckle and leans back._

_ "Yeah, I know someone who might have the piece. Why?"_

_ "Maz," desperation in my voice, "I don't have time for twenty questions. Can you help me or not?"_

_ She sighs as she pulls off her goggles and takes a drink of some beverage in her hand. "Young people these days, no manners at all."_

_ I grit my teeth and remember how difficult it can be to get a straight answer out of her. "Maz, I'm sorry. I'm trying to repair Master Skywalker's lightsaber. This is the last piece."_

_ "Is that so? Well the person you're looking for is called Praksis. A shifty _drydil _if ever I saw one. Deals mostly in the hard-to-find, often illegal, parts."_

_ "Great, where can I find him?"_

_ "Never in one spot for long, but last I heard he was on Pralis Six."_

_ Maz puts down her beverage and gives me an enigmatic smile._

_ "First Order world, that one. Go to a bar named _Kemora's Secret, _order a drink of tammorian juice." _

_ "Why?"_

_ "Thought you didn't have time for questions?"_

_ I count to ten and let out a breath. "Right. Pralis Six, tammorian juice. Dealer named Praksis. Anything else I should know?"_

_ "Be careful there Rey," she tells me with a gleam in her dark eyes, "you may find more than what you seek."_

I swirled my drink, wondering how long I could pretend to sit here waiting for this dealer to show up.

"Hey little beauty, buy you another drink?"

It takes me a second to realize that rough voice is talking to me. I turn to see a male, human, sliding into the seat next to me.

I have never seen a human with hair so pale it was nearly white. It was a shock against the dark tan of his skin, especially with the stubble around his jaw. He was smiling at me with an ease that told me he was used to dealing with women.

Too bad that smile didn't reach his exotic, golden eyes. He was dressed in a faded blue shirt, pushed back from his arms to reveal twin black cuffs around his wrists.

"No." I tell him, taking a deliberate sip from the glass, just to show I already have a drink.

"Too bad. But I guess it takes a certain kind of person to drink tammorian juice."

I put the cup down slowly. There was no way he could know what I was drinking...unless someone had told him.

"Praksis?"

A smile that reveals very white teeth.

"One of but many names I choose to go by. Might I have the pleasure of knowing your name beautiful one?"

The charm in his voice might have worked on other women, but it just made me grit my teeth in annoyance.

"Rey."

"A last name to go with that?"

"No," I tell him shortly, "just Rey."

"Delighted to make your acquaintance. Maz didn't mention that my contact would be so stunning a creature."

I roll my eyes and take another sip, just to give myself a minute so I don't do something stupid.

Like punch him.

"You know Maz?"

He waves a hand at me and takes his drink, a pale gold liquid, from the bar tender.

"Does anyone really know someone? But yes," he adds when I just glare him, "let us say that I know her."

"Did she tell you why I'm here?"

"Oh I already know why you're here."

I give him a sharp look and he gives me that charming smile that still leaves his eyes cold.

"You're here because you want something that is hard to obtain, probably illegal, and I'm the best there is at getting such items of value."

"Uh huh," I tell him, sounding bored. I didn't want him to know just how badly I needed this part. "Have you seen this before?"

I pull out the drawing I have and let him get a look at it.

"Hmmm, well this is a bit of a relic..._very _hard to obtain."

"So you've seen one. Do you have it?"

"Perhaps."

I'm about to ask him what he means by that, but something was stirring up the crowd.

_Rain coated in ice...the caress of darkness, a trail of fire in its wake..._

My fingers clench around the glass, the wash of heat making my skin burn and my mouth go dry. Butterflies take wing in my blood as adrenaline kicks in.

Only one person has the ability to touch me like this.

"Looks like a Corellian."

"Looks like trouble to me."

I turn in my seat and the breath slams out of me.

For a moment I thought I was looking at Han Solo...but it wasn't.

It was Ren.

But he didn't look like the Kylo Ren I knew. He was dressed in a gray shirt pushes up to the elbows and tucked into black leather pants. The slightly scuffled boots he wore came to just below his knees. The black vest he wore open showed the blaster strapped to the left side of his hip.

His dark, raven hair was pushed back off of his face in roguish disarray and I could practically feel the energy coming from him as his eyes swept the room, a bored look on his face. He walked down the few steps as though he owned the place.

"I'm looking for Praksis."

A whisper of darkness in his voice, violence and power with more than a touch of arrogance in it.

There wasn't a single face that didn't turn in the direction of his voice.

I saw the hungry glances in the women as they stared at him, the males narrowed their eyes and begin to wonder who he was...and how they could take him down.

"Someone you know?"

I blinked, having forgotten Praksis completely, my attention held by Ren.

"What makes you say that?" I ask him, keeping my word cool.

"The look in your eyes. Ex-boyfriend or something like that?"

"Something like that."

I could feel the tension in Praksis and knew he was ready to bolt because of Ren.

Since I didn't know yet if he had the part I was looking for, I needed to do something quick.

_Well since he already suspects I know Ren..._

I turn my attention back to Ren, I don't think he's seen me yet.

"Well, well look what the Rathan dragged in." I pitch my voice to carry and see his head snap in my direction.

I slide off of my seat and move towards his direction, weaving through the tables until I am only a few inches from him.

I let the scarf I was wearing earlier slide down to my neck so he can get a good look at me.

"Hello Ben."

"Rey?"

Confusion in his voice and I lift an eyebrow at him.

"Oh good, you do remember me."

His eyes darken at my sweet tone just before I haul back and slap him hard across the face.

The resounding crack snaps his head back and the silence in the room is so quiet I could hear the mice scurrying across the floor.

"Didn't think I would remember did you? That's for that stunt you pulled on Darvis Four."

His hand lifts to his face, the red mark I left quite vivid.

I put my hands on my hips and lift my chin to him.

I prayed he knew me as well I hoped he did and would realize what I was about.

"Still mad about that after all this time?"

Purring darkness in his voice that turns my blood to honey even as I give him my most aggrieved stare.

"Yes I am. What's it to you?"

His arm catches me around my waist, pulling me hard up against him.

"Ben!" I shove at his chest, "You can't talk your way out of this, not this time!"

"So I won't."

His mouth is on mine and there is nothing feigned about my response as his tongue tangles with mine, his fingers digging into my hips.

I moan, softly, into his mouth as my fingers tangle in hair. I break away, up on the tip of my toes as I run my lips over the side of his jaw.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper harshly into his ear, keeping his head next to mine.

"I could ask the same of you." He whispers back, taking a sharp nip on my ear.

Lightning in my veins, delicious heat that pools low in my body.

I let go of him, shoving at his chest lightly and he releases his hold on me.

There are more than few sounds of laughter at our 'reunion' and the people turn away from us, just as I hoped they would.

He folds his arms across his chest, a smug look in his eyes at he stares down at me.

"Still angry with me?" he purrs at me and I fuss with my scarf and bite my lip, watching the people around us. Still a few curious stares, mostly from the women, but not much else.

Good.

"Yes," I reply giving him a slow smile, "but since I already have what you're looking for, I'm starting to feel better."

I turn and walk away knowing that he'll have to follow me after that bit of information I threw his way.

I move back to Praksis who was watching our little drama with interested eyes.

"So, where were we?" I ask as I slide back into my seat and look at my drink and take a delicate sniff before pushing it away.

"First, tell me what that was about."

I shrug my shoulders, his eyes leaving my face to glance at my chest, before returning. There is a gleam in his eyes that I do not like.

"Old business that needed to be resolved."

"Quite dramatically I might add. Just what did he do to you?"

"Nothing that warrants retelling. So I'm going to ask one more time; where were we?"

His eyes roam my face before that oh-so-charming smile returns to his lips.

"I believe we were coming to a deal fair one."

"Were we? I don't recall you telling me what I wanted to hear."

"I may have acquired the piece your looking for."

All of this dancing around was giving me headache but I had given myself a part to play and now I needed to stick with it_._

_ "_How much to take it off of your hands?"

His hand slides along my leg and I stiffen, ice coating my blood.

"Perhaps we can discuss terms...elsewhere. Not everything I sell needs to be bought with credits."

Before I can tell where he can shove that particular offer, his hand is pulled off of me and shoved behind his back.

Praksis is cursing with vivid creativity before the pain cuts off his ability to speak momentarily.

"She doesn't like to be touched."

I look up at Ren, his scent drowning me as he glares at Praksis.

I can hear his bones grinding beneath the cuffs he wears.

"Ow! Ow! My mistake!"

I touch Ren's arm, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath my hand.

"You can let him go, I don't need you to protect me. I can do that myself."

Both men look at me and I glance down.

A dark smile comes to Ren's eyes as he see's the blaster I have leveled at Praksis stomach from beneath the ledge of the bar.

"Just who are you?" Praksis asks as he rubs the wrist Ren just released.

"Praksis, Ben. Ben, Praksis. Introductions done."

"Ben? Just Ben?" Praksis sighs and orders another drink, "what is it with people and no last names these days?"

Ren shoots me a dark look but I just lean back in my chair, giving him a cool smile.

"Now that's over with, can we get down to serious business. I have other places I would rather be than here."

"Oh as you wish, though it pains me to me to be denied your sweet company."

A soft, near inaudible growl from Ren who hasn't left my side.

That soft, feminine part of me is delighted with his anger and I holster my weapon, knowing that Ren will rip Praksis in two if he so much as looks at me wrong.

"Do you have the piece or not?"

"Yes, hard to come by as it is."

"No doubt. Two hundred credits."

"Perhaps I was wrong about the piece if that's the price your offering. Eight hundred credits. I'm being generous."

I give a soft snort of laughter at his words.

"As you said, it's a relic. Two hundred and fifty."

"Which makes it valuable because of its age. Seven hundred and sixty."

"Yes but as you said, hard to come by, which means it can't be used by many. Three hundred and twenty."

"Ah but the right person would be _very _interested in it's use. Six hundred and forty."

"What does he have that is of interest to you Rey."

I see the smile slip from Praksis as Ren cuts into our bargaining. I look up at him, the bored look on his face not fooling me for a moment.

"Why should I tell you?" I ask lightly as though this entire exchange means nothing to me.

"Humor me."

"Convince me and I might tell you."

He lifts a raven eyebrow at me and I give him a wicked smile.

His fingers are already tilting my chin up and I open my mouth beneath his, breathing his air, letting him set my blood afire.

He pulls away and I can feel my lips curving.

"Not bad," I murmur as I lift the paper from the small pouch at my waist, "though I'm still not certain you deserve to see this."

He pulls the paper from my fingers and studies it. I order another drink from the bar tender, still the damn juice.

I sip at it, promising myself a cold glass of water when all of this was done just so I could rid myself of the taste.

_Or maybe, _I study Ren beneath my lowered lids, _I'll just kiss Ren again. I'd rather taste him than this stuff. _

"You're wasting your time," he tells me handing me back the paper, "he's either lying or it's in bad shape. You were always too trusting Rey."

"Well I trusted you," I tell him with sweet venom, "and look where that got me."

"The part is real and in working order," Praksis tells me, the charm no longer in his voice, "I should know. I've handled it."

"Then you'll also note it's illegal to sell on any world under the First Order's rule."

Ren's voice, cold and ruthless, a dark glitter in his eyes as he looks at the now slightly pale Praksis.

He leans over, plucking the glass from my hands and takes a sip.

I give him a sour look when he doesn't even so much as twitch an eyebrow at the taste of it.

"Well, yes, there is that consideration."

Considering all the stormtroopers I saw in the city finding my way here, I am amazed he showed up at all.

I see the sweat gather on Praksis brow and he turns to be with a slightly more benign look on his face.

"Since you seem to be willing to...ah...carry such an item I suppose I have no choice but to sell it to you. Four hundred, last offer."

I pretend to think about it and look at Ren, who is still holding my juice.

A slight tip of his head as he hands it back to me.

"Fine, four hundred credits. Where's the part?"

"Where's the money?"

I dig into my pouch and lift out four credits, each marked with a one hundred symbol.

I see the greed in his eyes as reaches for the money. I snatch my hand back, closing a fist around it.

"While my associate," I tip my head to Ren, "may think I'm too trusting, I'm not foolish. You'll get your money when I get my part."

He downs his drink and sets it back on the table.

"Yes, yes, alright. Meet me in the warehouse district just after the seventh bell. You'll get your part then."

"Why the wait?" I demand, wondering if he's somehow trying to deceive me, "why not go there now?"

"Because," he tells me with a lofty sigh, "that's when _I'll _have it. So you can either wait for the seventh bell...or go find yourself another dealer who can get you the part."

Since it had taken me a month, and Maz's connection, to get me this one I had no choice.

"Fine," I reply in bored tone, "Seventh bell. You had better be there."

A nod of his head before he turns his attention to the male at my side.

"So...Ben was it? What invaluable item can I offer you today."

"Not an item. Information."

I look at Ren, trying hard not to be curious, but the pointed look he gives me tells me it's not working.

So I turn back to Parksis, who doesn't seem surprised by the request.

"You sell information?"

"For the right price, I can sell you anything you desire."

I ignore the innuendo in his voice, not in the least bit attracted to him.

Not with Ren standing right next to me.

I take another sip of my juice, not because I like the damn stuff...but because Ren sipped from it and I cover my mouth over the same spot he used.

A stolen kiss, as the saying goes.

Both men are silent and I wonder why...until I realize they're both looking at me.

Ren with exasperation in his obsidian eyes and Parksis with bored amusement in his golden ones.

"What?" I look up at Ren and give him an indolent smile, "don't trust me with your secrets?"

"I still remember the last secret I gave you. It didn't stay secret long."

I give a theatrical sigh but his tone tells me that he isn't going to say anything about why he is here until I leave.

"One slip of the tongue and you hold it against me." I grouse even as I toss a single credit on the table for the drink.

I slide off of my chair but Ren refuses to move and I have brush past him, the heat of his body a sensual kiss to my own.

The look in his eyes tells me he knows _exactly _what he's doing to me.

I trail a single finger over his jawline and leave a parting shot.

"Try not to rip out his tongue, Ben, if he makes you mad like the last one. I still have business with him."

I look over my shoulder to see the whites of Parksis's eyes as give him a wicked smile.

Serves him right for the way he talked to me earlier.

"Wait for me. This won't take long."

I flick my gaze back to Ren and give him a jaunty smile.

"Maybe." I tell him and move towards the exit.

I can feel Ren's burning gaze on the back of my neck and I can't stop the sway of my hips as I walk away.

The women give me envious, hate-filled looks as the men quickly pull their legs out of my path as I gently keep my finger on the release of my blaster.

I make it out of the bar and turn down the alley, my legs shaking as I try to get my nerves back under control.

I just flirted outrageously with Kylo Ren and I still had several more hours to go before I could leave this planet.

Maz was right. I found more that what I originally sought...and I was in way over my head with him.

_To be continued..._


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: **Update and I didn't make you wait a week! Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews! I hope I live up to your expectations! Just as a reminder, this is a two-part installment so it will read in four parts.

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Love it? Hate?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

"Sir?"

I look up from the datapad in my hand at the familiar voice. Lieutenant Eusebia, waiting at attention for me to respond. Since I've been here for over two weeks she knows well enough not to bother me unless it is important.

"Speak Lieutenant."

"A pirate signal was intercepted on the holofeed. Our cipher's have yet to trace the origin of the message but we have the receiver and part of the message they sent out. I thought this would be of use to you Sir."

She hands me the chip and I slide it into the port on my device.

Word appear on the screen, I scroll quickly and note the sender; Maz Kanata. Her castle was destroyed a year ago and our spies know she relocated to Empheria on the Outer Rim but has been inactive since then.

The other name sharpens my interest immediately.

"Praksis."

Also known as Anu'ul Semorn.

I look up at Eusebia who give a sharp nod of her head. "Correct, as you can see he's headed here under Maz Kanata's instructions. He suppose to be meeting someone at a bar in the slums of the city."

Anu'ul Semorn dealt in secrets, knowledge that is highly classified...or so ancient as to be myth and sold only for the right price.

Praksis, another alias he goes by, deals in illegal contraband. Mostly rare and hard-to-find items.

He plays both the First Order and the Resistance and if Maz was asking for his help it must be important.

It also happened that I was looking for him. However the male had the irritating ability to spot First Order spies with unerring accuracy.

"I'll handle this personally."

"I'll have troops surrounding the bar..."

She snaps her mouth shut when I hold up my hand.

"No, I want all troops pulled away from the district. Let him think he's safe. I'll go there myself and meet up with him."

"But Sir you..." I let my eyes speak volumes and I see her quickly rethink her words, "will be recognized."

Perhaps Kylo Ren will be recognized but I had a thought about that.

"The Corellian ship is still in holding?"

"Yes Sir," she answers me slowly, a puzzled look on her face at my question, "still being processed as we speak."

"Good. That will be all Lieutenant."

I stare at the mirror, a reluctant truth staring back at me. The clothing from the smugglers ship fit rather well.

"Well dad," I murmur as I push back the sleeves to my elbows, "if only you could see me now."

I no longer wore the mantle of a Sith Warrior. Instead I stared at an image that looked nearly identical to Han Solo.

My Corellian blood-line was hard to miss in these clothes. Considering where I was headed, that was the idea.

Spies had reported seeing a man who resembled a known image of Praksis in the city and it was time for me to go and get answers from him.

One way or another.

The smell of stale alcohol and unwashed bodies hit me as soon as I entered the underground stairway leading to _Kemora's Secret. _It had taken little effort to find the place and as soon as I entered, I knew why Maz had chosen this location.

A cacophony of voices filtered through the air. Humans and other species intermingled as a sea of bodies pressed together.

Despite the image in my mind, I could not detect right away the one I sought.

The threat of violence swirled around me, eyes turning in my direction as I entered this nest of vipers.

"Looks like a Corellian."

I note the male in the far corner, the one with the dirty patch over his eye.

"Looks like trouble to me."

The purr of a female voice close by.

The comments were loud enough that several more head turned in my direction, most of the gazes hostile.

Time to pull the fangs from the snake.

I used their interest to my advantage and add a touch of Force to my voice.

"I'm looking for Praksis."

A sharp spike of fear that should be easy to follow.

A_n elusive flower, sensual and evocative...the kiss of heat with a taste of sunlight..._

The blood in my veins beats a fiery pulse beneath my skin, the hot burn of desire tightening my body until I can practically taste her in the air.

Only one woman has this effect on me.

"Well, well look what the Rathan dragged in."

Scornful words filled with a sexual heat that has me snapping my head around to find her, when unexpectedly, she comes to me.

My heartbeat is a thunderous roar in my mind and I can only stare at the woman who weaves her way through the crowd with practiced ease.

It's Rey.

But not the Rey I've come to expect.

_This _Rey is wearing a sleeveless black top that molds to her body with a lover's attention, tucked into snug, black leather pants that paint my vision a hazy red. The click of her boots on the floor is an erotic sound to my starved senses. Her hair is loose, flowing waves and I can see the strands of dark fire that she normally hides.

A kiss of crimson around her neck, the scarf she wears as it flutters freely down the slender column of her throat. I note the blaster at her right hip, the smaller one strapped to her left thigh.

She moves closer and I get a good look at her face, stealing the breath from my lungs in the process.

Her eyes are outlined in black, making the amber shimmer in the light, her lips a dusky rose that begged to be kissed.

The stark black of her clothes against her skin lends her a lethal kind of beauty.

"Hello Ben."

The name she uses is a sensual tease on her lips but her eyes tell me a different story.

There is a soft pleading in them, a sense of need.

"Rey?"

Her name, a question between us at what I glimpse in her gaze.

"Oh good, you do remember me."

The biting sweetness of her words is my only warning before I feel the hard slap of her palm across my face.

Pain blossoms across my cheek and jerks my head back with the force of her temper.

The silence in the room is absolute. Anticipation a heavy weight in the air.

I turn my head back to Rey, the pain a vicious throb, but my attention is on the woman before me.

"Didn't think I would remember did you? That's for that stunt you pulled on Darvis Four."

Considering I have never set foot on Darvis Four, I understand the plea in her eyes better now.

It seems she has given me a role to play in her reason for being on Pralis Six.

I reach up and touch the mark on my face, the pain a vivid truth that she was _here _with me and not a spectral image made up by our Bond.

If she wants to play this out then I will gladly indulge her.

But on my terms.

"Still mad about that?"

I let my control slip just a fraction, let her taste the keen edge of my desire she has stirred...along with unapologetic arrogance that only a Corellian can pull off.

I see her eyes dilate slightly, the flush of color along her cheekbones but she lifts her chin to me, her hands on her hip in a pose that screamed 'outraged female' to everyone watching us.

I had no doubt that _all _eyes were watching now to see how our little drama plays out.

"Yes I am," cool words with a touch of asperity, "what's it to you?"

Fire in her gaze, challenge in her words.

A sane man would be making words of apologies right about now.

It was a good the galaxy thought all Corellians were insane then.

I pull her to me, my fingers sliding over the smooth leather at her hips, the heat of her body as it presses into mine a heady rush of pleasure that is almost painful.

"Ben!" Shock and simmering anger in that one word. She struggles in my arms and the press of her curves against certain parts of my body have me gritting my teeth in an effort not to simply lay her flat against the nearest surface I find.

Her hands on my chest, trying to shove me away but with little effect.

"You can't talk your way out this, not this time!"

"So I won't."

Her lips part, no doubt a blistering retort on her tongue, but I'm already slanting mine over hers.

Tasting her, _taking _her mouth like I have every right.

There is nothing gentle in my touch, my fingers digging into her hips, pulling her lower body hard against mine so she can feel just what she's doing to me.

That soft, needy sound she makes, her fingers in my hair only add to the conflagration she's building in me.

Her mouth pulls abruptly away from mine but she leaves a trail of fire as her lips slide across my jaw.

Her fingers are still buried in my hair, making sure I can't pull away.

"What are you doing here?"

A harsh whisper, her breath in my ear that strokes fire down my spine.

I turn my head slightly so that my voice will only be heard by her.

"I could ask the same of you." and because my blood is still raging, I nip at her ear, a sensual punishment.

The sudden tremble of her body against mine makes me want to do it again.

Except she's already pulling away, the shove of her hands is more of a caress across my chest.

The muted laughter in the room has taken away the air of violence I felt earlier and I reluctantly let her go.

The flush on her face, her lips swollen from my attention has me folding my arms over my chest, satisfied that I have marked her for my own.

"Still angry with me?"

She fusses with her scarf as though resettling it and I see her eyes dart around the room.

A touch of Force-sense tells me the attention has moved away from us...and the fear I felt earlier from someone in this room has faded.

She lifts her lashes to look at me, molten amber and a slow smile on her mouth that leaves me off-balance.

"Yes," lilting voice filled with sensual smugness, "but since I already have what you're looking for, I'm starting to feel better."

My lust-induced senses take a moment to wake up my brain to understand her message.

I had come here looking for Praksis, instead I had found Rey.

Who was already in contact with my quarry.

_So you're the one Maz sent him to meet. _

Which begged the question, what did Rey need so badly that she would risk coming to a world controlled by the First Order.

She turns away from me, once more weaving her way through the crowd, as though done with me.

The sway of her hips has more than my eyes watching her with avid attention.

I am already off the steps when I see a male from a table she has just passed reaching up to touch the curve of her backside in those tight, leather pants.

I have my blaster resting on his temple before he can complete the gesture.

"Touch her," I tell him softly, pitching my voice so she will not hear, "and we'll see what your brains look like from the outside of your skull."

A bead of sweat slides down his face as he lowers his shaking hand.

"M-Meant nothing by it."

The acrid tang of fear coming from him has me holstering the blaster as I once more turn in search of Rey.

She is seated at the bar with a male who has nearly white hair against tanned skin.

The mental image I have of my prey matches the man I see with her.

I thought to let her conclude her business with him, it would give me an understanding of what brought her here, until I see her jerk away when his hand touches her thigh moving inward.

A red haze falls over my eyes and I am already wrenching his hand off of her.

No one had the right to put their hands on her.

Except me.

His blustering irritates me and I put a little more pressure on his wrist, the sound of the small bones grinding together a pleasant one.

"She doesn't like to be touched."

He moves his head to look at me and I let him see the promise of death in my eyes.

"Ow! Ow! My mistake!"

Somehow I doubt that. Perhaps a more permanent solution is needed.

Gentle pressure on my arm. Sunlight and flowers brush across my senses as I feel Rey's fingers on my skin.

"You can let him go," she tells me in a coaxing voice but I keep my grip on his wrist as he lets out a groan and coaxing gives way to caustic exasperation, "I don't need you to protect me. I can do that myself."

I look at her even as Praksis turns his head and she glances down.

I follow her gaze...to see the blaster she had strapped her her hip resting across her thighs, her finger on the trigger.

Pointing directly at Praksis. At that angle she could blow a hole straight through his spine.

A slow and immeasurably painful way to die.

I settle my gaze back to her and she lift a single, tawny eyebrow in my direction.

There was something enticing about seeing a woman with a blaster.

I let go of his wrist, acceding to her demand.

"Just who are you?" A sour look on the dealer's face even as he rubs his abused appendage. I can already see the bruise forming beneath the cuff he wears.

Considering where he had that particular hand, he's lucky I left it attached.

"Praksis, Ben." Boredom in Rey's voice, "Ben, Praksis. Introductions done."

I cannot help the glare I level at Rey when she uses _that _name to answer for me.

The cool, amused smile on her lips is her response.

Despite my annoyance with the name, dark pleasure thrums in my veins at her smile.

"Now that's over with, can we get down to serious business. I have other places I would rather be than here."

So would I. Preferably with her at my side.

Praksis takes a long swallow of his drink before pushing it away and turning back to Rey.

"Oh as you wish, though it pains me to be denied your sweet company."

Shallow words if not for the compulsion I heard buried beneath it. Not a touch of the Force, but something else.

There were a few species who could manipulate emotional behavior and it seemed he had that particular gift.

It explained why he was able to elude capture for so long.

But that is not why my temper slips the leash and the soft menace that emerges from me is aimed at the male.

He is trying to use it on Rey.

Who seems unimpressed by both his words and manners.

I catch the barest curve of her lips at the sound I make and see her slip the blaster back in its sheath.

I listen, with half an ear, to the bargaining now taking place between them. I am more interested in their body language.

Rey, despite the half-bored inflection in her voice, is thrumming with tension. I can see it in the way she plays with that glass of liquid, the subtle change in her breath as she pauses between her words.

Praksis, on the other hand, is in no hurry to complete this bargain. He is deliberately stringing her along for whatever amusement it brings him.

We'll see how much 'fun' he'll have with me.

"What does he have that is of interest to you Rey."

For a moment I catch the flash of hate in his eyes as Rey turns away from him without a second thought and back to me.

"Why should I tell you?"

Boredom and just a hint of wariness as she speaks, keeping up the pretense that I am not entirely welcome in her company.

Our eyes clash and I return her wariness with a touch of arrogance.

"Humor me."

Fire in her gaze now, burning amber touched by gold.

"Convince me," lilting words, a sensual challenge that spikes adrenaline in my blood, "and I might show you."

I lift an eyebrow, silently asking if she really wants to tease me this way.

The wicked smile that blooms on her mouth is my answer.

I am already tilting her face up, more than a little possessive with my touch as I catch her lips with mine.

Lush softness, sweetly yielding as I take her breath for my own. I trace the delicate seam of her mouth with my tongue, feel the race of her pulse.

I lift my mouth from hers.

Bewitching eyes and that playful smile that curves her lips meet my gaze.

"Not bad," dry words that belied the delicate blush staining her skin as she hands a familiar piece of paper to me, "though I'm still not certain you deserve to see this."

It was the the detailed drawing of the crystal cradle I made, and left, for her. I had wondered if that bit of Force manipulation would actually work. It seemed I had guess correctly.

I also know now why she is here.

I look down to see Rey sipping at a drink, the flicker of her eyes telling me it is not one she enjoys.

I also catch the smoldering look from beneath the fringe of her lashes as she glances in my direction.

I need to finish this, now, before I lose my ability to think about anything other than where I want her mouth on me.

"You're wasting your time," I hand her back the drawing, cool anger in my voice, "he's either lying or it's in bad shape."

His body language does not suggest he's lying and his reputation wouldn't allow a man like him to sell inferior part.

The look I give Rey is one of amused condescension, "You were always too trusting."

"Well I trusted you," sultry words soaked in venom, "look where that got me."

"The part is real _and _in working order," Praksis cuts in, the sharp edge of his anger brushing against my senses, "I should know. I've handled it."

I had rather hoped he would be foolish enough to disclose that piece of information.

I turn, unwillingly, my attention away from Rey and back to the dealer.

"Then you'll also note it's illegal to sell on any world under the First Order's rule."

For just a moment I let the mask of Kylo Ren slip back into place as I stare him down.

A delicate, subtle use of the Force as I exert pressure over his throat, cutting off his air for a fraction of a second.

His skin turns pale beneath the dark hue.

It is gone just as quickly and I pluck the glass from Rey's fingers.

I am rather curious as to what she is drinking and it will give Praksis time to wonder just who, or what, he is dealing with.

The bitter liquid hits my tongue and I swallow before my throat can close up against the taste.

Tammorian juice, though not as potent as the one mother used to serve at the breakfast table.

Rey gives me a look of utter disgust as I swirl the contents of the glass.

"Yes," Praksis clears his throat, "well there is that to consider."

The subtle shift in his body tell me that he has realized the rules of the game have changed.

He is no longer the one in charge.

I am.

He turns a less provocative smile towards Rey and already I feel his fear pressing against me.

"Since you seem to be willing to...ah...carry such an item I suppose I have no choice but to sell it to you. Four hundred, last offer."

She doesn't answer right away, leaning back in her chair as though considering his words. She turns to me, her eyes on the drink I stole from her and I see the question in her gaze beneath the pretext of wanting it back.

_Is it real? _

I hand it back to her, our fingers brushing against one another, and I give just a slight tip of my head.

_Yes. Take it. _

She turns her attention back to Praksis, agreeing with the price and once more they fire barbed words at each other.

I see Rey flash her money and before I can warn her about doing anything stupid, like giving it to him without having the part, she snatches her hand back.

"While my associate," a nod in my direction and my temper sours at the term, I am more than just an _association, _"thinks I'm too trusting, I'm not foolish. You'll get your money when I get my part."

Praksis finishes off his drink keeping both of us in his line of sight.

He wants Rey to meet him in the warehouse district on the the seventh bell.

The warehouse district was exactly what the name implied and there were dozens, if not hundreds, of places to store items without being discovered.

Rey, arguing about going there now instead of waiting. Mistrust in her eyes and tone.

"Because," he tells her in a lofty tone that doesn't hide his growing anger, "that's when _I'll _have it. So you can either wait for the seventh bell," his body language shifts again and there is no longer fear, only inflated self-importance now "...or go find yourself another dealer who can get you the part."

"Fine," she fires back, haughty condescension dripping from the word, "Seventh bell."

She looks over the rim of her glass at him, amber darkening to burnished copper, "you had better be there."

A promise of violence in her tone.

A quick nod of his head and the matter of crystal chamber is concluded.

It was time for him to deal with me now.

"So...Ben was it?" I see him falter over the name Rey had introduced me with, he has begun to suspect something about that, "what invaluable item can I offer you today?"

A disdainful smile that scrapes the wrong side of my temper. I have no desire to pander to his self-inflated importance.

"Not an item. Information."

I watch with dark amusement as the smile slowly drains from his face.

I can feel Rey's curiosity, a feathered caress across my mind and I turn to look at her.

The wide-eyed innocence she gives me is amusing but not the least bit convincing.

I know her too well to be fooled by that look.

She turns it on Praksis when I refuse to answer.

"You sell information?"

"For the right price, I can sell you anything you desire."

His attraction towards Rey borders on the obscene and the only reason I let him breathe is because of her reaction to him.

That bored look of disgust, as if she dealt with men making advances on her like this on a daily basis, and was singularly unimpressed by it.

She turns back to her drink and Praksis shifts his attention back to me but I am still watching Rey.

Seemingly unaware, she shifts the glass in her hand over to the spot where I took my own sip...and covers her mouth over the same spot.

Arousal has me by the throat, a living pulse in my body.

Praksis turns to see what has my attention just as she pulls the glass from her lips.

She looks up to see both of us watching her and she narrows her gaze at me.

"What," teasing indolence in the curve of her lips, "don't trust me with your secrets?"

Her mouth was going to get her into trouble. Especially when she used it to continuously test my self-control.

"I still remember the last secret I gave you. It didn't stay secret long."

_Get out of here Rey. This matter doesn't concern you._

The flare in her eyes tells me she heard my message, loud and clear.

"One little slip of the tongue," annoyance as she tosses money on the bar, "and you hold it against me."

She gives me a pointed look, expecting me to back off so she can get by.

But I still remember _exactly _where she put her mouth on the glass and refuse to move.

Her body slips against mine as she looks up at me. I don't hide the living need I have for her in my gaze.

Burning amber as she trails a delicate finger across my jawline, the kiss of lightning in her touch.

"Try not to rip out his tongue, Ben, if he makes you mad like the last one. I still have business with him."

The look she gives the dealer is filled with malicious amusement.

Praksis makes a choking noise but I barely hear him, my eyes only for the woman making me burn with such ease.

"Wait for me," I tell her, a demand rather than a request, "this won't take long."

Her eyes come back to rest on me, cool regard for my tone.

"Maybe." The curve of her lips might have been called a smile if not for the provocative challenge in it.

The sway of her hips as she walks away only sharpens my desire for her.

I turn away only after she disappears up the stairs that lead out of the underground bar.

Praksis is watching me with eyes filled with envy and hatred in equal measure.

"What information does a _Corellian,_" a sneer in his voice as he motions for the barman to refill his drink, "want from me? Codes to unlock a blockade so he can slip through undetected? The rate of spices being smuggled from Veris Nine so you can undercut your competition?"

I come to stand behind him and lean down, so that only my words reach his ear alone.

"Nothing so banal from _Anu'ul Semorn._"

The glass in his hand shatters as my hand comes down on his shoulder when he tried to leap out of his chair.

"I...I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talking about."

A whisper of pressure against my mine, trying to deflect my attention. To make me forget about him.

Paltry tricks that have no effect on one who is Sith trained.

"Oh, I think you do."

I increase the pressure on his shoulder even as I strip away the facade of a Corellian smuggler from my voice.

"Answer my question and do not attempt to lie to me."

"What have you to offer me in return?"

Ah, there it is. The compulsion, the greed that shapes his life.

My fingers dig between the soft spot where the shoulder and collarbone meet.

"Rey made me promise not to rip out your tongue," I tell him mildly and I feel him shudder in response, "but nothing else. So this is what I offer you; the ability to leave this planet intact. Or not."

"What do you...want to know?" A hissed out breath as I loosen the pressure, letting the blood return to muscle.

"I want you to tell me the location of Exegol."

_to be continued..._


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: **Update! Okay so this particular arc is proving to be a bit bigger than what I had anticipated so it's still being broken down into parts. I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has given me a review. I have over 70 and I am so grateful for your support!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Love it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

The late morning air hits me and I suck in a sharp breath, swearing I could see steam coming off my skin.

I thought that time in the cave with Ren would have prepared me for the reality of him but _nothing _could be farther from the truth.

My hand against my chest, feeling as though my heart was trying to break free, it was still pounding from our exchange.

I lean back against the wall, just a little ways from the entrance, trying to get the bones back into my legs.

Praksis had mentioned a seventh bell...I was going to have to find a local and figure out when that was. I bite my lip as I stared at the entrance.

Ren had told me, not asked me, to wait for him. The logical part of my brain that was just barely functioning was telling me to get the hell out of here before he came up those stairs and hide in my ship until I needed to get to the warehouse district.

My heart, that infernal thing, was whispering for me to stay.

To be with him.

To continue this dance of words between us and see where it led next.

My fingers touch my lips and I can still feel the heat of his mouth on mine.

Sounds of footsteps on the stairs and my time is up.

I cross my ankles and quickly lift the scarf back over my hair, the dark shadows from the neighboring building doing much to hide my presence.

I stare at my nails as though I have nothing better to do and peek out of the corner of my eye to see who emerges.

I could be wrong. It could just be another patron leaving the bar.

"Remember my words."

I close my eyes at the sound. Darkness with a caress of violence, the low thrum of his voice once more setting wings of fire through my blood.

I turn my head just enough to see Praksis stumble over the top step, the tan of his skin bleached out. There is a sheen of fear in his gold eyes that was not there before.

Ren is a dark shadow behind him, a strange light in his gaze.

I wondered what he had wanted with Praksis that he didn't want me knowing about.

"I...yes, of course."

"You were right," Ren turns his head in the direction of my voice and despite the shadows, I have no doubt he can see me, "that didn't take long."

Praksis is also staring at me, the charm of his smile missing, and I see him shudder softly.

Curious reaction but Ren is already moving to me and Praksis slinks off.

He isn't my concern now.

"You didn't leave."

A touch of wonder in his voice as I glance up from my nails and give him a faint, amused smile despite the fact that I was trying desperately to conceal my trembling body.

"Well since you _asked _me so nicely to stay..."

I don't get to finish. His mouth is on me, his body pinning me to the wall and all I can feel is him.

His arms wrap around me and I yield to his silent demands, opening my mouth as I burn for him.

Tongue and teeth, his leg sliding between mine and my fingers are in his hair.

Breath for breath, the _taste _of him all I need.

"Mmm," I gasp as he pulls his mouth from mine, "Re..." his mouth back on mine, stealing the words from my very lips.

His leg between mine, a delicious heat that is driving me to madness. I twist my foot and grab hold of his vest and reverse our positions, his back now slamming against the wall.

Our bodies part and I take in a gasping breath, a soft growl leaving his lips.

"As much as I am," I pant out using my weight to keep him pinned, shoving my leg between his, "enjoying this we need to talk."

Dark fire in his eyes, lust sharpening his features as I feel his hands curve around my hips, keeping our bodies close together.

I swallow hard as heat pools low in my body where I can feel him pressed against me.

I'm holding onto the rational side of my brain by bare inches.

We stare at each other, he and I, a silent battle of wills between us.

Slowly, he leans his head back against the wall, his eyes never leaving my face.

"So talk."

"What are you doing here?"

The words come out harsher than I wanted but I don't take them back.

Cool amusement creeps back into his gaze but he doesn't loosen his hold on me.

"On a world that has sworn fealty to the First Order? Do I need a reason to be here?"

I blow out a soft breath, okay he had a point there. He was the Supreme Leader and all...which makes me narrow my eyes at him.

"So why is the Sup-mmmh!"

Two of his fingers pressed against my lips before I can finish.

"Don't," soft, purring darkness in his voice, "say that title. Not here. Nor the name that goes with it."

Well, wasn't _that _interesting. Why would Kylo Ren tell me not to use his title or his chosen name?

I pull my head back, freeing his fingers from my lips.

"Fine. I won't say it, _Ben. _Were you looking for Praksis? Is that why you're here?"

His silence is my answer and I shake my head at him.

"Fine, keep your secrets. You obviously got what you came for."

Which meant there was no reason for him to stay...and the thought of him leaving is like knives through my heart.

My tight grip on him loosens and in that moment he uses my own trick against me.

"Ben!"

His fingers pin my hips against the wall, he's using his height over me to his advantage as he once more traps me beneath him.

"I know why you're here but I want to know this; are you alone?"

"Why?"

The press of his leg between mine, desire sparking along my nerves at the intimacy between us and I feel one of his hands move away from my hip.

He cups the side of my face, exasperation on his face.

"Do you always have to argue with me?"

"Yes," I reply before I can censure my words, "it's fun."

Disbelief on his face now but quickly slides into amusement.

His head dips down and he presses his mouth softly against mine.

Just a brief taste he gives me before pulling back.

This time I'm the one growling at him.

"Rey, just answer me. Are you alone?"

I sigh and lean my head back, closing my eyes.

"Yes. I came here alone."

"Good."

I snap them back open and he is looking at me with a curious light in his eyes.

I let go of his vest and slide my arms around his neck.

"What about you," I murmur, still amazed that he hasn't left, "are you alone?"

"For the time being, yes."

So many questions that begged for answers. I could either ask them and possibly drive him away...or I could take this opportunity and just be with him for how ever long it lasted.

It was almost frightening how easily I came to that decision.

"So...what now?"

I didn't know fire could burn black but that is what I see in his eyes.

"You still have time before you need to collect your item."

"Yeah, about that. I don't suppose you can tell me when exactly is the seventh bell?"

A twitch of his mouth and I swear he's laughing at me. I pull my arms from his neck and thump him on the chest.

"Ben! Don't tease me, tell me!"

Both of his hands capture mine and he presses his lips to my fingers.

"How could I refuse such an order?" He lifts his eyes to me and tugs me off of the wall. "Seventh bell comes at nightfall. You won't be able to mistake it."

I look up between the buildings, the patch of sky visible.

It was barely passed mid-morning. I had hours to kill.

"Great," I mutter, "so what do I do in the meantime?"

"I might have a solution for that."

I look back at the man who still holds my hands captive in his.

That fluttery feeling comes back with a vengeance.

"Oh," only a hint of wobble in the word, "what's that?"

If he was going to suggest _that..._part of me desperately wanted to say yes, to finally quell this tension that existed between us.

But another part me, the part that I kept hidden so I didn't get hurt by others, trembled with hesitation.

"Have you ever toured an open market in a city?"

It was a good thing he was holding onto me, because that was not what I was expecting and it left me off-balance.

"W-what?"

That glint in his eyes and I swear he's laughing at me again. I mentally shake myself and strap some steel to my spine.

"No I haven't...why?"

He releases one of my hands but keeps the other in his.

"Would you like to?"

I look at our clasped hands and wonder, yet again, why it feels so right.

"With you?"

"Yes, with me."

Open amusement in his voice and I have never seen this side of him.

Somehow lighter...playful even.

I cannot keep the grin from my face.

"Lead the way then."

"Wow...it really is a market."

I can't keep the astonishment out of my voice as Ben leads me out of the alley and through the twists and turns of the city until we came to his 'open market'. The streets had been cleared, the buildings so far apart that colorful tents had sprung up and there were people everywhere.

Talking, laughing, even a few raised voices here and there.

His hand was still clasped in mine but he seemed content to let me drag him along to every thing that caught my eye.

"Where do we start?"

"Anywhere you want."

"I..." whatever I was going to say was drowned out by a rather loud growl.

That came from my stomach.

I looked up at Ben, who blinked at the sound I just made, and I feel the blister of heat across my face.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Smug amusement in his voice and I just wanted the ground to open up on me right there and then.

"I..."

Another growl, this one even louder...and it wasn't from me.

This time I was the one blinking at Ben...and I see the slash of heat cut across his face.

The grin spreading on my face only darkened the shade on his.

"About the same time as you."

This time I was the one who felt smug superiority.

I opened my mouth to tease him some more, who knew he could blush like that, when the breeze shifted and a tantalizing smell drifted on it.

"Mmm...where is that coming from?"

A tug on my hand and I look back at Ben, who has his face turned from mine.

"This way. We should get some food first."

Laughter is bubbling up in me but I manage to choke it back, I don't want him to think I'm laughing _at _him and spoil the mood.

"Sure. Let's go."

We followed our noses to a small vendor who was selling some kind of meat on a stick in a dark sauce that made my mouth water just smelling it.

"What is that?"

We were standing in line behind some other people who obviously had food on their minds as well.

"Some local dish I would imagine."

"Ever eaten it before?"

"No."

His dubious tone made me laugh and tug him forward.

"Come one, where's your sense of adventure? If you don't like it we'll find something else."

A soft sigh, but he doesn't release my hand and I ordered a helping for both of us.

I was digging for some money when I saw Ben lean over and drop some credits into the vendor's outstretched hand.

"Hey! I can pay."

"Not when you're with me."

The look he gave me made me roll my eyes before I took a large bite into the meat.

"Oh...mmm..."

It was sweet the sauce, at first, but then I felt the bite of heat soon afterward.

I was already half-way through my stick when I stopped to look at Ben.

He was staring at me, a wry look on his face.

"What?" I asked, the stick in my hand partially raised.

He reached over and wiped the corner of my mouth, his thumb covered in sauce.

"You missed a spot."

"Oh," I leaned over and sucked the sauce from his thumb, the spice and salt from his skin a delicious combination, "there, all clean."

He hasn't moved and I glance up at him.

The breath halts in my lungs.

"You can't look at me like that."

The words are a strangled whisper in my throat.

"Then don't tempt me."

His voice rough with desire and I have to remember we're in a public place.

A sigh from him as he lifts his food to his mouth.

"Eat Rey. I'm not going to ravish you here on the street."

I nearly choke on my food, his cool tone disguising the meaning behind his words.

"Ben!"

He cocks an eyebrow at me and I glare at him, finishing my food in three bites.

"Still hungry?"

I toss my stick into a nearby receptacle.

"Yes, thirsty too. That sauce was spicy."

"You considered that spicy?"

"Well," I mutter, dragging him with me as I look for someone selling something to drink, "when you live off of field rations for a month, _anything _tastes spicy in comparison."

There, another vendor selling some kind of liquid in different colors. Considering the Tammorian juice was a lime green, I'm a little hesitant on drinking anything with color.

"Lose your sense of adventure?"

I look back at Ben and give him a sour look. "Oh, ha ha. Since I chose the food, _you _can choose the drink."

A shake of his head and he approaches the vendor, picking up two cups with a dark, red liquid in them.

I give it a faint sniff, smells like some kind of fruit, and give a mental shrug.

Couldn't be worse than the juice from the bar.

I take a cautious sip...and then I gulp down the contents in seconds.

A sweetness of berries on my tongue as the liquid fizzes in my mouth.

"That was great," I lick my lips and sigh over my empty cup, "what was that?"

The vendor rattles of something in a language I don't understand.

"He said its a mixture of local fruit that is soaked in spring water."

I look up at Ben, who is already replacing my empty cup with a new one.

"You understand him? How?"

"He's speaking Tuu'lukin. An off-shoot branch from Naboo."

A pause and he glances at me, his eyes a slight, far away look. "My mother taught me the language."

Leia taught him...and he still remembered.

I squeeze his hand and he finishes off the drink.

"Come on, there's more to see."

Mild words that belie the shadows I saw just now...but then he squeezed my hand and the shadows disappear.

I let him lead this time, not questioning the happiness I feel being here at his side.

"This is beautiful..."

I caught a glint from a table and moved over to look. There were metal cuffs with intricate details carved into them. Silver, platinum, gold and zinc copper. I could only name a few of the metals.

Next to them were leather cuffs, equally detailed, and just as expensive.

"The lady has a keen eye."

I look up at the trader, an old man with a weather beaten face and twinkling eyes. I liked him immediately and returned his smile.

"Did you make these?"

"I did. The cold months leave little else to do."

"Are they worn on the wrist?"

Some of them looked to be a bit large for wrists, even male ones.

The scent of rain and frost and I feel Ben's hand on my hip resting there as his shadow falls over me.

"What have you found Rey?"

I look up at him, watching the way the lazy sun plays off of his hair, a tender emotion I cannot name welling up in me.

"Ahh, to be young again."

I blink and turn away from Ben, looking at the old man who spoke.

He gives us both a genial smile and he turns his attention to the man at my side.

"Your lady was admiring the cuffs I make."

He picked up the silver one with geometric patterns on it.

"The larger ones are made to be worn on the upper arm, not the wrist."

I take the cuff from his proffered hands and study it.

It really was beautifully crafted but I couldn't figure out how it worked. I saw no clasps, no way to open it.

"Like this. Hold out your arm."

Ben takes the cuff from my hands and I do as he asked. His fingers slide up my arm, surrounded by the metal, a sensuous caress that makes me skin pebble in reaction.

He moves the cuff until it covers up the scar on my arm...a memento from Snoke's praetorian guard where they had cut me.

It was heavier than it looked.

Ben was frowning.

"What, doesn't suit me?" I teased him lightly knowing I couldn't afford something so beautiful.

He removes the silver cuff without a word and I feel a jolt of disappointment.

I guess he really did think something that beautiful wasn't meant for someone like me.

But before I can move away, or even lower my arm, his is already sliding one of the leather cuffs on my arm.

It was a soft sable, simple but elegant. I look closer and see faintly the trace of vines and leave intertwining that had been worked into it.

"The silver is too flashy," he tells me his fingers lingering on my skin, "this has a natural beauty, like the woman before me."

Pleasure, deep and abiding, steals through me and I look at the cuff with longing.

It really was lovely...and practical. With this on my arm, covering my scar, I had one less identifiable mark for someone to find me with.

I sigh and with regret I begin to slide it off. His fingers clamp down on me.

"You don't like it."

Hard words and I look up, startled, by the chips of black ice that are his eyes.

"I love it," the truth spilling from my lips, "it's beautiful...but I can't afford it."

Ice melts away and some of the light returns to his eyes.

He turns back to the vendor and was asking about the price.

"Ben stop...please." I grab his wrist, "I told you, I can't afford it no matter what the price is."

"I don't remember asking you to pay."

Exasperation giving way to mild anger and I want to shake him.

"Look," I tell him sharply and _finally _he turns back to me, "I don't need your charity."

"Why would you think-"

"AHEM."

Both Ben and I turn to the vendor, his eyes regarding us with merry amusement.

I wasn't feeling so amused and from the look on Ben's face neither was he.

"Forgive me for the interruption, but it seems you two are still in the beginning stages of courtship."

Courtship? What was he talking about?

"I don't think..."

"Young man, you intend the cuff to be a gift correct? For your lady?"

I look back at Ben, my anger slowly giving way to puzzlement.

He gives the vendor a narrow gaze, who is smiling openly at him.

I hear the sigh in his voice as he turns his attention back to me.

"You were smiling, when you were wearing it," he tells me softly, "since it made you...happy, I wanted to give it to you."

"You did? You really want to buy it for me?"

No one had ever _given _me anything just because it made me happy. I was so used to fighting for what I wanted...I just assumed Ben was cruelly teasing me, showing me something I couldn't have.

"Yes, I really want to buy it for you. Now let me pay for it."

I can't say anything else because he is already pressing the credits into the vendors outstretched hand.

I let my fingers touch the cuff, knowing that I would never take it off again.

A gift from Ben that he picked out just for me.

I can feel the silly grin on my face and I entwine my fingers with his, lifting my hand to the vendor as he pulls me away.

A chuckling laugh as he lifts his hand in return.

We walk, hand in hand, through the stalls.

"Ben!" I laugh, pulling the sparkling beads from his fingers and setting them back down on the table, "you don't have to buy me everything I look at."

"But I want to."

I shake my head at him. "You bought me the cuff, that's enough. I just...I just like looking. Doesn't mean I want to own it."

He gives me a dubious look and I laugh some more pushing him away from the vendors.

I pull him to different stalls, just so I can see his reactions. He's different, somehow.

I could get addicted to seeing this side of him he only shows me.

"Do you want this one?"

"No! Put that down!"

I move towards another stall, this one selling clothing. I wasn't looking for me...but I picked up a shirt with long sleeves.

Black.

It was light but as I pulled it in my hands, I felt its durability.

I thought of the armor he always wore, at least until today, and wondered if maybe he would like this to wear beneath it.

I looked around to see him fingering some pendants hanging on a chain.

"Ben!"

His head snaps instantly in my direction and I smile and wave him over to me.

"Hold out your arms."

"Why?"

"Don't argue, just do it."

I feel, more than hear, his long-suffering sigh as he holds out his arms for me.

I quickly press the shirt against his body, noting the length of the arms.

"What are you doing?"

I pull the shirt away and fold it over my arm. I hate to admit it, but black really is a good color on him.

"Hi," I go over to the female vendor, "I'd like to buy this."

He's already at my side, his hand sliding around my waist. I no longer jump at his touch. In fact, I've come to anticipate it.

I hand over the few credits and let Ben pull me from the shop after she wraps it and hands it back to me.

"What was that about? You don't normally wear black."

"It wasn't for me," I tuck my hair behind my ear, my scarf having long since fallen off my hair, "it's for you."

I duck my head as I offer him the package, feel the creeping heat on my face. Why didn't Ben look this awkward when he bought me the cuff?

"I...I know its not much but I thought-"

"You...bought this for me? A gift?"

I look up, his hands holding the small, brown wrapping with a dazed look in his eyes.

"I did," I take a breath, "do you like it? I thought...you could wear it beneath...you know...your other clothing."

His hand is still holding the gift, even as I feel his other arm wrap around my waist, pulling me to him.

His head is already lowering I lift mine to meet his lips.

His mouth is soft, gentle and so sweetly tender I forget about everything around us.

Until a ragged scream cuts through the air.

I pull my mouth away from his, already turning to that painful cry.

There, I see a pair of legs kicking as several figures duck into the narrow strip between buildings.

"Rey..."

A warning in Ben's voice, but I'm already running, determined to help whoever had made that scream.

"Please...please don't...I just want to g-go home-..."

"Don't worry, little girl, you'll go home...as soon as we're done playing with you."

I hear the sound of cloth tearing and the sobs of a young, frightened girl.

"Hey! You want to play?" Five pairs of eyes turn in my direction, "Play with me."

"Well look what the gods just dropped before us boys. A chirpy thinking she's a Bount."

The world goes to hell right after that.

_to be continued..._


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note**: Update and I'm early! Since TROS has been released, I don't feel so bad about a few minor spoilers in my chapters now. I know, this is an extra long chapter so my apologies for the long read. Now you know why I have to split it up into parts! So without further ado...enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Love it? Hate?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

"Exegol?"

The drink he lifted to his mouth halts, the liquid still moving because of his shaking hand.

He recovers quickly and takes a sip, lowering the glass with a casual air that might have a fooled another, but not me.

I saw the flicker in his eye, heard the change in his breath and the minute shift in his body.

It seems I was right to come looking for him.

"A myth," he tells me, the bored nonchalance almost convincing, "a nightmare fairytale to frighten younglings before bed. You're wasting your time...and mine."

Anger now on the surface but below...I sense the fear he is trying to hide.

So he is choosing the hard way. Not that I expected differently but I promised Rey this wouldn't take long and I intend to keep that promise.

Slowly I close the airway to his lungs, constrict the breathing so that it does not take effect immediately.

His fingers spasm around the glass and I see the whites of his eyes as he tries to speak.

He has finally noticed.

He turns to me, panic creeping past the shallow anger he showed earlier.

"The Sith," I murmur softly, slowly keeping up the pressure on his lungs, "are not a bedtime story."

The tan of his skin is fading and I know he is close to passing out. I release my hold on his lungs and watch the color rush back into his skin.

I need him awake and alert to answer my question.

"W-what _are _you?" A small gasp of air as he swallows more alcohol. He moves to signal the barman...only to find he cannot move his arm.

He can drink himself into a stupor but only after I get what I want from him.

"Someone you do not want to make angry and my patience has a limit. You are reaching that limit."

"I don't know where Exegol is."

Rushed words that have a ring of truth. But not entirely. The acrid tang of fear is heavy from him now.

I tap my finger on the bar and once more constrict the airway to his lungs and keep his body immobile.

Only his eyes are allowed to move and they meet mine and I let him see his death reflected in them.

"That is twice you've tried lying to me," I tap the bar and loosen the constriction on his lungs so that he can take in a quick, stilted breath, before I close the airway again, "care to wager with your life if you dare a third?"

Beads of sweat dot his brow and I let the seconds drag on, hear the rasp of his breath before I let him go.

He slumps over the bar and I pin the barman with a simple look as he moves in our direction.

He quickly turns back around and I know that I will not have to worry about interference from him.

"Now that I've given you sufficient time I'll ask only once more; where do I find Exegol?"

If he attempts to lie or to escape...well he is not the only spy to have crossed paths with Darth Vader and I can easily acquire the part that Rey needs.

"There is only...one way to find Exegol."

Rasping words as Anu'ul lifts his head, hatred and fear in his eyes as he rubs his throat.

It seemed he values his life over his secrets. Finally we were getting somewhere.

"I'm listening."

He reaches for his glass...but halts and looks at me first.

He is beginning to learn. I give a brief nod of my head and let him finish the drink.

"A device that...Lord Vader kept. Called a 'Wayfinder'. Supposedly it leads to Exegol."

"How did you come by this information?"

Anu'ul has not let go of his glass, instead he is turning it endlessly in his hands.

"I may have had the...distinction of meeting Lord Vader in my life."

In other words he got caught by my grandfather...and lived to tell about it.

Interesting.

"Where?"

Anu'ul shudders and shoves the glass away from him.

"The abandoned fortress on Mustafar."

"Who else knows about this?"

"No one...that place is _abandoned _and for good reason. A cult formed after the death of its master and they guard those ruins with a fanaticism few can imagine."

He moves out of his chair and I allowed him the illusion of his freedom, if only for the moment.

Tossing a few credits on the bar, he gives me a wan look, the bravado he showed only earlier gone from him.

"I've told you what you wanted to know. Now if you will excuse me," he shakes his jacket into place, "I have other business to attend to in the city."

I let him get a few steps ahead of me before moving up silently behind him.

We're in the stairwell, away from the eyes of the bar and the main street.

A flick of my fingers and the Force has him immobile for the second time.

Now he can neither run...nor scream.

"You have knowledge that will leave you a walking dead man," I tell him, slowly turning him around to face me, "if I so much as hear a whisper of the word 'wayfinder' on _any _planet. Conclude your business with the woman and pray, Anu'ul Semorn, that you give me no reason to hunt you a second time."

I could strip his mind, leave him nothing more than a mindless husk in the wake, but Rey has need of him.

So I will let him live.

For now.

I release my hold on him and he stumbles, barely catching himself.

He turns away from me and practically runs up the stairs.

I let him get to the entrance before I call out to him, using only my voice to halt him this time.

"Remember my words."

_If you cross me, your life is forfeit and there is nowhere you will be able to hide that I cannot find you._

He shudders and I am certain he will not forget this encounter anytime soon.

"I...yes, of course."

He moves away and I step over the threshold, the sting of a cool breeze across my skin.

"You were right," lilting words touched with feminine amusement and I am already searching for the owner, "that didn't take long."

There, just off to the side, her body hidden in the shadows.

I see Anu'ul turn in her direction and I give him a silent Force shove to keep moving.

Until the seventh bell he no longer has a reason to be near her.

He stumbles away and though he claims to have business elsewhere, I expect treachery from him when we meet up again.

But that is later and my sole focus turns to the woman leaning up against the wall.

Ankles crossed, scarf covering the abundant beauty of her hair and she is staring at her nails, face averted.

Just another woman in a city full of thousands of women.

Even if I didn't know every curve of her face, the gentle lines of her body, I would still know it was Rey.

The scent of sunlight and a single, elusive flower surrounds her. I would know her even if I were blind and mute.

"You didn't leave."

I cannot mask my disbelief as I walk towards her. I had told her to stay but the truth was I had doubted she would listen.

She has such independence about her, a will that bends to no one and perhaps that is why I, like so many others, are drawn to her flame.

She lifts her head at the sound of my approach, that playful smile still on her lips from the bar the only part of her visible from beneath the scarf.

"Well since you _asked _me so nicely to stay..."

Teasing words with a bite of asperity to them and that is all I hear.

I have her in my arms, claiming her mouth, pushing her against the wall so she cannot escape me.

Her arms around me, the silken feel of her skin as she strokes the back of my neck.

She's trembling in my arms as I press closer, silently demanding she yield to me.

Her mouth opens and I am drowning in the taste of her.

I thought the cave had slacked some of the urgency I felt for her.

I was wrong.

She moans into my mouth, pulling away to take a gasping breath as the scarf slides down, revealing her flushed face.

"Re-"

I want her mouth and I take it, stealing whatever sound she was about to make.

Teeth and tongue, the feel of her body rubbing against mine, driving me closer to the edge of insanity.

Her hands slide from my neck to grip my clothing and then she's twisting beneath me, the curves of her body a startling distraction as presses against me, and then I am the one being slammed against the wall.

She's shoving her leg between mine, using her body as a counterweight and pulls her mouth from mine.

She is gasping for air and so am I but I am not pleased to lose her mouth and a soft growl escapes me.

Amber flame looks back at me and her lips are swollen, the color riding high on her cheekbones.

"As much as I am," she is gasping out the words, still trying to get the breath back I stole from her, "enjoying this we need to talk."

I don't want to talk, I want her back in my arms, where she belongs.

Her legs is already between mine but it is not enough. I slide my hands over the smooth leather of her pants and pull her hard against me.

Her eyes widen but she doesn't let go of my vest and manages to keep some distance between us.

There is lust and stubbornness swirling in those dark depths and I can tell she is serious about wanting to talk. Nothing I say, or do, is going to change her mind.

I lean back against the wall but I will not let her drop her gaze from mine.

"So talk."

"What are you doing here?"

Harsh words full of demand. I cannot help but feel amusement. Rey is the only one I know who would dare make demands of me.

Since I have no intention of telling her about Exegol or the true identity of Praksis, I'll deal with her question another way.

"On a world that has sworn fealty to the First Order?" dry words with a cynical edge, "Do I need a reason to be here?"

A fleeting look of chagrin over her expressive face, quickly followed by suspicion as she narrows those beautiful eyes at me.

"So why is the Supr-mmh!"

I am already covering her lush mouth with my fingers. Despite the fact that it appears we are the only two in the alley, I do not trust that other ears might still be listening.

As I have chosen to come on my own, I do not need her telling anyone that I am the Supreme Leader.

Otherwise the whole point of being here, dressed like this, goes to waste.

"Don't say that title," a warning and a demand, "not here. Nor the name that goes with it."

She pulls her head back, freeing her lips from me and though I could have easily held on, I let her go.

"Fine. I won't say it, _Ben._" Defiance in her voice as she repeats that name knowing I cannot say anything about it, "Were you looking for Praksis? Is that why you're here?"

I should have known she would not be easily deterred by my vague answer.

So I let my silence speak for itself and let her draw her own conclusions.

She shakes her head in annoyance when she realizes I have no intention of answering.

"Fine, keep your secrets." A sigh in her voice along with a note of sadness and I feel her grip falter, "you obviously got what you came for."

If she thought I was going to let her go so quickly as this...

I take advantage of her distraction and before she can guess my intent, I turn her, pinning her once more beneath me.

"Ben!"

She cannot escape me and now that I know that little trick of hers, she cannot use it again to dislodge me.

Wedging my leg between hers and trapping the other gives me a definite advantage.

She wanted to talk, so we will. Now she can answer a few of my questions.

Although the heat of her body pressed up so intimately against mine is a serious threat to my concentration.

"I know why you're here but I want to know this; are you alone?"

I dig my fingers into her hips as a warning when she begins to squirm, rubbing her body against me as I hold onto my control by frayed inches.

"Why?" Defiance and suspicion in that one word.

I should know better than to expect her to give me a direct answer.

She probably thinks I want to know if any of her Resistance allies are with her.

Another time that might have been correct, but not now.

I have a different reason for wanting to know.

I press into her, so that I can lift my hand and cup her face. I rub my thumb over the smoothness of her skin.

I will never tire of touching her.

"Do you always have to argue with me?" I feel no anger, just annoyance that she can dance around my questions as easily as I do hers.

"Yes," her reply surprises me because there is no hesitation in it, "it's fun."

I can only stare, her answer not one I could have anticipated. Only my Rey would think teasing the Supreme Leader to be 'fun'.

Amusement chases away the annoyance I felt only minutes ago and I lower my head.

To taste her mouth and this 'fun' she speaks so easily of.

Her lips part beneath mine and I allow myself only a brief taste to quell the rage of desire still burning through me.

I lift my head before I give into my darker impulse and the soft growl that leave her mouth is both a delight and torment.

Delight that she is wants my touch, torment that I cannot indulge her more.

"Rey, just answer me." I am growing inpatient with this dance of words between us, "Are you alone?"

I feel her sigh, see her close her eyes to me and lean back.

"Yes, I came here alone."

Soft admission and something akin to happiness swells through me at her response.

She was here, _alone, _with me.

"Good."

She snaps her eyes back open at the possessive note in my voice that I don't bother to hide.

She is looking at me with mild confusion, a soft tilt of her head before her slender arms wrap themselves around my neck, pulling me closer to her still.

If this is a cage I am more than willing to be her prisoner.

"What about you?" lilting words, her eyes an open invitation, "are you alone?"

"For the time being, yes."

No Knights, no Stormtroopers at my beck and call.

Just myself.

I could see the questions swirling in her gaze and I wondered what she would chose.

The Resistance...or us.

Her next question would decide that.

"So," soft words and I feel her tremble in my arms, "what now?"

She had made her choice with little time between to think about it.

She wanted us, wanted _me _and it was all I could do not to sweep her up in my arms and take her somewhere private where we could be alone.

But I felt the tremble in her and knew that I could not push too fast.

She might have chosen me, but she was still hesitant.

"You still have time before you need to collect your item."

I kept my voice soft, wrenching my need for her back under iron control.

I see a stain of color across her face and she gives me a rueful look.

"Yeah, about that." A swift breath and she continues, "I don't suppose you can tell me when exactly is the seventh bell?"

If I hadn't clamped down on all my emotions, I would have been tempted to laugh at her confused pleading.

Clearly she hadn't done any further research on this planet except where to meet her quarry.

Even so, I can barely stop my mouth from twitching and she narrows her eyes at me and thumps me on the chest, albeit gently.

"Ben!" Laughter and annoyance in her voice, "don't tease me! Tell me!"

She is the one teasing me, with that laughter in her eyes and I capture her hands before she decides to get violent with me out of sheer pique.

"How could I refuse such an order?" I pull her away from the wall, she has chosen me and there was no need to keep her trapped, "Seventh bell comes at nightfall." She gives me a uncertain look but I wasn't finished, "You won't be able to mistake it."

The bells in the city were loud and rather obnoxious but unmistakable. They rang in the morning and evening times without fail.

Rey lifts her head to study the sky and I see a dour look on her face as she realizes it barely past mid-morning.

"Great," soft words that she seems to be muttering to herself, "so what do I do in the meantime?"

"I might have a solution for that."

She glances up at me, surprise on her face and I think she did not mean for me to hear her words but I chose to answer them nonetheless.

Wide-eyes and the tremble in her body is more noticeable now.

"Oh," a tell-tale wobble in her voice that speaks of her nervousness, "what's that?"

She has such expressive eyes that I don't even need to guess what she is thinking.

Considering that I have made no attempt to hide the fact that I desire her with everything that I am, it is no wonder she has jumped to _that _particular thought.

But I can feel her trembling and I will not push her when she is still uncertain about us.

When she trembles in my arms, it will be with open desire, not uncertainty.

"Have you ever toured an open market in a city?"

From the various reports I've gathered over the few weeks it appears the city holds open gatherings every day in a certain part of the city.

I doubt there were such places on Jakku and even less time with the Resistance.

I can tell my words were not was she was expecting because she is blinking at me with open confusion.

"W-what?"

I have never seen her so off-balance and it is rather endearing. Some of what I must have been thinking showed on my face because she is narrowing her eyes at me again.

"No I haven't...why?"

Curiosity but with none of the suspicion she normally levels at me.

I release only one of her hands, the other is mine to keep.

"Would you like to?"

I want to spend time with her, I want her to _want _to spend time with me. Not as the Supreme Leader, not as Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer.

Just...Ben.

She is looking at our clasped hands and there are too many emotions playing across her face for me to interpret.

Finally she looks up at me and I feel the punch of her gaze as something grabs hold of me.

Something I had thought long ago abandoned.

Hope.

"With you?"

Hope, that fragile creature that fanned the flames with its wings, grew stronger with her words.

"Yes," I tell her, feeling amused that she even had to ask, "with me."

An open grin on her face now as she closes her fingers around mine more securely.

"Lead the way then."

It was easy to navigate the city and I soon had us where we needed to be. The sun was moving lazily through the sky when we emerged through the last street.

The market was well underway, the vendors setting up since dawn and the streets already crowded with people.

"Wow," I heard the wonder in her voice as Rey takes the lead, keeping her hand in mine, "it really is a market."

Everything seemed to catch her eye we moved down the main path, her head whipping back and forth, trying to take everything in at once.

"Where do we start?" Excitement in her voice as she looks up at me, her eyes glowing with their own light.

"Anywhere you want."

I have never seen her like this. There was no hesitancy, no shadows that dimmed her light.

She was enthralling and I was more than happy to let her lead so long as it kept that light in her eyes.

"I-"

Her voice was drowned out from what I thought was thunder except it was far too low...and coming from Rey.

The fact that loud of a noise from such a tiny woman made me blink in surprise...and amusement.

She looked up at me and I saw the trace of red spread across her face as she pressed a hand to her stomach.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked mildly, promising myself I was going to feed her until she fell into a stupor.

There was a scent in the air that smelled like food.

"I-"

Another growl, louder than the last and I felt my stomach make itself known, loudly, that it too required food.

Rey looking at my stomach, her eyes holding the same look I must have.

I can see the grin already forming on her face and feel the heat rising off of mine.

Why it whenever I want to impress this woman everything seems to go wrong.

"About the same time as you."

I can hear the laughter in her voice and I have to turn away.

I am a Sith warrior, I should not be embarrassed by a simple sound.

Except it is Rey, who has the odd habit of making me feel like a stumbling Padawan around her.

"Mmm...where is that coming from?"

It would seem the scent of food has distracted her and I use that distraction to tug on her hand, once more taking the lead.

"This way," I tell her, demanding my stomach to behave itself around her, "we should get some food first."

I dare not look back at her, least I see her laughing and lose what little dignity I have left.

"Sure," mirth in her voice and I heave a silent sigh, "let's go."

It would appear that we are not the only ones searching for food. There is a small line where that distinctive smell is coming from and I see some kind of meat on a skewer being coated in a dark sauce.

"What is that?"

She sound far too excited about this.

"Some local dish I would imagine."

She turns her eyes up to me, bright with amusement.

"Ever eaten it before?"

As if I casually strolled about the city, helping myself to the local fare.

"No."

She was openly laughing, her sound causing more than a few head to turn in her direction as she pulled me into the line.

"Come one, where's your sense of adventure? If you don't like it we'll find something else."

Playful words, her hand gripping mine as if I would even think to run away.

I sigh, not even bothering with a reply because she is already ordering for the both of us.

A frown on her face as digs around for money in the pouch she carries.

I'm already handing over the credits to the vendor before she realizes it.

"Hey!" exasperation in her voice even as she take the skewer from me, "I can pay."

"Not when you're with me."

Considering the state of the Resistance, I am surprised she has two credits to rub together, let alone the four hundred she flashed to Praksis.

I give her a hard look and she has the audacity to roll her eyes at me.

I must admit, teasing Rey is rather...amusing.

"Ohh...mmm..."

A blissful sound if I ever heard one and she is already half-way through the meat.

I take a bite of my own and find that it isn't as bad as I expected.

Slightly bland but edible.

I look back at Rey and see the smudge of sauce at the corner of her mouth.

She looks like a youngling who hasn't been fed in hours.

"What?"

Her eyes met mine, amused curiosity in them as the skewer is already halfway to her mouth.

I reach over and remove the sauce from her face. The stuff is sticky and cling to my thumb.

"You missed a spot."

I didn't want her walking through town with sauce on her face, it would only make her embarrassed if people stared.

"Oh," she is eyeing the sauce now on my thumb and before I can look for something to wipe it off with, her mouth closes over the spot.

My body clenches hard as I feel her tongue move over my skin, a sensual caress that has me gritting my teeth so I don't do something stupid.

Like find a shadowed corner so I can use my mouth on her.

"There, all clean."

Her eyes lift to mine and whatever else she was going to say seems to fall away as I can only stare at her, the feel of her mouth riding me hard.

"You can't look at me like that."

A whispered plea, her eyes dilating in response to my open desire.

She is asking for the impossible, considering what she just did moments ago.

"Then don't tempt me."

I hear the catch in her breath, the flush on her face and I remind myself harshly that we are not alone.

I am not some adolescent who cannot control his emotions around a beautiful girl.

"Eat Rey," I tell her as I tear of a piece of meat, "I'm not going to ravish you here on the street."

I preferred a more private setting when I take her as my lover.

"Ben!"

My name a choked sound from her lips as she realizes the intent behind my words.

I raise an eyebrow, daring her to argue.

She glares at me and finishes off the food with alacrity.

"Still hungry?"

I'm only steps behind her as we both toss the skewers into a nearby receptacle.

She nods her head.

"Yes, thirsty too." I can see her looking for something to drink, "that sauce was spicy."

"You think that was spicy?"

That was nowhere near spicy and I can only wonder what she's been eating to think that.

"Well, when you've been living off of field rations for a month," she rejoins as she grabs my hand, "_anything_ tastes spicy in comparison."

I couldn't argue with that, although its been quite some time since I needed to pack field rations.

She seems to have found another vendor selling drinks but she's approaching it with caution.

The liquid is different colors and I see a uncertain look cross her face.

She was enthusiastic about the food but now she's hesitating over the drink?

"Lose your sense of adventure?" I cannot help the teasing note as I repeat her words back to her.

She gives me a dour look, clearly not pleased with my choice of words.

"Oh, ha ha." She pushes me to the front, "since I chose the food, _you _can chose the drink."

I can only shake my head at her obvious reluctance and look at the selections.

A few choices but there is a faint scent of berries from the red and I think Rey will enjoy the taste. I pay the vendor and come back with two cups, placing one of them in her hands.

I see her eyeing the color and I take a sip of the liquid.

A light, sweet drink with the taste of berries that causes the liquid to fizzle on the tongue.

Not something I am familiar with, but I find that it is pleasant.

I look over to Rey, who is now gulping the contents, a pleased expression her face.

She has the cup empty in seconds and looks at it with a slightly crestfallen expression.

"That was great," I see her tongue slide across her mouth, as if trying to catch any leftover drops, "what was that?"

The vendor is speaking...and I recognize the language.

It is one of the many languages my mother taught me, this one special to her.

It was from my biological grandmother's home world, Naboo.

I take a replacement cup back to Rey, since she is enjoying it so much.

She was looking at the vendor with mild curiosity and I realize she didn't understand what he was saying.

"He said its a mixture of local fruit that is soaked in spring water."

It was easy to translate and she looks back to me, bemused.

"You understand him? How?"

Not a demand but more of an explanation as she sips at her drink, this time savoring it.

"He's speaking Tuu'lukin." I find myself telling her, "An off-shoot branch from Naboo."

I can see the obvious question in her eyes, she is wondering why I would learn it.

I find myself answering that unspoken question, the memory a bittersweet one.

"My mother taught me the language."

As a remembrance for her own mother, who died giving birth her...and my uncle.

Padme Amidala Skywalker might be gone, but her legacy still lived on in her daughter...and in me.

I feel Rey's hand slip back into mine, squeezing gently.

A reminder that I am not alone, not with her at my side.

I finish my drink and turn my gaze once more back to the present.

"Come on, there's more to see."

I look down at her, see the compassion and understanding in her gaze and feel the shadows of the memory slip away. I tighten my hold on her hand.

I tug her to my side as we slip back into the crowd, her gentle presence a balm across my soul.

She is like a butterfly, flitting from one vendor to the next, her absolute delight so amusing that I let her lead me where she wills.

There is nothing here that I want, or desire, except to please her.

We move from shop to shop and somewhere in the confusion, her hand slips from mine and I lose track of her.

I might have worried except I can still smell the scent of sunlight and flowers even among the rest of the populace.

I follow the bond between us, that slight tug on my soul, and see her standing over an old vendor displaying his wares.

She is looking at something that shines in the light, a rapturous look on her face I have yet to see.

Such a look as more than piqued my curiosity I move easily to her side, resting my hand on her hip.

She is mine and I am hers and I will not hide my desire to touch her.

"What have you found Rey?"

I want to know what has put that look on her face.

Her fingers were resting on a silver bracelet...yet it is far too large to be worn on the wrist. I must admit the craftsmanship is excellent.

"Ah, to be young again."

I look at the old man, who is glancing at Rey and myself and I wonder what he see's.

He catches my eye and gives me a friendly smile.

"Your lady was admiring the cuffs I make."

The fact that he called Rey mine makes me look at his merchandise with more than just a passing glance.

He picks up the silver one that her fingers had been resting on and I see the geometric patterns done in an abstract design.

"The larger ones are made to be worn on the upper arm, not the wrist."

She is already taking it from his proffered hands, a serious look on her face as I see her twist and turn it.

There are no clasps and no openings, the metal seamlessly woven together.

Since she has not tried it on I am guessing she does not know how it is worn.

"Like this," I tell her, taking the cuff from her fingers, "hold out your arm."

There is no argument from her as she holds out her arm to me, the one that has the scar from the Red Guard.

I move the cuff over her arm, enjoying her sun-warmed skin beneath my fingers as I slide the metal over the scar.

I dislike looking at that mark for many reasons, the main one being she nearly lost her life in that throne room.

The sunlight flashes off the metal and that will not do.

"What," her voice a teasing lilt to it, "doesn't suit me?"

The silver is lovely, but a pale comparison to the woman wearing it but that is not why I am frowning.

I turn without answering her, searching for something better. I see the leather cuffs and look them over.

A soft sable, a close match to the beauty of her hair, and then I notice the vines and leaves worked into the leather.

My Rey likes anything that is green and growing.

A fitting match indeed.

I remove the silver cuff impatiently and slide the new one into place.

There is no glint off the leather to give away her position and the natural material is a compliment to her unadorned beauty.

I look at her and see a whisper of sadness in her gaze and belatedly remember her asking me if the silver didn't suit her.

She must have taken my silence as a yes.

"The silver is too flashy," I tell her, letting my fingers rest on her skin, catching startled amber with my own gaze, "this has a natural beauty, like the woman before me."

A delicate stain of color on her face, her eyes gazing on the cuff I picked out for her.

But the sadness does not retreat and she lifts her hand, attempting to pull the cuff off of her arm.

I thought I knew her, knew what she would like but seeing her trying to take it off was like a cold water thrown in my face.

My fingers are already clamping down on hers, I do not want to see that ugly reminder of the day I lost her.

"You don't like it."

I cannot keep the bitterness from my voice, wondering how I had misjudged her.

She looks up at me, shock in her lovely eyes and words spill from her lips.

"I love it," she tells me in a rush of words that pushes back the bitterness I felt seconds ago, leaving confusion in its wake, "it's beautiful...but I can't afford it."

So that's why she was trying to take it off.

A trivial matter and I told her before, she was not going to pay for anything while I was around.

The vendor is watching me and I let go of her so that I can purchase the cuff.

Every time she wears it, she will think of me and I will be the one to put that joyous look on her face.

"How much?"

"Fifty-two credits. One of my best pieces and quite lovely on the woman, I might add."

"Ben stop," my name a plea on her lips that I don't understand as she grabs my wrist before I can pay for her gift, "please. I told you, I can't afford it no matter what the price is."

Again she worries over the expense.

"I don't remember asking you to pay."

I turn back to the vendor, wanting to settle the matter.

"Look," sharpness in her voice and a current of anger that wasn't there before and she has my attention, " I don't need your charity."

Charity? I have no idea why this is making her so angry.

"Why would you think-"

"AHEM."

Both Rey and I turn back to the vendor, who is staring at us with open amusement.

The fact that Rey is upset only sharpens my ire and his mirth does nothing to quell it.

"Forgive me for the interruption, but it seems you two are still in the beginning stages of courtship."

His words knock back some of my anger and I hear Rey trying to explain something but his attention is not on her.

But me.

A knowing look comes to his old eyes and I find that I am more than a little wary of it.

"Young man, you intend the cuff to be a gift correct? For your lady?"

I might have argued, I never thought about the cuff as an actual gift but then Rey is looking at me, not with the frustration from earlier but puzzlement.

I narrow my gaze at the old man, who is smiling openly at me and I know what he is doing.

He is giving me a chance to explain my actions to Rey without another misunderstanding.

A shrewd old man but one I can appreciate.

I return my attention back to Rey, noting that she hasn't removed...my gift.

Something settles in me and I find my voice.

"You were smiling," I try to explain without sounding foolish, "when you were wearing it," my eyes drift to the soft leather wrapped around her arm, "since it made you...happy," the look on her face from earlier was more than that, "I wanted to give it to you."

So you would always think of me with that same look on your face.

Her face softens and once again I see a side of her she had never shown me.

"You did?" She sounds utterly bewildered by my words, "you really want to buy it for me?"

She sounds as if no has ever simply given her something because she wanted it.

It pleased me to be the first and I vowed that it would not be the last time.

"Yes," I tell her so that there is no misunderstanding, "I really want to buy it for you. Now let me pay for it."

I turn back to the vendor and toss him a hundred credit disk. I don't bother with the change as I feel Rey slip her hand back into my own. I look down to see her smiling at me with such joy, everything else seems trivial in comparison.

She lifts her hand to the vendor as I tug her away, wanting to know what else will keep that smile on her face.

She is laughing as we walk hand in hand through the streets.

She pulls me from shop to shop and I let her, faint amusement threading through me as I see other young men being pushed around in the same manner.

It seems there are some things that are universal.

She pauses at a selection of glass beads, pretty as they catch the light.

"Ben," laughter and sunshine as she calls my name, "you don't have to buy me everything I look at."

She is pulling the beads of deep cerulean from my fingers, the same one she had been touching only moments ago.

"But I want to."

I have wealth beyond imagining and I have never felt a need to spend it, until now.

On her.

But she is shaking her head at me.

"You bought me the cuff," again that soft look on her face as she touches the band around her arm, "that's enough."

She gives me a guilty look as she recaptures my hand. "I just...I just like looking. Doesn't mean I want to own it."

A woman who isn't interested in material items and I wonder if that is true...or she just doesn't want me to keep paying for everything.

Laughter from her as she pulls me away and drags me to another stall.

The light dancing in her eyes as she looks at some rather...curious items, makes me wonder if she isn't doing this to just tease me.

Since I haven't been teased by a woman...ever, I must admit I am enjoying the novelty of it.

So I play along, just so I can hear her laughter.

"Do you want this one?"

I lift a small piece of cloth that is more than a little transparent and the female vendor looks at Rey with a twinkle in her eye.

My Rey has that delicate blush of color across her face.

"No! Put that down!"

She turns away from me to go to another vendor and I move to follow, except something else has caught my eye.

I see charms hanging from a small pole. The designs...it looks like it could be from Tatooine.

"Ben!"

I am already turning my attention to that lilting voice and I see her only a few meters from me, motioning for me to join her.

She looks excited about something and I see her holding a piece of cloth in her arms.

"Hold out your arms."

A demand, not a request.

"Why?"

She gives me an impatient look.

"Don't argue, just do it."

Definitely a demand and since my curiosity will not be satisfied until I comply, I can only sigh and hold out my arms.

I feel ridiculous.

That is until she presses what appears to be a shirt across my body.

She has such a serious look on her face, I wonder what she is thinking.

"What are you doing?"

But she doesn't answer me, instead she gives a vague nod of her head and pulls away from me, folding the item over her arm.

"Hi, I'd like to buy this."

She is already at the vendor's side, handing over her money before I can slide my hand back across her body.

I am now more than merely curious about what she bought. We must have walked through a dozen vendors and this is the only thing she has shown a decided interest in, other than the cuff.

I wait, with little patience, as the vendor wraps the gift and I can finally pull her away.

I move her to a small alcove, away from the main road. The sun is riding high and the weather has turned sultry.

We can have shade and few moments of privacy.

"What was that about?" I ask, trying to strangle my curiosity into some semblance of manners, "You don't normally wear black."

Except for today, she prefers lighter colors.

"It wasn't for me," soft words as she tucks a stray lock behind her ear, "it was for you."

I can only stare at her, wondering if I heard her correctly when she ducks her head, offering me the wrapped item.

"I...I know its not much but I thought-"

I don't care about the cost, only the fact that she was thinking of me.

"You...bought this for me? A gift?"

I feel like she's taken the air from my lungs.

I cannot remember the last time I received a gift.

A lifetime ago.

The blush is still on her face but she is no longer avoiding my gaze.

"I did," a soft hesitancy to her words, "do you like it? I thought...you could wear it beneath...you know...your other clothing."

She was anxious that I liked her gift, just as I was when I picked out hers.

She is looking at me with fragile eyes and a tenderness that is only for me.

I will kill any other male who dares to see her like this.

I pull her to me, she has taken my ability to speak but I can show her how much her gift means to me.

She is already lifting her head to me as I lay my mouth across hers.

Soft, silken lips as I sip at her mouth, a warmth inside of me that did not exist, until she entered my life.

The world falls away and there is only us.

If I could halt time I would have done so, just to keep this moment alive.

A ragged cry cuts through the air and I feel Rey startle in my arms, breaking contact.

She is already searching, her body tense.

"Rey," I cannot keep the warning out of my voice, I don't want her doing something reckless, but she is already out of my arms and racing towards the victim.

I swear silently in my head and chase after her, cutting through the crowd to get to her side as she ducks into a narrow alley between building.

She had better not be hurt or I will spill blood in retaliation and I will not care whose it is.

_To be continued..._


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Update: **All of you have been super patient and supportive while I broke this particular arc into pieces so I thought I would reward your thoughtfulness with an early installment! So...enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **I love hearing from all of my readers and I cannot tell you how happy it makes me when I get a new review. So thank you and please don't stop!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

I make a move to grab the small blaster strapped to my leg just as the closest male notices and lunges at me.

I'm already turning, snapping my leg out and taking him down. The alley is narrow, but two people can walk shoulder to shoulder with an inch of space between them comfortably.

I feel a hand land on my shoulder and I grab and twist the wrist sharply.

A howl of pain as I hear the tendons snap and I move in time to avoid blaster fire that cuts across my shoulder.

I tuck and roll, coming up on the balls of my feet, right in front of the girl.

"Stay behind me." I tell her, wishing I had my staff but knowing even if I did, it would be useless in these closed quarters.

One man is down, the other wounded but I still have three more in front of me, including the leader.

"Scrappy one," the leader remarks, coming to the forefront. He's of a race I've never seen. Mottled, gray skin that looks like it's pebbled with three, small protruding bone spikes on each side of his jaw.

Eyes of vermilion, slit like a snake's look back at me.

A strip of black hair braided and the rest of his head is shaved.

"Should have minded your own business, Bount. Now you have two choices; put down that weapon and live, in slavery that is, or die in this alley."

"How about a third option."

I snap my head in the direction of Ben's voice. So does everyone else.

He's already grabbing one of the men closest to the entrance and I hear, more than see, the crunch of bone as he slams the man's face into the wall.

It distracts the leader and that's all I need.

I come at him with bare hands. I can't risk the girl getting caught by crossfire if I go for my gun.

But he turns, lighter on his feet than I thought despite his bulk, and deflects my punch.

I pull up my guard, but the force of his fist against my arm is like solid steel and I can't stop the yelp I let out when he connects.

"Rey! Switch!"

Ben's voice. I feel the heat of his back against mine and I roll over him, coming up on my feet, facing his foe as he takes on the leader.

The man in front of me has a nasty grin on his, twin blades in his hands. He's smaller than me but his body is nothing but lean muscle.

I hear the scuffle behind me, the grunts of pain but my focus is in front of me.

I trust Ben, he can take care of himself. I just need to guard his rear.

The man comes at me, trying to swipe me with his blades, but I knock them aside.

I sweep my leg out, connecting, but he's already back on his feet despite my attempt to take him down.

"Pretty, pretty," he mutters at me and there is a hectic gleam in his eyes that makes my stomach clench in revulsion, "not so pretty when I'm done."

He's trying to circle me, to take me from guarding Ben's back.

I refuse to fall for his trick and he growls at me charging with both blades flashing.

This time I'm ready and catch his wrists, the duel blades close to my face as he bares down on me.

I snarl at him and plant my boot right in the middle of his unprotected stomach.

He makes a retching noise as I shove him away from me, his blades scattering.

"This time, stay down!"

I grab him by the back of the hair and slam his face into the ground, hear the crunch of bone as his nose shatters.

He doesn't move and I see the blood seeping beneath him, two fingers on his neck tell me he's alive and that's all I need.

I turn in time to see Ben just barely miss being hit by the leader's meaty fist, his own hand balled into a fist and the small, crack of thunder as he connects with the underside of his jaw.

The leader topples over, his head slamming into a nearby building and he slumps to the ground, knocked out.

"Nice hit." I tell him, admiration in my voice. A whimper and I see a small, huddled figure pressed against a metal container.

Dusky green skin and two-tentacle like tails from her head. Lekku's.

She wearing a faded, yellow tunic torn at the shoulder and loose beige pants that cover the knee's.

A Twi'lek.

"It's okay," I tell her softly as I walk over, getting down on my knee's, "you're safe."

She looks up at me, tears still leaking down her face when her eyes flicker past me. They widen and I see the fear return, despite the fact that the men who attacked her are down. I wonder at her reaction and look behind me.

To see Ben standing over us, his arms folded over his chest.

My lips twitch and I turn back to the girl.

"My name is Rey, what's yours?"

"T-Teilu."

"Teilu, that's a pretty name. Do you live close by Teilu?"

A small, quick nod of her head, her eyes flickering between Ben and myself.

"Would you like to go home? We can take you back, nobody will bother you."

Wide eyes as she looks up at Ben. I don't need to look at him to know he's still standing over us.

I lean down and mock-whisper, "I know tall, dark and scary over there is a bit intimidating but let me tell you a secret," I lean closer and her eyes take up her whole face, "I know his weakness. He's afraid of spiders."

She lets out a soft giggle and looks back up at Ben, a curious light in her eyes.

I hear his sigh and grin, getting on my feet.

I have no idea if he's afraid of spiders but at least the girl won't be so frightened of him now.

I offer her my hand. "Here, let's get you to your feet and get out of here."

I look around the carnage Ben and I did. Five men in various states of unconsciousness, most of them bleeding.

Teilu gets to her feet and I hear her whimper softly.

I see blood seeping from her ankle over the torn strap of her sandal.

"Ben, she's hurt. Looks like her ankle. Here try and put some weight on it."

She tries to walk, making the blood flow a little faster and a tear trickles down as her face scrunches up in pain.

"Okay, no walking. Let me-" I go to pick her up but Ben is already at my side, lifting the little girl into his arms.

Her legs dangle over his arms and I can get a better look at that ankle. Too much blood, but I don't think it's broken.

I pick up my scarf from where it feel, wrapping the material around her ankle. It's bulky, but it'll stop the bleeding until it can be seen to properly.

She sniffs and wraps slender arms around Ben's neck.

I see, for just a second, a panicked look in his eyes.

I poke Teilu's arm softly, she cocks her head at me.

"Hey," I tell her with a teasing smile, "that's my man you're cuddling. No keeping."

She giggles again and snuggles closer to Ben.

I refuse to meet his gaze when he lifts an eyebrow at my comment.

"So, where do you live?"

She rattles off an address and I finally look at Ben, who is shaking his head.

So he has no idea where she lives either.

"Hmm, okay. Well I guess you can give us direction to your home."

She settles into Ben's arms and starts pointing the way for us. The walk takes us a little past the open market and into a quiet part of the city.

The buildings all have a worn-out look to them, but not the shambling mess that I had to live in on Jakku.

"That one!"

She points to her home that aside from the whimsical charm hung on a string, looked like all the other buildings.

With a shrug Ben and I walked up to the door and pressed the small key-pad.

"Teilu why are you-oh!"

"Mama!"

The slim Twi'lek with the same shade of skin as her daughter, her lekku significantly longer and banded with tattoo's of gold, stopped at the threshold.

"Ma'am," I give the woman a respectful nod, "forgive our intrusion. My name is Rey, this is Ben."

"I...I am Sonia." Her eyes come to rest on Ben, I see them widen but then she see's my scarf wrapped around her daughter's ankle.

"Teilu!"

She rushes past me to her daughter.

"It's not a serious wound."

I'm frowning at Ben, I had seen the ankle. While it wasn't broken, I think, there had been a significant amount of blood.

Sonia is already unwrapping my scarf...and I can only stare at the ankle.

A thin line marking her green skin, but there is no blood and the wound...if I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would say it was already healing.

I didn't know much about Twi'lek biology so maybe they healed faster than humans.

"No...but perhaps I think my daughter enjoyed being carried hmmm?"

Teilu giggles and buries her head in Ben's shoulder.

"How did you come to find my daughter in such a condition?"

The mother was quick to note the smudges on her daughter's face and the torn sleeve.

What could I say? That her daughter had been attacked at the market and we just happen to be at the right place?

"Bad men found me! Ben and Rey saved me!"

Well there went the diplomatic approach as the girl eyed her mother with a sunny smile.

It still amazes me how resilient children could be.

"Thank you. Both of you. For helping my daughter and bringing her back home. Time to get down _sohsi._"

Teilu heaves out a sigh as only a child can pull when Ben sets her gently back down on her feet.

"Did you thank these nice people for coming to your aide?"

The lekku on Teilu's head twitch and she avoids her mother's gaze.

She looks up at both of us and comes over to me. She motions with her hands for me to lean down.

I do and feel her slender arms around my neck.

"Thank you." Soft warmth,a shy whisper and she pulls away.

She turns to Ben and makes the same motion with her arms.

I watch, with faint astonishment, as he gets down on one knee before the little girl.

She doesn't wrap her arms around Ben, instead she moves closer whispers her shy 'thank you'...and plants a kiss on his cheek before running back to her mother.

Sonia is shaking her head at her daughter, but I see the smile on her face. I can feel the grin on mine as I look down at Ben, who is wearing a stunned expression on his.

He gets back on his feet and the look in his eyes dares me to make a comment.

"Thank you both, again. Is there...anything I can do to repay your kindness to my daughter?"

I looked at the woman, her clothing much worn but still usable and the place where she lives.

I doubt she had much money to spare and I didn't help the little girl to get paid for it.

"No need," I tell her, "we just happen to be passing by. Isn't that right Ben?

He gives me a dry look but gives a nod of his head to the mother.

"That's right. But I wouldn't let your daughter roam the streets alone anymore. She might not be so lucky next time."

I see Sonia clutch her daughter's hand as she takes Ben's words to heart.

"I will remember." She bows her head to us, "thank you both."

"Bye Ben! Bye Rey!"

I lift my hand to Teilu...and see Ben mirror my gesture, causing the little girl to giggle and dash back into her home, her mother a slower pace.

"I think you have an admirer." I tease him as we walk back towards the market. The sun is moving lower into the sky now and I can't believe how quickly time has slipped away from me.

Ben takes back my hand, the warmth of his grip a comforting one.

"Then it's good that I'm already spoken for."

He looks at me and I can feel my face heating up. I did tell Teilu that he was mine.

I wanted to tell him that I had just been teasing...except it didn't feel like teasing anymore.

I tighten my own grip around his hand.

"Come on, all that excitement has worked up my appetite. Lets find some food."

I move towards the market but I'm stopped because Ben isn't moving.

"What? Don't tell me you're not hungry."

"I am but not for vendor food."

I can hear the duel-edged meaning behind his words but I don't think I'm feeling that brave at this moment.

So I'll take his words literally instead.

"Okay...so you pick where we eat."

I see the slightest curve of his mouth, he knows what I'm about but he doesn't press me and I let him take the lead.

We move away from the market to a small bar, this one better looking than the one we had left hours ago.

We duck into the opening, he and I still holding hands and I realize that the talking has stopped.

Most of the heads have turned in our direction.

"We don't want any trouble here."

I look to the barkeeper. The bar is also a small restaurant and several patrons look at us with wariness.

Ben and I look at each other, I can feel his amusement and I feel the grin spread over my face.

He inclines his head and I turn back to the barkeep.

"Then offer us none," I tell him with a lift of my chin, "and you'll have none. We just want a drink and a _quiet _meal, nothing else."

The barkeep stares at us and I hold his stare and then he smiles and inclines his head to us.

"Pick any seat you want."

I let out a silent breath and Ben and I choose a small table, close to the rear exist and far enough away from the rest of the patrons that we have the illusion of privacy.

"What do you want to eat?"

I'm about to answer when a serving droid walks by with a bowl of something...that has tentacles waiving out of it.

"Something that doesn't wiggle!" I shudder and look away. "I want my food dead when I eat it."

A soft breath out of him, _almost _like laughter but when I look up from my menu, his face is as calm as ever.

I wonder if I would ever see him smile.

"Do you trust me?"

I look up again and see that faint gleam in his eyes and recognize it.

Ben is relaxed and in a playful mood.

"Yes," I tell him and he pulls the menu from my fingers, "hey!"

"You said you trusted me, remember?"

"I-oh," I told him he could pick the food, "oh!"

I release the menu as the serving droid brings us water and is waiting to take our order.

"Two _inosuriki _dishes."

I haven't even heard of what he's ordering, let alone able to pronounce it.

But he did eat what I picked out, so I can do the same.

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

"Ben!"

Not a smile, but a cocky arc of his brow that makes me want to kiss him.

I slide around the table, the seats connected, and give into the impulse.

"Rey wh-"

My mouth is on his and I feel his arm around my waist, pressing me up against him.

I release him, leaving him slightly out breath, but I like the weight of his arm around me and decide not to move back.

"What..." his voice is rough and he take a swallow of water, "was that for?"

"Because I wanted to," I give a shrug of my shoulder, "you didn't like it?"

"I didn't say that."

His fingers slide into my hair, playing with the ends, the silence between us an easy one.

Our food arrives shortly in two bowls and remembering those wiggling arms from earlier, I give him a questionable look.

But the food doesn't wiggle and the smell coming from it is making my mouth water.

There is a dark, brown liquid filled with noodles, some sort of vegetables and large pieces of meat.

I slide out from beneath his arm so we can eat. But he gives me a pointed look and grabs my hand.

"You can sit by me and still eat your food."

His touch is more than a little possessive but I find that it doesn't bother me.

However I do reclaim my hand so that I can eat. But since I'm not moving away from him, he turns back to his own food.

"Do I use a spoon or a fork with this?" I can't tell if its suppose to be some kind of soup or not.

"Neither," he is picking up two lacquered sticks that was served with our meal, "like this."

Holding both sticks in his fingers, he twirls the noodles between them and scoops up the meat and vegetables on the noodles.

"Uh huh."

I pick up my own sticks and give it a try. I manage the noodles well enough but the rest is beyond me.

I lift the noodles to my mouth, the broth still dripping from the ends and take a bite.

I've never tasted the flavor before, a bit of sweetness and salt and it is strange but delicious.

"Try picking them up separately. It's easier."

He has a piece of meat between his two sticks and I lean over, stealing the bite.

"Mmm," the meat has a sharper spice than the one I had at the market, practically melting in my mouth, "that's really good."

"Glad you like it."

Laughter escapes me at his dry tone. Clearly he didn't appreciate me stealing his food.

"Here," I manage to spear a piece of meat, "since I stole yours."

I lift it up to his mouth and with a cocked eyebrow, takes my offering.

I grin at him and go back to my own meal. Several minutes of peaceful silence between us as we eat.

Our bowls are quickly emptied and I sit back, feeling better.

"I hope you left room."

"For what?"

"Desert."

"What...oooh!"

I'm already leaning forward as the droid puts a single bowl in front of us.

The desert is on fire, a soft blue flame that licks around the edges. A mound of white cream and red syrup, chunks of something brown in the mix.

"How do we eat it?"

It looked so pretty, I didn't want to destroy it.

Ben picks up one of the two spoons, the cream and syrup on fire but the chunks remain untouched and he blows out the flame with a soft breath.

He hands me to the spoon. "Go ahead, try it."

I need no other prompting and close my mouth around it.

I thought it would be hot, but it's not. Cool sweetness, a slight touch of bitter with a hint of fruit.

I close my eyes in utter bliss at the taste.

"Oh this is so good..." I dig in for another bite...only to realize Ben is watching me, not actually eating.

I lift out the spoon and blow out the flame.

"Come on, open."

He blinks at me, "I ordered this for you."

"I'm sharing."

"Are you offering to feed me?"

A low, sensual purr that has me moving closer.

"Yes," I tell him lifting the spoon to his mouth, "so open up."

His mouth closes around my offering, his eyes never leaving my face.

I never knew eating with another person like this could be so...intimate.

I turn my eyes away, a feeling of shyness coming over me.

I use the food in front of me as an excuse to not meet his eyes, my face feels hot but I can't help but glance up at him.

He's leaning against his fist, watching me with secrets in his eyes.

I offer him another bite, just to give myself something to do and he accepts it.

That fluttery feeling is back but for some reason I'm having fun feeding him. I've never done this with anyone else. The desert vanishes in short work between us and as Ben lets me have the late bite, I can't help feeling disappointed that it ended.

We leave the same way we entered, hand in hand.

The sun is already turning the sky crimson and amethyst, the temperature cooling.

This day is almost over with. Soon I'll have my missing part...and then I will have to leave.

Leave him.

I turn away viciously from the thought.

"So...how far to the warehouse district?"

"It's a bit of a walk by foot. If we take a transport, not long."

"I don't mind walking if you don't."

I want to tell myself it's because one of us is bound to be noticed if we take the public transport but it's a lie.

I just...don't want to share him with anyone else.

Not when I have so little time left with him.

"No," he tucks my hand firmly into his, "I don't mind. Let's go."

We keep to an easy pace and that peaceful silence from the bar remains and I cannot help but note that there are other couples on the street, who give us knowing smiles but nothing more.

A few of the women eye my tall escort and give me approving looks.

My face hurts, I'm grinning so hard.

"What has that look on your face?"

"What look?"

"If your smile gets any wider, I fear you might pull a muscle."

I lean my head against his arm and despite our height, we match our stride perfectly.

"I just...I'm having a good day. Isn't that reason enough to smile?"

I look up at him, his dark eyes staring at me with bemusement.

We are losing the daylight with each step we take but Ben seems to know where he's going and I turn my thoughts, with difficulty, away from him.

"So...how much trouble do you think we're going to run into."

I don't trust Praksis. There is something about him that sets my teeth on edge and it wasn't because of the way he was leering at me earlier.

"Expect an ambush."

I sigh and lift my head from his shoulder.

"Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. How come you didn't tell me the crystal cradle is illegal to obtain?"

No wonder it took me over a month to actually find one and only because of Maz.

"That particular order came down after...I joined."

He didn't mention Snoke or the First Order. He didn't have to, his words were clear enough.

"Why? I mean about the part? What was the point?"

"To track potential Jedi. The crystal cradle, among a few select pieces, can only be used for one purpose. To forge a lightsaber."

It made sense. A cruel, malicious kind of sense.

"I see...so if a person wanted those parts in particular..."

"Then _he _would have known that there was another potential Jedi out there."

He could then use that knowledge to turn those who had potential...or kill them before they became a threat.

"We're almost there. Stay alert."

Reluctantly I let go of his hand and keep my finger on butt of my blaster. I stretch out my Force sense and detect several life energies...but nothing helpful. This was a warehouse and even with night falling, there was still work to be done.

"Well...damn."

I know Praksis said to meet him at the warehouse district but I hadn't realized it was so massive.

Dozen's upon dozen's of containers sat in the open, an intricate maze that made it almost impossible for me to guess the actual size of the place.

"A good spot to lay a trap. Wouldn't you agree?"

His words are cool and I can feel the coiled tension in him. He doesn't like this more than I do and I am glad he is here with me.

"Mmhmm. Follow my lead."

I move towards what looks like the front entrance, a civilian standing at attendance.

"Who are you? Why are you here?"

"My name is Rey. This is my partner Ben. We're here about some merchandise."

"Warehouse is closed. Come back in the morning, during normal hours."

I narrow my eyes at him, noting the blaster at his side and the comm unit on his wrist.

Time to take a gamble.

"Fine," I tell him without moving, "but then you can let Praksis know that he just lost a marker."

His eyes widen and he takes a step back.

I thought as much. He is no warehouse worker.

"Wait...what was the name again?"

"Rey."

"Rey what?"

"Just Rey."

He moves off to the side, speaking softly into the piece on his wrist.

A few minutes passes and he comes back, a cold smile on his face.

"My mistake. You're expected."

"Great. Where?"

I give a pointed look at all the containers.

"Go straight down, past the fifth container and take a left, keep walking until you get to the third container."

I nod my head and Ben is at my side but the guard shakes his head.

"I wasn't told you would have...company. Only you."

I fold my arms. I know this trick, he's trying to separate us.

"Tell Praksis my name," Ben tells the guard in that soft voice filled with shadows, "go on, we'll wait."

The guard gives Ben a nervous look and retreats, speaking quickly into the comm.

He comes back to us in less time that before.

"You...you both can go in."

I don't trust this sudden compliance but Ben is a silent shadow at my back and I move past the man.

"Trap?" I keep my voice low as I count containers and follow the instructions.

"Most assuredly."

"Any chance we'll actually make it out alive...and in one piece?"

There, the fifth container, I turn left and undo the clasp holding my blaster in place.

"You have me. What does that tell you?"

Pure arrogance and I can feel some of the tension loosen in my muscles at his tone.

A moment of amusement but then we are at the third container and that feeling evaporates as I get a good look at what is waiting for us.

Praksis, of course, but not alone.

Most definitely not alone.

He has seven others with him and one of them I recognize from the alley only hours ago.

The leader that Ben had knocked unconscious. Clearly not hard enough.

The bells in the city begin to ring loudly and Praksis steps forward, the smile on his face cold and cruel.

"Rey, right on time. Welcome."

I move towards him, my footfalls silent thanks to the insulation on the bottom of my boots, and get within three feet of him.

"Some welcome," I fold my arms and flicker my eyes to the...people he's brought with him, "a bit much for a simple transaction wouldn't you agree?"

"Yet I see you brought someone with you," he levels Ben with an insolent stare, "whom I thought was just a 'passing' acquaintance?"

"Funny I don't remember mentioning Ben as any such thing. He's my partner."

"So that 'fight' at the bar was for my benefit?"

I wave my hand at his words, "That was real...but we never stay mad at each other for long."

"I wonder," he tells me softly but his eyes remain on Ben, "if you know him as well as you think you do."

My gut tightens and again I wish I knew what those two had discussed when I had been cooling my heels outside the bar.

But that was neither here nor there.

"Enough," I tell him and allow my impatience to leak through, "do you have my item or not? Patrols could be along any minute and I don't want to answer awkward questions that might come up if we're spotted."

I had no idea about the regularity of patrols, but I was taking another gamble.

"No need for such worries," he is pulling a small pouch from beneath his coat and I can feel the leashed energy from Ben, "I have men stationed around the entire perimeter."

Damn I was hoping he wasn't going to say that. The idea that we were getting out of here alive was not looking good.

"That's it?" scoffing words as I eye the small, black pouch.

"You doubt me?" Mocking tone as he opens the bag and tips the item out. It gleams faintly in the light...but it is an _exact _copy of my drawing I had shown him.

"So you weren't lying after all." I give him a innocuous smile that bares my teeth and pull out my money.

"You'll have to move closer than that."

I really didn't want to, this whole place was fraying my nerves, but I shrug as if it means little to me and move a few more steps towards him.

I can practically feel Ben's breath on my neck and that is _only _reason I can keep my calm.

I'm now a foot away from him.

"Closer."

I shake my head. "This is close enough." I open my hand and let the credits catch the light.

"Do you want my money or not?"

I can feel the tension in the air, so thick I'm practically choking on it and I want to scream for him to just _do something _before the waiting drives me insane.

He pushes the crystal cradle back in the pouch, dangling it in his hands.

"I think...not."

The pouch disappears back into his coat as he moves backward, the men around him closing in.

"Kill her partner, but keep the woman alive." His voice is bored but his eyes are filled with hate at he looks at Ben.

I have but a moment to lock eyes with Ben, a feral light in his eyes and that is all the time we have left.

We are back to back, I hear the click of his blaster and wish it was his lightsabaer instead.

"Can you get to Praksis?"

Soft words that only I can hear as bloodlust coats the air and they begin to surround us.

Clearly they weren't taking any chances. I guess we had that gang leader to thank for that.

Maybe we should have killed them after all.

"Yes," I whisper back, "but if you think for one minute I'm leaving you alone..."

"I can handle them. Go!"

He turns abruptly and the night is filled the crackle of plasma fire as Ben lets loose a hailstorm, scattering our enemies and giving me a clear path to a narrow-eyed Praksis.

"Don't you _dare _die on me!"

I dive for the opening, firing my own blaster, the screams letting me know I hit a few of them.

The smell of plasma and I barely dodge the blast that cuts through the air, the scorch of burning hair an acrid stink.

I ignore it and focus on the male who is still giving me that death-head grin, retreating into the darkness.

My gun-fire only hits containers and I know he is doing this to draw me away from Ben.

Bastard.

"If you want me," I call out hoping that I get a response, "come and get me yourself you coward."

A shift in the light and I turn, opening fire but he's gone.

Shifty bastard and I keep my senses open.

But not fast enough, he's already behind me, locking his arms around my throat.

Trying to cut off my air flow.

"You shouldn't have brought him," He tells me as we grapple, "I might have let you go otherwise."

He's lying. He never intended to let me go. Not with that many people waiting with him.

I stamp my boot on his instep just as I drive my elbow into his stomach and the two are enough that I twist from beneath his hold, taking in a lungful of air.

I dive as I see the glint of a barrel, managing to duck behind another container.

I have to end this and get back to Ben. I don't care how good he thinks he is, seven against one are not good odds.

"Come out Rey and let's end this. I truly do not like violence."

"Funny," I mutter looking for something I can use against him, the blaster not my favorite weapon of choice, "doesn't look that way to me."

There, just a few meters from me, a long metal pole.

Now that was something I know how to use.

I grab for it, the ring of metal on stone a dead give-away but I'm on my feet and already moving.

Praksis is still aiming for me, but the shots are meant to wound, not kill.

He really wants me alive. For what I don't know and I don't care to ask.

I come at him low, taking a hard swing and hear the crunch of metal on metal as Praksis swears furiously as I knock the blaster from his grip.

He dances out of the way, his moves fluid but I've trained with better than him.

He is no Kylo Ren.

I have to push back the hot rush of anger at the fact that he wants to kill Ben.

I need to keep my focus, despite the fear for Ben wrapping clawed hooks into my soul.

"Why don't you-" His words are cut off as I snap my pole out, his arm coming up to brace the impact, but I am already turning and slam into his unprotected side.

I hear the crunch of bone as I snap ribs and a garbled sound from his mouth.

"That's for me," I snarl at him and twist, coming up behind him as I slam the pole across the side of his face, dropping him to the ground.

Blood pools at his temple and from his mouth but he is motionless.

"And that's for trying to hurt Ben."

I quickly rummage through his coat, finding the small black bag and tucking it safely away.

I don't spare him another look as I race back to where I can still hear blaster bolts being fired.

Don't be dead, don't be dead.

I can barely swallow now, the sound of plasma-fire no longer in the air and the silence is so loud I'm drowning in it.

"Ben! I'm..." I turn the corner with my pose raised and I stop short, "oh!"

The carnage of broken bodies, Ben in the middle of it with his back to me.

He turns at the sound of my voice and I see his clothing splattered with blood...but unharmed.

I'm already running to his side, he's catching me by the waist, pulling me to him.

"Are you hurt?" An urgency in his voice I've never heard and it unlocks the fear squeezing my throat.

I shake my head but there's no time to rest.

I leave his embrace and catch his hand, his blaster is already tucked away.

"Come on, we need to get out of here! There is no way nobody heard that."

He nods his head and we move away from the bodies and from the various positions I don't have to ask if they're dead.

I can see the scorch marks from where Ben must have hit them.

"Here I thought you only knew how to use a saber." I mutter still trying to get over the fact that he took down _seven _armed men by himself.

"My preferred choice of weapon in a fight, but I do know how to use others when needed."

"Obviously."

We come up on one of the stationed guards and I don't even think, I just slam my pole into his unprotected head before he can let out a sound.

He drops like a stone and we keep moving.

"This way," Ben is tugging me back towards the city and I shake my head.

"No, this way, my ship is closer."

"But my guards," and I cut him off.

"Ben your guards are _not _going going to recognize you. You're dressed like a Corellian smuggler and most people are mistaking me for a bounty hunter. They are not going to stand around and wait for you to explain who you are. Let's _go._"

My Force sense is practically drowning me in the knowledge that there are a lot of people on their way here and I don't have time to stand here and argue with him.

I need to him to trust me...

"Your ship will be recognized."

I flash him a relieved smile. "No it won't. Come with me." I flew over the warehouse district when I first landed, not knowing what the place was. Now I do and know where I'm going.

I tug his hand and he moves quickly to my side as we run, quickly, through the shrouded night.

The pole is a weight I no longer need and I cast it aside, our path clearer now.

We make it out of the warehouse district with seconds to spare, I can hear the sound of armor on concrete and my heart in trying to climb back into my throat.

I slam Ben against a wall, pressing my hand to his mouth, as a platoon of Stormtroopers pass by us.

Only when I can't hear them do I let up and nod my head.

"Not much farther," I whisper and we take off again. The docking port for ships, thankfully, is not closed.

I slow down,trying to catch my breath so that we can enter as if we haven't been running for our lives.

"I don't see the Falcon."

He is scanning the area, barely winded, and I seriously don't like him at the moment.

My lungs are burning and I'm gulping air like it's the first breath I've taken in hours.

"Do...I look stupid...to you?"

I see the questions in his eyes as I straighten, rolling my eyes at him.

"I didn't bring the Falcon. Too recognizable and I didn't want to paint a big, fat target on myself when I needed to blend in."

"So then...?"

He lets the question hang in the air and I jerk my head, finally able to breath normally again.

"This way." I glance at his clothing and pray we don't meet up with a dock manager and have to explain why he's covered in blood.

The Force must have been looking out for us because we made it to my ship without incident.

"This is..."

"Interstellar transport from the old Galactic Republic days, decommissioned of course."

She was an old gal but she had been modified so that she could be run with only a single pilot if needs be.

I had to make some minor repairs to her hull and forward drive, but she worked.

I pressed the pad on the side hull as the gangplank opened up.

"Inside, now. Before patrols spot us."

Ben was right behind me as I moved us into my ship and quickly locked her down.

I turned on the recessive lighting, knowing that it was dim enough that it wouldn't be seen from the outside.

The cockpit was small, just enough for two people to sit and pilot, but the main hull opened up into a larger section with the smaller, sleeping quarter off to the side.

I collapse into a chair and lean my head back.

"I can't believe we made it out of there alive. What the hell did you do to piss Praksis off?"

"What makes you think it was about me?"

I open my eyes to see him leaning up against the bulkhead, his eyes guarded.

"Ben, no games. I heard him give the order to have you killed and when I fought him," I closed my eyes still remembering the absolute hatred in his voice when he spoke, "I know what I heard. He hated you...but I get the feeling that you two have never met before today."

"Correct. Until today I have never laid eyes on the man you call Praksis."

I didn't like his wording, there was something there that bothered me. I opened my eyes to ask him...and bolted out of my seat.

"Ben! Your hurt!"

His hand was loose by his side and I could see the blood dripping from his fingers.

"What...oh, this." He lifts his hand and I can see the torn skin around his knuckles, the gashes visible even in the dim light. "It's nothing."

"It's _not _nothing. I can't believe you didn't tell me you were hurt."

I grab his uninjured hand and pull him with me.

"Rey...are you mad at me?"

I glance over my shoulder at him, glaring. "What do you think?"

I snap my head back around and keep moving until we reach my sleeping area. There is a small bathroom attached to it and I know I have an emergency medkit stashed there somewhere.

"Sit." I point to the small cot that's my bed, "Don't move. I'll be right back."

I don't wait to see if does what I tell him, I can hear the cot creaking slightly beneath his weight as the door to the bathroom slides shut behind me.

"Stupid. Stupid, idiot male," I mutter darkly as I ransack the bathroom, locating the medkit from beneath a few stashed towels. "He should have told me sooner."

Here I had been dragging him through the dark, slammed him into a wall and chattering on while he was hurt.

He hadn't said a word.

I slam the kit shut, making sure it had everything I needed and grab a towel to put beneath his hand to catch the blood.

He's sitting on my bed, practically dwarfing it and looking at me with a bemused expression.

"Here, give me your hand."

"Rey I-"

"I said," gritting my teeth, feeling my eyes flash, "Give. Me. Your. Hand."

He snaps his mouth shut and lifts his hand.

I quickly put the towel on his leg and begin cleaning the gashes with antiseptic. I have to wash away the blood so I can see how badly he's hurt.

"Ow."

"Oh, now you let me know you're in pain. Good, I hope it stings like hell."

Despite my surly tone, I'm trying to be gentle. The blood is washed away...and I let out a silent, relieved sigh.

The cuts are deep, but not so deep that he needs a med-droids immediate attention.

"How did you hurt yourself? I didn't think anyone got close to you?"

I pull the green-gunk out of the tube, to seal his wounds. It'll stop any infection from starting.

I feel him wince as I apply it but his voice is calm when he answers me.

"That gang leader from before? Decided that he wanted a rematch. With his fists. I obliged him and broke the spikes on the left side of his jaw for his effort."

Which explained the gouge marks on his hand.

"Why weren't you wearing your gloves?"

Gently I began wrapping his hand, making sure that all of it was covered.

"Corellian smuggler, remember?" I look up to see faint amusement on his face, "they don't wear gloves. Ever."

"Oh." Well what else could I say. I had pointed out earlier that he was dressed like a smuggler.

There he was all done. I repacked the medkit and took the towel away and I came back to find him still seated on my bed.

Dark, liquid eyes look up at me and I feel like weeping and I don't know why.

"Did you get it?"

I have no idea what he's talking about.

"The crystal cradle? Did you get what you needed Rey?"

Why is his voice so gentle when he speaks my name?

I nod my head and pull the pouch from where I had tied it to my waist.

"Here."

I empty into his other hand so he can look at it.

"Well...at least it wasn't a complete waste of time. It's real and as far as I can tell, a viable piece. You won't know until you install it."

He hands me back the part and I tuck it away again.

The silence between us is no longer so peaceful.

"I guess...it's time for me to leave."

_to be continued..._


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note: **Oh boy am I late! *hands together, bowing profusely * Sorry, Sorry! As you know the world has gone crazy and because I am now deemed an 'essential employee' my world imploded at work. So, knowing I was going to be insanely busy...I decided to write the last of this arc all at once. So I am uploading the last **3 **chapters all at once. *Manical grin * Hopefully this makes up for the long wait!

**Disclaimer**: I do not, nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Loving it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

The sound of a blaster fire has me shoving civilians out of my way in my need to get to Rey.

Only a single shot fired, the cry of pain that was not female and I make it to the alley.

Two are already lurking outside and it is easy enough to use the Force on the pair, choking them into silence before they can utter a cry.

A guttural voice speaking, his words coating my vision in red as I come up behind them, my eyes on the woman who has more courage than sense at this moment.

"... put down that weapon and live, in slavery that is, or die in this alley."

Slave traffickers. Here to put my Rey in chains, as if they could.

As if I would let them.

"How about a third option."

My voice carries and I see Rey turn in my direction, the fire in her gaze a burning inferno, a feral smile on her face.

But that is all the time I have to spare her as I grab the nearest one to me, my rage needing an outlet, and I slam his head into the reinforced wall.

The sound of bones breaking is satisfying, but not enough.

Another comes at me and I side-step his swing, bringing my full weight down on the blow that snaps his arm before his face finds my knee.

Another down. Only the leader and the one who guards his back, twin blades in his hands.

"Not so tough, not so tough," he mutters springing at me, and I pivot, reversing our positions just as Rey gives a cry of pain.

"Rey! Switch!"

I'm already bending as she rolls over me, coming to her feet swiftly.

We are now back to back as I face the one who hurt her.

I don't have to worry about being stabbed, Rey can handle that one easily and I shift my attention on my own opponent.

The one who wanted to make a slave of her.

"So the Bount brought a Corellian who knows how to fight?" A cruel smile without mirth on his ugly face, "Should amuse me for a minute before I collect the woman and the girl."

My lack of response to his taunt has the desired effect and he takes a hard swing at me. He has some training that allows him to strike swiftly, but I am faster and turn his blow, catching the side of his body with my own strike.

A grunt of pain as it connects and I hear ribs crack.

Apparently he didn't learn his lesson the last time and takes another swing at me. I let him in close, closing my fist to turn at the right moment...

Now.

The kiss of a breeze across my face as his fist misses me by inches, but leaves him vulnerable.

His skin is abrasive where my fist catches the underside of his jaw, but he is already falling, striking his head against the building where I have maneuvered him close enough to be effective.

"Nice hit."

I turn at the sound of admiration in her voice, oddly pleased by her words. Her opponent is also unconscious at her feet, I can see the blood trickling from his face.

I'm about to compliment her own effectiveness but then she rushes past me at the sound of a tiny, pained-filled voice.

The child who she had chased after.

She is down on her knee's, I doubt she notices the dirt and refuse scattered about, her focus on the child.

She is making, soft soothing noises and I feel the delicate touch of the Force from her.

I wonder if she has any idea that she is using the Force to calm the frightened youngling into trusting her.

I'm curious to see what the girl will do and simply stand back to watch the events unfold.

Her eyes flicker past Rey...and to me.

Wide, frightened eyes full of recognition. I don't know how...but this girl knows who I am.

Rey looks back at me, I can see a glimmer of amusement in her dark eyes, before she focuses on the girl.

"I'm Rey," I hear her tell the Twi'lek, "what's yours?"

"T-Teilu."

"Teilu, that's a pretty name. Do you live close by Teilu?"

Again, subtle Force tendrils wrapping around the girl, enforcing the peace and trust Rey is trying to establish with her.

The girl nods her head furtively, her eyes still going back and forth between Rey and myself.

She is asking the girl where she lives and if she wants to go home.

Telling her that _both _of us would be taking her home, she would be safe.

Fear is starting to replace the peace Rey has woven around the girl as she looks back up at me.

It is a sour taste in my mouth that this youngling looks at me with the same eyes as those who cornered her in this dark alley.

I have never disdained violence, learning early that weakness is exploited by those in power, but seeing her looking at me like that...

Perhaps my time with Rey has softened something in me because I feel...regret...that she had to witness this kind of brutality.

She is, after all, only a child. Innocence her shield to the horrors of life.

Some of that innocence will be lost today.

Rey speaking, but she doesn't look at me and yet I can hear the notes of mischief in her voice.

"I know tall, dark and scary over there is a bit intimidating but let me tell you a secret," Her voice is a staged whisper, I can hear every word clearly and wonder what she is up to, "I know his weakness. He's afraid of spiders."

Of all the ridiculous things to say.

Except it's working because the little Twi'lek is laughing and when she looks past Rey, the fear that had been taking over, is gone.

Replaced by two stronger emotions.

Curiosity and amusement.

Both directed at me.

I can only sigh, conceding to Rey's impromptu plan of getting the girl to trust us enough to get out of here.

Rey is already on her feet, the girl struggling to get to hers.

There is something wrong with her movement and the Twi'lek is whimpering in pain.

"Ben she's hurt." Rey, calling for me as she tries to help the child, "Looks like her ankle." She shifts her body and I can see a small, green leg covered in blood at the ankle.

"Here try and put some weight on it."

Not a good idea and I see the blood begin to pool.

Tears down the youngling's face at the pain but she doesn't make another sound.

A bit of strength in this one. Determination too as she tries to follow Rey's order's.

"Okay, no walking." Rey concludes with a grimace, "Let me-"

But I already have an idea of what she is about to do and I move past her, scooping up the child in my arms.

She is light, weighing barely nothing at all, her bones fragile.

I look down at my small burden, huge eyes that remind me of the sea, stare back up at me.

Rey is at my side, binding her injury with the scarf in her hand.

The girl sniffles and buries her face against my chest, wrapping slender arms around my neck.

She is so light, so young and I could snap her neck without even a thought.

Yet here she is, letting me hold her, putting her trust in me because of the woman at my side.

I haven't held a child like this...since the Jedi training grounds.

Perhaps this wasn't such a great idea after all.

"Hey," a lilting voice, full of laughter as Rey pokes the girl's arm, getting her attention, "that's my man you're cuddling. No keeping."

I know she is teasing, but I cannot help the leap in my pulse that she would claim me before another.

Even if it is only a child.

I lift a brow, wondering if she truly knows what she is saying.

But Rey refuses to meet my eyes and is still fussing over the Twi'lek.

Teilu has stopped sniffing and is laughing at Rey, her hold on me stronger, no longer so fragile.

Now that the girl is calm, Rey is asking where she lives. She rattle off her address, but I do not recognize the part of the city she is describing.

Rey, her eyes meeting mine and I shake my head.

"Hmm okay," blowing out a breath she gives the girl a confidant smile, "Well I guess you can give us directions to your home."

The girl relaxes in my arms as we leave the alley and I slow my stride so that Rey can speak with the girl as she points out different landmarks to us, prodding us on our way.

Such passed this strange time in my life. I had never seen Rey with children before and I was not surprised in the least how well she bonded with the Twi'lek.

All too soon we arrived in a part of town that had seen better days.

It was not the slums, I had my troopers clear those out weeks ago, but not far from it.

The building's were old and there were more abandoned homes than people.

"That one!"

Teilu, sitting up in my arms, pointing to a dwelling where a charm had been hung.

No doubt her mother's idea, so that the girl would know where to find her home if she ever got lost.

Rey and I glance at each and I give a slight nod of my head as she presses the keypad.

"Teilu why are you-oh!"

"Mama!"

The tall, slim Twi'lek who was speaking was an older version on the little girl I now carried in my arms.

Rey was making introductions, the woman called herself Sonia and when her gaze came to rest on me...I saw the awareness in them.

This woman knows _who _I am and that is why her daughter recognized me.

I wait for what her reaction might be, my fingers tightening around the little girl unconsciously, but the woman is already looking past me to her daughter.

Her eyes land on the bright, crimson scarf wrapped around the ankle.

"Teilu!"

Worry and fear in that single name...and it triggers a memory from long ago...

_"Ben!"_

_ My mother, running over to me as blood wells up from the cut on my hand._

_ She looks frantic seeing the blood. "What were you thinking trying to climb so high?"_

_ I pulled the single, blooming flower from behind my back. _

_ "For you, mama."_

_ Tears in my mother's eyes as she took the flower from me, as though it were a priceless treasure._

_ "My brave hero...let's get you cleaned up...and then we'll show your father your newest adventure."_

"It's not a serious wound."

Sonia, the mother, is already unwrapping the scarf to reveal a small, thin line across the ankle. New skin is already healing and there is no trace of blood.

"No," a sigh of relief in her voice and then she looks at her daughter, who is smiling happily in my arms, "but perhaps I think my daughter enjoyed being carried hmmm?"

Sonia pins her daughter with the same sea-gray eyes and to my shock, Teilu giggle and buries her face in my chest, hiding.

I wait for her to take her offspring from me, but she merely gives the child an indulgent smile and turns to Rey.

Leaving me once more with the care of her daughter.

"How did you come to find my daughter in such a condition?"

I wonder how Rey will answer this question without scaring the woman, I can see her hesitating on how to explain when I narrowly miss being slammed in the jaw.

Teilu abruptly pulling her head up, obviously listening in.

"Bad men found me! Ben and Rey saved me!"

Excitement in her voice now, the signs of fear she had shown only a short time ago, forgotten.

Sonia sighs at the antics of her youngling.

"Thank you," She is speaking to Rey but then she surprises me by looking directly at me,"Both of you. For helping my daughter and bringing her back home. Time to get down _sohsi._"

A Twi'lek endearment and finally I give the child back to her mother.

I put her back on her feet, her arms still clinging to me as she lets out a disappointed sigh.

I...didn't expect that.

Sonia folds her arms and looks at the girl who hasn't moved from where I set her down.

"Did you thank these nice people for coming to your aide?"

Nice? I don't believe that word has ever been associated with me...at least not in the past twenty years.

Teilu is avoiding her gaze and I want to tell the woman that is isn't necessary to make the child thank us.

But the little girl surprises me again by turning around and looking at the both of us with solemn eyes.

She turns to Rey first.

Naturally.

Small arms beckon her forward and I watch with faint amusement as Rey gets down on her knee's so the little girl can give her a hug.

"Thank you."

The small Twi'lek releases Rey and I note the faint sheen of moisture in her gaze as she steps back from the youngling.

Now that's done we can take our leave and be...

Teilu is looking at me, making the same motions with her arm at me as she did with Rey.

No fear, only the shyest of smiles on her young face.

I can feel Rey looking at me and with a silent sigh, I get down on one knee before the youngling.

She moves towards me, her eyes dancing.

"Thank you."

The words are barely audible and I have to lean in to catch them...only to find I've been tricked.

The sharp scent of spices and wind, the feel of soft, dry lips on my cheek.

I can only kneel here, stunned by her daring...and her affection.

Teilu is already back behind her mother, a bright smile on her face as she laughs and hides her face from me when I finally look in her direction.

I get to my feet and glance over at Rey.

Her eyes are practically dancing, the grin irrepressible as she looks at me and then to Teilu.

Tricked by a child who barely comes up to her waist.

I don't know whether to be amused at her audacity...or annoyed that I fell for her act of innocence.

I look at the mother, who wears a look I once knew well from my own mother.

Fond exasperation at her child's antics.

Apparently there are somethings that never change through the years.

"Thank you both, again. Is there...anything I can do to repay your kindness to my daughter?"

I will take no reward. I did not go to save the child...I was only there because Rey felt the need to intervene on her behalf.

However I find I do not regret my actions.

"... be passing by. Isn't that right Ben?"

Rey responding for the both us, a sharp look in her gaze as she glances up at me.

Daring me to contradict her words.

Once more I find myself outmaneuvered by a female. She is casting me into the roll of a hero.

I give a nod of my head, not to Sonia, but to Rey for that particular ploy. "That's right." I agree and give the mother a warning as well, "But I wouldn't let your daughter roam the streets alone anymore. She might not be so lucky next time."

I would not tell her, however, that I plan on increasing patrol to extend to this reach of the city and to make sure the open market is no longer rift with slave traders.

Her eyes widen in acknowledgment and she gives a brief bow, grasping he daughter's hand tightly.

"I will remember. Thank you."

_Now _we are done and can take our leave.

Rey and I have only taken a couple of steps when we hear a familiar voice call out to us.

"Bye Ben! Bye Rey!"

We both turn at the same time, Teilu waving at us with great enthusiasm, having stolen away from her mother's firm grip.

She is a precocious child...and I find myself hoping that she makes it through the trials of childhood with her charming nature intact.

Rey and I lift our hands in unison, much to Teilu's delight. She takes off at a run back to her dwelling, the mother catching my eye and only I see the almost imperceptible nod of her head before she returns to her home.

Evening is beginning to set and I have to wonder where the day has gone. I've never felt time slipping so quickly through my fingers like this.

"I think you have an admirer."

I should have known Rey would not be able to resist teasing me over that kiss.

I am only surprised that it took her this long to do so.

"Then it's probably a good thing ," I tell her, reclaiming her hand for my own, somehow feeling bereft without it, "I'm already spoken for."

A reminder that she spoke of claiming me, although I am not such an optimist to think that it was nothing more than a ruse on her part.

I wait for the protest that is sure to come, perhaps some sort of excuse as to why she said those words at all.

I look down, just as the light is captured in her eyes, and there is no teasing, no protest.

Only an almost indiscernible softening as she gazes back at me. At that moment I wonder if I am only imagining what I want to see...and the she tightens her grip on my hand.

"Come on, all that excitement has worked up my appetite. Lets find some food."

She turns her head away from mine, shattering that fragile _something _I felt between us, heading for the open market.

I find that I don't want to share her with the crowded streets.

Not now when I feel time rushing past me, unable to stem the flow.

She stops when she realizes I have refused to follow.

"What? Don't tell me you're not hungry."

That particular light that I witnessed only moments ago is gone from her gaze.

I want it back.

"I am but not for vendor food."

Her lips part silently, sparks swirling in amber and I know she is aware I am not referring to actual food.

I wait for her to ask what I want instead.

"Okay...so you pick where we eat."

I can only shake my head silently as she neatly side-steps the issue. I should know better than to try and cage her by now.

I will let it slide for now and the slight, rueful smile on her lips as I take the lead is not lost on me.

I look for a place to eat...and note one of the better looking bars in the area.

Not an upper-class restaurant, but certainly a step up from the one this morning.

I tug Rey through the door, a delighted grin on her face...for all of a couple of seconds.

The establishment has gone quite silent at our entrance.

I suspect this particular place does not often cater to the persona's we are portraying.

A bounty hunter and a smuggler.

"We don't want any trouble here."

The barkeeper, perhaps the owner from the state of his clothing, eyeing the pair of us with a wary gaze.

Considering the woman I have at my side, that is a distinct possibility.

I can feel her amusement and see the gleam of mischief in her eyes, she is enjoying herself.

I give her a nod and stand aside to let her take the lead.

"Then offer us none," cool words with a touch of sharpness, "and you'll have none. We just want a drink and a _quiet _meal, nothing else."

His eyes are weighing the risks of having a bounty hunter and a Corellian in his establishment, or accepting us and the money we bring.

The faint smile on his face is all I need to know but he inclines his head to Rey.

"Pick any seat you want."

I choose a table that is next to the rear exit. I don't anticipate trouble but I want an opening if something does arise.

It is also farther apart from the rest of the patrons and I will not have to worry so much about being seen or overheard.

That settled, I turn my attention back where it's suppose to be.

On Rey, who is looking at this place without trying to be too noticeable.

"What do you want to eat?"

She is still people watching and hasn't touched the menu yet.

Just then a serving droid comes through with a dish that looks to be _urisuyan, _the live arms of the _cormorian _waving around distinctive.

Rey looks at it with both revulsion and morbid fascination before turning away.

"Something that doesn't wiggle!" She looks slightly green, "I want my food dead when I eat it."

She quickly picks up her menu and I cannot help the amusement that creeps up on me.

She doesn't blink an eye when covered in blood and stinking of refuse yet shudders at the sight of live food being served in a bar.

I must have made a sound because Rey abruptly dropped her menu to look at me, suspicion alight in her gaze.

Her eyes slide back to her menu a moment later but I can see the apprehension on her face.

The menu has more than few items I doubt she has encountered in her travels.

"Do you trust me?"

Her eyes flicker back up to me and the menu I've set aside, I know what I want and I want Rey to try it as well.

Again I see suspicion but it is tempered by the humor present as well.

"Yes," and that is all I need to hear and quickly remove the menu from her hand, "hey!"

"You said you trusted me, remember?"

She did ask me to pick the food this time around and I intend to hold her to her word.

"I...oh," clarity in her eyes, "oh!"

She lets go of the menu just as the droid comes over to our table.

"Two _inosuriki _dishes."

The droid leaves and I discreetly tap the panel on the table to add another dish to the menu.

A surprise for my Rey.

She is gazing after the droid, a puzzled look on her face.

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

"Ben!"

Laughter and consternation as she calls out my name and I cannot help but give her a smug look.

After all what is the point of surprises if one already knows the answer.

Her eyes gleaming, I watch as she maneuvers around to my side, now I am the one looking at her with mild suspicion.

She is up to something, I am starting to know that particular brand of mischief on her face.

"Rey wh-"

She scatters my thoughts, steals the words from my tongue as she presses her mouth to mine.

My arm around her waist, needing to feel the heat of her body as her tongue licks the seam of my mouth.

She releases me, taking my breath with her, but does not leave the curve of my arm.

She looks rather pleased with herself.

"What," I have to take a drink and gather my wits, "was that for?"

"Because I wanted to," tart amusement accompanied by a lift of her shoulder that brushes her hair across my arm, "you didn't like it?"

"I didn't say that."

Of course I liked it, so much so that I wish she would do it again. But I knew she wouldn't.

When it came to open affection, she had a reserved nature and that is why I cherished her small acts of open affection.

My fingers find the ends of her hair, silken threads that bring me pleasure to be able to touch and we sit here, she and I, in a peaceful silence that is all too rare for us.

Our food arrives, an interruption of the quiet moment we were sharing and she shifts in my arms, staring at the bowels with ill-concealed apprehension.

Clearly she is still dwelling on the _urisuyan _dish from earlier until she can see the bowl clearly.

A delighted look in her eyes as she looks over the food I ordered.

Thick noodles in a light broth, meat and vegetables heavily laden.

A rather impressive recreation of _inosuriki. _The scent wafting from it was also promising.

Rey, moving from beneath my arm, so that we can eat.

I grab her hand, not letting her slide more than a few inches. Already I feel the cold invading me where her warmth had been.

"You can sit by me and still eat your food."

Flickering amusement as she glances at my hand holding her in place, but she doesn't fight me.

She does, however, take back her hand to eat properly. I wait to see if she will try to move again but she seems content to stay at my side.

It is enough and I turn back to the food, my hunger making itself known.

"Do I use a spoon or a fork with this?"

She is looking at her bowl, her brow furrowed with bewilderment.

Clearly she has never had _inosuriki _before and I am pleased to be the first to share it with her.

"Neither," I tell her, pulling apart the lacquered sticks used for this particular dish, "like this."

I quickly capture and twirl the noodles between the two sticks, making a ball and scoop up the floating meat and vegetables onto it.

"Uh huh."

She does not sound convinced as I put the food into my mouth.

Delicious, just the right mixture of spices. A touch of sweetness with a balance of saltiness so that it doesn't overwhelm the flavor.

I watch Rey capture to the noodles, but she doesn't have the dexterity yet to form the ball so that the rest doesn't slip through.

The blissful smile on her face when she tastes the noodles is a pleasure all on its own for me.

She tries again, but the meat and vegetables keep sliding off her noodles.

I take pity on her, remembering my first attempts with the sticks.

"Try picking them up separately," I show her by capturing a piece of meat between the two tips, "It's easier."

Before I can say more, she is leaning over, stealing the bit of meat from me.

"Mmm," closed eyes and a hum of pleasure at her stolen piece, "that is really good."

She makes eating a sensual art, her love of food more than apparent to my eyes.

It made me want to feed her from my hand, just to give her that pleasure.

"Glad you like it."

Her eyes open as laughter escapes her and I wonder what she finds so amusing.

"Here," she uses the pointed end like a tiny dagger and spears a piece of meat, "since I stole yours."

She is holding the end up to me and I suddenly find that I don't mind being fed by Rey.

I take her offering, the grin on her face my reward as she goes back to her own meal.

She can put away food quicker than anyone I know, but my hunger is just as ravenous and the meal is consumed in short order.

A soft, happy smile on her face as leans back, her hand resting on her stomach.

"I hope you left room."

Sleepy curiosity in her gaze.

"For what?"

"Dessert."

The droid is coming over with the surprise I ordered for Rey.

"What-oooh!"

A dessert that is popular on Coruscant, or at least it was a few years ago and something that I doubt Rey has seen.

Soft blue flame lick around the edges. A mound of white cream and red syrup, chunks of dark chocolate to balance out the overwhelming sweetness.

I am not overly fond of sweet food, but this is one that I do enjoy on a rare occasion.

The look in her eyes, such innocent delight, is well worth the extravagant price to have this made.

"How do we eat it?"

I pick up the spoon, blue flames and sweet cream in the dip, but the chocolate remains untouched as I blow out the flame.

"Go ahead, try it."

She is already reaching for the spoon, the deep pleasure in her gaze one I will remember for years to come.

I did not realize, until this moment, the intimacy two people could share just over food.

I thought of food as simple fuel that the body needed to keep going, but watching Rey and the absolute delight she took in eating, has given me cause to reconsider my previous notion.

"Oh this is so good..." the moan of pleasure from her lips spikes the pulse in my veins but she has stopped eating.

She's looking at me with careful eyes.

I watch as she scoops up another mouthful on the spoon.

"Come on, open."

Coaxing demand from her as she refuses to take another bite.

"I ordered this for you." I wasn't expecting to eat it, I wanted her to enjoy the small treat.

"I'm sharing."

I eye the spoon...and the woman holding it.

"Are you offering to feed me?"

"Yes," a husky response that once more sends my pulse racing as she lifts the spoon to my mouth, "so open up."

I refuse to drop my gaze, wrapping us both in this moment, as I let her slip the sweet confection into my mouth.

She is all wide-eyes and blushing innocence. I barely swallow the food before she turns from me.

She will forever fascinate me. Such contradiction she shows me. Confident to the point of recklessness one moment and then timid and hesitant the next.

She is playing with the food, taking small bites...before glancing up at me, another offering from her.

I take it, if only to please her and give her a reason to keep looking at me with those eyes full of shy affection.

She goes back and forth, eating and feeding me and I am not so stupid as to point out that there are two spoons, not one.

I enjoy having Rey feed me and from the glances she casts my way, I believe she is too.

The bowl quickly empties and I shake my head, letting her have the last bite.

Our meal is done...and I find myself disappointed that this ended so soon. I am not one to linger over any given task but this time with Rey makes everything seem more...alive.

I pay the bill, taking Rey by the hand, as we once more head back into the city.

The air is noticeably cooler, the sky awash in color of the fading sun. It won't be much longer before our rendezvous at the warehouse.

Rey will have her part...and no longer have a reason to stay.

She will leave me, again.

"So...how far to the warehouse district?"

If I did not know absolutely that Jedi mind tricks could not work on me, I would swear the woman has the ability to pull the thoughts from my head.

I look around the cityscape, remembering the map I had memorized earlier.

"It's a bit of a walk by foot," I reply, thinking quickly, "If we take a transport, not long."

I would rather walk. I detest public transports, too many unknown factors, but the truth is I don't want to share Rey with whatever time we have left together.

"I don't mind walking if you don't."

I look down at Rey and see a strange, fierce light on her face.

Perhaps she is not reading my mind but we are simply sharing the same thought.

"No," I entwine our fingers, palm to palm, "I don't mind. Let's go."

The streets are no longer so crowded, a few people out for a walk in the setting sun.

Mostly in groups of two and they tip their head in our direction. A curious reaction.

I want to ask Rey what she thinks about their strange behavior, only to see her face glowing, a delighted smile on her face.

"What has that look on your face?"

I don't recall anything that could have put that look on her face.

"What look?" She is still grinning at me, swirling amber catching the dying light.

"If your smile gets any wider," and it does, impossibly, "I fear you might pull a muscle."

Now I really want to know what has her this happy.

She shifts closer, leaning her head against my arm and I slow my pace automatically, so she can lean on me without stumbling.

"I just...I'm having a good day," lilting softness that is her voice, "Isn't that reason enough to smile?"

Just then another male passes close to us and he gives me a rueful smile, his gaze lingering on the woman at my side...and a tip of his head.

I now know what those strange looks were from the others.

They assumed Rey and I were just another couple out enjoying the evening air.

Is that why she was smiling? Because others believed us to be...together.

She looks up at me and the question is on my lips...but I cannot ask and break this lingering peace between us.

Not when I know she will be leaving me.

So I turn my eyes away and focus on the task at hand. Getting us to the Warehouse District.

I will not rush our parting.

"So...how much trouble do you think we're going to run into."

Her thoughts are running parallel to mine. She does not have to mention a name, considering who we are meeting up with.

"Expect an ambush."

A resigned sigh and she pulls her head from my arm and I already miss the weight of her leaning on me.

"Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too," a pause and I hear annoyance in her next words,"How come you didn't tell me the crystal cradle is illegal to obtain?"

I had been wondering when we were going to get around to that.

"That particular order came down after...I joined."

When Snoke realized just how many other Padawan I had brought with me when I defected from Skywalker.

"Why? I mean about the part? What was the point?"

Rapid-fire questions that skated around the words like _First Order _and _Snoke. _

"To track potential Jedi," to allow _me _to track them, "The crystal cradle, among a few select pieces, can only be used for one purpose. To forge a lightsaber."

I glance down at her, her brow furrowed in concentration at my answer.

"I see...so if a person wanted those parts in particular..."

"Then _he _would have known that there was another potential Jedi out there."

Then I would be sent to persuade them to join the First Order...or kill them before they had a chance to become a threat.

There is a reason I am called the Jedi Killer.

Our conversation has brought us to the marker that divides the civilians from the industry.

"We're almost there. Stay alert."

Reluctantly I allow her to pull our hands apart. We were going to need both if this turned into a fight.

Which it is was going to. The Force allowed me to sense the malevolence coating the air, at least eight individuals whose minds were set on violence.

I disliked leaving my saber behind but I needed to blend in and I am the only individual in the entire galaxy that carries a red saber.

However I did not need the weapon of a Sith to deal with these swamp rats.

"Well...damn."

Rueful recognition in her voice as we reach the beginning of the warehouse district.

"A good spot to lay a trap," the containers were laid out in an intricate maze, covering several miles of spacing that would take more than a dozen platoons to fully cover, "Wouldn't you agree?"

There is only the two of us and if Anu'ul betrays Rey I will wash this warehouse with his blood and those he brought with him.

"Mmhmm. Follow my lead."

Her attention is focused on a lone figure standing sentry at one of the four openings to the inside.

I let her get ahead of me, guarding her back from unseen threats.

I don't like the feel of this place and I want Rey as far away from here as possible but I know that will not happen.

She isn't about to leave without that lightsaber piece and trying to talk into leaving will only be an exercise in futility.

"Who are you? Why are you here?"

Hostile words, accompanied by the threat of violence from what should only be a civilian worker.

"My name is Rey," calm words with her own brand of arrogance, "This is my partner Ben. We're here about some merchandise."

It is an effort to keep the disbelief from showing when she declares me her partner.

I knew we were growing closer...but to say that...we were definitely going to have a discussion when all of this was done and over with.

"Warehouse is closed," sneering disdain and I note his finger on the blaster at his side, "Come back in the morning, during normal hours."

Civilian are not allowed to carry open weapons in the city.

One of men on the payroll for Anu'ul then.

It would seem that he no longer wished to keep his life after all.

If he wants to court death so arrogantly then I will oblige him.

Rey call's his bluff, knowing full well that she was expected.

The guard falter's beneath the cold fury in her words and quickly checks in with his boss.

He comes back with a malicious smile on his face.

"My mistake," oily words that have me pressing my finger on my blaster, "You're expected."

"Great," she sounds bored as she glances through the metal weaving, "where?"

The guard rattles off instructions and I note the placement and possible alternatives for ambushes as Rey motions for me to come with her.

The guard looks at me, displeasure evident that she is not alone.

"I wasn't told you would have...company," sneering dismissal at my presence, "Only you."

I tire of his paltry display of power.

"Tell Praksis my name," I wrap the Force around my words and none to gently project them at the guard wasting our time, "go on, we'll wait."

I silently promise him a prolonged death if he tries any more evasions.

The guard is not as stupid as he appears and we have our answer within seconds of my asking.

"You...you both can go in."

The man is no longer so dismissive, in fact he is looking at me with something close to terror in his eyes.

Good. It might keep him alive just a little longer.

I follow Rey past the gates, her movements slow and precise.

I am close enough that I can practically feel the tension radiating off of her.

"Trap?" her voice is just barely a whisper but I hear it clearly. Along with the apprehension she cannot quite hide.

"Most assuredly."

"Any chance we'll actually make it out alive...and in one piece?"

I wonder if she is trying to amuse me on purpose with her little jokes.

"You have me. What does that tell you?"

As if I would let her come to harm.

I hear that nearly inaudible huff of laughter at my reply and there is no more time for banter.

We've arrived.

Anu'ul along with a handful of men at his side.

It appears his 'other' business that he spoke of was to hire a few more mercenaries.

The violence in the air spikes another degree as I get a good look at one the men about to die this night.

The slave trafficker from earlier today.

Teilu's tormentor.

The bells in the city go off in a cacophony of noise that lasts for several seconds before dying down.

Anu'ul steps forward, his golden eyes focused on Rey alone.

He exchanges pleasantries. Her reply is short and insouciant.

While she keeps him busy, I take in the enemy.

Of the seven, only two of them give me a slight pause.

One was a _Kessurain _male, his elongated ears and crimson skin unique to his species. The sniper rifle held loose at his side spoke of ease and experience with the long-range weapon.

The second was human, male, but the tribal markings that obscured half his face are familiar.

A bounty hunter that went by the name of Simir, the chain whip coiled in his hand a crude replica of a praetorian's plasma whip.

The gang leader and the other four with him are nothing more than hired muscle, meant to intimidate us.

My name is mentioned and I turn my attention back to Anu'ul and Rey.

Who are still verbally sparring with each other.

Anu'ul is looking at me with ill-concealed hatred.

"I wonder," hard words with a cruel edge, "if you know him as well as you think you do."

Ah, the old ploy of trying to drive a wedge between companions. It might have been effective on anyone else but the two of us.

We have shared too much of each other to be so easily manipulated.

Rey proves me right with her response.

"Enough," impatience and the stirring of anger that have Anu'ul frowning, "do you have my item or not? Patrols could be along any minute and I don't want to answer awkward questions that might come up if we're spotted."

My patrol patterns are erratic, so as to confuse anyone trying to find a weakness to exploit, but it is a well-timed bluff from her.

Though I am sure Anu'ul has compensated for the irregular checks.

"No need for such worries," he assures her pulling a small, traveler's pouch into his hand, "I have men stationed around the entire perimeter."

I no longer have to 'guess' if Anu'ul is planning to betray us. His words have already confirmed that he will not let us leave.

I feel the tension in Rey but I cannot do anything until he shows me he has what she came for.

I will not have her leave here empty-handed after going through such effort.

Once more they throw words at each other and I see the glint of metal tumbling from the black pouch.

One crystal cradle. There is no mistaking that design.

Only one reason he is showing this to Rey.

Bait.

He was telling her to move closer and I felt, more than saw, the slight shudder of revulsion his words produced.

But she did as he asked and I moved in her shadow, the lock on my blaster released.

"Closer."

We are but a foot away from him, the predatory gleam in his eyes unmistakable.

"This is close enough," steel and defiance is her answer, "do you want my money or not?"

"I think," his eyes turn on me, malevolent with hate, "not."

The cradle vanishes back into the bag as his men close ranks.

"Kill her partner," he sounded almost bored, as though the outcome was already decided, "keep the woman alive."

Rey and I lock eyes, the heat of battle alight in amber and that is all the time we have to spare.

Back to back as the enemy circles us, my blaster in hand.

I can see Anu'ul further back, the gleam of gold unmistakable even in this semi-darkness.

"Can you get to Praksis?"

As much as I desire to relieve his head from his body, I am the only one with enough battle experience to take on all these men and survive.

Better to let Rey take on a single foe.

"Yes," a harsh whisper, "but if you think for one minute I'm leaving you alone..."

Her obvious concern for me is fuel to my flame.

"I can handle them," I open fire on the men surrounding us, the sudden barrage turning the air a hazy red, "go!"

They scatter like leaves in the wind, dark fury on Anu'ul's face.

A cold void at my back where Rey dived through the path I just created for her.

"Don't you _dare _die on me!"

If there was ever an order I dare not disobey, this would be it.

Rey returns fire, catching one of the men across the face as he goes down, flesh and hair burn the air with an acrid tang.

Anu'ul has retreated, no doubt being pursued by Rey. I no longer have to fear that she will be caught in the crossfire and I let the battle rage take over.

A blur of figures, the burn of plasma as I turn the bolts away and send them back to ones who fired.

Cries of agony before silence and two are dead. Five to go, including the _Kessurain _and Simir.

The slave trafficker sends his other two after me, hoping to corner me but I am already moving, coming up behind one and using him as my shield as the other fires.

I turn his blaster on his partner and now there is only the three left.

The hum of power, my Force sense screaming at me as I dodge a burst of fire from above me.

The _Kessurain _has managed to climb one of the containers and is taking aim at me.

I reach out, feeling his life energy in mygrip and pull, _hard. _His body is airborn just as I spot Simir out of my peripheral vision and I swing the _Kessurain _body at the bounty hunter.

Dead weight slams into the human male, tangling in the whip he has just uncoiled.

Two more shots, both to the head and now it is only the gang leader.

"Impressive," the flash of vermilion as he comes at me with bare fists, dodging my blaster with a skill I had not anticipated.

I holster the weapon and take the impact, turning and sweeping my leg out, but it is only a glancing blow.

He is already back on his feet, his fist aimed for my head. I'm already spinning out of reach, coming up on his side as I backhand him across the jaw.

The jagged edge of the spikes dig into my flesh as they snap off and blood sprays across me.

A howl of pain splits the air and I am behind him before he can recover.

My hands around his head as I give a vicious twist, breaking the vertebra between head and neck.

I let go, his body dropping to the ground, a lifeless corpse that will never makes slaves of little girls ever again.

"Ben!" Rey, the lilt of her voice like music in the darkness, "I'm...oh!"

I turn just as she comes into view, her eyes impossibly wide as she takes in the seven dead bodies scattered around me.

I wait for the hesitation, the revulsion that will settle in when she realizes just how well trained a killer I am.

But she doesn't falter, running at me with a blaze of panic in her dark eyes.

I see the metal rod in her hand, smell the blood and ice runs in my veins.

I catch her by the waist, searching for any sign of injury.

I have taken too long with those seven. I should have been quicker to get to her side.

"Are you hurt?"

If there is even so much as a scratch on her, I will replicate every injury, every hurt on Anu'ul until death will seem like a mercy.

But she is shaking her head at me, her eyes no longer so frantic as she takes my hand, pulling me away from the death I have just delivered.

"Come on, we need to get out of here! There is no way nobody heard that." The urgency in her voice shakes the bloodlust from my mind and I nod my head, letting her lead the way.

She steps around the bodies with barely a flicker of her eyes.

"Here I thought you only knew how to use a saber."

Shock with a tinge of admiration in her tone.

Considering who my parents are, it shouldn't have come as that big of a surprise.

"My preferred choice of weapon in a fight," more versatile and greater power, "but I do know how to use others when needed."

"Obviously."

Droll reply and I feel the brush of dark amusement at her response.

We're near the entrance and I see the guard.

So does Rey as she lifts the metal rod and slams it across the head of Anu'ul's lookout.

He drops but not before I reach out with the Force so his dead weight does not make noise and give away our position.

We clear the gate and I can see the lights of the city in the distance.

"This way," I grab her hand, intent on taking her back with me to base, my only thought for her safety.

She's resisting me, stubbornly pulling me in the opposite direction I want to go in.

"No, this way, my ship is closer."

My patrol will be here within minutes.

"But my guards," she cuts me off before I can finish.

"Ben your guards are _not _going going to recognize you," frustration and fear in her voice, "You're dressed like a Corellian smuggler and most people are mistaking me for a bounty hunter." Pleading in her eyes as she looks up at me, once more tugging on my hand, "They are not going to stand around and wait for you to explain who you are. Let's _go._"

I can stand here and argue and possibly end up getting us killed in the process, or I can trust her instincts and follow her lead.

"Your ship will be recognized."

The Falcon might be a flying relic but it was a recognizable relic.

She flashes me a smile that has far too many secrets considering our present situation.

"No it won't," again that soft pleading, "Come with me."

As if I could simply walk away after everything we've done together.

When she tugs on my hand for a third time I let her lead me away and she sets a fast pace, trying to keep ahead of the patrols.

But we've lingered too long and I can hear the familiar sound of armored feet on the ground.

Rey moves with a speed that astounds me as she slams me up against a wall and I feel the flash of burning pain in my left hand as it connects.

Her mouth is across mine, the press of her body a pleasant distraction from the pain crawling up my arm.

She doesn't move, I can barely detect her breathing as a platoon passes us by, unseen and unheard.

She pulls her hand from my mouth when we can no longer hear the clamor of their suits.

"Not much farther," she whispers as we take off running again like fugitives, and I know the direction she is headed.

It leads to the docking port.

It is one of the locations that remains open throughout the night. We slow our run into a walk and Rey stops, her hands braced on her knee's.

She sounds slightly out of breath. She was going to have to work on her endurance if she wanted to master the Jedi arts.

I scan the ships docked, looking for a familiar hull.

"I don't see the Falcon."

That should have been impossible, the dockyard was not so full that a large ship like the Falcon could be hidden so easily.

"Do...I look stupid...to you?"

A soft growl in her voice, eyes flashing amber fire as she answers me.

I have never thought her stupid, reckless yes, but not idiotic.

Unlike _some _of her companions.

She straightens, the color vivid against her pale skin and she has the temerity to roll her eyes at me.

"I didn't bring the Falcon," exasperation warring with smug satisfaction as we move through the docks, "Too recognizable and I didn't want to paint a big, fat target on myself when I needed to blend in."

Clever and sneaky.

"So then..."

I let my question trail off, awaiting her response.

She jerks her head, her voice no longer holding a growl of annoyance from earlier.

"This way."

She moves with purpose but I see her eyes constantly searching for the dock master.

For once we meet with no opposition and Rey leads me to something I haven't seen out side of a museum.

"This is..."

"Interstellar transport from the old Galactic Republic days, decommissioned of course."

I can hear the grin in her voice without even looking at her. She pats the side of the ship as if it were a pet she was overly fond of.

Her fingers find the keypad that releases the gangplank.

"Inside, now. Before patrols spot us."

I need no second prompting to follow Rey into her ship. She quickly has it locked down behind us as she moves through the main hull, throwing random switches to light our way.

I watch as she collapses into a battered chair, the tight pinch of fear from earlier leaving in slow degree's.

"I can't believe we made it out of there alive," I cannot tell if she is happy or just in shock that we survived, "What the hell did you do to piss Praksis off?"

Her eyes open on heels of that aggressive question.

I know exactly what I did. I asked about Exegol and proved to him that there is at least one Sith still very much alive in the galaxy.

But she does not need to know that.

At least not yet.

"What makes you think it was about me?"

The adrenaline from earlier is leaving me and I feel the crash of weariness on its way.

I lean my body up against the bulkhead, wondering how much she already suspects.

"Ben, no games," exhaustion and I am certain she is close to burnout as I am, "I heard him give the order to have you killed and when I fought him," pain etches dark grooves around her mouth, "I know what I heard. He hated you...but I get the feeling that you two have never met before today."

She is feeling around for answers, trying to draw them out of me.

"Correct," there is a steady pulse of pain around my hand that is making it hard for me censure my words, "Until today I have never laid eyes on the man you call Praksis."

"Ben!" I snap my eyes open, not even realizing I had closed them, to see Rey leap out of the chair, "You're hurt!"

"What...oh, this." I lift my hand to see blood running freely, as far as wounds go I've had much worse, "It's nothing."

"It's _not _nothing," the sharp bite of anger directed at me, "I can't believe you didn't tell me you were hurt."

She is grabbing my other hand and I can clearly see she is upset.

"Rey," why do I feel like the floor is being pulled out from beneath me, "...are you mad at me?"

She turns her head, the flash of fire that burns right through me at her gaze, "What do you think?"

She doesn't give me a chance to reply, or explain, as she marches me further into her ship.

A sharp left as we pass through a constricting doorway...that leads to a small sleeping quarter.

A narrow looking bed and a silver door off to the side that I can only assume is her bathroom.

"Sit." she points to the cot, calling it a bed is overly optimistic, the only piece of furniture in the small space, "Don't move. I'll be right back."

Considering that she is practically vibrating with anger I do as instructed.

I am still trying to figure out why she is angry as she stalks into the bathroom, the sound of a small typhoon going off behind the doors.

I have little time to gather my thoughts when she comes back out, a small medkit and clean towel in her hands.

"Here, give me your hand."

An imperious gesture fit for an empress.

But I am covered in blood and violence and that is not how I want Rey to see me.

"Rey I-"

"I said," soft, crooning words that make the darker emotions that live in me pulse with attention, "Give. Me. Your. Hand."

My fatigue from earlier is no longer a concern, I am more awake now than the battle I just faced.

Molten amber, sparked with gold gazing at me with absolute expectation in being obeyed.

My hand is up, whatever excuse I was going to make no longer relevant.

She slides the towel onto my leg, taking the ruins of my hand in her own.

Her eyes are still livid, but her touch...she caresses my hand as if I was about to break.

Until, that is, she applies the antiseptic. Dipping my hand into open flame might hurt less.

"Ow."

"Oh, now you let me know you're in pain," Cutting words as she continues to wipe away the blood and ruined skin, "Good, I hope it stings like hell."

She might have meant for her words to hurt me...except that her touch is the gentlest I have ever felt.

I am starting to wonder if her anger isn't _at _me but _for _me.

Because I was injured...and didn't tell her.

"How did you hurt yourself?" A quiet question, cool but not with the asperity from a minute ago, "I didn't think anyone got close to you?"

She's pulling a green tube from the medkit and I know that particular sealant is going to hurt.

Even expecting it, I cannot quite hold back the shudder as it hits the open wounds on my hand.

I divert myself from the pain by answering Rey.

"That gang leader from before?" A brief nod of her head that she remembered him, "Decided that he wanted a rematch. With his fists," the last mistake he would ever make, "I obliged him and broke the spikes on the left side of his jaw for his effort."

At the time battlelust had flowed through me, negating the pain I accumulated.

"Why weren't you wearing your gloves?"

I blink at her odd comment. Why would she think...and then I know.

She was thinking of me as Kylo Ren, not...Ben Solo.

I am trying to decide how I feel about this.

Soft bandages wrap around my tender skin, the sealant numbing the ragged edges so that for now, the pain is negligible.

I decide to peruse the safer answer and perhaps lessen her anger towards me.

"Corellian smuggler, remember?" Luminous eyes look up at me, no longer sparking with anger, "they don't wear gloves. Ever."

At least my f-Han Solo never did. Not in any of my memories.

"Oh."

A simple answer, full of chagrin and a slight, sheepish look on her face.

My hand is wrapped, expertly so, and she quickly packs up her belongings without another word and retreats back to the bathroom.

I look at my hand, wondering at her skill and then I remember the life she led before the Resistance.

A scavenger on a backward planet, trying to survive. Medical knowledge would have been essential in order to live.

I hear the soft slide of metal on metal and look up at Rey.

The anger, that living presence I felt earlier from her, gone.

The fires are banked and I see sorrow, her ever persistent companion, back in her eyes.

"Did you get it?"

In all the disarray, the fight and the flight, I never asked.

Confusion reflected back at me and I give her a gentle prompt.

"The crystal cradle? Did you get what you needed Rey?"

Tears fracture the color of her eyes but she is nodding her head and pulling the small, black pouch from around her waist.

"Here."

She opens the bag and drops the piece into the palm of my uninjured hand.

The cradle is heavier than it appears and I turn it to the dim light to get a better look.

"Well," there is a weight in my chest that is making it hard for me to speak, "at least it wasn't a complete waste of time." A small, selfish part of me had hoped this wasn't a true cradle, "it's real and as far as I can tell, a viable piece. You won't know until you install it."

I hand her back the part and hope she doesn't notice the way my hand trembles.

She tucks it away without comment and looks at me, heartbreak and sorrow that cut stronger than any blade through me.

"I guess...it's time for me to leave."

Her words shatter the peace we have built between us.

_To be continued..._


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Love it? Hate it? Everything in between?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

"You can't leave."

I bite my lip and hold my arms close to my body.

His words are quiet but with a command I have come to know. Obsidian eyes, shadows and fire, look up at me and already I can feel myself drowning in them.

I have to shake my head and pull away from his perceptive eyes.

"Ben you know I can't stay. You can't keep me here."

But oh, there was a part of me that wish he would. Now that I have spent time with him, now that he let me see the man behind the mask, I don't know how to leave him.

"Actually, for the time being, I can. No ship can leave this planet until morning."

"Wait...what?"

"The skies are monitored by my scouts as soon as night falls. Any ship caught trying to leave is immediately shot down. No exceptions."

I didn't know that. Of course I hadn't meant to be on this planet for as long as I was.

"I don't understand, why?"

"To cut down on Resistance scouts trying to spy on First Order worlds."

That made sense. If our forces were trying to get intel in and out we normally did it when we were less likely to be seen.

"Oh."

Well that certainly put a halt to my plans.

"Rey," he lifts his hand, shadowed eyes imploring me, "come here."

I'm already reaching out as he pulls me to him, his hand resting on my waist as I stand between his legs.

"Are you so eager to get away?"

"I...that's not playing fair. How can you expect me to answer that?"

"I have no intention of 'playing fair' as you so eloquently put it. You have to stay, at least until morning."

"I know," I sigh and look around, "I can sleep on my ship and take off at first light."

"Let me stay with you."

I can only stare at him, my lips parting.

"I..Ben what are you...I don't..."

A single finger to my lips, effectively halting my ability to speak.

"I'm not asking to make love to you," oh that look in his eyes that has me _almost _wanting to argue, "when I take you as my lover, it will not be on dilapidated starship."

My throat is dry but I manage to push his finger from my mouth so I can speak.

My hands are resting on his shoulders, his on my hips.

I lick my dry lips, watching his eyes turn molten at that small gesture.

"So...if you don't want to," my face is burning and I can't say the words

_make love, "_then what are you asking?"

"I want to hold you in my arms. I want to spend the night by your side."

I look at the cot and it is big enough to hold the two of us, but barely.

I can't believe that I'm actually considering letting him stay. I've never shared my bed with anyone.

He doesn't press me but I can feel the tension in him and as I look back into his eyes, the open yearning in them I already know what my answer is.

"Yes. You can stay."

How many restless nights had I wished for the same thing, if only once?

His eyes widen and now I am the one catching him by surprise.

A firm tug on my waist and he is tumbling me across his lap.

An mortifying squeak leaves my lips as I find myself flat on my back on the bed with Ben leaning over me.

"Be sure about this Rey," he tells me, his fingers running through my tangled hair, "I want no regrets from you in the morning."

There are many regrets I have in my life, too many to count, but this will not be one of them.

Not when I see the vulnerability in his eyes as he stares down at me. Not when I can feel his hand trembling in my hair.

He is not so confidant as he wishes me to believe...and that is my undoing.

I'm reaching to touch his face.

"There won't be," I tell him, rubbing my thumb over his cheekbone, "I'm not a child Ben. I may not be wise in the way of men," and I can't believe I'm admitting this to him, "but I know that I want you to stay."

His fingers tighten in my hair and I can tell he wants to kiss me...but he's hesitating.

I know he said that he wouldn't make love to me, and I have to admit I'm torn both ways about that, but it doesn't diminish the need I have for him.

I lift my head, despite his hold on my hair, and press my lips to his.

It seems that's all the invitation he needed. He's pushing me gently back onto the bed, his mouth taking over and I have my fingers buried in his hair.

The heat of his body pressed against mine is a delicious weight, his fingers stroking my hair and I am surrounded by him.

I've never been drunk, but I think this is what it must feel like.

Intoxicated by the feel of him, the scent of him and I open my mouth wider, wanting all of him.

His fingers tighten on my hip, causing me to arch my back in shocked delight at his possessiveness.

"Rey." my name a dark caress on his lips as they slide down my throat and I don't want him to stop.

"Ben," a whimper escapes me as his hand slides beneath my top, stroking my spine.

His mouth on my neck, his fingers kneading my skin and I feel as though he's burning me alive.

Abruptly he pulls his mouth from me.

His hair is tousled from where I've buried my fingers in it, his eyes pools of darkness threatening to pull me back under.

"This...," his voice is ragged and I cannot help but feel smug at the sound, "is not...what I had in mind."

"No?" I tilt my head slightly, feeling my lips curve and he closes his eyes, a soft groan leaving his mouth.

"Rey," a pained sound, "I'm trying...to be good."

At this moment I don't want him to be good.

I sigh and lean back, letting go of him. Now I'm the one closing my eyes or I might be tempted to reach up and steal another kiss from him.

"Maybe," I retort and I sound grumpy, "you shouldn't have tumbled me onto the bed."

His fingers are out of my hair but he hasn't released my hip and I look up at him when he remains silent.

He's looking at me with an amused gleam in his eye.

"Well at least you don't look so nervous now."

I sit up, resting on my elbows, my legs still dangling over his lap.

"So this was for my benefit?" A soft snort but the truth is, he's right. I don't feel as nervous as I did when he had asked me to let him stay.

The look of his face in my answer and I scowl at him, swinging my legs off of him.

"Well since we've decided your staying," exasperation at his small deception, "I'm going to get ready for bed."

I get up quickly but my own words make me pause.

"Just, umm, what _do _you wear for bed?"

I remember the dream that wasn't a dream, our first Bond since Crait. Ben in his quarters, the flowing robe that left his chest bare and the pants that rode low on his hips.

That memory still makes me burn, even after all this time.

I turn to look at him, he has his injured hand resting on the other, seemingly calm.

Too bad he has that slight glimmer of mischief in his eyes that gives lie to his outer appearance.

"Very little."

I can feel the scalding heat across my skin, I know he's teasing me but I can't help my reaction.

"I'll, um, see what I can find."

"Find?" Bemusement now, no longer teasing.

I wave a hand at his clothes, which still have blood-splatter over them.

"I'm not sleeping with you if you're going to be covered in blood and since I doubt you have a change of clothes on you," his eyes flicker and I give him a smug look, "I'll see what I can find."

"You have spare clothes..for men on your ship."

"Probably. I have almost everything else."

I turn, wondering if that old captain who gave me this ship still has that cache of clothing I thought I saw as I looked her over before deciding to accept his offer.

A strong arm slips around my waist, the other across my shoulder and I can feel the heat of him against my back.

I'm trapped and I have no idea why.

I tilt my head up to look at Ben, the shadows flaring in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Why do you spare clothes for men on your ship?"

Soft words but the arctic tone sent icy fingers sliding down my spine.

Why would he...oh...oh!

I have to be wrong but he sounds...jealous that I share my ship with other men.

Which when I fly the Falcon, is true. I normally have Poe or Finn with me, even Chewie. That ship requires at least two pilots and a gunner.

But not this one, which is why I chose it.

"Are you...jealous?"

Again his eyes flair, shadows dancing and though he looks quite dangerous right now...I feel perfectly safe in his arms.

A tickle of delight and I cannot help the grin that breaks out at the thought that my Ben might actually be jealous.

"I...don't like the thought of wearing one of your," I can practically feel his teeth grinding, "_companions _clothing. I think I'd rather sleep naked."

I choke on the sudden image of a naked Ben in my bed and have to turn my head away.

Desire, hot and pulsing inside of me, digs talons into me and I'm trying hard to remember why I don't want him to make love to me.

"Not," and why does my voice sound so breathless, "necessary. The clothes are from the old captain who used to own this ship."

His grip around me tightens and I feel his lips on my skin, his breath in my ear and I swear he's doing this on purpose to torment me.

"You wouldn't lie to me would you Rey?"

Gods, if I don't get out of his arms soon I am going to tumble _him _back on the bed and this time I won't stop.

"N-no. Now let go so I can change and get you some fresh clothes. You're starting to stink."

I wrinkle my nose to show him, but it's a lie. All I smell is him. Frost and rain and dark notes of something so _male, _it wraps around me with sensual teasing.

I feel his arms loosen and I pull out of them, not daring to look at him.

"Do I have the lady's permission to use her shower?"

I'm not going to fall for his words...but I'm already turning to look at him, narrow eyed suspicion at his sudden polite request.

The shadows in his eyes are banked, but not gone.

His face is a mask and I cannot read him.

"You said I smelled...unpleasant."

I did say that. But I'm looking at his wrapped hand, frowning.

"You'll need to coat the bandages against the water...the spray is in the medkit."

"So that's a yes?"

I sigh and nod my head. "Go ahead, I'll knock when I find you some clothes. I'll leave them in the bathroom for you so you can change."

Before he can open his mouth to reply I'm already ducking out of the sleeping quarters.

Ben in my shower, the water running over...

"Whoa," I whisper, pressing my hand to my pounding heart, "where is _this _coming from."

I didn't lust over men, ever. Yet here I was, fantasizing about Ben in the shower.

"I'm losing my mind. It's the only explanation."

But I wouldn't trade this time with him for anything. I hear the pipes rattle and the rush of water and know that Ben is in the shower.

I need to find those clothes and quick. I don't want to walk in on Ben before he's done.

I think I would probably die...of lust or mortification, I really couldn't say.

"Yes, I knew you were here."

I pull out a small cloth bag, the one I had set my own spare clothes on.

I lifted the clothes to my nose, a bit musty but clean.

Ben is so tall I can only hope the captain's old clothes will fit him. I shake out a few pieces...and find a simple pair of loose, black pants.

"This might work..." the other pieces were made for working. Pants with pockets, shirts that were padded around the elbow.

Nothing that could be thought of as 'sleeping' wear.

"Well it's this or..." I shake my head away from the alternative and quickly get to my feet, my own clothes over my arm.

I can still hear the water running and take a deep breath.

I call through the door, loud enough that he can hear me over the spray.

"Ben? I have some clothes for you."

I hear a muffled reply and let the door slide open, steam filling the air.

I avert my eyes from where the shower is over in the corner and place his clothes on the sink.

"Your...um, clothes. I left them on the sink."

The shirt, vest and pants are still on the floor and I pick them up, wondering how he acquired them in first place.

Probably a better idea not to ask. I might not like the answer.

"Thank you Rey. I'll be out momentarily."

Polite words but I can still feel the caress in them and my heart stutters.

"Okay. Sure. Whenever your done."

I bolt out of the bathroom and let the door slide behind me.

I said I wasn't going to regret this but I had no idea how the hell I was going to survive the night.

I'm on the bed, waiting for my turn in the bathroom.

I can't change in the open knowing he could walk out at anytime.

My courage doesn't go that far.

The door slides open...and I forget how to think.

His hair is tousled, the water darkening the color to midnight, wet strands still clinging to his neck.

My eyes can't seem to find a spot to focus on. The scar on his face that runs down his neck and to his shoulder is vivid against his skin. I can see all the other, smaller scars on his arms and chest. The pants I gave him ride low on his hips, the material just covering his ankles.

As my eyes dip lower, I can see the scar on his side from where he took the blast from Chewie.

His body is a testament to his will, forged by war and death.

He is so beautiful I can hardly breath past the _want _choking me.

"Rey."

Shadows and starlight, my name a haunted song on his lips.

I bolt from the bed, from him.

"I'm going to shower." I rush past him and lock the door behind me as soon as it snaps close.

The air is no longer redolent with steam. He must have shut off the hot water to cool in order for it to clear that quickly.

It was a thoughtful gesture, to make sure I had hot water but I could have told him that the water automatically recycles itself so there was no wait time.

I strip out of my clothing quickly, the leather top and pants somehow smothering now and step into the small cubicle.

I can only stand there, letting the water fall over me as I lean my head against the wall.

He was just on the other side of that door, waiting for me.

I wanted to stay in my shower forever.

I wanted it to end quickly so I could return to him.

"Stupid." I mutter but I don't if I'm talking to myself...or him.

The heat works a minor miracle as I feel the muscles unlock and I begin to wash the sweat and dirt off of my body and hair.

The air smells like lemon and a single, blooming flower. The tech, T'nesha, makes special soaps for all the female fighters.

_"We may fight along side the men," she told me with a wink as she handed me the soap, "but that doesn't mean we have to smell like them."_

The memory makes me smile as I scrub myself clean. I've never used another scent since then.

Considering the times I've caught Ben catching my hair and lifting it to his face, I think he likes it too.

The thought of him makes my heart stutter, again, and I quickly finish my shower.

My skin is pink from the heat, my hair dripping a column of water down my spine before wring it out.

My clothes are where I left them, on the sink and I rub the water out of my skin vigorously, wrapping my hair up until I can comb out the tangles.

There was a reason I left my hair up, less work.

I slip into my night clothes...and could have smacked myself for it.

I can only stare at myself in the mirror, the simple top with the thin straps and shorts that just reach the top of my thighs, I might have well been screaming an invitation at him.

Well it's not like I have anything else to wear, I wasn't exactly expecting company, and maybe he wouldn't notice how much skin I was showing.

I know I'm stalling. I sigh and pull the towel off of my hair, trying to get as much water out of it so I don't soak the pillow.

A snarled mess meets my eyes and I grab my comb, telling myself to just get it over with already.

I press the keypad that unlocks the door as it slides free and step out, to where Ben is waiting for me.

He's sitting on the bed, his hands resting on his knee's, his expression guarded.

I clutch my comb to me like a talisman, my heartbeat too loud in my ears.

Nothing has changed.

Everything has changed.

"I...I don't know how to do this."

The words slip from my mouth and I'm waiting for him to ask me what I'm talking about and I don't know if I can.

"Neither do I."

Some of the tension leaves me at his soft confession.

"You don't?"

He shakes his head at me, an almost painful expression on his face.

"I've never shared my life like this...with anyone. You are the first, Rey. The only one."

"You too," I tell him, my feet moving forward without even thinking about it. "I don't," I take a breath and let it out slowly, offering him a tentative smile, "no one see's me like this. Not Poe, not Finn...just you."

He doesn't smile, but his eyes lighten and I can almost see the tension in him retreating.

"What's in your hand?"

"Oh, this?" I was clutching my comb so hard it had left an imprint in my skin, "I need to get the tangles out of my hair. It's a mess."

He lifts his hand to me, "Let me do that for you," I can only stare at him, not expecting that and he must have taken my shock for hesitation, "please."

Such a wistful word from him.

I rejected his 'please' the first time he ever asked me. It broke me to do it but this...

I'm already handing him the comb, our fingers brushing against each other.

He moves back from the edge, giving me room.

The bed creaks between our combined weight. His legs press around me, the heat of his body as I feel his hands lift my hair, sliding the comb through the tangles.

His touch is gentle and the feel of him brushing my hair is an intimacy I hadn't expected, but I liked it.

I like it a lot. The smooth, even strokes is calming and slowly I begin to relax, pulling my knee's up so I can rest my head on them.

He doesn't stop, even when I know that it can't be taking this long to get the tangles out.

I don't care, I'm enjoying this.

I'm partially drowsing when I feel the bed shift. The touch of his skin against mine, his hand sweeping my hair off to the side as his lips press a tender kiss to the back of my neck.

"Mmm," I lift my head, his arms slipping around my waist and I let him pull me on the bed, his arm my pillow as I gaze up at him.

His face is no longer a mask, his eyes a soft glow as he pushes strands away from my eyes.

"Hi."

I don't know why I said that, but I can feel my lips curving into a smile.

"Hi."

Laughter in his voice and the last of my reservations melt away. I lay my hand across his, mindful of the bandages and lift the other to brush raven strands from his eyes.

"Thank you for brushing my hair."

"You're welcome," hesitation in him, "thank you for letting me."

Considering the pleasure I felt from it, I could only smile in return.

His hand resting my stomach, his arm pillowed under my head and I felt boneless with contentment.

We lay pressed against each other, aware of each other and it was enough.

Somehow he had maneuvered me so I was next to the wall, his body shielding me from the open doorway.

I might have argued, except I always slept by the wall.

I wanted to say more...but then I felt the yawn take over.

"You need sleep."

"So do you."

"I rarely sleep for more than few hours."

"Not tonight."

I turn on my side, tugging his arm over me as he curls his body around mine.

There is only a light blanket on the bed but the heat of him is more than enough to keep me warm.

I've never slept in a man's arms but with Ben, it didn't feel wrong.

It felt as though I had been waiting my entire life to be held by him.

My eyelids heavy as he pulls me closer to him.

I snuggled in his arms, no longer trying to stay awake.

"Good night...Ben." I murmur, our fingers entwined and before sleep claims me I feel the brush of his lips against my temple.

"Good night...my Rey."

The dark cadence of his voice follows me into my dreams.

I wake slowly, knowing something doesn't feel quite right. There is a heavy warmth across my waist and slow breathing that isn't me.

I open my eyes...to see Ben's face, relaxed in sleep.

Ben. Last night, asking me to stay.

_Saying yes...brushing my hair...the feel of him wrapped around me. _

The memories flood and that tender feeling from yesterday comes rushing back as I look at him.

He's younger, somehow. The weight of the world not yet present.

I have never seen him look this peaceful, this vulnerable.

His arms is still pillowed beneath my head, we are but a few inches apart and I am content to watch his sleeping face.

I lift my hand slowly, I don't want to disturb him, but I can't resist pushing the silken strands from his face.

He murmurs and I halt but he doesn't wake.

I can see daylight filtering through the small window and I know I should leave.

But I don't, not yet.

Instead I stay by his side, memorizing his face. The feeling of waking up next to him, to be able to touch him.

When he wakes we won't be Ben and Rey anymore.

He will be Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order and I will be Rey of the Resistance.

Tears clog my throat, an ache that grips me and I lean over, pressing a kiss to his mouth.

His arm that is laying across my waist tightens as he pulls me next to him.

Eyes of obsidian open, drowsy, and I see his mouth curve up at the sight of me.

He's smiling, my Ben is smiling at me.

I can barely move, not daring to breath, at the sight of his smile.

I thought to hold onto my heart, to guard it against him, but he's already stolen it.

I never knew a smile could devastate me the way his does.

"Good morning." I whisper, touching his mouth with my fingers.

"Good morning." he presses a kiss to my fingers, that smile lingering yet.

A questioning look in his eyes but I don't want him to realize what he's said, what it will mean for us, and I remove my fingers to replace them with my lips.

Soft breathing, my hands stroking his face, his threading through my hair and I could cry how perfect this feels between us.

He pulls away, even as I press my hand against his chest, quiet laughter from him.

If I had any hope of taking my heart back from him, it is gone with that sound.

"If I knew I was going to wake up to this sort of greeting," his finger tracing my lips, "I would have woken sooner."

I can feel them trembling and I see his smile fade and tears spill down my cheek at its loss.

"Rey, what is it?"

He pulls me into his arms and I can only bury my face against his chest, that sense of loss so overwhelming as I let him hold me, making soothing noises.

I lift my head, even as the tears continue to fall.

"Ben," a chocked sound, "it's _morning_."

Confusion in his dark eyes but quickly fading as he understands what I'm telling him.

Instead of letting me go, he holds me closer, burying his face in my neck.

"No."

A single word, such vehemence behind it that watery laughter escapes me.

At least I'm not alone in this.

He lifts his head, capturing my mouth and I don't resist, letting him steal my breath.

My nails dig into his back, his fingers almost bruising as he rolls over onto me, pinning me beneath his body.

We are so close now, every inch of us connected and it's not enough.

He lifts his head, dark fire in his eyes and he is breaking my heart all over again.

I cup his face, wanting nothing more than to erase the pain I see.

But I can't.

"I have to leave. I can't stay. I've been gone too long and they'll come looking for me."

Finn would definitely come looking and where Finn went, Poe was sure to be following close on his heels.

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine.

"So...this is my punishment," quiet words, barely spoken past a whisper but I can hear the torment in then, "to keep losing you."

I want, desperately, to tell him he hasn't lost me. That I'm right here with him, but I don't.

Because I can't stay...and he won't leave.

Not for me, no matter how much I want him by my side.

He lifts his head...and tears that had finally stopped begin to flow as the mask of Kylo Ren is back in place.

He rolls off of me, coming swiftly to his feet.

I can see the rigid tension in his back, the bandages rustling as his hands squeeze into fists.

"I'll leave first," his voice is clipped, cool as though he hadn't just kissed me with such longing only seconds ago, "you can go shortly after that."

"Ben," I'm already sitting up in bed, reaching for him but he shakes his head.

"That name," he is speaking softly, his voice controlled to the point of being remote, "is no longer appropriate. I am...Kylo Ren."

He moves away from our bed, going into the main hold and I weep, softly into my arms.

I knew this had to happen...but I didn't know how much it would hurt when it did.

I dry my tears, collect my clothes as I change in the bathroom. Not the leather I came in.

There was no longer a reason to disguise who I was.

I slip into my normal clothes, the loose pants and wrapped tunic. I quickly pull my hair back into its usual style...and slip the cuff on my arm.

The one that Ben bought me only yesterday.

I move, my limbs heavy, to the main hull.

He is standing with his back to me, his arm braced on bulkhead, his head bowed.

"You...you can't leave dressed like that."

"I'm aware."

He lowers his arm and turns to face me and I am surprise at what I see in his gaze.

Neither Kylo Ren or Ben Solo ...but something of both men.

He hasn't quite managed to slip his mask on fully just yet.

It gives me hope, and courage to go to him.

The shirt I bought him is in my hands.

"You don't have your regular clothing," I tell him, "but this might help."

If he wore this shirt, along with the pants he had on now tucked into those black boots...it just might work.

"Will you put it on me?"

I want to cry, that's Ben asking me, and I nod. He lowers his head as I slip the shirt over, smoothing the fabric down his stomach as he slips his arms in.

It fits as well as I thought it would, the material sculpting his muscles with a loving hand.

He tucks the ends into the band of his pants as I bring over his boots.

By the time he is done I can see the image of Kylo Ren in his demeanor.

"Well?"

I swallow and do one last thing.

I push his hair away from his eyes and back away from him.

"You look like...Kylo Ren."

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

We stand apart now.

First Order and Resistance.

I press the keypad, releasing the gangplank so he can leave the ship.

So I can leave.

He turns from me, the heavy tread of his boots like an echo of thunder and I can't stand him leaving like this.

"Ren!"

He turns and I'm already running across the hold, throwing myself in his arms as he catches me, my mouth on his.

He might be Kylo Ren right now, but he is still mine.

"Rey," my name a breath between us as we part and come back together, "Rey."

"Ren," tears spilling down my face as I bury my face in his neck, "I'll come back. I promise, I'll come back to you."

His arms around me are like a vice and I just want him to hold me closer.

"I'll be waiting," his voice next to my ear, his mouth on my skin, "so don't make it too long...or I'll come find you myself."

It should have been a threat, but it sounded like the sweetest of promises to me.

I nod my head and force myself to step away from him.

Our fingers tangled...the slip away as he moves down the ramp.

He looks back, only once, before disappearing.

I wait until he is completely out of sight before pulling the ramp back in.

I scrub the tears from my eyes and make my way to the pilots chair.

I begin my take off sequence before patching in to the control tower.

"Control this is the _Recovery, _requesting permission to leave."

"_Recovery _this is Control, do you have cargo to declare?"

I thought of the single item that I had come for.

"Negative Control, no cargo this time."

"One moment _Recovery,_" static on the line as I wait, wondering if Ren will somehow force me to stay.

"You are clear to leave. Destination?"

That was...unusual.

"Rendezvous on the planet Sinta."

"Coordinates confirmed, you are free to go."

My ship in orbit, I don't dare let myself breath until I am out of the atmosphere.

_Rey. _

A fleeting, invisible caress along my lips and then it is gone.

I close my eyes, knowing that something irrevocably has changed between us.

_Ren. _

I wonder if he can feel my love for him...as much as I feel his for me.

Only time would tell.

I prayed the Force would be there for us.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: **As promised, the third and final installment of this arc. Not the end of the story, there is more to come!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Well? How did I do?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

"I guess...it's time for me to leave."

"You can't leave."

The words are out of my mouth on the heels of her soft declaration and she is already retreating from me.

She is worrying at her lip, arms folded about her body as if to ward of the pain she knows is coming.

I want her to stay. This day...I never dreamed it would be possible for someone like me.

All because of this woman.

I catch her eyes, luminous amber that steals my breath but only for a second, closing them as she shakes her head at me.

"Ben you know I can't stay," whispered words filled with yearning and sorrow, "You can't keep me here."

Actually I could. I control this world and one word, a simple command and she would be mine.

Mine to hold. To keep. To protect.

But Rey is a rare creature that I cannot keep in a cage. It would only break her spirit and that is never something I wanted for her.

So I will use logic, not emotion, to change her mind.

"Actually, for the time being, I can." Wariness in her eyes now, she is expecting some kind of trick, "No ship can leave this planet until morning."

Wariness swiftly turns to shock.

"Wait...what?"

I was right, she has little intel regarding this planet's rules and regulations. Her earlier comment about not knowing what the bells signified clued me in.

It was time to give her a bit of an education.

"The skies are monitored by my scouts as soon as night falls." I tell her, keeping my words calm, "Any ship caught trying to leave is immediately shot down."

I catch her eyes and hold them, cutting through the questions in her eyes with a single explanation.

"No exceptions."

Except, of course, there was one. My ship was the only one allowed to travel freely.

But I had no intention of telling Rey that.

"I don't understand, why?"

"To cut down on Resistance scouts trying to spy on First Order worlds."

"Oh."

A shuttered look on her face and I have no desire to speak further about the Resistance or the First Order.

I want her attention on one thing only.

Me.

"Rey," I lift my hand to her, casting all logic aside for this single gamble, "come here."

She is not so distant as to put us back into our assigned roles.

Her hand reaching for me as I pull her close, the heat of her body a tactile caress to my senses.

I rest my hand lightly on her waist, her fingers on my shoulders as she stares down at me with wounded eyes.

"Are you so eager to get away?"

Not the words I intended, but then I have come to learn that around Rey, my thinking is never a clear as I want it to be.

I cannot help the note of wistful longing in my voice. I feel as though I am constantly chasing this woman across the galaxy.

Longing and accusation now swirl in amber, sparking them into a melee at my question.

"I...that's not playing fair," a plaintive note in her response, "How can you expect me to answer that?"

Because I want her to chose me. I want my name to be in the echo of her heartbeat. I want to be the first thing she thinks about in the morning and the last when she lays down to sleep.

"I have no intention of 'playing fair' as you so eloquently put it," I will not lie to her and I see the flicker of awareness in her gaze at out close proximity and use it to my advantage, "You have to stay, at least until morning."

Now that she is here, now that I've spent an entire day with her by my side, I cannot imagine life without her.

She is...everything to me.

"I know," a reluctant agreement from her as she turns her gaze to the room we are in, "I can sleep on my ship and take off at first light."

"Let me stay with you."

I don't know who is more surprised by my response, Rey or myself.

But I will not take them back.

A slash of color across her face and it chases the haunted look from her eyes.

Desire warring with hesitation I now see.

"I..Ben what are you...I don't..."

I don't need the Force to sense the turmoil in her and I lift a finger to her soft mouth, effectively cutting off her stumbling words.

"I'm not asking to make love to you," the flair of arousal in her eyes is almost enough to make me rethink that decision, "when I take you as my lover," and I promise myself it will be soon, "it will not be on dilapidated starship."

She deserves better than that.

We both do.

I see her hand tremble as she pulls my finger from her lips. I allow it, so long as I can keep my hands on her waist.

Her response is to grip my vest in her fingers as she places them back on my shoulders.

Wide, vulnerable eyes meet mine as her pink tongue darts out to lick her lips.

That one, small gesture is enough to shatter my control but I hang on, just barely.

"So...if you don't want to," the color deepens across her fair skin and she will not call herself my lover, "then what are you asking?"

A good question that will leave us both vulnerable to each other with my response.

But I have to know the truth of her feelings. If she could accept me, all of me, after spending the entire day in my company.

"I want to hold you in my arms," naked longing I cannot hide from her, "I want to spend the night by your side."

Does she know how long I've dreamed about this?

It is an ache inside of me that never goes away, not after seeing her nightmares and the tears that dampen her pillow.

She doesn't immediately reject me and that small pause has me holding my breath.

I thought I knew what terror was. But _nothing _can compare to what I feel now, awaiting her answer to my question.

Glowing amber return to me and despite the delicate stain of color still on her face, she does not avert her gaze from mine.

"Yes," soft words from her lips, "you can stay."

I...had hoped she would say yes but hearing it...I feel like I'm caught in a dream again.

I tug her to me, catching her so she tumbled onto the bed, her legs spilling over my lap as I pin her to the bed.

A startled squeak from her at my actions and though it is adorable, I never knew she could make a sound like that, I will not be diverted.

"Be sure about this Rey," I tell her, the spill of her hair across the bed a temptation I cannot ignore and I crush the silken strands beneath my hand, "I want no regrets from you in the morning."

I will not make love to her, I promised us both, but I will have her in my arms.

I won't accept any protests in the morning that I somehow tricked her into letting me stay.

This must be her choice.

I want her to chose _me. _

I can feel my body shaking that she will reject me. Again.

She is looking up at me, not with anger or hesitation, but tender sweetness that is my undoing.

Fingers touching my face, the caress lighter than air and the slight curve of her lips hold me captive.

"There won't be. I'm not a child," no she was definitely not a child, "and I may not be wise in the way of men but I know I want you to stay."

Dark satisfaction winds its way through me at her words. She has never known another man's touch, except mine.

It will only ever be mine.

I want to kiss her, her mouth a lush invitation and her eyes a searing promise...but I find myself hesitating.

I want her so much I am shaking with it...but I don't want to hurt her.

Not now. Not here in this moment between us.

My Rey shows no such reserve as she lifts her head, despite my grip in her hair, and presses her mouth to mine.

My control slips through the chains of my restraint and I drown in the taste of her.

Her mouth on mine, her nails raking through my hair as I press her into the bed.

I want more, I need more.

My fingers find the edge of her top, her skin warm and smooth to my touch and I'm telling myself I am pushing too hard, too fast for her.

My fingers dig into her hips, trying to slow down and she gasps into my mouth, arching into me.

Cradling my body with her own and I am lost.

"Rey," her skin is my ambrosia and I cannot get enough of it as I slide my lips down her neck.

I want her to crave my touch, to feel only the pleasure I can give her.

I push her top higher, my fingers stroking her skin as her hips grind into me and I find the delicate arch of her neck.

My teeth bite down, none to gently.

"Ben," nails digging into my scalp and my name a sweet pleading on her lips.

It is that pleading that pulls back the madness of desire, pushing me closer to the edge.

I snap my head up, trying to regain some of my sanity, I feel delirious in her arms.

Glowing amber awash in desire stare back at me.

I have to remember how to breath, let alone speak.

"This," I'm having trouble forming words as smoldering eyes continue to steal my control, "is not...what I had in mind."

Another minute or two and I would have removed her top to get at the rest of her skin.

"No?"

A sensual tease in her voice, tilting her head so that her neck is exposed to me, her mouth holding a thousand secrets in that smile she casts my way.

Innocence and desire.

She is making it impossible for me to remember why I don't want to take her here and now.

I close my eyes against the temptation lying so sweetly beneath me.

"Rey," I am the one pleading with her now, "I'm trying...to be good."

She shouldn't have kissed me, I might have been able to hold back.

Her fingers leave my hair and the loss makes me want to drag her back into my arms and disregard my earlier promise.

But I don't. I may not have much honor left in me, but I still have this.

"Maybe," snarly words that are decidedly grumpy have me opening my eyes, "you shouldn't have tumbled me onto the bed."

Her eyes are closed, arms folded across her chest and her lips pressed firmly together.

She looks...displeased with my decision to stop.

But no longer filled with the tension from earlier.

I leave my hand resting on her hip, I cannot let go of her just yet.

Eyelashes lifting, swirling amber still glowing as she glares at me.

Even now, when I am burning for her, I can still feel amusement.

"Well at least you don't look so nervous now."

A flair of brightness at my words as she she propping herself up on her elbows to look at me.

"So this was for my benefit?"

The disbelief in her voice tells me that she isn't fooled by my response.

However I have no intent of telling her how much she can shatter my control with a single look.

She is scowling at me and just like that she pulling her legs from my lap.

"Well, since we've decided your staying," cool words that cannot hide her annoyance make me want to tumble her back onto my lap, "I'm going to get ready for bed."

She's on her feet with her back to me...but not moving.

I am curious as to why she's stopped when she speaks, the lilt of her voice hesitant.

"Just, um, what _do _you wear for bed?"

A practical question...except for the blush creeping back over her face as she looks at me once more.

She can kiss me, let me stroke her skin until we are both burning...yet turns oddly shy when asking what I wear for bed.

Alluring innocence that makes my vision turn a hazy red and I cannot help but tease her.

"Very little."

Let her make of that what she will.

The color deepening on her face and I feel the flair of curiosity as to what she could be thinking to put that particular gleam in her eyes.

"I'll, um, see what I can find."

"Find?"

I was teasing her, I planned on sleeping in the shirt and pants I now wore but her words steal the amusement from me.

Her back no longer to me and she's waving at hand, indicating to the clothes I still had on.

"I'm not sleeping with you if you're going to be covered in blood," tart words that have me glancing down, surprised that she is correct about the stains, "and since I doubt you have a change of clothes on you," smug words now, "I'll see what I can find."

She told me she came here alone.

"You have spare clothes..for men on your ship."

The thought of Rey traveling on this small ship with another male, alone, spikes my temper.

There are only two males that she is frequently seen with and I care for neither one.

"Probably," distracted words as she turns to walk away, "I have almost everything else."

I am off the bed and wrapping her up in my arms, pressing her hard enough to me that she cannot escape.

She looks up, confusion on her lovely face.

"What's wrong?"

I am not in the mood for her evasions, or her willingness to defend her...friends at the smallest sign of danger.

Not when she is about to share her bed with me.

"Why do you spare clothes for men on your ship?"

I am still leashing my temper, I don't want to start a fight, but I will have the answer as to why she would keep clothes for the one they call Finn, or Dameron, with her.

I expect anger from her, even suspicion that I am ready to deflect.

Not the sudden flair of delight in her eyes that leaves me off balance.

"Are you...jealous?"

I don't get jealous...but the animosity I feel towards the males her life is not something I can quickly disregard.

"I," I'm choosing my words carefully now, "don't like the thought of wearing one of your _companions_ clothing." I will not have her see me as just another male in her life, another _friend, "_I think I would rather sleep naked."

She's trembling in my arms now and refusing to look at me and I wonder at the abrupt change.

"Not necessary," I know that tone now, she only _ever _sounds like this when she is aroused, _"_The clothes are from the old captain who used to own this ship."

Not her friends clothing, but a strangers.

That mollifies me somewhat, but I am still aware of the desire in her voice.

I can only think of one reason she sounds this way.

When I spoke of sleeping naked. My Rey might be an innocent when it comes to men, but she seems more than a little interested in me.

She could have said something about the previous captain's clothing earlier, but chose to make me believe it was something else entirely.

I lean close, letting my lips hover just above her ear.

"You wouldn't lie to me would you Rey?"

I let my desire for her slip into my words and feel the change in her.

A subtle shift of her body, pressing up against me even as she refuses to meet my eyes.

"N-no," again that breathless response, more than aware of me " Now let go so I can change and get you some fresh clothes." Desperation in her voice and I cannot help but tighten my grip around her.

She turns now to look at me now, wrinkling her nose to hide the tell-tale blush I can still see, "You're starting to stink."

It's a ploy, I know it is, but I cannot help but remember I am still covered in blood and my hold on her loosens.

She is out of my arms so quickly I barely have time to blink.

Perhaps it wasn't a ploy after all.

Looks like I need to do something about that. I didn't want Rey to look at me and see only blood and violence.

Her back is to me and I somewhat regret my teasing words from earlier.

"Do I have the lady's permission to use her shower?"

I may not talk to my mother any longer...but I can still use the manners she demanded I learn.

I wonder if it will work...and she is turning back to me and I silently thank my mother for those lessons she forced onto me.

However she is staring at me with ill-concealed suspicion at my obviously polite tone.

"You said I smelled...unpleasant."

A gentle reminder of why she left my arms without sounding crass.

A frown on her lips, but not at my words.

She is staring at my injured hand she helped wrap.

"You'll need to coat the bandages against the water...the spray is in the medkit."

If she is worrying about the water...

"So that's a yes?" l will take nothing for granted from her.

A nod of her head an almost inaudible sigh, "Go ahead. I'll knock when I find you some clothes." Practical words but her next are soft, almost embarrassed, "I'll leave them in the bathroom for you so you can change."

Before I can reply, she is already leaving the sleeping quarters.

I have to remember that what I am asking for is new to Rey.

It is new for me as well. I have never shared my life so intimately with another person.

At least not since I was child and that was a different sort of intimacy.

The bathroom is sparse, a small shelf for towels and a mirror with a basin and storage beneath it.

A small cubicle to the side where the shower is held, the glass opaque for privacy.

The medkit is on the sink where she left it out and I take out the spray and coat my hand.

I will not ruin Rey's kindness towards me, even when I've had worse wounds than a few lacerations that required no medical attention.

I strip out of the borrowed clothing, letting them fall where they will. I'll gather them up later as I press the sequence to start the shower.

The pipes are old as I hear them rattle with the pressure from the water and quickly let the spray fall over me.

Heat unlocking my muscles and I can only stand there, the water pouring over me.

This has been, without a doubt, the strangest day of my life.

Impossibly wonderful, but strange.

Like I was living the life of another person.

A person...who had the right to claim Rey for his own.

I thought Ben Solo dead, burned out by the Sith, but I was wrong. He wasn't dead, merely buried.

Brought back to life by a woman with sunlight in her smile, in her voice.

A muffled voice outside the door and it can only be one person.

"Come in," I call out to her wondering if she can hear me at all.

I feel the cool brush of air as the door slides open.

Though the glass is opaque, I can see the shadow outline of her.

"Your...um, clothes. I left them on the sink."

I can hear her quite clearly now...and her embarrassment about being in here while I'm showering.

A slight, rustling sound as her shadow sways beyond the glass.

"Thank you Rey," I have to close my eyes before I do something really stupid, like pull her in here with me, "I'll be out momentarily."

"Okay. Sure. Whenever your done."

Stumbling words, the sweet caress of her voice over my skin and I hear the door slide shut.

I am breathing hard, my fist clenched and resting on the wall as I dial the pad so that icy water pours over me.

The shock of cold on my skin is enough to quell the rising heat in my blood.

I no longer have a desire to linger, now that I have suitable clothing and quickly step out, toweling off the excess water.

I wonder what she found for me and can only shake my head at her resources.

The pants she found are loose and not dissimilar to what I normally wear in my private quarters.

I also notice that my previous clothing has disappeared, no doubt Rey trying to be thoughtful by taking care of it.

I haven't had anyone look after my well being for a long time and it still comes as a surprise that she does.

I wish she would let me do the same for her.

The clothing fits well enough that I can step out of the bathroom without shocking Rey.

She is sitting on the bed facing the door, a distracted look in her eyes.

The bundle of clothing in her hands is entirely forgotten as she stares at me.

She is all wide-eyes, her mouth falling slightly open as she gazes at me.

The flair of burning amber, the slow sweep of her eyes as she takes in every cut, every scar etched into my flesh.

I am what I am, marked by war and violence.

Her eyes lift to mine and the smoldering heat in her gaze is enough to bring me to my knee's.

"Rey."

I don't know what I would have done next if she hadn't jumped from the bed like a startled creature.

"I'm going to shower." desperate words as she rushes past me, the click of the lock loud in the silence that follows.

I can only sit heavily on the bed, staring at the thin steel that separates us.

I asked to stay, my only thought wanting to be with her...and now I wonder if I'm not making things worse between us because of it.

I listen to the water with half a mind, unable to leave the bed. Unable to leave the room.

Waiting on Rey to emerge...and figure out where we go from here.

The silence of the water has me tensing on the bed and it is a lifetime, or perhaps only seconds, when the door finally slides open.

Alluring innocence. I never truly understood the concept...until now.

Her hair appears more auburn than sable, darkened by the water and rich with waves that tumble around her shoulders.

Skin kissed by the heat of the water, a dusky rose that seems to glow in this dim light.

Her clothing is simple, a top with thin straps and shorts that show off the lovely shape of her legs.

I have seen countless women in elaborate gowns and not one of them can compare to Rey the way she is now.

Beautiful and without artifice, eyes like living jewels that speak of the soul behind the flesh.

Eyes that look at with me with such heartbreaking bewilderment.

"I...I don't know how to do this." A hushed confession, her hands close to her chest, grasping something I cannot see.

I don't need to ask her the meaning behind her cryptic statement.

"Neither do I."

What did I know of sharing my life with someone? A handful of childhood memories, lost in a lifetime of war and the endless spill of blood.

I wonder if I am just fooling myself with all of this. Grasping at something that can never be mine in truth.

"You don't?"

Fragile hope in her eyes, that she is no alone in this and I can only shake my head and offer her the truth.

I believe dying would be less painful that what I am about to confess to her.

"I've never shared my life like this...with anyone," I feel my soul stripped bare before her eyes, "You are the first, Rey. The only one."

This feeling inside of me...I believe I have waited my entire life for her. Just so I could feel the way I do now, with her.

"You too," she murmurs and moves as though in a dream towards my side, her hands still close to her chest, "I don't," stilted words and I am afraid she will pull away from me but she takes a silent breath and offers me a glimpse of a smile, "no one see's me like this. Not Poe, not Finn."

"Just you."

She and I stare at each other and nothing has changed between us.

Everything has changed.

"What's in your hand?" I give a nod of my head, trying to find any excuse to breath around this odd tension between us.

"Oh, this?" confusion as she looks down before answering, "I need to get the tangles out of my hair," a rueful smile on her lips, "it's a mess."

I think she looks beautiful but I sense this is part of her nighttime ritual. An act of normalcy on what has been a rather unusual day for the both of us.

"Let me do that for you," she has taken care of me twice and now I want to take care of her.

She is standing there, staring at me as I lift my hand for her to give me the object in her hand.

"Please."

We've done this before, she and I. I fear it will be the same answer all over again.

Except she's already placing the object in my hand, a comb, and for a moment our fingers touch.

I blink, memories overlapping but I snap out of it and move back on the bed so she has room to sit.

She brings the scent of sunlight and flowers with her, vibrantly fresh, as she settles between my legs.

The old cot groans beneath our weight, but nothing more. I have no fear that it will collapse in the middle of the night with us still in it.

Cool, damp strands between my fingers as I slide the teeth through her hair.

A rhythmic motion, and I feel her beginning to relax at last. My concentration is on her hair, a lulling pleasure that is almost trance-like.

A shift on the bed, her hair pulling from my fingers as she rest her head on her her knee's.

She doesn't ask me to stop and I resume my pleasurable task. There are no more tangles, her hair a silken sheet down her back and I set the comb aside just so I can run my fingers through the shiny mass.

Her breath is soft and even, the tension that is so much a part of her, missing now.

Gently I move forward, the touch of her skin against mine a sweet pleasure and she does not startle as I pull her into my arms.

I am already pulling the heavy weight of her hair to the side to expose the nape of her neck.

I am already drunk on her scent as I press my lips to her skin, unable to resist her allure.

A murmur of pleasure from her lips as I slide my arm around her, pulling her fully onto the bed, laying her by my side.

She comes willingly, my arm her pillow as she glances up at me.

Muted amber meet mine as strands fall over them.

I am already brushing them away, fascinated by the expression on her face.

"Hi."

Soft, lilting word accompanied with a gentle smile and nothing in the universe could move me from her side in this moment.

"Hi."

The gentle smile blooms on her face as she presses her hand over my injured one, content to simply be touching me.

Her other is already lifting to stroke my hair, the delight on her face so apparent I can find no reason to stop her.

"Thank you for brushing my hair."

My pulse jumps at her words, no shyness now, only a small hum of quiet happiness from her.

"You're welcome," a pause as I remember the her response to my 'please', "thank you for letting me."

Her smile is my reward and no more words are spoken between us.

I managed to shift her close to the wall, my body will be her shield should anyone attempt to take this ship with us on it.

Not that I expect such actions, but I will be ready nonetheless.

I have never been more aware of another living person than I am right now.

The weight of her head and the spill of her hair across my arm. The heat from her body, pressed up against mine.

The scent of sunlight and the exotic bloom of a flower from her skin.

I can tell from her eyes, the soft glow, that she is aware of me.

It is enough. For now.

Her mouth opens...into a yawn that cracks her jaw.

Smudges beneath her eyes speak of the long days she has had.

"You need to sleep." A command, but a gentle one.

"So do you." That was not a request, but an order.

"I rarely sleep more than a few hours." Just enough to keep me from burning out and make me vulnerable to my enemies.

"Not tonight."

I know that stubborn glint in her eye as she turns on her side, surprising me by keeping our fingers entwined.

I have two choices. Let go of her hand...or follow her movement.

My choice is already made as I move to pull her into my arms, curving my body around hers.

A light blanket on the bed, but the ship is warm and our combined body heat is more than sufficient to stave off the chill.

The mere touch of her skin is enough to burn me alive.

She shifts again, adjusting her body until she is nestled perfectly in my arms.

"Good night...Ben." My name a sigh on her lips as her breathing changes, becoming low and even, her body pliant against mine.

If there is a heaven, then this must surely be it.

I press my lips to her temple, a suffusing warmth invading me.

"Good night...my Rey."

I thought to stay awake, to guard her dreams but already I feel my body becoming heavy with sleep.

The sound of her breathing, the scent of her surrounding me colors my dreams with vivid clarity.

Something is disturbing my sleep. A sense that I am not alone.

I feel a warmth next to my side, breathe in sunlight and flowers, feel a feathered caress across my skin.

_ Wide-eyes, glowing softly...the spill of silken hair over my arm...the heat of her body nestled in my arms..._

Memories from the previous day come back.

There is only one I would allow this close to me in my unguarded state.

Rey.

That gentle caress stops as sleep beckons, but her touch resumes and find I am more interested in the woman than rest.

She doesn't appear to notice I am awake and bone-deep pleasure at her loving touch keeps me from moving.

Until she presses a tender kiss to mouth and I cannot help but pull her to me, my craving for her undiminished from last night.

Unable to resist any longer, I open my eyes to the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

Liquid amber, framed by dark lashes, stare back at me. Strands of sable kissed by fire tumble around her face, a dark frame for the perfect glow of her skin.

I believe I have lived my entire life waiting for this moment in time.

She is so beautiful...and mine.

Utterly and without a doubt, mine.

"Good morning." Just barely above a whisper, her fingers stroking my lips and I have never seen a more tender look on her face and it is all for me.

"Good morning." I press a kiss to her fingers, luxuriating in the fact that she is reaching out to me of her own choice.

But that beautiful light in her eyes is dimming and I cannot help but wonder if she is already having second thoughts.

Before I can even frame the question she is pressing her mouth back to mine, her hands cupping my face with such gentleness, I am undone.

Her mouth trembles as I slide my fingers into her hair, needing her more than I've needed anything in my life.

But it is the press of her body, the way her fingers hold me close and her mouth claiming mine that show me that she has no regrets.

I never knew she could be this bold with her affections.

Our mouths part, she has made me more than a trifle breathless and laughter spills out of me.

"If I knew I was going to wake up to this sort of greeting," I cannot help but trace the lush, softness of her mouth, "I would have woken sooner."

I thought to make her laugh, to share this moment with her...and I see a single tear slide down her face, followed by another and another.

My amusement vanishes. Did I somehow hurt her in the night and not remember?

"Rey, what is it?"

The tears fall faster now and I can only pull her in my arms.

"What's wrong? Please don't cry Rey," My fingers stroke her hair, her face buried in my chest and I can feel the warm, wetness of her tear striking my skin, "I'm here. It's all right, I'm here."

I have no idea what's causing her anguish until she lifts her head, spiked lashes still dripping tears.

"Ben," my name a choked sound on her lips, "it's _morning._"

I don't understand her meaning...for all of two seconds.

_"sleep on my ship...take off at first light..." _

Her words from last night and I am wide awake now.

She is trying to tell me good-bye.

"No."

The word is a vicious growl from my throat as I pull her back in my arms, burying my face in the clean, scent of her skin.

It can't end like this.

I won't let it end like this.

I pull my head up, tears still swimming in her eyes and I take her mouth.

I will burn away her tears, her sorrow until the only thing that remains is me.

She yields beneath me, her nails digging into my back and that sweet pain has me rolling on top of her, pinning her with my body.

There is no space between us, I can feel every inch of her beneath me and it is not enough.

It will never be enough.

I lift my head, her mouth swollen from my attention...and the sorrow in her eyes is clearer than ever.

Her hands caress my bare skin, resting on my face and it feels as though she is trying to rip my heart out.

The words from her mouth do exactly that.

"I have to leave," soft pleading in her voice, "I can't stay. I've been gone too long and they'll come looking for me."

They. The Resistance. Her so-called _friends. _The one's she considers a part of her.

She can't stay...she _won't _stay, because of them.

Because, in the end, she will always choose them over me.

"So...this is my punishment," I can barely breathe past the fact that she is going to walk away from me _again_, ""to keep losing you."

Because I chose a different path to follow.

I chose the path of Kylo Ren...and somehow, between yesterday and today, I had forgotten that.

But no longer. I open my eyes...and no longer see my Rey, the woman who had held my hand and kissed me with such bold affection, but a woman of the Resistance.

It is more than I care to tolerate.

I roll off of her, getting to my feet.

She is no longer my Rey and I cannot be in that bed...and remember how she trustingly slept in my arms, soft and yielding.

"I'll leave first," there is a heavy weight where my heart is suppose, a wound that continues to bleed, "you can go shortly after that."

She bandaged my hand, that single act of kindness I will repay by letting her leave.

"Ben," anguish, pleading...and something else as she calls out that name.

"That name is no longer appropriate," I tell her, it was time I remember who I was, "I am...Kylo Ren."

The Supreme Leader.

The Jedi Killer.

I hear the catch in her breath, a choked cry and I leave the room.

She wants Ben Solo in that bed with her...and I am not that man.

I never was...and I never will be.

The ship is a relic I first believed it to be as I look around, giving Rey time to...leave.

It is no wonder my scouts never spotted her. I had them looking for the Millennium Falcon, not this antique piece of machinery.

If this is what the Resistance were using to get around, then I am no longer surprised why they keep evading our nets.

I brace my arm against the hull...and let the thoughts fade as I can no longer ignore the pain that is threatening to tear me apart.

_Rey...what do I have to do to prove myself to you? _

What would it take to make her see that her place is with me.

"You...you can't leave like that."

Her voice, wrapping around my soul, cutting myself on the ragged edges.

No, I suppose I couldn't walk off her ship, dressed only in a pair of pants.

"I'm aware."

There is no use prolonging the inevitable. I will have to put back on the blood-stained smugglers clothing after all.

She is standing there in the door...dressed like the Jedi I know her to be.

But her eyes give me pause.

There is no wariness in them, only fragile longing and I cannot help but be drawn back to them.

She is holding something in her hand...the shirt she bought for Ben Solo at the market.

Why would she bring that me, of all times?

"You don't have your regular clothing," she lifts the shirt to me like an offering, "but this might help."

She bought that shirt when I was playing the role of Ben Solo...but I told her I am not that man and still she offers me the gift.

That wound bleeding into my soul...the edges are no longer so sharp.

"Will you put it on me?"

I should have just take then shirt and be done with it...but I don't.

I want to feel her one last time.

Tears, bright and shiny in her gaze, but they do not fall as she nods her head.

I lower mine, I'm too tall for her to slip the shirt over my head otherwise, and feel her hands move slowly over me.

I am tormenting myself with this one, last lingering touch from her and yet I would have it no other way.

The shirt fits better than I expected, the material just the right length to keep close to my body.

I slip on the boots, tucking the edges of the pants into the flaps, and it is close enough to what I wear beneath my armor that I can walk off the ship with minimal fuss.

But there is only one way to be sure.

I look up at Rey, who is standing off to the side, arms loose at her side.

"Well?"

She comes to me, fingers trembling as she pushes my hair away from my face.

Before I can do more than blink at the unexpected contact, she is already moving away from me.

"You look like...Kylo Ren."

Resignation and more than a hint of sorrow at the acknowledgment.

Since that it what I was expecting I shouldn't feel disappointment at her words.

But I do.

We stare across the distance and the irony is a bitter one.

I, the First Order and she, the Resistance.

Her fingers touch the keypad, her eyes never leaving my face as she lowers the walkway.

It was time for me to leave...and yet I stand here, hesitating.

Hoping to hear something from her...something of her feelings for _me, _Kylo Ren, and not the role I played.

But there is only silence and I have no more excuses. I turn away from her, the bright daylight nearly an insult to the darkness inside of me.

"Ren!"

I'm already turning at the frantic cry, catching her as she runs into my arms, her mouth pressed firmly against mine.

She called _my _name.

She is stealing the breath from my lungs and I give it up willingly to her.

"Rey," her name a prayer on my lips, as she kisses me again, "Rey."

"Ren," I can feel her scalding tears as she buries herself in my arms, "I'll come back." She is openly weeping in my arms, letting me hold her and her words are like a balm to my torn soul, "I promise, I'll come back to you."

I crush her to me and I swear that this will the be last time I let her leave me.

"I'll be waiting," I tell her, my lips pressed against her cheek, "so don't make it too long...or I'll come find you myself."

It didn't matter who she was with or if she was on the other side of the galaxy, I _would _find her.

But she is already nodding her head, agreeing with me and that small movement is the only reason I force myself to let go of her.

Our fingers are still touching, tangled in each other...and I have to move away, letting her go.

Only when I am off the gangplank, a far distance from the ship, do I dare look back.

The shadows of the ship have enveloped her, but even so, I can still see her face.

Sorrow and something else as she gazes back at me...and then I turn away, our time together over with.

Temporarily.

"Sir you need to..."

The dock master, coming up beside me and I pin him with my stare. I am in no mood to deal with mindless bureaucracy right now.

I have something else that needs to be done.

"Take me to the Control Tower. Now."

"I..."

My hand is already lifting as I close the air to his lungs.

"I am Kylo Ren and you _will _do as I say."

I release him only when his face turns red and give him but a fraction of a second to recover.

"R-right this way. S-sir!"

The tower, as I expected, wasn't located far from the shipyard and I enter the main communication room.

"What is the...Supreme Leader!"

As I thought, Lieutenant Eusebia is here. I noted the fact that she has been checking the ships that come in and out of port as part of her daily routine.

"A ship called the _Recovery _will be requesting clearance to leave shortly, give it to her."

"But Sir protocol dictates..."

My ire must have shown clearly because she stops the watchtower from making a fatal mistake by trying to correct me.

"I will personally see to it, Supreme Leader. Are there any other instructions I should know about?"

I almost tell her no...then rethink that decision.

"Find out where their next destination is and note it in the logs."

She nods and as I expected, Rey's voice cuts clearly across the comm only minutes later.

"Control this is the _Recovery, _requesting permission to leave."

The Lieutenant looks at me and I give a nod for her to proceed.

"_Recovery _this is Control, do you have cargo to declare?"

"Negative Control, no cargo this time."

"One moment _Recovery,_" Eusebia pauses the transmission to look at me, "do we proceed Sir? A cargo ship without cargo is...suspicious."

"Proceed Lieutenant. I trust I need not remind you what happens to those who disobey my orders?"

She is quickly shaking her head and responding to Rey's request.

"You are clear to leave. Destination?"

A pause as static fills the air.

"Rendezvous on the planet Sinta."

Another planet controlled by the First Order and I knew it to be a lie.

I had not expected differently but I do suspect that she is headed somewhere near that planet.

"Coordinates confirmed, you are free to go."

I leave the control tower, moving towards the observation deck as I see a single ship depart this early in the morning.

It could only be Rey.

I have but to envision her, confident at the controls, already plotting her course to the stars.

_Rey. _

For a moment I can _feel _her again in my arms as I trace her lips with my fingers...and then it is gone.

_Ren. _

Her voice, inside my mind, whispering my name with an aching tenderness.

I could feel her love for me in that one, fleeting touch and prayed that she could feel mine just as strongly for her.

The Force would be there binding us together.

It was only a matter of time before Rey realized the truth of this as well.


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: **Update! Just a short one this time. I hope all of my readers are safe and well! Here is a little distraction for those of you still stuck indoors. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **_*blinks rapidly * _Holy mother of all the gods I have over a hundred reviews! THANK YOU! Please continue with your comments!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

I awoke in darkness, the cold kiss of the wind making me shiver as I sat up, rubbing my arms.

I am not where I am suppose to be.

The shadows sway all around me and there is a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I need to get as far away from this place as possible.

If I had to put a name to it I would call this place...evil.

A seething mass of hatred and muted fury that is everywhere.

My heart is a frantic beat beneath my ribs, a thunderous echo in my mind.

I'm on my feet, everything that is within me telling me to _run, _run and don't look back.

Fear locks my throat and I cannot move and there is something waiting for me in this darkness...a presence that watches me with a calculating hunger that terrifies me.

"Who...are you?" Sibilant words from a shattered voice that resounds all around me.

_Who are you?_

_ Who are you?_

My teeth ache, clenched in an effort not to speak.

"Answer...me. Who...are _you_?"

_Answer me. Who are you?_

_ Answer me. Answer me._

I clamp my hand over my ears, feeling tainted by this voice that echos with a hundred dying screams through my mind.

I will not answer this voice. I will not tell...it...who I am.

"Strong...you are. To have...come...this far."

_Strong._

_ Strong._

I don't want to be here and a rage like nothing I have ever known wells up in me and I scream my defiance.

Blue lightning rakes through the air, the smell of charred ozone in its wake.

Harsh laughter, a blend of evil and malicious glee, follows quickly after.

"Good! Again! Give in!"

_Again. Again._

_ Give in...Give in._

I'm being pulled in, I can't move and I can't cry out or that..._thing_...will devour me.

I am so cold...crystals in my blood, my breath coming out in jagged gasps.

"Rey. Stop."

Tears freezing on my face at the sound of _his _voice.

His darkness I know. It is not the cold, empty void around me. It is the sweet caress of night, a thousand stars spilled across the endless sky.

"R-Ren..."

I barely get his name out from my clenched lips when another, enraged scream tears from my throat and the sky crawls with blue lightning.

"Another...arrives..."

_Another. Another._

Warmth flowing into me, the heat of his body pressed against my back. I feel his arm around my waist, his gloved hand across my mouth.

"Don't listen to the voice Rey. Fight it."

I want to tell him I trying, but I can't.

I feel like I'm dying in this place and I've never been so scared.

"Familiar...you are...who are...you?"

_Familiar._

_ Who are you._

_ Who are you._

But Ren doesn't answer and I feel him pulling me step by agonizing step from this place.

"Don't answer. Listen to me. _Hear _only me."

Soft words with his absolute will behind them and I feel the overwhelming grip of fear loosen around my constricted heart.

I move my lips against leather and feel his hand retreat.

His warmth, the solid feel of his strength around me, anchors my soul.

"Ren...how..."

But another voice answers, the howl of trapped souls tearing at my mind in his response.

"I...sense..._Skywalker_ blood..."

I am shaking so hard I can barely stand and Ren is practically dragging me now.

Why am I so helpless here? What is it about this place that leaves me unable to act?

"I have you. I'm not going to leave you."

I cling to the sound of his voice, my shield against the madness that surrounded us.

How did that...thing...I couldn't call it a person...know about Ren's parentage?

"Where," knives in my throat, cutting myself on every word I speak, "are we?"

I can barely hear my voice and I wonder if Ren heard me.

"In a nightmare."

This was a dream...not a dream, as he said, a nightmare.

"Whose?"

The silence stretches and I want to ask again...but then I sense why he does not speak.

Someone...no some_thing_ is listening to every word we speak.

A touch of his gloved finger to my lips and I just barely nod my head in understanding.

He'll answer me, but only after we get the hell out of this place.

I lift my head and see the gleam of obsidian flames in his dark gaze.

He will not abandon me here, surrounded by darkness, to save himself.

The fear that chained my mind snaps in the wake of this thought and the trembling of my bones ceases.

His tight grip around my waist loosens, I don't know how he knew the change in me, but I am able to stand on my own two feet again.

I am still terrified but no longer paralyzed by it.

I am reaching for his hand, the shadows move in a frenzy now, and I don't have to go far to reach him.

He was reaching for me too.

Our hands clasp and that murderous voice in the pulsing shadows lets out a scream that makes my skin crawl.

"Let's get out of here."

If I ever questioned if there was true evil in the galaxy, this place has erased that doubt. I want no part of it.

"Nooo...noooo...I will not let you leave."

_Will not leave._

_ Will not leave._

"Look at me."

I lift my gaze to Ren, somehow able to see him so clearly in this black void.

He lifts his other hand to me and we press both of our hands together, palm to palm.

I can..._feel _him, inside of me. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying in pleasure. He is sweet, caressing darkness and I can feel the fractures of light in him as well.

My terror...my helpless rage...somehow he is _taking _them from me.

Leaving only peace and a clarity of mind within me. A buffer of strength that pushes back the darkness.

His breathing changes, a harsh ragged sound that reminds me of myself when I awoke in this place.

He is exchanging my fear for his strength and paying the price for it.

"Ren," I interlock our fingers, I won't let go of him, "stop."

"Find...the light Rey...it will guide you-"

An agonized cry from him and I see the blood spill from where he has bitten through his lip.

"I'm _not _leaving you here. You're coming with me."

"_Skywalker...I will have the blood...of Skywalker..."_

Screaming wind that buffets me, trying to dig icy claws into my skin, tearing at me to get to Ren.

"I won't let you have him!"

Cruel laughter, malicious and vile washes over me and I feel Ren trembling.

"_Foolish child...he is already...mine..."_

"No! Never!"

I feel the kiss of fetid breath on my skin and I close my eyes and focus on the one thing, the _only _thing that matters to me.

Ren.

He took my fear for a reason. To find the light...

Of course. All of this chaos and fear, the Dark Side of the Force.

I closed my eyes and turned my focus inward.

I could feel the power of the Force inside of me, soft and gentle as a spring breeze and as deep as the oceans.

It was there, everything that I needed...and I had no idea how to get us away from here.

To get us home.

Home. A place of safety, a shelter from the storm.

What was my home?

I open my eyes...to see Ren's face, a single tear slipping down his face as the darkness consumes him.

I let go of his hands, he crumples as I catch him in my arms, both of us dropping to our knees.

"He is my home," I whisper, reaching out to the Force, "so take me to him."

"_Nooo...nooo...get away-"_

I shut my mind out to everything except the two of us.

"Be with me," I don't know where the words came from, "just be with me."

A presence at my back, one that aches with familiarity but that of a distant echo and a voice that I do not recognize whispering to me.

_"Save him Rey...do not let him walk my path and share in my regrets..."_

I cry out as the Force fills me with energy, a sense of love and loss that is not my own and the world around me fills with a brightness that blinds me.

I cling to Ren...it was too much to bear...

...and it's gone.

I blink, wondering why I feel so hollow, and look around.

Stark white meets my gaze, a familiar starscape of sweeping blackness out of a window with a padded seat.

I know where I'm at. In Ren's private quarters, the first time we connected after Crait.

I turn back to the man in my arms. There is a stillness to him that has my heart climbing back into my throat.

I push raven hair away from his face that is far too pale. His sleeping robe is open...and I see the bandages the cover his chest, soaked in blood.

He's hurt and I don't know how or why.

"Ben," I whisper, pulling his head into my lap, "wake up. Come back to me."

A flicker of his eyelids, a ragged cough and I am looking down into obsidian.

"R-Rey."

His fingers reach up to touch my face and I cradle his hand closer still.

"Ren...we're back. You got us out."

"Not...me. You."

I shake my head and help him to sit up, a grimace of pain flashing across his face for but a moment, his hand on soaked bandages.

"Why are you so badly hurt?" His armor was suppose to protect him from wounds like this.

"A...miscalculation on my part."

He is trying to stand and I am moving to his side, taking his weight so he can sit on the bed close to us.

I am kneeling at his feet, his hands resting on my shoulder.

"What happened to us? Where were we?"

Ren catches his breath, removing his hands from my shoulders as he straightens.

I place my hand on his knee, needing this contact.

"That place...how much did Skywalker teach you about the Sith?"

That was an odd question and I shake my head.

"Almost nothing...except that they use the Dark Side for their own, cruel ends and that strong emotions lead down that path."

"A discussion for another time."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Where you were," he is hesitating in a way I've never seen from him and I'm frightened for him, "is a place...called Exegol."

Exegol. I knew that word...I had seen it somewhere but I couldn't remember.

"You've heard of it."

Not a question but I answer anyway.

"I think so," my head feels fuzzy and oddly hollow, "but I can't remember..."

The memory hovers at the edge but I can't grasp and I sigh, frustrated.

"No, it's gone. What is...Exegol?"

That name...it made my skin crawl just saying it.

Again that hesitation that is unlike him and I meet his troubled eyes before he closes them off to me and turns away.

"It was thought to be a myth...but I have discovered that it is quite real and it is...the Sith homeworld."

If he had reached out and slapped me across the face I could not have been more shocked.

"A Sith homeworld," no wonder it had crawled with that murderous fury, "and you went...looking for it?"

"I have been searching for it's location, yes."

"And you found it." I couldn't keep the disgust out of my voice, "Ren that place is _evil._"

"It was not my intent to channel my spirit there. I am not so foolish as you seem to think."

"Then _what _were you doing?"

A sigh as he brings his hand up to run through his hair, the bandages shifting as again I see the flash of pain cut across his face.

I shift closer, reaching out to rest the tips of my fingers on his sternum.

"What happened to you?"

His hand closes over mine...and pushes me away from his wound.

A feeling of hurt washes over me until he places our joined hands on his knee.

"Searching for answers when I was met with opposition that I hadn't anticipated fully."

That told me nothing and I knew if I pressed harder he would either evade...or simply keep his silence, and secrets, to himself.

"You said we were in a nightmare...was it yours?"

His eyes search my face, I don't know what he is looking for, but there is resignation in his voice when he speaks.

"Yes...and no."

I make a frustrated sound and I see just the brief curve of his mouth, but it holds no warmth.

"I have dreamed of that place for...well, months now. Always the same."

I shudder at the remembered violence in that voice and drop my head.

"How do you stand listening to that voice? I felt like I was...dying."

"That voice...has never been in my dreams until now. When I found you there with me."

I snap my head back up to him.

"You think..._I'm _the one who brought that nightmare on?"

I want to be angry, to be outraged that he would even think of such a thing...except there were times when I was young, still waiting for my parents to come back, that I heard that fetid voice whispering in my dreams.

I would wake up, shivering and so frightened I couldn't go back to sleep, afraid that the monster would find me again.

"Rey...I honestly don't know what to think."

"So what...you were sleeping, had this...dream or vision or whatever it was and I got dragged into it somehow?"

"Not exactly."

I pull my hand away from his and press my head against his leg.

"Ren...you're not making _any _sense right now."

"I was meditating, using my connection with the Force to heal my wounds. During that time my spirit was somehow...pulled away. I am still unclear how you ended up there as well."

I lift my head, certain I had not heard correctly.

"You...you can _heal _using the Force?"

My eyes instantly go to the scar I put across his face.

"It takes a significant amount of concentration and a sensitivity that few possess, but yes."

"How? Can I learn it? Will you teach me?"

To be able to heal using the Force! Did he know how much good I could do with that kind of gift?

"Rey," there is caution and warning when he calls my name that dims my enthusiasm, "there is more to healing that what I told you. Healing...comes with a price."

Of course it did. I should have known that something that sounded so good couldn't be true.

"What is it?"

"You must use your own life energy to do the healing."

I blinked and I must have looked as confused as I felt because he sighs and steeple his fingers.

"When you heal your own wounds, as long as they are not life-threatening, there is no cost to you personally. Your body will automatically replenish your energy when you are sick or injured, you're merely speeding up the process. However, to heal another...you must be willing to give up some of your life energy to that person. The greater the wound, the more it will cost."

My eyes go to stained bandages across his chest.

"Could I...help heal you?"

I'm already on my knees, pressing my fingers to his sternum again.

"Ren," we are inches from each other, I can see the shifting colors in his eyes, "I want to help you."

His hand over mine and I feel him trembling.

"Rey," his mouth shaping my name, his voice low and intimate, "to heal you must be here in both spirit...and body."

I wasn't. The Bond connected our spirits, but my body was still on Scarif. I didn't even know where Ren was, except that he was in space.

But another question arose in my mind.

"Then how...did you do what you did on...Exegol?"

"Do what?"

"Ren I felt you _inside _of me," haunting shadows fractured with light, "when you...took my fear, my anger into yourself. How could you do that...if our bodies were not there?"

"That wasn't healing. More of a transference of power."

"You gave me your strength...by taking the darkness out of me," I was feeling my way through this, "but how?"

His hand lifts to my face, brushing a stray lock behind my hear, an odd look on his face.

"I have lived with what you call 'darkness' for most of my life. I've learned how to use it to my advantage. Your pain called out to me and I simply took it for my own."

He makes it sound so simple, as though it cost him nothing at all. Yet I know I saw the tears he cried, felt his body crumple beneath the weight of my own darker emotions.

He brushes his thumb over my cheekbone, a tender gesture so at odds with his pragmatic nature.

"Don't look like that."

"Like what?" My voice feels thick and he leans his head against mine, his hand still cupping my face.

"Like you're hurting for me. Don't Rey, I don't want you to feel my pain."

But I do. He constantly thinks of himself as a bad person, that this life of darkness and death is his only choice.

He doesn't see the goodness in himself. Not the way I do.

I reach up and cup his face, mirrors of each other now, and I can feel his pain.

I want to sooth him, help him, like he helped me.

"Rey...what are you..."

Peace flows into me and through me, into him.

The pain...it is less now, no longer so vibrant in my mind.

Something warm falls on my face and I pull back...to see tears slide down his face.

"How did you..."

He is at a loss for words and I reach up brushing away the wetness.

"You took my fear...so I'm taking your pain."

"I told you I-"

I cover his mouth with mine, cutting off his objection. His hand slides around to my neck, holding me in place.

A soft, gentle glide of our lips, coaxing each other into responding. It is not the same feeling as being with him in person...but this is just as sweet.

We pull away and the tears have dried on his face and I can breath again.

I didn't realize how much seeing him cry affected me. I thought I was dying in a different way.

My body feels heavy now, my mind stretched to its limit.

I have come to recognize when our time is at an end.

I see the reflected knowledge in his gaze as well.

"Come back to me soon Rey, I don't know how much longer I can bare to be parted from you."

"I-"

The world shifts and I close my eyes against the disorientation.

My eyes open, a familiar canvas in my line of vision.

I'm back on Scarif, inside my tent, where I am suppose to be.

Except it doesn't feel like home.

Not without him by my side.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: **Update! Not so long as a wait from before. I really am trying to be more consistent...somewhat. Anyway, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Like it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

Pain. The screaming of nerve ending's as flesh burns.

It is only pain, an emotion I am long familiar with. Even so, I am forced to retreat.

Rage and frustration as I am so close to my prize only to have to abandon it.

Mustafar.

The fortress that my grandfather built no longer exits, except for it ruins that are heavily guarded by the zealots who flock to his memory.

I...misjudged them. I came alone, not wanting my commanders to know just yet what plans I intend to enact on.

Even with my skill there are simply too many of them to take on at once. Dozens died by my hand and hundred more would take their place.

I failed and now I must return to my ship in orbit to recover from my wounds. I hide the tatters of my armor beneath my cloak as I stalk to my room, locking the doors and sending out an order that I am not to be disturbed for several hours.

I peel back the charred remains, a snarl from behind gritted teeth as cloth sticks to skin, the smell of iron in the air.

I have had deeper wounds than this...my thoughts go to Rey and our first fight, and I quickly wrap the worst of the burns.

It was time to see if my months of digging through my grandfather's journals and my own exploration will bear fruit.

My grandfather spoke of healing through the Force...a way to channel the bodies energy to heal ruined flesh.

I was about to attempt the same thing but on a much larger scale then I've done lately.

This will take time and focus and I settle into a meditative pose. The wounds across my body throb with the beat of my heart and I have to remind myself it is only pain.

I must embrace it rather than reject it.

I turn my focus inward, follow the flow of power that resides in me. It is there, a maelstrom that is never calm.

Except when I think of her...or when I am touching her.

I turn my thoughts away from Rey, she is a distraction I cannot afford now. I must focus or I will lose control like my grandfather.

Down, deeper now, to the core of myself.

Of who I am...my perception of the outer world falls away...there is only myself and the Force.

But something is wrong...there is another presence waiting, malignant and cruel, cutting through my connection with the Force.

I tumble into darkness, all of my senses blinded as my spirit is wrenched through the void.

I come awake with a clarity that I am not where I'm suppose to be.

But I know this place. It has haunted my dreams for months now, ever since I first learned the name Exegol from my grandfather's journals.

The shadows sway and pulse as I get to my feet. I am no longer covered in bandages, my sleeping robe gone.

Once more I am clothed in the armor of a Sith warrior. But there is something...wrong about this place.

A coldness, a vast presence meant to crush the spirit.

Then I hear it, a sibilant voice calling out and even I shudder at the sound of it.

I know I am a monster in the dark but this...this is beyond cruel ambition.

This is evil in its purest form.

_"Who...are...you?"_

_ Who are you?_

_ Who are you?_

For a moment I believe the voice is speaking to me, I have no intention of answering, but I'm wrong.

A woman's tormented scream rends the air. Blue lightning crawls through the darkness and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in primal warning.

I am already running to that sound.

How could I have not felt her and how was she here, of all places.

Rey...in the shadows of Exegol, where only a Sith may travel.

She is no Sith...and she should never have come here.

Revulsion crawls through me as cruel, malicious laughter fills the air in the wake of that display.

_"Good! Again! Give...in!"_

_ Give in._

_ Give in._

I can feel the pressure to submit beating inside my head and that sinister command was not even projected at me.

I have to reach Rey. Before she breaks beneath this madness.

My training to deal with these darker emotions is acting like a buffer, allowing me to move unimpeded to her side.

She has no such training as I hear her ragged sob, taste her despair.

This voice without a face is feeding off of her fear. Reveling in her horror as she tries to fight.

Fighting...and failing. The tears that slip down her face are of blood, the crimson drops the only color in this void between worlds.

"Rey. Stop."

Her body shudders at the sound of my voice and she turns, with difficulty, to look at me.

"R-Ren-"

She cannot see me, not as I see her and that scream of drowning despair rips from her lungs.

The smell of charred ozone as blue lightning streaks across the shadows in the wake of that screaming.

I refuse to follow the path my thoughts take at seeing a Sith power manifest around us as I come up behind her.

"Another...arrives..."

_Another._

_ Another. _

So my presence is known. I wasn't exactly trying to hide. The voice tries to claw into my mind, but I am not Rey who has never touched the Dark Side of the Force.

He cannot find purchase in my mind and I turn his power from me, my every focus on the woman who cannot survive here.

Her skin is like ice, the blood from her tears like rubies, crystallizing.

I slip my arms around her, channeling my energy into her. I feel her shudder again and I quickly close my hand over her mouth.

I have a growing suspicion why that lightning is here where it should not exist.

There is a part of me that prays I am wrong about this.

"Don't listen to the voice Rey. Fight it."

She has the power but not the experience or the strength to throw off this malignant influence.

I have both and through our Bond, I give her my strength.

"Familiar...you are...who are...you"

_Familiar._

Power tearing at my mind, a relentless pounding that makes me grit my teeth and turn it away. Again and again.

_Who are you._

_ Who are you._

Sinister fury ripping at me, Rey nigh insensible in my arms as I shift my grip and drag her body away from this place.

There is a way out of here, there must be. I have but to find the key.

That voice in the darkness does not cease and I feel her soul slipping from me, succumbing.

"Don't answer," don't let him find purchase in your mind, "Listen to me. _Hear _only me."

There, just a fraction of the light inside of her, pushing back the dark tide.

Her lips move against my hand, trying to speak.

If she can speak, then she is aware enough to fight and I lift my hand.

"Ren...how?"

Her voice is like a catalyst in this place. That one spark of Light, of goodness, and I hear the howl of maddened rage in response.

I wrap her in my power. I will not let this madness touch her, I will not let her be destroyed.

_"_I sense..._Skywalker _blood..."

That is impossible. There should be no one, save my mother and the woman in my arms, who knows of my heritage.

Unless...my concentration slips and I feel Rey suffer for it.

A snarl curling my lips, a clever ploy to divert my attention but not clever enough.

I will not let go of Rey. Not ever.

"I have you. I'm not going to leave you." The terror gripping her has her shaking in my arms and it is all I can do to keep her with me.

"Where," a guttural sound that if I were not holding her, I would not have recognized it for her voice, "are we?"

"In a nightmare."

The truth...but not all of it. We are...between worlds.

"Whose?"

My flagging spirit lifts at that short response. If she has the strength to ask questions then she is not lost to this place.

Not yet.

But I dare not answer. That...presence is far too silent. The stillness of a serpent, watching its prey, waiting to reveal a weakness.

I press a single finger to her lips, knowing she will understand.

She and I do not always need words to communicate.

A brief dip of her head and that is all I need.

She shifts in my arms and I look down just as she looks up and I see the flair of swirling amber, her eyes a light in the darkness.

The strength of her will, her power, crashes into me reinforcing the shield I wrapped around us.

She is no longer dead weight in my arms, her soul rekindled and fighting the effects of this place.

There is a reason I consider this woman my equal.

The shadows recoil, a writhing mass of muted fury as our strength combines.

She is pulling from my arms and I let her get to her feet. Their reaction to her...to us...I think I know how to leave this place behind.

I reach for her hand and I do not have to go far, she is already searching for mine.

"Let's get out of here."

No longer guttural but still raw from the screaming, I am in agreement.

Now is not the time for either one of us to be here.

The air around is vibrating, I sense the Force in all of its darkness coalescing around a single point.

I'm already bracing myself for what is about to come next.

"Nooo...noooo...I will not let you leave."

_Will not leave._

_ Will not leave._

Putrefying evil, malicious and stinking of death and decay, wash over us in a maelstrom of unleashed fury.

She does not scream, but I can see tears of blood welling in her eyes, the absolute terror that has locked her in place.

I won't let _him _win. He will not defeat us. He know _nothing _of what we are.

She lifts her head, red-stained eyes locking with mine and I lift my other hand to her.

Palm to palm.

I can _feel _her, in this place. That beautiful, unwavering light she holds in her is guttering under this miasma of hate and rage.

Even now, in this nightmare, she takes my breath away with the beauty of her soul.

I know what needs to be done. Light to push back the Dark.

What is terror but the fear of pain?

I pull the darkness from inside her, a rush of unremitting anguish at her own helplessness, of her drowning rage at being trapped.

Even I am not all-powerful and the limits of my own ability shatter beneath this additional weight.

"Ren," her voice a clear, perfect note in the howling fury inside me, "stop."

Her fingers move against mine, interlocking our hands.

She is the most beautiful aspect of my life and I _will not lose her. _

"Find..."I bite hard on my lip as screams build inside me from the crippling pain, "the light...Rey...it will guide you-"

Too much, I can no longer restrain the madness within and despite the blood I feel trickling down my skin, the scream rips from my lungs.

"I'm _not _leaving you here. You're coming with me."

I can barely hear her, our connected hands my only physical anchor.

"_Skywalker...I will have the blood...of Skywalker..."_

I would have laughed...had I the ability to speak now, having found my answer without the use of the wayfinder.

I knew, beyond doubt, who was speaking to us now.

The 'dead' Emperor.

Palpatine.

"I won't let you have him!"

Rey, screaming her defiance at him..._for _me.

The light that had nearly flickered out in her is a blaze in this dark maelstrom now.

Serrated blades of power dig deep into my mind, I can't hold him back.

"_Foolish child...he is already...mine..."_

He is inside me, a fetid weight on my soul, whispering to me that I will serve him...as my grandfather served him.

That the blood of Skywalker was always meant to serve the Dark Side.

Always the Servant, never the Master.

"No! Never!"

That voice...whose is that voice...

That warmth I feel, my single anchor, is gone and I can no longer stand.

If that warmth is gone...then what reason do I have to hold on?

Something catches me and the warmth that had left is now a blaze of heat across my soul.

A soft, lilting voice in my ear, but I am deaf to all but a few words that make no sense.

"He...home...take..."

Home. What was that? Did I even know what is was anymore?

Eyes of burning amber, lilting laughter and the shy curve of lips turning upward as they shape a single word.

_"Ben."_

"Nooo...nooo...get away-"

A caress of light, chasing the darkness from me by agonizing degree's.

A feathered touch to my mind...a voice, soft and haunting that has the echo of my mother but is not her...

_"There is still good in you...don't fight it..."_

White light blankets my mind, the weight of death lifting from my soul...

...and I feel adrift, cut off from everything.

I wonder if I shouldn't just stay here. No pain, no confusion. My soul is quiet, not in the perpetual state of conflict it has become.

_"Ben,_" a gentle touch I can somehow feel and a voice of heartbreaking beauty, _"wake up."_

How could I have forgotten her? She is my reason for living.

_"Come back to me._"

Rey.

I no longer feel weightless. The burns across my body are a sharp reminder that I am very much alive and the breath I take is a painful one.

I open my eyes to beauty.

"R-Rey."

My throat feels as though I swallowed shards of glass but I see the etches of sharp relief on her face.

My hand is lifting to her face and she presses my palm to her skin, her hand a tender cradle for mine.

"Ren...we're back. You got us out."

Her relief is nearly as palatable as my own. However, she is mistaken. I wasn't the one who freed us.

"Not...me. You."

She is denying my words...and the shaking of her body makes me realize where I am at.

My head in her lap, sprawled out despite the fact that I know had been kneeling before all of this had started.

I sit up, pain flaring up where the bandages pull against the open wounds and she is there at my side, helping me.

"Why are you so badly hurt?"

Concern and worry color her question about my well-being. Perhaps I should have felt more apprehensive about her seeing me in this state of vulnerability.

But I don't. Her presence at my side...it feels only right.

"A," sweat breaks out on my body as I try to stand, "...miscalculation on my part."

Her shoulder slips beneath me, her hand across my waist and between the two of us, I make it to my bed.

I still feel off-balance, my hands on her shoulder as she kneels by my legs.

"What happened to us? Where were we?"

Her practical nature is asserting itself and for once I am grateful for her endless questions.

It is taking my mind off of my injuries...and the press of her body against my legs.

I will never stop desiring this woman.

I lift my hands from her shoulder, needing to prove to myself that I am not as weak as my body is telling me.

Her hand is resting in my knee, the contact somehow soothing.

"That place...," I have no idea how intimate her knowledge is of the Sith, "how much did Skywalker teach you about the Sith?"

I can see my reply startles her and after a pause to gather her thoughts, she shakes her head at me.

"Almost nothing," and I am not surprised to hear this but then her eyes darken with shadows, "...except that they use the Dark Side for their own, cruel ends and that strong emotions lead down that path."

Ah, yes. That endless debate about how 'strong' emotions will always lead to corruption.

As if sentient being's should simply pretend emotions like anger...or passion...are somehow inanely wrong.

"A discussion for another time."

She wrinkles her nose at me, an adorable quirk of hers, but she doesn't press me harder.

"Why are you asking me?"

She only knows the basic teachings of what it means to be a Jedi...and I find myself...reluctant to expand her education of what separates a Jedi from a Sith.

But I made a promise to myself that I would never lie to her. Even if the truth causes only pain.

"Where you were," where she should _not _have been, "is a place...called Exegol."

A change in her breath, a subtle trembling of her hand at the name I mention.

"You've heard of it."

There was no other explanation for her changed demeanor. I wonder, not for the first time, if when she was with Skywalker she had a chance to look over the books he always kept with him.

Even during my youth I knew that Skywalker was obsessed with the Sith, certain that they were not dead...merely waiting for the right moment to reemerge.

"I think so," she isn't looking at me, her eyes clouded as though searching for a memory, "but I can't remember..."

Considering my own fogged mind upon leaving the shadows of Exegol, I would have been more amazed if she could remember.

A heavy sigh, clearly frustrated by her own lack of recollection and she returns her attention back to me.

"No, it's gone." Resignation and she fixes her troubled gaze on me, "What is...Exegol?"

Revulsion and terror as she speaks that name.

I never meant for her to know of that place, at least, not yet.

But somehow my timetable has been sped up and that..._thing, _I will not call it a man until I see his body for myself, is aware of her existence.

"It was thought to be a myth," of the nightmare variety, "...but I have discovered that it is quite real and it is...the Sith homeworld."

The wayfinder was the key. My soul might be able to travel there, but as I have learned much to my displeasure, I am no match for the sleeping evil that resides there.

Not yet.

"A Sith homeworld," horror in her voice and I look back at her to see the accusations growing in her lit eyes, "and you went...looking for it?"

A note of pleading, to tell me that she's wrong about what I've been up to lately.

I am about to disappoint her.

"I have been searching for it's location, yes."

Open disgust on her face and her lips pull back into a snarl.

"And you found it. Ren that place is _evil._"

There was no arguing that. I had felt the malevolent energy more than what even I was comfortable with.

However I disliked the way she judged me.

"It was not my intent to channel my spirit there," the open skepticism on her face makes my voice hard, "I am not so foolish as you seem to think."

"Then _what _were you doing?"

I should have known she wouldn't back down from this. I run a hand through my hair, wondering how to explain when these damn bandages pull at me again, reminding me of what I had been attempting to do in the first place.

A whisper of pressure, a touch of heat to my chest.

I open my eyes, she is pressing her finger to my sternum, where the worst of the blood has crusted.

No anger now, only gentle worry in her luminous eyes.

"What happened to you?"

My arrogance is what happened to me. I place my hand over hers...and push her away from my injury.

The flash of hurt across her face has me keeping a hold of her hand as I put it back on my knee.

That patient look on her face, she is still waiting for answer to her question.

"Searching for answers when I was met with opposition that I hadn't anticipated fully."

I didn't lie to her...I simply refuse to elaborate on the details.

Her look speaks volumes. She is not pleased with my reply.

I expect her to push, she doesn't like evasion.

However it seems she is starting to know me better.

"You said we were in a nightmare...was it yours?"

A change of subject and one I honestly didn't expect her to bring up.

Another thorny topic and I find myself picking my way through this conversation carefully.

I search her face, wondering if she knows the truth already about what happened back there.

No. I can see it in her clear, unwavering gaze.

"Yes...and no."

A hiss between her lips, a brief flash of muted anger and it nearly makes me smile, but it is one without mirth.

Time to end this dance and cut through the heart of the matter.

"I have dreamed of that place for," Since the day she left me at Crait, "...well, months now. Always the same."

Endless darkness, an evil without face or form, waiting for me in the shadows of the Force.

A glimpse of raw power, waiting to be mastered.

A trap...or destined fate. I'm still searching for that particular answer.

"How do you stand listening to that voice?" She is trembling against my legs, her voice shaking with lingering terror, "I felt like I was...dying."

I wanted to gather her in my arms, to promise her that she would never feel like that again.

But I don't...because there is an aspect to all of this that was never there before.

"That voice...has never been in my dreams until now." Only one thing had changed in all the months of these premonitions, "When I found you there with me."

Her head snaps up, staring at me with incomprehension.

"You think..._I'm _the one who brought that nightmare on?"

I wait for her explosive anger, for a denial that will send her scrambling away.

For her to deny that she has any connection to the Sith.

But she does nothing, except lower her head, a more troubled look on her face than I have ever glimpsed from her.

She is hiding something from me. A secret from her past that she refuses to talk about, even to me.

"Rey...I honestly don't know what to think."

An agitated jerk of her shoulder but she she speaks, it is with weary calm.

So what...you were sleeping, had this...dream or vision or whatever it was and I got dragged into it somehow?"

As if it were as simple as all of that.

"Not exactly."

Nothing was ever simple with the two of us.

She pulls her hand from mine, a spike of alarm goes through me...but she is leaning her head against me.

"Ren...you're not making _any _sense right now."

Exhaustion...frustration...a _need _to understand, I hear all of it in her.

I am not helping with my stilted answers, but I have learned to guard myself so well it is like breathing to me now.

She deserves better from me.

"I was meditating, using my connection with the Force to heal my wounds." Something no one knows about until now, "During that time my spirit was somehow...pulled away."

I must have drawn more power to me than what I calculated, catching _his _awareness and in my vulnerable state, capturing me.

That still didn't explain why Rey was caught.

"I am still unclear how you ended up there as well."

Her head is up, looking at me with suspicion tinged with the beginnings of excitement.

"You...you can _heal _using the Force?"

Her eyes linger on the scar she gave me and I can read the thoughts that speak through that look.

_If you can heal, why do you have the scar?_

"It takes a significant amount of concentration and a sensitivity that few possess, but yes."

Although my own skill was limited at this point. Smaller wounds, like simple cuts and minor burns, I could heal.

Larger one, like the one she gave me, were beyond my ability. The wounds on my chest was going to my first attempt to expand my limitations.

"How? Can I learn it? Will you teach me?"

A barrage of questions, excitement sparking her eyes.

Too much excitement. I knew her, my Rey. She was not asking to learn for herself.

She gave far too much of herself for others.

"Rey there is more to healing that what I told you," I need to impress upon her the severity of what she is asking and perhaps I do because she is no longer so animated, "Healing...comes with a price."

_Teilu, the blood on her ankle...my hand on her ankle when Rey's back was to me...a surge of weakness that left me lightheaded as my energy flowed into her..._

"What is it?" Caution now and that was good but I could feel her determination to learn.

She wanted this knowledge and I knew if I denied her, she would go looking for it.

Regardless of the costs. How could I fault her when I had done the exact same thing?

"You must use your own life energy to do the healing."

She doesn't understand. She is like a Padawan still learning what is means to use the Force.

I steeple my fingers, searching through my own memories and experiences to help her understand.

"When you heal your own wounds, as long as they are not life-threatening, there is no cost to you personally." The small lacerations when I trained with droids without armor healed with minimal effort now, "Your body will automatically replenish your energy when you are sick or injured, you're merely speeding up the process." She is no longer looking confused, absorbing the information quickly, "However, to heal another...," _Teilu, the weakness...the flow of energy leaving me, _"you must be willing to give up some of your life energy to that person. The greater the wound, the more it will cost."

Her eyes widen and she is gazing at the blood-soaked bandages again.

"Could I...help heal you?"

Her question staggers me. I...don't have the answer. It has not occurred to me that two Force users could work in tandem to do a healing.

She nudges my legs apart, now up on her knee's in front of me.

Her fingers once more resting on me.

"Ren," I swallow hard at the lilting caress in her voice, the swirling amber that look up at me with soft pleading, "I want to help you."

My hand is shaking when I touch her. Does she know what she is offering me?

Her life energy...and there is the fundamental flaw in her offer.

"Rey," regret and yearning in the words I speak now, "to heal you must be here in both spirit...and body."

She was only here in one, not both.

I see the disappointment and I want to sooth her, the offer in of itself was enough for me, but something changes in her.

"Then how...did you do what you did on...Exegol?"

I have no idea what she is referring to. The path her thoughts have taken elude me.

"Do what?"

"Ren," exasperation now, she thinks I am being evasive again, _" _I felt you _inside _of me when you," silent wonder slips into her eyes, "...took my fear, my anger into yourself."

She is looking at me as though I had saved her from the arms of death itself.

"How could you do that...if our bodies were not there?"

I am not certain myself...but I remember the feeling of it clearly.

"That wasn't healing. More of a transference of power."

She needed to survive, so I took her pain and gave her my strength in exchange.

"You gave me your strength...by taking the darkness out of me," careful words, her mind trying to find the missing pieces of this puzzle, "but how?"

A stray lock of hair slides down her face and I'm pushing it back before she can do it.

The beauty of her soul as it touched mine in that dark moment is a memory that I will forever carry in me.

"I have lived with what you call 'darkness' for most of my life. I've learned how to use it to my advantage." I would not be a Sith otherwise, "Your pain called out to me and I simply took it for my own."

Sorrow etched in her eyes as I speak and I don't know why. She asked me how and I tell her, so why is she giving me this heartrending look now?

I rub my thumb over her skin, remembering the tears of blood that she had shed and I cannot stand to see her this way.

"Don't look like that."

"Like what?" Tears in her voice, pain in her eyes and I touch my forehead to hers.

"Like you're hurting for me," I have caused her enough pain for a one lifetime, "Don't Rey, I don't want you to feel my pain."

I am the monster in the dark. There is no changing that destiny.

The slide of her palm along my skin, cupping my face.

We are mirrors of each other now.

I feel the warm glow of her energy...but something else is happening.

That energy...is flowing into me.

"Rey...what are you-"

The hum of pain always in the back of my mind, the tainted feel of putrid hatred from where _he _had touched me, fades to nothing.

Sunlight in my veins, the caress of a spring breeze across my soul.

Peace.

_Home. _

Something warm and wet sliding down my skin and there is a tightness in my throat that wasn't there before.

Tears. I'm crying...and I don't know why.

She pulls away from me and I lift my head, sorrow no longer present in her.

Only tenderness now.

I know why I'm crying.

I found my way back home.

"How did you..."

But my voice won't work, I cannot speak past the lump in my throat.

Her fingers brush the wetness from my face and she answers the question I couldn't finish.

"You took my fear...so I'm taking your pain."

She should not share my darkness. Her spirit burns to brightly to dwell here.

"I told you I-"

Her mouth on mine, stealing the protest from my lips.

Her touch is a tinder to my desire and I hold her in place, needing her.

This fire...our lips gliding, a spark rather than the inferno, but welcome all the same.

The heat of her, the glow of her affection, dry up my tears.

We pull away...and I can breath again.

The sorrow is gone, the pain no longer visible in her eyes.

But she is no longer so tangible in my arms, the fire of soul muting and I know that she has to leave.

Our time together is coming to an end.

She knows it, just as I do.

"Come back to me soon Rey," I cannot hide the ache she leaves in me, "I don't know how much longer I can bear to be parted from you."

"I-"

She's gone.

I lay on my bed, closing my eyes in utter weariness.

Not of the flesh, but of the soul.

This place...it is not my home.

Not without her by my side.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Notes**: Yes another update in just as many days! Hope you guys don't mind all the reading I'm sending your way. *Manic grin * As a reminder, in case anyone forgot, this is a 16+ rating. Sooo...enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Like it? Hate it? Tell me!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Rey

Another world, another place to hide. Constantly running but at least now we could rest.

We were on a moon close to Dathomir in the Outer Rim.

Sparsely inhabited but lush with life and vegetation. Sprawling forests and clear lakes between peaks of craggy mountains and rolling hills.

Until we could find a more permanent solution, this was going to be home for the next month.

Leia had an idea for where we would make our final base but she had sent Finn and Poe to scout the location.

I was with ground crew, setting up transmissions and working on the other ships to get them flight ready should we need to leave in a hurry.

I wonder if she knew how much I loved anything green and growing. It was as though I could feel my soul breathing, parched for so long on a desert world.

"Go Rey."

I turn and look at Leia, a definitive twinkle in her aged face.

"General?"

"I can feel you vibrating with energy. You want to go out and explore don't you?"

"I," I tuck a strand behind my ear, "am I that obvious?"

"Yes,"a chuckle and she waves me off, "so go. Take your communicator with you so we can track you in case you run into trouble."

"Thank you, General."

"Leia...and you had better be sure I'm going to put you to work when you get back."

She startles me into laughter and I see her smile, some of the burden lifting from her in that short instance.

"Go."

I give her a quick hug and she pulls me into a tight embrace before releasing me.

I gather my things and take off, letting the Force guide me where it will.

Now that I am alone, my thoughts go only in one direction.

Towards Ren and the endless ache for him that grows ever more consuming each day we are apart.

The untouched beauty of this world only intensifies my need to see him.

"Ren, I wish you were here," I murmur as pick my way through a sprawling forest, the shadow of cliffs in the distance yet, "so I could share this with you."

"Another green world I see."

The sun is a glowing disk in an azure sky but tendrils of ice and rain brush across my skin.

"Ren!"

The sound of his dark voice filling the air with his presence as he emerges from the dappled forest. We haven't connected like this since I awoke on the edge of that nightmare world called Exegol.

I still wake up, shivering and terrified some nights, that sinister voice whispering in my head.

That had been over a week ago.

I turn my thoughts away from that place and back to him.

He's in his armor but not his cloak or gloves. I wonder what he was doing before the Force brought him to me.

"What are you doing?"

"Practicing." I give him a jaunty look as he raises an eyebrow at me. "I've been reading the Jedi manuals I found in the Falcon and they say a Jedi should have great dexterity and stamina when using the Force."

I blow out a breath. "I'm trying to figure out what that means."

"You'll understand better if I demonstrate."

He's already removing the armor. The weather on this moon is humid thanks to the vast tracks of forests and I see him roll up the arms of his shirt.

Which looks vaguely familiar but I can't be sure its the one I bought him on Pralis.

A small thrill of pleasure goes through me at the thought that he wears it when I'm not around.

Like he's carrying a piece of me with him.

"How do you..."

But he's already in motion. I'm in one of the ancient forests but there is a small mountain behind me, more like an over-glorified hill, that at is at least ten meters tall.

I watch, my mouth open, as Ren leaps from the ground to the top of it in seconds.

"How the hell did you do that!"

I can practically feel his smugness when he leaps off in a controlled dive, twisting mid-air to land on his feet barely a foot from me.

He looks at me, eyes gleaming and his hair wind-tousled.

My pulse leaps at the sight of him, he has far too much power over my heart.

"You're showing off." I accuse him but I can feel the grin on my face, I couldn't help admiring his...form.

Damn if his confidence wasn't arousing to me.

A lift of his broad shoulders. "Perhaps."

I stalk over to him and poke him in the chest.

"Show me how you did that."

"Dexterity and stamina."

"Ren!" I shove him and he shakes his head at me, catching my wrist and turning me in his arms.

"You must use the Force."

"I kind of figured that out, be a little more specific."

"Focus your intent. You want to reach the top of the cliff? How?"

"By," I remember his leap from the ground, "jumping."

I had to use the Force to boost my own strength, give me the leverage I needed to make the jump.

He let's go of me and takes a step back.

"For a beginning lesson, trying running to build up your momentum."

Again he's in motion and I blink when he's once more standing on top of the cliff, looking down over the edge at me.

I can see him lift an eyebrow in my direction, challenge in his unwavering gaze.

I bit the inside of my cheek. I can do this.

I back up several feet from the base, take a calm breath, and take off running.

There, the small boulder to the left, I turn and use that as my leaping point, feeling the Force flow through me and my momentum accelerates me towards the edge.

I shoot upward, Ren catching me by the wrist, swinging me over and onto the ground.

"Wow..." my heart is pounding and for a moment, I felt like I could fly into the air.

"Not a bad first effort."

I smack him lightly across the arm. "It wouldn't kill you to give me a compliment, you know that?"

"I thought I just did."

"Oh I'm going to make you eat those words!"

I can't help laughing at the dubious look he casts in my direction.

"You need to work on your agility and your stamina if you want to make impossible leaps."

"How?"

He raises that eyebrow at me, obsidian fire filled with challenge that I am eager to accept.

"Follow me...if you can."

He takes off running across the cliff, heading towards another sprawling forest in the distance.

I am already chasing him, catching up quickly but then we are at the forests edge and he is dodging between low branches and leaping over fallen logs.

Like this is one, huge obstacle course to him.

I don't think, I just let go and allow the Force to guide me.

I can see him, so close that I can almost reach out and touch him.

I barely miss getting smacked in the face with a branch.

"Hey!"

He glances behind to give me an arrogant look and we pick up speed.

I've never had so much fun in my life running after him.

Dodge and turn, leaping and jumping. Just when I think I've caught him, he picks up the pace again.

My lungs are burning, so are my legs, but my spirit is flying.

There, he turns around the base of an enormous tree and I catch the flash of dark color as he leaps into the air.

I track his movement with my eye and see that he's on a branch several meters off the ground, his arm resting on his drawn up leg.

Waiting to see what I will do.

I don't hesitate, I leap from the ground and I find myself gripping the mossy covering of the branch, just barely able to swing myself up next to him.

"Better."

I am too winded to reply...so I stick my tongue out at him instead.

He turns his head, lifting his hand but not before I see the flash of his lips turning upward before he hides it from me.

"Come on, we've barely started...unless you're too tired to go on?"

"Hmph!"

I leap down from the tree, the jolt making my teeth rattle, and I give him a smug look.

"Just try and keep up!"

I take off at a dead run, hearing his footstep almost instantly.

The height from the branch let me see part of the terrain and I knew the forest was going to open up soon.

Weaving, leaping, I can practically feel his breath on my neck.

The forest ends...and I nearly run off of another cliff.

"Whoa!"

Arms around my waist, swinging be back from the edge.

His skin is warm from the exertion, the heat of his body like a furnace.

"That was close. Do you run with your eyes closed?"

"I thought it was further away than this."

I let go of him to peer over the edge. It had to be a least a thirty meter drop into an open meadow. Not too far away I could see a lake shimmering beneath the gaps of tree's where sunlight broke through.

"Well...do we try to find a path down?"

There had to be a way. I didn't have my grappling gun and I doubted Ren had one on him. All I saw was the saber clipped to his belt, mine was strapped to my waist.

"We already have one."

I see him backing up from the edge, a gleam of wild fire in his eyes.

"Ren...no you can't be serious! That is at least a thirty meter drop!"

"Just like flying Rey. Trust me."

"Ren," but my protest falls on deaf ear as he races past me to the edge...and over it.

"REN!"

I'm on my knee's, my fingers gripping the edges as I watch, unable to look away as he dives towards the ground.

He flips mid-way in the air and suddenly he's on the ground, standing there as if he hadn't just dived head first off of a cliff.

The man was insane.

"Come down Rey!" I can hear his voice but my heart is still trying to crawl out of my throat. "Trust me! Trust in yourself!"

I want to be a Jedi, to learn all that there is in the way of the Force.

This...this was just another lesson.

Ren was down there unharmed.

I'm on my feet, I can't think about this. If I do the fear will take over.

I have to trust myself just like he told me to.

I back up remembering his running start and I close my eyes.

I'm just as insane as he is.

I run straight off the cliff, the wind tangling in my hair and for a moment, I am weightless.

He was right...I feel as though I could fly...but then gravity pays me a visit and I am in free fall.

I should be terrified...but all I feel is exhilaration, my body knows what to do and I tuck into a roll, so that I can land on my feet, not my head.

Except I forgot to ask Ren how I slow my descent.

I was going to crash into the ground. Hard.

Damn this was going to hurt!

The wind catches me and I begin to slow much faster that I should and just like that I feel his arms catching me by the waist, swinging me into an arc as he plants me on my feet.

My nails dig furrows into his bare arms where I grabbed onto him.

My legs are shaking and I'm still getting used to the fact that I am in one piece.

Being held in his arms.

I look up at him and I see laughter and approval in them.

"Well done."

"Ren! You...you _knew _that was going to happen to me!"

I am laughing and shaking at the same time.

He tricked me! He knew I didn't know how to stop in time!

"Of course. It's the only way to learn. If I had told you what to expect beforehand, you would have overthought it and let fear take hold."

I couldn't fault him on that. I had been thinking the same thing when I was standing up there.

But that didn't mean I was going to let him get away with it.

"You're going to pay for that!" Adrenaline still spiking my blood as I shove him off-balance. A strangle sound from his throat, followed by a shriek from me as he pulls me down with him, our bodies in motion.

We're on an incline and we keep rolling until somehow I end on top of him, straddling him.

My hands are on his chest, his on my hips and I am breathless with laughter.

He is looking up at me, a brightness in him that I haven't seen since Pralis.

I tap him lightly on the chest.

"Ha! I win this one!"

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

Playful words despite the calm mien on his face, as though he hadn't just tumbled through the meadow with me.

"I'm on top." My lips curve in smug superiority just before he shifts slightly beneath me.

My throat dries as I realize the position I put us in with my little shove.

His fingers dig into my hips, pressing me against him and heat pools low in my belly, making my breath halt.

His eyes darken, sharp awareness scorching the air between us.

I can feel the _want _in his body, hard and thrumming beneath me.

I shove at his chest, scrambling off of him quickly.

That...was unexpected.

I know he's not really here but I'm having a hard time convincing my body of this fact.

I turn and he's still laying there, propped up on his elbows, watching me with those haunting eyes of his.

I blow out a breath...and offer him my hand.

"Come one...I think I saw a lake not far from here and I'm dying for a drink."

A brief hesitation, a whisper of _something _in his gaze and then he is reaching up to clasp my wrist, letting me pull him to his feet.

My breath stutters as he looms over me. I always forget how he makes me feel when I stand next to him. Aware of myself, not as a Jedi, not as a scavenger, but as a woman.

A different feeling altogether.

"I'll race you."

He opens his mouth but I'm already turning, running full tilt towards edge of the meadow where the forest meets up again.

I glance only once behind me and laugh, he's nearly caught up, and I disappear into the woods.

I can smell the water, I don't know how, but I do. Clean and clear, drawing me closer until I halt at the edges.

The light dappling through the tree's, the soft waves shimmering in the breeze.

The scent of ice and rain at my side and he is standing next to me.

It's quiet here, peaceful...and secluded. We stand on a small hill, the trek down to the water not far but I can feel the sweat plastering my shirt to my back, my hair filled with leaves and twigs from the meadow.

The water calls to me, I can practically feel it on my skin.

"Rey what are you...doing."

I'm pulling my shirt over my head, tossing it over a small branch. The banded cloth across my chest and my lightweight pants that barely cut across my knee are not exactly made for swimming, but it'll do.

I look over at Ren who is watching me with smoldering eyes and I drop the belt around my waist that holds my saber.

"I'm going for a swim."

I race up the hill until I reach the peak.

The drop from here to the water is a hell of lot closer than the damn cliff I jumped off earlier.

"Rey I don't think..."

But I'm already diving, the rest of his words lost to the wind, the cool rush of water as it closes over me.

I was right, the lake is deep enough that I can swim down touch it's sandy bottom before I shoot back up to the surface.

The sweet gasp of air, the cooling of my skin as the breeze dries the water. I look up to see Ren looking down at me from the top of the hill, his arm crossed.

"This feels amazing! Come in!"

He's shaking his head at me and I splash water in his direction knowing full well it can't reach him.

"Don't tell me the _great _Kylo Ren is afraid to get a little wet?"

Mocking words, a challenge in them and I know he can hear me.

"You'll regret those words."

I roll my eyes at him, still paddling in the water below the ledge.

"Oooh, I'm terrified."

I can practically hear his growl from here and then he strips the shirt from his body.

A flush of heat, spiraling inside of me at the glimpse of his broad chest just as he dives off the cliff and I forget how to breath.

I lose my footing and I duck beneath the water, coming back up with sputtering gasp and water streaming in my eyes.

"Ren?" I push wet strands away but I don't see him. He hasn't emerged from the depths and I move closer where I saw him dive.

"Ren? Where are you?" I turn in circles and still he doesn't surface and I begin to panic, thinking to dive down to see if he hurt himself.

Hands around my waist and I let out a yell as he comes out of the water, lifting me up in the process.

Water streaming down his body, his hair plastered to his face and that glint of fire in his eyes.

My hands on his shoulders as he dangles me above the water, only my legs still submerged.

"I told you I would make you regret those words."

"Ren!" Laughter in my voice, relief to find him safe, "put me down!"

"Why should I?"

His body moves against mine as we tread water and I move my hands across his smooth skin, until I am cupping his face and lean down.

"Because I told you to."

I kiss his mouth, my hands gripping his hair and I am back in the water, pressed up in his arms.

Our tongues tangle, his strong hands digging into me and I break away, inhaling much needed air.

I splash water at him with my free arm and he releases me in order to protect himself.

"Ha! You want me, you have to catch me first!" I splash water at him again and he turns, diving for me.

But I'm already swimming away from him. He surfaces and the battle is on.

I yelp when he splashes me, the cold water a sharp contrast to my sun-heated skin and we're at it again.

I can't help but snicker when I catch him in the face, sputtering and pushing dark strands away from his eyes.

"Oh no...no you don't!"

I know that look on his face and he dives once more beneath the surface. I know he's cheating. Using the Force to hold his breath longer, to move quicker.

My only chance is to reach the bank and I swim for it.

I'm almost there when he catches me again.

"Ren!"

Once more he swings me out of the water...and puts me on the bank, my lower legs dangling in the water as he rests his arms on my thighs, trapping me in place.

"I believe I win this time."

Smug words, the curve of his mouth highly satisfied.

I reach down and run my fingers through his dark hair, laughter flowing through me.

"Okay, fine, you win. How do you swim so well?"

"I learned when I was young," lazy words as he lays his head on his arms, letting me pet him, "it's not something you tend to forget."

The feel of his cool, silken hair beneath my fingers is a pleasure all on its own.

He moves, wrapping is arms around my waist, burying his face into my stomach.

"Ren," I'm still stroking his hair, "what are you-"

The press of his mouth, a hot kiss against my cooling skin is a shock and my body arches in response, stealing my breath.

My fingers tighten in his hair and I feel his mouth moving upward, a trail of fire that I don't want to stop.

He's out of the water, looming over me and I lose my grip on his hair, falling back on my elbows.

His hand around my neck, his mouth on mine and I tremble with violent arousal as I feel the slide of his naked skin on mine.

Our tongues tangle as he presses me into the fragrant grass, my arms around his neck, the feel of him my only thought.

His hands roam my body, a hot, possessive caress that has me gasping into his mouth, my legs coming around his.

The feel of his lips leaving mine, tasting my skin and my nails dig into his back at the devastation he is causing in me.

A sharp, throb of pain as he bites down on my neck in response to my nails.

"Gods...Ben!"

He doesn't stop but only presses harder into me and I want him to hold me closer.

I don't want him to stop, I want more and I feel like I might die if this ends.

His mouth on mine as we tangle in each other, arms and legs and it's not enough.

His fingers on the band across my chest and I want to tell him _yes, _I don't care about anything else...

"Rey! Where are you? Are you here!"

My mouth wrenching from his at the sound of Finn's voice.

"Rey! Can you hear us?"

Poe's voice now.

I make a frustrated sound that mingles with the low growl vibrating from Ben.

What are they doing here? They were suppose to be gone for hours yet.

I twist in his arms, searching the bank to see if can spot their silhouette in the distance.

His mouth is on my back and I forget about Poe and Finn, just the feel of him against me.

"Ignore them. They can't see me."

His mouth moving across my skin and I want to give in to the throb of desire I hear in him, but his words...

I pause, a memory surfaces.

Finn...a far off look in his gaze, as though listening to something...

It was the same look I had seen in Leia's eyes, the same I had in mine...when I connected with the Force.

"I..don't think that's entirely true."

A stillness in him,his body lifting from mine and I turn to look at him, panic in my gaze.

"You have to leave, now!"

"Rey what are you-" his eyes narrow, his focus turning outward, "not Dameron. He is deaf to everything around him...but Finn...the renegade."

I should have known he would figure it out and I scramble to my feet.

I reach out, pulling my shirt from the tree in the distance, along with my belt and saber.

Ben is also on his feet, doing the same.

My skin is damp and the cloth catches and I snarl in frustration as I yank it back into place.

My hair streams water down my back and I don't care.

I turn to look at Ben...and see the cold, hard gaze of Ren staring back at me.

"He's not a Jedi," I tell him pressing my hands to his chest, willing him to listen to me, "but I think he might be Force sensitive. I can't take the risk he can see you."

"Are you afraid that he will see me...or see _us _together?"

I thump him hard on the chest for that.

"That's not what I mean! They don't see you the way I do...don't _know _you the way I do."

"Ask me if I care."

"I care!" I lift my hand to his face, "Please Ren...for me. You have to go."

I didn't want him to go, I wanted him to stay.

Our Bond, it was stronger somehow. I felt no pain and the feel of him...it was though he _was _here with me.

I see the relenting in his eyes, but no less angry.

His hands cover mine as he captures my mouth in one last furious kiss between us.

"I'll go...but _only _this one time, for you Rey."

I nod my head and drop my hands. A hard, blazing look in his gaze and he turns...and is gone.

Finn and Poe are coming from a different direction than what Ren and I took to get here.

"Rey! There you are! We've been searching for you."

Finn's broad grin, happy to see me.

I have the sudden urge to punch him.

"How the hell did you get all the way out here?"

Poe, that cocky grin on his face.

I wanted to dump him in the lake.

"I was exploring. Caught a glimpse of this place."

I'm struggling to rein in the anger, to remember that they are _friends, _not intruders.

"Why are your clothes soaked?"

Finn, his endless questions.

Poe is looking at me, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Umm Rey...were you swimming?"

"Yeah, it's hot and I needed to cool off. Something wrong with that?"

I have my saber back around my waist and I quickly pull my hair up from the spare tie I keep in the pouch.

"Nope," Poe holding up his hands in a gesture of peace, "nothing at all."

"Uh Rey," Finn moving closer to me,a confused look in his eyes, "what's that on your neck?"

"What's what?"

He toss me his blaster, the chrome plating acting like a mirror. I pull it up...and see the small, red mark on my neck.

The exact spot Ben had bitten when I scored his back with my nails only minutes ago.

My body throbs with renewed tension and I quickly toss the blaster back to Finn.

"I was practicing in the woods, probably got hit by a stray branch and didn't realize it."

I keep my voice calm, refusing to lift my hand, to touch where he had left his mark on me.

I hoped he still wore the scratches on his back from me.

"So...why are you guys back so early? I though Leia sent you to scout our new base?"

"Yeah, well turns out our 'new' base is actually an older, forgotten base that is less than a parsec from our current location."

Poe speaking, excitement in his voice at the prospect of a more, permanent place to settle in.

I want to be excited, I do, but all I can think of is Ben. I can still feel his arms around me, his mouth on my body.

The throb of his voice, filling me with unrelenting arousal.

"Rey...you okay?"

I blink and remember that I'm not alone.

"Yeah..that's great news,"I manage a smile for both of them, "have you told Leia about this?"

"Yeah, she pointed us in your direction when you weren't with the main force."

"Well we had better get back. I want to hear more about our new home. Where is it located exactly?"

"Ajan Kloss."

Why did that sound so familiar?

I'm sure Leia would fill us in and I'd find answers that way.

I turn from them, not even thinking about it as I leap onto a boulder jutting from the hill and I'm standing in the same spot Ren and I found overlooking the lake.

"Whoa Rey! How did you do that?"

Finn, whistling his surprise and I look back down at them.

"I told you, I've been practicing. See you back at camp!"

"Wait Rey..."

But I don't wait, I take off running. I can't face them, can't look at them until I get Ben out of my blood.

I knew, had they not interrupt us, I would have given myself to him there on the lake.

Whatever hesitation I had felt about being with Ben on Pralis Six was gone.

Maybe it was when he saved me in the shadows of Exegol, when I looked at him and thought _home, _that has changed me.

My hand covers the mark on my neck, a vivid reminder that what we shared was _real,_ and I don't want it to fade.

I don't know how much longer I can take being parted from him like this.

Something has to give...soon or this raging fire inside me was going to drive me to madness.


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Notes: **Update! I know I am so, so late with this and I beg your forgiveness. Hopefully I will be able to update a little more quickly in the future! So without further ado, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! **Yeah you know the drill..drop me a comment to tell me what you think.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

Kylo Ren

Hoth. Sixth planet in a long, forgotten system by the same name. I and two of my Knights along with a platoon of Stormtroopers are here at my command.

A thought has plagued me since the Battle of Crait. Of all the places to make a stand, why had my mother chosen that world?

Time spent among the Archives revealed that Crait was meant to be permanent base for the Rebels during the Old War. However it was abandoned when a better planet, Dantooine, was discovered.

Crait was never officially recorded as a Rebel base but my mother knew about it all the same.

Which meant that there could be places the old Rebels used that were never recorded.

Places that my mother knows about and can use to strengthen her Resistance.

So now my Knights and I are scouring the galaxy, going to every known planet from the Old War, looking for clues to these 'hidden' worlds.

Hoth was one of the few places where both of my parents and my uncle were present at the same time.

It was worth my presence and I walked along the ruins of the forgotten Echo Base.

Even after all these years, the ice and freezing temperature could not erase the violence done by grandfather.

Scorch marks from his lightsaber still blackened the walls and I touched my fingers to one of them.

"Master Ren, we've located the main command center."

I drop my hand at the sound of Vicrul's guttural tone and leave the past behind me.

Everything is covered in ice and snow, the terminals destruction frozen in time.

Several of my troopers are scanning the wreckage and I look to the commander.

"Anything?"

"Most of the equipment was damaged in the initial strike by the former Empire, the rest eroded by the weather. We'll keep digging to see if any viable pieces survived, Sir."

I give a nod of my head, I knew from the beginning that this might not yield results but my instincts tell me that it's too soon to turn back.

I leave them to their task and continue my inspection of the Rebel base.

There is little left of value.

I need to go and recheck the Archives and see if any other bases were noted in the logs for this planet.

"Ushar, oversee this operation until I return."

"Yes Master."

My ship is just outside the perimeter and I strip my gloves and cloak off, both covered in shards of ice from the temperamental climate as I tap in the command to pull up the Archive files on Hoth.

This shouldn't take long and I-

_Ren...I wish...you were here..._

Sunlight on my face, the scent of flowers in my mind.

Rey, reaching for me through our Bond, a yearning that I cannot ignore.

I close my eyes and let the Bond resonate through me, pulling me to where she waits.

"Another green world I see."

I should have known I would find her in such a place. Our scattered Bonding has allowed me to glimpse some of the secrets of her soul.

Rey is in love with anything that is green and growing. The older it was, the more she was drawn to it.

This forest that I found myself in was such a place.

"Ren!"

Delight in her voice that I will never tire of hearing when she calls my name.

She turns to look at me.

She has a wind-swept look about her. Color riding high on her cheekbones, eyes that glimmer with a mingle of frustrated annoyance that quickly shift to excitement when they land on me.

She's wearing her usual outfit that I've come to know at her 'practice' clothing.

Wrapped tunic, tight pants cut off at the knee's and ankle boots. Her hair is pulled back into a practical braid, only emphasizing the lush beauty of her face.

Shadows move in her eyes as she continues to look at me, an almost haunted look passing over her.

I am wondering if she is remembering our last time together. That nightmare that I dragged her into unknowingly.

Exegol. I wonder if she hears that putrid laughter in her dreams...and my hands tighten into fists at the thought of her having more nightmares.

Because of me.

Before she can bring that up, and the reason for my interest in the Sith homeworld, I turn her attention away from me.

"What are you doing?"

I see neither the droid who has become her familiar shadow or the staff she carries.

Her saber is on a belt around her waist.

The shadows flee in her eyes and I see that mingled expression of high annoyance and stubbornness resettle itself.

"Practicing."

She has no weapon in hand and the clearing she is at is nearly empty. I can only contemplate what she is 'practicing' to put that look on her face.

Perhaps I have become lax in guarding my thoughts because she gives me an arched look as she flicks her braid off of her shoulder.

"I've been reading the Jedi manuals I found in the Falcon and they say a Jedi should have great dexterity and stamina when using the Force."

If she has been reading those dry, long-winded books that would explain some of her frustration.

She blows out a breath, her words tinged with a soft growl. "I'm trying to figure out what that means."

"You'll understand better if I demonstrate."

She's giving me a jaundice look as I strip off my armor. The humidity here is enough to give me pause, considering what I am about to show her and I remove a few unwanted layers.

The shirt she bought me weeks ago lies beneath my armor, a reminder that our time together was not a dreams I created to torment myself, and I push back the sleeves out of sheer self-defense to the heat.

The books she is reading were meant to go hand-in-hand with the practical applications a Master would teach in conjunction.

The hill behind her would have to do for now.

"How do you..."

But her question is lost as I propel myself forward, grounding myself in the Force, the focus of my will all that I need.

The rush of the wind, the feeling of weightlessness and just like that I am on top of the hill, staring down at Rey who is looking at me like a gaping fish out of water.

"How the hell did you do that!"

Astonishment and envy wrapped together as she shouts her words up to me.

It was a paltry exercise, the hill isn't even that tall, but I cannot help the thread of satisfaction that steals through me at the look of amazement on her face.

I go down the same way I came up, jumping off the base and using the Force to twist mid-air so that I land smoothly just a meter shy of where she stands.

"You're showing off."

The glow in her eyes made my heart pound painfully in my chest as she leisurely sweeps her eyes over me.

If she only knew how she could devastate me with a single look.

I might have been mildly annoyed at the accusation in her words, even if they were true, except for the delighted grin spreading over her face.

"Perhaps." I give a lift of my shoulder as though her smile wasn't wrecking havoc inside of me.

A flash of fire in amber and she crosses the distance between us, her finger landing on my chest.

"Show me how you did that."

Not a request; a demand. An eagerness to learn, to have wings of her own as it were.

Her passion was a heady thing to me and I could not help teasing her for the feeling's she evokes in me because of it.

"Dexterity and stamina."

Dry words, only slightly mocking as I recite the two things from that dry, boring book she is brooding over.

"Ren!" Laughter and irritation as she shoves me, or tries to, and I can only shake my head at her and catch her wrist, turning her in my arms.

Tendrils of hair that have escaped her braid brush against my skin, bringing the scent of flowers with it.

She smells of home and that tight, guarded part of my soul releases.

"You must use the Force."

She relaxes in my arms and tilts her head up to look at me, exasperation clear in her eyes.

"I kind of figured that out for myself, be a little more specific."

Aggrieved words and I wonder if she realizes she is asking questions a Padawan would only approach a Master with.

Perhaps not. This is Rey with her endless thirst for knowledge.

Well I have come this far and I'm not going to back down now.

But I also have no intention of simply handing her the answer.

"Focus your intent. You want to reach the top of the cliff?" Again that flash of fire in her gaze, "How?"

If she truly wants to learn, to grow, then she must be able to figure this out for herself.

I can only guide her.

The irony is not lost of me. I, the one they call the 'Jedi Killer', teaching her how to be a Jedi.

Her brow furrows and I see her mind working through the answer.

Her intellect is a beauty of its own.

"By...jumping."

Reluctantly I step back and give a nod of my head.

She knows the answer, she just has to put thought to motion.

"For a beginning lesson, trying running to build up your momentum."

I needed no such leverage and simply propelled myself upward and back onto the top of the cliff.

Rey, where I left her, staring up at me with that astonished gaze.

She must believe in the impossible if she is to accomplish it.

I lift my brow in her direction.

_Scared of a little height? _

A flash of ire in her gaze and she backs up, no longer indecisive.

That's my girl.

I watch as she backs up far enough that she'll be able to get a decent amount of momentum and then she is motion.

I wonder if she will try to run up the cliff but then she angles slightly to her left and her foot touches a boulder protruding from the base.

Clever, to use that for her launching point.

She shoot up towards me, like a blast from a pistol and her momentum is too much, too fast.

Her arm is outstretched as if she would catch the edge. Instead I catch her, using her speed to swing her up and over, her feet now touching solid ground.

Her face is flushed, wild tendrils of her hair cling to her face and her amber eyes are lit up like the dawning sun.

She pulls away from me to peer over the edge.

"Wow..."

Ah, yes. That first spike of adrenaline that hits the blood after such a feat.

"Not a bad first attempt."

Had she managed to grab the cliff at that speed with bare hands, she would be lucky if she had any skin left at all.

She gives me a dour look and smacks me across the arm but there is no malice in the gesture.

"It wouldn't kill you to give me a compliment, you know that?"

Grumpy words that make me want to smile. It seems that she wants my approval and a mood comes over me.

"I thought I just did?"

My words have a slightly mocking ring to them and a soft growl leaves her mouth.

"Oh I am going to make you eat those words!"

Teasing Rey is quite enjoyable, especially when she flashes those eyes at me out of sheer pique.

However she has much to learn if she truly wants to be called a Jedi.

Her annoyance turns to lilting laughter that tugs at my soul.

"You need to work on your agility and your stamina if you want to make impossible leaps."

She has the raw power, an instinctive sensitivity to the Force but that is not what makes a Jedi. She must fine tune her control, call upon the Force at will, not be swept away by the tide.

Otherwise she well never progress beyond that of a gifted Padawan.

"How?"

Hands on her hips, challenge in both demeanor and words.

She should know better by now than to provoke me.

The forests here are ancient, I can feel the natural flow and ebb of its power and deem it a good place to train.

I catch her gaze and feel the adrenaline spike in my blood when she does not turn away, but lifts her chin in open challenge.

"Follow me," I tell her softly, "if you can."

Her eyes widen but I give her no time to argue as I take off running for the woods in the distance.

The tenor of her breathing, the crunch of grass and gravel beneath her weight tells me she is already in pursuit.

I can practically feel her breath on my neck when I reach the forest edge, but there is more to endurance than being able to sprint at a moment's notice.

Vines hang like ropes from tree's, lichen and moss cover the bark in velvet greens and golds.

The air here is damp and moist and I'm already sweating, my skin covered in a fine layer of perspiration.

But there is no time to stop, no time to pause.

A fallen branch bars the path into the forest and I vault over it, ducking before a vine can have the chance to wrap around my throat.

I can hear her now, the glide of leather over rock, the hitched breathing. She does well over flat terrain, let us see how she handles this one.

I turn, in time, to miss being hit in the head by a lower hanging branch.

"Hey!"

I look back to see Rey doing the same turn, startled anger in her glimmering eyes.

Amusement me has me shaking slightly at the outraged look and I pick up the pace.

She's fast, so let's see how much faster she can go.

We fly through the forest and I pick the path at random, looking for obstacles that will trip us up, for vines that will catch us unaware, anything that will test our endurance and our senses.

Each time I feel her breath on my neck, the scent of flowers and sunlight in my blood, I pick up the pace.

The forest sprawls ever onward, and endless tangle of tree's where only motes of sunlight filter through the dense branches.

I am unfamiliar with this landscape and I need to see where we should head next.

Even as I run, I scan the area for a tree that will suit my needs.

There, just in the distance, a giant among the rest.

The lowest branch is at least five meters of the ground.

I turn and leap into the tree, bark digging into me as I settle myself and wait for Rey.

She moves with a lithe grace, her eyes never leaving me and I watch as she makes the leap, her fingers just managing to catch the limb as she swings herself up and next to me.

Sweat runs in rivers down her brow, plastering her hair tight across the back of her neck.

"Better."

She has the strength, she just needs to work on her timing and accuracy now. Something that can only come with practice and experience.

She is still gulping in air, I can see her limbs trembling as she shoots me an aggrieved look.

A flash in her gaze...and she sticks her tongue out at me for my comment.

It is an absurd gesture, utterly childish and I have to turn my head to hide my smile.

She makes me feel...young again, in a way that I never was growing up.

As if anything was possible, my fate yet decided.

The treeline ends in the distance stopping short of a cliff I can see from our vantage point.

"Come on," I tell her getting to my feet on the limb, "we've barely started...unless you're too tired to go on?"

My words have a slight edge to them, just enough of a dig at her flagging stamina.

"Hmph!"

A flair of temper, eyes sparking copper at me and she jumps from the height with a bone-jarring force that makes my teeth ache in sympathy.

She's upright as soon as she touches ground, flashing me that wicked smile that always means trouble when she is around.

"Just try and keep up!"

I blink as she takes off at a dead run towards the cliff I noted only seconds ago.

I'm out of the tree and hard on her heels, the tendrils of her dark hair streaming like a banner behind her.

She doesn't take the direct route, weaving in and around the tree's, leaping over the fallen logs with such agile grace I can only admire her lithe form as I follow in hot pursuit.

She is only scant inches from me as she burst through the tree line with no intention of stopping.

"Whoa!"

The cliff looms ahead of us and her momentum is too great, I see her arms pinwheeling in the air as I put on a burst of speed and grab her around the waist before she falls over the edge.

Her skin is slick with sweat, her body holding the heat of a small sun.

"That was close," my heart is still trying burst through my chest at her near disastrous tumble, "do you run with your eyes closed?"

I cannot keep the disapproval from my words.

A delicate shrug from her in response.

"I thought it was further away than this."

Nonchalant words that make me want to shake her. To tell her be more careful with her life.

She shrugs off my hold and peers over the edge, a soft exclamation from her lips.

From our vantage point, it feels like we are standing at the edge of the world.

The cliff is a sheer drop into a lush meadow redolent with blooming wildflowers.

Again in the distance I see another sprawling forest where the meadow gives way and the reflective light of water, a lake, peaks through the canopy of leaves.

"Well...do we try to find a path down?"

A slight hesitation in her voice as she continues to peer over the edge.

I estimate at least a thirty meter drop to the bottom.

A bit more daunting in height, it was perfect for her next lesson.

Better than that pathetic excuse for a hill from earlier.

"We already have one."

She turns to me even as I back up away from the edge. This was going to be...fun.

Fun. I never thought of training as such a thing.

Brutal, yes, painful, undeniable. But never fun, not until I met the woman with eyes like amber and a soul that burned brighter than the stars.

Those same eyes looked at me with dawning comprehension...and fear.

"Ren...no you can't be serious! That is at least a thirty meter drop!"

I am more than aware of the distance. Thus the appeal.

She was going to have to let go of her perceived limitations if she was to cross the boundary from Padawan to Jedi Knight.

"Just like flying Rey. Trust me."

I remember the delight in her eyes when she jumped from the tree, when I grabbed her on the hill.

The sheer exuberance of it all.

"Ren," fear coats my name on her lips and that is something she has to let go of.

She has to believe in the impossible and I'm going to prove it to her.

I race past her and without hesitation I dive off of the cliff.

For a moment I hand suspended in the air, no gravity, no weight.

Only myself and the wind and it is a powerful rush to my blood, just as gravity kicks in and I plummet.

"REN!"

Rey, screaming my name and I'm brought back to my senses. The ground rushes to meet me but I am no novice Padawan and I wrap the Force around me, sharpening all of my senses.

I twist my body, using the Force to cut through the wind's resistance and slow my fall so that I don't do anything stupid.

Like break my legs when I land.

My feet touch the ground, the Force absorbing the impact so that I rise quickly from my crouch, already staring up at Rey.

She is but a speck in the distance but I can clearly see her leaning over the cliff, staring down at me.

"Come down Rey," I call up to her, lifting my hand to her. "Trust yourself. Trust me!"

I couldn't push her anymore than this. She had to be the one to decide...and this would tell me how far she was willing to go to travel the path of a Jedi.

She had to face her fears...or be forever crippled by them.

Her form disappears from the cliff and I can only hold my breath in anticipation of what she chooses next.

My wait is a short one.

Her body jumps into the void, and I am reminded of a story that my mother told me from long ago.

About a phoenix finding her wings.

That is what I see in my Rey, a phoenix in flight.

I can hear her breathless laughter as she plummets towards me, her body turning in graceful arcs until she is headed feet first towards the ground.

She is close enough now that the laughter in her eyes is shading into panic.

I told her to jump but I never told her how to stop.

As if I would let her come to harm.

I guide the Force to her side, slowing her descent until she slows enough that she practically glides into my outstretched arms.

Her nails bite into my skin as I settle her by my side, letting her feet touch solid ground.

She is shaking in my arms, but there are no tears and the scent of fear is gone from her.

She looks up at me at that moment, eyes alight with dazed astonishment at what she just accomplished.

Laughter in my voice at the look on her face.

"Well done."

"Ren!" Laughter as she speaks to me, "You...you _knew _that was going to happen to me!"

Of course I did. It was akin to an adult bird pushing their young out of the nest to get them to spread their wings for the first time.

You fell or you flew, there was no middle ground.

"Of course. It's the only way to learn," she gives me an exasperated look, still shaking with laughter in my arms, "If I had told you what to expect beforehand, you would have overthought it and let fear take hold."

The laughter disappears as a thoughtful mien steals over her face and I am more than a little sad to hear that happy sound leave her.

She should always be like this, laughing and free from the weight of universe on her slim shoulders.

She shakes her head and lifts gleaming eyes up to meet mine.

"You're going to pay for that!"

She takes me by surprise with a particularly deft shove and a twist of her ankle across mine.

Something between a shout and a growl leaves me and I can feel myself falling and I take her down with me.

She wasn't expecting that and a strangled shriek from her is my reward as I tumble her into my arms.

The meadow sits at a sloped angle and our combined weight sends us tumbling, my arms locked around Rey.

The scent of crushed grass and citrus surrounds us as we finally come to a halt. I can feel pebbles digging into my back through the shirt, my head fairly reeling from the motion.

Rey is on top of me, I can feel the press of her legs against mine as she straddles me. Her hands lay onto of my chest, grass and flower petals clinging to her disheveled hair.

Laughter spills from her lips and I soak it in. She is impossibly beautiful and my fingers tighten around her hips.

I feel as though I have been captured by a spring goddess.

She looks down at me, mirth still dancing in her face as she taps her fingers on my chest.

"Ha! I win this one!"

Gloating words and she is nearly humming with satisfaction.

She is rather pleased with that little trick she pulled on me.

"Oh what makes you say that?"

"I'm on top."

That lilting voice, the curve of her smile and I am more aware than ever of just not only _how _she is sitting on me but _where. _

My fingers dig into her hips and I shift my weight just a couple of degree's beneath her.

Pressing her against me.

Eyes widening, a lush softening of her mouth as she realizes her position on me.

The desire to tumble her back into meadow, press my lips to her skin amid the flowers and grass crawls through me.

Pure, undulated _want _grips me by the throat and before I can act on the impulse, she is shoving at my chest, scrambling off of me.

I watch her put a few feet of distance between us. Watch her fists clench and release, hear the ragged breathing that leaves her.

She turns back to me, a storm in her eyes as she blows out a breath.

She offers me her hand, a deprecating smile on her lips.

"Come one...I think I saw a lake not far from here and I'm dying for a drink."

The thought of water does hold a distinctive appeal, but I would rather sip from her lips.

A flicker of hesitation in her gaze and I reminder myself, sharply, to calm down.

I grasp her wrist and use her momentum to pull myself to my feet.

A flutter of grass and crushed flowers rain down around us.

We must look a sight, the pair of us.

She is standing perfectly still next to me, barely reaching my shoulder.

There is strange light in her eyes and I wonder what thoughts chase themselves through her mind.

"I'll race you."

I blink, not what I was expecting her to say but she is already in motion, running for the woods.

Her challenge kicks up my heartbeat and I'm in motion.

She looks back, a startled laugh filling the air at my pursuit, just as she reaches the edges of the forest.

She weaves through forest with ease, but she does not look back. No longer running, almost gliding now.

Something has caught her attention, holding her in thrall.

I slip through the tree to find that she has halted before a hidden oasis.

The water shimmers below us, dappled sunlight playing on the surface.

There is a longing in her gaze as she watches the soft waves brush along the shoreline.

The slight incline to the water's edge is not a steep one. It is on my lips to offer her a hand down, no more lessons, but the words catch in my throat.

Rey is pulling off her top, the rustle of cloth loud in the silence around us.

She wears nothing beneath the shirt, only small band of cloth around her chest.

I have to take in a harsh breath, I've forgotten how to breath.

"Rey, what are you...doing?"

She tosses her clothing over a nearby tree limb. Her skin glows against the muted light, shades of fire and sable spilling down her back as she loosens her failing braid.

She looks back at me, vivid amber against dappled skin and I cannot speak.

She drops the belt from her waist holding her saber, the leggings riding low on her waist now.

"I'm going for a swim."

I can barely hear her words pass the roar of blood in my head, but they do penetrate when she turns from me and begins climbing the hill.

Rey is from a desert planet, what does she know about swimming?

She is standing at edge, peering into the water below.

The lake is not a large one, but the shading colors tells me that it has some depth to it.

A brief nod of her head, as though she had come to a decision and considering where she is standing, I have a good idea what she is planning.

"Rey I don't think..."

My words are lost as she dives from the cliff and I rush to the edge, my heart threatening to explode as she hits the water.

From here I can see her body moving in graceful arcs as she swims deeper below the water.

Where had she learned to swim like that? I recall my information on Jakku and there are no large bodies of water on that planet.

At all.

My thoughts derail as she breaks the surface, water streaming from her glistening body as she tosses her hair from her eyes.

She has the impunity to smile and wave at me from below.

I cross my arms over my chest, not at all pleased by her latest stunt.

My heart was still trying to free itself from my rib cage, it was beating so hard against the bones.

"This feels amazing! Come in!"

Cajoling words from her lips, her hands stroking the water with undisguised pleasure.

She looks like one of those mythical creatures my father would tell stories about to tease my mother with when he was gone on other worlds without her.

A mermaid, I recall. A being who lived in the water, luring the unwary to them with sweet words and beguiling eyes.

Only to drown them with their love.

I shake my head at the image and I hear the splash of water.

Rey is sending up a wave trying to splash me by the look on her face.

"Don't tell me the _great _Kylo Ren is afraid to get a little wet?"

Another splash in my direction, the cadence of her voice changing from cajoling to outright provocation.

The fire in my blood from earlier that had cooled to a simmer from our earlier tumble now stokes to new fury at her taunt.

"You'll regret those words."

She turn in slow circles, keeping herself directing below me and I see her roll her eyes at me.

"Oooh, I'm terrified."

Not in the slightest, all things considered.

Time to teach her the true meaning of provocation.

I strip the shirt from my skin, the slight breeze a small relief from the humidity that still clings to the air, sending it next to Rey's discarded clothing.

My saber follows suit.

My pants are ill-suited for the water, but I can make do.

I glance at her once and she ducks beneath the waves, a look of surprise on her face.

I dive from the cliff, certain that she has somehow hurt herself. The water closes over my head, the cool touch a relief to my overheated skin.

The water here is clear as glass and I open my eyes, looking for where Rey disappeared.

I can see her, the lower half of her legs treading water and I realize that the lake is not as deep as I imagined it to be.

So she didn't slip after all.

Her voice calls out to me, muted by the water. A sense of agitation to it.

I have yet to surface and a bit of mischief creeps into me.

It was time to pay her back for taking a few years off of my life when she dove into the water.

Her movement is becoming choppy, her voice holding a hint of panic and I swim below her.

I surface, the silken feel of cool skin against my hands as I pull her out of the water, a startled yell from her lips.

I have her half-way out of the water, her weight nothing to me as I stare up into vivid eyes.

Her hand rest against my shoulders, as though afraid I might drop her.

She has nothing to fear, I can tread water and still hold her with ease.

"I told you I would make you regret those words."

"Ren," sparkling laughter that is my name, "put me down!"

"Why should I?"

I have her right where I want her, in my arms. Her laughter wraps around my soul and there is no sweeter sound I have heard in my years crossing the galaxies.

Her hands move across my skin, leaving a trail of fire in her wake and she cups my face.

She leans down, her hair creating a shield so that we are cast in shadows.

"Because I told you to."

Honeyed words, a whisper of enticement before her mouth descends on mine.

She slips back into the water, her legs sliding against mine as she literally steals the will from me.

Her hands burying in my hair, her skin silken from the water and I open my mouth to her, giving her everything.

Our tongues tangle and all I taste is her.

A mermaid trying to drown me with her love.

She breaks away, gasping for air, trembling in my arms.

She is no longer dangling in the air, so she achieved what she wanted from me.

But I am not done with her just yet.

I reach for her and she turns, splashing water in my face.

The shock of cold against my burning skin has me pulling up my guard.

She laughs as I release her and once again I've been tricked by the water nymph.

"Ha! You want me, you have to catch me first!"

I have every intention of winning this challenge she throw at me.

I dive for her but she is quicksilver in the water and evades me with apparent ease.

I surface, using her trick and splash water at her unguarded side.

A laughing yell from her as the water sprays across her, throwing water back at me as we chase each other across the lake.

She is so close now I can scent the flowers on her skin but she twists before me and instead of Rey I get a face full of water.

I hear her snicker as water blinds me and I push my soaked hair away from me, a taunting smile on her face.

She thinks she's won but this battle is not decided just yet between us.

"Oh no...no you don't!"

She makes a warding sign with her hands just as I dive beneath the surface.

I noticed that she can dive, but not for long periods of time and she closes her eyes beneath the water.

I have no such hindrance and I can see her legs making graceful arcs, tying to out swim me.

I would have laughed if I wasn't holding my breath.

Her direction shifts and she is making for land, my mermaid trying to escape.

I let her get far enough ahead to make her think she's won...until I see the mud that denotes the embankment just ahead of me.

Far enough.

"Ren!"

Laughter as she shouts my name as I grab hold of her waist, swinging her out of the water...and placing her on grassy edge.

I take in a gulping breath, my lungs burning and I don't want her running off on me just yet.

Her legs dangle in the water and use my weight across her thighs to keep her with me.

"I believe I win this time."

I look up at her, daring her to refute my words.

Eyes like jewels look back at me, skin shimmering from the water as sunlight dapples behind her, illuminating her from behind.

Her fingers stroke my hair, pushing back damp strands as her merriment washes over me.

"Okay, fine, you win." She sound utterly content being caught by me and her fingers stroke me with soft indulgence, "How do you swim so well?"

I pillow my head on my arms, enjoying the feeling of her nails gliding through my hair.

Her question evokes a memory but it is not a bitter one but wistful.

A time when my parents were still in love, the schemes of the new republic not threatening to tear them apart.

_My mother dressed all in white...her hair a long veil down her back as my father looked on with soft possession, his broad back a startling tan to her paler skin._

_ "Come on kid," hefting me under his arm as I laugh and flail my arms and legs, "time to learn how to swim."_

"I learned when I was young," the soothing motion of her fingers is lulling and I close my eyes, "it's not something you tend to forget."

I move closer, the water barely reaching my waist as my feet touch ground and I bury my face in the delectable scent of her skin.

If she is going to be dressed like this around me, stroking me with such possession I am not to be held responsible for what I do next.

"Ren," a soft murmur, a hint of a question, "what are you..."

Her words cut off as I press my lips against her skin, silken and cool to my touch.

A hard gasp and her spin arches beneath my mouth, a lush invitation that I take up.

Her fingers tighten in my hair as I explore the flat plain of her stomach. That small, silent demand is all the encouragement I need.

I'm out of the water, my abrupt movement pulling her fingers from my hair as I catch pleasure drunk eyes beneath fringed lashes as she falls back on her arms.

My hand around the back of her neck, her mouth trembling beneath mine as I press our bodies together, the touch of her skin a drug in my veins.

Her arms come around me, enticing me, pulling against her.

She is all I need, everything that I desire and I no longer care if she is not truly here in my arms.

This moment, our tongues tangling, her legs locked around, it is real enough.

Her breath, a sigh into my mouth as she makes soft, needy noises that have my hands roaming her water-slick skin with fervent need.

The taste of her skin, like nectar, and I move away from her mouth down the slim column of her throat, nipping gently at the lush heat of her body.

Her nails score my back, the shock of pleasure mingled with pain have me biting down where shoulder and neck meet.

"Gods...Ben!"

She writhes beneath me, the press of her damp curves obliterates all reason why I should stop.

There is only she and I in this place, in this time.

Her mouth is mine, her body a temple that I will worship with ardent devotion.

Limbs entwine, the heat of her skin against mine, and I no longer know where I begin and she ends.

It is not enough, nowhere near enough to satisfy this craving in my blood.

My fingers find the cloth that separates our skin, I give a gentle tug and her lips begin to shape a word across mine.

I want that word to be 'yes' to show her exactly how much pleasure only I can give her.

"Rey! Where are you? Are you here!"

A familiar, irritating male voice filters through the air and Rey wrenches her mouth from mine, her breathing ragged.

"Rey! Can you hear us?"

Another male calling out to her and this one I know all to well.

Dameron. Calling out for _my _Rey.

I growl at their interference just as Rey makes a choked noise, twisting in my arms.

Her hair spills over her shoulder, leaving me with a perfect view of her arched spine.

Skin touched by golden light, the outline of small scars at the base of her spine.

I press my lips to those scars, vowing to find the cause of them...and if needs be, eliminate whatever caused her hurt.

Nails digging into grass, a soft moan stealing from her lips and I am not ready for this to end.

Her so called friends can go to hell.

"Ignore them," I murmur, trailing my lips across her skin that make her tremble and moan in that lovely tone, "they can't see me."

For once I am actually glad of the bond that separates us.

Her trembling ceases and there is a stillness to her that I do not like.

I want her writhing and calling my name in that pleasure drunk voice only I can evoke in her.

"I," her voice is shaking, "don't think that's entirely true."

Her words penetrate the haze of lust around my mind and I lift my mouth from her skin.

There is only one meaning I can take from those words.

Our Bond is connected by the Force.

Only another who is sensitive to the Force could possibly detect me. My mother, who is not here, is the only one I can think of right away who would be aware.

She turns to look at me, panic in her eyes now.

"You have to leave, now!"

"Rey what are you..."

Something about the voices calling out to her, Dameron and the renegade, has triggered her irrational panic and it gives me pause.

I stretch out my Force sense, the two men looking for Rey the only other living beings for miles around us.

"Not Dameron. He's deaf to everything around him," the time I had interrogated him told me what I needed to know about the man, "but Finn...the renegade..."

There were reports, classified reports, that spoke of children who had been harvested for the Stormtrooper program not being able to fully integrate into the programming.

For just a brief moment I can feel him in the Force, a single drop in a river, before disappearing.

My concentration split, Rey scrambles from beneath me, her movements jerky.

I am right behind her, both of us reaching out together to call our clothing back to us.

He is no Jedi, this _Finn, _but the fact that I can sense him at all is disturbing.

Rey makes a frustrated noise as her clothing twist around her still damp body and I fair only slightly better as I pull the shirt back on, the material heated from the sun.

She turns to me, a pleading look in her eyes that I am not interested in hearing.

"He's not a Jedi," our thoughts are running parallel again as she presses her hand to my heart, "but I think he might be Force sensitive. I can't take the risk he can see you."

She speaks of another man, pleading for him and my temper ignites.

"Are you afraid that he will see me," I ask softly as anger slips into my voice, "or see _us _together?"

I doubt she has told anyone about our...connection. My Rey is closed off in regards to her personal life and this bond between us is far more intimate than that of just physical attraction.

I find that I don't care. I need to know if she is...ashamed...of being seen with me.

Her eyes flash with outrage and she hits me, hard, across the chest. This was no playful tap from earlier.

She was truly angry with me.

"That's not what I mean! They don't see you the way I do," her voice softens as does her touch, "don't _know _you the way I do."

I am not at all mollified by her answer.

"Ask me if I care."

Cruel words but I am beyond listening to her defend her friends, again and again.

I am tired of being the one having to give way before them.

"I care!" Frustration etches grooves around her mouth as she lifts her hands to my face, "Please Ren...for me. You have to go."

_Now _she pleads for me...and though I am still furious with the interruption, I cannot abide the sorrow I hear in her.

I cover her hands still holding onto me as I capture her mouth, claiming her. I will be the fire in her blood, the reason she will always feel restless when I am not around.

I lift my mouth from her swollen lips and her friends sound clearer now.

Moving closer to where we are.

"I'll go...but _only _this one time, for you Rey."

She nods her head and I wonder if she truly understand that I am backing down _because _it is her.

Her fingers drop from me, the warmth of her skin leaving me colder and bitterness fills me at the forced separation between us.

I can sense her friends not far now and I turn, severing the bond that connects us.

No longer do I stand on the bank of a sun-drenched lake, the sound of lilting laughter sweetening the air, the eyes of woman staring back at me making feel alive.

"Lord Ren!"

"Master...you are not dressed to be out here."

Two of my Knights surround me, handing me a thick, fur lined cloak that I drape across my body against the freezing temperature that is the frozen waste called Hoth.

I don't recall leaving my ship but I must have at one point.

"I'm fine," I tell the men at my side, "The cold gives me clarity. Tell me what you have found."

I listen with only half a mind, but I cannot banish the effects of our last bond so quickly.

The feel of her skin on mine, her lilting voice an echo in my blood, the sweet surrender of her in my arms as I pressed her into the ground.

She is everywhere I go now and it is driving me to madness.

I do not know how much more torment she intends to put me through before finally realizing the truth.

We were meant to be together.

Forever.

It was only a matter of time before that dream became reality.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Update: **New update! Yes, yes it didn't take me two bloody weeks for the update! So this is moving into a new arc, so just like before this is going to be broken up into parts. So bear with me and no, I'm not giving away spoilers. You'll just have to follow along to see what's about to happen.

**Disclaimer: **I do not and nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **I have to give a huge THANK YOU to **Hartmanclann **and **Brendajreyes13. **You two are always the first to respond when I post a new chapter and I cannot tell you how honored I am to have such devoted readers. Again, to ALL my readers, I sincerely adore every review I receive.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_Meet me_

_where the end begins,_

_in echoes,_

_where your world is me,_

_and my world is you."_

-Perry.

Rey

"Give me your hand."

Eyes of velvet darkness staring at me with haunting possession, his voice thrumming with desire and he does nothing but stand there with his hand extended to me.

The crystals in my hair chime like glass as I stand trembling beneath his burning eyes as I slid my hand into his.

Our fingers entwined, I move into his arms, the heat of his palm pressed to the base of my spine only makes me tremble even more in his embrace.

I cannot look away from him, I feel his soul wrapping around mine and I am lost...

_Thirty-six hours ago..._

"Rey! You up there?"

Finn's voice, calling for me. I stand up from where I was crouched down on the hull of the Falcon. I detected a minor glitch in the relay sensor and I was trying to fix it before it became a major problem.

I wave at him from where I'm standing and he looks up at me.

"Come down!" His hands are cupped around his mouth, his word echoing through the air. "General needs to speak to you."

"Be right there!"

The relay will have to wait until I get back. Leia wouldn't call for me unless it was important.

I'm about to reach for the opening that will lead me back down into the Falcon, when I pause.

The lessons that Ren taught me two weeks ago are still fresh in my mind.

_The wind tangling my hair...the rush of being in free fall..._

"Rey what are you...no, wait!"

But I'm already jumping off of the Falcon, doing a quick flip so that I land on my feet.

The soles of my boots absorb the impact but it still makes my teeth rattle with bone-jarring force.

How the hell did Ren jump from that cliff without shattering his legs?

There had to be a trick to it, there always was with him. I was going to have to remember to ask him the next time I...

_His mouth on my skin, his fingers stroking me until I wanted to beg him to stop tormenting me...or just beg altogether..._

My mouth goes dry and the pulse of my blood races, leaving me lightheaded.

I tear my thoughts away from Ren with a fury.

Now was _not _the time for me to be remembering those particular memories.

Not with Finn standing five feet from me, a dazed look in his eyes.

"Finn? Finn!"

I snap my fingers in front of his face and he blinks at me.

"Man..." he shakes his head at me, "every time you do that, you give me a heart attack."

I laugh and shake my head. "I'm not going to stop. I'm trying to become a Jedi. So what does the General want with me?"

"General..."

He still has that glassy look in his eyes, staring at the Falcon and then back to me several times over.

"Finn! Focus!" but I'm too busy laughing at him to be of much help.

"You guys are making a lot of racket over here. What the hell is so damn funny?"

Poe walking up to us even as I try, without much success, to stifle my mirth at Finn's comical expression.

Poe leans over and smacks Finn across the back of the head, snapping him out of his daze that my jump caused.

"Hey, damn it that _hurt!_"

He rubs the back of said head and glares at the pilot. Poe slugs him across the arm for the look.

"Good, you're suppose to be bringing Rey to Leia, remember? Not staring off into space buddy."

"Leia...General...right, the message!"

Finn grabs my hand and practically drags me away from the Falcon.

"Come one, we gotta go!"

I look at our clasped hands and shake myself free of his grip.

I don't know why but...it feels wrong to have anyone hold my hand like that if it's not Ren.

Finn shoots me a hurt look and I roll my eyes at him.

"I'm not a child Finn, I can walk to Leia without you leading me."

"Oh right...yeah, sorry about that. But this is important."

Poe matches his stride to mine and the three of walk back to the temporary base we've made.

The far side of the moon that circles Dathomir has turned out be a good place to hide.

I wonder if Leia is calling for me to tell me we've found a more permanent home.

As if thinking about her conjurers her we turn the corner and she's waiting for us with an impatient air.

Finn and Poe give her guilty looks and I'm flat out confused. There has to be at least a half-dozen people standing around a holo-screen that I managed to salvage on our last run for supplies.

"Rey, I see Finn found you." A sharp glance from her has Finn ducking his head, "Finally."

"Sorry, mostly my fault," I tell her, deflecting her attention from Finn, "I was working on the Falcon and didn't hear him calling for me."

She does not look at all a bit mollified and the glint in her steely gaze reminds me sharply of Ren when I made him leave back at the lake.

I have to mentally shake my head at myself. He was constantly in my thoughts now, every where I went, everything that I did reminded me of him.

His ghost was haunting me and I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry that he had become so much a part of me.

"Is that young Rey I hear? About time."

I recognize that voice instantly and turn towards to holo-screen.

"Maz?"

Her fuzzy, blue image appears from the base of the projector and I blink at the sight of her.

She isn't wearing her goggles, the wrinkles around her eyes more pronounced because of it and she is dressed...in a robe.

"Been a long time. Seems the Resistance agrees with you."

"Umm, yeah, I guess it does."

I turn back to Leia who is sighing and shaking her head.

"I'm not the one wanting to speak with you. Talk to Maz."

I am more than just a little confused as I stare at the diminutive woman.

Who is sipping on some kind of drink with a flower on the rim.

I blink in surprise then remember that Maz is currently living on a world call Emphameria.

A so called 'paradise' planet on the edge of the Outer Rim.

"Okay Maz," I fold my arms over my chest, "what do you want?"

I still haven't quite forgiven her for sending me to Praksis and nearly getting Ben and myself killed in the process.

My less than pleased greeting doesn't seem to bother her at all.

"I want you to come to Emphameria."

My mouth drops open and her words are like a bomb going off around me.

"What? No way! No way in hell is she going!"

That was Finn.

"Umm, yeah Maz, now is not the best time for Rey to be off on vacation. We have something called a _war _going on right now."

That was Poe.

I look to Leia, who is staring at Maz with a peculiar expression.

She doesn't look mad...but almost resigned.

"What do you know Maz?"

Soft words from Leia and the ancient woman turns to our General.

"What I need to know Princess. You've heard why I'm calling. Let me speak to the girl alone now."

"No," a growl from Finn who is standing right next to me, "whatever you need to tell Rey you can say in front of all of us."

"Young man," Maz pins Finn with only the displeasure in her voice, "I like your spirit and your loyalty to your friend but this conversation does not concern you."

"Too bad. We don't hold back secrets from each other, do we Rey?"

He turns his earnest eyes to me and I have to force myself not to turn away even as memories come unbidden to my mind.

_Ren...the feel of his arms around me, his breath in my ear...the slight curve of his mouth as I slip the cold treat between his lips...soft laughter whispering through my dreams..._

"We have to trust our allies," I find myself telling him, "or we've already lost this war."

I place my hand on his arm, "Maz wouldn't ask to speak to me alone if it wasn't important."

I can tell he doesn't like my answer one little bit but he has got to learn that though he is my friend that doesn't give him the right to run my life.

_I _decide that, no one else.

Finn opens his mouth but Poe steps up and for once I am glad of his obnoxious way of speaking over people.

"Finn, buddy, Rey has a point. We may not like it," he shoots me a dry look, "but we have to accept it."

"Yeah, fine, whatever."

Finn shrugs off my hand and stalks away from the comm area and that seems to be the signal for everyone else to leave.

Except for Leia...and Poe.

Maz folds her thin arms over her body and takes a leisurely sip of her drink.

"I said _everyone_, not everyone except the Princess and her second-in-command."

"Come on Poe, let's leave them to it, though I don't like this one bit Maz."

"Too bad. Now get out of here before this signal gets hacked."

Leia practically pushes Poe away who shoots me a look I know all to well.

He expects me to divulge everything to him and Finn after my 'private' conversation is over with.

First I want to hear what Maz wants with me and then I'll decide what to tell the boys.

As soon as their footsteps fade, I turn back to Maz.

Our 'privacy' was almost laughable. The comm center sat in an open forest with a few tarps thrown over the branches of the tree's to keep out the moisture when it rained.

"Alright Maz, what's with all the secrecy?"

"How was your trip to Pralis Six?"

_Not _the answer I was expecting and the nonchalance of her question has me on guard.

I trust Maz...but I don't always like her.

"Well enough, I suppose." I give a lift of my shoulder, "I got the part I needed...no thanks to your 'informant'."

"Nothing in life worth having comes freely child." A sip of her drink and I count to ten, reminding myself that Maz is old, ancient beyond anything I can imagine.

That doesn't mean I have to like the games she play's.

"You didn't have to scatter everyone to ask about my trip to Pralis."

"Oh," she leans back and interlocks her fingers, "then you don't mind them hearing about your 'side trip' into the city...with Kylo Ren at your side?"

I nearly choke on the air I'm breathing at her words.

I can only stare at her, my mouth falling open.

"How the hell do you know about that?" I hiss at her, moving closer and keeping my voice to a whisper.

"You should know better than to ask."

Right, Maz had contacts all across the known galaxies.

I sigh and shove hair out of my eyes.

"Yes, okay, Ren was at my side," I fist my hands on my hips and lift my chin, "what of it?"

"How long has been since you last saw each other? A month? Two?"

Physically? Two months, thirteen days and counting.

I refuse to answer and wait for her to speak.

A glint her eyes, seemingly able to look right through me. "Would you like to see him again?"

I blink at her...of all the questions she could have asked me...

"Wh-," I clear my throat before I give myself away, "why would you ask me that?"

"Oh, perhaps I thought you might be missing _Ben Solo, _but if I am wrong then I'll pretend this conversation never happened and tell Leia I made a mistake."

She was taking the ground right out from beneath me and I felt I had stumbled into a dream that I have no control over.

"Ben? How do you..."

I snap my mouth shut as she leans close to me through the holo-screen, no longer playing.

"I was there when he was born, Rey of Jakku, so I know more about that boy than you could possibly imagine. So I want an answer from you and no more questions. Yes or no?"

"Yes."

I didn't even have to think about and perhaps I should have hesitated because Maz is sitting back, looking pleased about something.

"Then you will need to come to Emphameria."

"When?"

"Immediately."

"For how long?"

"I estimate no more than three days."

Three days? Why three days and what did she mean 'estimate'?

These questions, and a dozen more, were on the tip of my tongue but her sharp look told me she would tolerate no more questions from me.

Too bad, I don't take orders lightly from anyone.

"Just what makes you think B-...I mean Ren, will even be there?"

"Oh, he'll come. I'll have something he wants."

Honestly I was having a hard time keeping up with Maz, my head was spinning.

"You think he's going...Maz he's the _Supreme Leader _now, he's not going to just drop everything on your say so!"

"You think not?" She shakes her head at me, "and here I thought you were smarter than this."

Now I'm getting angry.

"Maz, I don't know what you think you're up to but you're taking this too far. I'm done, no more games."

I turn to walk away but her next words stop me as though she had me on a chain and just pulled it short.

"Do you want to save Ben Solo or not?"

A roar of white noise in my head and I turn with uncomprehending eyes back to Maz.

She looks at me, no longer a woman who drowns herself in luxury, but a being of ancient knowledge.

"What do you know?"

"Come to Emphameria, Rey, and finish what you began on Pralis Six."

The blue glow of her projected image begins to fade in and out and I run to the signal booster, trying to keep her stable.

"Maz! Maz can you hear me?"

"...look for you...southern docking port..."

Her signal was gone and I slam my fist down on the box but it's no use. Either she was hacked...or she's far enough out of range that the feed cut out naturally.

"Damn it Maz!"

Now I had no choice but to go.

Just what did she mean 'finish what I began'? I had no idea and it looks like the only place that question was going to get answered was on Emphameria.

Now all I had to do was convince Leia, and the boys, that I needed to go Emphameria.

Alone, just as Maz requested.

"This is not going to be pretty." I run my hand through my hair in agitation...only to remember I have lubricant on my fingers from messing with the sensory glitch.

Could my day get any worse!


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's Update: **Yes, update time! Also the chapters are going to be 'slightly' shorter as this arc is going to take me...well as long as it takes me! LOL, no spoilers. So without further ado...happy reading! Oh also, as a side note, I had a minor glitch in my pc and had to upload a couple of old chapters when they decided to delete while updating the new one. So please ignore the old updates!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! Reviews! **Such glorious praise! Sweet music to my parched soul! Ahh, you know how to inspire me...

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_It was you,_

_It was me,_

_it was the silence_

_underneath the stars_

_that understood_

_my heartbeat_

_and its racing._

_You told me nothing._

_I believed everything._

_In that moment_

_I found life._

_In that moment_

_I found you."_

-Perry

Kylo Ren

"Give me your hand."

Fractured amber catching the dying light rest upon me. She cannot know how impossibly beautiful she looks standing there as the sun tries in vain to caress her one last time.

I lift my hand to her, watching her every move.

I die in her silence, only to be reborn.

Crystals nestled in her hair chime a soft melody as she places trembling fingers to my own.

Thus entwined, she glides into my arms, silken fire and shattered starlight.

Her hand pressed to my heart, the touch of her soul to mine and I am undone...

_Twenty-six hours ago..._

_"_Supreme Leader...a moment of your time."

Hux, demanding my presence, again. I have ignored the man three times now and still he persists.

The first two requests came over the comm that I ignored, now he joins me at the prow of my ship.

I turn at his arrival, my displeasure at seeing him is mirrored in his flinty gaze.

"What do you want General? Surely anything you have to say can be relayed through the Allegiant General, who is _your _commanding officer."

"General Pryde is...unavailable. Officer Kandia has information _I _thought you might wish to hear firsthand."

Kandia is the lead officer in intelligence, her task to uncover the 'hidden' bases, as it were. The archives noted that at least a hundred worlds scattered across the known galaxy had at one time given refuge to the Rebels of the Old War.

"Bring her to me."

"Sir? But I already told you I have..."

I stop his torrent of words with a wave of my hand.

"What part of my order did you not understand?"

It would be easy to drop him where he stands but he is not worth my time or effort and I release him.

Color comes back in splotches to his face and he makes a cutting motion with his hand and a young, human woman marches smartly up to the prow.

A bow to both of us and she turns from Hux to speak to me directly.

"Supreme Leader, three more undisclosed bases have surfaced under our scouts. Planets Cantonica, Kessel and Savareen."

"Well done Officer, I am pleased with your progress." That made six bases discovered since Hoth.

Six more places that my mother and her Resistance could no longer hope to hide.

"Send word to the _Requiem _that we will rendezvous with them at Mandalore on schedule."

My words are for Hux who gives me a military precision nod and I go to dismiss him when I am stopped by the movement of Officer Kandia.

She has her fingers touching the earpiece, a slight frown on her face.

"Sir...technicians have intercepted a pirated signal from the Outer Rim..."

"Location?"

"Awaiting confirmation..."

I grow impatient with the delay but she is speaking before I can ask again.

"Tracked to the planet...Emphameria."

"Where is the signal headed?"

Hux, his nasal voice grating as he interrupts. It seemed he needs another lesson in manners.

The intelligence Officer gives him a confused look.

"It's being redirected...here."

"Here? What do you mean? Speak up Officer Kandia!"

"I mean, _Sir_, the signal is being relayed so that the _Steadfast _can intercept it."

Anger in her voice at the reprimand from Hux and she turns from him to look at me.

A bold move for an officer and one that I am inclined to admire.

"Do we intercept, Supreme Leader?"

"How _dare _you turn..."

"You are dismissed General. Go back to your station."

"Supreme Leader, _Sir, _I simply cannot let slide..."

His voice dies as I pin him with a single look that holds the heat of my growing temper.

"Officer, intercept the pirate signal and relay it to my private quarters. We will see who, or what, is trying to get our attention."

"Sir!" she speaks into her earpiece and I ignore her for the most part as I step towards Hux to deal with him yet again.

"That is twice now you've chosen to disobey my command."

"If not for my disobedience_, _you would not have the information regarding the hidden bases."

A lift of his chin, as though I am child to be chastised, and what little tolerance I have for him vanishes.

"Officer Kandia, you are to report directly to me regarding your current task. General Hux is no longer your superior."

"Understood Sir."

A hiss of breath from Hux at my new order, Intelligence was his to oversee, and I turn my full attention to him.

"General, it seems you require more training to better understand your place in the First Order."

The tinge of fear in his eyes now, he has _finally _realized he has overstepped what meager authority I have granted him.

"Training...Sir? What _training _could I possibly need?"

"Vicrul, come to me. I am in need of your assistance."

Sweat drips from Hux, the whites of his eyes showing clearly as I call for one of my Knights.

I am well aware that he hates my Knights and all they represent but his fear of them is greater.

"Master, I am here."

Vicrul drops to a knee before me and I motion for him to stand.

"Vicrul, I leave you to oversee Hux's training. Our _esteemed _General has forgotten what happens when orders are disobeyed. I trust you will reeducate him."

"With pleasure Master."

"Supreme Leader I-"

"Go with Vicrul. Should you take his _lessons _to heart, perhaps your position on the _Steadfast _will remain on your return."

Vicrul touches his hand to Hux's shoulder and the defiance so often found in him is snuffed out, like a candle flame guttered.

He leaves without another word, Vicrul's grip not a gentle one.

There is nothing gentle about Vicrul and I dismiss the matter from my mind.

"Admiral Griss, I leave you in charge. Officer is that signal redirected to my quarters?"

"Yes Sir, ready and standing by..."

"Good, go back to your duties. Admiral contact me when we rendezvous with the _Requiem_."

"Understood Sir."

My walk is a short one and the signal flashes over the holo-feed in stasis as I enter my chambers.

I press the sequence to open the intercepted channel...and find myself facing a familiar visage.

"Kanata."

"I was wondering if you were ever going to pick up this signal young Solo."

She plays the eccentric old woman when it suits her mood but that is not who she truly is and I am more than wary as to why she has shown up.

"A deliberate bait to the First Order, Kanata? I thought you wiser that this."

She pins me with a shrewd look as she settles herself wherever it is she is at on Emphameria.

"Not even a polite greeting for an old friend, Solo? You were taught better than that."

I grit my teeth at her disappointed tone.

"My name, as you well know, is Kylo Ren. Ben Solo is _dead._"

"Manners are manner, no matter what name you go by now."

I have to let go of my anger, though with great difficulty. It is hard to impress someone who changed your diapers when you were a baby.

Maz does not play foolish games such as this and I have to find out why she is contacting me.

It is the only explanation why she let the First Order catch onto her signal.

"What is it you want...Lady Kanata."

"Better," a sip of her drink, "but then you were always a fast learner."

"I tire of your games, old woman, speak quickly or be done with it."

"Young people these days, always in a hurry. Never taking time to enjoy the pleasures life has to offer."

I steeple my fingers and counsel myself to patience. There is no point in rushing Maz, I learned that lesson long ago.

An enigmatic smile emerges from her in my silence and I do not like it. Maz is old, older than the fabled Master Yoda who perished during Skywalker's training.

She has a sensitivity to the Force that is unmatched, even by me.

"I want you to come to Emphameria. Alone."

I can only stare at her audacity.

"Old woman you forget yourself," I tell her softly, "I am _not _the boy you remember. I am the Supreme Leader and I take orders from no one."

"I have information that will interest you. I also have something else that you want. But only for a short time."

Her cryptic words ignite my smoldering temper to a lethal edge but I do not turn off the feed.

Despite my growing ire, her words have piqued my curiosity.

"What information could you possibly hope to have that would bring me to you?"

A soft sigh from her, the weight of her years present in ancient eyes.

"Do you think you are the first Dyad to cross my path, Knight of Ren?"

Her words snuff out my anger, my mind blanking.

Dyad.

The word resonates deep within me...but I don't know why.

"What is this...Dyad...you're speak of? What concern is it to me?"

"Come to Emphameria and I will tell you."

A soft growl from me but she is unimpressed by my show of anger.

"Old woman I do not..."

"Maz? Are you here?"

A lilting voice cuts over the feed and the breath halts in my lungs.

Maz gives me a satisfied smile.

"It appears my guest has arrived and I must go and greet her."

"Maz," a strangled noise from my throat and I am on my feet, "what is Rey doing on Emphameria?"

"Come find out, young Solo, and come alone. I don't want to see Destroyers blocking my sun."

"Maz you _will..."_

_ "_Time's up. You had best make your choice quickly, before you lose her."

"Maz...are you talking to someone? I thought-"

The pirate feed cuts out and I am left staring at a blank wall.

I slam my fist against the comm.

"Kandia, get that signal back _now._"

"We're trying Sir...but the code is rewriting itself every couple of seconds and we can't establish a lock..."

Damn Maz and her schemes!

That old woman has no intention of telling me anything unless I do as she instructed.

I patch into the comm, connecting me with the Destroyer _Dream Snatcher _and to General Parnadee's private channel.

"Supreme Leader?"

"General get me all the information you have on Emphameria and I want it within the next hour."

Maz might believe that she can manipulate me into following her plans but I will show her I am not the boy from so long ago to blindly follow where she leads.

I will go to Emphameria...but not before I know every secret that planet hides.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Update**: Update time! Yes, I know I'm moving this arc at a slower pace but I promise the wait will be worth it!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Like it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I have never_

_In my life_

_Felt so calm_

_And yet on fire_

_All at the same time_

_Knowing deep in my bones_

_He is who I've waited for_

_All my life."_

-Vera Valentine

Rey

_Twenty-six hours ago..._

"Making our approach to Emphameria...now."

The Falcon drops out of lightspeed with a smoothness that I know isn't going to last long.

Not with Poe flying her. I just hope Chewie can reign him in while I'm gone and not give me reason to throw the next converter at his head.

"You know Rey, you can still say no. We can turn her around and go back home."

Finn has been on this litany every since Leia made the decision to let me go see Maz but only on the condition that Finn and Poe be the ones to drop me off and pick me back up.

"I'm not Finn. Besides we're...already here..."

The planet...she was beautiful, a glowing jewel in space. All soft peach and pale crimson with a splash of vivid indigo swirling in the atmosphere.

"Wow..."

Finn's voice and I was in agreement. I didn't know that there were places like this in the galaxy.

We entered through the cloud cover and I saw...paradise.

Mountains like spires reaching for the heavens as water ran like crystal, the spray creating rainbows into the air like a mirage.

There...in the distance, tree's unlike anything I could imagine, their boughs laden with trailing flowers of amethyst that seemed to sway in the wind.

Another tree, almost as though someone had cut it from pure crystal, stood with silver leaves catching the light.

"Rey...what port are we docking at...Rey?"

I barely heard Poe, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the startling beauty of this world.

If I were to dream of a perfect world...this would be it.

"Rey!"

I snap out of my reverie and turn to Poe, who is frowning at me and I belatedly recall his question.

I rack my brain for an answer, remembering the broken feed and Maz's words.

"Southern docking port. That's where she said to expect me."

"Finally."

We bank a hard left and the straps from the chair cut into me brutally and I give Poe a withering look for it.

He didn't have to bank _that _hard. It's not like we were being...chased...

Birds in flight, out the port window and I forget about my anger at Poe.

Graceful animals, bodies of ruby red and long wings of crimson and gold that seem to trail sparks in the air.

I have to remember to breath. They follow, as if keeping us company until we reach our destination.

I was not prepared for what awaited me.

Glass orbs floating in the sky, blue flames that lit our way with gentle light to the landing pad.

That was attached to a...palace.

There was no other word to describe the place.

It seemed to be made of...sunlight.

Glowing crystal that reflected the light of the sky, the colors muted and shifting, as if I were caught in a dream.

I noted that there was a single individual on the platform.

Poe set us down and turned off the engine.

"Alright, well this is it."

I unstrap myself and before I can leave, Poe grabs my wrist.

"You keep your communicator with you at all times. You find yourself in trouble, you call."

I nod my head but I am impatient to be gone. Now that I am here...butterflies in my blood, the pulse of my body a drumbeat in my head.

"I mean it Rey."

I look at Poe and some of my excitement dims at the seriousness of his tone.

"I will Poe. I'll call if I feel the least bit of danger. No heroics from me."

Poe shakes his head and lets me go and I flex my fingers.

His grip wasn't bruising...but it did cut off my blood flow for a few seconds and now they were all tingly.

I heft my bag onto my shoulder and Finn is a shadow at my side, just as Poe releases the lock to the ramp.

"Rey..." I know that tone and I hold up a hand.

"No Finn, I don't want to hear it. I've been listening to you the entire time and I'm telling _you _I'm not turning back, I haven't changed my mind. I'm going to stay my three days and you and Poe are going on to Ajan Kloss to make sure that the First Order hasn't found our new base. You have your mission...and I have mine."

"Just...be careful. I don't want to lose you."

I put my hand on his shoulder and he covers it with his hand.

"You're not going to lose me," I tell him with a smile, "I'm just going to be here for three days...I mean, _look _at this place."

The ramp opens up and I can smell the air.

It smells of oranges and spring, the tang of water and the green of life.

"Just remember not everything pretty is good."

I nod my head and pull my hand from his and walk down the ramp.

I lift my hand to Finn and turn away but not before I see him give me one last, troubled look before the ramp blocks him from view.

I was finally here.

"Mistress Jedi, welcome."

I turn, my hand on the saber at my side and I blink at the...being before me.

Her voice was the sound of bells in the wind, the sweet call of birds in the morning.

Hair the color of snow, the silver of moonlight, fell to her ankles and swayed behind her, as if dancing on the breeze but the air was calm.

Her skin was tawny, reminding me of sand after water fell on it but it was her eyes that held me.

They had neither iris nor pupil. Only a soft, muted gray like the edge of a storm passing over.

I wondered, as she gazed at me without blinking, if she could see at all.

Her clothing...I gazed at the shimmering cloth, the way it rippled like water when she moved and felt something like longing well up in me.

I had never seen anything so beautiful and I suddenly felt grubby in comparison.

My hair was matted in places where the lubricant had hardened and the slight tear on my sleeve where I caught it fixing a malfunctioning port cable only made me feel more out of place.

"I'm...not a Jedi. Rey."

I automatically held out my hand to her but she did not even look at it. Instead she put slender fingers together and gave me a low bow.

I swore I heard laughter in the wind around me.

"We are the _Nymeira._"

"We?"

I only saw her.

The laughter that I thought I had imagined became clearer and three more of them appeared before me, as if by...magic.

Each a mirror image of the first who spoke to me.

"Welcome, Mistress Jedi, to Emphameria."

A chorus of voices, all with the same bell-like tone.

"Just Rey. Not a Jedi."

I wondered how many times I was going to have to repeat myself.

"Come," the graceful wave of her hand as she pointed in the direction of the...palace, "we will be your guide. Lady Maz requests your presence."

"When?"

"Now."

I looked at them, with their flowing hair and shimmering gown and at my grubby work clothes and matted hair and could only sigh.

I knew I should have taken that shower before coming here. Oh well, too late now. Maz insisted that I be here without delay so she was just going to have to deal with me the way I was.

The Nymeira led me through the building that seemed to made up of nothing but shining metal and glass but I had little time to look over the place as they took to me where Maz was waiting.

"Down the corridor and to your left. Lady Maz is there."

"You're not coming with me?"

The Nymeira shook her head and gave me a serene smile motioning for me to go on without her.

I hear the sound of voices in the distance and move towards it.

One particular voice has me quickening my pace. I would know his voice anywhere.

The caress of midnight, that soft hint of danger.

Kylo Ren.

Was he here already? I stop short and look down at myself. This is _not _how I wanted him to see me.

Not with lubricant congealed in my hair and in torn clothing.

But something sounds off with his voice, as though he were coming from far away.

"Maz are you back here?"

I hear muffled voices more clearly now and I'm moving faster now.

There, the left fork and I turn to see an open doorway.

"...lose her."

Maz's voice and I see a holo-feed go dark as soon as I poke my head in the doorway.

"Maz...are you talking to someone?" The chair swivels and there is Maz, but not as I saw here a few hours ago. She is no longer dressed in a robe, but a loose tunic with short sleeves that falls to her feet.

Which are bare and wrinkled.

"I thought I heard...another voice."

But there was no one else here except Maz.

"Was that...Ren...I heard you talking to?"

Maz leaves the chair, a slight smile on her face.

"Oh, what makes you think I would be talking to Kylo Ren?"

I sigh and drop my bag on the ground and fold my arms.

"I know his voice Maz. Just tell me why you were talking with him, please."

"Sorry, that's private. Glad to see you here."

She moves past me and gives me a gimlet eye as she pauses in the doorway.

"You going to stand there all day or are you going to follow?"

She disappears out the door before I can even answer and I quickly scoop up my bag and hurry after her. For such a short woman, she sure can move fast.

She is halfway down the hall before I catch up.

"Well I'm here."

"Yes, I can see this."

Silence follows and no more words from her.

She is so...irritating. How the hell does Leia deal with her without wanting to scream all the time?

A soft chuckle as if she can hear my thoughts and I bite my lip.

"Maz...tell me...is Ren really coming here?"

"Is it that important to you that he shows up?"

Its on the tip of my tongue to say 'no it's not. I just pissed off my friends and flew halfway across the Outer Rim to be here on a lark,' but I don't.

Her question has a serious ring to it.

"Yes,"I tell her honestly, "it is."

She stops and looks at me, a far too knowing smile on her ancient face.

"Good, because he's on his way and you are by no means ready to see him." She gives my clothes a hard look. "You'll need something more suitable."

"What's wrong with my clothing?" I know I sound defensive but I was _working _when she suddenly asked me to drop everything and come out to this place.

I mean, it's not like I have anything better to wear anyway.

"What do you want him to see? A scavenger? A Resistance fighter? A _Jedi_? Is that why you came all this way."

A soft snort as she continues walking along the path and I follow behind her, a frown on my face.

"But I am all those things, so what does that have to do with what I'm wearing?"

She stops short with a sigh and looks once more back up at me.

"Yes, you are all those things...but are you not also a woman?"

"I...yes, I suppose I am. But I still don't see the point..."

She jabs a finger at me, cutting off my words.

"_That _is my point. How you present yourself. What do you want him to see first...his enemy...or the woman."

She turns and leaves again and I can only stare after, shock holding me immobile.

Her question...I never thought about it. I mean all of our Bond moments...we simply just showed up how we were. But I remember Pralis, when Ren showed up in _those _clothing, looking nothing like Kylo Ren.

I had called him Ben, because he didn't look like Ren...didn't _act _like Ren and I wondered if there wasn't a grain of truth to her words.

I didn't want Ren to see me as his enemy...I wanted him to see _me. _I wanted him to look at me the same way when we walked hand-in-hand in the open market.

I wanted to see the dark fire in his eyes when we were on the bank of the lake.

I wanted..._him. _

She's waiting for me at the end of the hallway, hands on her hips with one of the Nymeira at her side.

"Well? What have you decided?"

I sigh and straighten the twisted strap on my shoulder.

"I want...to show him I'm a woman." I take a deep breath and let it out, "but I have no idea how to do that."

"Lucky for you, I do. Nymeira, lead on, we'll follow behind you."

"As you desire, Lady Maz, Mistress Jedi."

I sigh and Maz gives me an all-too-knowing look at the title they keep calling me.

"I keep asking them to call me Rey," I tell her in a soft voice, not wanting to hurt the Nymeira, "but they keep insisting on calling me a Jedi."

"Because that is what you are...or will be with enough training."

"But _how _do they know? Did you tell them about me?"

A shake of her head and laughter from Maz.

The woman leading us doesn't even turn around, seemingly oblivious to our conversation.

"I told them only to expect two people. The Nymeira are caretakers of the world and are extremely Force-sensitive. They can sense the living Force inside of you Rey. _That _is how they know you to be a Jedi."

"But they are not Jedi themselves?"

"No, Mistress Jedi, we are not. We have arrived."

Another set of crystal doors open and I walk through a wall of steam...to what appears to be an indoor pool.

Mosaics of swirling petals of rose quartz and gold outline the circular pool and I see spirals of steam, a hazy blue, lifting from the water.

The air smells of flowers and other soothing aromas.

"Where...am I?"

"Bathing pool. Rey is my guest and is in need of pampering. She is meeting another important guest later today and wants to look her best. See that she does."

Maz gives orders as though she owns the place and the Nymeira bow before her.

"Wait! Wait! Bathing? Pampering? Maz what is going on?"

"You said you wanted to look like a woman? Well here's your chance. Emphameria is a world built on pleasure, both mental and physical, as you are about to find out."

I could only gape, like a fish out of water, as the doors close shut behind her and the Nymeira descend on me.

What have I let myself be talked into?


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's Update: **Yes, I'm doing back to back updates. Lol, don't get used to it. Happy reading!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Love it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_What is it_

_you see_

_when you_

_stop,_

_find my eyes,and stare_

_directly through_

_all_

_I have ever_

_been?"_

_-_Tyler Knott Gregson

Kylo Ren

_Twenty-three hours ago..._

Emphameria. The 'jewel' of the Outer Rim. It was once a mystical retreat nearly two hundred years ago when the Jedi Master Kitaani of D'Quar stumbled upon the world and founded the first 'living' city.

A city that was incorporated into the natural world, native beings known as _Nymeira _and their counterparts the _Phisyri, _helped maintain that natural order.

As I glimpsed the planet in deep space, I understood why it was given the title. A glowing radiance untainted by the technological age.

The days here were long, a full thirty-six hours for standard rotation, meaning that I would arrive just past the midday mark.

I tapped into my comm and hailed the planet as I broke through the cloud cover.

Astirit birds ghosted past me and their colors, crimson and gold, were a reminder of how the phoenix legends began to appear in different worlds.

Kanata's voice over my comm.

"So you showed up, I was beginning to wonder. Southern docking port."

A transmit signal appeared and I followed the beacon of lights that directed my path.

This world...it reminded me a little of Naboo, but there was something...purer about this place.

A sense of agelessness that defied time itself.

My ship glided past the mountain spires and laden groves until I found myself landing in the original city built by the Master Jedi.

I should not be surprised that Maz called me here to this place.

The black shadow of my craft seemed oddly out of place among the exuberant beauty of this world.

A stain on the land as it were. I quickly jumped out of the cockpit to where one of the natives waited for me.

The ground lit up as I landed on it.

"Master Jedi, welcome."

I frown at the tall, willowy figure approaching me. Her appearance, the white hair and opaque eyes, were a match to the description given to me about one of the natives here.

A Nymeira.

"I am Kylo Ren and I am _not _a Jedi."

Fingers together and a soft bow as others appear next to her. Not quite a hive mind, but they appear and sound the same.

"Lady Maz awaits you."

"I am not here to see Kanata. Take me to Rey."

"I am sorry Master Jedi, I cannot. Lady Maz requests that you be brought to her upon arrival."

I leash my temper, albeit with difficulty. Maz is playing her games again. I will deal with her and then go and find Rey.

"Show me to her."

My boots are a harsh ring on the metal and stone that continue to light beneath me. I sense currents of the Force all around me, as if this place was a nexus of energy.

I ignore the brush against my senses and follow these strange beings towards the sprawling structure.

Crystal and polished metal, a luxurious greenhouse for the living.

We pass through corridors and I keep my senses sharp. I am listening for the sound of one, lilting voice.

Should I find her before Maz, I will not hesitate to go to her. But I meet no one and the Nymeira glide on silent feet, their presence almost insubstantial.

I read that this city had been changed into a resort, a luxury for the wealthy, but there is no one here.

As though the city had been cleared and again I wonder what schemes Maz is working on now.

"Please wait, Master Jedi, as I will let Lady Maz know of your arrival."

"I am _not,_" but my words are useless as she disappears from sight.

The Nymeira have the ability to disappear and reappear with the wind, their primal element.

I have to keep that in mind when I am here.

The place she has left me is...interesting. Green vines wrap themselves around the stone pillars holding the glass roof, azure and vermilion flowers draping like veils to the ground.

The air here smells of spices, not altogether unpleasant.

An archway with runes that glimmer in the light catch my attention. My gloved hand touches the runes...they look like ancient Jedi script...and the panel slides away revealing a hidden room.

This _scent..._elusive and sensual, but stronger somehow and I cross the threshold.

I have only ever smelled this particular scent on Rey and I expect to see her...but she is nowhere to be found.

Only flowers the color of deep midnight, so dark a blue as to be black with a multitude of petals that open to reveal the center a vivid purple.

I know what I scented and I cross to one of the flowers and inhale the fragrance...

It has the same notes as Rey, but not entirely.

This is the flower that she wears on her skin, in her hair.

"Master Jedi? Lady Maz is waiting for you now."

I turn at the sound of the Nymeira.

"What is this flower?"

She glides into the room, her fingers touching a single petal and a serene smile on her face.

"This is the 'Night Empress', Master Jedi."

"Is this a native flower of Emphameria?"

A soft shake of her head and the hint of spring coats the air.

"No...this flower was created. Two flowers made one."

"Created? By who and from where?"

"Created long ago, by another Master Jedi, the original flower a native of Naboo. The other of Emphameria."

Naboo...this cannot be possible...

"Tell me the name of the Jedi." I sense hesitation and my anger slips the lease, "Tell me!"

"Master Skywalker...Anakin, a gift he said for the Senator of Naboo. Long, long ago."

I look at the flower they call the 'Night Empress'. A flower my grandfather made for the woman he had loved his entire life, Padme Amidala Skywalker.

The same flower that my Rey wore against her skin.

My fingers fall away and I wonder how much of my life was actually under my control.

"Take me to Maz, we have much to discuss."

I walk out of the room, the panel shutting behind me, seamlessly blending back into the wall.

Except for the runes, which now I am certain are ancient Jedi, there is nothing to distinguish that particular arch from all the others.

She led me through twisting corridors, more glass and metal and trailing vines, until it opened up onto a circular balcony that overlooked the sweeping landscape.

"Thank you Nymeira, for showing my guest the way."

Maz was reclining on a chair, a drink of magenta with a blooming yellow flower at the rim.

"I shall take my leave. Master Jedi."

I growl softly at the Nymeira for the title she continues to use but a serene smile is my only answer as she glides back into the resort.

"Will do you no good to get mad at them. I have never seen a Nymeira be anything but tranquil."

I move across from Maz, leaning up against the balcony so that I am her direct line of sight.

I cross my arms over my chest and wait.

She continues to sip at her drink, giving me an appraisal with her eyes.

"Hmm, well you're taller than last I saw you."

"I was nine the last time you saw me, old woman, and I was taller than you back then."

"So you were. Can't say I like the black. What is it with Skywalker men and _black._"

I hold my silence, but barely. I know that tone and I know when I'm being baited.

"Sit down, young Solo. I'm tired of craning my neck to see you."

"Even now you think to give me orders?"

Maz closes her eyes, a slight smile on her face, forever looking as though she holds secrets no one else knows.

"An order, a request. Does it matter? Sit."

She points to a chair next to her and I grit my teeth and stalk over and sit on the edge, my cape draping behind me.

"Where is Rey?"

"Not here. Do not give _me _that look, I am not impressed by it."

"I _heard _her voice, Maz, do not play your games with me."

"Young people, always in a rush! Yes, Rey is here on Emphameria, in this very building."

I am on my feet and Maz reaches out and grabs my wrist in a bruising grip.

"I said, sit down. We have much to discuss before you see Rey."

Her diminutive size disguises the fact that she is a strong woman.

I can break her grip...but that will not get me the answers I seek and I have a feeling that if Maz wants to hide Rey from me, she can.

Of course I could tear this world apart to find her, but that is not something I wish to do.

Yet.

Slowly I sit back down and Maz releases her grip and takes up her drink again.

"Better. When I said Rey wasn't here, I meant close by. She is getting ready."

"For what?"

Maz looks over the rim of her glass at me, stern disapproval emanating from her.

I feel as though I have somehow failed a lesson she was trying to teach and that feeling does not sit well with me.

Why is it of all the people in this galaxy only she, and my mother, can make feel like a youngling again.

"Why are you here, Kylo Ren?"

"For Rey."

I didn't have to think about it, I was here because of her.

The disapproval slowly leaves as she leans back, fingers interlocked now.

"That is a good place to start. Why are you here for Rey? What is she to you?"

"That is between Rey and myself."

"Do you wish to make her your apprentice?" Maz is persistent, "Or are you simply chasing down an enemy that is a rival to your power?"

"She is not my enemy." Perhaps long ago that had been true but now there is so much more between us, I will never look at her that way again.

Never.

A sigh from Maz and she looks...weary.

"Do you know what a 'Dyad in the Force' is?"

That word again...a resonance in my soul, as though it is an answer to a riddle I've never heard and I shake my head.

"No...and that's the second time you've mentioned this 'Dyad' to me. Why?"

"A Dyad is a term used for two Force-sensitive users who are in complete balance with each other. A Light to meet the Dark."

Maz has dropped the act of 'eccentric old woman' and there is only ancient knowledge in her eyes that I cannot look away from.

"Two half's of a split soul, forever searching to be whole. Neither time nor distance can separate them and they will only grow stronger together. A Dyad in the Force."

White noise in my head as her words shake the foundations of my world.

What she described...the Bond between Rey and myself...that feeling of being _whole _only when we are together.

I stumble away from the chair and brace my hands on the balcony, the sweeping vista just a blur before my eyes.

"Why...why are you telling me this?"

A soft sigh, the rustle of clothing and I feel Maz standing next to me.

"Because it is knowledge you need to understand if you are to truly understand _who _you are."

"Have you told anyone else about this...Dyad."

"No."

"Why not."

"Because, young Solo, I leave that up to you. I have said all that I need to."

I look down at Maz and she shakes her head and walks back to her chair, sipping at her drink.

"You know...this tastes awful when it's warm. I think I need another now."

"Maz...where is Rey?"

"I told you, getting ready."

The eccentric old woman is back and I growl softly at her deflecting tone.

"Ready for what?"

She looks at me and I swear she is laughing at me.

"For you." A sniff as she looks me over, "though I'm starting to wonder if you're worth the effort."

"Maz..."

She gets up, leaving the drink behind.

"You have already shown her that you are your father's son...when will you show her that you are also your mother's son?"

"Which is?"

"The last line of a royal lineage. What will you show her when you are with her? Her enemy...or the man behind the mask?"


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's Update: **Wow, three updates in a week! Must be a new record for me. Again, I know, short chapters. However that does mean I update faster this way. Soooo...I'll let you decide. Longer chapters=more reading, less updates. Or shorter chapters=less ready, quicker updates. Take your pick. Until then, happy reading!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Too slow? Just right? Cliffhangers from hell?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I am in love with him_

_his dark side_

_his changing tides_

_his bedroom eyes_

_the way he looks at me_

_he is everything I see_

_and I am in love_

_with him."_

_-_N.R. Hart

Rey

_Twenty-two hours ago..._

I stare into the glass and I don't recognize the person reflected back at me.

It's me.

But it's not me. At least, not the me that I am used to seeing.

I was bathed, oiled and polished until I felt as though the Nymeira had scrubbed away all of the accumulated dirt and filth from my twenty years of life.

I reached to touch the glass, cool against my fingertips and image reflected the movement.

"Is this...me?"

"Yes, Mistress Jedi."

I never thought a bath and a change of clothing could make me look like...this.

"He has arrived."

Another Nymeira and I turn at the word 'he'.

"Who's here?"

"The Master Jedi."

As far as I knew I was the only 'Jedi' in this city. So they could only mean one other person.

My hand creeps up to my throat. "Ren is here, now?"

Why hadn't I felt him arrive? Shouldn't I have?

But I remember Pralis Six and I never knew Ren was there until he walked into that disreputable bar.

I turn back to the mirror, to the woman who shares my face, and I suddenly I don't know if I can do this.

"Mistress Jedi?"

"I...this isn't me. I shouldn't have come here."

This...woman in the mirror, she wasn't me. I was just some scavenger from Jakku.

No amount of clothing or makeup could change that.

Soft hands on my shoulder turning me away from the mirror.

Muted eyes of gray look into mine, the same serene smile that never waivers.

"This is you, another you. One buried, now set free."

She leads me away from the mirror and out the doors to the balcony where the sun still hangs in the sky, barely moved in the three hours I've been here.

"What do you see?"

I look into the distance and see the mountains, the glow of the sun as it reflects the light off of the falls. I see the land, green and growing, tree's laden with flowers.

"I see the land."

"Beautiful yes?"

"Yes."

"But not always." I turn to the Nymeira, her fingers pressed together as she smiles. "In winter, tree's are barren, the falls cease to flow."

"But there is the snow and ice and it might be different but it's still..."

"Beautiful, but different. Yes."

I laugh at her subtle manipulation and my unease at the sudden change of my appearance seems ridiculous.

I was still me, still Rey.

Just a different version of me, one I have never had a chance to know before.

I guess it was time to see if Ren liked this version of me too.

"Where can I find him?"

"Who, Mistress Jedi?"

"Ren. Kylo Ren...the one you call Master Jedi."

"Follow the lights. Only a Jedi can respond to them."

The lights...what did she mean...and I look down at the floor, the lights that gleam everywhere I step.

Of course, for some reason they only react to me...and now to Ren.

"Thank you!"

I take off forgetting that I am in slippers instead of boots and nearly slide across the smooth stone.

I place a hand on the wall and tell myself to slow down.

I want to arrive in one piece, not banged up like I normally am.

Taking my hand off the wall, I take a deep breath and move at a slower pace, the fabric at once clinging and rippling around me.

She said to follow the lights and I do, noting that they make an odd pattern. As though he had been pacing at one point.

I follow the path out to a circular balcony with a magnificent view...but there is no one.

"He's not here."

I turn at the sound of Maz's voice.

"Did...did he leave?"

Had I taken too long getting ready? Did he try to find me and then leave when I didn't show up?

A soft laugh from her.

"As if he would leave with you still here," she is still laughing, getting louder until I fear she might hurt herself and I watch as she wipes away moisture from her eyes, "ah, that was a good joke."

"I wasn't joking." I mutter darkly and sigh. "I really am looking for him."

"Yes, I say you are." She looks me up and down, a smile unlike any other I have seen on her face, "You clean up rather well. Emphamerian clothing suits you."

"It does? You're not just saying that?"

"I rarely say anything I don't mean. Why are you looking here."

"The Nymeira told me to follow the lights and they led me here."

"I sent him to change. Much like you have."

"Oh..."

Again, soft laughter as she looks up at me.

"The resort is empty, I'm leaving for another city now. You will have this entire place to yourself. Only the Nymeira and Phisyri will be in attendance, as they are bound to this land."

"Wait...what? You mean Ren and I..."

I can feel my skin heating at the sudden gleam in her ancient eyes.

"Will have the entire resort and surrounding lands to yourself? Yes. No disruption, no disturbances of any kind."

"I...don't understand. Why are you doing this?"

"You don't need to. Just accept it and use your time well. I'm off. I'll be back in three days. Have fun."

"Wait...you still haven't told me where to find Ren."

"Think of this as a treasure hunt and I'm sure you'll find him just fine."

Maz leaves me with those parting words and I can only stare after her in shock.

I'm suppose to find Ren in this sprawling complex.

"Wonderful, just...wonderful."

I suppose I should get started if I am to find him before the sun sets on me.

Just how long were the hours on this world?

I had no idea and no time to find out.

I had a certain dark-eyed man to find.

Anticipation thrums through my body and I laugh out loud.

It seems he was always finding me and now it was my turn to find him.

_Twenty-one hours later..._

"Follow the lights...as if it were that easy!"

I felt as though I had been walking for hours but never getting to where I needed to be. I did as the Nymeira told me and followed the glowing stones...only to realize that they didn't distinguish between myself and Ren.

I was going in circles and I haven't come across another Nymeira, which considering how frequently they've been showing up, struck me as more than a little odd.

"I bet Maz told them to stay away until I find him."

I close my eyes and tell myself to _calm down, _getting angry at the Nymeira for doing as Maz instructed is not their fault.

The scent of rain...the kiss of ice along my skin and my eyes snap open.

The sky is clear, the sun casting ripples of light across the land.

There is no rain...no ice.

"Ren," I whisper, closing my eyes hastily to catch his scent again.

Nothing...nothing...I can feel frustration setting in but then...a fleeting caress, darkness and fire and I open my eyes.

I'm done following the lights. Instead I turn to the Force, where he and I always meet.

There...darkness and fire, the swirling mix of rain kissed by ice and I'm once more running through the resort, my only focus him.

"Ren!" I yell his name, my voice resounding through the halls and I hear the echo of laughter in the wind and I know that I am amusing the Nymeira but I don't care.

"Ren!"

A tug on my mind and I take a sharp turn to the right, crossing through archways and onto another balcony that overlooks the grounds below me.

Why am I out here...and then I know.

There is a lone figure beyond the complex on a walkway where those golden fish arc into the air and disappear into the falls.

The stones beneath his feet are lit like beacons.

I can see the back of him and though the clothing is different, I know who I'm looking at.

"Ren!"

A snap of his head in my direction and despite the distance between us, I can see him clearly.

I lean over the balcony, drinking him in.

He looks...magnificent.

Robes of flowing black etched in silver, revealing a close cut tunic with silver bands around his neck and wrists. Pants tucked into calf-length boots, silver and black markings on the boots.

I have never seen him anything but his uniform, or the smugglers clothing that one time, and looking at him now I see the echo of his mother in him.

Leia, though she no longer claims the title of 'Princess', is royalty.

I see the same strength, a magnetism that draws the eye no matter where they go.

"Rey!"

The cadence of his voice, that sweep of darkness thrumming with desire breaks the spell of seeing him dressed unlike anything I've seen before.

"Stay there, I'll come to you!"

I'm calling to him but he is already running back to the complex and I laugh and turn from the balcony, running out of the archway.

The entrance couldn't be too far away from where I was at.

Another set of turns and I can hear the music of the falls no longer muted as I descend another level.

The kiss of rain and ice wash over me and _there he is. _

Standing beneath the doorway, the glow of the stones illuminating him, only the long hallway separating us now.

That look on his face...has anyone ever looked at me with way he does...a fierce longing that is almost painful in his dark eyes.

Those eyes do not belong to Kylo Ren.

That is not the man I see standing there, seemingly unable to move.

"Ben?"

His eyes widen and I see him take in a sharp breath...and a jerky nod of his head at the name I use.

I am already running to him, not caring about the slippers on my feet or how I might fall.

The distance closes between us, his arms reaching for me and I am swept up in his embrace, laughing as he spins me around.

My feet dangling in the air as I cup his face, safely held in his strong arms.

"Ben! Ben!"

"Rey."

My name on his lips pierces me like a dagger and I lower my head, our mouths melding.

_Home, _my soul whispers as I taste him again, _home. _


	34. Chapter 34

**Author's note**: Update! Thank you for all the comments regarding the lengths of the chapters! So I've decided to mix it up, some of my chapter, like these will be short in order to keep the story moving. Others will be quite long, so bear with me!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **I am totally in awe with the response from my readers! I have the **BEST **fans ever! Please keep reviewing, I can only grow as a writer with them!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I loved her even more because she loved me back,_

_I didn't think I could be loved,_

_or deserved to be loved,_

_but the more broken I became_

_the more she seemed to love me,_

_and the more I loved her back."_

-Atticus

Kylo Ren

_Twenty-two hours ago..._

_ "What will you show her...her enemy...or the man behind the mask?" _

Kanata's words replaying in my mind, a taunt and a question in one. I don't want Rey to see me as her enemy...but could I put aside the mask...and show her the man?

Was it possible, after all these years? Did I know who that was anymore?

"Master Jedi...your quarters are ready for you."

The Nymeira speaking and my hands grip the banister.

"I have not decided if I want to stay on this world."

"That is your choice."

I turn and look at the tranquil being in the shape of a woman.

"The woman Jedi, is she here?"

"Yes, Mistress Jedi is almost ready."

So Rey was here and the Nymeira were attending her.

"Why?"

"Master Jedi?"

"Why is she getting ready? She has never cared about her appearance before now."

The Nymeira tilt her head at me, blind eyes seeming to look directly at me, and again that serene smile does not falter.

"She speaks in wistful tones of a man whom she is waiting for. Perhaps she wishes to show him a side of her that she shows no one else."

A side that no one else will see...

"Take me to my quarters...and have a set of different clothes prepared for me."

"It is already done, Master Jedi."

Why am I not surprised.

The clothing...the tunic of soft black, the high neck and flowing robe shot with silver...it was as if I had stepped back in time when Alderaan was still a living world and not just a long-forgotten memory.

I have seen such clothing before, my mother showed me holo-pictures of the royal family dressed in these formal robes.

It would appear Maz is better prepared than I gave her credit.

The leather belt around my waist has a hook for a lightsaber...and I make the decision to leave it behind.

The first time I can remember that I forgo my weapon.

I look into the mirror...and for the first time I see the heritage of my mother in me, not my father.

"Master Jedi, is all well?"

"Yes...everything is fine." I turn away from the mirror, no longer interested in reflection staring back at me.

"Where is Rey?"

"My you never give up do you?"

Maz coming into the room and I see her stop, her mouth slightly open at my appearance.

I cross my arms over my chest and cock an eyebrow at her.

"Well?"

"You," a choked bit of laughter from her, "for a moment I thought I was staring at your grandfather. He was a handsome man, Anakin Skywalker. Well before that whole bit on Mustafar anyway."

Yes, the fight that changed the fate of Anakin Skywalker to Dark Vader. I knew my history.

I was not in the mood for a lesson.

"Go on, I can see your impatience to find her."

"Tell me where she is."

A twinkle in her eyes that I do not like.

"I've wasted enough time on you, I have other things that need my attention. Good luck finding Rey, she's around here somewhere."

A wave of her hand as the Nymeira give me a bow and both women retreat from my borrowed room.

I should kill that old woman...but the memories of my first lesson with Force came from her...and that is the only reason I let her live.

"It cannot be that difficult to find one woman."

_Twenty-one hours later..._

I've changed my mind. I am going to kill Maz, just out of the sheer frustration she's caused me this past hour. I have searched this entire structure and I have not found Rey.

Each time I thought I found her, I would come in contact with the Nymeira and they would shake their heads at me and tell me that yes, she had passed by but no longer there.

I leave the complex to clear my head. The sweep of the tree's in the distance make me wonder if I've been searching in the wrong spot entirely. Rey is in love with the green world. The tree's, the falls in the distance, all of those would be irresistible to a woman who lives to be outdoors.

After my futile search inside this is the only place I haven't searched.

I sigh and begin to wonder if she doesn't want to be found. I am certain Maz told her I am here and if she wanted to see me she would...

Sunlight in my blood, in my head and the evocative scent of the Night Empress wrapping around my soul.

I know that scent, that feeling of light evading my every pore.

Rey. Reaching for me through our Bond.

I close my eyes and focus, using the Force to call her to me.

"Ren!"

I snap my eyes open, searching for that lilting voice and realize it is coming from behind me.

From the resort.

I turn and see a single figure leaning over the curve of a balcony rail.

Golden ribbons and strands of pearls dance in the soft breeze that frame her face, the light of the sun making her skin shimmer.

I take a step forward, captured by a spring goddess in all her beauty.

"Rey!"

Even from here I can see the glow of amber, watch as her lips curve up into a beguiling smile as she stares down at me.

"Stay there, I'll come to you!"

She turns from the balcony but I have no intention of waiting for her to come to me.

She is in the resort and I will tear that place apart to get to her.

She was only two levels above me, she cannot be that far away.

Vibrant laughter fills the air and I can feel my lips lifting slightly at the sound of her delight.

I turn past the formal archway of the entrance, ready to sprint down the hallway to find that elusive woman...but I stop short..._she was already here. _

My spine locks in place as I finally get a good look at her.

She was already beautiful to my eyes but now she devastated me.

Her sable hair pinned back from her face, golden ribbons and pearls framing the delicate curve of her neck.

Someone has brushed bronze powder across her eyes, her mouth a crimson kiss, the sweep of a blush across high cheekbones.

That outfit...gold mesh lacing around her throat, the tight bodice that clung to curve of her waist, hints of jade and topaz woven into it.

The transparent skirt that looks like liquid sunlight falling from her hips in waves. The pale gold of her pants that caress the delicate slippers on her feet.

She stood in sunlight, the pillars that trailed flowers a perfect frame for this spring goddess.

"Ben?"

That name...did she know how she called to me, haunting with shards of sweet yearning and I take in a sharp breath...and let that name sink into my bones. I give a short nod of my head in acknowledgment to the name she calls me and that breaks her paralysis...and mine.

She is running to me and I catch her in my arms, all radiant sunlight and sweet fire as I lift her to me, spinning her around.

"Ben! Ben!"

I would walk through fire, come back from the dead, just to hear that loving tone call my name.

"Rey."

Swirling amber, her fingers stroking my jaw and her mouth falls like rain on mine.

_Home, _my souls whispers to hers, _home. _

I was finally back where I belonged.


	35. Chapter 35

**Author's Note: **May the 4th be with you! LOL, okay I had to say that! Anyway update time and yes this a bit longer! Wondering why all the sudden updates? Vacation! A stay-at-home vacation, but that only means I get to write more! So all of you lovely readers are reaping the rewards of my free time. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Wow...I really must go out and thank my readers who give me my reviews in both Spanish and French...I have such diverse fans and I am so very grateful for your words of encouragement!

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_She wanted him_

_to feel a love_

_he has never felt_

_before..._

_with her kiss_

_she would take his soul_

_for an eternity."_

-N.R Hart

Rey

_Twenty-one hours ago..._

I lift my mouth from his, still suspended in his arms, and I saw the ghost of a smile hovering on his lips.

"Hi." I whisper, tracing his jaw with my finger. He is so beautiful, I could stare at him for hours and never tire of looking at him.

"Hi," A soft, whisper of laughter from him that catches my breath, "you're a difficult woman to find."

"You're not so easy to catch yourself."

That arrogant arch of his brow. "Were you looking for me?"

"Yes," I tell him, leaning down to brush my lips across his again, "I looked everywhere for you."

His words were drowned out by the sound of a shuttle taking off and we both look to the glass window and see a trail of vapor in the air.

"I guess Maz was telling the truth after all."

Ben looks back at me, a slight scowl on his face, "What are you referring to?"

I blink at him, wondering if he's teasing me but the scowl doesn't relent and my breath hitches as he doesn't realize...

"Ben," I can't stop touching him as I brush a strand of raven hair from his eyes, "Maz told me...she's leaving this city to go to another. There's no one but the two of us here..."

The scowl eases as the implication sinks in and his eyes glow with black fire.

I feel myself sliding against him, the heat of his body as he slowly sets me back on my feet, and I swear he knows how to set my very blood afire.

His arm around my waist, his fingers tilting my head up as he presses his mouth to mine.

I feel his tongue against the seam of my lips and I open for him, drowning in the taste of him...

"Master Jedi? Mistress Jedi? The afternoon meal is being served."

We break apart and I flush hotly at being caught so openly in his embrace.

"Um," I smooth the edges of his robe, "well _almost _alone. The Nymeira are still here."

"Along with the Phisyri if I don't miss my guess."

I sigh and his is an echo of my own.

He lifts his arm from my waist and steps away from me.

I turn to the Nymeira and give her a wan smile.

Who is watching us with that same, serene smile I have yet to see falter.

"Food sounds...wonderful, we'll follow you."

A bow to us both and motions with a graceful sweep of her arm where we need to go.

I look to Ben...who is holding out his arm to me.

"Let's go. I will not keep a lady from her meal."

I have never been called a 'lady' in my life and I find I am utterly charmed by him when he does.

I slip my fingers in the crook of his elbow and cannot help the smile that curves my lips as we walk to where a meal has been laid out for us.

The Nymeira lead us to a small alcove, the ceiling a circular opening and I see those strange, beautiful birds from earlier perching on the rim.

Ben notices my attention, a questioning look in his dark gaze.

"You've never seen the Astiri birds have you?"

I shake my head. "The only animals I ever saw regularly were the pack animals on Jakku."

He leads me to the hover chair and waits for me sit before he takes his own seat.

Was he always this attentive...or am I just now noticing?

The Nymeira place bowl after bowl of rich food before us, half of it I've never seen.

I take a few things from each, watch as Ben does the same.

We eat in silence, the scrape of our utensils the only sound in quiet that surrounds us.

I eat only a little, the fact that he sitting across from me has the butterflies in my blood rioting.

"Rey, do you not like the food?"

I lift my head up to see Ben watching me with concerned eyes and I don't know why but I feel the heat on my face and turn away from his dark gaze.

"It's...it's fine. I guess I'm just not hungry right now."

Which is odd because I'm always hungry and never turn down food.

"Shall we get out of here then?"

I turn my eyes back to him as he has pushed the food away as well.

I get a feeling he wasn't that hungry either.

I nod my head and move the hover chair away from the table. He is already out of his and by my side, offering me his hand.

I am startled and more than a little charmed by the gesture.

"Thank you Ben."

"The pleasure is mine Rey."

Small, quiet joy fills me as he speaks my name with such warmth. I close my fingers around him and the Nymeira step out of the alcove and I wave them off.

"We just want to be alone. We're...um...going to go for a walk."

I grab his hand before the Nymeira can do little more than bow to us and we quickly leave the resort.

I do love how attentive the Nymeira are but right now it is more that what I can stand.

I just want time with Ben.

"Feeling a bit smothered?"

I look up at him, the faint trace of smile on his lips and I lift my eyebrow in response.

"Tell me you were not just as eager to get away as I was and I will call you a liar."

"Perhaps."

He tugs on my hand and we walk along the lit stones, away from the resort.

I breathe in the fresh air, enjoy the feel of the sun on my skin, and the deep pleasure of this man by my side.

"Where are we going?"

"Where do you want to go?"

I shake my head. "I know nothing about this planet. I just wanted to get outside."

"This planet was founded by a Jedi Knight named Kitaani more than two hundred years ago. This world was meant to be a meditative retreat for other Jedi."

Why am I not surprised Ben knows all about this world? But what he tells me is fascinating and I want to hear more.

I love the way he speaks, the soft cadence of his voice.

"So that entire building is...a temple?"

He shakes his head at me just as we reach the end of the walkway. Not too far from us is a small river that separates the resort from another island.

"No, I suspect it was much smaller than what it is now. A place for Padawans and Masters to rest. The real temple would be more reclusive, a place of reflection."

He lets go of my hand and gets down on one knee, fingers touching the rocks that are not a part of the walkway.

"Ben what are you doing?"

"I am looking...there, I thought as much."

His fingers make a complicated sequence...and the rocks that I thought were just rocks, begin to glow with a white light and rearrange themselves into a staircase that leads down to the river.

"Ben! How did you do that?"

He gets back on his feet, once again offering me his hand. "I noticed the ancient Jedi glyphs inscribed on the rocks. I simply activated them."

"You can read ancient Jedi?"

"To a degree, yes."

"Great! Then maybe you can decode some of the books left to me because there are parts I can't read at all."

He gives me a long look and I swear he is silently laughing at me.

"Another time. You said you wanted to explore, so that's what we're doing now."

I look at his hand and give him a dry smile.

"What? Afraid I can't get down a few rocks by myself?"

"You can do anything Rey, I have no doubts about that. However, you are not dressed in your normal clothing...so let me help you."

He believes in me, he isn't offering his hand to me because he thinks I'm weak, he's only being thoughtful.

Does he know how much of my heart he is stealing with these small gestures of his?

I let him take my hand and when my slipper slides across the stone I am suddenly grateful for the extra support.

How did other women get anything done wearing these things?

We make it to the bank of the slow moving river without me tripping or falling in these unfamiliar clothing.

However I have no desire to change, not when he looks at me with such tenderness in his gaze.

"I don't see a bridge? How are we to cross?"

"We could always jump."

"I am _not _jumping in a skirt!"

He turns his head but not before I catch the smirk on his mouth and realize he was never serious about jumping.

He was teasing me and I laugh and bump him with my shoulder.

"Very funny Ben."

"I thought so."

"Stop making jokes and figure a way over this river or we'll have to go back."

"I already have."

I stare at him and the arched look he gives me tell me he's not joking.

"How? I don't see anything."

"Precisely."

He is making no sense and then he lets go of my hand...and steps onto air.

"Ben...what are you..._how _are you doing that?"

"Just step up. Trust me Rey."

I blow out a breath, of course I trust him, and I step where he did...and realize that there is something solid beneath my foot.

We were on a bridge and I could only see it when I was on it. The bridge was clear, meant to blend in with its surroundings.

"How did you know this was here?"

"A small Jedi trick to keep non-Force users from sacred ground. I knew this bridge was here because I was looking for it."

A shake of my head, the ribbons and pearls glide across my neck, "I still have so much to learn."

"You will, eventually. Come we're almost there."

We cross the bridge and as I touch the grassy embankment I turn and the bridge is gone.

I crossed it and I still can't make it out. I turn to look where we've arrived...and I fall in love all over again.

The tree's on the this side of the river were laden with sweet, smelling blossoms of trailing purple and blushing gold.

"Ben, these are so beautiful...oh!"

I lift my fingers to touch a purple flower and the colors rippled and they were no longer purple, but shifting in a lush magenta.

"Interesting."

I watch as Ben lifts his hand to a gold bloom and the ripple happens again, only his are a deep ruby.

"I think I like your color better."

I lean over and inhale the rich scent, sweet and smelling faintly like apples.

"Mmm..."

"Hold still."

I look up just as I see him pull a red flower free, his fingers caressing my hair as he places the bloom behind my ear.

"Well," I feel a bit breathless from his touch, "how does it look?"

His eyes are on me, not on the flower.

"Stunning."

I know the galaxy created him to be my perfect temptation and I cannot resist reaching up on my toes to place a kiss on his mouth.

His fingers on the back of my neck, his mouth fastened to mine and I am lost in the taste of him.

I sigh into his mouth, feel my back hit the bark of the tree as he wraps his arm around my waist.

There is only the wind, the sweet smell of apples in the air...and him.

His lips shape over mine, kissing me with slow deliberation that only feeds the fire in my blood.

My fingers clenching his robe, wanting to pull him closer.

A rustle that is not the wind breaks his mouth from mine and he moves in front of me, a harsh tension to his body.

"Stay behind me Rey."

A large shadow behind the trailing flowers...and it bursts through the treeline.

I come out from behind Ben, utterly enchanted by the creature.

He stands on four hooves, his head just above mine with a coat of pure snow, his hind dappled in black swirls. His mane and tail were as pure as his coat, save where the tips ended in deepest black.

Horns, I counted twelve of them, spiraled from his head and they bloomed with golden flowers and trailing, green vines.

"You are so...beautiful. Oh Ben, isn't she gorgeous?"

The creature tosses her head at me as if agitated by my words.

"I believe that 'she' is a 'he' Rey."

I blink as the animal stamps silver hooves into the ground.

"Oh...oh," I laugh and cover my mouth, "my mistake. You are not beautiful...you are magnificent."

Again a toss of his strong head as he prances before me.

"Rey what are you doing?"

Caution in Ben's voice but I am already stepping forward, my hand extended.

"Hello," I speak to him softly, "My name is Rey...I won't hurt you."

This magnificent creature looks at me through liquid eyes that have a keen intelligence and he steps forward and thrusts his nose into my upturned palm.

He feels like soft velvet and I stroke his nose with unabashed delight.

"Yes, yes you are so very handsome,"I croon softly as he continues to let me pet him, "I wish I had something to give you."

I look around, searching...and I notice that the tree's Ben and I were looking at earlier have small fruit higher up on the branches.

I hear the sigh from Ben and glance over my shoulder at him.

His arm are crossed over his chest and he gives me an long-suffering look.

A giggle, something I _never _did, escapes my lips.

"Please Ben." I eye the fruit on the branch and I watch as he lifts his hand and calls the fruit from the tree.

It lands in his palm.

I'm still petting this beautiful animal but I have to stop to get the fruit from Ben.

I let go and the animal makes a soft whuffing noise and goes to block me from reaching Ben.

I laugh at the narrowed eyed look Ben gives my new protector.

I run my fingers through his silken mane. "That's Ben, he's with me. He won't hurt you."

A shake of his head and I laugh again. He doesn't believe me...or he see's Ben as a rival.

Which was silly.

"Come here and meet my new friend." I motion for Ben to join me and though he gives me _that _look, the one where he arches his eyebrow at me, he joins me nonetheless.

I take the fruit from Ben's hand and move in front of this...creature.

I offer up the fruit to his pointed muzzle and laugh when velvet lips touch my palm and eat my offering.

"Ben what is he?"

"You expect me know this?"

"Yes! You seem to know everything else about this planet."

"His appearance suggests he is one of the native _shikansu._"

"A...shikansu?" The name rolled off my tongue and this strange creature lipped at my hands.

I guess Ben was right, as usual.

I continue to pet this wild shikansu, marveling at how docile he seems.

"I wonder where he came from or if there are any other like him?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Oh, I would hate to think he is alone in this world. That would be...sad."

The shikansu prances away from me, taking a few steps back into the copse.

"Is he...leaving?"

I was sorry to see him go, he was so beautiful.

He stops and tosses his head, his antlers raining golden flowers to the ground as he stares back at me with those limpid eyes.

"I think he wants us to go with him."

"Are you sure?"

I take a step forward, Ben at my side and he makes that whuffing noise again...and I watch as he bows his head.

"What...what is he doing?"

"I believe...he wants you to ride him."

I turn and look at Ben, certain he is joking with me. This creature was a wild animal, there was no way he would want me on him.

Except Ben looked completely serious, his eyes on the shikansu.

I look back at this magnificent animal and he stamps a hoof at me as if inpatient.

Slowly I walk to him and run my hand over his glossy coat. My head barely reached over his back, how was I suppose to ride him?

"Like this."

Ben's hands around my waist and I am being lifted onto his back.

"Whoa!" I swing my legs over so that I can straddle him and wrap my fingers in his mane.

The ground looks far away from up here and I swallow hard.

Riding in a speeder is one thing. Riding a living, breathing animal is something altogether.

"I'm not sure I can do this. Ben, get up here with me!"

"I doubt he wants me on him."

I shake my head. "I am not going anywhere without you, so you had better get up here or I'm getting off."

I swear the animal growled when I said I was going to get off and then I feel a whisper of breeze against my skin and Ben is behind me.

The heat of hands on my hips burns all the way through the silk of my clothing.

"Okay, well, I think we're ready."

The words barely make it out of my mouth when the animal takes off at a speed that has a breathless yell from my lips as I hold on for dear life.

"Open your eyes Rey," his breath in my ear, his lips touching my skin, "look around you."

I open my eyes...and drown in beauty.

The trees cast us in shadows, the trailing flowers swirl with color as we pass beneath them and I see tiny, curious eyes up in the branches between the veils of flowers.

"Ben...this is wonderful..."

I let go of my death grip on his mane as the shikansu slows to gentler speed and reach up and touch the trailing flowers.

Butterflies scatter in the air, dusky blue and blinding orange of their wings like tiny sparks of light.

Laughter spills out of me at the sight of them.

I feel his hands tighten around my hips and I lean back in his arms, thankful that he is here to share this with me.

I don't know how long we rode on the shikansu but eventually we left the grove of trailing flowers and came upon a circular meadow, several small waterfalls flowing from rocky outcroppings all around us.

I gasp as I see more of the shikansu prancing in the field and my heart melts at the sight of two, smaller ones besides the larger adults.

"A family...there's a whole herd here."

Ben is off the creature with one, smooth leap and offers up both arms to me.

I grip his arms, I'm grinning so hard my cheekbones are starting to hurt, as he pulls me down.

His arms around my waist I watch as our guide goes up to a another adult, a female from the smaller horns, and the baby at her side.

"Have you seen anything so adorable?"

One of the babies notices us and wobbles on spindly legs over to where we stand. I get down on my knees, my skirt pooling around me to greet the little one.

"You are so precious..." I touch his coat, like soft fuzz, and stroke his head where two little nobs are protruding.

He collapses with his head in my lap and a heavy sigh. I laugh and continue to stroke his soft fur.

"I wish I had some more fruit to give you little one..."

His muzzle lips at my hands and it is all just perfect.

I look up, wanting Ben to pet the little one, but he's not looking at me. His profile is turned and he is staring off in the distance, beyond where a dense line of trees stand as silent guardians.

"Ben?"

"Can you feel it Rey?"

I was about to ask him what he was talking about...but then I do.

A brush along my mind, a soft tug from deep within and it is the same feeling I had when Luke gave me my first lesson with Force.

The pulse of the island as I stretched out my senses.

A nexus of energy, calling a silent song to me.

To us.

Gently I lift the baby from my lap and go to stand by his side.

His fingers tangle mine as he looks down at me.

"Let's go."

I nod my head as we pick our way through the meadow, several limpid eyes marking our passage but not blocking our way as we move closer to the outline of trees.

The sun still moves lazily through the sky, just a little past the afternoon but when we move through the tree's, the sun is muted and casts us into twilight shadows.

We move at a slower pace, and I rest my hand on a branch so I don't trip.

The branch erupts into luminous light, a swirl of muted greens and blues.

"Ben..."

"Hmm..."

His finger touch one of the leaves and they illuminate as well.

This forest was alive with color and as the leaves shimmered above us I felt as though we walked beneath a canopy of stars.

We move deeper into the forest, the silence a deep cloak but I have no fear.

Only a feeling of absolute peace.

"We're nearly to the center."

I can feel it too, that soft hum of power that settles over my skin.

It is warm and soothing and I follow behind him until the trees become less dense and I begin to hear sound again.

"Ben do you hear that?"

"Yes, it sounds like flowing water."

He keeps a firm grip on my hand as the trees give way and we break through the line.

I hear Ben draw in a harsh breath and I am overcome by the wonder before me.

We stand on a small cliff, gentle waterfalls on either side of us that feed into a pool of glowing water.

In the center of water is a giant, flat structure.

"A lotus..." a soft murmur from Ben as he studies the mosaic and I realize that the he was right.

The form was in the circular patter of a giant lotus, the tips of the petals spread out so that the water could run between them.

Each petal purest white, engraved markings on all of them and at the center, a perfect blue lotus in full bloom.

"Where are we?" I keep my words soft, there was something...mystical about this place.

Sacred.

"A temple. The one that Kitaani must have built. Rey, this is the nexus."

Of course, a focal point where the Force could be channeled. The same as the outcropping of rocks on Luke's island.

"Can we...go down?"

"Yes."

This time there was no need to find a way down, there were stones that acted as a natural bridge to the center.

Ben leaps lightly to one and lifted his hand to me. I stepped lightly into his embrace and we descended with him leading the way.

He was on the center before me, kneeling down and I saw the glyphs all around us.

His fingers brushed them, but they do not react to his touch.

A soft frown marred his brow.

I lean over him, my ribbons trailing down my shoulder.

"What are they? Can you read them?"

"I am uncertain...and no, I cannot read these. They are older than anything I've come across."

They were beautiful, whatever they were.

"Well," I tell him as I kneel next to him, pressing a kiss to his temple, "no one is perfect...though you come a close second."

An arch of his brow, the curve of his lips as he turns and presses a kiss to my mouth.

"Mmmm..."

I lean in, my fingers brushing his as I brace myself...and we break apart as light scatters at our fingertips.

My hand leaves the ground and the light dies immediately.

"Rey...put your hand over mine again and this time, don't let go."

Wordless I lean back over, lightly covering his as he spreads his fingers, mine lying between his.

Shimmering veins of light swirl around us and the entire platform is illuminated.

A thousands fireflies take flight and we are surrounded by light.

I close my eyes and the Force is all around me, the air I breath, the earth I kneel on.

Each firefly is a small, beacon of energy and I can feel it all.

I move slowly to turn and face Ben, opening my eyes.

Soft, whispering darkness in his eyes, our fingers a pulse of light.

We lift our other hand at the same time, palm to palm and he leans his head against mine.

"Be with me. Just be with me."

Soft, murmured words from his lips and they wash over me, connect to the deepest part of myself.

I close my eyes and there is such peace as I have never felt...except when I am with him.

_Welcome young Jedi. Welcome._

A voice in my mind, that of a woman, loving and warm.

I can feel Ben...the kiss of his soul to mine.

I am the Light...he is the Dark.

A perfect balance and I let the Force flow through us, around us and I have never felt so safe.

So loved as I am now, in this moment.

Time passes...unnoticed, unheeded.

There is only this place.

There is only him.

_Fifteen hours earlier..._

"Rey...open your eyes. Look at me."

Slowly I come back to myself, aware of the ache in my spine, the heaviness of my limbs.

I open my eyes to see obsidian staring back at me.

"Ben."

Our fingers are still entwined but this place no longer shines with the light of our combined power.

Only the dim glow of dancing fireflies in the air.

"Can you stand?"

I nod my head and try to get to my feet...and fall into his arms.

My head is spinning.

"What...is wrong with me? I feel so...lightheaded."

"Come on, we need to leave this place."

"Why?"

"This place, as I said, is a nexus. Both giving and taking."

That made sense, I guess. But why did I feel so tired now?

Ben helps me to my feet and we make it back up the path and through the tree's though most of it is a blur.

All I feel is him by my side, an anchor to my soul that I feel will slip away at any moment.

We break through the treeline...and I feel Ben startle the same as me.

The sun that had been lazily moving through the sky...was now close to setting.

The sky filled with streaks of dusky pink, indigo and vivid crimson.

"How long were we in there?"

"Hours, it would seem."

"Just how long are the days here?"

"Standard rotation is thirty-six hours."

Gods, no wonder I felt so tired. Most worlds held to the standard twenty-four hour rotation.

"Rey?"

I leaned against Ben, my eyes fluttering.

"I'm just...tired."

"We should get back to the resort so you can rest."

"Mmmhmm."

A sharp whistle from Ben and I snap my head up, my head ringing and I see the shikansu gallop to us.

"She needs rest, we need to go back now."

A shake of his dark mane and he turns, head bowed once more.

I feel Ben lifting me onto the back of him, but my limbs feel like weights and then his arms are around me, cradling me in his strength.

"Rest Rey, I have you."

"Why...are you not tired..."

"Longer endurance."

I stifle a laugh at his dry tone which turns into a yawn.

"Not funny."

But my eyes are closing as the shikansu begins to run, lulling me to sleep with the motion.

I must have actually dozed in Ben's arms because he's shaking me awake and we're back where we started.

"Can you stay awake to get back to the resort."

I feel a little better after my short nap and nod my head.

"I'm okay, I can walk back with you."

He helps me down and I press my head against the velvet muzzle of my new friend.

"Thank you," I whisper as he lips at my hair, "I hope to see you again."

A toss of his head and he retreats back into the woods.

Ben, helping me across the bridge...the stones lighting beneath us as the sun dips slowly across the sky.

The land is awash in golden light and I smile at it serene beauty despite my tiredness.

I can see the resort from here, the crystal refracting the light of the sun.

The resort...the sun setting...I grip Ben's hand and stop moving, my heart in my throat.

Ben stops, turning to me, a look of confusion in his eyes.

"Rey what is it? Why have you stopped?"

"Ben...you're not leaving...are you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"This day...it's almost evening...I don't want you to leave."

Comprehension in his eyes and he pulls me into his arms.

"Rey, I'm not leaving. I will be here when you wake up."

I slide my arm around his waist, gripping him tightly as I bury my head against his chest.

"For how long?" I know I sound anxious but he's only just arrived, we've had so little time together and the thought of him leaving...my heart feels like its being torn apart.

"When did Maz tell you she would return?"

"Three days from now."

"Then I will stay until she returns."

I lift my head, unable to look away from his drowning eyes.

"You promise?"

His fingers glide down my face as he softly traces my lips.

"I promise Rey."

That's all I wanted to hear and I let him take me by the hand and lead me back to the resort where the Nymeira are waiting for us.

"Did you enjoy your walk, Master Jedi? Mistress Jedi?"

I nod my head, nearly swaying on my feet.

"It was..." again a yawn interrupts my words, "wonderful."

"See her back to her room, she is need of rest."

I turn to look at Ben.

"You're not coming with me?"

He goes motionless at my words and I wonder why...for all of a couple of seconds as I realize what I just said.

Scalding heat across my skin and I stare up at him, my pulse a drumbeat in my head.

"You need rest," hesitant words from him as if they really were not the ones he wanted to tell me, "go with the Nymeira. I will see you when you wake."

I didn't want to let go of him, afraid that I would turn back around and he would be gone.

Something of my thoughts must have been on my face because he lowers his head and presses a kiss to my mouth.

Softer than rain, sweeter than nectar, the feel of his mouth on mine.

He lifts his head and traces my lips with his fingertips.

He is so gentle with me.

"Go Rey, I made you a promise. Believe me."

"I do," I sigh and force myself to let go of him, "get some rest too. You've had just as long a day as me."

I let the Nymeira take me by the arms and lead me away from him.

I realize as they lead me back to my room, I never got an answer from him.

The bed beckons and I tumble into a cloud of softness, already half asleep when my head hits the pillow.

I'll just sleep a few hours and go back to Ben.

Just a few...

Gentle hands in my hair, removing ribbons and pearls and that is all I remember before I fall into the void.

Ben's haunting eyes and whispered promise following me into my dreams.


	36. Chapter 36

**Author's Note**: Update time! I know, this is a much longer chapter than the previous ones, ergo it took me longer to finish! I hope no one minds the long read! Hopefully I will be able to update soon...

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **So...how am I doing? Like it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_If there's one thing I am sure of,_

_I am sure that you_

_have always belonged_

_with me."_

-Akif Kichloo

Kylo Ren

_Twenty-one hours ago..._

Her mouth lifts from mine, glowing amber so close I can see each fracture of light beneath darkened lashes.

This is no dream, no spectral bond. She is warm and alive in my arms and a strange weight settles inside of me where only a deep void had lived.

"Hi." A single, caressing word as she trails a feathery touch across my jaw, looking at me as though I only exist for her.

"Hi," soft, derisive laughter leaves me as I remember thinking that she might not want to see me, "you're a difficult woman to find."

"You're not so easy to catch yourself."

A teasing reprimand, as if _I _were the one who made her wait, not the other way around.

I lift my brow in response, this playful side of Rey just for me, "Were you looking for me?"

"Yes," breathless yearning as she leans down, brushing her mouth across mine, "I looked everywhere for you."

If she wanted to make me her slave, all she had to do was keep touching me just like this.

I open my mouth to tell her how much I missed her but the roar of a shuttle taking off drowned out my words and we both turned at the same time to the nearest window where a cloud of white vapor streaked through the sky.

"I guess Maz was telling the truth after all."

Thoughtful words, a quiet murmur as if she was speaking to herself but I can hear them clearly and I have no idea what she is talking about.

"What are you referring to?"

What had Maz told her and what had it to do with a departing shuttle.

She turns back to me, a slightly shocked expression on her lovely face.

Other emotions chase themselves across her eyes, too quickly for me to catch, but the one that stays makes my breath halt.

Shy anticipation.

"Ben," her fingers brush along my skin, smoothing away an errant strand of hair from my eyes, "Maz told me...she's leaving this city to go to another. There's no one but the two of us here..."

She is scattering lightning in my veins with her feathered caresses and it takes me a moment to regain my thoughts and the implication of her words.

Maz gone...the city somehow cleared...only the two of us left.

I have Rey all to myself. No distractions, no more disturbances of any kind.

Slowly I set her down on her feet, keeping her body next to mine as I feel the racing of her heart, the heat in her eyes.

The press of silk against my hand it is nothing to the feel of Rey's skin as I lift her face to mine.

The taste of her mouth, silken and hot and opening beneath me and the sweet surrender of her against me is everything I need.

"Master Jedi? Mistress Jedi? The afternoon meal is being served."

Rey pulls away abruptly at the sound of the Nymeira calling out to us. I don't care about the food, I have what I what already.

I look down at Rey, who is avoiding both mine and the Nymeira's eyes, her fingers repeatedly smoothing the edges of my robe.

The fiery blush across her skin tells me what I need to know about her state of mind right now.

"Um," again her fingers play with my clothing, refusing to look at me, "we're _almost _alone. The Nymeira are still here."

"Along with the Phisyri, if I don't miss my guess."

Guardians of this land, fixed to one place that they will forever call home, no matter how much time passes.

So much for being truly 'alone'.

I sigh in annoyance, only to realize Rey is doing the same.

However much I want her to myself, I will cause her no discomfort and I sense she is not quite ready to be so open with her affections while others look on.

Reluctantly I allow my hand to fall away and step back.

More to give myself a chance to calm my own torrent emotions.

She turns to face the Nymeira, who look upon us with a tranquil smile.

No doubt, with this being a resort, they have seen more than just couples kissing.

"Food sounds...wonderful, we'll follow you."

Rueful words from Rey and the Nymeira give us a bow in acknowledgment and I have no choice but attend.

I have no appetite but I will not let Rey go hungry because of my mercurial state of mind.

She turns back to me and I am already offering my arm to her.

I remember practicing this move over a dozen times with my mother until she considered me 'fit for company'.

The startled yet delighted look in Rey's eyes was worth the endless hours of etiquette lessons I was forced to learn.

"Let's go," I tell her as she moves back to my side, "I will not keep a lady form her meal."

That sweep of color across her cheek, the sparkle in her eyes as she slips her fingers into my arm.

Perhaps being the son of a princess has its rewards after all.

We are led to a small, intimate alcove that clearly has been set up just for the two of us.

The ceiling has opened up before the sky, filtered sunlight keeping the air a comfortable temperature even as Astiri birds wing in and settle above us.

The sparks from their wings has Rey looking up with, a touch of wonder in her gaze.

"You've never seen the Astiri birds have you?"

She shakes her head at me, clearly fascinated by the creatures.

"The only animals I ever saw regularly were the pack animals on Jakku."

If they were anything like sand creatures from other worlds, I can understand why those colorful birds held her attention.

I wait for Rey to take her chair, I have not fallen so far that I sit before my lady does, and again I see that startled light in her gaze.

Clearly no one in her short life has treated the way she deserves to be treated.

With respect and admiration.

Once she is settled I take my own seat across from her, but I must admit I preferred the bar on Pralis where she sat next to me, allowing me to feed her.

This feels too...formal. As though we were strangers again...or just barely acquainted friends.

I like neither implication as the Nymeira serve the food. Dishes of delicacies from across the galaxy.

Bowls of Noobian stew, prawns from the sea of D'Quar and other such food.

I watch as Rey hesitates over the servings before taking small portions.

Perhaps she is unfamiliar with most of the tastes and is being careful. I take only enough to please the woman before me but the food is like ash in my mouth.

A part of me is still wondering if I am not caught in dream, praying it will not become a nightmare if she vanishes from my sight.

She has barely touched her food and her silence is like a heavy weight between us.

"Rey do you not like the food?"

I have never seen her like this. My Rey has a zeal for life, not this shy creature who barely glances my way.

She looks up at me, a blaze of heat across her skin and she looks back down at her barely touched plate.

"It's...it's fine. I guess I'm just not hungry right now."

Perhaps it is this place. I wonder if a change of scenery might renew her spirit.

"Shall we get out of here then?"

There was no more use in pretending either one of us wanted to eat.

A quick nod of her head is all I need and I am moving out of my chair and offering her my hand.

She looks at me, no longer so timid as she graces me with a warm smile.

"Thank you Ben."

"The pleasure," I tell her with absolute sincerity, "is mine Rey."

Calloused fingers slide into mine and I feel, more than hear, the Nymeira approach.

I have no need, or desire, for a constant chaperon.

It would appear Rey feels the same because she is waving them off.

"We just want to be alone," her hand a firm grip in mine, "We're...um...going to go for a walk."

I had no such plans but I am more than willing to follow where she leads.

The moment we are outside the building I hear her take a deep breath and watch the natural color come back into her face.

"Feeling a bit smothered?"

She looks up at me, that spark in her gaze and _this _is the Rey I know as she lifts a tawny eyebrow at me.

"Tell me you were not just as eager to get away as I was," aggrieved words that makes my lips twitch and amusement, "and I will call you a liar."

I am many things, but a liar is not one of them.

"Perhaps."

Her steps falter at my dry tone and I tug on her hand to keep her moving. The path continues to light our way, living Force stones, as we move closer to the river.

"Where are we going?" Curiosity now, but no alarm.

"Where do you want to go?" There are many places around here that would be of interest to her, the island in the distance one of them.

A shake of her head at my query.

"I know nothing of this planet, I just wanted to get outside."

A silent sigh in my mind. Of course she came here with no knowledge, she did the same thing on Pralis Six.

She has no sense of self-preservation.

"This planet was founded by a Jedi Knight named Kitaani more than two hundred years ago," it seems the type of information she would want to hear, "This world was meant to be a meditative retreat for other Jedi."

Sometime between the founding of this retreat and the Clone Wars, this world was forgotten by the Jedi Order.

But not completely abandoned. The resort and the cultivated lands are proof enough of that.

"So that entire building is...a temple?"

I shake my head but her observation isn't entirely wrong. We've reached the end of the walkway, the river only a few meters from where we stand.

I can feel something from the island in the distance. A sense of power...but as if it were sleeping.

"No, I suspect it was much smaller than what it is now. A place for Padawans and Masters to rest," a time to heal before whatever else the galaxy threw in their direction, "the real temple would be more reclusive, a place of reflection."

The planet Yavin, where Skywalker built his school, was one of the more reclusive spots in the galaxy.

I have a feeling the temple that the old Jedi Knight founded is still around here somewhere.

There, at our feet I glimpse a familiar glyph.

I have to kneel down to get a better look at it but I am certain that I know what it is.

"Ben, what are you looking at?"

Rey, her lilting voice washing over me, soothing to my senses.

"I am looking," I brush away some dirt and see the other glyphs I need, "there, I thought as much."

I quickly realign the sequence, sending a bit of energy to restart to process.

The Force-stones come to life, glowing with renewed power and quickly do what they were meant to do.

Give us a way down to the river.

"Ben! How did you do that?"

I turn back to Rey, delight and surprise sparking her smile.

The light of the sun turns her clothing to liquid gold and once more I am captured by a spring goddess.

I get to my feet, offering her both my hand and an explanation of what I just did.

"I noticed the ancient Jedi glyphs inscribed on the rocks. I simply activated them."

This was a Jedi retreat at one time. I would have been more surprised if I hadn't found the markers.

She is looking at me with fascination and growing excitement.

"You can read ancient Jedi?"

She was practically vibrating with energy, her eyes fixed on my face.

I wondered at her interest in the old writing.

"To a degree, yes."

I knew most of the ancient code, but there were some the predated the founding of the Jedi Council and when the Clone Wars destroyed the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, including the archive, most of that knowledge was lost.

"Great! Then maybe you can decode some of the books left to me because there are parts I can't read at all."

She is waiting for me to respond, all glowing happiness and I wonder if she simply expects me to show up at her hidden base just to translate dusty old books.

Now wouldn't that surprise my mother if I just showed up after all of these years.

Not that I had any intention of doing such a thing.

"Another time. You said you wanted to explore, so that's what we're doing now."

I am still waiting for her to take my hand when she eyes me with a slightly disdainful expression.

"What? Afraid I can't get down a few rocks by myself?"

Did she honestly believe I thought so little of her strength? The look in her gaze, that slight hint of derision in her words tell me she does.

"You can do anything Rey, I have no doubts about that." This was the woman who bested me in combat when we first clashed, who stood toe to to with the praetorian guard, "However, you are not dressed in your normal clothing...so let me help you."

I have never seen this side of her, soft and beguiling and I wanted her to be able to lean on my strength, if only for a moment.

The derision leaves her eyes and they suffuse with pleasure as she slips her hand into mine.

My hand steadies her balance when I feel her wobble slightly but she quickly regains her balance and we make it to the river.

"I don't see a bridge? How are we to cross?"

She is looking around, quite a serious expression on her face and I cannot help but tease her a little.

"We could always jump."

I keep my tone calm and she glares at me with outrage at even suggesting it.

"I am _not _jumping in a skirt!"

She is far too easy to annoy and I have to turn my head before she realizes that I have no intention of making her do such a thing.

I feel her bump my shoulder, laughter coating her voice.

"Very funny Ben."

Her words imply otherwise and I repress the smile trying form.

She just might push me into the river if I laugh now.

"I thought so."

I couldn't help but needle her, she was rather adorable when she got worked up and she rolls her eyes at me.

"Stop making jokes and figure a way over this river or we'll have to go back."

The woman was clearly underestimating me. I would not bring her all the way down here without a way to cross.

"I already have."

The expression on her face tells me she doesn't believe me.

"How? I don't see anything."

"Precisely."

I let go of her hand before she does decide to push me in and show her what I mean.

I step up on the bridge that isn't there. At least not to the visible eye.

"Ben...what are you..._how _are you doing that?"

At least she is no longer doubting that I can get us across this bit of running water.

"Just step up. Trust me Rey."

A soft sigh but no hesitation and I watch as she copies my movement exactly.

A look of astonishment on her face as she could clearly see the bridge.

"How did you know this was here?"

"A small Jedi trick to keep non-Force users from sacred ground," Skywalker used this particular trick in his school, "I knew this bridge was here because I was looking for it."

A look of disbelief on her face as we move over the river and I hear the slide of her pearls.

"I still have so much to learn."

Considering all that she had learned so far, she would have been considered a prodigy by any Master.

"You will, eventually." A wistful look on her face but now is not the time for Jedi lessons, "Come we're almost there."

The island is larger than what I originally thought and I hear the sigh in her voice as she gazes up at the tree's laden with flowers.

She is in motion, her fingers reaching for the trailing blossoms.

"Ben, these are so beautiful...oh!"

Her touch has triggered a metamorphosis in the flowers and I watch as the turn from the dusky purple to deep magenta.

"Interesting."

I wonder if it is just a reaction to Rey...no, the one I touched now is twisting from gold to red, the shade of spilled blood on virgin snow.

"I think I like your color better."

Her words come as a surprise and I watch as she closes her eyes and inhales the scent of apples in the air.

"Mmmm."

Dark lashes against shimmering skin, her mouth curved in a winsome smile, a spring goddess in repose.

"Hold still."

Her eyes flutter open just as I gently pull a flower from the rest, her skin warm to my touch as I tuck the flower behind her ear.

"Well," huge eyes, a tremble in her voice, "how does it look?"

As if mere words could comprehend the way her spirit shines, the gleam of fire that beguiles the mind.

I command legions, devastate star systems with a lift of my hand...and I am helpless before her soft, shy gaze.

"Stunning."

A bloom of color across her face, but her eyes do not leave mine and she leaves waste to my soul as I watch her reach up and press a warm, loving kiss to my mouth.

My hand is on her neck, a single taste of her and I am intoxicated and I don't want her to stop.

A sigh into my mouth, acquiescing before my silent demand, warm and pliant in my arms.

Her back hits the tree, the scent of apples in the air, the veil of flowers hiding us from the world.

There is only Rey and I kiss her mouth with ardent devotion, her fingers grasping my robe, pulling me closer and...

A harsh snap of a branch that is not the wind and I tear my mouth from hers.

I hear a sound, like soft thunder coming our way and I place my body in front of hers.

I may not have my saber but that does not mean I cannot defend her.

"Stay behind me Rey."

The information I gleamed before coming here spoke of nothing that I would consider a threat, but that means nothing when Rey is here with me.

The creature that burst through the treeline is unlike anything I have seen before...but I have read about them.

I hear Rey's soft exclamation as the animal comes into view...and before I can utter another word of warning, she is ducking from behind me, boldly walking up to the creature.

A rather imposing animal, not quite the height of a bathan, but four-footed. Moon-and-shadow coloring, a clever trick of camouflage that would allow him to stay hidden in the foliage.

His rather impressive set of horns, twelve of them, are laden with golden flowers and trailing vines. When he stands perfectly still, he would simply be another tree in bloom.

"You are so...beautiful. Oh Ben, isn't she gorgeous?"

I am less than pleased to hear that loving, breathy tone as she gazes up at the animal.

The creature, who is defiantly _not _female, shakes his head as though annoyed by her reference.

"I believe that 'she' is a 'he' Rey."

Liquid eyes with keen intelligence meet mine, a soft snort from his muzzle as he stamps the ground, his hooves making the ground tremble.

A challenge in my direction.

"Oh...Oh," hands cover the curve of her lips but her eyes sparkle with captured sunlight, "my mistake. You are not beautiful...you are magnificent."

A toss of his head before Rey, the flash of his mane in the sun.

Showing off before a beautiful female.

I am _not _impressed...but Rey looks at him with adoring eyes.

"Rey what are you doing?"

She is moving with hands extended before this new distraction.

"Hello," sweet, coaxing words that narrow my eyes, an irrational flair of jealousy that she should speak so lovingly, "My name is Rey...I won't hurt you."

That animal proves just how male he is by thrusting his nose into her open palm, utterly tamed by the sound of her voice.

I swear the woman can call the birds from the air just by speaking.

"Yes, yes you are so very handsome. I wish I had something to give you..."

My body tightens at the sensual crooning in her voice and I wonder what I would have to do to get her to stroke me that way.

She looks up from the animal, her eyes alighting to the branches above our heads.

I look up and see the fruit hanging from the boughs.

I sigh, pray that she isn't thinking about climbing the tree just to feed that...creature.

Her eyes catch mine, gentle pleading in them and I cross my arms over my chest.

If she thinks I am going to _help _her, after that beast has stolen her attention from me...

A giggle, a light airy sound from her lips that makes my pulse stutter in its wake.

I didn't know she could make such a noise, I wish she would do it again.

"Please Ben."

Cajoling words, hints of laughter and I am hers to command.

I lift my hand to the fruit and use the Force to call it to me. It lands with a heavy weight in my palm, unharmed.

A delight in her eyes as she moves away to come back to me, I can feel my lips curving in smug satisfaction, and the animal makes a noise that is vaguely threatening, and stands between us.

He looks at me with a proprietary glow and I narrow my eyes at him. If he thinks to claim my Rey, I will show him differently.

I don't care if he stands on two legs or four, a male is still a male.

Rey, my traitorous goddess, has the audacity to laugh at us.

She runs her fingers though his mane and I see his eyes go limpid at her touch.

"That's Ben, he's with me. He won't hurt you."

I am not sure about that and neither is he. He tosses his head as if silently agreeing with me.

She looks at me, a definite twinkle in amber, and lifts her hand to me.

"Come here and meet my new friend."

After a few minutes, this wild animal is now considered her 'friend'. She really has no sense of self-preservation.

However I will not be the one to kill that look in her gaze and I walk over to where she stands.

She plucks the fruit from my fingers and lifts it to the muzzle gently lipping her hair.

"Ben what is he?"

_Now _she thinks to ask that question.

"You expect me know this?"

"Yes! You seem to know everything else about this planet."

I sigh, only slightly mollified by her response. I do, in fact, know what he is.

At least by the description that I read regarding this worlds inhabitants.

"His appearance suggests he is one of the native _shikansu._"

A distant relation to the Phisyri who are the primal guardians of the land and its creatures.

"A...shikansu?"

The creatures nuzzles her hands and she croons softly to him in adoration.

I am starting to regret coming to this particular island.

"I wonder where he came from or if there are any other like him?"

Why would she want _more _of them. One is too much already.

"Why do you want to know?"

When she answers, her voice is gentle...as though speaking of something else entirely.

"Oh, I would hate to think he is alone in this world. That would be...sad."

The woman is going to break me with her compassion.

Now that she has spoken those words...I am in silent agreement. I may not like the way he is taking up Rey's time with me, but I have no reason to wish such isolation on him.

His eyes lift to mine, and I tip my head to him in silent acknowledgment, and he pulls away from Rey.

Moving back to the tree's that he emerged from and I sense that something else is about to happen.

"Is he...leaving?"

The shikansu tosses his head, I catch a definite human expression of annoyance in those limpid eyes.

For all of her intelligence, my Rey can be quite dense to the obvious.

"I think he wants us to go with him."

He gives me a resigned look, I don't think he wants _me _at all, but he is more than happy to have Rey follow him.

"Are you sure?"

She takes a tentative step forward and I see his tail perk up in response.

Yes, he wants my Rey to follow.

In fact he goes so far as to bow his head...the same way I've seen other animals bow before their riders.

"What...what is he doing?"

She sounds utterly bewildered and it appears its my job to translate.

"I believe...he wants you to ride him."

A soft whuff from the shikansu and I know he's laughing at us.

Arrogant thing.

Rey turns back to me, more than a little apprehensive and the large male stamps his hoof to get her attention back.

She turns, running a hand over his smooth coat, a mixture of longing and confusion in her eyes.

I am going to regret this.

"Like this."

My hands around her waist and I lift her easily across his back, despite the height difference.

"Whoa!"

She instinctively straddles her legs over his sides, her fingers wrapped tightly in his mane.

"I'm not sure I can do this. Ben, get up here with me!"

She can fly star ships, fight off mercenaries without blinking an eye...yet she is panicking over riding an animal.

There is still much I am learning about this fascinating woman.

I have no doubt the shikansu can carry us both, thought I am a bit dubious about riding him.

"I doubt he wants me on him."

A slight bob of his head and I give him a narrow look. It's not as if I _want _to ride him in the first place.

He started this entire fiasco.

But Rey is adamant and her voice reflects it.

"I am not going anywhere without you, so you had better get up here or I'm getting off."

I shoot the shikansu an amused look and he gives off a soft growl and a toss of his head.

Smart animal to not argue with Rey when she gets in that mood.

Looks like I have no choice and I swing up easily behind her, my hands settling on her hips.

The press of her body against mine is worth the aggravation this creature has caused me.

"Okay, well, I think we're ready."

Her tone is breathless and I tighten my hands in response. The shikansu takes off through the tree's and I feel Rey tremble in my arms, her fingers a white-knuckle grip in the mane.

I didn't bring her all the way out here to fall off an animal.

"Open your eyes Rey," trembling, high color on her face as my lips brush against the shell of her ear, "look around you."

One eye just barely peeking open and then both widen as the shikansu takes us further inland, the sun hidden by the dense veil of flowers we now pass under.

She has that same dreamy look as when we first glimpsed these trees. Her breath is evening out, no longer so ragged.

"Ben...this is wonderful..."

Without Rey noticing, I tap the animal to slow down, sending my command to his mind.

I sense his annoyance but he speed lessens and Rey unwraps one hand to touch the trailing flowers.

Butterflies riot at her touch and her warm, carefree laughter wrapping around my soul.

My grip tightens around her body, to make sure she doesn't fall and because I cannot be here and not touch her.

A shift in her weight as she settles more firmly against me, the spice of the flower as it brushes against my chest.

Rey, relaxed and trusting in my arms, and I forget my earlier anger with the shikansu.

This moment with her is one I will never forget, not if I live to be a hundred.

We ride through the this forest of flowers, the sun dappling through the leaves occasionally until we breach the copse and enter what must their grazing pasture.

I hear Rey gasp as I count seven more adults and at least five offspring.

"A family," again that wistful tone, "there's a whole herd here."

Well that should soothe her mind about this creature being alone in the world.

I am more than grateful to have an excuse to get off after we finally come to a halt.

I turn, lifting my arms up to Rey as she tries to take in everything at one.

The grin on her face as she reaches for me is one I will see in my dreams for years to come.

She should always look this way. Carefree and happy, no thoughts of war or rebellion.

Of what side of the line that we belong on, though that line has started to blur the moment I met her.

Her skirt flows about her as I lift her down, my hand firmly around her waist as I set her on her feet.

We should be able to stay a little longer yet, the sun is still drifting through the sky with a lazy grace.

"Have you seen anything so adorable?"

A delighted cry as a spindly baby spots us and wobbles over. No doubt to what Rey is referring to.

I wonder...a sharp tug on my mind, a whisper in the Force as I feel a flow of energy where only silence had been.

Rey is speaking but her words are a white noise as I let my Force-sense expand, reaching for what has caught my attention...

...there, beyond that line trees, something awaits.

"Ben?"

The cadence of her voice piercing the call in my mind for a moment before it returns stronger than before.

"Can you feel it Rey?"

A rustle of cloth, and I feel her next to me, the animals forgotten.

I tangle my fingers with hers. I am not certain what is calling us, for I know that she feels it as well, but I don't want us to get separated.

I look down and she has that far away look in her eyes, that same feeling I had.

"Let's go."

The trek through the meadow is a silent one but I am more than aware of the eyes of the guardians on us.

Whatever is beyond those trees they know of it...yet make no movement to bar our way.

A hopeful sign. I sense no malice, no ill intent and I admit I am more than a little curious as to what is calling out in the Force.

I lead us through the dense branches and immediately the shadows fall over us, a dusky twilight when there had only been afternoon warmth.

A hushed silence in these woods, no call of the birds, no shake of the branches of other denizens that call this place home.

A tug on my hand, Rey needing to stop. I wait, her hand touching a branch as if to brace herself and the entire tree lights up from within, muted greens and blues a swirl of color.

"Ben..."

She has already lifted her but the tree does not revert back.

"Hmm..."

I lift my own hand to one of the dark leaves and it too transmutes color, a whisper of ancient life along my fingertips.

This forest is a nexus of energy, somehow grounded in the Force.

A sacred place indeed. I had thought most of these places wiped out during my grandfather's time but it seems a few pockets remain untouched.

We keep moving, the forest illuminating our path and I am hard pressed to remember that the sun is still overhead.

That well of power, of benign grace, settles over me and it is both soothing and irritating at the same time.

Rey seems undisturbed by the sensation and I wonder what it means for me.

"Ben do you hear that?"

I did, a familiar sound.

"Yes, it sounds like flowing water."

Considering the landscape, the abundance of water everywhere, I keep a tight grip on her hand.

The trees are thinning out and that call is louder in my mind now. A gentle, pulsing wave that draw us deeper to the heart of this hidden world.

What greets us is not anything I could have predicted and I draw in a harsh breath.

The remnants of an open temple laid out on the ground below where we now stand.

"A lotus..." The way the petals flared outward from the circular design, I had seen similar patterns before.

There were several on Naboo where we used to go on the few holidays I remember with my...parents.

Strange that I should think of that now.

"Where are we?"

She speaks in a hushed tone, yet her words reverberate through the air.

A natural amplifier this place was with all the water running into a circular basin.

"A temple," the knowledge comes to me, as if another was whispering to me from far away, "The one that Kitaani must have built. Rey, this is the nexus."

A brush along mind mind, a hint of warmth...and a stab of pain.

The dark side of my power recoiling and yet despite the slight irritation, I had no desire to leave.

"Can...we go down?"

"Yes."

There was a natural staircase of stones that led directly to the center of the temple.

I jumped on one, making sure it was stable, I have no idea how long it has been since anyone was here, and offer Rey my hand.

It was stable enough for her leap lightly onto it just as I moved further down.

So we descended, until I was on solid ground again with Rey directly behind me.

There were markings along the floor...my vision doubles for a moment...but then it vanishes.

I kneel down, the glyphs almost like ancient Jedi code...but nothing I could read.

It has to predate to founding of the Jedi Council.

I touch my fingers to them anyway, let the Force flow through me...and I sense a flicker...but they remain stubbornly unresponsive to my command.

I don't like secrets, especially Jedi secrets like the one before me.

"What are they? Can you read them?"

Curiosity and a touch of hushed awe in her voice and I sigh, for once unable able to give her an answer.

"I am uncertain...and no, I cannot read these. They are older than anything I've come across."

A whisper of cloth, her warmth next to me as she kneels down on the ground next to me.

"Well no is perfect," a press of her lips to my temple, startling me with her touch and even more so with the tease of her next words, "though you do come a close second."

I turn, a glimmer of humor in amber, and I feel my frustrations melt away. I am far from perfect but I see no reason to dissuade her of the notion.

I press my lips to hers, I have not yet sated my craving for her touch and feel her lean into me.

"Mmm..."

Her fingers brush mine on the ground...and I feel the scatter of lightning across my palm.

We break away, a gasp from her lips and her hand lifts from mine, that feeling and the light disappearing at once.

Maz's words come back to me from earlier.

_'A Dyad in the Force...two made one..'_

A spark, a hint of understanding at the fleeting edge of my consciousness.

"Rey," the words tumble from me before I can think them through, "put your hand over mine again and this time, don't let go."

She doesn't hesitate to do what I ask, even though I am not making any sense and as her hand settles over mine, I can feel the echo of our powers twining.

This time the temple erupts in veins of light, racing and swirling around us.

The Force washes over me like a tidal wave and a thousand fireflies illuminate the air, the glitter of earth-bound stars.

Darkness a black flame in my soul, guttering beneath the gentle flow of Light.

I turn to Rey and fractured amber rest on me, alight with inner fire.

Our hands raise, palm to palm, and peace soothes the ragged edges of my soul in a way I have only ever felt once in my life.

When I first touched hands with Rey all those months ago.

I close my eyes and breath deeply as if waking from a long dream.

"Be with me. Just be with me."

The words leave my mouth, the calling of a Jedi to the Masters who have become one with the Force.

_Welcome home, Jedi Knight, welcome home. _

The brushing of a hand across my brow, the gentle grace of a woman's touch in my mind.

I can feel Rey...the kiss of her soul to mine.

I am the Dark...she is the Light.

We are in perfect balance, she and I.

The Force flows between us, all around us, and I feel peace evade me.

The gentle warmth of a mother's touch, her unconditional love.

Time passes...unnoticed, unheeded.

There is only this place.

There is only her.

_Fifteen hours earlier..._

I come back to myself with great difficulty. I feel as if I have been reborn, though darkness licks at the edge of my soul, a crouching beast in wait.

I am aware of two things at once.

The feel of Rey's hand still pressed upon mine...and the Force no longer an insistent call to my mind.

I remember a woman's voice, old and wise, calling out to me. Her touch a resonance of my mother when I was still young and believed myself safe and loved.

I shake my head from such foolish thoughts and feel the sharp ache in my spine, grains of dirt like small shards digging into my knees.

I open my eyes...and Rey is still in perfect stasis.

Her breath so light that if our hands were not connected, I could not feel the pulse of her life force, I would almost believe her dead.

"Rey...open your eyes. Look at me."

I don't know how much time has passed but the wan color of her skin is not something I am comfortable with.

A flutter of her eyelashes, a soft groan from her lips and she is looking at me.

Fractal light, a swirl of amber and topaz that leaves me breathless before such beauty.

"Ben."

My name a kiss on her lips before the light fades in her eyes and replaced by sharp fatigue.

"Can you stand?"

Even now I can feel her strength fading. She has been too long connected with the Force.

Her spirit might have been willing but her body is not yet up to the task of deep meditation.

A nod of her had, a tremble of her limbs and I catch her before she can fall onto the ground.

"What...is wrong with me? I feel so...lightheaded."

A side effect that I had forgotten about. Padawans who try to connect too deeply with the Force before they are ready are sapped of their strength instead of being bolstered by it.

"Come on, we need to leave this place."

The Force may not be in full resonance now, but this place was still a temple, still had the ability to draw out the spirit without much effort.

"Why?"

Her words are slurring and I see her eyes trying to fall back shut.

"This place, as I said, is a nexus. Both giving and taking."

Eyes blinking at me and I haul her to her feet, a sense of urgency on me now.

For all of her progression with her training, her natural affinity with the Force, this deep connection was too fast, too soon.

She moves like a sleepwalker as I pull her away from the temple. We must gain distance so she can properly recover.

The trees are still alight with energy and it is well because all of my concentration is on Rey.

Helping her put one foot in the other, her hand cold against mine. I feed her my own energy, I have more than enough.

I am old enough, experienced enough, to channel the Force so that it does not drain me the way it did Rey.

In fact, I feel as if I have enough energy to change the tides of the planet if I so desired.

We break through the treeline...and I feel the shock go through Rey...through myself as I stare up at the sky.

It was mid afternoon when we went looking for the nexus.

It was now closer to dusk, the sun dipping lower to the edge of the world.

"How long were we in there?"

She sounds more awake now, but not by much. The rapid change of the sky leaves me slightly reeling and I take a minute before I answer.

"Hours, it would seem."

"Just how long are the days here?"

Her practical question grounds me against the time lapse and it clears my head.

"Standard rotation is thirty-six hours."

I feel her sway, my arm around her waist as her head brushes the crook of my shoulder.

"Rey?"

"I'm just...tired."

Eyes fluttering, a quiet sigh in her voice and I wonder when was the last time she had slept.

"We should get back to the resort so you can rest."

"Mmmhmmm."

A mumble from her lips, she is nearly asleep.

I have no time to waste.

I see the shikansu who brought us not too far away and I give a sharp, piercing whistle to get his attention.

Rey's head snaps up in response, her eyes a bit clearer.

The creature gallops towards me, anger in his eyes at the command I sent to him.

I have no time to play the dominate species game with him.

"She needs rest, we need to go back now."

He his head dips, Rey barely able to lift her hand in greeting and I feel the anger dissipate from him.

He bows his head and I lift Rey onto his back.

She sways but I am already behind her, my hands wrapped his mane as I brace her against me.

She is struggling against the fatigue but now is not the time for her to be fighting me.

"Rest Rey, I have you."

I feel her body go pliant, though her words make me want to smile.

"Why...are you not tired..."

Of course she has to ask that. Always wanting answers, that is my stubborn, beautiful woman.

"Longer endurance."

Her body shaking, she trying hard not to laugh.

It would seem she remembers our lesson from weeks ago.

"Not funny."

But her words are punctuated by a yawn and she mumbles sleepily in my arms, eyes already closed.

The shikansu looks back at me, once, and I nod my head.

His soft canter turns into a flat gallop and we move with alacrity back to the edge of this island.

She is a warm, comfortable weight in my arms and I press a kiss to her hair.

We're back at the shoreline in less time it took us to get to his grazing area.

She is still dozing in my arms and I am reluctant to wake her peaceful rest but I must.

Gently I shift her in my arms and her eyes open to look up at me.

"Can you stay awake to get back to the resort?"

There is more clarity in her gaze and she gives a nod and sits up on her own.

"I'm okay, I can walk back with you."

Her voice has more strength to it as well, a good sign that she is starting to recover. I hope that her fatigue is more a natural state and not caused by her deeper immersion with the Force.

I quickly jump down, Rey sliding into my arms.

She turns from me, pressing her face up against the shikansu.

A picture of innocence, rider and animal in perfect stillness.

"Thank you," I hear her whispers, "I hope I see you again."

A toss of his head, a sense of pleased smugness he sends my way, just before he retreats back to his own home.

I sigh at the jab, but let it go.

Rey is fond of him and for that I can tolerate his arrogant preening.

I grasp her hand and lead her back towards the resort, a quiet silence between us.

Not oppressive as it was when we were eating, but a lingering peace.

A serene smile on her lips as she gazes at the word, a hazy gold as the sun casts long shadows over the land.

We are nearly to the resort and I feel a sharp tug on my hand.

Rey has stopped moving and there is glimmer of fear in her eyes that I cannot comprehend where it is coming from.

"Rey what is it? Why have you stopped?"

Has she sensed something I did not?

Impossible, I can see the fatigued etched in her eyes, and I am wide awake.

"Ben...you're not leaving...are you?"

She's trembling and I am baffled by this change in her mood. Where was this coming from?

Why would she think I'm leaving?

"What are you talking about?"

"This day...it's almost evening...I don't want you to leave."

She is breaking my heart with her soft pleading...and just like that I understand her fear.

We have never spent more than day together, except for that one time on Pralis and she was gone the next morning.

I pull her into my arms, stroking her hair.

"Rey, I'm not leaving," As if anything could tear me from her side at this moment, "I will be here when you wake up."

Her arms come around me, her fingers gripping my robe as if she fears losing me.

Her head buried in my chest, still trembling.

"For how long?"

Her voice is barely above a whisper, the ache in it almost more than I can stand to hear.

I will do anything to soothe her fear, her worry.

I remember her saying that Maz had left for another city and it gives me an idea.

"When did Maz tell you she would return?"

"Three days from now."

If she left for that long a period...then that means that Rey must also be staying for that long a duration.

Three days is nothing to me.

"Then I will stay until she returns."

She lifts burning eyes to me and I am caught in their fire.

"You promise?"

A poignant question, filled with such pain and I remember all the broken promises of my own childhood.

We are so much alike, she and I.

I will not be another broken promise in her life.

I trace the shape of her brow where it is furrowed in worry, sliding down the silk of her skin where trembling lips await my response.

"I promise Rey."

A shudder from her and the tension drains away and I recapture her hand and we resume our walk back.

A lone figure stands at the entrance, as if expecting us.

The Nymeira in her tranquil state.

For once I am glad to see them.

"Did you enjoy your walk, Master Jedi? Mistress Jedi?"

Rey nods her head, nearly falling over if not for my closeness.

"It was," a yawn interrupts her words, "wonderful."

So wonderful that she was practically asleep where she stood.

Enough of this.

"See her back to her room, she is need of rest."

Rey looking up at me, confusion in her eyes.

"You're not coming with me?"

She was made to torment me, I swear it.

Does she not understand what she is asking of me right now? Does she truly believe that if I went with her, alone to her room, that she would find rest in my arms?

A bloom of color across her skin, she has finally understood the implication of her words, but she doesn't turn away from me.

I see it there...that shy anticipation from this morning when she told me we were alone.

I thought the crucible I faced in order to the lead the Knights of Ren was my ultimate test of strength and control.

I was wrong.

This is.

"You need rest," something you will _not _find if I go with you now, "go with the Nymeira."

The shyness recedes to soft confusion and I hasten to reassure her.

"I will see you when you wake."

She looks troubled by my refusal and I don't want her to think I will ever stop desiring her.

I lean down and press my mouth to hers, lightly, because anything more will break my resolve to not simply take her in my arms and be done with this constant torment.

I lift my mouth when I feel her open beneath me and see the flush of desire in her eyes.

I cannot help but trace her kiss, swollen lips with my finger.

"Go Rey, I made you a promise." I would sooner be run through by my own saber than leave her now, "Believe me."

A soft, near inaudible sigh an she steps away from me.

One last, lingering glance from her as the Nymeira step forward to lead her away.

"I do. Get some rest too. You've had just as long a day as me."

I watch the wind dance the ribbons and pearls in her hair, the sun caress her with such loving devotion, the soft glow in her eyes.

There is no rest to be found in me, not with my hearts desire being lead away.

She turns from me, the Nymeira a gentle guidance on her arm as another joins her, and I watch with ardent longing, my hands clenched by my side.

"Breathe," I tell myself harshly, "You still have three more days with her. No need to rush."

But I know I will be counting every minute, every hour, that she is away from me.

I turn away and begin a trek back to my ship.

There is much to be done before these three days end.


	37. Chapter 37

**Author's Update**: So I've been writing this particular chapter since I started the arc. I tried writing and rewriting it to fit the rating...and it never sounded the way it was meant to. So, I give this warning to all reading. This chapter has an **M **rating. As in **Mature, Adult Content. **If you enjoy high citrus with your romance, this will make your day. If you do not, I suggest you skip it. Again, you have been warned,** this is for adults.**

**Disclaimer**: I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **So...how was it? Too much? Not enough?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I tremble when his darkness_

_sweeps over me, the strong_

_allure of the unknown pulls_

_me in his direction._

_Seduced by the sweet scent_

_of destruction. I lose_

_myself in his arms. I_

_give myself to the night."_

-Christy Ann Martine

Rey

_Now..._

I awoke feeling refreshed, alive with energy that made me wonder if I had slept longer than I intended.

My first thought was of Ben. Was he awake, waiting for me? Or did he find rest like I told him to find?

I move out of the bed, the cool feel of sheets sliding against my skin a pleasure I did not know was possible until now.

The crumpled silk of my clothing rustles as I move, reminding me that I hadn't even bothered to change before my head hit the pillows.

I remember soft fingers touching my head, removing the ribbons and pearls so I didn't accidentally choke myself in sleep.

The Nymeira, so gentle and thoughtful, I wonder where they are now. My room is dark, the panel shutting out the light and I touch it to brighten my room.

The sun is barely a glimmer int the sky. The moon a crescent disk just ascending.

The land no longer golden but shadowed with starlight.

"I...how long did I sleep?"

The sun had been setting but surely I couldn't have slept that long.

"Fifteen hours."

I turn at the sound of the Nymeira...and stop and stare.

These Nymeira were not the ones I remember. White hair has turned the color of the night sky, so dark a black it has a blue sheen. Skin like alabaster, no longer tawny.

But it is the eyes that startle me. Not the muted gray of the storm, but an endless field of stars with neither iris nor pupil.

"Who...who are you?"

"The Nymeira."

"But...you don't look like the Nymeira."

"That was day, this is night."

"I...I see."

I remember being told that they were elemental beings, tied to the Force and to this world, so perhaps they shifted as the world shifted.

I was going to have to think about that...later.

Something else has caught my attention more than their changed appearance. I could hear...music.

I drifted as if in a dream and the Nymeira opened the doors to my balcony and the music was clearer now. Haunting, sensual, it tugged at my soul in a way that made me long for Ben, to be by his side.

"What is that...music?"

"The Lover's Dream has begun."

"The..the what?"

"A rare music that appears at random and only when the last light of the sun crosses into night."

It was calling me, this music and I felt the hands of the Nymeira tug me back inside.

"We must get you ready."

"For what?"

"To dance as lovers do."

But I was already dressed, except the silk was crumpled where I had slept.

What else was I to wear except...

"Where did that come from?"

A gown hung on a hook next to the table and mirror the Nymeira had used to dress me in the afternoon.

A gossamer gown that seemed to shimmer like water in the moonlight. I touched the fabric, layers and layers of transparent silk.

It slid through my fingers, a sensual pleasure that had me stroking it repeatedly.

The Nymeira again, their fingers helping shed the other clothing until I stood naked, the shadows deepening as the remnants of the sun faded.

I no longer felt uncomfortable with them dressing me and they pulled the shimmering gown over and around me.

Hands in my hair, brushing and combing until it fell in rippling waves and they moved to pin it up.

"No, leave it down," I can feel their pause like a question in the air and a smile touches my lips unbidden, "he likes it loose."

"Who Mistress Jedi?"

"Ben. My lover."

The words came out before I had time to think about the implication, but somehow I knew them to be true.

We had not made love, not physically, but in every other way he was my lover.

"Then it will be as you wish."

The tips of my hair brushed the back of my shoulder blades, it was getting longer now, and the Nymeira nestled crystal pins into it so that when I moved they chimed like glass.

It was a lovely touch and I felt different.

Sensual, warm and alive in a way that I have never felt.

The music is stronger now, calling to me with every beat of my blood.

"Is he awake? The Master Jedi."

"Yes, he has roamed the halls for hours now."

Somehow I knew he wasn't sleeping and this night...the splendor of the rising moon, the haunting notes in the wind, it was meant for us.

Just the two of us.

"I'm going to him...I won't need your assistance for the rest of the night."

"As you wish, Mistress Jedi."

I left the room, the dress so light I felt as though I wore nothing but mist on my skin and went in search of the man who held the other half of my soul.

I needed no lights this time, no endless searching. I simply thought of him and it was like an invisible cord had attached itself to me and pulled me in his direction.

I was closer now to where I had first arrived, the arched hallway with the crystal dome and the pillars that draped flowers likes veils.

But it was different here, in the fading light. Shadows muting the vibrant colors to dreamlike haze.

Except for the glow of runes that reminded me of the hidden temple Ben and I found deep in the woods.

I moved as if in a trance and placed my fingers on the glowing marks.

The wall slid back silently, a concealed room revealing itself.

Ice and rain sweeping over me, touching me in hidden places that now burned where it once only smoldered.

My skin felt tight, my breath quickening as I stepped through the doorway, in search of my elusive lover.

Moonlight dappled the ground and I could scent an evocative flower, familiar to me...and it took me a moment to realize it was the same scent I used when I bathed.

Lush flowers of blooming darkness, hearts like burning amethyst, all around me.

I touched fingers to velvet petals, inhaled the scent and felt giddy with it.

"How beautiful...what are you called I wonder?"

" The 'Night Empress'."

Caressing darkness, sensual with a hint of cruel pleasure that made my blood turn molten, heat flowing deep inside of me. His voice wrapped around me, merging with the dark music that had me forgetting about the flower altogether.

"Ben."

Could he hear the longing in my voice, the desire that beat fiery wings with every breath I took.

"Rey...your gown..."

I could hear him...but not see him. He blended well with the shadows and fleeting moonlight and I moved closer, my gown a whisper on stone.

"Can you not hear the music Ben?"

A pause, the world holding its breath I thought, and he answered.

"I can."

"The Nymeira call it the Lover's Dream. Ben...will you dance with me?"

A ripple in the shadows and he's there, barely a meter from where I stand.

He has cast off the high-neck tunic, his skin gleaming in the shadowed light.

The robe flows over him like dark wings, a midnight prince that I called to wake.

"Give me your hand."

Eyes of velvet darkness staring at me with haunting possession, his voice thrumming with desire and he does nothing but stand there with his hand extended to me.

The crystals the Nymeira put in my hair chime like glass as I tremble before him and the dark spell he is casting over me.

My fingers slide into his, the feel of his body a kiss of heat as he pulls me into his embrace.

His hand through my gossamer dress at the base of my spine is like a brand.

I look up into his eyes, drowning eyes, and I feel the brush of his soul to mine.

"I...I don't know how to dance."

"I do. Let me show you how well you fit in my arms."

He moves his body in time with the music, brushing up against me and I am lost in him.

We glide over the floor, my dark lover and I and all the world is lost to me.

There is only him. His burning eyes that never leave my face, the feel of his strength moving me with sensual grace that makes me feel as though he is making love to me, not dancing.

My hand is buried in the silk of my dress, the other he moves upward until my fingers tangle in his hair, my breasts brushing up against his chest, we are so close now.

He is seducing me with his eyes, with his every touch and I am falling and don't care where I land anymore.

"Rey."

My name a whispered prayer on his lips, a yearning so deep I feel it in my bones.

"Kiss me Ben...please."

His mouth on mine and I cannot tell if we are still dancing. I don't care, there is only his mouth, his breath stealing mine, the fire between us.

Lips melding...his hand molding me...the heat of his body leaving scorching trails of fire deep inside me...

A breath, our lips parting...did he know how much he devastated me with those burning eyes.

"I want to make you mine."

A ragged confession from him, pupils dilating and I feel drunk on his words.

"Yes."

I pull his mouth back to mine, shaping my answer over his lips again and again.

"Yes, Ben, yes. Make love to me. I'm yours."

There was no reason to wait, to hold back, he is everything to me now.

A sweep of his arms and I am weightless, cradled against his chest as he holds me close, carrying me out of here.

I am drunk on his scent, my mind reeling and my lips find his jaw. His skin is smooth, except for the scar I gave him and I flick my tongue over that mark as well.

His fingers bite into me, a pleasurable pain that makes me nip at his jaw.

"Rey...if you keep that up, I am not going to make it out of this hallway."

I nestle closer in his arms, the heat of his body burning me alive and I need more.

"You're the 'Master Jedi'," I purr softly as I nip kisses along his neck, a chocked sound out of him, "you'll find a way to get us back to a room."

He turns his head, capturing my mouth and I dig my nails into his robe, wishing it was his skin.

His tongue, tangling with mine, leaning up against the wall as his fingers stroke the side of my breast through the sheer fabric.

The feel of his hand, I moan into his mouth, rubbing against him and we are off the wall, his strides no longer a slow pace.

He moves his mouth from mine, black fire in his eyes as he moves with purpose. My lips find his throat again, the taste of his skin better than any food they offered me here.

I feel as though I have been starving for this man my entire life.

He stops and it takes my pleasure drunk mind a minute to understand that we've arrived.

He is looking at a door and I laugh.

"That's not my room," I twist my head and look over his shoulder, "my room is behind you."

"This is my room."

I blink at the door in front of us...and realize that Maz had put our rooms across from one another.

All that time searching for him and he was right in front of me.

We look at each other, sparks dancing along my skin at the voracious _want _in his eyes and I no longer care what room he takes me to.

"Pick one," I whisper as my lips find his skin, "and be quick about it."

He turns to my door, it slides open without a touch and I cross the threshold in his arms.

My bed is draped in moonlight, the sun chased from the sky as candles are dimly lit in the carved walls, letting off a sweet fragrance as shadows dance around us.

The door slides close behind us and now we are alone, just he and I.

Slowly he lets go until my feet touch the ground but my arms are still around his neck.

I look up at him, feel him tremble in my embrace and I slide my hands from his neck to cup his face.

"Ben," his name a prayer on my lips, "touch me."

His mouth to mine, his hands a pressure on my body as he shapes my curves with loving slowness and now I am the one who trembles before him.

His mouth leaving mine, stepping away and I am cold, bereft of his warmth.

"Ben?"

A shudder from him as he stares at me with those fathomless eyes.

"Just...stand there. I want to look at you."

I don't know why he's asking this...but the plea in his voice is one I cannot deny and I do as he asks.

The moonlight filters through the lens of the glass, casting him in shadowed light, the appearance of a dark god before me.

His eyes roam over me, travel with such deliberate slowness over my body that I feel as if he stripping me naked without touching me.

My body burns beneath his aroused stare and I blush and tremble and turn away, unable to look at him any longer.

"Why do you look away from me?"

His voice, seducing me half out of my mind, wrapping me in darkness and I tremble all the more for it.

"I...Ben..." I turn back to look at him and watch as he drops to one knee. My hands to my throat.

"Ben...what are you doing?"

"How can I stand with the eyes of my Empress on me. Tell me what you want I will give it to you."

Oh gods, if he did not own my soul before, I give it to him now.

I move towards him, his piercing eyes looking up at me as I cup his face.

"You," I tell him, our lips only a breath apart, "I want only...you."

"Then claim me."

His mouth is mine...drawing him to his feet until I rise on tips of my toes to reach him.

I feel the beating of his heart, the race of his pulse and I want more.

My fingers in his hair, his hands digging into my hips and my legs hit the back of the bed.

I don't remembering moving and I don't care. I need him, all of him. He told me to claim him and I intend to.

My fingers travel down his face, find the edges of the robe he wears and I push it off of him with impatience.

I want to feel his skin next to mine, the strength of body that haunted my dreams since that day on Luke's island so long ago.

The sound of cloth hitting the floor and my fingers no longer touch fabric. Smooth, male skin beneath my questing hands now.

A groan from his mouth and I steal that away as well.

I lift my mouth from his, a dazed look in his eyes and I am well pleased with myself.

If I am to fall then he will fall with me.

"Rey." The throb of desire coating his voice is almost too much for me and then his mouth on mine and I'm on the bed, his body covering mine.

I can feel his weight on me and I am restless with want of him.

I need him, I cannot wait any longer. My legs curving around his, the silk of my dress a barrier between us.

His fingers in my hair as I sink into the lush softness of the bed, my hands roaming over his bare skin.

His mouth on my neck, his hands sliding the gossamer fabric from my body. I feel the touch of cool air on my heated skin, feel my nipples harden because of it.

"Ben...Ben..."

I writhe beneath him, his mouth touching the hollow of my throat, following the path his hands are making as he diverts me of my dress.

His body no longer on mine, lifting off of me and cry out with the loss of him.

Obsidian eyes fixed on me as he teases the fabric down to my hips and I lift them until I am dressed in nothing but the silk between my legs.

I feel the sweep of heat over my skin under his lingering gaze and watch his lips curve upward.

"Ben...please..."

"Please what?"

Teasing laughter in his voice and I'm shaking with desire as I hold out my arms to him.

"Touch me, come back to me."

"Your every wish. My command."

His mouth on my body, his fingers needing my breasts and I cry out in shocked pleasure.

"Not yet...but soon."

His mouth on my skin and I don't understand his words. A lips tugging at my nipple and my fingers bury in his hair as my body arches beneath the lightning in my veins.

Oh gods, what is he doing to me?

His mouth traveling down my stomach, kissing and nibbling with such focus I'm drowning in my own desire.

I rub my legs against his, the silk of his pants an unbearable friction.

His mouth at my hips and I'm tossing my head, no longer able to reach him.

"Ben...Ben...what are you...oh!"

His fingers on the scrap of silk and it is gone, sliding down my legs until I am completely naked.

"I want to taste you."

My eyes widen and the he presses him mouth between my legs and I lose the ability to think.

I can only feel. His mouth, hot against my flesh, trembling as liquid heat spills to the center of my body.

"Ben...oh gods...Ben..."

My body is too tight, heat blazing in me as he continues to feast on me. My body arching beneath his, the sheets balled in my fingers as I try to hold on.

The touch of his teeth on that bundle of nerves between my legs and stars explode behind my clenched eyes.

"Ben!"

Ripples of pleasures bow my back and I scream his name as I feel his fingers dig into my hips, keeping me in place as hot liquid pours from my body.

I drop, boneless back onto the bed as he lifts his head from between my legs.

His mouth has destroyed me and yet my endless ache for him as not abated.

The dark gleam of his eyes leaves me restless and I reach for him.

"Come here, I want to touch you."

He moves over my body and his mouth is on mine, I can taste myself on his lips and desire digs hooked claws into my skin.

My nails dig into his back, my sensitive body rubbing against his.

"You're...wearing...too much...clothing."

His weight from mine, the sound of cloth hitting the floor and before I can blink he is covering me again.

His mouth capturing me, our fingers entwining as he pushes them above my head.

I can feel his arousal pressed between my legs and I moan in utter delight at the feel of him.

His body hovering over mine, the tip of him pressed against the slick folds of my body.

"Ben," I gasp, "stop teasing me!"

"Rey," a groan in his voice, "this will hurt."

"I don't care." I wrap my legs around his waist, "just make me yours. I want to feel you, _all _of you."

I lift my head off the bed, press my lips to his trembling body.

"Please," I whisper across his skin, "haven't we waited long enough?"

I was going to die if he didn't move.

His fingers break free, wrapping around my hips and his mouth slams down on mine just as he enters me with a single, smooth thrust of his body.

I scream into his mouth as his body sheaths itself completely inside of me. The pain is a bright shock to my mind and I cannot think.

Hands stroking my hair, my face and I open my eyes to the black flame of his.

"Rey," he's trembling, holding himself so still as to give me time to adjust to him. "It's alright. I'm here."

"Ben," my mouth to his and the pain begins to fade away, the rush of pleasure coming back over me, "oh gods Ben...you feel..."

"I know...I feel it too."

I tilt my hips to him and I watch him grit his teeth, beads of sweat dotting his brow.

"Rey...you're killing me."

"Shut up and kiss me."

His eyes dilate as his mouth find me and slowly...tortuously, he begins to move inside of me.

My nails score his back, my legs rubbing against him. I wrench my mouth away from his.

"I'm not going to break. Please Ben..._please..._"

"I'm...trying...not," a flex of his hips have us both gasping, "to...hurt you!"

I lock my legs around his hips and _pull. _His body slams into mine and we both cry out in pleasure.

"Do I sound," I can barely form a sentence, I'm drowning in him, "in pain!"

His fingers tangle in mine, his mouth branding me and now he's moving.

Sliding in and out of me until I'm writhing beneath him, that unbearable pressure building inside of me, faster and harder than before.

"Rey...gods, Rey..."

"Ben, yes..._please don't stop._"

His hands crushing my hair, my nails leaving a trail down his back and I swear I'm dying in his arms, my body climbing higher with each thrust of his body.

"Rey...so close..."

"Yes...oh gods Ben...I can't..."

The waves crash over me, splintering me from the inside out and I cry out his name, feeling my soul break free.

"Rey...look at me."

Frantic need in his voice and I open my eyes, colliding with his and the orgasm rips free from me, I can feel him spilling into me at the same time.

I feel the kiss of soul against mine.

"I love you Rey...I love you..."

Tears spill from my eyes as he buries his head into my neck.

"I love you Ben. I do, I love you."

All I ever wanted was his love. All I ever needed was him.

Finally, we were one and I never wanted to leave his arms.


	38. Chapter 38

**Author's Note**: So if you read the previous chapter then this one should not be as shocking, however I do have to reiterate the warning. This chapter goes beyond the **T **rating and straight into **M. **As in **Mature, Adult Content. **High citrus content. Again if you like more zest with your romance, this should make your day. If not, do not proceed.

**Disclaimer**: I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **So...more like this? One time deal? How did I do?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_He brought her mouth_

_to his and said,_

_'I am going to kiss you_

_until the only name_

_you will ever taste_

_is mine'."_

-N.

Ben Solo

_Now..._

I watch as the sun sets, casting glowing embers on the land as the moon rises in his wake.

Silvered shadows now bathe the land, dreamlike and without substance. I have walked these halls for hours, unable to find peace.

Rey has slept on and the Nymeira have yet to tell me when she will awaken.

Her absence from my side, after the day we spent together, has left me restless in a way I have never felt in my entire life.

I could ask the Nymeira what room she sleeps in, go to her side and slip between the sheets, knowing she would not turn from me.

But I don't.

I will not go to her room uninvited, without her consent.

Dangerous thoughts.

I turn away from them.

Instead retreat to mine and strip off the layers of clothing, the tunic suddenly suffocating as I slide the robe back on.

Better, but I am still restless and the room only reminds me of my solitude.

My wanderings have taken me back to the arch where the ancient Jedi inscription is written.

I have most of it deciphered in my waiting.

_"My heart walks in Beauty and in Darkness I wait for Beauty to awaken me."_

It is more than a little disturbing to admit how much of Anakin Skywalker's words resonate within me.

I touch my fingers to the runes and the concealed panel slides away and cross into this hidden room.

The scent of the Night Empress washes over me and I feel my soul breathe lighter since Rey left my side.

Moonlight dances motes in the air, the last hint of sun giving the flowers a faint luminescence as I touch velvet petals, my mind envisioning Rey laying in _my _bed, these dark petals covering her lovely skin.

I shake my head away from such thoughts, my blood heating with renewed desire.

I am only torturing myself with this need I cannot sate.

Strands of music in the air, poignant and haunting. I was told we were alone here, so where is it coming from?

I walk the room, the notes flowing and ebbing like a tide and I cannot find what is creating it.

A tug on my soul and I stop...listening.

Sunlight in my blood, the thrum of desire and I am lightheaded with sudden ache in my flesh.

What is it now?

I hear the slide of the panel opening again and soft footsteps in the distance.

Have the Nymeira come looking for me? I quicken my pace, thinking something has happened to Rey.

But it is not the Nymeira...that lilting voice belongs to only one person who has the ability to command my soul.

Rey.

I turn the corner...and I forget myself completely.

She stands there just beyond the doorway and I watch as dying sunlight jealously tries to catch her attention by bathing her in radiance.

Her hair ripples with notes of fire, soft and flowing in a way she never allows.

My Rey is wearing a gown, so gossamer fine that I can see the lush curves beneath it outlined clearly.

Floating, silken fabric like breaking waves or the night sky, spilled starlight across her skin.

My body clenches hard at the sight, lust a rising tide in my blood.

The tenor of the music changes, no longer poignant, but sensual...inviting.

"How beautiful," I hear her murmur, "what are you called I wonder?"

Delicate fingers caressing velvet petals and I can no longer be silent.

"The 'Night Empress'."

Her head lifts at the sound of my voice, eyes widening and her lips curving but she cannot see me.

"Ben."

Does she know how she calls me in _that _tone. An ache of desire to match my own, yearning etched into ever curve of her body as she moves with sensual grace that leaves me breathless with _want_.

That dress she wears, moonlight rendering it transparent to my eyes as the last of golden light vanishes.

An erotic sight, meant to bring about only a single thought.

Seduction.

"Rey...your gown..."

It is well that night is falling and we are the only ones here for I would kill any other male who had the misfortune to lay eyes on her.

The glow of amber seek mine, the brush of fabric against stone.

"Can you not hear the music Ben?"

How could I not hear the rise and fall of that beguiling melody that called to my blood.

Whispering seductive words in my ear.

"I can."

"The Nymeira call it the Lover's Dream," a tremble in her voice, soft pleading, "Ben...will you dance with me?"

Her words...as if some unseen deity had heard my darkest wish and placed it upon her lips.

To have her seek me out...to ask me to hold her in my arms.

I move out of the shadows so that she no longer has to search for me.

"Give me your hand."

Fractured amber stare into me, the crystal nestled in her hair chime a soft melody as she trembles beneath my gaze.

I die in her silence, only to be reborn.

Her fingers sliding across mine, she glides into my arms.

Thus she is entwined in my embrace, silken fire and shattered starlight.

I feel the kiss of her soul against mine when she lifts her eyes to me.

"I...I don't know how to dance."

A whispered confession from her lips and I am undone.

"I do," I press her the curve of her body closer to mine, my mind ablaze with unchecked desire, "Let me show you how well you fit in my arms."

The music comes in like a wave, drowning us both as I move her in my arms, pliant and willing as I sweep her across the floor.

I see the light of the galaxy in her luminous gaze. She looks at me as if I were already her lover and that is what she is to me.

Every step, every turn of her body against mine I make love to her. Let her feel how much I want her, how ardent my desire only she can sate.

She buries her fingers in the fabric of her gown and I am jealous of that touch and I lift her other hand to my neck, feel her fingers bury in my hair.

I touch the base of her spine, pulling her so close I can feel the hard nipples of her breasts brush across my chest.

I will seduce her with all that I am. Let my body speak all the eloquent words that my voice cannot.

The music has stopped and there is only anticipating silence in its wake.

"Rey."

I will not hide the ache I feel for her, I will not run from the fire she burns in me with each destructive touch of her hand.

"Kiss me Ben...please."

I take her mouth, take every breath she offers to me and give her mine in return.

I thought to seduce her yet that yearning 'please' from her lips and she is the conquer of my soul.

My hands follow the smooth curve of her spine, pressing her to me, I will burn in her scorching fire.

Lips parting...breath mingling...she has ravaged my soul as I open my eyes to her fractured light.

"I want to make you mine."

A part of me dies every time I release her back to another. I want to be so tangled in her soul that she will never be free of me.

"Yes."

Her mouth on mine, stealing the life from my body and I feel her shape words that shatter my world.

"Yes, Ben, yes. Make love to me. I'm yours."

I am drunk on her answer, my world in fluctuation.

Finally..._finally _she has consented to be mine.

Mine and mine alone.

I sweep her up in my arms, cradling her body. I will not give her time to second-guess her answer.

There is no more reason to wait, to deny this connection between us any longer.

She is everything to me. She has been from the moment I met her.

Her lips find my jaw, the brush of her mouth only making the flames in my blood burn hotter.

She is destroying me every caress and I feel the tip of her tongue stroke the scar she gave me and I dig my fingers into her skin, nearly dropping her.

The sharp nip of her teeth and a red haze settles over my eyes and I have to lock my legs.

"Rey," her name both a curse and ardent prayer on my lips, "if you keep that up, I am not going to make it out of this hallway."

Her answer is rub her body against mine, as if she would crawl into my skin.

"You're the 'Master Jedi'," a throaty purr that leaves a heavy heat inside of me and her teeth on my neck is nearly my complete undoing, "you'll find a way to get us back to a room."

Gods, the tantalizing tease of her voice is driving me to me madness and I turn my head just as she lifts up her head and I capture her mouth in a brutal kiss.

Her tongue touches mine with a boldness unlike our previous melding and I feel her nails dig through my robe.

My body slams against the wall as she reduces my will and my fingers find the soft, swell of her breast and I cannot resist the urge to stroke her pliant body in my arms.

A low, needy moan from her mouth and I can taste her desire and I need her.

Now.

I am off the wall, her mouth still clinging to mine and I release her so that I can make short work of this walk.

Her mouth finds the hollow of my throat, a thrum of pleasure from her and I swear she is doing this deliberately to test the strength of my resolve to get us to a room.

There, the corridor that marks my quarters.

I stop and Rey lifts her head from my throat and I find that I don't want her mouth away from me after all.

Laughter coats the air and I am drunk on the rich sound of it.

"That is not my room," she twists so that she can look behind me, "my room is behind you."

It takes me more than a few seconds to comprehend her words.

I wasn't searching for her quarters, I was looking for mine.

"This is my room."

I realize just how deep a game Maz is playing with us.

She put us across from each other...and then sent us in opposite directions, searching for one another.

I don't care. My _only _thought is for the woman in my arms.

The one who boldly stroked her tongue across mine, who put her mouth on me as though it was her right...which it was.

Our eyes lock as these thoughts chase themselves in my mind and I let them settle into my eyes and I feel the sparks scatter between us and see the blaze of color rush across her face.

"Pick one," again she sets fire to my skin with brush of her lips along my skin, "and be quick about it."

Her obvious need only adds fuel to the fire burning me alive but I know that there is only one time for this...and I want to do this right.

I turn and move us to her room. It will be easier in the morning if she wakes up in her bed, instead of mine.

At least for now.

The door opens before me and moonlight bathes her room silver as dimly lit candles dance shadows in carved notches in the wall.

Rey, cradled in my arms, I cross the threshold as the door whispers shut, the world down to just the two of us.

I have waited for this moment for so long...I set her down slowly, my body trembling with the _ache _that has never abated.

Not since the day we touched hands and I knew I wasn't alone anymore.

I can feel the soft press of her skin as her arms slide down to cup my face.

"Ben," does she know that she whispers my name with such loving sweetness, "touch me."

My mouth to hers, no longer brutal as I rein in my desire, my hands roaming the contours of her body.

I feel her tremble beneath my questing hands and I remember that all of this is new for her.

For me.

I have to know, I have to be absolutely certain that she wants this...wants _me. _

I break our kiss, the promise of her mouth, the sweet lushness that is just _her_ and step back.

Her eyes lift to mine.

"Ben?"

Such vulnerability...so soft and hesitant, yet I feel as though I am the one about to break.

"Just...stand there." Let me see if you truly want me,"let me look at you."

Questions in her eyes but she does as I ask and stands there, the moonlight caressing her with loving light.

How did I deserve her?

Ruby strands that gleam in soft sable by candlelight, fractured eyes that look at me with open desire and still I cannot turn away.

Lips plump and moist from my attention, her skin that begs to be touched. The moonlight turns her gown translucent and despite the subtle colors that evoke the sea and sky, I can see the soft swell of her breasts, the dark triangle between her legs.

She is without equal. The loveliest creature ever to grace the galaxy.

The crystals in her hair chime and I lift my eyes back to her face to see that she has turned away and is trembling.

But not from fear, the sweep of color across her skin speaks to me of her desire.

"Why do you look away from me?"

I watch the hollow of her throat move as she takes a deep breath.

"I...Ben..."

Fervent need burns through my name as she lifts glowing eyes to me and I see my future in her.

I drop to my knee before her, undone by that single, piercing look.

Her hand at her throat, she gazes at me with uncomprehending eyes.

"Ben...what are you doing?"

I have nothing to fight the alluring innocence of her voice and I don't try.

"How can I stand with the eyes of my Empress on me." She is the keeper of my heart, the conquer of my soul, "Tell me what you want I will give it to you."

Everything that I am, everything that I was, is hers.

She doesn't turn away from me but moves with a slow, evocative grace that would have dropped me had I been still standing and I swear I see the light of the galaxy as she bends to cup my face.

"You," her mouth a hairs breath from mine, "I only want...you."

"Then claim me."

Her lips, like nectar, brands me and I will never taste anything so divine again.

She sips from my mouth, teasing me, tasting me...drawing me to my feet until her fingers tangle in my hair, standing on edge to reach me.

Her body is next to mine and it is still too far away. I grasp her hips, pressing them into me and I feel her hit the end of the bed.

I told her to claim me and it is in her every touch, the breath in her lungs, the thrumming heat of her body that tells me I am hers.

Her fingers push impatiently at the robe covering me and I drop my hands from her hips so the cloth can slide away.

I want to feel her and her questing fingers sliding over my naked skin is almost too much to bear.

I groan into her mouth, unable to deny her what she will of me and she hums in pleasure at my surrender.

She pulls away and I am intoxicated by her, the scent of her skin, her breath on my body.

"Rey." I whisper her name like a fervid prayer and it is the only warning I can give her.

Whatever control I had is gone burned to ash beneath her gentle seduction.

Her mouth I take for my own, the cool silk of her gown a harsh abrasion against my sensitive skin as I press her into the bed.

Her leg curves around me, a sweet cage that I have no intention of leaving.

Her hair is a living weight in my hands as I crush the softness in my grip, her hands caressing and petting me all at once.

I feel the restless stir of her body beneath mine and feel the curve of a smile come to my mouth as I trail my lips down her satiny skin.

I have barely begun to show her what I will do to her.

I will have her whimpering my name before I am through.

Her dress is only a slight deterrent as I glide my hands along the seams, pulling the fabric from her body.

I watch with avid eyes as her body is revealed. Such smooth skin, the delicate stain of winter peach and I press my mouth to such rich temptation.

"Ben...Ben..."

I press a kiss to the hollow of her throat, her hard nipples rubbing against me and it is all I can do not to rush this, to sheath myself inside of her.

The gown snags between our bodies and I am impatient to have it gone. I only want one thing.

Her, naked and beneath me.

I lift my body and hear her cry of protest, swirling amber fixed on me.

I tug at the gown and she obliges me with a lift of her hips and there is nothing left between us.

Nothing...but that slight scrap of silk between her legs that makes my throat tighten in anticipation.

I turn my eyes upward, drinking her in.

Every curve, from her hip to the shallow dip of stomach and the lush swell of her breasts, a feast before me.

An adorable blush blooms on her skin and I watch with fascination as it travels down her body.

"Ben...please."

A needy cry from her lips, the restless arch of her body and I am the cause...and the cure.

"Please what?"

I cannot help but tease her, I live for the sound of her begging my name.

She hold out slender arms to me, fire crawling in her gaze.

"Touch me, come back to me."

As if I could resist such ardent words.

"Your every wish. My command."

I settle myself between her legs, cradled in their strength.

My fingers find her breasts, teasing the nipple and I feel liquid heat against my belly and hear her shocked cry of pleasure.

I am learning everything there is know about what pleases her.

"Not yet...but soon."

That rush of heat between her legs is only the beginning. I've barely started.

Her breasts capture my attention and she is so beautiful in her pleasure I indulge myself in her body.

Her fingers in my hair, a tight grip that only brings me more pleasure and a breathless moan from her mouth.

Her skin...I am addicted to the taste of her skin, to the moans I can elicit with the slightest press of my mouth.

I travel down the plains of her body, nip at the indent of her hip, a restless arch of her body and I settle her hips back into the bed.

I will taste all of her. I will not be denied.

I feel her sliding her legs against the silk fabric still covering me and she makes a frustrated noise but I am not done.

My lips touch the edge of that flimsy bit of covering between me and her body.

"Ben...Ben...what are you...oh!"

My fingers hook the edges and I leave her long enough to get the annoyance out of my way before I settle myself back between her legs.

The scent of her...its driving me mad with desire.

I have to taste her and I press my mouth to her center.

"Ben...oh gods...Ben..."

Sweet liquid on my tongue and the taste goes straight to my head. She is exquisite and I want everything she has to give me.

I feel her tremble in my arms, hear the sound of rustling sheets and I am far from done.

Licking, teasing, each time I flick my tongue at that small knot of nerves at her center, she comes further apart.

I want to shatter her.

My fingers dig into her soft skin and I use my teeth on that small, bundle of nerves where she is the most sensitive.

"Ben!"

She screams my name, her body rippling around me and I drink her offering, the sweetest wine on my lips.

Trembling, her breath ragged, I lift my head only when the tremors die down and I feel her go pliant beneath me.

She lifts her head, the tumble of her dark hair around her body an erotic sight and the words from her lips are filled with wanton desire.

"Come here, I want to touch you."

I am already moving to comply, feasting on her mouth, her nails scoring my back and I shudder with wracking pleasure at her claiming.

"You're...wearing...too much...clothing."

Each word from her mouth is a nip at mine, a sensual punishment and I divert myself of the last clothing that is a barrier between us.

The sigh of satisfaction from her lips is my reward.

I want that sigh for my own and I capture her mouth, fingers entwined as I push them above her head, giving me leverage as I hover over her body.

She moans into my mouth, the slick feel of her body pressed against mine and I hold onto my last sane thought with bone-grinding intensity.

"Ben," she gasps my name, "quite teasing me!"

As if I were to be so cruel as that.

We have come too far to turn back now.

"Rey," she arches her hips and I slip in just barely and I cannot stop the groan she elicits from me, "this will hurt."

"I don't care," desperation in her voice as she wraps her legs more securely around me, her heels locked together now, "just make me yours. I want to feel you, _all _of you."

Gods, that is all I want, to make her _mine. _

But I'm terrified of hurting her and I'm shaking with the need to claim her for my own...and my desire to not inflict pain on her.

She presses lips to my trembling body and takes the decision out of my hands with a few words.

"Please," sweet, whispered desire, "haven't we waited long enough?"

My control snaps and I yank my hands free, wrapping around her hips to lock her in place as I slam my mouth against her.

Her legs tighten instinctively against my aggressive move and I thrust myself into her body in one, smooth slide of skin against skin.

She screams into my mouth as I pierce her body, a hot, tight sheath that breaks beads of sweat down my spine in an effort not slide out and do it again.

Gods, she was so tight, so warm and I died there in her arms.

"Rey," she hasn't moved and I _will not _hurt her again, "it's alright. I'm here."

I brush sweat-soaked strands of hair from her face, willing her to respond to me.

"Ben," aching wonder I hear from her, "oh gods Ben...you feel..."

Like I've come home at last. That this was where I was meant to belong.

"I know...I feel it too."

Just then she arches her hips, sliding me deeper and tightening around me until stars burst behind my eyes.

"Rey...you're killing me." I was trying to be _gentle, _and she was trying her best to destroy me.

"Shut up and kiss me."

Tart words from her mouth and all I want to do is obey...she doesn't sound like she is in pain...but that scream from moments ago...

I kiss her mouth, testing her body as I slowly back out, I don't know if I can control myself again...

Her nails score my back and I just barely restrain myself from slamming back into her.

She wrenches her mouth from mine.

"I'm not going to break," pleading and demanding at the same time, "Ben..._please_."

She was going to be the death of me, I swear it.

"I'm...trying...not," her inner muscles clench around me and my hips flex instinctively causing both us to cry out in heated pleasure, "to...hurt you!"

"Do I sound in pain!"

No she did not, she sounded exactly the way I wanted her to sound.

Frantic for me, in need of what only I could give her.

I'm lost and I tangle her fingers back in mine, taking her mouth as I let go.

The feel of her body sliding against mine...the heat of her core wrapped around me...all of it building.

Her body writhing beneath me, her nails marking me and she is utterly mine.

"Rey...gods, Rey..."

I have never felt such pleasure, such loss of control as I do with her.

"Ben...yes, _please don't stop._"

I have no intention of stopping, I want to take us higher and this building pressure is driving me to go faster, to slide deeper.

Almost...there.

"Rey...so close..."

I could feel her soul brushing against mine.

Her arms crushing me to her, her legs a vice around my hips and her body begins to ripple, clenching hard against me.

"Yes...oh gods Ben...I can't..."

We're in free fall now and I want to tumble her out of the sky with me.

"Rey...look at me."

She opens them on my command and in that moment I feel the kiss of her soul to mine and that unbearable pressure locks my spine as I spill into her, words tumbling from my lips.

"I love you Rey...I love you..."

My body feels heavy, but my soul is weightless as I bury my face into the heavenly scent of her skin.

I feel warm wetness slide down and touch my skin.

"I love you Ben. I do, I love you."

Rey crying, telling me she loves me.

It is all I ever wanted from her, to know that she loves me.

This other half of my soul. This haven for my heart.


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's Note**: Something to brighten your Monday. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far and I am grateful for all of my devoted readers and to all who have just joined in! Enjoy this small interlude.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Yeah, you know the drill by now.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I love you with_

_a deeper love_

_than any human heart_

_has ever known._

_I love you with a soul_

_that has lived_

_a thousand lifetimes,_

_always waiting_

_to meet you again,_

_so I can promise_

_to be yours_

_forever."_

_-_Christy Ann Martine

Rey

I came back to myself, but slowly. He was still in my arms, still buried deep inside of me and I couldn't help but run my fingers through his sweat-damp hair, feeling the tears I shed drying on my skin.

My fingers trailed over his skin, finding the smooth places where his scars lay...I never knew until now how many he carried.

The candles continued to dance in guttered shadows, all the world asleep except for us.

His lips move across my skin and I sigh, pressing a kiss to his hair. He shifts and I gasp, the aftermath of our lovemaking causing me to tremble in his arms.

"Rey?" A lift of his head and I see something in his eyes that I only caught in fleeting glimpses.

Love.

Tears burn in my eyes, I thought his words...I thought I had imagined them.

His eyes widen as he cups my face, leaning over me, still connected.

"Are you hurting? I'm sorry I didn't mean..."

I press my mouth to his cutting off his apology.

Our tongues tangle, his hands stroking my hair and he is so tender with me, I have no more defenses against him.

I lift my mouth from his and lean my head against his, eyes closing.

"I love you Ben."

It is barely more than a whisper but I feel him shudder and something warm and wet splashes onto me.

I lift my he ad and watch the tears trail down his skin.

"Ben?"

I didn't know why he was crying but he was breaking me with them.

"I thought," his eyes are closed to me, his voice a ragged whisper, "I imagined you speaking those words to me."

His eyes open and I have never seen anything so beautiful as his love reflected in his dark, vulnerable gaze.

"You didn't," I whisper stroking his face, "I love you Ben."

The tears still fall but his smile, my heart constricts until I cannot breath, his _smile _is breaking over his lips without his normal reserve.

"I love you Rey. I will _always _love you. Only, ever...you."

He shifts and we both groan as he slides out of me.

"Please don't leave."

A soft laugh as he rolls over, taking me with him.

I nestle into his body, my hand stroking his chest, his arm curved around my waist.

"Did you think I would make love to you and then simply leave?"

"I...I don't know. Were you going to?"

Her turns his head, capturing my mouth and I sigh into him, feeling sore in places I didn't even know could feel that way, but content.

His mouth plays with mine, his hand stroking my spine, making my skin pebble at his touch.

He lift his mouth and I blink at the loss. I wasn't done kissing him yet.

Again, that _smile,_ unfettered and with such quiet joy I can only stare at him.

"How could I leave when we've barely begun?"

"I...there's _more_?"

My heart gave a leap at the thought of doing _this _all over again, but my legs felt like jelly and there was this languid feeling in my bones that made me not want to move.

The smile fades and he hesitates, something I rarely see him do.

"Unless...you don't want to. If you want me to leave I..."

I lean up and press two fingers to his lips, stopping him.

"Don't you dare leave," I tell him, my lips twitching,"and _yes _I want to...just I'm a bit sore so let me recover first."

He presses a kiss to my fingers, his eyes traveling over me...and just like that he goes motionless.

I look down...and see the smear of blood on my thigh.

I take a deep breath and blow it out.

Okay, so that explains the soreness.

I look up at him, the smile slipping away, shadow gathering in his eyes.

I pull my fingers from his lip so I can tilt his head back up to me.

"Don't pull away from me."

"But Rey, the blood..." and I shake my head at him not wanting to hear his apology.

"Stop it. I knew what was going to happen, I don't regret it. Do you?"

He gathers me in his arms, stroking my hair and covering my mouth with his.

Tender and gentle and I sigh, once more content to just be held by him.

"No sweetheart I don't. Never."

I bite my lip at the endearment from him. No one has ever called me anything but my name...and I feel my heart, that useless thing, turning to mush because of it.

A sigh from him as he sits up and I prop up on my elbows, watching the candlelight play over his skin.

"Ben? Where are you going?"

He's moving away from the bed, gathering up the robe he dropped at the foot of the bed.

He shrugs it over his body and I bite my lip in an effort to ask him to leave it off.

The man was gorgeous and I was more than happy to watch the shadows dance over his naked skin.

"I'll be right back." A look over his shoulder, his eyes once more lingering over my body and I cannot help the blush that steals over me.

Even after everything we've done I still feel shy when he looks at me with that heat in his eyes.

A sigh and I lift the sheet over my body as he disappears around the corner, running a finger through the tangles of my hair.

Ben comes back rather quickly from where he had gone, a peculiar look on his face.

"What is it?"

"What exactly did you tell the Nymeira?"

Well that was an odd question.

"I told them I was coming to see you," I hesitate and he lifts an eyebrow to me, patiently waiting for me to continue, "and that...I wouldn't need them for the rest of the night."

"That would explain it then."

I have no idea what he is talking about.

A soft chuckle at my bemused expression and he comes over to me, scooping me up in his arms, the sheet falling away.

"Ben!"

I grab onto his robe even as I wince when I move my legs.

I really hoped this soreness would have gone away by now.

"Don't worry, I'm not about to drop you."

I didn't think he was going to but I'm naked in his arms.

I duck my head, refusing to meet his eyes.

Soft laughter coats the air and I feel him press a kiss to my hair.

"Ben...where are you taking me?"

Not that I minded being in his arms...but I was more than a little confused at this point.

"To bathe."

"I don't think..."

But I stop as the door slides open and I can only stare at the bathroom.

There is a sunken pool in the middle of the room, the teal water covered in white petals as lazy spirals of steam drift upward.

The soft lighting is coming from the crystal dome where moonlight blends with the candles burning in notches along the walls.

"...that the Nymeira expected me to come back alone."

It seemed they were more than aware of the relationship between myself and Ben than I was.

I look up at Ben...and just glimpse that slash of color across his cheekbones.

It appear I am not the only one self-conscious about the Nymeira knowing how intimate we were.

Seeing his embarrassment somehow lessens mine and I reach up to trail a finger across his jaw.

He looks down at me, shadows flickering in his dark gaze and I smile up at him.

"Are you coming in with me?"

I look pointedly at the water already prepared for us.

"Do you...want me to?"

Again that hesitation from him...and I realize that all of this, us, is just as new for him as it is for me.

"Yes I do."

Gently he puts me on my feet and I stifle a groan as my muscles protest the movement.

"Rey..."

But I shake my head at him and move towards the steaming water.

"I'm sore," I repeat, tossing him a slight smile, "not injured."

I groan again, this time with pleasure, as the heat of the water seeps through my muscles as I wade in.

Already I could feel some of the ache receding.

I turn and he is still standing at the edge, arms folded as he watches me in the water.

I tilt my head to the side, my tangled mess of hair sliding over me, and smile at him.

"Don't stand there. Get in. There's more than enough room for both of us to get clean."

"Are you certain you want me with you?"

I roll my eyes at him, a teasing smile on my lips.

"Yes I'm certain. Look, I'll even turn around if you're feeling shy about undressing in front of me."

A soft growl from him and I laugh, turning around like I said I would.

I hear the sound of cloth hitting the ground, feel soft waves brush up against my spine as he enters the pool.

I swallow hard. The reason I turned around wasn't so much as to put Ben at ease...but because I wasn't sure if I could look at him and still control myself.

I found that where my will was concerned it didn't exist when I was in his arms.

"You can turn around now Rey."

"Um, actually, I think I'm good."

Dark laughter, more than a bit of teasing in it, and I feel the water ripple around me.

His fingers are on my neck, sweeping my hair away as I feel his lips on my skin.

"Mmmm..."

I lean back against him, tilting my head up as his arms come around me.

His mouth on mine, his body cradling me and I sigh in utter bliss as the heat of the water unlocks my stiff muscles.

I feel him pull away slightly, hear the amusement in his voice.

"You're suppose to be washing."

I keep my eyes closed, relaxing in his embrace.

"Uh huh."

Something coarse touching me and I open my eyes to see Ben rubbing my skin with a piece of cloth.

"This...this feels nice."

Strong hands rubbing soap over my arms, pulling my hair away to run down my neck and shoulders.

A kiss to my temple.

"Lean forward so I can do your back."

I'm already obeying, sighing as his I feel his hands on my skin.

His hands dip lower and I quickly grab the cloth from him.

"I...I can finish washing."

My words are breathless, the heat on my skin from more than just the water.

"If that's what you want."

A soft, sensual purr in his voice and I bite my lip. His voice needs to be illegal.

There is no way he can expect me to think straight when he does that.

I nod my head and keep my back to him as I quickly scrub the sweat and blood from my skin, feeling better.

I turn around, wondering if I can somehow blame the color on the water...and I am greeted with the broad, expansion of his back.

I suck in a harsh but silent breath.

The heat has made the scars stand out against his skin in vivid relief.

I move forward, my earlier shyness forgotten as my eyes take in each mark of his skin.

"Ben...these scars..."

He's washing his arms but stops at my quiet question. He doesn't turn around to look at me.

"Training, most of them."

Those didn't look like training...they look like he had been tortured.

None of them were large, but there were quite a few small, jagged ones that crossed his shoulder blades.

Deeper ones across the base of his spine and I counted at least six on each arm.

"Ben," I'm already behind him, my fingers touching a particularly nasty one on his back, "what happened to you?"

A sigh in his voice as he answers.

"In order to lead the Knights of Ren I had to prove my worth. I had to defeat all six of them in combat."

"One at time right?"

A shrug of his powerful shoulders, droplets of water streaming down his skin.

"No, not always. It would not have been much of a test otherwise."

At that moment I wish I could kill Snoke again. Slower and more painfully.

Even on Jakku I had heard about the 'Knights of Ren', the nightmares in the dark.

The traders who came to Jakku used to talk about how dying was more of a mercy than to be caught by a single Knight of Ren.

Ben had to fight all six of them.

How _dare _Snoke do that to him for his own twisted games.

I wrap my arms around him, pressing a kiss to his back.

I feel him startle but then his hands settle on my arms.

"It was a long time ago Rey."

I shake my head, holding him tighter.

"I don't care how long ago it was," I mutter, a dark fury coming over me at the agony he must have endured in order to survive, "you shouldn't have had to go through something like that."

"It was my choice."

Gently he pulls my arms away from him and turns so that we are now facing each other.

There is no anger in him, just a terrible acceptance of the life he had chosen and I bury my head against his chest.

I _hated _the fact that he was forced to go down this path of darkness. No one understood his humanity that he had to bury in order to survive.

"Rey," I lift my head up and he pushes wet strands from my face, "don't pity me."

"I _don't,_" I have to make him understand this, "I will never pity you Ben. You have too much strength for pity."

I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull his head down to me, needing the contact.

"But that doesn't mean I can't hurt for you," I brush my lips against his, "so don't ask me to stop."

His mouth finds mine, crushing me to him and I wrap my arms around him, wishing I had met him a lifetime ago.

Before the world turned their back on him.

Before my parents threw me away.

We pull away, his breathing harsh and mine not much better. I pick up the cloth floating in the water and without thought I begin to wash his chest.

"Rey..."

"No, let me do this." I look up at him, a fierce kind of longing in me to take care of him. "You have to let me do this."

A sigh and he lets his hands fall away as I continue to move the cloth over him.

I wish I could take away his scars, take back every awful word I said to him.

I remember telling him when we first connected that I knew everything about him.

How arrogant I was. I didn't know a damn thing about him, only my own assumptions.

I move around him, he's so tall, and I reach up to run the cloth over his back.

I press a kiss to each of his scars I can reach and feel him tremble.

"Enough."

He pulls away from me and I blink in surprise, I'm still holding up the cloth.

"I won't be able to stand if you keep touching me like that."

"I...oh!"

My lips twitch and I can't help feel a bit smug for that.

He shoots me a glare and I now I'm openly laughing at him. I watch with relief as the shadows leave his eyes.

I can't change his past...but maybe I can be a part of his future.

Our future.

A yawn escapes me and a gentle smile lifts his mouth.

"You need more rest."

I shake my head. "I slept for fifteen hours Ben, I cannot be tired again."

But I was, that languid feeling coming back over me.

"Then do it for me."

Puzzled I can only stare at him and he glides through the water back to my side.

"Let me rest in your arms Rey, please."

His hand lifts to my face and I press a kiss into his palm.

"As if I would let you go anywhere else."

I tug on his hand and we leave the sunken pool, standing beneath the drying vents as the water evaporates from our skin.

"Here."

The soft, glide of silk across my skin and Ben is wrapping me in his robe. I breath deeply, the scent of rain and ice surrounding me.

"Ben this is yours..."

He is already lifting me in his arms, the edges of his robe dangling from my legs as he carries me back to the bedroom.

"Ben," I laugh as I wrap my arms around him, "I can walk."

"I know, but I prefer carrying you. So I'm going to."

I roll my eyes at his arrogant words but that doesn't stop my smile from spreading as I lay my head on his shoulder.

I wasn't used to anyone wanting to take care of me, I've been alone for so long.

His sweetness flusters me but that's because it's a bit frightening how easily he has slipped into my life.

As if he was always meant to be here with me.

We've reached the bedroom...and we both begin to laugh in disbelief at the same time.

The bed is no longer rumpled, our clothing no longer scattered.

The candles have been blown out, moonlight tracing faint shadows over the walls and floors.

The Nymeira had come and gone while we were washing and neither one of us sensed it.

"Well...I guess they think of everything around here."

"So it would seem."

I was feeling warmer from the bath and stretched lazily when Ben settled me back on the bed.

I quickly stripped off his robe and handed it back to him, a curious look in his eyes.

I shrug my shoulder, playing with the end of my hair nervously.

"Seems silly for only one of us to be covered."

He moves away without another word to hang the robe up and I quickly get beneath the covers, leaving room for him to get into bed.

He stands where the shadows are deepest, just traces of moonlight across his skin that lets me know he is real and not some conjured dream of my mind.

"Ben," I cannot help the ache in me as I call out to him, "come here."

He moves slowly back to me and though I can feel the blush over my skin, I am still not used to him walking around nude, I don't turn my eyes away.

He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I hold out my arms to him.

Quietly he slips into bed, into my arms.

He gathers me next to him, pressing our bodies together and I sigh, the tension going out of me.

For a moment...I thought he was going to leave me.

A press of his lips to my forehead, my eyes closing.

"Sleep Rey. I'm here."

I pillow my head on his chest, snuggling deeper in his arms. Somehow I don't think I will have to worry about nightmares tonight.

"So am I," I murmur to him as I begin to drift, "you're not alone."

"Neither are you."


	40. Chapter 40

**Author's Note: **Update! Just a small interlude to get you through your week!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Like it? Hate it?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I don't ask you to love me_

_always like this, but I ask_

_you to remember._

_Somewhere inside of me there_

_will always be the person_

_I am tonight."_

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Ben Solo

I could barely bring myself to move, afraid I would lose this feeling buried inside of me.

A languid bliss, this deep connection to the woman who even now was stroking me lazily, her fingers gently combing my hair.

I press a kiss into her skin, replete in a way that I have never felt.

Only to remember that I am still on top, her body cradling my considerable weight.

I move to take the burden off of her and she gasps, her body trembling beneath mine but she doesn't sound in pain.

"Rey?"

I lift my head to look at her and once more I am undone.

Tousled hair, her lips swollen from my attention...and she has the softest glow in her eyes that is all for me.

Tears gather unexpectedly and I feel shaken, panic settling in me that I have harmed her somehow.

I reach up, touching her smooth skin, unwilling even now to break this intimacy between us.

"Are you hurting?" of course she is, I just pierced her body and none too gently, "I'm sorry I didn't mean..."

Her mouth finds mine, silencing me with that simple touch.

Sweet lips gliding over mine, insistent and I slip into her mouth, reveling in this new intimacy between us.

She pulls away startling me by leaning her head against mine, her breathing shallow.

"I love you Ben."

My heart, once nothing more than a lead-weight in my chest, stutters at her quiet declaration.

She has destroyed me with those few words as something inside of me breaks free and I can no longer hide from her.

A scalding heat trailing down my skin.

"Ben?"

"I thought," I can barely get the words out through the grip around my throat, "I imagined you speaking those words to me."

Does she know how long I craved to hear her utter those words to me? Such a simple thing, but not when you haven't felt the love of another person for more than fifteen years.

I open my eyes, whatever defenses I've managed to keep in place are laid to waste by the tender, glowing love in her eyes as she gazes at me.

"You didn't," feathered caress along my temple, "I love you Ben."

Her voice is stronger and I no longer believe that this is a construct of my mind.

I could never imagine, not in my deepest fantasy, the love I hear in her when she speaks my name.

I feel as if someone has taken the chains off of my soul and I can finally move, finally breath again.

"I love you Rey. I will _always _love you. Only, ever...you."

I watch as amber fractures into shimmering topaz, her smile holding such radiance the sun would have been jealous of her beauty.

I shift knowing I have to be crushing her and she hasn't said a word about it.

Groaning, her voice mingling with mine, as I leave the haven of her body.

"Please don't leave."

A wistful plea tinged with mild panic and I laugh at the absurdity of her words.

I roll over, taking her with me.

Even now I cannot let her go but she comes willingly into my arms, her fingers gliding over my chest as she pillows her head into my shoulder.

My arm is already curved around her waist, a gentle prison to keep her next to me.

"Did you think I would make love to you and then simply leave?"

As if it was that easy to share my soul with her...and then simply walk away as if nothing had changed.

"I...I don't know. Were you going to?"

I am mildly annoyed that she would even think such a thought and I turn, capturing her mouth as I stroke lazy fingers down her spine.

A soft sigh into my mouth, her body pliant in my arms and I forget my annoyance as heat once again burns low embers back through me.

I lift my mouth from hers, that dazed expression in her eyes and I feel my lips curving in satisfaction.

"How could I leave when we've barely begun?"

Now that I've got my breath back we...

"I...there's _more_?"

The shock in her voice, the sudden stillness in her body against mine throws cold water over the slow burn in my veins.

Perhaps I overestimated myself in her eyes.

"Unless...you don't want to," I thought she enjoyed my embrace but if she didn't, "If you want me to leave I..."

I would never force Rey into anything like this again.

She surprises me by leaning up and pressing her fingers to my lips, her eyes sparking wildly in the shadowed light.

"Don't you dare leave," a command if ever I heard one, "and _yes _I want to," fire in my blood but then I see her face become flush with color, "...just I'm a bit sore so let me recover first."

I am an idiot. Of course she needs time, I am just impatient to hold her again.

I kiss her fingers, about to tell her I will give her all the time she needs, even as I allow myself another view of her beautiful, sun-kissed skin...

A trace of red along her thigh and all thoughts of lovemaking vanish from my thoughts.

Rey, covered in blood that _I _caused.

I hear her sigh and I wait for her push me away.

I deserve it for hurting her and I cannot help the loathing that steals through me.

Her fingers leave my mouth and I wait for the recrimination but once again she takes me by surprise by capturing my jaw and turning my face back to hers.

"Don't pull away from me."

I blink at the hint of steel in her voice, in her gaze.

"But Rey, the blood..."

A fierce light flaring in amber as she shakes her head at me, forestalling my profuse apology.

"Stop it. I knew what was going to happen, I don't regret it." Sharp words but then I see the light slip from her eyes as a touch of hesitation reveals itself, "Do you?"

I have many regrets in my life, too many to count, but making love to Rey will never be numbered among them.

I gather her back into my arms, stroking the silky strands of her hair, kissing her mouth.

I could live to be a thousand and I will never stop desiring her.

I drink in her sigh, feel the taste of her love deep inside me.

I lift my mouth so that I can answer her question, quelling any lingering doubts in her mind.

"No sweetheart I don't. Never."

The endearment slips out of me and I see the shy pleasure alight in her gaze...just as a flicker of pain crosses her face when she shifts against me.

Since I am the cause of her pain I will take responsibility for easing it as well.

I am reluctant to leave her arms, even to do this small thing, but I must. I will not be able to sleep knowing that she is hurting.

"Ben? Where are you going?"

That lilting voice, the thrum of concern I hear and I have to strap some steel to my spine and force myself to get out of bed.

It would so easy to simply turn around and tumble her back into my arms, knowing she wouldn't resist.

I pull the robe I discarded on the floor over me, not because I am cold, but because of the tinge of heat I glimpsed across Rey's face as I moved out of bed.

We were intimate with each other now, but I doubt she is ready to see me walk around the room so casually undressed.

"I'll be right back."

I cannot help but look back over and drink in the sight of her.

Hair cascading down her shoulders, limpid eyes that still have that glow about them.

The sheet has pooled at her waist and I note the bright spots of color on her skin from my embrace.

My lips curve at the sight, more than satisfied that she wears the marks of my desire so vividly.

The blush that was just on her face intensifies and travels down her body and I quickly wrench my mind back to the task at hand.

Easing her pain.

Not wondering just how far that blush can travel.

I move out of the bedroom and head towards the bathroom. I am nowhere near qualified to be any kind of medical expert, but I do know quite a bit about easing sore muscles.

If I can get the water to a high enough temperature and if they have the right...

I stop as the door slides open and can only stare at what awaits me.

Well this was...unexpected.

It seems I was not the only one anticipating Rey having need of a midnight bath.

It makes me wonder about what awaited in my own sleeping quarters.

Just what had Rey told the Nymeira about us?

I shake my head, my task already prepared ahead of time, and go back to Rey.

She's sitting up, the sheet loosely wrapped around her body and I catch her running her fingers through her tousled hair.

She looks young and far too innocent for what we just experienced but I have no regrets.

She is mine. She will always, ever be mine.

"What is it?"

Mild curiosity and a slight lift of her brow and I remember what brought me back here so quickly.

That woman has a way of derailing all of my thoughts with a single glance.

"What exactly did you tell the Nymeira?"

To have the bathing area prepared in such a way...but I would not believe that Rey set out deliberately to seduce me until I hear it from her own lips.

Confusion on her face, no traces of dissembling as she answer my obscure question.

"I told them I was coming to see you," now she hesitates, her skin once more darkening with that becoming blush of hers, "and that...I wouldn't need them for the rest of the night."

So not a deliberate seduction...but I wonder if she realizes the implication of her words to the Nymeira.

Probably not.

"That would explain it then."

Laughter escapes me at the utter lack of comprehension on her face.

Before she can think I am laughing at her I walk over and pull her into my arms, her nude body warm against mine as the sheet falls away.

"Ben!"

Shock as I simply carry her away from the bed, her fingers grasping at my robe as her legs dangle over my arms.

Despite her toned muscles, the strength of her body, she is light in my arms.

"Don't worry, I'm not about to drop you."

I feel her pressing closer to me and I want to soothe her worries. The day I can no longer carry someone as light as Rey in my arms is the day I can no longer fight.

I look down at the woman in my arms...and note the heighten color on her face has reached the tips of her ears and she is resolute about not looking at me.

So she is still embarrassed about being naked in front of me.

I laugh and press a kiss to her hair, since she will not lift her face to me.

I have high hopes that I can soon get around this particular obstacle.

"Ben...where are you taking me?"

I suppose I can tell her now, though I had hoped to surprise her.

"To bathe."

We were just at the doors now.

"I don't think..." her words are tart but then she takes in a sharp breath as the door pulls back and reveals exactly what the Nymeira prepared in our absence.

The glow of the candles, the white petals that drifted on teal water as lazy spirals of steam heated the air.

Quite the intimate setting for what should have been a simple bath for a single occupant.

"...that the Nymeira expected me to come back alone."

Breathless words, a touch of startled wonder in her voice and I feel the heat scatter across my skin.

I am not ashamed to be with Rey...but I would have preferred to keep our relationship strictly to ourselves for a little longer.

The feel of her fingers along my jaw, a delicate caress that has me lowering my head to look at her.

She has that gleam of mischief in her eyes again and the blush on her skin has faded back to her normal color.

"Are you coming in with me?"

She turns her head to the pool and I cannot miss the significance of her question.

In truth the thought had not crossed my mind and her inquiry catches me by surprise.

"Do you...want me to?"

She is so shy around me and now that she has offered me the choice...there is nothing that I want more than to accept.

"Yes I do."

There is nothing hesitant in her response and I put her down, a soft whimper as she takes a few steps towards the water.

Perhaps I shouldn't have put her down after all.

"Rey..."

But she shakes her head at me and keeps walking, only stopping when she reaches the edge where the water laps gently at the stairs.

"I'm sore," she reminds me, an amused smile curving her lips, "not injured."

So she continues to claim but that whimper I heard didn't sound like something so simple as sore muscles.

I still remember the shock of seeing her blood so vivid against the pale skin of her inner thigh.

A groan from her lips but this time there is only pleasure in the sound...in fact, it was close to what she makes when I set my teeth to her neck.

I cross my arms, indulging my need to look at her.

She cavorts in the water, tossing her hair back and sliding arms that send soft ripples around the enclosed basin.

She turns to look at me and I watch as silken hair slides over wet skin, a playful smile on her lips.

A siren intent on drowning me.

"Don't stand there. Get in. There's more than enough room for both of us to get clean."

Teasing words as she moves backwards, as if to give me more room to join her.

She seems so happy...and I don't want to spoil her pleasure.

"Are you certain you want me with you?"

I'm still expecting her to point a finger to the door and tell me to leave so she can have some privacy.

I will admit I would be reluctant to go but I would do it to give her peace of mind.

A roll of her eyes in my direction, clearly she is tired of my questions.

"Yes I'm certain." Exasperation in her voice and again I see that gleam of mischief as she glances at me, "Look, I'll even turn around if you're feeling shy about undressing in front of me."

I cannot help the growl that comes to my lips at her taunt that _I'm _the shy one here and not her.

She has the temerity to laugh at me and suits actions to words and quickly presents me with her back.

Smooth, sun kissed skin that shimmers in the soft light as water trails a column down her spine.

I am already pulling the robe from my body, more than happy to be drowned by this particular siren.

The water hits my skin and it is hotter than what I expected and I have to bite back my own sigh of pleasure.

Perhaps there was something to be had of taking the simple joys that life had to offer.

The waves I create as I move towards her brush up against her skin but she doesn't move.

"You can turn around now Rey."

I blink, amused, as I see the tips of her ears turn a lovely shade of red.

"Um, actually, I think I'm good."

Breathless words from her, a trace of desire mingled with shyness that has me shaking my head in laughter.

Too late to change her mind now, I gave her ample opportunity to send me away.

The water trailing down her neck is too much of a temptation for me to resist and I cut through the water until I am right behind her.

If she will not come to me then I will have to go and get her.

I rest my fingers on the slim, column of her neck, brushing away strands of damp hair and give in to my desire.

Her skin tastes like minerals from the water, silken and warm beneath my mouth.

"Mmm..."

A tilt of her head to give me greater access as she leans back into my arms.

She tastes of heaven, pliant and warm in my arms and I cannot help but delight in her surrender.

My finger stroke her skin beneath the water and I hear the sigh leave her and I have to stop, least I forget the reason I brought her here in the first place.

I pull my mouth from her neck, but I cannot force myself to let go of her completely.

"You're suppose to be washing."

A gentle reminder of why we're here, but she seems disinclined to listen.

"Uh huh."

I look around, there, on the edge I see the cloth and other bathing supplies already laid out.

Well I did say I wanted to take care of her.

I reach for the cloth, pour a little of the soap into it and return to my lady.

She stirs as I begin to wash her shoulders and arms, marveling at how such a basic task brings me this much pleasure.

"This...this feels nice."

Yes it does and since she hasn't told me to stop, I continue my slow pace, making sure I don't miss a single spot on her skin.

A soft curve to her lips and I lean forward, pressing a kiss to her temple.

She is everything I have ever wanted but never thought to actually have.

"Lean forward so I can do your back."

A happy sound and she is quick to obey my words.

Her skin is unimaginably smooth and I cannot help but trail my hands over each, soft curve I find.

My hands dip below the water line, following the curve of her hips and just like that she is grabbing my hands.

"I...I can finish washing."

She is tugging the cloth from my fingers and though I let her take it, I am find I am not exactly pleased to let her take over the task.

"If that's what you want."

She trembles in my arms and quickly steps away from me, a silent nod of her head and still she refuses to look at me.

I heave a silent sigh and realize I have pushed my luck as far as it is going to go with her right now.

I step back and pick up the other cloth, turning around to give her a moderate amount of privacy as I begin the task of scrubbing the sweat from my skin.

Ripple around me and a soft splash of water, as if something had just fallen.

"Ben...these scars..."

The quiet horror in her her voice has me pausing my own ablutions and I steel myself for the disgust that I know it sure to come.

"Training, most of them."

I manage to keep my emotions in check as memories filter in. Training is what Snoke called it.

I called it surviving.

"Ben," an ache in her voice I don't understand and I feel the press of her fingers to my back, touching one of the scars near the base of my spine, "what happened to you?"

_Cruel laughter...turning as smoke fills my eyes, burning and blinding me and I hear the whistle of his weapon cutting through the air...not fast enough to dodge completely as pain sings through my blood, piercing my back in an agony that has me biting through my lip to stop the scream..._

I come back from the memory with a sigh and answer.

"In order to lead the Knights of Ren I had to prove my worth." Prove to not only Snoke but his lethal huntsmen that I was better than all of them, "I had to defeat all six of them in combat."

"One at time right?"

Her fingers have not left the scar that marks my back and I hear the soft pleading in her voice.

As if Snoke would allow such a thing. I often wondered, in those darker days, if he simply meant to break me.

A shrug of my shoulders, I really don't want to her know about this part of my life, but I know her and she will not abate until I answer.

"No, not always." Those memories were nothing more than a blur of pain, spilled blood and the edges of exhaustion that whispered of failure should I fall, "It would not have been much of a test otherwise."

I wait for her rejection. The scars on my body are proof of just how weak I was all those years ago.

Her arms wrap around me, the press of her body against mine and I feel her lips against my skin.

She startles me and before I can question why she's doing this, I feel her shaking against me.

She has such compassion in her, my beautiful Rey, and I can only cover her arms with my own.

"It was a long time ago Rey."

More than ten years ago and the memories of those scars no longer bleed me as they once did.

Her response is to tighten her hold on me.

I feel the press of her face against my back.

"I don't care how long ago it was," I blink at the vehemence in her words, the burn of anger that she does not hide, "you shouldn't have had to go through something like that."

She makes it sound like I was a victim of circumstances out of my control.

"It was my choice."

I pull her arms away from me and turn so that I can face her.

I am not a victim or some naive youth who didn't know what I was doing when I sought out the First Order.

I knew exactly what I had chosen when I walked away from Skywalker and my parents.

A brutal choice with brutal consequences, but still my choice.

Her head is bowed, I can see her hands clenched beneath the water and I feel my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.

"Rey," I call her name softly and she lifts her head to look up at me and I cannot help but brush the strands from her eyes, "don't pity me."

I can endure any pain, the kiss of the blade, the strike of a saber through my flesh...but not the thought that I should appear weak in her eyes.

A flash of rage in fractured amber.

"I _don't,_" fierce words as strong as the woman standing in front of me, "I will never pity you Ben. You have too much strength for pity."

Her fingers tangle in my hair and I allow her to pull my head down, but there is confusion in me.

If she does not pity me then why do I hear that ache in her voice?

"But that doesn't mean I can't hurt for you," whispered words as she brushes fire along my mouth with her feathered caress, "so don't ask me to stop."

I crush her to me, taking her mouth as her words spiral into me.

She is the conqueror of my soul, this woman who would have me surrender to her love, accepting all of me.

We break apart and I feel none to steady on my feet, dazed by her words.

I never expected anyone to care enough about me to actually hurt for me at the pain I endured.

Rey picks up cloth that has fallen from my hand and begin to wash me.

"Rey..."

Her touch is both agony and ecstasy at this point.

"No, let me do this." She looks up at me, twin flames burning into me and I am robbed of my ability to speak, "You have to let me do this."

I have never heard her speak with such longing and I let my hands fall away.

I can deny her nothing. I nod and let her continue stroking me with the cloth as sparks of lightning trail over my flesh where she has touched.

She has a quiet concentration about her and yet I can feel her love, branding me with every caress.

She will forever be entangled in my soul.

I close my eyes as she moves behind me, a harsh silent breath as I feel her lips moving over each of my scars.

As if they were something to be proud of, not a source of shame that was constantly thrown in my face by Snoke as a sign of weakness.

"Enough."

I have to pull away now, my body pulsing as I try to regain my breath.

I turn to look at her, confusion on her face as to why I pulled away, the cloth still raised in her hand.

I cannot help but be charmed by her naivete as to what she is doing to me unknowingly.

"I won't be able to stand if you keep touching me like that."

Her eyes widen and I see them travel over me.

"I..oh!"

_Now _she understand my meaning and her lips curve upward into smug amusement at my sudden discomfort.

Seeing how she caused this reaction in me I cannot help but scowl at her.

I am, after all, male. Even I cannot control a biological reaction.

My siren is openly laughing at me and I feel my lips curving at the unfettered delight.

At least she is no longer hurting. That is all I care about and if I have to suffer a few discomforts because of it, so be it.

The laughter dies down and she is looking at me with that soft, glowing warmth in her eyes.

Before I can do or say anything else, a yawn escapes her mouth and I have to shake myself mentally.

Whatever plans I might have had will wait until later.

"You need more rest."

She is shaking her head in denial at my observation.

"I slept for fifteen hours Ben, I cannot be tired again."

But the limpid glow in her eyes, the fact that she hasn't moved for several minutes, gives lie to her words.

However, she is a stubborn woman, my Rey.

But I know how to use that stubbornness to my advantage.

"Then do it for me."

A confused look as she glances at me and I move back towards her and I make a ruthless decision...and lower my guard.

"Let me rest in your arms Rey, please."

I lift my hand to her face, let her hear the fatigue in my voice that I have held back all these hours.

She turns and presses a kiss into my palm, I can feel her lips curving into a smile.

"As if I would let you go anywhere else."

Her words hold a possessive note that strokes my soul and I let her lead me from the pool to where the drying vents await us.

They make short work of the water on us and I see her skin pebble as the heat evaporates.

I leave before she realizes it, retrieving the robe I was wearing earlier and gently wrap it around her body.

"Ben this is yours..."

I hear the quiet pleasure in her voice and also the subtle notes of fatigue she tries to hide from me.

As if she could hide anything from me now.

I lift her up into my arms and take her out of the bathroom before she can deny me.

"Ben," laughter in my name as she wraps her arms around my neck, "I can walk."

"I know, but I prefer carrying you," only I was allowed to see her this vulnerable, "So I'm going to."

I can feel her exasperation at my response but she is laying her head on my shoulder and I am quite pleased with myself.

She is starting to rely on me.

I come into the bedroom with Rey nestled in my arm and I stop short. She turns her head...and we both start to laugh at the same time.

I must have well and truly been distracted by the woman in my arms to not sense the Nymeira.

Only creatures born of the wind and water could slip in so easily, so quietly and be gone without a sound.

Fresh sheets and blankets on the bed, our scattered clothing nowhere to be had.

"Well...I guess they think of everything around here."

Laughter and disbelief from Rey.

"So it would seem."

I am rather discomfited to be taken so unaware, even by beings as tranquil as the Nymeira...but at the same time the sheets have been changed, so there will be no reminders of the blood I spilled this night.

Before I can dwell too much on that thought I cross the room and place Rey on the bed.

She stretches out like a cat, all loose limbs and unconscious grace.

She looks up at me and I watch as she peels the robe from her body.

Not that I am complaining about Rey naked in bed, but I have to wonder at her decision.

I take the garment from her outstretched fingers and watch as she ducks her head, playing with the ends of her hair with a nervous air.

"Seems silly for only one of us to be covered."

If that is the reason she chooses to believe then I will feign ignorance.

I hear the slide of the sheets as she moves beneath them and take my time hanging up the robe.

Except for that one night on Pralis Six, we have never shared a bed together.

I turn when I no longer hear her moving about and moonlight has bathed her in radiance.

The glow of her skin, the hidden fire in sable strands, and she looks at me with unchecked longing and love.

She looks like an illusion, a fairytale brought to vivid life, a dream I could never quite hold onto.

"Ben," notes of love that make me catch my breath as she calls out to me, "come here."

I walk to her, entranced by her all over again and pleasure alights in me when she does not turn blushing eyes away from me.

Her arms lift to me as I slip into bed and I gather her into my embrace.

She smells of moonlight...and love.

Our bodies press together and I feel her settle into me, soft and pliant as only she knows how.

I press my lips to her forehead, marveling that we are finally together.

"Sleep Rey. I'm here."

I have heard her nightmares, kissed the tears they cause and swear that I will defend her, even in her dreams.

Her head on my chest, her breathing slows as she wraps her arms around me.

I feel a languidness in my bones, eyes heavy as sleep comes on swift wings.

"So am I," I hear the sleepy murmur from her lips even as my eyes shut of their own accord, "you're not alone."

No I wasn't. Not anymore, not since the day she entered my life.

"Neither are you."

My one and only love.


	41. Chapter 41

**Author's Update: **Sorry for the long arc, I hope everyone is still enjoying the story so far! Okay enough talk, more reading!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews... **(O_O) Holy Goddess I have over 200 reviews...I've died and gone to Elysium...

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_You make me feel things_

_so many things..._

_I have never felt before._

_You are maddening_

_and confusing and strong_

_and silent._

_You thrill me and terrify_

_me_

_But mostly, you are beautiful_

_and I love you._

_I love you still._

_And, I will never love_

_like this again._

_I have never loved_

_like this before."_

-N.

Rey

I woke to a languid heat in my skin, the rhythm of a steady heartbeat in my head and a sense of being whole.

That endless ache of loneliness, no matter if I was awake or sleeping, was gone.

I open my eyes...and see the sleeping face of the man I love.

The man who banished my loneliness, who even now had his arm loosely wrapped around my waist.

Even in sleep he will not let me go.

I can't stop the smile spreading over me, spilling a lush warmth into my soul as I listen to his breathing.

Feel the rise and fall of his chest, even as I snuggle closer.

I press a kiss to his chest, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am here in Ben's arms, that this is no dream.

It feels as though this has been nothing but a beautiful, endless dream that I never want to wake up from.

The call of the birds singing to the sun catches my attention and I realize it is morning.

I slept through the night with Ben at my side, no nightmares to wake me up in a cold sweat.

No pressing my hand into the bed, searching for the person I want most in the world, only to find empty space.

I prop myself up on my elbows and gently smooth back his raven hair from his brow.

He looks peaceful lying there and I cannot do anything else but lean down and press a kiss to his temple.

"Ben," I whisper, "wake up."

I know I should let him sleep, I doubt he ever allows himself to actually rest surrounded by the First Order, but now that I'm awake I can't help but feel as if time is slipping through my fingers.

It was already the second day.

A sigh at my words...but nothing else from him.

I trail my lips down his temple, feel his hand squeeze my hip, and nibble at his ear.

"Ben," I breath into his ear, feel him shudder in response, "wake up. It's morning."

A groan from his lips and I see him slit a single eye open. He turns his head towards the single beam of sunlight that managed to slip between the panels that darken the room.

"Go back to sleep Rey," I blink at his grumpy tone, "it is _not _morning. It's barely dawn."

"It is morning," I reiterate, "I can hear the birds calling and...oh!"

He rolled over and now I'm suddenly beneath him, trapped by his weight.

"Ben," laughter escaping me as I try to get him to move, "get off! You're crushing me."

"I am not," his face is buried in my neck and I can feel his lips moving over me, making my skin pebble in reaction, "go back to sleep Rey."

My he was grump in the morning.

"Ben," I try to sit up but he remains uncooperative and refuses to budge, "get up!"

"No."

Grumpy male. How was I going to get him awake, let alone move him off of me?

Warm, male heat on my skin, his breath on my neck...I can feel a wicked idea forming.

Well if it works...

My fingers thread through his hair, my leg curving around his.

"Ben." I croon softly and he actually lifts his head to look at me, eyes still drowsy with sleep and I lean in, brushing my mouth across his.

I nibble at his lips, stroking his hair and then his back, feel him shift his weight in response...

A startled huff out of him as I use my leg I curved around him to roll us so that I was the one on top and he was beneath me.

"Rey." A soft growl from his lips as I quickly move off before he can get his hands back on me.

"Uh uh," I tell him, "it's morning. Get up, I want food and a drink before we get started."

A groan from him, his hand covering his eyes as he plops back down on the pillow.

"How can you be so energetic this early in the morning?"

Somehow I don't think he meant that as a compliment.

"This isn't early," I tell him as I search for something to wear, "try waking up _before _the sun rises, now that's early."

"If you think I am moving before I have had coffee, you are sadly mistaken."

I pause, one arm in the robe I found hanging in what must be a closet, confused.

"What is 'coffee'?"

_That _got his attention and I actually see him lift his head up, propping up on elbows, to give me a narrowed-eyed glance.

"Tell me that was a joke."

I shake my head and finish pulling the robe around my body.

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about."

A rather loud sigh from him and he shakes his head at me.

"I can see how my morning is going to go."

I wrinkle my nose at him and walk back over to where he still propped up.

"You're rather grumpy when you wake up, you know that?"

But still gorgeous with his raven hair tousled from sleep, his eyes holding a sleepy glint in their dark depths.

"I detest morning people."

That has me grinning and I lean down, grabbing his face and take his mouth for my own.

My tongue slips into his parted lips and I feel him start beneath me, hear the rustle of sheets and I quickly pull away.

A dazed look in his eyes and I grin in smug superiority.

"Consider this your wake up call then."

I let go of his face and he literally drops back down on the bed and I laugh in delight.

Surprising Ben this morning was turning out to be quite fun.

"Rey...you..." he seems to be having a hard time forming words and I shake my head, still pleased with myself.

"Clearly you need this 'coffee' to function. I'm going to see if the Nymeira are awake and find us food and drink."

"You do that."

"I'm going to."

I laugh and leave the room, wondering if he's actually going to stay awake. Honesty, it wasn't _that _early.

Grumpy male.

My cheeks are hurting, I'm grinning so hard and I laugh out of sheer pleasure.

I would trade a thousand sleepless nights just to be able to wake up to this.

My search doesn't take me long and I find a Nymeira in the corridor.

Now this is the Nymeira I am used to seeing.

Moon white hair, opaque storm-gray eyes and skin like sand after the rain falls.

Even her robes that flutter around her are the same.

"Good morning Mistress Jedi."

Fingers together, a slight bow in my direction.

"Hi, good morning."

"I trust your sleep was pleasant?"

Ben...his arms wrapped around me...the feel of his heartbeat beneath my head...I can't stop the grin and the blush that steal over me at her inquiry.

"Yes, much. Um, I was wondering if it's too early to get some food and drink?"

"What is it you desire?"

I remember Ben's snarky words about not getting up.

"Do you have a drink called 'coffee' here?"

I hoped so otherwise I may have to come up with extreme measure to get him up, like say, throwing a bucket of water over him.

"Yes many of our guest enjoy the beverage with their morning fast."

I let out a relieved sigh.

"Can I get some...also do you have tea?"

Leia introduced me to the drink when we had been searching for allies through the galaxy and the first timed I tasted the dark, red liquid it was like flowers had bloomed in my mouth.

"Yes."

"Okay. So coffee and tea and food."

"Is there a preference for what you wish to eat?"

I paused at that. Honestly I have no idea what Ben likes to eat...this would be our first morning meal together.

Butterflies in my stomach, another first for us.

"No...just a bit of everything, I guess."

A nod of her head, her tranquil smile never wavering but somehow I get the feeling I have amused her.

"I will send your request to your room shortly."

"Oh, okay. We don't have to come to the same place we had lunch yesterday?"

A soft shake of her head, the scent of wind and water around me, "No. Many couples prefer to eat their morning meal privately."

Another bow in my direction and she turns down the adjacent hallway.

I'm left standing there, my mouth slightly open at her casual reference to Ben and myself.

I shake my head coming out of my stupor and head back to my room.

Of course they would know we were together, considering that we were the only two in the entire resort.

The door slides back and I quickly look for Ben.

He's not in bed so that means he's actually awake.

"Ben?"

I don't hear anything from the bathroom and I go out to the balcony, maybe he was out there.

But there was nothing only the crystal table and accompanying chairs.

Knots in my stomach, a fluttery feeling in my chest.

Where was he?

I go back to my room, I wasn't gone that long, I know I wasn't.

I press the chime on the bathroom maybe I was mistaken and he's in there.

"Ben?"

No response and I bite my lip.

Surely he wouldn't have left...would he?

"Rey? What's wrong?"

I turn as the door slides open, Ben stepping through dressed in a black robe similar to mine.

The knots in my stomach loosen and I feel shaky because of it.

"Ben!"

I rush over to him throwing my arms around his neck.

He catches me instantly, holding me close to him.

I tremble in his arms, shocked at my reaction to not finding him when I returned.

"Easy," the soft murmur of his voice calms me, his fingers stroking my hair, "I'm here."

I give a watery laugh, shaking my head at my own foolishness.

"I'm sorry," I refuse to meet his eyes I'm so embarrassed, "I came back and I couldn't find you and I-"

His fingers beneath my jaw, lifting my face as he silences my torrent with his mouth.

I grip the edges of his robe, opening my mouth to him, drowning in the taste of him.

That anxiousness I felt only moments ago melts away beneath his gentle assault and I go pliant in his arms.

He lifts his head, his fingers brushing away fallen strands from my eyes.

"Better?"

I nod my head and sigh, wrapping my arms around him.

"I know, I'm being silly."

"No you're not."

I look up at him, that strange half-smile curving his lips as he holds me loosely in his arms.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you it made me...happy...to see you that anxious about finding me?"

"It did? Why?"

"Because," he lifts the ends of my hair to his lips, "I get the same way when I can't see you. I knew you told me you were going to find the Nymeira but having you gone...you may not realize this but I am possessive over what I consider mine."

Heat blooming in my chest. No one has ever desired me enough to consider me 'there's.

"Am I?" I murmur, stroking the smooth skin of his chest where the edges of his robe part.

"Are you what?"

I take a deep breath and lift my eyes to his. "Am I yours Ben?"

"Yes," he drops my hair and his mouth is on mine and I drown in him before he releases me, a fierce light in his eyes, "forever. You will always be mine."

"Good, because you're mine as well."

A curve of his lips as he looks down at me.

"I've always belonged to you Rey, it just took you this long to realize it."

He startles me into laughter and I push at his chest, my earlier anxiety completely gone.

"I am not going to be charmed by you."

A look of pleasant surprise on his face. "You find me charming?"

Oh no, I know a trap when I hear it.

"I am not going to stroke your ego Ben Solo."

"So what other part of me would you like to stroke?"

"Ben!"

I can feel the heat scattering across my skin, shocked and more than a little aroused at his blatant teasing and before I can respond I hear the chime at the door.

The Nymeira.

I can't decide if I am pleased or disappointed with their impeccable timing.

"That would be the food."

A sight from him but he releases me and steps back so I can press the panel.

"That was fast. Thank you."

The Nymeira has a hover cart in front of her, I can see plates beneath glass covers coated in frost.

Several decanters and cups are also with the food and there is a strong, rich aroma coming from one of them.

"Finally," a mutter from Ben as the Nymeira bow and leave us, "I can have some coffee."

I shoot him an amused look.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"The balcony is set up. We can eat there."

I nod my head and the cart moves automatically behind us as we move across the room.

Between the two of us we have the plates and glasses arranged on the table.

Ben quickly picks up a cup and pours out a measure of strong, black liquid. He takes a sip, wrinkles his brow, and adds two helpings of a strange white, powdery crystal.

That dissatisfied look vanishes at the second sip and I can actually see him smiling faintly.

Anything that can make him smile I have to know about and I give him a curious look.

"You've never had coffee have you Rey?"

I shake my head at him. I've never even heard of the stuff.

A sigh and he holds out his cup to me.

I laugh at the look on his face and wonder if I'm going to have to pry it out of his hands in order to taste it.

I compromise by wrapping my hands around his and taking a sip.

"Ugh," I shove him and the cup away as I swallow the bitter liquid, "how can you drink that?"

A long-suffering sigh is my only answer from him. He picks up another cup and dumps more coffee into it along with several heaps of that white, powdery stuff and another liquid that turns that black liquid to pale almond.

"Here, try it now."

I shake my head. "Uh uh. Once was enough, thank you. I think I'll keep my tastebuds for the food."

"Just take a sip, you don't have to finish it."

I eye him warily but he is refusing to back down and reluctantly I accept the second cup from his hand.

"You owe me for this." I mutter darkly and set my lips to the rim of the cup. I am more than prepared to spit this back out.

Warmth spills into my mouth, but no longer bitter. Whatever he added has made it sweet and I swallow quickly, a jolt of energy running through me.

I thought I was awake before...I take another healthy swallow and it is just as good, just as potent, as the last.

No wonder he wants coffee in the morning.

He's reaching for my cup and I playfully snap my teeth at him, hugging it to my chest.

He just handed me a small bit of heaven and I am not giving it back to him.

"You have your own," I eye his black concoction with disdain, "this is _mine._"

A lift of his brow in my direction, I can see his lips twitching suppressed amusement but he doesn't argue with me.

Smart man.

He lifts his cup in salute and we get down the business of eating.

"Is there a reason you woke me up at dawn," he asks after having his third cup of coffee and half the plates have been cleared by the two of us, "or do you simply hate sleeping?"

"It wasn't dawn," I murmur softly, replete now that I was no longer starving, "see."

I lift my cup to the sky, shimming gold with thread of pale green and dusky pink drifting through the sky.

Already the sun is above the rim of the world and climbing slowly.

He gives me an aggrieved look and goes back to his coffee.

I laugh and take a sip of my tea. It was different from what I had with Leia, this one tasting more of fruit than flowers but still nice.

I finished my coffee and felt as though I had enough energy to not need sleep for a week.

I don't understand how Ben could have three cups of the stuff.

"What is it you wanted to do so badly that I had to be up with sun for it?"

"Nothing," I give a shrug of my shoulder, "I just want to spend the day with you."

He stares at me for a full minute and slowly puts the cup down.

"Tell me your joking."

I roll my eyes at him, clearly he is still annoyed with me for waking him up.

"No, I'm not." But I begin to lose my amusement at his brooding look and sigh, wondering if I should just have gone off on my own and let him sleep.

"Fine," I get to my feet, "go back to sleep, if that's what you want. I'm going to get dressed and get out of here."

I barely move past the table when I feel him grab my wrist and tumble me into his lap.

"Ben," I push at his chest, no longer amused, "let go."

"No."

"Look, I'm sorry I woke you up so damn early," I was _not _going to cry, even if I felt the lump in my throat swelling, "I didn't realize it would make you so mad. It's the second day already and I just..."

I sigh, letting it go. I don't want to fight with him. Not over something as stupid as this.

"Just what?"

No anger in his voice but a calmness that makes me glance up at him in wary suspicion.

He has that look on his face that tells me he's not going to let me go until I answer him.

"Does it matter anymore?"  
"Yes, so finish what you were going to say."

I turn my head away, his arms around me loose. I could get away if I wanted to.

But I don't. Not really.

"I just wanted to share this day with you. Waking up, eating together...just _being _together...I didn't think you would be this mad."

The last part is barely above a whisper. Did I somehow misjudge him in all of this?

Maybe he really doesn't want to be with me...all of my doubts about my ability to be loved come rushing back.

After all, if my own parents could throw me away, why would I even think that a complete stranger would love me any better.

"Rey," his voice soft, compelling, "look at me."

But I refuse. I don't want to see the rejection in his eyes.

I could handle anything else, but not that.

His fingers cup my jaw and try to turn my head but I resist.

A sigh, his hand sliding away and the painful grip around my throat tightens further...until I feel him lean his head against mine.

"I'm sorry."

Whispered words but I hear them clearly and that alone makes me turn my head to look at him.

Anguish in his eyes that makes me catch my breath.

"Forgive me. Don't leave, not like this."

I blink in confusion as to why he would think I was leaving...and then I remember the words I threw out at him.

"Ben," I lift my hand, cupping his face as he presses a kiss to my palm, "I'm not leaving you. We're just having an argument and I was angry and not thinking...I meant I was going to go out and explore if you wanted to go back to sleep."

"An argument," murmured words against my palm and he lifts his head, his eyes no longer so bleak, "is that what this is?"

"Well, more like a difference of opinion. You want to sleep...I want to explore."

A sigh and he closes his eyes.

"I...you make it sound like something simple."

I brush my fingers through his hair, a trembling smile to my lips, "It is. Really."

He opens his eyes and I press a kiss to him mouth, my earlier anger forgotten in the despair I saw in his.

If he wants to stay in bed all day then I will gladly crawl back into bed, so long as I never have to see that look in his eyes again.

I lift my mouth and let out a shaky breath as his lips curve slightly upward at the edges.

"So where did you want to go explore?"

I shake my head, a watery laugh escaping me.

"I don't care. Anywhere, so long as its with you."

"Give me a minute to think."

I nod my head and feel the storm passing over us. Clearly Ben and I need to work on our communication skills with each other.

I leave him to his thoughts just as several Astiri birds glide by the balcony.

Their beauty, the fact that their wings look like they're trailing fire, has me out of his lap and at the balcony edge.

I reach out as if I could actually touch one but they are too far away.

They glide the thermals, swooping and diving as if they were dancing and I can only gaze at them, entranced.

"Would you like to see them up close?"

I turn just as Ben slips behind me, his arms curving around my waist.

"How?" I look back at the elegant creatures, "It's not like we can grow wings and join them."

"We go to where they nest."

I look up at him, excitement coursing through me.

"We can? You know where to find it?"

"Probably, if that is what you want."

I begin to nod my head...but then hesitate.

"What is it?"

"Ben...I am fascinated with the Astiri...but we don't have to go and find them if you just want to stay indoors today."

A soft sigh and a shake of his head.

"I have never been a morning person, not even when I was young boy. I have no excuse to offer you with my poor behavior from earlier...except that I am still getting used to having someone in my life."

I turn in his arms, laying my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm sorry too," he isn't to blame for all of this, "I was just so happy to wake up next to you and get started I didn't think about how you would feel getting up so early."

"Well I didn't dislike all of it..."

I look up and I see the faint traces of a smile on his mouth, "Waking up to you kissing me was rather pleasant...until you stopped."

"Why would you..."

I almost asked why he would be upset why I stopped and then I remember the way he shifted against me on the bed and I no longer need an answer.

That slight smirk on his face has me groaning against his chest and he laughs softly at my discomfort.

"That wasn't nice."

"Neither was your leaving. Had you stayed..."

I lift my head up, a grin on my face.

"Yes? Had I stayed?"

"But you didn't."

I smack him on the chest lightly, the mood lightening around us.

"Stop teasing me."

"Give me a reason why and I might."

I wracked my brain for a pithy response...and just like that it came to me.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down so I can press a kiss to jaw.

"Because if you do...whatever you were thinking of this morning...you can do tonight when we go to bed."

His arms press me against him, his head turning to kiss my mouth and I let myself stay captive in his embrace.

He lifts his head, a dark gleam in obsidian.

"I'm going to hold you to that."

I laugh and nod my head. "You have my promise...so can you really find the Astiri for us?"

A twitch of his mouth and he straightens and I have to let go.

"Let's find out. Come on."

He takes my hand and leads me back into the bedroom to one of the walls adjacent to the bed.

"Ben what are you..."

I watch as the panel slides free, revealing a blank screen.

His fingers tap in a few commands and it lights up, showing us a map of where were.

"How did you know to do that?"

An arrogant lift of his brow in my direction. "Because I did my research on this place, that's how."

I fold my arms across my chest. "I'll be more impressed if you actually find their location."

A few more taps across the panels and I hear the smug satisfaction in his voice.

"Come see for yourself."

I walk over and I have to shake my head, laughing as I touch the screen.

There, displayed in scrolling data, tells everything we need to know about the Astiri bird.

Including where they can be found.

"Show off."

"Only for you. Impressed yet?"

I can't help but laugh and nod my head. "Astounded. When do we leave?"

"Just as soon as we get dressed. Make sure you wear something that you can climb in. I want to talk to the Nymeira before we leave."

"About what?"

"Transport. The hike to Hisui Mountain is a long one, it would take us all day just to reach it."

He nods his head to the balcony and the mountain I can see in far distance.

"That is our destination."


	42. Chapter 42

**Author's Note**: Yes it's update time! I hope all of my readers are safe and well and still enjoying the story so far! As before, all grammatical mistakes and errors are mine and mine alone.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Yeah you know the drill, like or hate it I still want to know your opinion.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_Give me your hand,_

_though I don't know where I'll_

_lead you._

_Open your eyes,_

_though I don't know what_

_you'll see._

_Give me your dreams,_

_though I don't know if_

_I'll catch them._

_Give me your heart,_

_for I know that I will_

_love you."_

-Ariana

Ben Solo

It was the small touches that pulled me from my sleep. The press of her mouth against my bare skin, the gentle glide of her fingers in my hair.

I could smell the sunlight on her skin as she shifted, pressing her lips to my temple.

"Ben," her lilting voice calling my name, "wake up."

I felt drowsy, content in a way that was unknown to me until she stepped into my life.

Sleep beckoned on dark wings and I felt myself drifting back under.

Her lips trailing feathered caresses down the side of my face, bringing me back from the the dark edge of slumber and I squeeze her hip in warning.

Her teeth find my ear, nibbling bites that do not hurt...but make it impossible for me to ignore.

"Ben," her breath in my ear and it sends small shocks of pleasure through me, "wake up. It's morning."

She was rather persistent and considering what she was doing to me...I crack a single eye open. The room was still covered in shadows and I turn my head to the single, pale beam of light on the floor.

The birds were just barely beginning to make themselves known.

This wasn't even close to being morning.

The love of my life was insane.

"Go back to sleep Rey," whatever plans she has can wait a few more hours, "it is _not _morning. It's barely dawn."

"It is morning, I can hear the birds and...oh!"

I was not in the mood to hear about the damn birds and roll over, trapping Rey beneath me.

If she was only going to use her mouth to spout nonsense at me, I'm going back to sleep.

The heat of her body and smooth skin are far more comfortable than the pillow I was lying on earlier.

"Ben," laughter in her voice that makes me smile despite my desire for rest, "get off me! You're crushing me."

Doubtful. Most of my weight was on the bed, not her.

"I am not," I bury my face in her neck, wondering what I have to do to get her stop talking, "go back to sleep Rey."

"Ben," exasperation in her voice and I tighten my hold around her, "get up!"

"No."

I was rather comfortable now and the feel of her skin next to mine was a pleasure I was unwilling to give up at this moment.

Blessed silence and maybe she finally listened to me and is giving up her insane notion that it's morning.

"Ben."

Her voice is soft, sensual and full of invitation that makes me lift my head up, remembering her mouth on me from earlier.

Her hair is a tumbling mess down her shoulders, eyes limpid gold as she leans into kiss my mouth.

I feel her leg wrap around mine as she strokes my hair, the caress of her fingers of my skin leaving no room for thought but drowning pleasure in her arms.

I shift my weight, more than willing now to listen to whatever she wants...only to have her push on my chest and flip us so that I'm the one flat on my back, gazing up at her.

Satisfaction curves her lips and there is nothing of my slow-eyed lover from before.

"Rey," I growl softly, intending to tell it wasn't nice to tease me so early in the morning when she scoots off of me, the chill of the air making me clench my teeth.

So much for that idea.

"Uh uh, it's morning." Did she have to keep reminding me of that fact, "Get up. I want food and drink before we get started."

Started? What the hell did she want to do so badly that required being up at first light.

I fling an arm over my eyes, now that she is off of me I have no desire to stay awake.

"How can you be so energetic this early in the morning?"

"This isn't early," she sound far too happy and I can hear her moving about the room, "try waking up _before _the sun rises, now that's early."

Not for all the credits on Coruscant.

"If you think I am moving before I have had coffee, you are sadly mistaken."

My Generals knew better than to disturb me before I've had at least an hour to wake up.

I've been known to kill the messenger who arrives before I've had at least two cups in me.

A pause of silence in the air.

"What is 'coffee'?"

If this was a joke from her, I am not amused.

I prop myself up so I can get a good look at her expression, expecting to see a teasing smile on her lip, a paltry effort to keep me awake.

Instead all I see is blank-eyed confusion from her.

Hell.

"Tell me that was a joke."

A soft shake of her head as she ties the sapphire robe around her body.

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about."

I knew Jakku was a backwards planet but to never have heard of coffee...

I sigh and shake my head, wondering how I managed to fall in the love with probably the only person who has never heard of coffee.

"I can see how my morning is going to go."

She has the audacity to wrinkle her nose at me and walk back to my side.

Even this early in the morning she is still the loveliest sight to my eyes.

The deep sapphire of her robe brings out the delicate blush of her skin, her hair a dark frame for fractured amber that look at me with far too much mirth.

"You're rather grumpy when you wake up, you know that?"

She has yet to see me grumpy.

Right now I'm just irritated.

"I detest morning people."

The grin spreading over her face tells me that Rey is one of them.

May the Force help me.

She grabs my jaw, her lips slanting over mine in such a possessive manner that leaves me startled and I feel her tongue slide against mine.

_Now _I'm awake. Unequivocally awake.

She pulls away before I can have more than just a taste and I'm still burning from that single brush of her mouth.

My ability to think at this moment has be reduced to nothing.

"Consider this your wake up call then."

She lets go before I can string more than two words together and I fall back, my bones like water from the heat of that kiss.

Her laughter wraps around me, delighting in her ability to render me immobile.

"Rey...you..."

But she is shaking her head at me, that pleased grin still on her face.

"Clearly you need this 'coffee' to function. I'm going to see if the Nymeira are awake and find us food and drink."

She was going to have to. I was still trying to get the bones back into my body.

"You do that."

"I'm going to."

Laughter coats the air, most of it directed at me and I hear the door slide open.

Silence in the wake of her leaving.

There was no way I could go back to sleep after that kiss.

In fact, I needed a shower.

A long, cold shower.

Sighing I fling the sheet back and glare at that beam of sunlight that seems to have expanded.

She had better be able to find coffee for me otherwise I might have to do something drastic.

Like find another planet that is more civilized.

I can't stay in here and shower and dress. This is not my room and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. It is well that the Nymeira left me my robe from the previous night.

I have no desire to walk the halls in nothing but my bare skin.

Pulling the robe on I quickly leave her room, the silence of the building rather disquieting after having that rather boisterous conversation with Rey.

I slip into my borrowed room, going straight for the bathroom.

Even now I can feel the press of her mouth against mine and I need to cool the ardor in my body if she expects me to actually function around her.

The stream hits my skin and I clench my teeth against the icy temperature.

She owes me for this. She had better have a good reason for not only getting me out of bed so early but for also leaving me in this aroused state.

My shower is not long, despite my thoughts from earlier. I don't know how long it will take Rey to find the Nymeira but I don't want to leave her alone and waiting.

A robe inside the closet, black and made of silk and I quickly slide it over my now dry skin and run a quick hand through my hair.

It will have to do. There is a tightness in my stomach that wasn't there before.

A sense of unease.

I leave the room and I hear Rey calling my voice from inside her own room.

She sounds...frightened.

What could have happened to her?

The door is already open to my touch and I see Rey standing in front of her bathroom door, her hand at her throat.

Her skin is pale, her eyes huge in her face.

"Rey? What's wrong?"

"Ben!"

The utter relief in her voice, so vivid as she calls my name, surprises me.

I have no time for anything else as she flings her arms around me.

I can feel her shaking as I gather her against me.

"Easy," I murmur, stroking her hair, "I'm here."

I have no idea what has put her in this state but I don't like it. I continue to stroke her hair, just holding her as I feel her body begin to relax.

She lets out a small laugh but I find nothing remotely funny from the sound of tears in it.

"I'm sorry," she won't look at me, using her hair to conceal her face, "I came back and I couldn't find you and I-"

My Rey is babbling and she never does that unless she is worried...or embarrassed.

I lift my hand to her jaw, tilting her head up as I see the slash of color across her face.

Embarrassed then.

I silence her flow of words the best way I know how.

My lips slant over hers, her fingers clutching the edges of my robe as I take her breath for my own.

A sigh into my mouth, her body melting in my arms and the trembling ceases altogether.

I lift my head to her dazed expression, brushing back fallen strands from her eyes.

"Better?"

She nods as she fits her body closer to mine, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"I know, I'm being silly."

Her voice is quiet and yet I hear self-deprecation in it.

"No you're not."

I won't allow her to belittle her own feelings.

She looks up at me, all wide-eyed confusion and I cannot help the slight smile that comes over me.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you it made me...happy...to see you that anxious about finding me?"

The relief in her eyes as she called my name, the way she surrendered in my arms when I kissed her.

All because she was worried about me.

"It did? Why?"

She really has no idea, the innocence of her gaze disarming me.

I lift a lock of her hair to my lips, inhaling the scent of sun and flower...the scent I now associated with home.

"Because I get the same way when I can't see you." Had I not cut my shower to the bare minimum, my thoughts unable to turn away her and the fact that she had left my side, "I knew you told me you were going to find the Nymeira but having you gone," I hesitate revealing this but she need to understand, "...you may not realize this but I am possessive over what I consider mine."

Eyes softening, lips parting as her fingers trace my skin between the edges of the robe.

My cold shower from earlier is undone by that one look and once more I burn beneath her touch.

"Am I?"

Murmured words from her mouth and the heat she is stirring in me makes it hard for me to think clearly.

"Are you what?"

She lifts glowing amber to me, terrible yearning reflected in them and I hear the tremble in her voice as she answers me.

"Am I yours Ben?"

"Yes," I take her mouth, heat spilling into me as our tongue tangle and I claim her for my own. Only when our breaths become ragged do I release her, "Forever. You will always be mine."

I wish I could capture the light in her eyes, utterly dazzling to my soul.

"Good, because you're mine as well."

There is more than a hint of possession in her voice, daring me to object to her claim.

I can feel my lips curving, amused by her declaration.

"I've always belonged to you Rey, it just took you this long to realize it."

The flair of color across her face, startled laughter from her lips.

"I am not going to be charmed by you."

I have been called many things but never charming and I am rather pleased she thinks so.

"You find me charming?"

"I am not going to stroke your ego Ben Solo."

Tart words but the image behind them makes my body tighten in anticipation.

"So what other part of me would you like to stroke?"

My voice drops, the tension between us vibrant and alive.

The blush deepens on her skin to a rosy hue and I watch the color move down her throat and chest to disappear beyond the collar of her robe.

"Ben!"

Shock in her voice, yes, but I hear the ardent arousal as well. I had meant to only tease her but now...

A chime at the door stops me.

"That would be the food."

Too many emotions in her voice and I cannot tell if she happy for the timely interruption or disappointed.

Considering the fuss she made earlier about wanting me up so we could eat I sigh and let her go.

The door opens and I hear her exchange warm words with the Nymeira.

I might have left except I smelled the strong aroma of coffee and I feel my appetite sharpen.

"Finally," I mutter as she pulls the hover cart into the room after the door slides shut, "I can have some coffee."

Rey shoots me an amused look and since she had never even heard of it I don't try to explain why I have to have it.

"Where do you want to eat?"

A practical question and one that I can answer easily enough, despite the fog still around my brain.

"The balcony is set up," I remember seeing a table and chairs on my own and knew that most of the balcony rooms would have similar set ups, "We can eat there."

A nod of her head and the cart follow behind us as I push open the doors.

The sun has decided to peek over the rim of the world, casting the sky in rich colors of the dawn.

I help Rey with the dishes, marveling at how natural it feels to be doing such simple tasks with her.

That done, I'm already reaching for the decanter that holds the coffee.

The rich, black liquid smells almost as good as Rey fresh from a shower and I quickly pour myself a cup.

The brew is bitter on my first swallow and I manage not to shudder. Must be a pure blend that they use here on Emphameira.

I locate the sugar and add a few spoonfuls, balancing out the bitterness.

Ah, much better.

My second sip and I can almost look at the sun and not wish it would implode.

Rey is watching me with more than a little curiosity.

"You've never had coffee have you Rey?"

A shake of her head, her eyes brightening as she looks at me...and my cup.

I sigh and decide this must be love as I hold out my cup for her to take.

I never share my coffee with anyone.

Ever.

She gives me a look of exasperated fondness and wraps her hand around mine, lifting the cup to her lips.

At least I didn't have to let go.

She shoves it away almost immediately, a look of revulsion on her face and only my quick reflexes stopped me from wearing it.

"Ugh," she wiping the back of her mouth, "how can you drink that?"

First she wakes me up _before _the dawn and now she makes despairing remarks about my preferred drink.

I can handle Rey being a morning person but I take issue with her hating coffee.

I'm pretty sure I know why she shoved it back at me and I sigh, picking up a second cup.

I pour coffee along with more sugar than what I normally use along with a sweet cream that makes me shudder silently.

I've noticed Rey has a penchant for sweets, this should satisfy that craving.

"Here," I hold out the cup for her take, "try it now."

She shakes her head at me emphatically.

"Uh uh," a wrinkle of her nose, "Once was enough, thank you. I think I'll keep my tastebuds for the food."

Was she always this argumentative in the morning or was it just my luck?

"Just take a sip, you don't have to finish it."

She gives me a jaundice eye but I refuse to relent. I am not going to sit a breakfast table with someone who insults my coffee.

"You owe me for this."

Grumpy words muttered as she takes the cup from my hand and brings it to her lips.

Considering the state she left me in this morning, I would call us even.

A look of surprise over her face and I watch with satisfaction as she takes another long swallow.

However I cannot help but try to take the cup from her hand.

After all, she did try to throw my first offering back in my face.

A snap of her teeth at my hand that has me blinking in surprise as she retreats to her side of the table, cradling the cup to her chest.

"You have your own," she eyes my cup like it's about to bite her, "this is _mine._"

So she doesn't want to share her coffee.

A woman after my own heart and I cannot help but feel amused at her sudden possessiveness.

I lift my cup to her in surrender as we get down to the business of eating.

I rarely eat a big meal in the morning but Rey's obvious delight in the food has sharpened my interest and between the two of us we clear the dishes fairly quickly.

A look of content on her face as she pushes her third helping away, sipping lightly at her cup of tea.

Only a single cup of coffee for her and looking at her too-wide awake expression, it's probably for the best.

The tea she drinks is another discovery for me. I would have to remember so that I can have it waiting for her if there comes a day she actually gives me a chance to wake up before her.

That brings me back to another thought.

"Is there a reason you woke me up at dawn," now that I'm on my third cup I'm feeling more awake and able to have a proper conversation, "or do you simply hate sleeping?"

She gives me a slow-eyed look and turns her head to the sky.

"It wasn't dawn," soft words filled with quiet amusement, "see."

She lifts her cup to the sky, awash in vivid colors now.

Clearly I need to speak to Rey about not teasing me before I've finished my pot and quickly take another sip, feeling the jolt of energy slip through my bloodstream.

She still hasn't answered my question and I am more than curious as to why she had to be up this early.

Considering her insistence that I be up with her, it must be important.

"What is it you wanted to do so badly that I had to be up with sun for it?"

"Nothing," a lift of her shoulder and a flickering smile on her lips, "I just want to spend the day with you."

Her answer blanks my mind, that was not what I expected to hear.

Of all the reasons to get up, for all the fuss, _this _was her reasoning.

I have to put my cup down before I drop it.

"Tell me your joking."

This had better be a joke.

A roll of her eyes and again that flickering smile as she sips at her tea.

"No, I'm not."

I watch as the smile slips from her face, I can't answer because I cannot comprehend if she just wanted to spend time with me why she simply didn't just tell me that.

"Fine," her voice is sharp as she gets to her feet, "go back to sleep, if that's what you want." Anger now and that flash of temper that is always close to the surface with her, "I'm going to get dressed and get out of here."

Her words are like a shock of cold water thrown into my face.

Leave? Why would she leave? She was suppose to be here for three days, with me.

I reach out before she has time to escape and catch her wrist, pulling her into my lap.

"Ben," her hands shoving at my chest as I hold onto her, "let go."

She is truly angry with me but I won't let go. Not before I know the reason behind her sudden desire to leave me.

"No."

"Look, I'm sorry I woke you up so damn early," her voice sounds tight, as if she were about to cry, "I didn't realize it would make you so mad. It's the second day already and I just..."

I feel the fight go out of her and she turns her head, refusing to look at me, once more using her hair as a shield.

"Just what?"

I know it's the second day, how could I not be aware of each minute that slips past us.

She glances up at me, no longer angry but wary hesitation in her eyes.

"Does it matter anymore?"

A sigh in her voice, a touch of sadness when only moments ago she had been laughing and teasing me.

I didn't like this change and I only have myself to blame for it.

"Yes, so finish what you were going to say."

She turns away from me and I loosely wrap my arms around her waist.

If she wanted to, she could leave. I will not trap her against her will.

But she doesn't leave and that gives me a small measure of hope.

"I just wanted to share this day with you." She sounds lost and confused, "Waking up, eating together...just _being _together...I didn't think you would be this mad."

Is that what this was all about? She thinks I'm still holding onto a grudge because she woke me up?

"Rey," I keep my words soft, I don't want her more upset than she is, "look at me."

She refuses to even turn her head.

I cup her jaw, needing to look into her eyes and tell her that I'm not mad about her wanting to spend time with me.

But she resists me with a strength that if I force this, I could leave bruises on her skin.

I won't do that. Not to her.

Not my Rey.

The fact that she is resisting me with so much effort makes my heart clench and my pulse stagger.

I pull my hand away and feel her tense in my arms...as if ready to run.

I lean my head against her hair.

"I'm sorry."

I never meant things to turn out this way. This was not how I wanted to start our day together.

Rey in tears and ready to bolt.

Her hair brushing against my face and I feel her shift in my arms and I lift my head as she turns hers back to me.

Now she's looking at me with heartbreaking eyes and I see the doubt in them and I wonder if I'm going to lose her again.

"Forgive me. Don't leave, not like this."

Incomprehension in her eyes but only for a moment and then they widen, alarm in them.

"Ben," her hands lift to my face and I turn pressing a kiss into her soft palm, needing her touch more than she will ever understand, "I'm not leaving you." I blink at her words, now I'm the one who doesn't understand, "We're just having an argument and I was angry and not thinking...I meant I was going to go out and explore if you wanted to go back to sleep."

Relief so intense I cannot think past her initial words.

She wasn't leaving me.

But the rest of her explanation filters through as I try grasp the nuances of what she is saying.

"An argument," but not the kind I am used to and I lift my head to make sure I am not misinterpreting her words, "is that what this is?"

"Well, more like a difference of opinion," exasperation and tartness that no longer speaks of anger, "You want to sleep...I want to explore."

A difference of opinion and one that can be easily settled...or at least that is what she is telling me.

"I...you make it sound like something simple."

_My mother and my father, arguing but not like their normal bickering. Raised voices and my mother pleading for him to stay, something she never does. Harsh words from my father and then he's gone..._

"It is," I feel her fingers stroking my hair, her voice coaxing me to believe her words, "Really."

I open my eyes to a whisper of a smile on her mouth and she is leaning into, pressing her lips to mine.

The sweet touch of her mouth to mine and I forget what we were arguing about.

There is only this.

Our lips gliding over each other, the gentle curve of her body pressed into mine, the languid heat spilling through my veins as she sighs into me.

She lifts her head, that spark of happiness once more present in her eyes and I can breath again.

If she wants to go and explore this world then I will crawl through every cave, push back every branch and climb over any rock so long as I see this light in her eyes.

"So where did you want to go explore?"

A watery laugh and a shake of her head and I can tell she wasn't expecting me to ask that question.

"I don't care. Anywhere, so long as its with you."

Well that was not exactly helpful and her kiss from earlier wasn't helping with my cognitive ability.

"Give me a minute to think."

A nod of her head and a quiet silence settles between us.

Whatever crisis was brewing has passed over us and for that I am thankful.

It seems Rey and I still have a lot to learn about each other. We just needed time and I know we will make it.

A flash of light from the balcony and Rey is out of my lap as I see the Astiri birds in flight.

She is at the balcony, lifting fingers to them, a look of rapt fascination on her face.

That look alone gives me the answer to my question from earlier.

I get up from my chair, moving slowly so I don't scare Rey or the birds that hold her attention.

"Would you like to see them up close?"

A welcoming smile and I slip my arm around her waist as she leans back into me.

"How?" Interest and skepticism both present, "It's not like we can grow wings and join them."

An amusing thought, my Rey with wings of trailing fire.

"We go to where they nest."

She looks up at me, the birds momentarily forgotten.

"We can?" Excitement sparking her eyes, "You know where to find it?"

This is the Rey I know and adore. I live for the light in her eyes when she looks at me like this.

"Probably, if that is what you want."

I didn't have the exact location but I knew where to find it, if that was her desire.

A quick intake of breath and I know she is about to say yes.

Except she doesn't and I see the light in her eyes bank, dimming.

"What is it?"

I thought she seemed pleased with the idea of finding the Astiri but perhaps I was wrong. If so, she only has to tell me and I will find something else to please her.

"Ben...I am fascinated with the Astiri...but we don't have to go and find them if you just want to stay indoors today."

I blink at her words, it was not the answer I was expecting. She is still thinking about my reaction from earlier, still worried.

I shake my head and sigh, knowing that I need to clear this up between us.

"I have never been a morning person, not even when I was young boy," _my mother pulling the blanket off my bed, even as I tried to burrow my head beneath the pillow, _"I have no excuse to offer you with my poor behavior from earlier...except that I am still getting used to having someone in my life."

I was going to have to live with the fact that Rey was a morning person...just as she was going to have to get used to me needing more than a few minutes to wake up.

A shift of her body and she laying her head on my chest, her arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry too," regret in her voice, " "I was just so happy to wake up next to you and get started I didn't think about how you would feel getting up so early."

"Well I didn't dislike all of it..."

Her head lifts from my chest, startled confusion in her eyes and I cannot help but smile as I remember how she first tried to wake me up.

"Waking up to you kissing me was rather pleasant...until you stopped."

That, more than anything else, is what made me more grumpy than usual.

"Why would you..."

A touch of confusion until I lift an eyebrow at her, sharp amusement in me at her sweet innocence.

I watch the heat come to her skin, hear her soft groan as she buries her head in my chest, finally understanding the meaning behind my response.

"That wasn't nice."

She's the one who sounds grumpy now. Good, at least she knows something of how I felt earlier.

"Neither was your leaving," I point out to her, "Had you stayed..."

A quick lift of her head, unconcealed interest in her eyes.

"Yes? Had I stayed?"

No, I was not going to fall into this particular trap.

"But you didn't."

Rueful annoyance now and she smacks me lightly, just to show me that she is not happy with my answer.

"Stop teasing me."

Given that I was the one who had to take the cold shower this morning and not her, I am disinclined to obey.

"Give me a reason why and I might."

Scattered sunlight in her eyes and she surprises me by sliding her arms around my neck and pulling my head down, her lips brushing my jaw.

"Because if you do," a nip at my jaw and my hands clench around her hips, "whatever you were thinking of this morning," again that brush of fire along my skin, "you can do tonight when we go to bed."

Her words are a sensual invitation and I turn my head as her lips slide across my skin, capturing her mouth and pressing her body against the railing as she surrenders to me.

The heat of her mouth goes straight to my head and I have to pull away, her words still reverberating in my ears.

"I'm going to hold you to that."

Fractured amber blinking at me and husky laughter filled with promise wrapping around me.

A nod of her head as her fingers stroke the edges of my hair.

"You have my promise...so can you really find the Astiri for us?"

Not with her stroking me and looking up at me like that.

I straighten and feel her arms slide away, amusement dancing in her eyes.

She knows what she's doing to me, still teasing.

"Let's find out. Come on."

I take her hand in mine and lead her back to the bedroom.

Mild curiosity in her now as I move to a blank wall adjacent to the bed.

"Ben what are you..."

My fingers find the slight decompression in the wall and the panel slides free, revealing the black screen.

A standard data screen and I quickly input a few command functions and watch as it produces a map of where were currently located.

"How did you know to do that?"

Suspicion in her voice and I cannot help but tease her.

"Because I did my research on this place, that's how."

She tugs her hand free from mine, her lips twitching as she folds her arms over her chest.

"I'll be more impressed if you actually find their location."

Clearly she didn't appreciate my teasing comment and I silently laugh at her pitiful challenge.

A few more inquiries and I have everything we need.

"Come see for yourself."

She shoots me an aggrieved look and walks over, laughter spilling from her as she reads the data scrolling on the screen.

"Show off."

Tart words but the grin on her face tells me that she is pleased...and yes, I was showing off.

"Only for you. Impressed yet?"

Dry amusement in my question and she nods, laughter coating her response.

"Astounded. When do we leave?"

She is eager to begin and I must admit her enthusiasm is hard to ignore and I feel myself warming up to the idea of this exploration.

"Just as soon as we get dressed," I look at the information and remember her previous outfits from yesterday, "Make sure you wear something that you can climb in. I want to talk to the Nymeira before we leave."

"About what?"

She must not have read all the information I pulled up.

"Transport." The Astiri birds had one central location, "The hike to Hisui Mountain is a long one, it would take us all day just to reach it."

A slight bit of confusion on her face and I incline my head to the mountain I see just beyond our balcony.

"That is our destination."


	43. Chapter 43

**Author's Note: **Yeah, you guessed it, update! Sorry this is bit late but you know life and work have a tendency to get in the way of writing :D

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **The lifebloood of writers everywhere...

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_It didn't take much_

_for her to love him_

_one brush of his hand_

_against hers_

_and she was his..._

_branded by his touch_

_forever."_

_-_N.

Rey

"Is that an Aratech 74-Z speeder?"

Ben said he was going to find us transport...but I didn't think he was going to bring out something like this.

My hand slides over the muted gray covering, the sleek design like the blade of a knife.

I had seen holo images of this type of speeder on Jakku but never one up close.

"Civilian model, but yes that's correct. You've seen the Aratech?"

I shake my head even as I move my hands over the handles, noting the controls.

"No, I mean not up close like this. Just holo images on Jakku when traders would come through looking for parts. I made my own speeder but it was nothing compared to this..."

I couldn't keep the longing from my voice.

"Here," I turn at the sound of his voice as he tosses me a helmet, "put that on. You're going to need it."

Bemused I slip the helmet over my head, it covers my ears and the visor shields my eyes but leaves the bottom of my face clear.

I snap the chin strap into place, making sure its secure. If we were taking a speeder I didn't need it falling off mid-ride.

I push the visor up so I can look at the man in front of me. Like me he's dressed for more than just stroll in the woods.

Silvered gray jacket, bound at the wrist but open at the throat and I can see high-neck of the shirt he wears beneath. Not black, but a deep indigo that looks good on him.

Black half-gloves on his hands and his pants are the same silvered gray as his jacket tucked into black boots that end mid-calf.

His hair has that wind-tousled look and I grin. He doesn't look anything like Knight of Ren _or _a member of the First Order.

But even if I met him in passing, I knew he would be no ordinary person. It was the way he carried himself, that gleam in his dark eyes, the slight tilt of his lips.

A confidence that he could take on any challenge and come out the victor.

"What are you grinning about now?"

Mild suspicion in his voice and I laugh, keeping my hand on the front seat of the speeder.

"I'm driving right?"

Ben crosses his arms and leans up against the speeder, a dubious look in his gaze.

"What makes you think you're driving? You already admitted this is your first time seeing this type of speeder."

I roll my eyes at him wondering if he's baiting me.

"True but I built my own speeder from spare parts on Jakku _and _I'm really good with anything that can fly."

He doesn't look convinced and I shrug my shoulders before jumping into the front seat, my hands resting on the handles as I slot my feet into the pedals at the base.

I toss him a look over my shoulder and he's shaking his head but already strapping his own helmet on.

He slides in behind me and taps my helmet, turning on the internal comn.

"You can drive but I'll help steer until you get an understanding of how she works."

I nod my head, delighted that he didn't simply just take over. If I had been with Poe that's exactly what would have happened.

I flip the switches, the vibrations running through me as she comes to life.

His hands settle next to mine on the handles, his body pressed up against me and I can't help but grin.

Now this is what I called fun.

I thrust the handles forward and we shoot out of the dock in a burst of speed and I let out a whoop as we instantly dive over the cliff and drop to the plains below us.

"You're insane." I shiver at the dark timbre of Ben's voice inside my ear, I would never tell him how much I adore the sound of his voice.

"So are you," I tell him with a cocky grin that he cannot see, "you're on here with me."

I just barely caught the soft hint of laughter that came over the comn but it was enough to send a spark of joy through me.

Ben moves his hand over the built in screen and the map displays. The red dot is us and the blue trail is our road to the Astiri.

I need to correct our course and I bank a hard right.

My heart in my throat as the speeder tips dangerously to one side but Ben is already compensating, realigning the bike so that I don't send us crashing into the ground.

I had no idea these speeders were that temperamental.

"Work with the speeder not against it," I listen to his advice, his hands moving from the handle to rest on my hips, "adjust your weight accordingly with the movements and you won't tip us."

I nod my head and once more we have to make a course correction as we fly over a small river.

This time I'm ready and we turn smoothly and I'm starting to understand how she maneuvers.

Ben's hands once more rest on the handles as we make our way through a small forest that we need to pass through in order to get to the mountain.

I already miss the feel of his hands on my hips.

Dense tree's loom ahead of us and I swallow hard. An open plain is one thing, I can see any obstacles and avoid them but this is something else altogether.

Visions of crashing into tree, a tangle of broken limbs as Ben and I are hurled from the speeder.

"Relax, I'm right here with you. You can do this Rey."

I nod my head and take in a deep breath as we enter the forest. Ben is here and he believes in me.

I can do this.

Left...right, a side swipe of a bush, another left. I laugh as we weave in and around the trees but that laughter turns into a yelp as an outcropping of rocks appears from nowhere.

Ben pulling back on the handles, lifting us abruptly up and over the rocks. The momentum lifts me from my seat for a couple of seconds before I come back down and adrenaline spikes through my blood and we're back weaving through the trees.

The forest ends and we shoot out, the plains opening back up and I can see the mountain closer now but still a distance away.

My throat is dry and my stomach, despite our breakfast from earlier, is growling at me.

"Let's stop and take a break. I need something to drink."

"Agreed."

I slow the speeder and we come to a halt and I turn on the anti-gravity.

My bones still feel like their vibrating as I slide off, pulling my helmet away as I shake my head, trying to get rid of the numb feeling.

My braid slaps my shoulders as I stretch out my arms. I've been bent over the speeder for so long, my back has a kink in it.

"Are you alright?"

I turn to Ben, he's moved to the back of the speeder digging through a black satchel that I'm just now seeing.

He's looking at me, concern in his eyes and I nod my head.

"Just a bit stiff from being bent over. It's almost gone. When did you pack that?"

I nod my head to the bag as he pulls out a canteen and tosses it to me.

I unscrew the cap and sigh as the cool water hits my parched throat and drink deeply.

"This morning, when you were getting ready. The Nymeira had it waiting for me when I asked for transport to get us to the mountain."

A slight lift of his mouth as he takes a long drink himself.

Of course the Nymeira had it ready for us, why am I not surprised.

They seemed to be able to anticipate exactly what we need.

"Here," Ben at my side tucking a strand of hair back into my braid as he hands me something else, "this should help."

I look down at the square, crimson bar in my hand.

"What is it?"

"Food."

I look up at him and he gives me a dry look. "I heard your stomach, so don't tell me you're not hungry."

I poke my tongue out at him before biting into the square. It was tough yet chewy, tasting faintly of berries.

All in all, it wasn't bad and he was right, it helped. I didn't feel so ravenous anymore.

Almost half the bar was gone.

"What is this?"

"Protein square," and my confused stare he gives a dry laugh and explains, "a quick way to replenish energy."

I break off a piece and offer it to him.

"Come one," I coax him when he looks like he's about to refuse me, "you barely ate anything at breakfast."

"I had coffee."

I make a face at him, refusing to back down. "Coffee is not breakfast, so eat."

A sigh and he takes my offering.

I think he did it just to please me but I don't care. I notice that Ben rarely thinks to take care of himself, so I guess that's my job now.

One I am more than happy to take on.

We finish off the protein square, I managed to get him to take several more bites and we store our canteens back in the satchel.

The sun is still climbing over the ridge of the world and I have to guess that it is still early morning.

"We should reach the mountain before it gets too late."

I look at Ben, my hands resting on my helmet I was about to put back on.

"Why?"

"The Astiri take flight during dawn and dusk. Late morning and through the day they settle in to rest, so they'll be harder to find."

It was a good thing this planet's days were longer than normal because we were still a bit of away off from the mountain.

"We'd better get to it then."

I pull my helmet on but turn moving closer to Ben.

"What is it?"

I reach up and fasten the strap beneath his chin.

A curious look in his eyes and I grin.

He was going to get used to me taking care of him.

"Nothing."

I finish with my own helmet and swing my legs over the speeder, Ben right behind me.

"Ready?"

His hands coming around my waist instead of the handle bars.

"Always. It's open fields from here to Hisui, why don't you see how fast she'll go?"

I laugh with delight, I knew there was a reason I fell in love with this man.

"Remember," I tell him as I flip the ignition switch, "you told me to do this."

I hit the thrust, feel his arms tighten around me as we take off across the plain and I laugh as the landscape becomes nothing but an endless blur of color.

Now this was freedom.

"So, what do you think?"

I tug my helmet off and shake my head as I gaze up at the 'mountain'.

It is unlike anything I've ever seen. I knew it looked green in the distance but I hadn't expected it to be covered completely in interlocking vines.

We left the speeder a few feet from the base and I couldn't see anything of rock beneath the heavy carpet of vines.

Even now as I looked up I could see the Astiri in flight, gliding lazily on the thermals.

We were definitely in the right spot.

"Can't use grappling guns, nothing to get a good grip on."

I didn't trust the grips to grab onto the vines and not bite through them and have Ben and I plummeting to our death.

"We climb."

I look at Ben whose been studying the vines, tugging here and there on certain sections, a sense of concentration to him.

I go over to where he's standing, wanting to make sure I heard him correctly.

"Climb? How?"

Ben reached over and tugs on the vines, hard. Except for a few bits of soil that come loose, they didn't budge.

"Using these. They're anchored into the mountain and we can climb them like we would a grid."

He notes the spacing between the interlocking vines and I see what he's talking about.

It's just enough that we can wedge our hands and feet between them. I give a tug on the vines myself and they seem solid enough. I hope he's right about them being anchored into the mountain.

"How far do you think we have to climb?"

I couldn't even see the mountain peak, it was beyond the cloud cover and I didn't think my lungs would survive the high altitude without a respirator.

"Roughly twenty meters. There should be a circular depression in the mountain, that's where your Astiri nest."

"You know this how?"

He glances at me, an arrogant curve of his lips. "Because I read the information, that's how."

I roll my eyes at him but I'm grinning.

"I've never climbed anything except rusting AT-AT and Destroyers but it's same principle right?"

A twitch of his lips but he's nodding his head. "In theory. Wait there."

He goes back to the speeder, pulling the satchel from the back end and slinging it to the ground between us.

"What are you..."

I don't get to finish my question when he pulls my hand into his, stripping off my glove.

"Ben?"

"You'll need these."

They look the same as my other gloves, but heavier. I don't understand why he's changing them, until he presses the seam around my wrist and my fingertips begin to glow with a faint, blue light.

"Gravitational grips?"

I look up at him and he nods his head at my question.

"I don't want you falling off the mountain."

"Good idea. Tell me you packed a pair for yourself."

"I did."

He strips off his and now his hands have that same glow as mine.

"What else is in the pack?"

"Food and drink, we'll probably be here for most of the day."

He picks it up and settles the bag on his shoulders, then looks at me.

"Ready to climb a mountain?"

I grin at him and tug at his hand.

"I was born ready. Come on, let's go find the Astiri."

There was an ache between my shoulder blades that wasn't there this morning and I have sweat dripping down the side of my face and into the collar of my jacket.

Climbing the vines was a slow process as we had to pick our path with care.

I shake my head as soil loosens, sending dirt and debris raining down over me as I move my hand across the vines.

I was going to need a long, hot shower after today.

Ben was only a step ahead of me, forging our path. I don't know what he's climbed in his past, but whatever it was he's good at it and I can only sigh at his fluid movements.

"Ben!" I yell up at him as I move up another foot, "how much further?"

"Another five meters!"

We were high enough now that the Astiri were diving from the cliff, the brush of their wings so close that it stirred the breeze where we were climbing.

I could hear the chatter of small animals that lived inside the vines. As long as one of them didn't come out and try to bite me, I didn't care about the noise.

We gain another meter, and then another.

More dirt and debris in my face and I am in desperate need for a drink. I hope the Nymeira packed enough because I feel like I could swallow a lake of water right about now.

That ache becomes a dull throb and I grit my teeth. I thought I was in great shape but climbing these vines was _not _like climbing the ruined carcasses of the AT-AT and Destroyers on Jakku.

Ben disappears over the edge and I sigh in relief, we've finally made it to the depression.

The home of the Astiri.

He's leaning over, offering me his hand and I grasp his wrist as he pulls me over the lip.

My foot tangles in one the vines and I give a yell as Ben yanks me free, sending us both tumbling to the ground, me landing on top of him.

We're both laughing as he props up on his elbows, his hair wind-tousled and a streak of dirt across one cheek.

He looks magnificent and I can't help but lean in and brush my lips across his.

His mouth opens beneath mine, deepening our kiss and I taste the salt from his lips, addicted to the way his mouth fits perfectly over mine.

The sharp cry of a bird has me lifting my head, remembering why we're up on the mountain in the first place.

I sigh and scramble off of Ben, both of us getting back to our feet.

"Well that was quite the...adventure..."

I just realized how high up we are and the view from the edge of the depression robs me of speech.

The landscape is a sweep of color before me. I can see an ocean in the far distance, vast expansion of water that ripples in different hues of blue and green.

Tracts of forest, the tree's red and purple and pink with blooming flowers. Animals racing across the open plains but are specks in the distance and I can't tell what they are.

More mountains surrounding us, liquid sunlight falling from peaks as the rising sun catches the water perfectly.

"Ben...it's so beautiful..."

"Yes it is."

I look back at him, wondering what view he likes best but he isn't looking at the landscape.

He's looking at me.

I can feel the blaze of heat across my face as he stands there, watching me with those raven eyes of his.

The naked love in his gaze undoes me and I wonder if it's impossible to be more in love with him than I already am.

"Ben," I reach out my hand to him and he comes to my side, our fingers intertwined as I lean my head against his sun-warmed shoulder, "thank you."

"For what?"

"For this. For just being here with me."

I feel the press of his lips on top of my head.

"I would do anything for you Rey," I hear a sigh in his voice and he speaks so quietly that I nearly miss his other words, "_almost _anything."

I wonder at the muted sadness I hear and I lift my head from his shoulder, about to ask him when two Astiri shoot up in front of us, diving and spiraling directly above us.

The sparks from their wings dance over us and I laugh as I feel no heat from them, my question forgotten in their fiery display of acrobatics.

Ben shakes his head and pulls me away from the cliff edge and back to where he put the satchel down on the ground.

Now that I've gotten over my wonderment of the view I take a good, long look at where we're at.

It's as if someone planted a miniature garden up here. There are craggy rocks that stream tiny waterfalls into a sunken pool next to the cliff that turns into a larger waterfall, making it look like liquid sunlight as the light captures the spray.

Several Astiri are in the pool and the gentle current pulls them over the edge and I gasp as they take flight, the water spreading from their wings in a prism of colors.

Tree's in the distance, limbs covered in azure flowers, surrounded by green. The ground beneath me is a lush carpet of grass, dotting flowers of white, blushing rose and vibrant yellow.

A hidden paradise tucked away in a mountain.

I hear the call of the birds as they circle the air, some going back into the pool others landing in the tree's in the distance.

"This is amazing."

"It has a certain pleasantness to it I suppose."

I look over at Ben and feel my lips twitching in suppressed amusement. Leave it to him to describe one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen as 'pleasant'.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting us food and drink. You sound like you could use it."

I sigh and wonder if his practical nature ever lets him enjoy the small things in life.

Yes my throat was dry and the protein square we had was hours ago but _still..._I sigh and mentally shake my head.

There was no use arguing with him about trying to enjoy life. I was simply going to have to show him.

I drop to my knee's behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his jacket.

I feel him start before he gently lays his hand over my arms.

"Rey?"

"I just want to hug you," I mumble as I rub my nose against his jacket, "is that okay?"

"I...yes..." a huff of laughter, "you don't need my permission for a hug. You can touch me anytime you want."

I was going to hold him to that.

I pull away, his hand just barely tightening on mine before letting me go and I lift up on my knee's, settling my arms across his shoulders so I can lean over him.

"So what did you pack for us to eat?"

My face next to his and he looks at me, dry amusement in his eyes. I grin and press a kiss to his temple.

"Now you want food."

I give him a playful shove. "I always want food and besides you're the one who mentioned it first."

"My mistake."

"Ben!"

I laugh and shove him again but this time he catches me and I tumble into his lap.

Our movements scare the Astiri and half a dozen of them take flight as a few more squawk indignantly at us from the pool.

Both of us are laughing now and I adore the sound of his laughter, a bright spark against my soul.

If he can laugh then there is hope for him yet.

I grin up at him, my legs dangling over his lap as his arm cradles me.

"Um, food?"

"You have to get off me first."

I make a face at him and sit up.

"That's no fun."

"Whoever said I was fun?"

"I did."

A tug on my braid and I roll my eyes at him but get off.

I settle next to him as he hands me a small, sealed container.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. The Nymeira already had it packed and waiting for me."

Well only one way to find out.

I opened the lid to find small rolls stuffed with meat and cheese, slices of fruit and nuts.

I pick up a roll and bite into it.

The bread is soft in my mouth, the cheese a mellow flavor and the meat had a sharp bite to it.

I close my eyes and sigh in pleasure. They really knew how to make food on this planet. Going back to field rations when I rejoin the Resistance might be harder than I thought.

The Resistance. Tomorrow was the third day and if I knew Finn and Poe, they would be here at first light.

I sigh, my pleasure dimming at the thought.

"Do you not like the food Rey?"

I blink, coming out of my thoughts at his question. I focus on Ben, I note he's been packed the same food and already on his second roll.

"Oh no, I mean, yes I like it." I blow out a breath, "Sorry I guess I got lost in thought."

He looks at me with questions in his eyes but he doesn't ask.

I shake my head, pushing back thoughts of the Resistance and my friends. There was time enough for that, right now I just wanted to focus on Ben.

"I'll tell you later."

"Alright."

We eat our meal in peaceful silence, the Astiri all around us and it is enough.

For now.

There are bits of bread and a few slices of fruit still left in my container when I hear a rustle from one of the clumping bushes near us.

I look for the Astiri...but there are none around and they are large enough birds that I can spot them easily.

Another rustle and the bush shakes and I freeze.

"Rey?"

"Shhh." I put a finger to my lips and point at the bush.

Another rustle and Ben goes motionless as well.

The Astiri haven't given out a warning cry so whatever is in the bushes can't be a threat to them.

So what is making that sound?

Another rustle...and then a small, pink nose appear amid the green.

Moving slowly it begins to emerge.

First a pointed nose, then an angled head that is pure white with wide, black eyes and ears at least six inches in length with black tuffs at ends that swivel individually on its head.

It was creeping closer and it was bigger than what I expected. Delicate white paws with curved black nails, it's body covered in soft, white fur.

I sucked in a silent breath as I note the feathered wings tucked to its side with black tipped edges and a long, slim tail that was tuffed black at the end.

I had no idea what it was except it was incredibly cute.

Its nose was wiggling in my direction and I must have made a sound because it immediately darted back into the bush.

It was so fast I barely had time to blink before it disappeared.

"Oh I think I scared it..."

I wonder what had caught its attention...and I looked down at the remnants of my food.

Maybe it was hungry too.

I still had some fruit left, and I pull out a piece and set it on the ground a few feet from where I was sitting.

"It's okay," I whisper, "you can come back."

The bush gives a shiver and I see the nose reappear.

Once more I go motionless as the creature emerges, its long ears swiveling continuously as it creeps closer.

It looks at my offering, the nose wiggling again as it creeps closer to the fruit.

The mouth opens revealing delicate fanged teeth as he takes my piece of fruit.

He sits back on large hind legs, holding the piece in his front paws, his wings spread out on the ground.

I can barely breath and I wish I could capture an image of him.

An Astiri let out a cry and I nearly fall back on Ben when the creature lets out a piercing whistle and takes flight, a flash of white light on wings before he disappears from my sight.

I put my hand to my chest, my heart beating rapidly.

"Ben...what was that?"

"I thought those extinct..."

I look at Ben but his eyes are lifted to the sky as if trying to track that strange, adorable creature.

"Ben," I give his arm a shake and he looks back at me, "tell me."

"It can't be...but if I had to guess, I would say it was an _umesingeo._"

I wasn't even going to try to wrap my tongue around that word.

"Say that again...but in basic so I can understand it."

A twitch of his lips and I know he's silently laughing at me.

"There really isn't a translation...but taken literally it mean 'bunnyhawk'."

I blink and let out a giggle.

"_Bunnyhawk_...but that sounds so...harmless!"

I remember the delicate fanged teeth, the black claws and the speed at which it moved.

Cute yes, harmless, doubtful.

A shake of his head and he hands me another canteen to drink out of.

"That's why the word is rarely translated into basic. But that animal...it was to have died out during the Clone Wars."

"Why?"

"_Umesingeo _were used as trackers, they could also be used to send messages when communication signals were being monitored. They're fast, as you saw and hard to catch."

"And you can't hack data from a live animal."

It made sense and I was sad to learn that they had been destroyed but at least one still survived.

Perhaps more did then as well.

"How did you know what that was if they're suppose to be extinct?"

Hesitation from Ben and I look at him, waiting to see how he will respond.

"I might have glimpsed one when I was boy...with Kanata."

There was a slash of color across his face and it made me think that maybe he and Maz got into some mischief when he was a child.

"Oh?"

He shakes his head at me and pulls my now empty container from my lap.

"It was a long time ago."

"Everything with you is a long time ago."

He lifts an eyebrow to me and I wrinkle my nose at him, but I don't press. I know its still difficult for him to remember his childhood.

I was hopeful that would change soon.

I get to my feet and shrug out of my jacket, the sun is climbing high enough that I can feel a trickle of sweat down my spine.

Too many layers.

Ben looks at me and I grin at him, hands on my hip.

"What?"

"You look...nice."

I shake my head and laugh. "I have dirt in my hair and probably on my face as well, I doubt I look anything close to 'nice' but thank you anyway."

Ben puts our containers away and shrugs out of his own jacket and my mouth waters instantly.

Did any man have the right to be handsome as he was?

The shirt had a high neck but short sleeved and tight across his body. The dark indigo was striking against his fair skin and I felt the punch of desire just looking at him.

He was gorgeous...and mine.

"What?"

I feel the blaze of heat at he catches me watching him and I turn my head away, so he doesn't see my telltale blush.

"Umm," I have to remember that I have a brain and words, "so what now?"

"You said you wanted to see the Astiri, so that's what we're going to do."

He offer me his hand, no longer protected by gloves, and his skin is warm next to mine.

"Okay."

He tugs me to the forest, not the pool like I thought he would.

The flowers brush against our legs and I lean down to touch the tips of them with my fingers.

Ben simply waits for me before we continue our walk towards the woods.

I still can't believe we're on a mountain and not the ground.

The blooming trees provide some relief from the sun and I hear the Astiri closer now.

We keep walking and I look to the treetops, a flash of bright wings that disappears into green and blue.

"Do you know where we're going?" I whisper to him, not wanting to scare the birds.

"No."

That startles laughter out of me and he tugs on my hand taking us further in.

The tree's begin to thin out and I can see motes of sunlight breaking through ahead of us.

We walk out of the tree's to a small glade that is filled with flowers and flat, gray rocks...with the Astiri sunning themselves. Their wings are draped over the rocks with their tails curling around the bases.

Two's and three's at a time, more than a dozen, all asleep in the sun.

"Ben...you found them."

I grip his hand tightly, delighted at how close they were to us.

"We found them."

I look at him and he sighs but nods his head.

"If you're quiet, you can get a better look. Just don't touch them."

He lets go of my hand and I pause as he settles himself against the base of a tree, his legs stretched out.

"You're not coming with me?"

He shakes his head, lacing his fingers together.

"I can watch from here. You go on ahead."

I nod my head and grin, turning back to the sleeping birds. Slowly I move across the glade, the sun warm on my face and arms as I stare at these beautiful, wild birds.

I get down on my knee's in the grass, the scent of flowers and something more, a sharp spice that fills the air.

A gentle trill next to me and I realize some of the Astiri are snoring and I have to cover my hand over my mouth, stifling my laughter.

I move to a sitting position so close now I could reach out and stroke their wings but I remember Ben's warning and simply watch as the sun sets fire to their feathers.

They were so peaceful, so captivating that I could only sigh and watch them sleep.

It was perfect.


	44. Chapter 44

**Author's Update: **Sooo...it's been a while hasn't it? I didn't forget about our Dyad but life has a way of beating you down when you least expect it to. I want to thank all of my readers for your reminders and support and for sticking with me, even when I suck at updating.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Stars Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews...Reviews...**: A small light in the darkness...

"_I have never felt_

_such a beautiful solitude_

_in someone's existence before_

_The _peace _in you_

_calms_

_the _storm _in me."_

_-_Anjum Choudhary

Ben Solo

"Is that an Aratech 74-Z speeder?"

She couldn't hide her excitement, not from me. I turned and watched as she moved over to the transport her fingers gliding over the fitting.

"Civilian model, but yes that's correct. You've seen the Aratech then?"

I had thought to surprise her but I didn't imagine that she would have already come across this type of speeder on Jakku.

However she is shaking her head at me, even as I watch her study the controls, her fingers lingering on the handles.

"No, I mean not up close like this." There, that hint of longing in her voice, a touch of wistful envy, "Just holo images on Jakku when traders would come through looking for parts. I made my own speeder but it was nothing compared to this..."

I turn from her so she doesn't see the smile I can feel coming. It seems my surprise for her wasn't ruined after all. I pick up the helmet I found specifically for her.

"Here," I turn and toss her the helmet, the flash of surprise in her gaze as she catches it, "put that on. You're going to need it."

As she fixes the helmet into place, I take a moment to study her.

She's dressed for more than just a walk in the woods. The form fitting jacket and tight pants are similar in cut to mine, the black boots wrapped around her calf should suit well to mountain terrain.

The pearl-gray and aquamarine coloring compliments her sun-kissed skin, her dark hair vivid against the muted tones.

She could be dressed in rags and still look beautiful.

She pops the visor up on the helmet and her eyes sweep over me, a grin splitting her face.

She has that spark of mischief I am coming to know all too well.

"What are you grinning about now?"

Her hand is still resting on the driver's seat.

"I'm driving right?"

She has that lift of her chin, the gleam in her eyes that tells me no matter what I say, she's already made up her mind.

I lean against the speeder, folding my arms across my chest.

"What makes you think you're driving?" I keep my words mild but I see her fingers dig into the leather padded seat, "You already admitted this is your first time seeing this type of speeder."

Again that spark in her gaze, her refusal to back down from any challenge. It was that same spark that drew me to her when we first met.

A sense that her will was equal to my own.

A slight roll of her eyes and her lips twitch in amusement.

"True but I built my own speeder from spare parts on Jakku _and _I'm really good with anything that can fly."

Of that I have no doubt, I've seen her flying skills firsthand. She doesn't wait for me answer but swings up into the drivers seat, slotting her feet into the pedals at the base.

A wicked curve of her lips, as though challenging me to dare to tell her differently.

I can only shake my head at her daring or perhaps her audacity and strap my own helmet on.

I'm going to need it especially if this really is her first time on an Aratech. I take up my position behind her, tapping the side of her helmet to turn on the comm so that we can hear each other without the wind cutting off our words.

"You can drive," I tell her and see the delight in her eyes, "but I'll help steer until you get an understanding of how she works."

Rey nods her head, none of her enthusiasm dimmed at my caution. Her fingers flip the ignition switch, the speeder coming to life and I quickly slide my arms next to hers to grip the handles.

Her body fits perfectly in the curve of mine, the scent of sunlight and flowers still surrounding me but muted by the helmet.

Just the nearness of her makes the blood in my veins speed up and that was before she hit the throttle and shot us out of the bunker. My hands tighten automatically on the handles and Rey lets out a maniacal glee of laughter as we drop over the cliff and speed towards the open plain.

The sharp swoop of my stomach at the sudden drop has me gritting my teeth.

Rey is laughing harder.

"You're insane." I mutter darkly, knowing full well she can hear me but I cannot help but admire her lust for life.

In many ways my Rey has almost no fear of the new and the unknown.

"So are you," bright laughter in my head, a touch of feminine smugness that caresses me with languid fingers, "you're on here with me."

The laughter escaped me before I could stop it. She wasn't wrong and I don't bother to deny her words.

I move my hands over the panel, noting that Rey in her enthusiasm to test the speeder, forgot to turn on the map. The display comes up instantly, our coordinates already in place.

We're off the heading we need to reach the mountain home of the Astiri and Rey banks a hard right to adjust our course.

I hear the near inaudible gasp from her when the speeders dips dangerously to the ground.

Too much pressure and I quickly shift our bodies, stabilizing the speeder so that it doesn't send us crashing.

My Rey might have built a speeder of her own, but it seemed she still needed a few lessons on how to handle this one.

"Work with the speeder not against it," I move my hands from the handles to her hips, shifting her body minutely for better alignment,"adjust your weight accordingly with the movements and you won't tip us."

A nod of her head and another turn is coming up, I keep my hands on her hips but she moves through the turn with an ease that might have surprised anyone else.

She was always a fast learner that much is apparent and reluctantly I pull my hands from the smooth curve of her body and back to the handles.

We're nearing the forest we need to pass through in order to get to the mountain and I can feel the tension in her body that wasn't there moments ago.

For all of her skill, she still doubts herself.

"Relax, I'm right here with you," I speak softly, to remind her that she isn't alone, "You can do this Rey."

I believe in her. She needs to do the same.

Her body loosens, no longer so tight and rigid against mine just as we enter the edge of the forest.

She moves the machine with an ease that speaks of years of practice, instead of a matter of hours.

Laughter from her as she pulls us in and around the tree's, I cannot help but feel amused as well until an outcropping of rocks turns her laughter to a gasp of fright.

I'm already pulling the handles back, thrusting us upward and over the rocks so we don't smash against them. The momentum lifts Rey from her seat but I have my arms locked around her and she's back against me in a matter of seconds.

Her hands are still locked around the controls and as soon as we clear the rocks, she's back to controlling the speeder. We move deftly through the rest of the forest and quickly pass through it and back to the open plain.

"Let's stop and take a break. I need something to drink."

Her voice sounds dry and I can hear the growl of her stomach even above the wind.

"Agreed."

She pulls back on the thrust, the speeder coming to a smooth halt as the anti-gravity flips on.

My arms are stiff from being locked in one place for so long but nothing that I can't deal with. I slide my helmet off, my sense of hearing still off but quickly returning.

Rey is pulling off her helmet and shaking her head, as though trying to dislodge something.

No doubt feeling that same sense of disorientation I am.

I swing my legs over the side and go to the satchel that the Nymeira packed for us upon learning where I wanted to take Rey.

I turn at the sound of her movement.

She's moving slowly and I see her hands go to her back, stretching out her spine with a mild grimace of pain on her face.

"Are you alright?"

Perhaps the speeder wasn't the best choice for transport after all.

She looks at me, a slightly amused smile on her lips.

"Just a bit stiff from being bent over. It's almost gone," she gives a nod of he head in my direction, "When did you pack that?"

Her voice cracks and I dig out a canteen of water and toss it to her. She deftly catches it and quickly unscrews the cap.

"This morning, when you were getting ready," I had to find something to occupy myself, being in the same room when Rey was dressing was too much of a temptation for my control, "The Nymeira had it waiting for me when I asked for transport to get us to the mountain."

I can hear her sigh of relief as she takes a long swallow and I take my own drink as well. The cool water hits my throat and I find that I am just as thirsty as my companion.

Again I hear the growl of her stomach, a reminder that I need to feed her.

Finding what I'm looking for I walk over to her, unable to resist tucking back a strand of her hair that has come loose from her tight braid.

"Here," I lift her hand and place the square of food into it, "this should help."

"What is it?"

I can't help but feel amused at her dubious expression.

"Food."

She looks up at me, I can see the refusal in her eyes and stop her before she can get the words out.

"I heard your stomach, so don't tell me you're not hungry."

Eyes flashing she pokes her tongue out at me before biting into my offering.

I hold back my laughter, but barely.

"What is this?"

She's eaten half the bar and she doesn't sound angry, but curious.

I shrug my shoulders.

"Protein square," at her confused look and I can't help but shake my head and laugh at her sweet naivete, "a quick way to replenish energy."

Comprehension now and she breaks off a piece, holding it up to me.

"Come on," sweet, coaxing words from her lips, "you barely ate anything at breakfast."

"I had coffee." I point out to her but she's shaking her head at me and I see that same glint from earlier in her eyes.

"Coffee is not breakfast, so eat."

Clearly she isn't going to take 'no' for an answer today. I sigh and take the piece she offers me.

The bar tastes of berries and it is not the worst thing I have ever eaten. The sugar hits my blood and I have to admit, I feel better because of it.

Somehow, and I don't know how she managed it, I finish off her protein square.

I wasn't planning on eating, I just wanted to take care of her.

There is pleased look in her eye when she gazes at me when she thinks I was too busy putting the canteens away to notice.

It seems Rey has taken on the task of taking care of me. It is a disturbing feeling to be cared for in such a way.

Not unpleasant, but disturbing because I find that I have no defense against it.

I would do nearly anything to please Rey, to see her smile.

"We should reach the mountain before it gets too late."

The sun is still climbing, we have time yet, but we shouldn't linger.

"Why?"

He hand is resting on her helmet, she was about to put it back on before I spoke up.

"The Astiri take flight during dawn and dusk," her eyes widen and I thought she might not know that bit of information, "Late morning and through the day they settle in to rest, so they'll be harder to find."

I didn't want to make this trip only for Rey to miss the birds that held her fascination.

"We'd better get to it then."

She pulls her helmet on but leaves the straps dangling.

I nod my head and pull my own helmet on, but my fingers stop from locking it into place.

Rey has walked over to my side, a curious light in her gaze.

"What is it?"

If she had a question, she didn't need to be next to me to ask it. I could still hear her.

Her hands lift, brushing away mine to fasten my helmet into place herself.

"Nothing."

Again that odd sensation of being taken care. I look at her and she grins at me, the task now complete.

Deftly she straps hers in place and swings up onto the speeder and I am right behind her, pulling my body around hers.

"Ready?"

I slide my arms around her waist, holding her tightly to me. Even through her clothing I can feel the heat of her body, the tremble of her excitement.

"Always," I tell her," It's open fields from here to Hisui, why don't you see how fast she'll go?"

My Rey likes to push boundaries, to see where limits ends and I see no reason not indulge that particular quirk of hers.

"Remember," she murmurs not bothering to hide her delight as she opens up the vents, "you told me to do this."

I tighten my hold as she thrusts the handlebars forward, the landscape nothing more than a colorful blur now as we pick up the pace.

But it is the sound of her laughter, unfettered and free that makes my heart accelerate and sets wings to my soul.

Time passes without thought or consequence and soon enough we are where we need to be.

She pulls back on the speeder, coasting us to a stop as I gaze up at the 'mountain'.

A tangled mess of interlocking vines that looks like the roots of a giant tree molded into the shape of a mountain.

I frown as I tug off my helmet, the cool breeze cooling the sweat on my neck.

"What do you think?"

Rey is removing her helmet, frowning at the mountain as well.

She lifts her gaze and I do the same, watching the Astiri take wing and dive off the cliff, only to turn sharply and shoot back up towards its fellows.

"Can't use grappling guns, nothing to get a good grip on."

I am of the same mind and I swing off the speeder.

I need to get a 'feel' of this mountain before I decide how to get us to the top. The vines are thicker than what I first imagined and I give a sharp tug on one of them.

A bit of loose soil but solid. I check another section, putting my weight behind it.

Again, a bit of loose soil that was clinging to the outer wall but the vine remains intact and more importantly, in place.

The interlocking vines makes a living grid and the spaces between them...

"We climb."

Rey is at my side, her fingers touching the thick vines, a small frown on her face.

"Climb? How?"

I forget that Rey spent most of her life on a desert planet. She scavenged wrecks of the Old Empire, metal and constructs, not living material.

I give a tug on the vines, showing her what I mean.

"Using these. They're anchored into the mountain and we can climb them like we would a grid."

I give a nod of my head to the diamond shaped opening's where the vines intersect each other.

They were large enough that we could wedge our hands and feet into them.

Rey reaches out and gives the vine a sharp tug, much like I did and gives a nod of her head.

She still looks dubious but not unwilling.

"How far do you think we have to climb?"

I look up to where the Astiri are nothing more than bright specks in the air.

Hard to say but I do a quick calculation in my head based on the data I read on their nesting grounds.

"Roughly twenty meters. There should be a circular depression in the mountain, that's where your Astiri nest."

Rey gives me that disbelieving look, I doubt she was expecting that precise of an answer.

"You know this how?"

I can't help but feel smug amusement at her question. She needs to stop underestimating me.

"Because I read the information, that's how."

She rolls her eyes at me, clearly unimpressed but I see the grin tugging at her lips and my fondness for her grows only deeper.

"I've never climbed anything except rusting AT-AT and Destroyers but same principle right?"

A nonchalance to her words, another tug on a vine and I watch her fingers scrape over the rough surface.

As if this was just another everyday adventure for her.

Perhaps it was.

I can feel my lips twitching in dry amusement at her utter lack of fear for the unknown.

"In theory," I tell her and frown at her thin gloves, "wait there."

I go back to the speeder and pull out the satchel and return to Rey, dropping the bag between us.

"What are you...?"

But I don't give her time to finish the rest of her question. I found what I was searching for and grab her hands, stripping her of the thin gloves she now wears.

"Ben?"

Soft hesitation in her voice as she calls my name but I'm focused on my task.

"You'll need these."

The fibers were thicker, more dense around the fingertips and palm, covering up to her wrists.

She doesn't speak but I can feel her impatience and quickly press the hidden button to activate her gloves.

Her fingertips glow faintly blue and I hear the soft intake of her breath.

"Gravitational grips?"

I knew she would recognize them.

She looks up at me, as if wanting me to confirm her question.

I nod my head and narrow my eyes at her.

"I don't want you falling off the mountain."

Again that grin that on her face.

"Good idea," a pause and she narrows her eyes at me, "Tell me you packed a pair for yourself."

It wasn't a question but I answer anyway.

"I did."

Now that I had Rey taken care of, I pull out my own set and quickly activate them.

"What else is in the pack?"

Rey, curious as an Andolorain cat.

"Food and drink," I reply as I make sure the satchel is properly shut, "we'll probably be here for most of the day."

I adjust the straps and sling the bag onto my back. I'm not certain how much experience Rey has with actual climbing and I don't need her to feel off balance carrying additional weight.

"Ready to climb a mountain?"

She grins at me, tugging on my hand as we decide where we should start.

"I was born ready. Come on, let's go find the Astiri."

I wonder if she would be so enthusiastic in the hours to come.

The vines provide a strong hold as I carefully place my hands between the wedges and move ever upward. Sweat down my spine, the straps from the bag cutting into my shoulders.

A minor inconvenience, this ache. I turn my head to look down at Rey who is following in my steps, half a foot behind me.

I can see her forehead gleaming, the absolute concentration on her face as she places her hands carefully into the holds.

She's careful but moves with a confidence that only makes me admire her more.

As if sensing my gaze she lifts her head up, fine tendrils of hair clinging to the side of her face.

"Ben!" She is now a foot away from me, I can barely hear her over the wind, "how much further?"

I look up, gauging the distance and the fact that the Astiri are much more discernible now.

"Another five meters!"

A nod of her head and I turn back to my own task of finding the right path to get us up the edge of the depression.

I can hear the quiet chatter of the mountain inhabitants and ignore them. Our presence has made them afraid to come out of their nests and I have no fear of being startled or bitten.

We gain another meter and then another.

Soil rains down on me from my last hold and I can feel the dirt in my teeth where I took a breath.

I was going to need to wash my mouth out after this climb.

I could see the edge of the depression and glance back at Rey. She is following in my wake but the flush on her skin and the slight tremble I see in her arms has me worried and I concentrate on getting up and over the edge so that we can both rest.

I quickly climb over the edge and drop the pack from my shoulders, it feels like it gained twenty pounds on the way up here.

I make my way back to the edge, Rey is in sight and I lean over, offering her my hand.

She grasps my wrists, a look of gratitude in her gaze as I start to pull her up.

Her foot tangles in the vine and I swear silently in my head as I give her a hard yank, sending a tendril of the Force to release her trapped foot.

She lets out a startled yelp when she suddenly break free, the momentum sending us tumbling to the ground as Rey lands on top of me.

It is an absurd way to end our climb and both of us are laughing as I manage to get some leverage beneath me and prop myself up on my elbows to look at Rey.

Her face is still flush, but her smile eclipses the sun above us. Dirt across the bridge of her nose and chin and she has strands of hair plastered to her face.

She is without a doubt the most beguiling woman I have ever come across.

The laughter dies on her lips, her amber eyes softening as she gazes at me.

The brush of her mouth across mine is better than any cool sip of water I could desire.

I open my mouth, demanding she do the same as I stroke my tongue over hers, the needy sound from her mouth going straight to my head.

The salt from her lips, the taste of sunlight in my blood and I know I will never grow weary of kissing her.

The sharp cry of the Astiri has Rey pulling from me, her eyes searching the sky for the elusive birds and I give a silent sigh.

So much for our moment.

She sigh and lifts off of me, getting to her feet so that I can get to mine.

I would not have minded having her rest on me a bit longer.

"Well that was quite the...adventure..."

The words die as she turns from me, taking in the scenery around us.

The view from up here is enough to make one pause.

But I am not interested in the scenery, instead I watch the woman take in the world around us.

Her lips are parted, a look of wonder that turns burning amber to molten gold as the wind plays with her hair, catching the dark fire in threads of sable.

"Ben...it's so beautiful..."

Her voice is barely above a whisper, soft and wistful as if she were gazing upon the world for the first time.

Her beauty, the absolute wonder in her voice buries itself in my heart, gripping me tightly until I can barely breath.

"Yes it is."

She turns those eyes to me, questions ablaze but all I see is her, the sun bathing her in radiance and I watch the slash of color across her cheekbones as she realizes that I am not talking about the view.

I wonder if she realizes just how much I adore her, how much she is tangled in my soul.

"Ben," an ache her voice as she calls my name and I am moving to her side.

Her hand reaches for mine, our fingers intertwined as she rests her head on my shoulder, "thank you."

Quiet words but I feel the weight of her gratitude behind it.

"For what?"

I can't think of anything I have done that she needs to thank me for.

Her fingers press against mine more firmly.

"For this," a sigh of happiness from her, "For just being here with me."

As if there was anywhere I would rather be that right here with her.

I turn and press my lips to her hair, the soft silk brushing against my skin and I close my eyes at the pleasure of it.

"I would do anything for you Rey," I tell her and realize that I am just about to lie to her and sigh, amending my words, "_almost _anything."

She shifts away from me, I can see questions in her eyes that I am not prepared to answer just yet but my reprise comes in the form of a pair of Astiri that are in the mating flight.

Their aerial acrobatics come close to where we are standing and it is enough to distract Rey that she moves forward, hands stretched out as if she would touch them.

The wonder on her face was well worth the climb up here but I shake my head and grab her wrist before she can get any closer to that ledge. I didn't climb all the way up here with her just to have her fall over the mountain side.

There are some times where her sense of adventure get ahead of her common sense.

A bemused look on her face when I drag her back just far enough that I won't have to keep looking up every five seconds to make sure she isn't about fall in her death trying to catch the Astiri.

The satchel is right where I left it and I get to my knee's aware of Rey taking in the scenery.

"This is amazing."

I lift my head from my task to see what has caused that breathless tone again.

The flowers sway in the wind, the tree's filled with the call of birds and the Astiri play in the water in the distance.

The bounty of water in the place reminds me a bit of Naboo but the rest, the flowers and the tree's, remind me of my own birth planet.

"It has a certain pleasantness to it I suppose."

I catch the dry amusement in her gaze just before I go back to my task.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting us food and drink," I should think that was obvious, "You sound like you could use it."

She doesn't take care of herself, ignoring the needs of her body for a few moments of pleasure, but that's what I'm here for now.

I hear the sigh from her but I assume she has seen another Astiri or something equally lovely in her eyes that has caught her attention.

So long as she is happy, I will take care of the rest.

I hear something drop behind me, feel the vibration in the ground.

Warm arms wrap around me and I feel Rey pressing herself against my back.

Her actions are not what I expected and she...startles me with her sudden affection.

I turn from my task and gently lay my arms over hers.

"Rey?"

"I just want to hug you," her voice is equal measures grumpy and wistful longing, "is that okay?"

As if I would ever deny her affection.

"I...yes," I can't believe she even felt the need to ask and I let out a short, pained laugh, "you don't need my permission for a hug." My next words are softer and only for her, "You can touch me anytime you want."

There is no answer from her but I feel her pull away and I instinctively tighten my hold around her arms, I don't want her to leave but I let go anyway.

I will not cage her.

I thought she was going to go and explore, perhaps take a closer look at the bathing pool of the Astiri but instead she I feel her press her full weight across my back, her arms resting on my shoulders.

The close kiss of her body against mine momentarily derails all of my thoughts and my hands still inside the satchel.

Sunlight and flowers envelope me, her soft breathing tickling my ear, stirring the small hairs around my neck.

"So what did you pack for us to eat?"

It takes me a minute longer to get my thoughts working so I can comprehend her question and I shoot her a dry look because of it.

She grins openly and presses her lips to my temple.

Somehow I have a feeling she knows exactly what she's doing to me and is enjoying herself thoroughly.

"Now you want food."

She gives me a playful shove with her body, bowing my back with her weight.

"I always want food and besides you're the one who mentioned it first."

I hear the teasing laughter in her voice and something inside me loosens at her carefree tone.

"My mistake."

"Ben!" Mock outrage that doesn't hide her merriment and when she moves I am ready for her next shove and catch her, tumbling her into my lap.

Our antics have finally made the Astiri take notice of us and they take wing in retaliation to the noise we're making in their home.

A few of the Astiri refuse to leave their bathing pool and squawk indignantly at us from where they are paddling around.

It is a ridiculous sound from such a large bird that I cannot help but laugh, Rey's voice blending with mine.

I have not laughed like this in a long, long time.

This change in me, I know it is all because of Rey.

She is still in my arms, her legs dangling over my arms and she grins up at me, seemingly uninterested in moving.

"Umm food?"

"You have to get off me first."

I point out the obvious to her, my arms are the only thing holding her in my lap and she gives me an exaggerated look of annoyance.

She sits up, freeing my arms.

"That's no fun."

I have been called many things in my lifetime but 'fun' was never one of them.

"Whoever said I was fun?"

"I did."

I tugged on the end of her braid, she sounded far too smug with that last comment.

She rolls her eyes but slides off and settles next to me as I pull out the sealed containers of food.

"What is it?"

Bright curiosity in her question and I think that Rey would have to die in order to stop being so inquisitive.

The quickness of mind, her endless need for knowledge is one of the many aspects about her that I adore.

"I don't know," I admit as I hand her the food, "The Nymeira had it packed and waiting for me."

A slight shrug of her shoulder as she undoes the lid but her eyes light up at the small sandwiches, the selection of fruit and nuts.

A meal made to be eaten with fingers, but packing essential nutrients so that we don't burn out halfway through our day.

I open my own container and find similar food.

A pleasurable sigh from Rey and I look over to see her eyes closed, a look of bliss on her face.

She has that reaction to food, I suppose near starvation will sharpen any appetite.

I bite into my own food, the flavors are not bad but not quite the enthusiasm Rey has for it.

However I am hungry and consume my first roll in three bites, already taking a bite out of the second.

Another sigh from her, but this has a tinge of melancholy to it that makes me put down my sandwich.

I tasted nothing that should make her sigh like that.

She has stopped eating and that is not like her, not after the look on her face from only moments ago.

"Do you not like the food Rey?"

Her eyes flutter open and for a split second my breath catches, that look in her gaze...amber turned to honeyed-gold, a sense of sadness that casts her in shadows.

This has nothing to do with the food, this is something else entirely.

"Oh no, I mean, yes I like it."

Her voice is agitated, almost rambling and I see her visibly calming her emotions.

"Sorry I guess I got lost in thought."

I wonder what thoughts were so alarming that it made her turn from food and it is on the tip of my tongue to ask her but then I feel her stiffen almost imperceptibly against me.

As if she bracing for a pain that she knows is coming and cannot stop.

I let the question die on my tongue. If she wants to tell me, she will.

If not, I will simply bide my time and wait to bring it up again.

She gives me a fleeting but genuine smile, the relief on her face more than evident that I did not press her for answers.

"I'll tell you later."

I will hold her to her words.

"Alright."

The shadow passes in her gaze and she once more picks up her food with considerable more cheer and we go back to eating, the silence between us a comfortable one.

I am relieved that Rey is not the type of woman to fill the silence with empty chatter.

I clear my container of food, Rey has a few crumbs of bread and two slices of fruit left.

A noise, like the rustle of wind among leaves, snaps Rey's head up from finishing her food.

My attention is also caught but I sense nothing dangerous around us. I see her scanning the air, perhaps looking for the Astiri but those birds are far too large to go unseen.

Rey is on her knee's now, her eyes focused on the bush a few feet from where we sit.

"Rey?"

"Shhh." She puts a finger to her lips and points at the clump of vegetation.

I turn and the bush shakes violently and I keep still. Just because I sensed no danger doesn't eliminate the possibility completely.

I watch as a small creature begins to make itself known and I have to blink, wondering if the thin air up here has somehow produced illusions in my head.

That creature that Rey is making adorable cooing noises at cannot be real.

That particular breed was suppose to have been destroyed during the Clone Wars.

But there was no mistaking the distinctive long ears and tail, not to mention the closed wings held tightly to its side.

The creature seems curious about Rey and creeps closer, scenting the air and Rey makes another cooing noise, I didn't know she could produce such a delightful sound but the _umesingeo _is not so impressed and vanishes from sight.

"Oh I think I scared it..."

She has a crestfallen look on her face and I wonder if I have to worry about Rey wanting a new pet to take back.

She's looking at the remaining slices of fruit still in her container, a thoughtful look on her face.

I can only sigh as she picks up a slice in her fingers and sets it gently on the ground a few feet from us.

"It's okay," coaxing words, a sense of peace rippling from her, "you can come back."

I blink at the mild use of the Force she is producing.

An unusual way to manipulate the Force and from the hopeful expression in her eyes, I doubt she is even aware she is doing it.

The _umesingeo _emerges and despite its natural wariness it creeps closer to where Rey has left her offering.

A sharp, piercing intelligence in liquid eyes as the fruit is picked up and I see the needle-sharp teeth bite into it.

The cry of an Astiri startles Rey enough that she nearly falls back into me and the _umesingeo _lets a piercing whistle, disappearing in a flash of white light as it takes wing in the sky.

"Ben...what was that?"

I'm only half aware of her question. That piercing whistle was to alert others of danger.

Which meant that it wasn't alone and I searched the sky to see if it had a mate.

"I thought those extinct..."

"Ben," fond exasperation in her lilting voice, "tell me."

Only when she shakes my arm do I realize I spoke those words out loud...and she is still waiting for an answer.

I turn my attention back to the woman at my side, who is giving me an expectant look.

"It can't be...but if I had to guess, I would say it was an _umesingeo._"

The blank look in her eyes tells me she has never heard of the creature.

"Say that again...but in basic so I can understand it."

Exasperation and a hint of mild annoyance at the unfamiliar word I uttered and I cannot help but silently laugh at her grumpy expression she now levels at me.

"There really isn't a translation," her narrowed eyes tell me that is not the answer she wants to hear, "but taken literally it mean 'bunnyhawk'."

Her annoyance is forgotten as her eyes begin to shine and she lets out a noise that is not quite laughter but utterly charming.

"_Bunnyhawk_...but that sounds so...harmless!"

She can barely get the words out, she is laughing too hard now.

I shake my head at her endless amusement of the word and pull out a couple of canteen's and hand one to Rey.

She hasn't had anything to drink since we've arrived and now that the

_umesingeo _have caught her attention, I doubt she'll remember to hydrate.

I wait until she starts taking a few sips before speaking.

"That's why the word is rarely translated into basic," that animal was many things but harmless is not one I would use to describe it, "But that animal...it was to have died out during the Clone Wars."

A memory from long ago surfaces in my mind.

_"Steady Ben...don't be afraid," Lady Kanata, mother's friend, holding my arm as the creatures she brought with her is balanced on the heavy glove covering my hand and arm. Sharp, black talons dig into the glove, rather than my skin. _

_ "I'm not afraid. Lady Maz, what is it?"_

_ "A Bunnyhawk, young Solo."_

"Why?"

Rey's question snaps me out of the past and I focus on the present.

Strange, whenever I am with Rey, I am drawn back into my past without any effort.

"_Umesingeo _were used as trackers, they could also be used to send messages when communication signals were being monitored. They're fast, as you saw and hard to catch."

Her eyes lift to the sky, as if searching for the elusive creature even now.

"And you can't hack data from a live animal."

I knew it wouldn't take her long to figure out why they had been wiped out but that doesn't mean I like seeing the sadness flickering in her eyes or hearing it in her voice.

She turns those perceptive eyes to me, a slight tilt of her head as if trying to puzzle something out.

"How did you know what that was if they're suppose to be extinct?"

I was wondering how long it would take her to ask that particular question.

I hesitate in answering but she doesn't press me, seemingly content to wait for me to answer.

Well, I suppose it will do no harm. Not anymore.

"I might have glimpsed one when I was boy...with Kanata."

Again a flash of memory that I didn't seek.

_"Ben!"_

_ Kanata's voice and I'm on the ground, clutching my shoulder. The bunnyhawk, I couldn't pronounce the true word yet, was up in the tree. My shoulder was bleeding. _

_ "I'm...okay, Lady Kanata."_

_ The bunnyhawk had climbed to my shoulder, his face in my hair and it had tickled and I laughed, scaring him. _

_ A sigh from Maz and I look up, worried that I was in trouble._

_ "Don't tell mother."_

_ A soft chuckle from the old woman who was my mom's friend...and mine._

_ "I won't. It'll be our secret, young Solo."_

She never told anyone about the bunnyhawk, binding my shoulder beneath my loose clothing...or how I fell out of the tree afterward, trying to 'rescue' the animal.

Who had wings and could fly.

"Oh?"

I look to Rey, who has that same amused expression that Maz wore all those years ago and I find that I cannot meet her gaze.

I know that look, she wants to hear the story behind the explanation but I have no desire to relieve childhood antics from another life.

Instead I busy myself by taking her now empty canteen.

"It was a long time ago."

"Everything with you is a long time ago."

I can feel my eyebrow lifting at the fond exasperation in her voice. She doesn't roll her eyes at me but her tone convey's the feeling.

She wrinkles her nose at me and doesn't press me further.

It is...strange to think that she is learning me well enough to know when she can ask questions...and when to remain silent.

Strange and wonderful at the same time.

I watch Rey get to her feet, undoing the zip to her jacket. Already I can see the small sheen of sweat on her brow.

A lift of her shoulders and the jacket slides down her arms, revealing the top beneath it.

She looks lovely in anything she wears but the contrast of her sable hair against the deep aquamarine was stunning. Her arms to shoulders were completely bare, sun-kissed skin appearing before my eyes.

The top clings to her body, hugging her slim waist, the flair of her hips and feel the punch of her beauty like a blow to my head, leaving me reeling.

She turns as I drink in the sight of her, hands on her hips and giving me that tilted smile when she is deeply amused about something.

"What?"

It takes me a minute to find my word, to remember that I can still speak.

"You look...,"so beautiful that I can hardly breathe because of it,"nice."

Her eyes crinkle at the corners and I can tell by the shake of her head that she doesn't believe me.

"I have dirt in my hair and probably on my face as well," sweet laughter coating her words, "I doubt I look anything close to 'nice' but thank you anyway."

I can see that I'm going to have to work on getting Rey to accept the compliments that are her due.

I stow our empty containers away, I have no desire to come back from our exploration to a bag full of bugs and pests.

Rey has the right idea as the sun beats down on me and I shrug out of my own jacket, feeling a few degree's cooler now.

I catch her watching me out of my peripheral vision, hear the slight intake of her breath.

"What?"

I see the blaze of color cross her face before she quickly turns away, concealing her telltale blush.

"Umm," she sounds slightly breathless and I would have to be both blind and deaf to not realize that I have a physical effect on her, "so what now?"

I clench my fist and swallow the fire her lilting voice evokes.

"You said you wanted to see the Astiri," I have to remember to breath, to remember what we're doing up here in the first place, "so that's what we're going to do."

She turns, the blush fading on her skin and I hold out my hand for her to take.

"Okay."

Her hand slides into mine, warm from the sun and exertion and I tangle our fingers as I lead her to the forest.

The ones paddling around the small pool pay us no attention.

Flowers grow in abundance up here and I stop as Rey leans down, caressing the petals with the tips of her fingers, I refuse to let go of her hand.

She has that wistful, yearning look on her face and I know that I'm going to have to find a planet similar to this one where we will make our home.

She will have forests to play in, fields of flowers that she can gaze upon or even lie in if that is what she wishes.

I will take that wistful look in her eyes and turn it into reality.

She lifts her hand and I nod my head, moving us further into the forest. I can hear the call of the birds, feel the flow of their life force but it is like trying to find a single note in an ever changing song.

The leafy canopy above our head provides some much needed shade and I see the streak of color in the branches, another trilling bird calling for its mate.

Rey looks up at the circling avian's, enchanted by them.

"Do you know where we're going?"

Her voice is soft as if speaking would scare away our quarry.

Not likely to happen but I say nothing to correct that impression.

"No."

I have an idea, but not an actual path. However my answer seems to surprise Rey and her lilting laughter fills the air, a kiss against my senses and I tug on her hand, keeping us moving.

I scent them before I see them, even with the tree's thinning out and the sunlight dappling through the woods.

The smolder of flames, of hot spices and burning leaves.

The forest gives way to a glade, protrusions of rocks that form a natural circle.

The Astiri are draped over the muted stones like colorful banners and even from the edge where we now stand I can see that they are fast asleep.

"Ben...you found them."

Breathless excitement, her hand squeezing mine with such zeal that the tips of my fingers go numb.

"We found them."

I was only up here for her. She looks up at me, I can see the burning desire in her gaze to move closer to the birds.

We were outside the ring of stones, a dozen or more steps from where they sleep.

I look at them, feel the flow of their life force. They are in a deep sleep, the sunlight acting as a mild sedative to them.

I sigh and nod my head, it was safe enough.

"If you're quiet, you can get a better look," I did not bring her all the way up here to find her prized birds, only to leave her wanting, "Just don't touch them."

The curved talons on their feet were long enough that they could easily tear Rey apart.

Reluctantly I let go of her hand and settle myself against one of the tree's on the edge of the ring.

Rey hasn't moved since I let her go and she gives me a quizzical look.

"You're not coming with me?"

She sounds almost disappointed that I won't be joining her. However much I wish to stay by her side, this cannot be one of those times.

It's become clear that my presence disturbs the animals on this planet on some basic level.

Instead I force myself to relax, locking my fingers together.

"I can watch from here. You go on ahead."

Her eyes soften for but a moment in time, as though wanting to say something but the moment passes and she nods her head at me, unable to suppress the grin now spreading over her face.

I can feel the corners of my mouth turning upward at her obvious delight.

She moves with a surefooted grace, slow and even so that not even the grass makes a sound as she passes through.

She is nearly to the circle now and I watch, fascinated as she gets down on her knee's resting between two larger boulders, each with a pair of sleeping Astiri on them.

The wind plays gently with her hair, trying to tug strands free as the sun catches the fire hidden in the length of her braid.

I can see the side of her face, the parting of her lips, eyes widening as the Astiri trill softly in their sleep.

An avian version of a snore and I watch as she puts her hand to her mouth, obviously trying not to laugh.

She has such gentleness to her, such compassion that there is nothing in this galaxy I can compare her to.

Slowly I can feel the tension leaving me as I watch Rey, a vision in paradise.

She should always look this way, sitting in sunlight, surrounded by flowers and all things green and growing.

My beautiful spring goddess.

She doesn't move, the wind swaying the flowers and trees as sunlight filters over me and I feel something strange come over me.

A sense of peace that has eluded me these past fifteen years.

Only when I am with her, do I feel this way.

Only when I am with her can I allow myself to let down my guard.

Time passes and my eyes feel heavy and still Rey has not stirred. It is safe I think to close my eyes for but a moment.

Only a moment...

The last thing I see is Rey, sunlight in her hair and a serene smile on her lips.

My spring goddess in repose...


	45. Chapter 45

**Author's Note: **Update! Yes and I didn't make you wait two weeks for it, so there you go! On a more serious note, I want to thank all of my readers for you kind thoughts and warm wishes, you have no idea how much I needed to hear them. So...thank you. Now, happy reading!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **My heartfelt appreciation to anyone who reads and takes a moment of time to let me know how I'm doing.

"_She looked up at the sky and whispered,_

_take anything away from me,_

_take it all if you want to;_

_but please-please, let me keep this_

_one thing."_

_-_Lang Leav

Rey

I don't know how long I stayed there, sitting in the sun watching the Astiri sleep but I knew that when I finally came back to myself the shadows were longer and the sun had shifted its position higher into the sky.

I groaned softly as my legs ache, that sharp pins and needle feeling that told me I've been sitting for far too long in one position.

An Astiri flaps its wing once before covering its companion again. They really were beautiful.

Slowly so I didn't disturb their rest, I get to my feet and wonder if I've bored Ben to death by just sitting here.

"Ben I..."

My whispered words die as I look at him, my heart clenching in my chest.

He's fast asleep beneath the tree.

Eyes closed, his hands resting in his lap as dappled sunlight plays softly over his face.

He looks so peaceful just lying there amid the sun and shadows.

I can't tear my eyes away from him as I move closer and drop gently to his side, brushing a few strands of hair from his eyes.

A deep sigh from him but nothing more.

How often does he get a chance to do this and completely relax his guard and take this kind of rest?

My guess? Never.

He is always on guard, constantly trying to stay one step ahead of his enemies...and those who are suppose to be his allies.

I glance back at the Astiri who haven't so much as disturbed a wing since I walked away and decide that it's safe enough.

There was no one up here but us and the animals and we haven't come across anything that is remotely dangerous.

Smiling I stretch out next to him, laying my head on his shoulder.

I think Ben and the Astiri have the right idea.

As my eyes begin to close, the tranquil silence lulling me to sleep, I can't help but think that there is nowhere else I would rather be than right here.

Something is tickling me and it's annoying. I turn and bury my face against the warmth I feel, the scent of ice and rain at once familiar and welcome.

"Wake up Rey."

A low voice that speaks of shadows and secrets, haunting and compelling and it pulls me from my dreams.

Only one voice can do that to me.

Ben.

I sigh and tuck myself closer to him. Warmth across my skin, the gentle sound of trilling birds and I hear quiet laughter in the air.

My lips curve at the sound.

"I know you're awake."

I wrap my arm around his waist and shake my head.

"No I'm not."

I feel his fingers caressing my face, soft and gently as his lips press a kiss to my forehead.

I lift my head and open my eyes, the gleam of obsidian staring down at me.

I would give up just about anything to wake every day like this.

"Hi."

"Hi."

I grin up at him like an idiot and I don't care. I turn to look at the sky, a yawn cracking my jaw and I note that the sun has climbed even higher now.

"How long were we asleep?"

"A few hours is my guess. I woke up to you sprawled over me."

Teasing in his voice and I jerk my head back to him and thump him softly on the chest.

"I didn't sprawl over you! You were already asleep when I found you. I only laid my head on your shoulder."

"Is that right? Then you must be a restless sleeper."

"Considering you're the only person to sleep next to me, I'll take your word on that."

He grabs my hand pressing a kiss to my palm.

"I intend to keep it that way."

I lift an eyebrow at his bold words but I can't help but be delighted that he wants me so openly.

A sharp tug on my hand and now I really am sprawled out over him, pressed up against his chest, my legs between his.

"Ben," I can't help but laugh as he traps me in his arms, "what are you doing?"

His answer is to slant his mouth over mine and I sigh into him, my hands pressed up against his chest.

The soft feel of his lips on mine, the warm heat of his body and the silence of the world that exists just for the two of us.

He lifts his head and I see shadows gathering in his eyes.

"What is it?"

A shake of his head.

"Nothing."

I frown and pull back, sitting on my knees between his legs.

"No you don't get to do that."

A crease between his brow as he reaches up at and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Do what?"

I capture his hand and hold onto it not letting him pull away from me, not that he was trying.

"You don't get to shut me out. Tell me what's wrong."

"What makes you think anything is wrong?"

Oh it was going to be like this was it.

Well he wasn't the only stubborn human on this planet.

"Ben, I can see the shadows in your eyes. I know when something is bothering you."

A lift of his brow and silence on his lips.

"Talk to me. Please."

He leans back against the tree, closing his eyes but doesn't try to take back his hand from mine.

"I'm just...thinking Rey. About a great many things."

"Like?"

"Us."

I blinked at that.

"What about us?"

A soft sigh from his lips, a touch of melancholy to it that makes my heart tremble.

"Ben," I speak his name softly and wait as he opens his eyes and looks at me, "what about us?"

"I don't want this to end. I don't want to lose you Rey."

"I'm right here so how can you lose me?"

A frown on his face, dark shadows in his eyes and he lets go of my hand.

The empty weight where his fingers entwined with mine makes my heart stutter and suddenly I don't want to have this conversation.

I push off of his chest, getting to my feet and take no more than a few steps from him.

The sun is just as high as it was a few moments ago but I feel colder now.

The Astiri are still asleep, peaceful as ever, but the silence is no longer tranquil.

His arm slips around my waist, pulling against him, startling me. I never heard him move and yet here he is holding me.

"Why did you walk away?"

I sigh and lean against him but I can't look at him.

If I do I'll see the truth in his eyes and I don't want to go back to the harsh reality that awaits us.

Not yet.

It's too soon.

"Do you really need to ask?"

"Apparently I do."

That gets a small chuckle from me and because he can still make me laugh, I look up at him.

I reach up and pull his head down so that I can touch my lips to his, he sighs into my mouth and holds me closer.

He's right here with me and yet he seems so far away.

Why does this kiss feel like a farewell? I pull away and push those disturbing thoughts from my mind.

I wasn't going to let him go.

"Ben," I lean my head against his chest and cover his arms with mine, "stay here with me, right now. Don't look for tomorrow just live today with me."

"I don't know how."

Of course he doesn't. He is always trying to stay one step ahead of everyone else.

He never allows himself to simply live in the moment.

"I'll show you."

I let go and leave the shelter of his arms so that I can look at him properly.

"Do you trust me Ben?"

"With my life Rey."

There was no hesitation from him, no moment of thought before giving his reply and his trust is something that I cherish, a gift I never thought he would give me.

"Then come with me."

"Where?"

"Off this mountain. We've seen the Astiri and now that they're asleep, we can leave."

Mild confusion in his eyes but he doesn't question me.

"If that's what you want to do."

I nod my head and offer him my hand. He quickly tucks my hand into his and we leave the sleeping denizens of this mountain behind us and head back to where we left the rest of our gear.

Where apparently we have visitors.

Three of them to be precise and one of them has his end sticking out of the satchel, his hind legs braced on the outside of the bag and his long, tufted tail swishing madly.

I recognize the coloring of the bunnyhawk we saw hours ago.

Another was standing guard, it's long ears twitching back and forth and there was a smaller one curled up on my jacket that I had left on the ground.

All three have that same black-on-white coloring.

"Ben," I whisper excitedly, "look! There's three of them! But why is it in our bag?"

"Probably looking for the fruit you fed him earlier."

A dry look from Ben and I can't help but grin, I don't regret doing that.

Especially now that I know he has a family.

The female, at least I think it's a female, spots us and lets out a hiss as her wings unfurl.

The little one who was curled up on my jacket is next to the female, sheltered beneath her wing.

The male is still in the bag, kicking his feet furiously.

I blink and look at Ben, who is staring at the male with a bemused expression.

"I think he's stuck."

"So it would seem. Well that should teach him not to stick his nose where it doesn't belong."

"Ben," I roll my eyes at him, "be nice."

He just looks at me and my earlier feelings of unease vanish before that stare.

I haven't lost him yet.

I take a step forward but the female bares her fangs at me, the little one quivering by her side.

I stop, biting my lip.

I want to help her mate get free but at the same time I don't want to be attacked because of it.

A small sigh of annoyance from Ben and I look at him just as he lifts his hand.

The male who had been kicking his back legs furiously is now being lifted from the bag.

He's using the Force to lift the male out without touching him.

I could have smacked myself on the forehead for not thinking about that.

I still wasn't used to the fact that I was a Jedi. Using the Force with such ease as Ben was displaying was still new to me.

The male bunnyhawk was hissing wildly until Ben literally dropped him, legs and wings flailing, to the ground.

His mate was by his side rubbing her face against his as the the little one squeezed its body between theirs.

It was all so adorable and then all three turn to look at us.

"Umm Ben, maybe you shouldn't have dropped him like that. They don't look happy."

"He's free. They have nothing to complain about. Let's go."

He grabs my hand and tugs me to our supplies.

The male lets out a hiss at Ben before all three of them take flight, so quick that I don't even have a chance to track them.

"What is it with you and other males?"

For some reason males of any species always seem to want to pick a fight with Ben.

"If you have to ask then there is no point in me trying to explain."

The arrogance in his words makes me narrow my eyes at him.

"Ugh, men."

He lifts an eyebrow at me and tosses me my jacket.

"Put that on. You don't want to cut up your arms on our climb back down."

I grumble under my breath but slip it back on. I was instantly hot as it had been baking in the sun all this time.

"I think I'd rather have a few scratches then wear this."

Ben slips his back on as well and I see the grimace on his face before he can hide it and I feel a little bit better that he has to suffer with me.

Misery loves company or something like that.

"We'll be down on the ground soon enough."

Considering the hours it took us to climb up here I refuse to believe him.

Except he's pulling out two grappling guns.

Something we didn't use coming up.

"If you had those," I growl at him as I stalk over to his side, "why the hell did we have to climb using those vines?"

"I wanted to make certain that this mountain had actual stone and not just dirt and vines holding it up before we used these."

He nods to the outcropping of rocks close to the cliff we climbed up and I understood his reasoning.

I had similar thoughts this morning.

"So you think its safe now?"

"Yes. For the most part."

I sigh and wonder if I'm going to live to regret this.

"Fine. Only one way to find out."

I heft the satchel onto my shoulders before Ben can grab it.

"You carried it up here," I pointed out to him, "so I can carry it down. Besides its lighter now, so you can't object."

He looks like he wants to argue with me and I fold my arms over my chest.

He snaps his mouth shut and I give him a smile that shows all of my teeth.

Smart man.

"Ready?"

I nod my head as he hands me my grappling gun and we both shoot it into the ground, burying the head several inches deep.

I take a deep breath and stand with my feet braced on the edge of the cliff.

Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down.

I turn my head and look down, swallowing hard. It was a long drop to the ground if this didn't work.

"Go!"

I push off with my feet, the buzz of the cord extending as I swing off the mountain.

The cord holds and I drop meters in a matter of seconds, the wind trying to pull my hair out of its braid.

Ben and I hit the side of the mountain at the same time, the vines cushioning our feet as the grappling gun chord pulls taunt. Snapping the gun to my belt with one hand, I dig my fingers into the vines and hit the release. The head pulls free in a cloud of dirt as the cord begins to retract.

Ben does the same and we wait, clinging to the side of the mountain, the gun reloading so we can do it again. I estimate we dropped at least five meters.

"Think these vines will hold the head?"

My gun is reloaded as I aim the head at the nest of vines directly in front of me.

"We're about to find out."

I nod my head at Ben as we punch the head through the side of the mountain.

My hands are locked around the base and once more I'm pushing myself off the mountain.

The cord releases as I once more descend meters in a matter of seconds.

We're halfway down the mountain, only another ten meters to go, when Ben's gun gives out, soil and vines raining down on us.

"BEN!"

He's in free fall and there is no thought in my head as I let go of my grip and dive at after him.

I'm not going to lose him, not like this!

His hand is extended to mine, our fingertips just barely brushing before I manage to grab his wrist, his fingers locking around mine as I desperately jam my other hand into the vines, trying to stop our descent.

Our momentum is too fast and the vines rip before our combined weight.

"Let go Rey!"

"Never!"

I reach out with the Force putting all of my will behind my intent, digging my hand and now my boots into the mountain.

My arm feels like is being pulled out of the socket and I grit my teeth as pain bites into my hand but we're slowing down.

It's still not enough. We're going to die if we don't stop.

"Swing your arm Rey!"

I'm in motion, already reading his intent and I swing him towards the vines. That terrible strain on my body is lifted as Ben grabs hold, our momentum finally slowing as we slide another few feet before finally stopping.

My body is shaking and sweat has plastered my shirt to my body but I haven't released my grip on Ben's wrist.

His grip around mine is bruising as I feel the small bones grind together and I don't care.

He's alive and that's all that matters to me.

"Ben," my voice cracks, "are you alright?"

"I'm coming up."

He lets go of my wrist, the blood rushing back painfully as he slowly climbs his way back up to my side, using the ruined vines for leverage.

His hair is plastered to his face, dirt smeared across his chin and cheekbones and it is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Your hand," ragged horror in his voice, "Rey look at your hand."

Blood coats the edge of my jacket from where I dug my fingers into the vines, trying to stop our killing descent.

Oddly it doesn't hurt and I shake my head.

"I'm fine, what about you?"

"Well enough to get us off of here." He lets go with one hand to wrap around my waist. "Hold onto me."

My left arm feels leaden but I manage to lift it around his neck.

"On my mark, let go."

My eyes widen, but I remember our controlled dive from a mountain weeks ago that was higher than where were now.

"I'm ready."

"Let go!"

We both let go at the same time, my arms wrapping around his neck as his cradle me next to his body, twisting as the air screams around us as we fall.

A hard grunt from Ben as we slam into the ground, taking both of our weight in his legs.

"You can open your eyes now."

I didn't realize I had closed them and blink up at Ben.

We were alive and off the mountain, once more safe back on the ground.

I can feel his muscles shaking as he gently puts me back on my feet.

"Oh gods, Ben..."

I look at his hand, the glove in tatters as his exposed skin is a mess of ragged cuts and seeping blood.

I dump the bag on the ground, getting on my knees as I look for a med kit.

The Nymeira had to have packed one I know they must have. I root around furiously until I touch a small, silver case. I pull it and sigh with relief.

An emergency med kit. I knew they wouldn't fail me.

I look up at Ben, who is staring down at me.

"Sit before you fall down!"

Fear and adrenaline still spike my blood and my words come out sharper than what I intended.

Ben complies and drops to his knee's before me.

"You don't need that."

"You're bleeding! Of course I need it."

His hand covers mine, his blood smearing on the ruins of my own glove.

"Rey, you don't need it."

I look up at him and a memory surfaces.

_The shadows of Exegol...in his quarters...hands together and warmth and light flow out of me and into him...pain receding..._

I look down at our hands and finally understand what he's trying to tell me.

We can heal each other using the Force.

Something I have only experienced once.

Gently he strips the ruined glove from my hand, it is a mirror to his own where the vines ripped through my flesh.

I do the same for him as we press our palms together.

I close my eyes, feeling the Force that connects me to this world.

To him.

I can feel his pain, not just from the ruined flesh of his hand, but his entire body.

The torn tendons in his shoulder where I grabbed him, the bruised muscles of his legs where he landed. But more than his physical pain I can feel the flow of his emotions.

The terror that grips him, not for himself, but for me. The relief to be alive.

_Heal him, _I whisper to the Force, _let my strength flow into him. _

He wouldn't have gotten hurt if I hadn't been so fascinated with those birds that he climbed a mountain just so I could see them up close.

Warmth, a languid heat, welling up inside of me and I can feel where our fingers are pressed together.

That heat on my fingertips, spilling into him.

A cool touch, like soothing water over my skin, running into me.

Ben, his own life energy flowing into me even as I fed him mine.

The fierce burn of pain in my arm melts away, I can feel the cuts on my hand mending, the flow of blood halting.

The tightness in my shoulders and back are gone and I am no longer hurting.

I open my eyes just as Ben does.

I've never seen anyone with eyes like his, shadows and starlight, as if I could reach out and touch his soul.

His fingers leave mine, reaching out to bury in my hair, pulling me to him.

His mouth captures mine, not the gentle glide of lips this time but a claiming.

He's stealing every breath I take, a drowning possession that leaves me weak and clutching his arms in support.

"Ben," I gasp his name but he's not done, slanting his mouth over mine until all I feel is him.

The taste of his mouth, the scent of his skin, branding me until I don't where I begin and he leaves off.

He pulls away, his fingers still buried in my half-unraveled braid, our faces inches apart.

"What were you thinking diving after me like that?"

His breathing is harsh, his pupils wide and the calm that he wears like a shield is broken.

I squeeze my hands around his wrist, holding on to him as much as he is holding onto me.

"That I love you and I wasn't going to let you die!" My own breath is ragged the words tumbling from my lips.

A shuttered breath from him and this time I'm the one kissing him.

"You could have been killed."

Quiet but furious words from him as I lift my mouth to take a breath.

"You would have done the same if I had been the one to fall."

He leans his head against mine.

"Yes I would have but that doesn't mean I want you dying because of me."

I rub my nose against his, feeling oddly vulnerable with him.

"I'm not going to stand by and watch you die when I can save you. Don't you ever ask me to do that."

He lifts his head to look at me and I never want another man to look at me the way he does.

As if I were the center of his universe.

"You saved my life."

He sounds astonished and more than a bit confused that I came after him.

"It was a life worth saving."

He still looks so bewildered that I would want to save him at all.

"Ben," my lips tremble even as I smile when he turns his focus on me, "I love you."

He pulls his hands from my hair, gathering me in his arms as I press my face into his chest.

"I love you too Rey. Until the day I die I will always love you."

I give a watery laugh.

"Don't go dying on me too soon. I want you around much longer than this."

"I will do my best."

I lay in his arms, the sound of his heartbeat soothing and I think I am as much a comfort to him as he is to me.

Time passes and yet I am reluctant to leave his arms. I don't know if it's because I nearly lost him or if it's just him.

Whatever it is, I have never felt more safe or alive than when I am with him.

Eventually I push myself away from his chest and brush my lips across his jaw.

"Let me see your hand."

An arched eyebrow at my request but holds out his hand anyway.

The skin was completely healed and except for the smear of dried blood on his palm I would never have known that he had been injured.

"This is amazing." I turn his hand over in mine, "I've never seen this clean a healing, not even from the med droids."

"Let me see your hand now."

I let go of his and show him my own, which has also healed of its injuries.

His fingers brush my palm as if to make sure with touch what his eyes are telling him is real and the stroke of his fingers sends a small shiver down my spine.

Who knew the palm of my hand was that sensitive?

He must have sensed what he's doing to me because he lifts my hand and presses his lips to my palm, making me catch my breath in reaction.

"Stop that."

"Why?"

Mischief in his voice, in his eyes and I say the first thing that pops into my head.

"My hand is dirty."

His shoulders are shaking and he turns his head from me.

"Are you laughing at me?"

A firm shake of his head and I don't believe him for a minute.

I snatch my hand back and shove at his shoulders, sending us tumbling to the ground.

Laughter spilling from him as his arms catch me and this time I'm the one on the ground with him leaning over me.

My hands rest on his shoulders, his in my hair and on my hip and I can make out the faint trace of a smile on his lips.

"I love you."

His smile breaks through and once more he manages to steal the breath from my lungs.

"I know," he leans down pressing his lips to mine in too brief a kiss before hauling me to my feet, "I love you too."

I have hair sticking to my cheek and I can feel the dried dirt on my face. I must look a sight, which is funny because I never cared what I looked like before. Until I met him and suddenly it matters to me.

"What is it Rey?"

I grin and reach up pulling grass and leaves from his hair.

He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, dislodging more grass in the process.

"You have dirt on your face."

He taps me on the nose as I laugh at him.

"So do you."

I wrinkle my nose at him for that comment. I'm well aware of how disheveled I look.

"Think there's somewhere nearby we can clean up? I could use a cold splash of water on my face right about now."

I take off my jacket, feeling the sweat clinging to my shirt.

Ben does the same and takes mine, stowing them away in the satchel.

"I think I can locate us a suitable place. Come with me."

He takes my hand and leads us back to the speeder, pulling up the map that lead us here.

"There," the holo image shows a large body of water in the distance, "that should work."

I grin remembering the last time we were alone at a lake. He catches my grin and I can see the flash of dark fire in his eyes.

"Behave Rey."

I give him an innocent stare or at least I try to.

"What? I haven't done anything."

"Yet." A dark murmur from his lips as he tosses me my helmet that I strap on immediately.

I'm ready to get away from this mountain. That was one too many thrills for my taste.

He stows our pack, snatching up his own helmet.

I wait for him and he looks at me and then the front seat. I shake my head.

"Your turn, I got us here remember?"

"Sharing Rey?"

I give him a gentle shove. "Get on before I change my mind and leave you here to walk back."

He's on the speeder and offering me his hand as I grasp it, sliding in behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

I tap the side of his helmet and mine so that we can speak.

"Ready?"

The purr of his voice in my ear and I tighten my hold around him.

"Ready."

The speeder comes to life, vibrating beneath me and just like that Ben rotates the speeder on a one-eighty degree turn that has me whooping as we shoot off and away from the mountain.

I can't believe how well he handles the speeder, opening her up beneath the flat plain in a burst of speed that has me grinning beneath my helmet even as I hold onto him for dear life.

"This is amazing!"

"Just wait."

He flips another switch, opening her vents so that she has maximum capacity and the terrain becomes nothing but a blur of color, the wind biting into me as Ben chases our trail to the lake.

I let out a yell as he dips the bike, avoiding the sudden birds that take flight in our wake, but we're upright in an instant and off again.

I know he did that on purpose and I would strangle him if I hadn't enjoyed it so much.

"Still with me?"

My response is to squeeze his waist, his soft laughter filling my head with delight.

Our path leads to another forest and Ben slows the speeder guiding us through the trees with an ease that I can only envy. I was going to have to get a speeder and practice so I could do this too without worry about killing myself accidentally.

The lake we were searching for was nestled against a small mountain deep in the woods. The waterfalls that fell fed the lake, the mist coming off of them cooling against my face when I puled off my helmet.

Flowers littered the lake, petals of purest white and vivid green that seemed to glow in the shadowed woods.

The same flowers grew on the stones where the water spilled over the rim, in the cracks and all along the shore of the lake.

I swear the temperature here was at least ten degree's cooler.

I brush my fingers through my hair, wincing as I snag a knot. Pulling the snarled mess over my shoulder I undo the bindings, letting the braid unravel.

It needed to be redone anyway.

I slide off the speeder just before Ben does and quickly head for the water.

I drop to my knees, plunging my hands and sigh as the cold water bites into my skin.

The water is so clear I can see the tiny glints of minerals in the sand at the bottom.

I cup my hands and close my eyes as I splash water on my face.

"Gods that's cold!"

But it felt wonderful on my heated skin and I do it again thoroughly soaked in the process.

"Are you cooling off or trying to drown yourself?"

I blink, rubbing the water out of my eyes and grin at my tall companion.

"Ha, ha very funny. Get down here this water is really refreshing."

He drops to his knees beside me as I pull out my hands and lift my hair up to splash water on my neck.

"Oh, that feels good."

"Try drinking it instead of wearing it."

Just for that I cup my hands and pour water over his bowed head when he goes to take a drink.

A startled shout from him as he whips his head back up, his hair plastered to his face as he glares at me.

I grin at him, sitting back on my heels.

"You deserved that."

"For what?"

"For that comment. You're lucky I didn't push you in."

He gives me a wary look and I shake my head unable to hold back my laughter any longer.

Oh that look in his eyes. I doubt anyone has teased him like this in a long time.

Still grinning enough to hurt my cheeks, I cup water into my hands and offer it up to him.

"Truce?"

A sigh and I see the smile tugging at his lips as he lifts my hands to drink the water I offer.

"Truce."

My hands may not be the best thing to drink from but watching Ben sip water from them is a pleasure all on its own.

"More?"

A nod of his head and I fill my hands again, letting him drink as much as he wants.

"My turn."

I don't understand his meaning until he brings water from his hands to my lips.

"Drink Rey."

His skin is cool when I cup my hands around his, my lips brushing the tips of his fingers as the water slides down my throat.

I taste the minerals and swipe my tongue across his skin, tasting him as well.

The catch in his breath lets me know he likes that and I wait for him to refill his hands and I do it again, because I can.

Because I like the way he reacts to me.

I nip playfully at his fingers before pushing his hands away. I've had enough water.

"What are you doing?"

I'm turning over to lay on my back so that my hair can soak in the water.

"Getting the dirt out of my hair."

I run my fingers through the snarled mess, feeling the knots loosen as the water seeps in.

A shadow falls over my face and I open my eyes to see Ben sitting next to me, watching me with faint amusement.

His hair is already drying, curling around his neck and my fingers itch to push the strands back away from his eyes.

Sighing I pull my hair out of the water, turning on my side so I can wring it out.

"What will you do with it now?"

I look up at him through the wet strands.

"Braid it again, at least that will stop it from tangling when we get back on the speeder I hope."

"Turn around."

Curious I sit up and do as he asks, giving him my back and feel his fingers thread through my hair to part the strands.

"Ben...are you braiding my hair?"

"Do you mind?"

I go to shake my head but then I remember he's holding my hair and I stop myself.

"No...I just didn't realize you knew how."

"I...may be a bit out of practice."

"Are you going to tell me the story of how you can braid hair?"

His fingers weaving through my hair is a sensual pleasure and I remember him brushing my hair on the ship when we were on Pralis.

It was a memory that had kept me awake for many nights after I had left.

"All Padawans learn when we are accepted by a master. For males, our hair is cut short except for a single braid that announces our status."

There is something in his tone that is a bit...stiff.

"But that's not how you learned is it?"

His fingers halt at the base of my neck before continuing.

"No...my mother had long hair and I used to watch her braid it as she sang."

I didn't know Leia could sing, I have never heard her voice.

Perhaps that was something shared only between mother and son.

"I...I see."

I had no memories of my mother doing anything like that. Only a single nightmare, the despair of a woman's voice crying my name over and over again.

His lips brush the base of nape of my neck breaking through my melancholy thoughts in a wash of heat.

My fingers tangle in his hair as he draws me into his arms.

"Ben?"

I lift my face to him as he trails a finger down my jawline.

"Don't be sad Rey. Not with me."

Such tenderness in his eyes, the soft glow of obsidian that produces that fluttery feeling inside me as I watch him lower his head.

The glide of his lips on mine, so gentle, so soft.

The noise of the waterfall, the chirp of the insects, all it becomes white noise as I kiss the man I love.

His arms pulling me closer, his legs bracketing me and there is only the two of us.

I sigh into his mouth, thoughts of the past...of the future forgotten in this moment.

There is only now.

He lifts his head and I smile, brushing my fingers over his mouth.

A year ago I couldn't have imagined wanting this man in my life.

Now?

I never wanted to be parted from him.

"What thoughts lurk in your eyes Rey?"

"Don't leave me Ben."

His arms tighten around me, a peculiar look on his face.

"Never Rey. We will be together always."

I hear the promise in his voice, the absolute conviction and it is enough.

That spark of light that guttered when I was forced to leave him on the _Supremacy _kindles again.

I hold it close to my soul breathing life into it.

This time it will not go out.

I lean my head against his chest, watching the cascading falls, the way the flowers dance over the water and I feel happy. Content.

Held in the arms of my lover, this other half of my soul, and for once I no longer look to the future with apprehension.

Not now. Not with him at my side.

I no longer fear the dark.

How long did we stay sitting by the lake?

An hour? Two?

Perhaps a lifetime and neither Ben nor I felt the need to leave, to move on. It was an odd feeling at least for me. Since leaving Jakku I felt the need to constantly be on the move, a restlessness in me that never abated.

Now? I thought I could spend my entire life like this, that restless energy finally quiet.

Speaking of quiet.

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Do I need to be thinking anything?"

"I suppose not but you're never this quiet unless you are thinking."

A small silence and then a sigh that might have been soft laughter.

"Your starting to know me better than I know myself."

I nestle against him, the weight of his arms around me a pleasure I never wanted to give up.

"So..."

"You never give up do you?"

I shake my head.

"Not when it comes to you."

"Rey...if there was no war, no need to fight, what would you do with your life? Where would you go?"

I blink, considering his question. The truth was I never thought about life after the war.

It seemed like an endless thing, this war for the soul of the galaxy.

"I...I don't know. Why are you asking?"

"You deserve a better life than the one you have now."

Something in his voice makes me tighten my hold around him.

"I like the life I have now,"I tell him softly, "what more could I possibly want?"

"To not die on some distant battlefield for starters."

"Well there is that," I concede, "but I have friends who would have my back whenever I called for them and they know that I would come running if they ever needed me."

I look up at him wondering where all of this is coming from.

"Ben? Why are you asking me this?"

"You speak of your friends...but I asked what _you _want for your life. Not them. You."

I don't know what he wants me to tell him because honestly, I don't have an answer.

But as I gaze at him, the shadows of the forest making his eyes seem endless, I think I do know the answer.

I'm just afraid of telling him. Of wanting something so impossible that I am afraid of even saying it.

"I...," but I loose my nerve and shake my head, "what does it matter? The war isn't going to end tomorrow so why think about something that might never happen."

I don't like his silence and it reminds me of the conversation we had up on the mountain.

The way I felt when his hand left mine, leaving a cold chill against my skin.

Against my soul.

"What about you?"

A sigh and a hint of reluctance in his voice when he responds.

"What about me?"

"Don't be evasive. You asked what I would do if there was no war but what about you? What would you do...if you no longer had to fight?"

If you no longer had to wear the mask of Kylo Ren. It was what I wanted to ask him...but I didn't dare.

"I don't know."

An honest answer...and a sad one. Like mine. I wanted to say something to him, to lift this dark air that was somehow coming between us but then he continued speaking.

"But I'd like to believe," a pause in his words and I found myself holding my breath in it, "that I would be anywhere...you are."

I turn and bury my head in the side of his arm, fingers digging into his skin as I hold onto him tightly.

Why is it that when it comes to our feelings he always has more courage than me?

"Rey?"

His arms drawing me closer, his head resting against mine as he surrounds me.

"Am I wrong to hope...you feel the same way? That somehow I..."

Now I hear the hesitation in his voice, that moment he doubts himself and I gather my own courage in my hands.

"That you what Ben?" I ask softly not removing my face from his arm. I don't want him to pull away from me.

I can feel him rubbing his head softly against my hair and he is so gentle with me that I want to weep. I have always been so strong, so alone and yet with him I don't have to be.

I can be vulnerable and know that he will catch me and I realize what he is trying to ask me.

I lift my head slowly and look at this man who would bare his soul to me.

"You are...everything to me. If the war ended tomorrow and we were free to choose...I would go with you."

A catch in his breath, stark relief and utter longing in his eyes. In every line of his face.

"Kiss me Ben. Tell me you love me."

"I love you Rey," fierce words as his mouth captures mine, stroking me with his tongue that I gasp and dig my nails into his skin, "Always. I will never love anyone but you."

His mouth finds mine again and I taste the promise of his vow and I turn in his arms, getting on my knees so I can wrap my arms around him.

"I love you Ben Solo," I rain kisses over his mouth, "It will only, ever be you."

May the Force help me but I knew at that moment I would never love anyone except him.

I'm still in his arms, I can feel the frantic beating of his heart and it matches my own.

"Let's get out of here."

I cup his face so that I can trace every curve, every line with my eyes. The way he looks at me now is something I never wanted to forget.

Not if I lived to be a hundred.

"Where are we going?"

He turns his head and presses a kiss into my palm and I wonder why I even asked that question.

I didn't care where we're going so long as it was together.

His arms around me and I let out a breathless gasp as he stands, sweeping me up and into his arms.

When he does stuff like that it reminds me over again just how powerful he is.

My arms wrap around his neck.

"Why are you carrying me?"

It wasn't like I was hurt or anything, I could walk on my own.

"Because my legs are longer and I can get us back to the speeder quicker."

He did not just call me short.

I tug at the ends of his hair and he glances down at me, a cool lift of his eyebrow in response.

"My legs might be shorter that yours but I can still kick your ass anytime I want."

That slight tilt of his lips, ebony eyes gleaming and my throat goes dry at the blatant heat in his gaze.

"I know," amusement and approval in equal measure, "which only makes me adore you more."

I blush hotly at his compliment, unable to come back with a response.

He wasn't suppose to agree with me or look at me like that.

His eyes need to be illegal as well. How the hell was I suppose to be this big, bad Jedi with him _looking _at me like that?

I sigh I bury my face in his chest, letting him carry me.

Much to my chagrin we actually get to the speeder quicker than when we first arrived.

So maybe there was an advantage to having longer legs. Not that I would ever tell him and give him the satisfaction of being right.

I am _not _short. He's just too damn tall.

However, standing next to him I cannot help but silently admit I love the way I feel next to him.

I've never felt feminine in my life, too busy trying to survive, yet next to him...I do.

I really am hopeless when it comes to him.

The smile that had been lingering from our kiss fades as Ben touches the display panel on the speeder, tension radiating from him.

"Ben? What is it?"

"We need to get back to the resort."

I don't like his grim tone and I go over to see what has caused this change in him.

A message screen has appeared and as I read the contents, I now understand why he looks the way he does.

_Master Jedi: Transmission intercepted, encrypted. Requesting response upon retrieval. _

_ Mistress Jedi: Transmission intercepted, immediate response indicated upon receiving. _

Damn it! There could be only one reason why I was receiving a transmission.

The Resistance. Something must have happened, or is happening, and they need to let me know.

Ben...no, the man the First Order knows as Kylo Ren, has also been contacted.

The First Order and the Resistance.

The war can't even give us three days together. My fists clench as anger builds inside of me.

"Rey."

I look up at Ben and see the same reflected anger in his dark gaze.

"I know," I force my hands to relax, feeling the imprint of my nails in my skin, "it's time to go."

I blow out a breath and offer him a wan smile.

"Well you did say you wanted to leave here so I guess this is as good a time as any."

I turn to go and collect my helmet when Ben grabs me by the waist, my hand coming up to rest on his chest in response.

"Ben?"

"This doesn't change anything between us Rey. We still have time."

Cold, practical words that might have made me pause...if not for the fact that my hand was over his heart and I could feel the frantic pulse that belied his calm.

"Yes," I murmur softly, "we still have time."

I just didn't know for how much longer.


	46. Chapter 46

**Author's Update: **Whew! Finally finished! I think this might be my longest chapter yet. Hope you don't mind the long read and I promise I will update as soon as I am able!

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! Reviews! **I am SO blessed to have such awesome readers! Thank you for all of your comments!

"_I'd rather die than live a life_

_without saying I tried._

_But what if_

_In the midst of all this_

_confusion_

_and sadness,_

_I forget_

_To admire all that you are_

_and mistakenly_

_Let you go?_

_How am I to live with myself?_

_I do not want to know."_

_-_K.G.W

Ben Solo

I woke knowing that I wasn't alone. I could feel her weight pressed against me, a living heat that seemed to chase the chill from my soul. The scent of sunlight and midnight blooms.

Opening my eyes I look down and see Rey, fast asleep. Her head pillowed against my shoulder, her body curved towards mine. Gently so I don't disturb her, I shift so that her head is on my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist and she sighs deeply, throwing her leg over mine.

Even in sleep she claims me for her own.

Looking up I note that the sun has shifted in the sky but not by much. I haven't been asleep for more than an hour at most and even that surprises me.

I look down at the woman in my arms, marveling over the fact that I never felt her come near me.

It would seem she has become so much a part of me that I no longer try to guard myself against her.

I don't quite fully understand how I came to deserve her in my life but I know that I will never let her go.

My eyes feel heavy, the warm weight of her against me leaves me loose-limb and unwilling to move and I feel myself sliding back into sleep.

Such peace I feel with her, here at my side...

I awake again, the half of my body that Rey is using for a pillow numb from disuse.

Yawning I open my eyes and find that the sun has climbed even higher, both of us now covered in the long shadow of the tree.

I look down and somehow Rey has managed to lay her head on my stomach, her legs thrown over mine.

She really is a restless sleeper but I don't mind her sprawled over me.

I trace a finger down the side of her face, unable to resist touching her.

Her lashes flutter and she buries her face into my stomach and I laugh softly.

"Wake up Rey."

Her response is to tighten her legs around mine but I can feel her lips curving against the fabric of my shirt and my stomach clenches in reaction.

"I know you're awake."

Her arms snakes around my waist, holding onto me.

"No I'm not."

Muffled words that have a slight, grumpy sound to them.

It seems I need to sweeten her disposition towards me.

Gently I tilt her head up and press a kiss to her brow.

Slumbering amber looking up at me, alight with affection.

She devastates my soul with that one look and I knew I would trade almost anything to wake everyday with her by my side.

"Hi."

Warm affection laced in that one word fills and it fills me with gentle yearning.

"Hi."

The grin on her face makes my heart stutter but she is already sitting up and turning her face to the sky, a yawn cracking her jaw.

"How long were we asleep?"

"A few hours is my guess," and because I want her attention back on me, I decide to tease her, "I woke up to you sprawled over me."

Her head whips back to me, just as I expected, banging her hand on my chest in annoyance.

"I didn't sprawl over you!" A bright, flair of color on her face, "You were already asleep when I found you. I only laid my head on your shoulder."

She really is quite adorable when she gets worked up like this.

"Is that right?" I cannot help but feel amused at her outraged tone, "Then you must be a restless sleeper."

"Considering you're the only person to sleep next to me, I'll take your word on that."

Dismissive words that sharpen my attention and I grab her hand, pressing a kiss to her satiny skin.

"I intend to keep it that way."

A cool lift of her brow but she cannot hide the spark in her gaze or the way her lips curved slightly at my possessive words.

I tug on her hand, pulling her into my arms and she laughs, pressing hands to my chest.

"Ben," vibrant amusement when she says my name, "what are you doing?"

I slant my mouth over hers in response, tasting her amusement, claiming her affection.

Her lips under mine, the soft sigh of her surrender and all I feel is the weight of her love.

How am I suppose to live without her?

I pull my head up, the dark path of my thoughts casting a shadow across my soul.

"What is it?"

Worry in her voice, her gentle compassion nearly my undoing.

I shake my head unwilling to burden her with my restless unease about the future.

"Nothing."

This day was meant to be for her but she frowns at me, pulling out of my arms to sit between my legs.

"No you don't get to do that."

She sounds upset and I'm not certain why.

A lock of hair has come loose from her braid, no doubt from her restless sleep and I'm already reaching to tuck it back behind her ear even before I think about it.

"Do what?"

She catches my hand before I can pull it away, a fierce light in her gaze. The strength of her grip makes me wonder if she thinks I will try to escape but she has no idea how much I am slave to her touch.

"You don't get to shut me out," eyes softening when I look into them, her lilting voice filled with worry, "Tell me what's wrong."

My soul shudders beneath her too perceptive gaze. When had she learned to read me so well?

I never intended to cast a pall over what should be a happy, peaceful time for her.

"What makes you think anything is wrong?"

I try to deflect her question but I see the lift of her chin, that stubborn light in her eyes.

My Rey is not going to be deterred by my evasion.

"Ben," exasperation and stubborn tenacity in her voice, "I can see the shadows in your eyes. I know when something is bothering you."

Can she now? Since when did I let my emotions leak through so easily?

Or maybe I've always been that way around her and just now notice.

I lift my brow at her statement but refuse to speak.

She is not the only one who has a stubborn nature and I will not burden my thoughts on her.

Except I didn't count on seeing the hurt creep into her eyes, that flicker of doubt she desperately tries to hide, to pretend that it doesn't exist.

"Talk to me," gentle pleading that breaks down my will, "please."

I cannot stand to see the pain in her eyes.

I close my eyes and lean against the tree, feeling the warmth of her hand surround mine.

I withstood brutal years of training, both mental and physical so that I would not break under pressure and yet the soft plea in her voice is all it takes to bend my will to hers.

"I'm just...thinking Rey," if only I could stop, even for a day but that is impossible, "About a great many things."

"Like?"

How am I to resist the gentle persuasion in her voice, that blend of worry and affection that has been absent in my life for far too long.

"Us."

My every thought, my every action is now all about her. She has become as necessary to me as breathing.

She crashed through my life when I least expected it and change the entire course by just being here.

"What about us?"

There I caught it, the slightest tremble in her voice and I've reminded her that we are living on borrowed time.

A sigh leaves me, unable to contain it any longer. I should have known better than to try and hide my thoughts from her.

She has always seen right through me, even from the beginning when we had been nothing more than familiar strangers to each other.

"Ben," her voice is a quiet song to the chaos in my mind, "what about us?"

"I don't want this to end," the words slip out of me, the taste of terror in the back of my throat, "I don't want to lose you Rey."

How many nights did I stare out into space, only to relieve the last moments on the _Supremacy _over and over again like and endless nightmare.

I had bared my soul to her, offered her my love and my life to rule at my side...and she walked away.

Refusing my hand.

Refusing my love.

Now she is back and so deeply engraved into my heart that those moments on the _Supremacy _will seem like a mercy if I lose her again.

"I'm right here so how can you lose me?"

She sounds so baffled by my words that I open my eyes, frowning at the open confusion I see in her. She sounds so...young, so very innocent that I feel as though I am staining her with my darkness and I take back my hand.

The warmth of her hand now gone, only a phantom touch remains behind.

Her eyes widen, no longer confused but starting to fill with helpless anger and she pushes off my chest, getting to her feet and turning.

Once more I am presented with her back, walking away from me.

I am on my feet and before she can take more than a few steps. I have my arm around her waist, pulling her against me.

Just because I am terrified of losing her does not mean I will sit idly by and watch her walk away.

I will fight for us with my last dying breath.

"Why did you walk away?"

She asked me to speak and when I finally do, giving her what she asked for, she turned away from me.

A quiet sigh as she leans into me but she refuses to look at me.

"Do you really need to ask?"

Again that soft pleading in her voice, begging me for something that I don't know how to give.

"Apparently I do."

It's not like I enjoy listening to the sound of my own voice.

Muted laughter from her and the sound lightens my heart if only for a moment.

She looks up at me, the glow of amber catching sunlight and I feel her hand around my neck, pulling me down.

Her lips touch mine, silken and warm beneath mine and because I will never deny her, I sigh and bring her body closer.

But even the sweet taste of her mouth cannot banish all the darkness still coiling in me.

She pulls her mouth from mine and I hear the catch in her breath, feel her tremble in my arms as she lays her head on my chest.

"Ben," ardent pleading in her voice, "stay here with me, right now." Her arms cover mine and I don't know who is holding onto who now, "Don't look for tomorrow just live today with me."

Of all the requests she could ask of me...

"I don't know how."

My eyes have always looked to the horizon, knowing that the present was just a fleeting dream, nothing ever certain.

"I'll show you."

No longer pleading but a determined challenge and she drops her arms from mine, pulling away so that she can look at me.

The sun casts a glow around her, as though she were an impossible being made entirely of light.

"Do you trust me Ben?"

I would have laughed if she wasn't squeezing the breath from my lungs with the fire in her gaze. It was such an absurd question I didn't even need to think about how to answer.

"With my life Rey."

I must have said the right the words because her eyes become impossibly softer as continues to gaze at me.

"Then come with me."

I swallow hard, wondering if I've led myself into a trap I never saw coming.

"Where?"

"Off this mountain. We've seen the Astiri and now that they're asleep, we can leave."

That was...not the answer I expected from her and it leaves me scrambling to find a response.

"If that's what you want to do."

I was only up here because of her, if this place no longer held her interest then we would go elsewhere.

A decisive nod of her head and she lifts her hand for me to take.

Despite my earlier intentions I cannot stop myself from grasping her hand, her warmth spilling into me.

We leave the sleeping creatures to their solitude and make our way back to the edge of the depression where we left our gear.

We are not entirely alone when we arrive.

It seemed I was right in thinking that there was more than a single bunnyhawk here.

"Ben look!" Rey gripping my hand, the excitement in her voice evident, "There's three of them! But why is it in our bag?"

An image flashes in my mind.

Rey, offering her fruit to the creature, coaxing him out of hiding.

"Probably looking for the fruit you fed him earlier."

She looks up at me grinning in response to my observation. Clearly if given the chance, she would do it again.

Why am I not surprised? She has a tender heart, my Rey.

The female spots us first, hissing and unfurling her wings in a show of bravado.

Their offspring, who had decided that Rey's jacket was a comfortable bed, is next to his mother before I can blink.

The male is flailing, claws digging into the bag but he cannot find purchase.

"I think he's stuck."

"So it would seem," he obviously thought he was going to get a free meal for him and his family, "Well that should teach him not to stick his nose where it doesn't belong."

"Ben," amused censor from Rey and as I look down at her, she rolls her eyes at me, "be nice."

I am not the one who stuck my nose where it doesn't belong and she's telling _me _to be nice.

I watch as Rey takes a step forward no doubt intending to help but the female is not interested.

She hisses another warning and Rey halts, biting her lip in agitation.

Honestly I swear she leaves her common sense behind when it comes to animals.

She turns to me just as I lift my hand, wrapping the Force around the male and give a small pull on his body.

He comes free within seconds, however he is not appreciative of my help.

Hissing and baring his fangs at me does not improve my temper and I drop him none to gently on the ground.

The female and child are at his side, brushing her face over his to make sure I didn't injure him.

The thought of tossing him into a bush had crossed my mind.

However Rey is making that adorable, cooing noise at them and I can only sigh in resignation.

Three sets of eyes turn in our direction and I feel a thread of amusement steal over me when Rey takes a step back towards me.

"Umm Ben," she sounds nervous now, "maybe you shouldn't have dropped him like that. They don't look happy."

I really didn't care. She said she wanted off this mountain and I intend to make that happen.

"He's free," I give the male a cool look, "They have nothing to complain about. Let's go."

I tap the male with a hint of the Force, letting him know that I want him and his family gone.

I grab Rey by the hand and move towards our belongings.

The male hisses at me, clearly unimpressed despite the fact that I am stronger than him, and takes flight with his family.

"What is it with you and other males?"

She is obviously remembering our encounter with the shikansu from yesterday.

Males, no matter their species, will always show a display of dominance when protecting what is important to them.

"If you have to ask then there is no point in me trying to explain."

She narrows her eyes at me and I give her a bland stare.

"Ugh, men."

Since I'm quite certain anything I say will be wrong at this point I say nothing and pick up her jacket, tossing it to her.

"Put that on," she has that stubborn look in her eyes again, "You don't want to cut up your arms on our climb back down."

I ignore her muttering as she shakes it out and stuffs her arms into the protective fabric.

Heat instantly suffuses her face and she glares at me, folding her arms across her chest.

"I think I'd rather have a few scratches then wear this."

It cannot be as bad as she is making it sound and I slip my own back on.

Sweat coats my back within seconds and my skin feels as though I pulled all the moisture from it.

Alright, I was wrong. It is as bad as it seems.

Not that I'm going to give her the satisfaction of telling her that.

She would never let me live it down and use it as a reason to take it off.

She needed that extra layering.

"We'll be down on the ground soon enough."

Preferably far more quickly than what it took to get up here. My eyes catch the jutting rocks in the distance, a plan forming.

I pull two grappling guns from the bag, a sense from early this morning that we might have need of them.

I look up at Rey, who is staring at me with annoyance.

"If you had those," the accusation in her voice makes me wonder if I should be holding a possible weapon in my hand,"why the hell did we have to climb using those vines?"

Clearly I need to come up with an answer quickly before she decides to shove me off this mountain out of sheer aggravation.

"I wanted to make certain that this mountain had actual stone and not just dirt and vines holding it up before we used these."

I nod my head to the outcropping of rocks and I watch as the annoyance recedes, a thoughtful look replacing it as she studies the formation.

"So you think its safe now?"

"Yes," at least it should be, "For the most part."

Rey gives me a dubious look and sighs as though resigned to her fate.

"Fine. Only one way to find out."

I have no intention of killing either one of us and before I can reassure her that this will work she pulls the bag from my hand, settling it on her shoulders.

"You carried it here," she is glaring at the hand I have lifted to take it back from her, "so I can carry it down. Besides its lighter now, so you can't object."

I can and would have except she has that glimmer of temper in her gaze and a snarling Rey at my side when we are about to literally jump off a mountain is not how I want this to play out.

I snap my mouth shut, biting off my objection and she bares her teeth at me in what I suppose she thinks is a smile.

Instead we move towards the edge and I hand her one of the grapplers.

"Ready?"

A nod from her as a cloud of dust and debris scatter at our feet when the steel head buries into the ground.

The cord retracts and pulls taunt.

I hear her shaky breath as she turns to peer over the cliff's edge, her sun-kissed skin paling noticeably.

Better get this over with before she starts to second guess herself.

Or me.

"Go!"

She pushes off the same time I do, the released cord filling the air with a thunderous hum as we drop meters in seconds.

The wind cuts at my face, buffeting from all sides just as the cord goes taunt and I grab onto the vines, landing next to Rey.

That went better than I expected it would.

At this rate we should be back on the ground in a third of the time it took us to climb.

I snap the gun to my side, turning my head so that I don't get dirt in my unprotected eyes as the head retracts and we wait to do this all over again.

Rey looks calmer now, gazing at me with a hint of smile on her lips.

"Think these vines will hold the head?"

She's looking at the interlocking vines, the head of her gun now retracted and ready to be used once more.

I mirror her position.

"We're about to find out."

The gun punches through the vines with ease and I feel it snap into place. I nod at Rey as she releases the hold and drops back off the mountain.

I'm right behind her but as soon as I push off the mountain, I know something is terribly wrong.

The cord is slack, not growing taunt as it should have and I watch as everything seems to freeze in place.

The flash of silver in the sun, the downpour of vines and dirt all around me. The slip of the handle from my fingers and then time speeds up exponentially.

I'm in free fall and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

"BEN!"

Rey, screaming my name and my only thought is that I was glad this happened to me and not her.

At least I didn't kill the woman I love.

Except I watch in horror as she _lets go of the gun, _diving after me.

"Rey stop! Don't!"

The wind rips the words from me and I know she can't hear them...or she's refusing to hear.

Her hand reaching for mine, terror and anguish twisting her features, or maybe that is my reflection in her eyes as I reach back.

Our fingers brush and her hand slides against my wrist, locking into place.

She twists, impossibly, to grab a hold of the vines.

I feel the tendons snap in my shoulder as she desperately tries to stop us from falling.

But our combined weight is too much and the vines rip apart, unable to withstand the pressure.

We were both going to die if we didn't stop.

"Let go Rey!"

I was too heavy, even now I could see the terrible strain as she tried to keep her grip around my wrist.

"Never!"

She looks down at me and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she will fall with me rather than let me go.

She would rather die than abandon me.

My hand locks around her wrist, squeezing so hard that I know she will have bruises because of it.

We are _not _going to die here. I won't allow her to die.

I can feel her pushing with the Force, trying to stop our killing descent, the power behind her will staggering.

But it's not enough.

Not alone.

"Swing your arm Rey!"

She's gritting her teeth and I feel her arm shaking but she manages to move me into motion and that is all I need.

I slam into the mountain and dig my hand into the vines, bracing my legs as well so as to take my weight off of Rey.

We're slowing, but not nearly fast enough.

I wrap the Force around myself and Rey, putting all of my skill, every ounce of my power behind one thought alone.

Saving Rey.

The vines continue to rip, jagged edges that slash through my gloves and I feel the blood coating my hand but I refuses to yield.

I will not submit to this fate.

I hear Rey cry out and I realize that we've finally come to a halt.

We're still several meters away from the ground but no longer in immediate danger of dying.

"Ben," her voice is shaking, hoarse as if she had been screaming this entire time, "are you alright?"

Even now she looks to me, regardless of her own safety.

"I'm coming up."

I have to know how badly she is hurt.

I let go of her wrist, praying that I haven't broken it but even if I have, I can heal her.

Slowly I climb up to her side, the torn muscle in my shoulder a flair of agony.

It is nothing but the screaming of nerve endings and I ignore it, the same way I am ignoring the blood running down my wrist.

I have to get to Rey.

Finally I can see her.

She is all huge eyes, endless rings of muted gold and her skin is bleached out.

Dirt across her forehead, the bridge of her nose and in her hair. She is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

I can scent blood in the air and it is not all my own. I turn, watching in horror as her hand is nothing but a sheet of blood, the edging of her jacket tinted a dark red.

"Your hand," I did this to her, the horror of my actions washing over me at the sight of her blood, "Rey look at your hand."

She is shaking her head at me, her eyes all pupils with no iris.

"I'm fine, what about you?"

Why does she persist in only thinking about me? She is _not _fine and I can feel her pain through our bond.

I've had enough of this place.

"Well enough to get us off of here." I ignore the quivering muscles in my arm as I wrap it around her waist, taking her weight. "Hold onto me."

Pain etched into her face as she barely manages to lift her arm around me, burying her face into my neck.

"On my mark, let go."

Her head lifts, fractured amber staring into me with incomprehension for no more than a few seconds.

"I'm ready."

No she isn't but it doesn't matter, I have her and that's enough for now.

"Let go!"

Her fingers spasm as I pull us off the mountain, her head buried back into my chest as I cradle her close to me.

This time our dive is under my control as I use the Force to slow our descent but the injuries I've sustained, the terror still gripping my soul at how I nearly lost Rey, fractures my concentration and I land with bone-breaking roughness.

My teeth snap together in my head, making my vision blur for a second and I feel like a Padawan failing his first lesson.

I look down at Rey, I can still feel her broken nails digging into my neck. She hasn't opened her eyes, shut so tightly I can see the white creases around her eyes.

"You can open your eyes now."

My voice barely carries but she hears me, looking up at me. Heartbreaking anguish still reflect back at me and I begin to shake all over again.

I could have lost her in that one moment.

If she hadn't caught my hand...if we hadn't been able to stop our fall...

Gently I set her back on her feet, I have to or I'm afraid I will drop her and she is already wounded.

"Oh gods, Ben..."

Horror in her voice but I don't know what's causing it until I see her staring at my hand.

Blood is already dripping from my fingertips, coating the grass in ruby drops.

She turns, frantically pulling the satchel from her shoulders and dumping it to the ground, already on her knee's.

Her left shoulder moves awkwardly and all I see is the smear of blood where her hand touches the leather.

She looks up at me, I've never seen her eyes so frightened like this before.

"Sit before you fall down!"

Her words sharp as a whip, I can taste her lingering terror in the air between us and I drop to my knee's without hesitation.

In her hand I see the flash of a silver casing, a portable med kit.

So that is what she was looking for.

Except she doesn't need it.

We are Jedi.

"You don't need that."

"You're bleeding!" There is a high note of hysteria in her voice, "Of course I need it."

Oddly it is her panic that helps to calm my own chaotic emotions and think rationally.

I cover her hand, still clutching the med kit as if it were some kind of lifeline that she couldn't let go of.

"Rey," a touch of command in my voice, "you don't need it."

She's not looking at me but the ruined flesh of our hands and I hear her take in a ragged breath, feel her pulse calming.

Slowly I pull the remains of her glove from her hand, wincing as I see the myriad of seeping cuts that cover her.

It is amazing that she held on for as long as she did.

She pulls her hand away and before I can stop her, she is pulling the tattered glove off of me.

Blood makes the leather slick but she manages to free my hand.

Our eyes meet as our palms connect, a mirror to one another.

There is no need for words between us and I close my eyes, listening to the sound of her heartbeat.

Modulating my own breathing to match hers and when we begin to breath as one I open my sense to the Force.

Connecting me to Rey.

I can feel her, inside of me. Her pain is my pain. The sting of a thousand tiny cuts, the burn of torn muscles and bruised flesh.

All of that pales to the flood of her emotions filling me, the call of her soul to mine.

Terrible anguish at the thought of losing me, the immeasurable relief to be alive.

The Force whispers in my blood and I call to it.

_Heal her, take everything you need from me. Only make her whole. _

She wouldn't have been in such danger if I hadn't been so arrogant in my assumption that I could handle any danger this world threw at us.

The gentle kiss of rain in my soul, filling me as I send its cleansing power to Rey.

Languid heat spilling into my veins, caressing warmth that mends my torn body until pain is nothing more that a distant memory.

I open my eyes to fractured amber, kindled with a love so profound it burns through the darkness in me.

I let go of her hand, pulling her to me as I bury my fingers in her hair.

Her mouth is mine and I kiss her like she is an oasis and I've been in the desert all my life.

I could have _lost _her, forever, and that thought is an endless loop in my mind.

Her breathing turns ragged, her hands gripping my wrists but I can't let go of her.

"Ben," a gasp of air that sounds like my name and even that I claim for my own, stealing the very breath from her lips.

She is the beating of my heart, so naturally her breath I take back for my own.

It's not enough, the terror of losing her still clinging to me like an unwanted shadow.

I pull away, that dazed look in her eyes a mirror to my own. I'm holding her, touching her and I all I see is her diving from the cliff, heedless of her own safety.

I don't understand _why _she did that.

"What were you thinking diving after me like that?"

The calm that had surrounded me shatters beneath her tremulous gaze.

"That I love you and I wasn't going to let you die!"

Is that was love is? To recklessly abandon all thoughts of your own survival to save another?

I shudder, knowing that I wasn't worth that kind of sacrifice but unwilling to give her up.

Her mouth on mine, coaxing me into responding, the glide of her lips that sets my soul ablaze.

The breath I stole from her she takes back, leaving me gasping for air.

"You could have been killed."

I have only felt such helpless rage once, that day in the throne room where my former master tortured her to test my resolve.

I killed him in response to that rage but there was no outlet for this helplessness I felt now.

"You would have done the same if I had been the one to fall."

Quiet conviction in her words, believing without hesitation that I would have saved her.

I press my forehead to hers, the power of her trust stealing the strength from me.

"Yes I would have but that doesn't mean I want you dying because of me."

_Nothing _in this entire galaxy is worth her life, not even my own.

Her nose rubbing against mine, such a tiny gesture and yet so intimate, as if showing me a piece of herself that keeps hidden away.

"I'm not going to stand by and watch you die when I can save you," ardent words laced with love and angry worry, "Don't you ever ask me to do that."

A command if I ever heard one, brokering no disobedience.

I lift my eyes to this woman who would go against death itself for my sake.

How had I lived without her all this time?

I feel as though I am finally awake, no longer existing but actually living.

"You saved my life."

We were enemies a year ago, standing on opposite sides of a war that was not of our making.

When had the lines blurred between us since then?

"It was a life worth saving."

I blink, wondering if I imagined those words from her lips.

When had I stopped being a monster in her eyes? Was is that day when she was still with Luke, pouring her soul out to me that night? Or was it when she came to me on the _Supremacy_?

I don't know.

"Ben," that ache in her voice that has me looking at her as if for the first time, "I love you."

Trembling words to match the smile, hesitant but full of hopeful yearning.

I gather her against me, feeling my own heart stuttering in response.

"I love you too Rey. Until the day I die I will always love you."

Even then I knew that death would not stop me loving her. I would simply find her in another life and love her all over again.

Laughter mixed with tears and I did not know whether to join her or remain silent in fear of the laughter fading.

"Don't go dying on me too soon. I want you around much longer than this."

It was a demand that I was more than happy to follow, even if it proved to be nothing more than a futile dream.

"I will do my best."

Her head pressed to my chest, a gentle sigh from her lips as I close my arms around her.

My trembling heart settled as I felt the steady rhythm of her pulse, slowing so that we breathed as one.

She was as much my comfort as I was hers.

It was enough.

The flow of time passed over us and yet I was reluctant to speak or even move.

Rey was in my arms, warm and alive and it is everything that I desired but she has a restless spirit.

I feel her lift her head, brushing her lips across my skin.

"Let me see your hand."

I look down at her, feeling my brow lift at her odd request but I lift my hand for her inspection.

She has that look of surprise on her face as her fingers caress my skin.

"This is amazing," I let her turn my hand in any direction she wishes,"I've never seen this clean a healing, not even from the med droids."

I am also a little surprised at how well I healed. Even when I used the Force to heal, there was always a little scarring left behind.

"Let me see your hand now."

A tug at the corner of her mouth but she obliges me and I stare at the smooth, clean lines of her hand.

Not even so much a scratch was left behind. Had I not witnessed her injury for myself I would never have known she had been hurt.

I trace the lines across her palm, hear the soft intake of her breath. I lift my eyes, wondering if I was mistaken about her being whole but the slow burn in her gaze has nothing to do with pain.

I pull her hand to my mouth, pressing a kiss at the center and hear her breath catch, feel the flutter of her pulse beneath my fingertips.

"Stop that."

Pleasure and shock in her voice, a sweet melody to my ears after hearing the pain and the tears from earlier.

"Why?"

I know she is enjoying this, so am I. Why would she think I would even consider stopping.

Fractal amber widening, a slash of heat across her skin.

"My hand is dirty."

Of all the absurd...

I turn my head, clamping down hard on the laughter that leaves me shaking in a effort to suppress it.

"Are you laughing at me?"

Yes but the outrage in her voice makes me shake my head in denial at her accusation.

She pulls her hand from mine so that she can shove me in annoyance and I can't hold back the laughter as we tumble to the ground.

Her hands braced on my shoulders, but I already have my hand resting on her hip so she can't escape.

I have my other hand buried in her braid that spilled across the grass.

She looks up at me, not with annoyance but with a soft glow, a winsome smile curving her lips.

"I love you."

She could tell me a thousand times a day she loves me and I would beg her to say it again.

"I know," warmth seeping into my heart, into the cold recesses of my soul that only she can touch and I lean to brush my lips across hers, "I love you too."

I pull us both to our feet and she is staring at me, a wide grin on her face and secrets in her eyes.

"What is it Rey?"

She reaches up, brushing leaves and grass from my hair.

I have no doubt I've looked far worse than this but somehow having Rey pull dirt and debris from my hair is...embarrassing.

I can only sigh as I shove a hand through my hair, more grass and leaves falling free.

Her grin gets even wider, her eyes practically dancing in amusement.

"You have dirt on your face."

She sounds far too cheerful about that fact.

I tap her on the nose for that pithy comment.

"So do you."

She makes a face at me, clearly not pleased at all with my own observation.

"Think there's somewhere nearby we can clean up? I could use a cold splash of water on my face right about now."

The longing in her voice makes my throat dry in sympathy and I realize its been hours since either one of us had anything to drink.

She removes her jacket and I frown at the stain of blood on the sleeve, a reminder of our near fatal fall.

The top she wears is soaked in sweat and I quickly slip off mine and stow both of them away, not wanting to see the sight of her blood any more than I have to.

"I think I can locate us a suitable place." There was something on our route that comes to mind, "Come with me."

I offer her my hand and pull her back to the speeder, bringing up the map that depicts where we're at now.

"There," I tap the image as a large lake shimmers into view, "that should work."

It's surrounded by woods, a good place to take refuge from the sun.

Her lips spread into a wide smile as I show her the lake, languid heat in her eyes as she gazes up at me.

I swallow hard, remembering the last time we were alone at a lake.

_The cool press of skin against my lips...breathless pleading in her voice..._

Clearly she was remembering as well and my control was not infinite when it came to her.

"Behave Rey."

Had I not seen the slumbering fire in her eyes only seconds ago I might have been fooled into believing the wide-eyed stare she now levels at me.

"What?" I was not going to fall for the exaggerated innocence in her tone, "I haven't done anything."

"Yet." I mutter darkly and quickly toss her helmet to her. The thought of making love to Rey outdoors is far more appealing than I anticipated.

She straps her helmet on but makes no move to mount the speeder. I stow our gear and strap my own helmet into place.

I wonder what she is waiting for?

She shakes her head at me when I pointedly look at the driver seat and back to her.

"Your turn, I got us here remember?"

It wasn't like her to give up control, especially when it came to machinery and I wonder if that fall has shaken her more than she is letting on.

"Sharing Rey?"

I keep my tone light, despite the questions clawing at the back of my throat.

She gives me a gentle push towards the front.

"Get on before I change my mind and leave you here to walk back."

I have no doubt that she would do exactly that and I am relieved to hear her slightly acerbic reply.

That is the Rey I adore.

I mount quickly and offer her my hand, her lithe body sliding behind mine with ease as her arms wrap around me.

The feel of her heartbeat against mine is a welcome one.

She taps my helmet, turning on the comm.

"Ready?"

Her arms press more securely around me, her body flush up against mine.

"Ready."

Her lilting voice in my head, I flip the switch as the speeder comes to life and because I adore the woman at my side, something inside of me wants to impress her.

I turn the speeder on a sharp one-eighty degree axis, kicking up a dust cloud behind us as we speed away from the mountain.

Rey's yell of excitement, the press of her body more intimately against mine, I cannot stop the smile I feel curving my lips.

The plain opens up before us but I weave and turn the speeder that has her laughing and holding onto me in a tight grip.

"This is amazing!"

Pure adoration in her voice that spurns me on.

"Just wait."

I feed the adrenaline in her blood and flip the switch that will open up her vents, giving us maximum output.

The speeder's purr turns into a roar and the landscape is nothing more than a blur of color.

Her laughter is all the music I will need in this world.

Our speed startles the birds nesting in the tall grass but I already sensed them ahead of time, dipping the speeder to avoid hitting them that has Rey yelping and squeezing me so tightly she nearly cuts off my ability to breath.

We're upright in a matter of seconds and her arms go slack around me.

"Still with me?"

I know she is, I can feel the frantic call of her heartbeat, but I cannot help but tease her for that yelp she let out.

Her response is to squeeze the life out of me yet again and I laugh even as pleasure fills me with an almost painful intensity.

The forest looms ahead of us and I cut back on the speed, just enough that I can weave in and around the tree's without the concentrated focus that blocks everything else from my mind.

The lake was several miles into the forest and I follow the trail without error, the heavy canopy shielding the worst of the sun's light.

There, I can smell the water from here and slow us down, the lake coming into view as I turn around the last bend.

A picturesque scene of water misting off the lake, blooming lotus flowers that grew in the cracks and crevices of the small mountain.

Filling the lake with small dots of light.

I feel, more than hear, Rey's soft sigh as she pulls of her helmet before I come to a full stop just beyond the edge.

I pull of my own and feel a small sense of loss as she slips away from me, heading directly towards the lake.

She's on her knee's, already thrusting her hands into the water and yet she doesn't drink but splashes the water over her face and hair.

Droplets sparkle in the air as faint traces of sunlight catch the water.

"Gods that's cold!"

She sounds utterly delighted with that fact and does it again, enough that her top is no longer a muted aquamarine but a deeper hue.

I shake my head at her antics and move closer to her side.

The mist coming off of the falls cools my skin, a pleasant feeling after wearing that helmet.

I look down at Rey, her lashes spiked from the water, small rivulets down the side of her face.

"Are you cooling off or trying to drown yourself?"

Her head snaps up as she rubs the water out of her eyes, grinning all the while.

"Ha, ha very funny. Get down here this water is really refreshing."

She really does enjoy giving me orders but I drop to my knee's next to her.

She pulls her wind-swept hair off of her neck and splashes water over the exposed skin.

"Oh that feels good."

My body tightens inexplicably at the hum of deep pleasure in her voice and I turn away, swallowing hard.

"Try drinking it instead of wearing it."

A soft growl in my voice but it cannot be helped. Not with her only a few inches from me, sounding like that.

Looking like that...

Perhaps I'm the one who needs to cool off.

I bow my head, intent on the water and take my eyes off of her for but a few seconds.

My mistake because she takes the opportunity to dump a handful of water over my head.

That water wasn't cold, it was frigid and shock of it hitting my neck and sliding down my spine despite the high collar of my shirt has a strangled sound out of me that is _not _a yell.

Water streaming in my eyes as I push my hair back to see Rey grinning at me unabashed amusement.

"You deserved that."

She sounds far too smug and for the life of me I cannot possibly think of what I did to have her dumping freezing water over my head.

"For what?"

The words are not exactly friendly but then I didn't appreciate her 'surprise' either, although I must admit I am far cooler than I was a minute ago.

She arches her eyebrow at me, seemingly unperturbed by the growl in my voice.

"For that comment." Her lips twitch, "You're lucky I didn't push you in."

If she had I simply would have taken her in with me, regardless of the fact that neither one of us brought a change of clothing.

Something in my expression must have conveyed my thoughts because she bursts out laughing, grinning like a madwoman.

Only Rey would dare tease me like this. She has absolutely no fear of me.

Is it any wonder she captured me so completely.

She moves, still chuckling, to cup water into her hands.

A delicate flush on her face, her eyes sparkling as she gazes up at me, lifting her hands.

"Truce?"

A peace offering then, since I didn't get my drink.

My lips twitch in amusement and I nod my head.

"Truce."

My lips find her fingers, tilting the water down my throat, a cool rush of moisture that taste like minerals...and Rey.

"More?"

Again that flush to her face but it has nothing to with amusement, her eyes softening as she looks at me.

I nod my head and watch as she cups more water, bringing her hands to my lips as the sweep of her lashes hides the spark of pleasure I see burning in them.

I shake my head when she turned to gather more.

"My turn."

Quiet confusion in her eyes until I cup the cool water in the palm of my hands and offer it up to her.

"Drink Rey."

Her fingers slide across my skin, cool to the touch as she brings her lips to rest on my fingertips.

I feel her swipe her tongue across my skin, my breath catching as a shiver goes down my spine at the sensual move so unlike her.

My hands empty and I am quick to refill them.

She drinks deeply and again I feel her stroke her tongue over my skin, this time nipping at my fingertips, a playful smile curving her lips.

She pushes my hand away and shakes her head when I would have given her more.

She turns on her back and I watch with slight bemusement as she leans back far enough that the long, length of her hair is now under water.

"What are you doing?"

Her eyes are closed as she moves her fingers below the water line.

"Getting the dirt out of my hair."

She sounds so annoyed and it is such feminine response that I cannot help but feel amused and sit down next to her, watching the shadows dance across her skin.

Her eyes open and she sighs, turning on her stomach so she lift her head and squeeze the water out of it.

Her hair is darker now, more sable without that hint of fire that I love catching in the sunlight.

"What will you do with it now?"

I cannot help but be reminded of that night on Pralis, fresh from the shower...the feel of cool silk sliding through my fingers.

She glances up at me through the still dripping strands before getting to her knee's, a careless shrug of her shoulders.

"Braid it again. At least that will stop it from tangling when we get back on the speeder I hope."

A practical response and one I expected...and yet...

"Turn around."

Curiosity alight in her eyes but she does as I ask and I quickly gather up the damp strands before her shirt can get soaked.

That feeling of cool silk through my fingers, a memory that haunted me the weeks after she left.

She has such thick hair I am not surprised she keeps it bound but I much prefer it loose.

"Ben...are you braiding my hair?"

Intent on my task, it takes me a moment to realize I never actually asked her permission.

Yet she doesn't sound angry, merely curious.

"Do you mind?"

It felt so natural to take care of her but perhaps I was mistaken in thinking she would allow this intimacy.

She begins to shake her head but stops when I refuse to let go just yet.

"No...I just didn't realize you knew how."

Not something I'm likely to forget, thought I will admit it has been a few years since I've had to do it.

"I...may be a bit out of practice."

"Are you going to tell me the story of how you can braid hair?"

Warmth and gentle amusement alight in her voice but she cannot know how it pierces my heart, a memory unfolding on the wings of her question.

_A familiar lullaby in the air. The stuffed toy that my Uncle Chewie made for me clutched in my hand as I wander the halls of the house, searching for my mother._

_ She's in the garden and I smile as I watch her braid her long, long hair._

_ She looks up at me, that sad smile on her face whenever I am with her. _

_ "Why are you still awake my young prince?"_

_ She calls me that when it's just the two of us and lifts her hand to me. _

_ I clutch my toy, running to her and she picks me up, putting me in her lap. I tangle my hands in her hair._

_ She laughs and I laugh with her as she shows me how to make her hair pretty._

I blink as the memory fades, the echo of my mother's song still lingering in my mind even as I realize I've been silent for far too long.

"All Padawans learn when we are accepted by a master," I recite the words by rote, "For males, our hair is cut short except for a single braid that announces our status."

For a moment the only sound is the cascading water flowing from the rocks but then her lilting voice fills the silence, hesitant and almost unsure.

"But that's not how you learned is it?"

How did she...my fingers nearly slide out of her hair but I catch myself just in time, gripping the damp strands before continuing to braid her hair.

"No," my word is sharp and I regret my curt response when I feel her stiffen beneath me, "...my mother had long hair and I used to watch her braid it as she sang."

It was a memory I never told anyone...until now.

"I...I see."

Rey, bowing her head, an ache in her voice that I do not like. It has the cadence of when she used to speak to me about her parents.

A sense of bewildering loss and uncomprehending hurt.

I tie off her hair, the tight braid exposing the back of her neck and I lean in, pressing my lips to her skin.

I feel her startle even as her hand tangles in my hair, letting me draw her into my arms.

She turns her head just as I lift mine and I cannot abide the lingering melancholy I see in her.

"Ben?"

My name, hesitant and so wistful that my heart clenches to hear it.

I trace my finger down her satin skin, unable to stop myself from touching her.

To physically remind her that she is not alone.

Never alone, not while I still breathe.

"Don't be sad Rey," she will break me with the weight of her sorrow, "Not with me."

There is such painful need swimming in her eyes, eclipsing everything else I see and I'm already reacting, lowering my head to her parted lips.

I taste her sadness, drink it in and replace it with my love and my adoration.

She sighs into my mouth, cool lips warming beneath mine and I kiss her slowly, so that she will only think of me.

No past. No future. Just us.

Only, ever us.

I feel her responding, no longer tasting of despair but kindled desire and I lift my head.

A smile blooms on her lush mouth, but fractured amber still full of haunting shadows that veil her soul to me.

"What thoughts lurk in your eyes Rey?"

If she would only tell me, I would lift those shadows from her eyes. She has too bright a soul to be cast in darkness.

"Don't leave me Ben."

A quiet plea in her words, as if I were constantly running from her and she was the one chasing me down.

I might have laughed at the irony if not for the brittle way she held herself.

Waiting for me to hesitate, to reject her.

"Never Rey. We will be together always."

I was going to make sure of that.

A sigh and she lays her head on my chest, eyes watching the lake, seemingly content to be held in my arms.

I would hold her like this for rest of my life. Only when we are together do I feel complete.

Whole, as though a piece of me that was missing, finally found.

So...this is what it means to find peace.

She is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

There is something about this place, perhaps this world, that seems to slow time itself.

She doesn't stir in my arms, her quiet breathing a balm to my war-ravaged soul.

I feel as though I have fallen into some kind of fevered dream and anything I do will shatter this illusion around us.

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking?"

She has the most uncanny timing with her questions.

"Do I need to be thinking anything?"

"I suppose not," ponderous words but decisive, "but you're never this quiet unless you are thinking."

She really is the other half of my soul. I sigh and rueful laughter escapes before I can suppress it.

"Your starting to know me better than I know myself."

A rather frightening thought.

She wraps her arms around mine, fitting her body closer so that not even light can seep through.

"So..."

I should have known better than to try and evade her questions. It doesn't work on her.

"You never give up do you?"

I meant it to be teasing but it hangs heavy in the air between us.

A shake of her head, the flicker of a storm in her eyes.

"Not when it comes to you."

Does she know the promise I hear in those words? The sound of Fate weaving her chains around our souls, binding us together so that I no longer believe our meeting was merely a coincidence.

"Rey...if there was no war, no need to fight, what would you do with your life?" Where would you go?"

I feel her startle in my arms, that flickering storm retreating in the wake of my questions.

"I...I don't know," she sound genuinely puzzled by my questions,"Why are you asking?"

The truth? I have wanted to ask her these questions since the day she let down her guard that day in the woods, when she asked me to teach her.

Who might have she become if not for the Resistance and the war.

If not for...me.

"You deserve a better life than the one you have now."

Constantly on the run, being hunted. Never knowing if the day you wake up will be your last.

If only...

Her fingers dig into my skin, not painfully but as if anchoring me in place by her side.

"I like the life I have now," soothing words, as if trying to reassure me until I hear the slightest catch in her breath,"What more could I possibly want?"

I will never know if she meant me to hear that last question or if she was talking to herself.

I choose to answer regardless.

"To not die on some distant battlefield for starters."

"Well there is that," rueful words that have a hint of self-deprecation to them, ""but I have friends who would have my back whenever I called for them and they know that I would come running if they ever needed me."

Ah, yes. Her friends.

The much-vaunted Poe Dameron and the traitor-turned-rebel Finn who were never far from her side.

The fact that she speaks of them while in my arms makes me grit my teeth.

"Ben?" I look down, catching her tremulous gaze, "Why are you asking me this?"

Why indeed? Perhaps I have a need to torment myself with that futile game of 'what if'.

Or maybe it is something much simpler than that.

If she had a chance to choose another life...would she still want me?

"You speak of your friends...but I asked what _you _want for your life. Not them. You."

Confusion...hesitation...sparks of hope guttered beneath drowning fear. All this and more I see chasing in her eyes as she gazes up at me.

"I...," an ache so poignant that I feel my heart clenching in anticipation to her answer, but she turns from me and when she continues, it is like a stone in my soul, "what does it matter? The war isn't going to end tomorrow so why think about something that might never happen."

Why indeed.

"What about you?"

Her question comes as no surprise, some part of me was expecting it but her answer from earlier makes me reluctant to respond.

"What about me?"

She stiffens in my arms and turns to stare up at me, defiance and trembling affection at war in her gaze.

"Don't be evasive. You asked what I would do if there was no war but what about you? What would you do...if you no longer had to fight?"

So, she too is playing the 'what if' game.

I know what she wants to ask me, I can practically taste it in the air.

Who would I be...if I were no longer Kylo Ren.

It's strange actually. I've not thought about Kylo Ren...in days. As though that part of me was nothing but an illusion and what I am now is the truth.

But I don't think I will tell her that. I don't know if she would understand the difference, if there really is one.

"I don't know."

I can feel her disappointment in my answer, perhaps like myself, she was hoping for something...more.

"But I'd like to believe," the words slip out of me before I can stop them, this restless yearning in my soul that she awakened, "that I would be anywhere...you are."

I know no matter what path I might have walked, what choices I might have made differently, I would always find my way back to her.

My Rey.

The only place I could ever call home.

I hear the catch of her breath, her head burying in my arm as she digs her nails almost painfully into my skin.

"Rey?"

She doesn't answer me and I fear her silence, her stillness, more than anything I have faced in my life.

I gather her closer to me, pressing my face against her hair. It is still damp from the lake, smelling of minerals and the bloom of flowers.

I feel the trembling of her body, the soft echo of her breath and I swallow hard.

"Am I wrong to hope...you feel the same way?" That word again, 'hope', I thought I had thrown it away until I found her, "That somehow I..."

The words die, I can't finish them.

"That you what Ben?"

Whispered words, so quiet that if I was not pressed up against her, I might never have heard them.

But I did...and still I cannot answer.

Because I am terrified that this cruel game of 'what if' we are playing is nothing more than an unrequited dream on my part.

I bury my face in her hair, allowing myself this much at least.

She turns in my arms and I look down into fractured amber, my soul splintered and undone by what I see.

She is looking at me as though truly seeing me for the first time.

"You are...everything to me," fierce longing that blazes across my senses, "If the war ended tomorrow and we were free to choose...I would go with you."

I can't breath past this burning in my chest, catching fire in my soul.

She chose me. _She _chose _me. _

"Kiss me Ben. Tell me you love me."

"I love you Rey," I crush her mouth to mine, tasting the ardent desire I hear in her voice, "Always." I lift my mouth and stare hard into her eyes, memorizing everything I see, "I will never love anyone but you."

She is my one and only future.

Her lips part as if to speak, but I already have the answer I sought and I steal the words from her mouth.

She tastes of spring and light...and love.

Her mouth beneath mine, our breath mingling, she turns in my arms and I feel her fingers in my hair.

She lifts her mouth and I open my eyes, in a slight daze and realize that she is on her knee's, staring down at me.

"I love you Ben Solo," white-hot lightning in my veins, her mouth claiming mine again and again, "It will only, ever be you."

I am hers. She has claimed me and I give myself willingly to her.

Her hands cup my face and no one looks at me the way she does.

As if I am worthy of love. Of being loved.

"Let's get out of here."

I have no more need to be outdoors.

There is only one thing I desire and she is in my arms.

"Where are we going?"

I press a kiss into her palm, taste the salt of her skin and feel the pulse of her blood accelerate.

Somehow I think she already knows the answer.

If not...

I stand, sweeping her up into my arms.

My control is not infinite, less so when she with me.

Her arms come around my neck as I cradle her closer to me. She is light in my arms, despite the strength in her.

"Why are you carrying me?"

She sounds genuinely puzzled and I feel my lips twitching in response.

"Because my legs are longer and I can get us back to the speeder quicker."

Her fingers pull hard at the end of my hair and I glance down at that none-too-gentle touch.

She is glaring up at me, a blaze of amber fire.

"My legs might be shorter that yours but I can still kick your ass anytime I want."

As if I needed a reminder that the woman I love is my equal in every sense of the word.

"I know, which only makes me adore you more."

A rush of heat across her face, her lips parting but she makes no sound. Instead she buries her face against my chest, her fingers stroking my neck.

I grit my teeth as sparks dance across my skin from her lingering caress. This must be her revenge for insinuating that she was short.

The fact that I was taller meant I could tuck her against me, where she belonged.

We reach the speeder without me dropping her.

Considering the way her fingers were still stroking my skin, it is almost miraculous.

The lingering heat in my blood from her ardent kisses begins to cool as I note the blinking lights on the display panel.

Gently I set Rey back on her feet, my attention on the speeder.

I tap the panel and I feel ice slide into my veins.

"Ben? What is it?"

Apprehension in her voice, that playful lilt from earlier no longer present.

"We need to get back to the resort."

She is at my side, glancing down at the panel that I have not turned away from.

Dark rage beats inside my mind, my fingers clenched into a hard fist as I stare at the messages that waited for us.

_Master Jedi: Transmission intercepted, encrypted. Requesting response upon retrieval. _

_ Mistress Jedi: Transmission intercepted, immediate response indicated upon receiving. _

There is only one reason an encrypted message would be transmitted here, awaiting me.

Pryde has found vital information regarding the Resistance. It is the _only _reason he would disregard my direct order to not be disturbed when I came here.

The fact that Rey also received a message at the same time only confirms my belief.

The knowledge gives me no pleasure but only seething resentment. My time with Rey is _private._

I hear her shuttered breath and look at her.

Sparks anger linger in her eyes.

"Rey."

She looks at me and for a moment our thoughts mirror each other.

Resentment and anger at the interruption of our time together.

But she is quicker to let go and I see resignation replace the anger.

"I know...it's time to go."

A soft exhale and she offers me a smile that is more of a grimace and it does not reach her eyes.

"Well you did say you wanted to leave here so I guess this is as good a time as any."

She turns and I can see her already dividing the lines between us.

No longer Rey and Ben.

Only First Order and Resistance.

I won't allow it.

We've come too far to go back to being defined like this.

I catch her around the waist before she can take more than a few steps.

Surprise widening her expressive eyes as her hand comes up to rest on me.

"Ben?"

She still calls my name and I hold onto it like a talisman.

"This doesn't change anything between us Rey," Cold anger despite my attempt to rein it in, "We still have time."

She gazes up at me and I can feel the tension coiling in her.

"Yes," she answers slowly but I flinch inside at the sorrow I see gathering already, "we still have time."

She doesn't understand just yet but I will take that sorrow from her and replace it with happiness.

This time nothing will come between us.


	47. Chapter 47

**Author's Note: **So just a quick update. I've not been feeling so well so I haven't had much energy to write, hence the short chapter but I love all my readers and didn't want to leave you hanging.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews: **Even sick, I still read all the comments left. It brightens my day like nothing else ever can or will.

"_Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings-_

_always darker, emptier and simpler."_

Friedrich Nietzsche

Rey

The ride back to the resort was fast, almost as fast as when we left the mountain but without the carefree spirit Ben had displayed.

No more antics, no laughter or stopping when something caught our eye. Only a tense silence that had me curving my arms around him, pressing my head against his back.

Even now I could feel the coiling tension in him, neither one of us willing to be the first to speak.

Whatever the Resistance needed to contact me about couldn't be that urgent or Leia would have sent Poe and Finn in person.

Unless something _had _happened to them and that's why they were sending me this transmission.

I bit my lip and pressed myself harder against Ben.

What if my friends were hurt or captured while I had been out here...

Spending time with Ben, _loving _Ben and feeling resentment that the Resistance wanted to pull me away from him.

Guilt, that ever present shadow in my life, whispered her thoughts directly into my brain.

Traitor, she laughed, falling into the arms of your enemy.

Betrayer, she hissed even as I tried to shut out the words, to forget your _friends. _

All for the love of a _man..._and not just _any _man.

The _Supreme Leader _of the First Order.

Stop it! I screamed silently at the growing tide in me.

Yes I fell in love, is that so wrong?

What the hell am I fighting so hard for if not for the one thing that matters most?

He wasn't the Supreme Leader, not to me.

He was Ben Solo. Leia and Han's son.

The chaos of my thoughts were so blinding that I didn't even realize that we had come back to the resort until Ben pulled the speeder into the hanger and I was no longer in the sun.

I blink and slowly unwrap my arms from around him.

I didn't want to let him go.

I didn't want to walk into the resort wondering what fate had in store for me now.

I just wanted...more time with him.

Was that really such an awful thing to wish for? Am I being selfish in wanting to be with the man I love?

I slip the helmet off of my head but I can't bring myself to get off of the speeder.

I'm stalling...and I notice that Ben is doing the same thing.

His hair is curled around his neck, sweat making the ends stick to his skin.

"Ben."

A slight shudder passes through him and he turns, looking at me with those midnight eyes of his.

The breath in my body catches, my heartbeat stuttering.

Already I can see the trace of Kylo Ren in his gaze.

"Don't...please, Ben."

I don't want to see the mask of Kylo Ren, the face of the First Order.

"Rey..."

His hand reaching for me but then it clenches tightly before touching me and I watch, helplessly, as he gets off the speeder.

He stands with his back to me and there is a stiffness to him, an unyielding that wasn't there before.

Not even an hour has passed since we received the summons back to the resort and already it is dividing us.

No! We promised each other more time and I don't care how impossible that promise seems, I _will _keep it.

I jump off the speeder and ignore the way he holds himself erect and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his back.

I feel him shudder, the clench of his body but he doesn't bring his arms up to hold me.

"Ben," I whisper, pressing a kiss to his back, "don't do this. You said we had time...so don't push me away."

"Rey...," he turns sharply, so suddenly that I take a step back and like that he enfolds me tightly in his embrace, "I love you."

I hear the desperation in his voice and dig my broken nails into his back, holding onto him with everything that I have in me.

"I know," His mouth finds mine and I let him steal the words from my lips, let my love pour into him, "I love you too."

He thrusts me away from him and again I am helpless to stop the gathering shadows in his eyes.

His breathing is harsh but then so is mine.

I reach for him but before I can touch him I hear the whisper of cloth on stone.

I watch the mask slip back into place and feel my soul ache in response.

Kylo Ren was standing next to me, not Ben Solo.

"Nymeira. What news do you have for us."

Even his voice is different. No longer the teasing, almost sensual purr to his words that made my pulse flutter.

No, this was the conquering warrior. A force of nature that bent everything to his will...or destroyed it.

I turn away, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

The Nymeira seemed unperturbed by his abrupt tone though I have noted that very few things disturb their serenity.

If only I could be the same way.

"Master Jedi, transmission awaits you in your quarters."

The Nymeira turn her opaque eyes to me and I lift my chin, unwilling to reveal the pain digging steel-tipped claws into me.

"Mistress Jedi, message communique also awaits you in your quarters."

"Origins?"

I feel, more than see, Kylo Ren startle at my words.

I have nothing to hide from him.

Just because he wears the mask of Kylo Ren, that doesn't mean that _my _Ben is not beneath the surface.

The Nymeira regard me with her unblinking stare and a soft dip of her head.

"Message relay from Millennium Falcon, Mistress Jedi."

That hard knot that had formed in the pit of my stomach begins to unravel.

If the message was from the Falcon then Poe and Finn _had _to be alright.

Unless it was Chewie...I refused to let doubt and fear get the better of me and give a brisk nod of my head.

"Thank you. I'll return to my quarters now."

I turn to the man at my side and he is staring at me with hooded eyes but even now I can see the cracks.

Taking in a silent breath I hold out my hand to him.

"Will you walk with me?"

The lines have blurred and I don't know if I am talking to Kylo Ren or Ben Solo...

...but I let our a quivering breath when he slides his hand into mine. I tangle my fingers around his and if my grasp is too tight he doesn't complain.

The Nymeira bows her head as we pass on by.

Our footfalls are an echo in the long hallway, the filtered sunlight dappling through the cut glass and I feel as though I am walking in a dream.

The weight of his hand in mine is my only anchor that this is real.

We reach our destination in perfect silence and I hold onto his words of love like a talisman next to my heart.

I turn as he does to stare at my door, our backs to each other but our hands still connected.

I bow my head but his fingers dig into mine when I would have let go.

My heart stutters and I hear the catch in his breath.

He is still my Ben.

It gives me the strength to pull away and enter my room, alone.

Filtered sunlight leaves my room awash in hazy gold, the slight breeze coming off the balcony a cool one that leave the temperature comfortable.

I look to the display screen on my wall and see the flashing blue light.

I sigh and brush back strands of my hair, trembling as I remember the feel of Ben's fingers braiding my hair with such intimacy.

I can do this. It is only a message...and then I can go back to Ben.

Too bad my legs are shaking when I walk over to the wall and press the code that allows me access to the transmission.

It is audio only but the sound of Finn's voice filling my room is both welcome and bittersweet.

Welcome because my worst fears were unfounded...but bittersweet because of the message he has left.

_"Rey...damn it where are you...Fine, you had better be safe! I don't know what Maz was thinking...," _I hear Poe's voice in the background and he sounds both annoyed and harried and the tenure of Finn's voice changes from nagging worry to that of a Resistance fighter, _"don't have much time so I'll make this brief. We're coming to get you tomorrow. Meet us at the landing pad just before mid-morning. Can't reveal too much only that the situation has changed and Leia wants _everyone _back at base. So whatever it is you needed to do there, get it done. You're out of time."_

His voice cuts off and I have to assume that the frequency was being hacked by First Order spies.

What could he mean the situation has change? How? I've only been gone two days...

I sigh and growl softly at the message.

"Finn could you have been any more cryptic?"

But as I replay the message again I hear the subtle nuances in his tone and I pause, eyes widening.

Leia is recalling _everyone..._if I'm reading into this correctly...then it's not just me but even those who are still scouting the Outer Rim, the spies we have on planets occupied by the First Order.

What could have happened that she needed the entire body of the Resistance back at base?

I shake my head and erase the message.

Finn and Poe here on Emphameira, a day earlier than planned.

My hand creeps to my throat as I turn to my closed door...and the man who is just in the other room beyond the door.

Kylo Ren or Ben Solo?

Who is it that is waiting for me?

Water pouring over me, nearly scalding as the steam clouds my eyes. After erasing the message I wanted to go straight to Ben...and realized that he might still be communicating with the First Order.

I had paused, a part of me that was loyal to the Resistance wanting to sneak across the hall and listen in, perhaps gather vital intel to help our cause.

That impulse had made me cover my mouth and shake my head violently and I had run to the bathroom.

How could I have even thought that for a moment? That was _Ben _in the other room.

The man that I love and gave my heart to. Were my feelings so shallow that I would even consider _using _him like that?

That was what the First Order did. They used people and discarded them when nothing more could be gained.

I slammed my fist into the wall, a sharp sting against my skin but nothing else.

No! I wasn't like the First Order...I wasn't going to use my connection with Ben to further the cause of the Resistance.

There had to be a better solution. I just had to find it.

I lean my head against the cool tile, closing my eyes.

Why was this so complicated? I thought love was suppose to...to fix things! To make everything better...

I sigh and tilt my head back, sounding naive even to myself.

Of course love didn't fix everything. Look at Leia and Han. They had been madly in love since the beginning of the Old War...and not even that love saved them when they lost Ben.

Maybe love didn't fix everything...but maybe it helped to endure the worst life had to throw at you so that you could cherish the good when it came.

So that's what I was going to do.

I scrub the dirt and grime from my hair and my body, once more smelling like the Night Empress.

I notice that Ben seems to like the scent and I want to indulge him, even if it is for one last time.

Tears gather in my eyes and I brush them back angrily.

I told Ben to live in the moment with me, to not seek the past or the future and what was I doing?

Fretting over our future.

"Stop it," I tell myself harshly, "you're stronger than this."

I leave the bathroom, my hair still damp and go back into my room. I wrinkle my nose at the blood stained clothing from our 'adventure'.

Not something I want to put back on.

I go to the closet to pull out a similar outfit...and pause.

A memory surfaces...

_Ben...dressed in silver and black, staring at me with midnight eyes that looked at me as if I were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen...such devastating longing in him..._

That was the first day he showed up...when I let the Nymeira dress me in that gold gown, wanting to show him the woman...and not his enemy.

With everything that was happening now between us, isn't that what I still wanted?

To remind him that I wasn't his enemy but the woman who crossed the galaxy to be with him.

To love him.

My decision made, I push back the practical clothing and look for something that suits my purpose.

I stare into the mirror and while I don't exactly regret my decision, I wonder if I'm doing this right.

But it was too late to turn back now, I had been gone long enough at it was. I didn't want Ben to think that I was having second thoughts about us after receiving my message.

In fact I was more determined than ever to have this time with him.

Finn and Poe were coming in the morning which meant I still had the rest of this day, and night, with him.

I smooth my hand over my hair and give myself a wry smile.

"Stop stalling and just go to him."

I turn from the mirror and head for the door, the fabric brushing against my legs as I walk.

I can't help but feel this might be the last time I will ever wearing anything so beautiful, so...perfect.

He had better be done with that transmission because I was done waiting.

I wanted my Ben back.

The door slides open before me and I cross the hall to his room but his door remains firmly closed.

I can hear nothing but the frantic beating of my heart.

I press the chime on the door and wait for him to answer.

How could I be more nervous now than when I first came here? It made no sense, but I was.

My heart was hammering against my ribs and the butterflies in my blood were making it difficult for me to just stand here and be calm.

An eternity passed it seemed before I heard the sound of his footfalls and the door slid open.

I gazed up at him, unable to speak.

Water dripped from his hair, sliding down his bare chest as the robe he must has thrown up slid open.

He was staring at me with drowning eyes and I could form no thought, speak no words.

This wasn't Kylo Ren looking at me.

There was too much fire in his gaze, an ache so painful it caressed me and caused me to tremble just standing before him.

This was Ben.

"Rey?"

His hand lifts, hovering in front of me for but a second before threading through my hair.

I left it loose just for him.

My hand comes up, covering his as I lean into his touch.

"Ben."

His arm around my waist, pulling me into his embrace, the cool touch of his lips to mine the sweetest I have ever tasted.

My fingers in his hair, though I don't remember lifting my arms.

My back to the wall, his body pressing into mine as the door shuts behind us.

I gasp into his mouth as he holds me in place, crowding me and it isn't enough.

"Ben...Ben..." his name the only word I can speak and I don't care that he's devouring me, the heat of his mouth spiking my blood into an inferno.

All I want is him.

He lifts his mouth and I can only look up at him, dazed and helpless in his arms.

"Rey...," he looks just as dazed as I feel as though we've been parted for a lifetime and not just a few hours, "you are...I don't..."

Maybe I did this right after all.

I reach up, pushing back his damp hair.

"Why are you all wet?"

It was an utterly ridiculous thing to say but it's all I was capable of at this moment.

A soft hint of laughter from his mouth that sets my pulse racing.

"I was cleaning up," his fingers threading through my hair, lifting a lock to his lips, "much like you did."

He was destroying me with his eyes and I gripped the edges of his robe afraid to find that all of my bones had turned to water if he let go.

"I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to..."

His mouth on mine, cutting off the flow of my words and I sigh into him, once more the press of his body against mine.

"Ben," I murmur his names when he finally lets me breath, "finish getting dressed."

He was literally destroying my self-control with him being half-naked around me.

A heavy sigh from him, his forehead pressed against mine.

"Is that what you really want?"

I tremble in his arms and swallow hard.

"Y-yes."

He moves his head until I feel the brush of his lips against my ear.

"Liar."

Crooning word from a teasing mouth and it is everything I hoped for and more.

This was Ben, _my _Ben.

Teasing me...driving me insane...and I can't stop the laughter that spills from me.

His room is swathed in shadows, quiet and cool and seemingly hidden from the world.

"I...I'm not lying."

That might have sounded more convincing if I didn't feel so breathless, my hands stroking his bare chest.

A groan from his mouth as he takes mine, the damp heat of his body once more pressing into mine.

Gods but I loved this man.

He lifts his head, raven eyes glittering in the dark and I stroke his cheek, the one that bears my scar.

The scar I gave him during the battle...

"What is it Rey?"

I sigh and pull my hand away.

"We need to talk."

An arched brow from him, his arms still bracketed around me, pinning me to the wall.

"You want to talk _now_?"

His tone is incredulous and I can't blame him, I practically threw myself in his arms.

I lift my hands to his face cupping his strong jaw.

"Please Ben. You know I'm right."

He closes his eyes to me and I feel the coiled tension in his body.

"Alright. Fine."

He hasn't moved and somewhere inside of me I find the willpower to push him away.

"You...you need to get dressed."

Darkling laughter that wraps around me and I take in a shuddering breath, the tension between us nearly palatable.

"Ben," an ache, a desperate plea in my voice, "you're not making this easy."

"Maybe I don't want easy," a cool murmur from his lips as he once more lifts a lock of my hair to his mouth, "did that ever occur to you Rey?"

Eyes opening and again I swept away by the drowning tide in his gaze. This _is _Ben...but I sense that Kylo Ren is far more present than I realized.

My throat dry, I shove at his bare chest, startling him.

I duck from beneath his arms and hold my hand up to him in a warding gesture.

"I'm...I'm going to wait for you in the garden."

"Why there? Why not...here?"

I swallow hard and can't help that my eyes dart past him and to the bed that is not far from where we were standing.

I don't know what's gotten into him, or me for that matter, but if I stayed here any longer...we wouldn't be speaking.

It was far too easy the image that my mind conjured up of him and I, tangled in the sheets.

There was a part of me that desperately wanted to lose myself in his embrace, to pretend that we didn't return to the resort because of the messages that we received.

That we simply wanted to be with each other.

But that was the chaos of my emotions speaking.

"Because we need to _talk,"_ I emphasize the word and watch as his mouth curves slightly in rueful acknowledgment, "that's why."

I turn my back to him, I can't stand here and look at him and not want to touch him.

My willpower wasn't _that _strong.

"Come find me when you're done."

"I won't be long."

I don't know whether that is a promise or a threat but I nod my head.

"I'll be waiting for you."

I slip out his door and turn down the corridor that will lead me to one of the secluded gardens near the resort.

I knew that our time together was something that couldn't last forever...but then I hadn't planned on falling in love with the man the galaxy called my enemy.

Enemy or lover?

I wondered who he would be after we talked.


	48. Chapter 48

**Author's Note: **So I wrote these two chapters in tandem because as I said, I've been unwell but didn't want to leave my readers hanging while I try to get better. So enjoy and please forgive me if I don't update for a while longer.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews: **Yeah, you know the speech by now. Leave a comment to let me know how I'm doing. I love hearing from my readers.

"_I am sick _

_To my soul_

_With a disease_

_Called _

_Thought."_

_-_David Jones

Kylo Ren

I can feel her pressed against me but it is her silence that weighs the heaviest.

The speeder rushes over the land and I wish I could take the time to let her admire the beauty of this world, it is something I know she would take pleasure it.

But we can't, not with the transmissions awaiting us both. I am not so inured to the outside world that it doesn't escape my attention that the Resistance is contacting her the same time my fleet is hailing me.

I gave standing orders to Pryde that I was not to be disturbed unless the matter required my personal attention.

Pryde was no Hux to test the limits of my orders just to see how far he could defy me.

The Allegiant General was neither foolish nor prone to careless disregard of his own safety.

Which meant he had found something that _did _require my immediate attention.

Only one thought could come to mind.

The location of the hidden base that the Resistance now called home.

My hands tighten on the steering grips, though I cannot say if it is anticipation or reservation that courses through me now.

I try to clear the thoughts from my head, it was useless to speculate when I have yet to hear the messenger.

I do not like Rey's silence but I cannot break it.

I feel that anything I say will only remind her that we still stand on opposite sides of the war.

Despite our true feelings towards each other.

If only she would...

I shake my head as the resort crests over the hill.

The speeder glides back into the hanger, the temperate air cool against my skin.

Rey releases her hold around my waist, the heat of her body no longer present as cold shadows settle over me.

I pull my helmet off but I don't move off the speeder.

The role of Kylo Ren awaits me and though I have worn his mask for most of my life, being with Rey has made me realize that I...detest having to wearing it around her.

"Ben."

Rey, calling out my name...no a name that has no place in me.

Not now.

I turn to look at the woman who holds the remains of my heart and see her eyes widen, hear the catch in her breath.

"Don't...please, Ben."

The terrible yearning in her voice clenches my soul.

"Rey..."

How can I explain to her that I have to do this, that I am still Kylo Ren, even if she chooses to call me by another name.

I lift my hand to cup her face and see her eyes widen, that first spark of denial.

So...she will accept _Ben Solo _but deny Kylo Ren.

I clench my fist and withdraw getting off the speeder.

I don't want to see that look in her eyes, not again.

The sound of boots hitting concrete and I feel slender arms wrap around me, the heat of her body nestled against mine.

_Now _she reaches for me only when seconds ago she flinched at the lift of my hand.

"Ben," I feel the press of her lips against my spine, "don't do this." Quiet pleading that shatters the mask I've only just begun to rebuild, "You said we had time...so don't push me away."

Is that what I'm doing? Pushing her away to be the cold, ruthless leader that my people expect me to be?

"Rey," I turn in her arms, I have to see her eyes and she looks up at me, fractured amber that still glow with her love for me and I cannot hold onto the mask of Kylo Ren before those eyes, "I love you."

Her eyes glow impossibly brighter, her fingers biting into me.

"I know," the slight curve of her mouth undoes me and I claim her lips, feel the heat of her love as it pushes back the darkness inside me, "I love you too."

She whispers the words into my mouth and I all I want it to keep her here in my arms, safe from the rest of the galaxy.

I sense them before I see them, the Nymeira.

We have no more time.

I thrust Rey away from me, see the shock in her gaze but my breathing is harsh in my ears as I try once more to control the rage of emotions she stirs to life in me.

I see her lift her hand reaching for me and I want to submit to her caress, to _be _the man she wants me to be.

But I cannot.

Kylo Ren is needed, _not _Ben Solo.

Her hand drops before touching me as the Nymeira come into view.

"Nymeira. What news do you have for us."

I catch Rey out of the corner of my eyes, turning so that I can no longer see her face.

I ball my fist.

So be it.

"Master Jedi, transmission awaits you in your quarters."

Somehow that title leaves an acid taste in the back of my throat.

It is a lie that they keep trying to foster onto me.

As if calling me by another title changes the essence of who I am.

I watch as they turn their attention to Rey.

Even as I watch her lift her chin, I can sense the disturbance inside of her.

"Mistress Jedi, message communique also awaits you in your quarters."

"Origins?"

Her voice is calm, devoid of feeling, as only a Jedi can command.

It is not her voice but her question that startles me.

Both of us know that the message can only be from the Resistance. But to have her confirm it with me standing next to her.

It seems her trust in me still remains.

"Message relay from Millennium Falcon, Mistress Jedi."

I stop the sneer coming to my mouth, but barely. I had rather hoped that damnable ship had been destroyed by now...or at the very least, captured.

However the nervous tension in Rey is no longer so visible, at least to my eyes.

Her friends are safe...for now.

"Thank you. I'll return to my quarters now."

The Nymeira inclines her head but my eyes are trained on Rey.

I watch, unbelieving, when she turns to look at me.

Trembling her hand lifts to me, eyes imploring.

"Will you walk with me?"

I would walk through hell for her.

I slide my hand into hers the tight clasp unexpected but enjoyable.

I lead her from the hanger, the Nymeira bowing before us but all of my attention is on the woman at my side.

We walk the corridor to our appointed rooms in silence though our hands still remain firmly together.

It is an odd feeling. As though were familiar strangers to each other now.

As if not minutes ago we had kissed and exchanged words of love.

I hold her words of love in a secret corner of my soul, where no amount of darkness can reach it.

A memory of light.

All too soon I see familiar doors and we stop, backs to each other as we gaze at our rooms.

Her fingers are still tangled with mine and I hear her soft, in drawn breath as she begins to pull away.

My hand grips her, my heart skipping a beat to feel her pulling away from me.

I know what I have to do. I have to let her go and once more be the Supreme Leader.

But again I have that acid tang in the back of my throat, that feeling that this is somehow all a lie.

Her hand squeezes mine, comfort and strength in that one simple gesture, before she slips free and I hear the slide of her door.

Just cool wind at my back, the echo of her presence lingering yet.

Taking in a sharp breath I enter my quarters.

My room is bathed in shadows, the air cool to the point of almost chilly but it matters little to me.

The flashing red light on the screen is the only thing that requires my attention.

I move to open the visual feed...and pause.

I am still wearing the clothing from this morning. The practical clothing for climbing a mountain...but not suitable for a Knight of Ren or the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair.

"Audio only. Open transmission."

"Access code verification required."

I slide into the nearest chair, hands resting on my thighs and speak the necessary code.

"Access granted. Transmission relaying."

I expected to hear General Pryde's voice on the other end.

Instead what greeted me chilled the blood in my veins to hardened ice.

"Sssupreme Leader Kylo Ren..."

The syllabicate whisper had me clenching my fists immediately.

"Identify yourself. Who are you to contact me on my private channel?"

A hissing sound that took me a moment to realize it was meant to be laughter.

"Sssuch arrogance...but not unexpected from the grandssson of Darth Vader."

My heritage was not one I hid any longer, not after the death of Snoke but that still told me nothing of my unexpected caller.

"Identify yourself _now_."

The Force lashes through my command and the hissing laughter ceased altogether.

"Impressive. To reach ssso far into Exegol."

I made a wise decision in keeping this transmission to audio only. I had barely reconstructed this mask of Kylo Ren and too much of Ben Solo remained for me to completely hide the shock I was feeling just now.

I calmed my breathing, centered my spirit and dug deep into the iron-control that had been at the heart of my training as a Knight of Ren.

I steeple my fingers and lean back into the chair.

"Exegol? You expect me to believe that this transmission is from a planet...that supposedly does not exist?"

A harsh sound over crackling static.

"Do not toy with me Knight of Ren. You have been sssearching for the Wayfinder."

Interesting, so it seems my quarry is tired of hiding in shadows.

"What of it?"

"My Massster commands your presence at his ssside."

"No one," I tell this unknown speaker with a calm that only death can bring, "commands me of anything. I _am _the Supreme Leader."

Silence, only the crackle of static and then the skin on the back of neck tightens and I drop my hands, gripping the ends of the chair.

"Find the Wayfinder," a thousand dying screams I hear in that voice, evil that crawls along my skin like tiny insects, "prove your worth as the last bloodline of Vader. Only then will you fulfill your destiny."

The transmission cuts off and I lean heavily back into my chair.

Months of searching, of scattered reports and hunting across the galaxy on the whisper of a rumor have finally paid off.

I knew who had contacted me, even as I tried to shake off the malignant stain of his taunting command.

The Mad Emperor.

Palpatine.

He was alive...and waiting for me.

Perhaps he believed that because I bore the bloodline of Darth Vader that I would yield to a new master.

Never.

No one would _ever _control me again.

This...needed more time than what I was prepared to give just now. I knew where to find the Wayfinder. I also had a plan to obtain it.

However, Palpatine was mistaken when said that Exegol and _he _were my destiny.

I turn and gaze at my closed door...and what lie beyond it.

I already had my destiny with me.

Now I just needed to make certain she believed in me too.

No matter how much I scrubbed, I could still feel his crawling evil under my skin.

The heat of the water was high enough that the bathroom was redolent in white steam so thick I could barely see my own hand.

I hadn't planned on taking a shower...but the thought of facing Rey after that transmission had made even me shudder in revulsion.

I was all too aware that Rey still had nightmares about Exegol so I was going to have to be careful about this.

I sigh and brace my arm against the wall, letting the water wash over me.

Nothing about this was going to easy.

My life was one chaotic moment after the next.

But I had Rey and the bright presence of her in my life made me believe that I could survive anything.

So long as I had her.

The water begins to cool and I turn it off, rubbing the excess from my body.

I needed to finish up soon, I had left Rey far too long alone and I don't know what the Resistance wanted with her but I knew it could not be anything good.

I wasn't prepared to give her back to them.

Not yet.

The sound of the chime at my door has me pausing and then I remember I had set it to lock behind me so that no one could enter without my permission.

Quickly I snatch up a robe hanging by the door and tighten it as I move across the room.

I hit the key panel and the door slides open to reveal my visitor.

I blink as I stare down at the woman who is looking up at me through dazed eyes.

I am the one who feels dazed, as if I were suddenly thrown into a dream I don't remember having.

When did her hair curl so beguiling over her shoulders like that? I can see the threads of fire more clearly, so beautiful.

Her skin glows and the hint of sunlight seems to make it shimmer.

Where had she found that gown? Did she even know how she looked standing there before me, my most ardent dream brought to life.

Her gown was the color of new snow with thin straps that left her arms bare, flowing in gentle waves down her body that both caressed and concealed her from my avid gaze. White sandals embedded with iridescent crystals wrapped around slender ankles.

Flowers flowed from her waist to the edges of the gown and were so beautifully rendered I felt as though if I touched them they would be real.

"Rey?"

My hand is trembling as I lift it to her hair but she doesn't pull away, doesn't flinch and I bury my fingers in the silken waves.

She smells of sun-drenched forests and flowers that bloom only at midnight, ethereal...evocative and it goes straight to my head.

Her hand comes up, covering mine and she presses her face into my palm.

"Ben."

My name a caress upon her lips, a gentle sigh of love.

I pull her into the room, into my arms and she is already lifting her head to me.

Her lips taste of love and languid heat and everything that good and warm in this cold, dark universe.

Her fingers in my hair and soft, needy sounds from her lips that make me forget about everything.

Her back hits the wall, the door closing behind us and there is only the two of us in my shadowed room.

"Ben...Ben..." every time she calls my name, I feel my blood spike, breaking through the ice that not even the hottest water could thaw.

I lift my mouth, pulling in a harsh breath and all I see is the woman who comes to me looking...like a bride.

_My _bride.

"Rey," again I am undone by the glow in fractured amber, "you are...I don't..."

The words escape me. I want to tell her how beautiful she is, how _much _I want to keep her by my side.

Forever.

Her lips lift into a winsome smile and she devastates me until all I can do is brace my arms against the wall.

Her fingers caress my hair, pushing back the damp strands.

"Why are you all wet?"

She sounds utterly bemused and more than a bit breathless.

It also reminds me what I was doing before she took away my ability to think properly.

I laugh at the glazed look in her eyes as she strokes my hair.

"I was cleaning up," a single, shimmering lock of hair has fallen over her shoulder and I pick it up, bringing the heady scent of flowers to my lips, "much like you did."

Had I known that she would be dressed for me like_ this _I wouldn't have taken so long to return to her side.

A flush along her cheekbones, sliding down her throat that I cannot help but watch with fascination.

Her fingers grip the edge of my robe, the touch of her skin next to mine is lightning in my veins.

"I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to..."

Her voice is but white noise in my head and I claim her mouth, needing her as I have never needed anything in my life.

She sighs, going pliant in my arms and her surrender is everything to me.

"Ben," murmured words against my mouth and I just barely lift my head so she can take in a breath, "finish getting dressed."

I sigh and lean my forehead against hers.

Why does she have to let her practical nature take hold of her now.

"Is that what you really want?"

I can hear the racing of her heart, feel the heat of her skin and the tremble of her body beneath mine.

"Y-yes."

I trail my mouth across her skin until I rest just next to the shell of her ear.

"Liar."

Laughter, lilting and full of delight spills from her lips.

"I...I'm not lying."

She cannot possibly expect me to believe a words she is saying, not when every syllable she speaks is an invitation.

Not when I feel the tips of her fingers languidly stroking my chest, seemingly utterly indifferent to the fact that she was driving me to the point of madness with her butterfly caresses.

I groan and silence her lies, her mouth speaks the truth well enough and once more I feel the lithe curves of her body pressed against mine.

She is all soft sighs and pliant need in my arms.

I lift my mouth only when I feel the burn in my lungs to take a breath and I feel the pad of her fingers trace the scar along my face, ardent desire giving way to haunting shadows that veil her eyes.

"What is it Rey?"

A soft breath full of regret and her fingers retreat from my face.

"We need to talk."

A hint of sorrow, a touch reluctance in her tone and that is _not _what I want to hear from her.

"You want to talk _now_?"

I had other plans for her mouth and speaking had not been high on that list.

Her hands cup my face, the gentlest I have ever felt from her and I look down into earnest eyes.

Eyes that no longer swim with burning desire, but quiet solemness.

"Please Ben," her thumbs brush the edge of my jaw, "You know I'm right."

I hated it when she looked at me like this.

When she speaks to me as if the weight of the entire galaxy rested on her slim shoulders.

I close my eyes, willing the fire in my blood to cool.

Looking at her was not going to make that possible.

"Alright," I sigh and acquiesce to her demands, "Fine."

"You...you need to get dressed."

The trembling of her words betrays the want still evident inside of her.

Laughter, dark and just a touch cruel, slips from me.

"Ben," that ache in her voice, the flair of desire so potent that I burn to hear it, "you're not making this easy."

Perhaps not but then neither did she, looking the way she does, holding me the way she does.

"Maybe I don't want easy," I lift a lock of her hair to my lips and let her see all that I desire from her, "did that ever occur to you Rey?"

I feel the flutter of her pulse, see the dilation in her eyes and feel myself responding.

She shoves at my chest and the move is so unexpected that it takes me back and she out of my arms and closer to the door.

I reach for her and she holds up a hand to me, a look of panic in her gaze .

"I'm...I'm going to wait for you in the garden."

I don't want her so much as a foot away from me let alone on the other side of this building.

However the slight panic in her gaze makes me pause.

"Why there? Why not...here?"

She wants to talk and so we will but there is no reason to leave my room.

None at all.

Her eyes slide beyond me, leaning a little to the right and I know what she is looking at.

The bed.

Where I want her. Where she belongs, in my arms.

"Because we need to _talk," _the slight asperity to her words makes me realize she knows exactly why I don't want her leaving, "that's why."

She turns her back to me but not before I see her fingers clench in her skirt.

"Come find me when you're done."

Her words sound strained and I catch, just before her hair covers her face, the telltale blush across pale skin.

"I won't be long."

No matter how many times she runs from me, I will always find my way back to her side.

A nod of her head to let me know that she heard me.

"I'll be waiting for you."

I hear the promise in her voice before she slips out the door, the lingering scent of midnight flowers still hovering in the air.

I shove a hand through my wet hair and let out a soft growl.

Of all the women to cross my path, I had to fall in love with her.

The only one to speak to my soul. The only one the galaxy deemed worthy to be my enemy.

Our time of reckoning was quickly approaching. I did not know what her Resistance allies told her but our time together was coming to a close, I could read that much in her gaze.

She wished to speak, well so did I.

The only thing I did not know was what would happen afterward.

Enemy or lover?

Who would I be to her when all was said and done?


	49. Chapter 49

**Author's Note: **So turns out being sick is great for insomnia. Also, apparently great for creative inspiration. Since I seem to be on the mend (somewhat) I thought I would share the next chapter. Much love to all my readers.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews-Reviews-Reviews!**

"_There were always those nights_

_where her mind _

_went to war with her heart_

_the fight between what she knew,_

_what she felt_

_and what she had to do_

_sometimes the hardest decisions_

_are made under the moon."_

_-_R.H Sin

Rey

My heart was pounding, liquid fire in my veins threatening to burn me alive.

I pressed fingers to my lips the echo of his touch lingering.

I _had _to calm down. I wasn't going to be able to think, let alone talk, if I couldn't control this storm inside me.

"Ben," I blow out a breath and gather the folds of my dress so that I don't trip over it, "you are absolutely lethal."

I told him to come and find me when he was done...but I prayed that he would take a few minutes longer so that I could have a chance to sort out the chaos in my head.

Walking to the gardens helped. The sun was a shimmering disk in the sky, feathered clouds starting to drift in.

Soon dusk would be falling on this world. The stones beneath my feet lit the way and I knew that Ben would have no problem finding me.

It seemed this place was made for us.

I reached the garden and breathed deeply. Rich scents of life wafted on the breeze. Flowers in bloom, damp soil and the flow of water.

Luke's reclusive island had teemed with life but it was a harsh place, nothing like this.

This was beauty and serenity. Like a dream I had yearned for all of my life but could never remember upon waking.

My fingers trailed over tall stalks of flowers. Vibrant orange, silken yellow and lush indigo.

Silver leaves danced amid clusters of pink-tipped flowers that scattered petals in the wind.

I wandered among the flowers, no destination in mind but the movement allowed my thoughts to finally calm.

Butterflies danced from flower to flower and I followed in their wake.

I wondered if our new base of operation would have flowers like this. Or if it would be again some wild, untamed landscape.

Somehow I had a feeling it was going to be the latter. It was easier to hide out in the wild than in civilization.

I loved the green and growing worlds, their ancient energy and untamed beauty, but I knew that I could happily live the rest of my life right here.

If only...

The icy touch of rain inside my mind, fractured darkness feathering across my soul.

I turn and watch Ben walk up the path, the sun casting him in both shadows and light.

"Ben?"

I can barely whisper his name, wondering if the man I see walking to me is real or just my deepest desire, my most ardent longing come to life.

He's wearing the formal robes of a Jedi Master, but not the muted tones of beige and brown that Master Skywalker always wore.

No his were far more regal.

Crimson and raven were his chosen colors. The hood was thrown back, the sweep of his cloak like folded wings around him.

I see the strength of his mother, the last princess of Alderaan in the way he carried himself.

I see the arrogant confidence of his father in the tilt of his chin, the banked fire in dark eyes when he comes to rest in front of me.

"Hello Rey. I've found you at last."

Sweeping darkness in his voice, muted and sensual.

My mouth opens but nothing comes out. All the calm I managed to find scatters like sand in the wind.

A slight upward tilt of his lips as he reaches out with a single finger to lift my jaw and leans down, pressing his mouth to mine.

It is a chaste kiss, a simple melding of our mouths before parting and yet I feel as though he stroked fire down to my core.

"Ben?"

Do I sound as confused as I feel?

Is he really Ben? He touches me so tenderly but that kiss...

Is this Kylo Ren?

Again that slight tilt of his mouth, a secret that only he seems to know.

"Who else would I be?"

His finger drops from my jaw and I watch as he offers me his arm.

"Would my lady care to walk with me?"

He words are formal but his voice is husky, a silken caress along my senses that leaves me reeling.

Blinking and slightly off-balance I slip my hand over the crook of his elbow.

We move along the path, a silence between us that is both gentle and strained.

"Ben..."

"Rey..."

We stop and stare at each other, my lips twitching and I see his curve as well and we are laughing softly at each other.

We're walking again and I let Ben lead me to a small bridge that crosses a winding stream.

The bridge is all lacework, as though made of frost and crystal, but it does not yield when we step up onto it.

He stops at the apex and I lean over, watching the way the sunlight plays on the water.

"Rey."

I sigh and tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, straightening to look at him.

"Yes?"

"You said we needed to talk."

He leans with his back on the railing, arms folded.

"I'm here."

Yes he was and my mind was more chaotic because of it. I had hoped the peace of the garden, of being out doors and in _open _spaces would help quell the effect he was having on me.

No such luck.

"I...can we walk a little more?"

"Stalling? That's not like you."

I blow out a breath, trying to control my trembling heart.

"Not stalling...just gathering my thoughts."

An arch of his brow but I hold my tongue and wait him out.

I barely catch his sigh but he lifts his arm to me and I take it, moving across the bridge to the other side of the garden.

The lush, manicured garden gives way to ancient trees that have the same silvered-hue leaves and pink-tipped flowers that I had been admiring from before.

I hear the sound of breaking waves and we come through the trees to a secluded area that overlooks a large lake I hadn't known was here.

A small sandstone bench has been erected so that one could sit and gaze out into the waters.

I let go of his arm and gather my skirt in hand and take a seat, my back to the lake. The sun is in that direction, turning everything it touches to burnished gold but I don't want to be distracted.

Ben is doing that all on his own.

He stands there gazing down at me, arms loose at his side, hidden in the folds of the dark cloak he wears.

The touch of his eyes on me, that absolute focus of his will threatens to shatter me and I bury my hands in silk folds of my skirt and turn my head away.

"Are you ready to talk?"

No. No I'm not. I don't think I will ever be ready but I can't avoid doing this forever.

I hear the rustle of cloth against stone and feel his presence next to me on the bench.

The cool touch of his hand lifting mine from my dress, holding it on his thigh.

"Rey," I close my eyes to the gentle persuasion in his voice, "talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking."

I turn to him and cover his hand with my other, looking up at him.

It's time.

"Ben, I'm leaving."

The pressure of his hand tightening around mine is his only reaction to my sudden declaration.

"Why?"

No protests from him, just a calm acceptance that confuses me.

"That transmission I received?" A nod of acknowledgment and I continue, "It was from Finn, he and Poe are coming to get me tomorrow morning. I've been called back, the Resistance needs me."

"Do they? Did they tell you why you are to come back early?"

"No...," I shake my head, "just that I needed to be waiting for them on the landing pad by mid-morning tomorrow."

"Well," a harsh laugh from him, "at least they left us that much."

His hand pulls away from me and he's on his feet, presenting me with his back.

"Did you transmit back to them Rey," His tone is mild but I hear the anger beneath it and once again I bury my fingers in my skirt, "asking for the reason behind the sudden departure? Did you request more time?"

"No," I knew this wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it would hurt like this, "I told you, the Resistance needs me."

"But they didn't tell you why. Shall I?"

He turns to me, the calm mask of Kylo Ren that I know all too well back on his face.

"What do you know."

I didn't mean for it to come out like a demand but seeing the mask of Kylo Ren and hearing the voice of the man I love has shaken me more than I care to admit.

Again that lift of his brow, but it is almost condescending now.

"Should I ask who wants this information? Rey, the woman who loves me...or Rey the Resistance fighter?"

His mocking words cuts through the hurt and sparks my temper and I gather my dress as I leave the bench to stand before him.

"Is that who I am now," I grasp his hand, entwining our fingers and pulling them between us as I step closer, "is that all you see when you look at me? The face of your enemy?"

The mask cracks and I see the flash of burning obsidian as he looks down at our clasped hands.

"You will never be my enemy."

There is honesty in his words and hope flairs brightly inside me.

I didn't want to argue with him.

"Then tell me what you know."

A sigh from him but he doesn't drop my hand.

"If you insist. The message I received was not from the First Order."

I take in a sharp, unexpected breath. If not the First Order then who?

"It was Palpatine, Rey. He's alive."

Darkness clouds my vision and I have to remember to breathe.

Nightmares from months ago when I was trapped in the shadow of Exegol try to smoother the hope I was holding onto.

"That's...not possible. He _died _forty years ago!"

"It would seem that his death was greatly exaggerated."

I pull my hand from Ben and begin pacing, my mind tumbling over all the information I know.

There were rumors, there have always been rumors of a secret cult dedicated to the Sith...but I thought them just that, rumors.

Something to keep the nightmares alive in the galaxy.

I didn't want to believe Palpatine was alive despite that I had, for a brief moment, felt his repulsive touch in the time it took to blink.

"I," Another thought takes me suddenly and I turn sharply back to Ben, "you spoke to him didn't you?"

A nod as he crosses his arms, leaning against one of the trees.

"I did."

"What did he say to you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it matters!"

He is silent, as if weighing something in his mind and I find I cannot read him at all.

My heart is fluttering beneath all of my anxious feelings and then he speaks to me.

"He spoke of me coming to him. To fulfill my legacy as the grandson of Darth Vader."

I can only stare at Ben.

"What...what did you tell him?"

"He terminated the transmission before I could answer back."

"And," I swallow hard and walk over to him, "what was your answer?"

He gazes down at me before unfolding his arms and reaching up to cup my face.

"I will not call him 'Master' Rey. That is what he desires and I will not give it to him."

Relief so profound leaves me shaking and I cover his hand with mine, pressing my face into the warmth of his palm.

"Thank goodness."

It is a breathless prayer from my lips, he had chosen to _not _follow in Darth Vader's footsteps. Nearly a year ago I had been in his mind and I knew that was all he had lived for to be just like Darth Vader.

Yet Palpatine had come for him...and he turned away.

Palpatine...Exegol..._the transmission..._

The pieces all fall into place and I open my eyes pulling away from Ben.

Excitement has me restless and I begin pacing all over again.

"Of course! _That's _why I was contacted why they need me back so soon! Of course Leia..."

"What about her?"

Ben, breaking though my thoughts and I realize I was speaking out loud.

I turn with my fist clutched to my chest and find that I have come back full circle to the discussion we hadn't finished having between us.

Something of my hesitation must have shown through because Ben folds his arms, staring at me with those fathomless eyes.

"Who am I to you Rey?"

It was my own question reflected back at me.

"Am I the man you love...or am I your enemy?"

My heart is beating too fast, I feel as though it will break through my ribs at any moment.

That was the question between us...and yet when I asked it of Ben, he didn't hesitate in answering. He even told me of the transmission that he received, letting me know that Palpatine was still alive.

He had been honest with me. Could I do any less for him?

"You are not my enemy," I tell him, willing him to believe me, "and Leia...Finn told me Leia is the reason I am needed back at base. Your transmission, they must have found the origin of it. Realized what it meant to the war...to us."

Again that spark of knowledge in my mind, a memory that was not my own.

"Leia...Leia, your mother! She and your uncle and your father were able to defeat the Emperor!"

"Darth Vader defeated the Emperor," his voice is mild, almost bored "and both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are dead."

"Yes, but Master Skywalker was able to turn Darth Vader back to the Light!" The words spill from me in a wash of excitement and I'm pacing again, the silk of my skirts brushing against my legs, "It was Anakin Skywalker who defied the Mad Emperor and turned the tide of the war..."

I'm facing the lake, nothing but endless golden waves in my vision but I don't really see it.

I'm too caught up in what I just remembered. Darth Vader, a Sith lord, had been turned back to the light...to defeat Palpatine, the greatest Sith to ever live.

Still living.

It didn't matter because I had found my answer. I knew how to defeat the Emperor without resorting to First Order tricks.

He was standing here with me.

Hadn't he just told me that he had refused to bend a knee to Palpatine? That was not the actions of a Sith, of a man devoted to the dark side.

He told me I was not his enemy and he had turned from Palpatine.

Just like Darth Vader turned from Palpatine.

My gaze moves from the golden lake back to the man who is still leaning against the tree, arms folded.

Still watching me with gleaming eyes.

Surely _two _Jedi could defeat the ancient Sith. No matter how powerful he thought he was.

"Ben..." my hand at my throat and I want to ask him if he's ready to come home, to come back with me to Leia and finally end this conflict.

"Why did you choose that dress?"

His question startles me, I wasn't expecting it, my thoughts still tied to the war and this new information.

"I...what? I don't understand..."

He pulls away from the tree, arms loose at his side and takes a few steps towards me, but no more than that.

A foot of space separates us yet.

"I asked why you chose to wear that dress."

"Where is this coming from?"

What did it matter now what I was wearing?

"I have answered your questions Rey, will you not do the same for me?"

There is a curious light in his eyes, a quiet intensity to his voice that once again makes my pulse thrum in quiet anticipation.

Something is happening between us that I don't quite understand.

"I," my hand creeps back up to my throat and I look away from him, "wanted...to look beautiful for you. To be the woman...you love."

Because I thought this would be the last time I would be able to be like this for him.

His fingers pulling my chin and I turn, unaware that he had moved so close to me and I look up at him.

Ensnared by the midnight flame in his eyes.

"You do and you are."

His hand cupping my face, his other arm circling my waist, pulling me into his arms.

"I have seen a white dress similar to this only one other time."

I blink, unable to follow the thread of his thoughts.

Why do I feel so breathless...scared and hopeful and a thousand other emotions that I can't even begin to name.

"You have? When?"

"When I was boy, living in my parents home. It was my mother's wedding dress Rey. A reminder of what true happiness was for her."

My eyes widen at the significance of his words.

I was wearing something that reminded him of a wedding dress?

Did he think that I...

I didn't know, I just thought it was beautiful and right and...

"Ben...I..."

I was drowning in him, I couldn't look away from that raw look in his eyes. He's pulling his hand from my face, taking up mine and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

It is the gentlest I have ever felt from him.

"Rey I need to ask you-"

I'm pressing my other hand to his mouth, feeling my breath catch.

Desire and fear at war within me.

My heart whispering yes but my mind screaming in denial.

"No!" I know without him even speaking what he is about to ask me, "you can't...don't ask me that question!"

Midnight flame turns to raven shadows in an instant and he pulls my hand from his mouth.

"Why-"

But I stop him again by pressing my fingers to his lips once more.

"Ben," pleading in my voice, "I beg you don't ask me. You cannot ask me...not until there is peace in the galaxy. Until this war is over."

How could I think about my own happiness when there was still so much suffering out there?

Tears gather in my eyes and I uncover his mouth, entwining our hands until we pressed together.

I need him to know that I am not rejecting him.

"When there is peace," I take a shuddering breath and look up at him, "then you can ask me...and I will give you my answer."

Silence between us and I hear the heavy sigh leave him.

"Is that all?"

Again he bends my hand and presses a kiss to the back of it.

"Then I will bring peace to the galaxy."

I blink up at him.

He wasn't joking, his expression was far too serious to be joking.

Joy tears through me and it is nearly painful in its intensity.

I didn't have to ask him if he was coming back with me.

His answer just now was everything I wanted to hear.

I grip our hands tight together.

"Not just you," I tell him, "_we _will bring peace to the galaxy. Together."

I thought I had seen the look of love on his face before.

I was wrong.

The light in his dark eye could eclipse the entire galaxy and I never knew anyone could love me as much he did.

I press my mouth to his, tasting his love, his promise.

My head is resting on his chest, my hand pressed against his heart. His arm is around my waist and I am still getting used to the idea that Ben and I don't have to part.

I couldn't believe that Ben was coming back with me, after all this time I was finally going to be able to reunite Leia with her son.

Maybe, at last, they could mend their broken bond.

I bite my lip and wonder if I should let Finn and Poe know that I was bringing him back with me.

No, I didn't want to disturb this private time between us. I knew as soon as I got him back to base it was likely that we would have little time together.

That was why we were standing here watching the sun set across the lake.

The wind blew softly around us and I nestled closer into his arms, his cloak coming around both of us.

"Cold?"

I shake my head and look up at the man I have crossed a galaxy to find.

"No." I lift my hand and pull his head down, pressing my mouth to his. His hand clenching in the folds of my dress as I flick my tongue over his.

He deepens the kiss, his hand resting against my neck, holding me in place.

I tremble in his arms feeling the burn of desire rekindle in my veins.

I let him lift his head and feel my lips curving into a smile.

"I'm ready to go back inside."

Dusk is falling fast now, where we stand is starting to cover in long shadows.

A dark glitter in his eyes as he strokes my throat.

"Are you? You were quite eager to get away earlier."

I know he can feel the flutter of my pulse, hear the stutter of my heart at the languid caress across my skin.

Again I lift my mouth for him to kiss but he pulls back far enough that his mouth hovers over mine.

Temptation just out of reach.

"Tell me you don't want me Ben and I will call you a liar."

His mouth slants over mine and I grip him around the neck tightly.

This kiss pulls no punches, no longer a feathered caress, but a stark claiming.

A soft, needy sound escapes me and I feel the touch of his tongue against mine and I swear I go up in flames.

He pulls back and I gasp hard, holding onto him before I fall.

"Well...I guess that's my answer."

"Can you walk or do I need to carry you back?"

I dig my nails into his arm and he laughs. Not the light, careless laughter from up on the mountain.

No his laughter was pure, male sensuality. A hint of darkness and more than a bite of wickedness to it.

He pulls back far enough to give me a sweeping bow and offer me his arm once more.

"Let's go back, my lady."

No one should be allowed to be this charming. I slip my arm into his and give him a rueful smile.

"I have never seen you like this."

"Like how?"

"This...royal," there was no other word for that little display he just showed me, "where did you learn to do that?"

"My mother is a princess," he reminds me with a sigh, "and though Alderaan is gone, I still remember my lesson in diplomacy."

I glance up at him and he gives me and wry look. "Before my...training...my mother hoped I might join the senate."

I can only stare at him.

"You...a senator?" I can't help the laughter that slips out of me.

"Is that so amusing to you?"

I nod my head and cover my mouth.

"Ben...you have an _awful _temper, you would never have made it as a diplomat."

"I hear that 'aggressive negotiations' are normal for my family. My 'temper' as you put it, would have been an asset."

I can't tell if he is messing with me or not and I shake my head.

Ben as a _senator. _

I can't picture it.

We walk back through the silver trees to the garden and the air is filled with fireflies.

Tiny specks of light that are everywhere, making even the flowers glow.

"Oh Ben," my arm slips out of his, "look at this."

I have never seen anything more magical in my life.

I lift my hand to the air and watch as they scatter, dancing in the breeze.

I turn, twirling and laughing, fireflies all around me.

Ben in the distance and I stop to see what he is doing.

He's pulling off his cloak, laying across the branch of a silver tree.

The flow of his crimson tunic, the close cut of the black vest that fades into his pants only heightens the appearance that he is some fallen god and my breath catches.

He senses me watching him and holds out a hand to me, a touch of mischief on his lips.

"Will you dance with me Rey?"

I am already reaching for him, our hands clasped together as his settles around my waist.

"Ben there is no..." my words cut off as the sound of a flute drifts through the garden.

Soft and wistful, a haunting melody for such an evening.

"How did you...?"

But he is spinning me in his arms and my question is lost.

We dance among the fireflies, the hidden stones alighting as we pass.

"Ben," I press my face against his chest, softly swaying in his arms, "when the war is over...can we come back here?"

I lift my head up and catch the flicker of shadows before he smiles at me.

"Does this place mean that much to you?"

"Yes, I feel as though this is where we were meant to belong. Don't you?"

"I belong where you are. You can have anything you want Rey."

"Careful," we've stopped dancing, his arms around me as I press a kiss to his jaw, "I might get greedy if you tell me things like that."

A low chuckle from him that has me gazing up at him in curiosity.

"You have many qualities Rey but greed is not one of them."

"Oh," I find that I cannot stop myself from touching him and press a kiss to his throat where the tunic parts, "I am very greedy. You see, I want you all to myself."

"That isn't greed," he's stroking my spine until he cups the back of my neck, "that is merely claiming what belongs to you."

His mouth on mine and he's the one claiming me.

We are never going to make it back to the resort at this rate.

I pull away and cover his mouth with my hands, laughing breathlessly.

"No more or we'll never leave this garden."

The spark in his eyes, that flair of utter want that has me snatching my hands away and backing up and out of his loose hold.

"I am _not _making love to you outside!" Scalding heat across my face, "I can't believe I'm having to say that..."

"Hmm, the grass is soft enough, the nights mild."

"Ben!"

I shoot him an aggrieved look and he shakes his head at me, retrieving his cloak to drape over my shoulders.

"I was teasing you Rey."

His head dips, I feel the brush of his mouth on my neck and my fingers spasm around the cloak as his arms come around me.

I close my eyes, a different heat washing over me.

We were never making it out of this garden.

He pulls his mouth from my neck, a harsh groan next to my ear that sends shivers through me.

"Ben...I _really _want to go inside so stop tormenting me."

"I'm tormenting myself."

He grasps my hand and practically tugs me through the garden. I shake my head and just manage to snatch up the hem of my dress and keep pace with him.

We make it back to the resort and the silence between us is a living thing, a dark heat that scorches both of us anytime our eyes meet.

"Rey..."

That groan in his voice and I shake my head, refusing to look at him.

"No. If you talk to me or...or _look_ at me...we are not going to make it."

His fingers dig into the back of my hand but I'm doing the same to him so I can't complain.

We make it back to the hallway that holds our rooms and I don't even think about it when he pulls me to his side.

The door shuts behind us, his room nothing but deep shadows. Not even the dying sun penetrates and I blink, momentarily blind.

Ben is no longer holding my hand.

"Ben?"

Why did he let go...

I feel him behind me, his hands on my neck, caressing me as he slides his cloak down my shoulders.

"Ben..."I shiver at his touch, feel his breath on my skin.

"Don't turn around Rey. Let me touch you."

Fingers in my hair, tilting my head and the heat of his mouth on me and I gasp hard.

Hands caressing me and I swear he's doing this to torment me.

My hand lifts and I dig my fingers into his neck.

A sharp nip that coats my vision red.

"Ben!"

He lifts me into his arms and I kiss his mouth, dying a little with each step he takes.

I'm on the bed, his body covering mine.

He is nothing but shadows and I tremble beneath him.

"Don't be afraid," a gentle press of his mouth against my jaw, "I'm not going to hurt you. Let me love you."

I turn and find his mouth even as I feel the touch of his hands along my dress.

"I'm not afraid," I whisper into his open mouth, "show me your love."

It is the last words I speak for a long, long time.


	50. Chapter 50

**Author's Note: **So I had hoped to upload both of these chapters at the same time but I am still stick (ugh) and this took longer in the editing process. So here is the rest...

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews...**ooh I think I am in for it now...

"_Run your fingers_

_through my soul._

_For once, just once,_

_feel exactly what I feel,_

_believe what I believe,_

_perceive as I perceive,_

_look, experience, examine,_

_and for once;_

_just once,_

_understand..."_

-T.M.J

Kylo Ren

I am impatient to get back to Rey. The tease of her scent is still in my room and I can feel the taste of her clinging to my mouth.

However I will not rush. She had taken care with her appearance before coming to my door.

The significance of her choice is not lost on me and I can do nothing less for her.

I will not put on the armor that is the Knight of Ren, it will remind her too much of what remains between us.

Questions that require answers before we can move on.

But neither do I wish to give her false hope for something that I could never be.

The Nymeira have filled the closet with clothing suitable for a warrior...or a Jedi.

The beige and brown of a Jedi have never suited me. It reminded me too much of my days as Luke Skywalker's failed Padawan.

However...

I touch the dark fabric that is cut like a Jedi...but I am heavily reminded of an image of Anakin Skywalker _before _he became Darth Vader.

My grandfather had never been one to follow the traditions of the Jedi.

This would suit my purposes nicely.

Neither Jedi nor Sith but a combination of both.

I can only gaze at the glow of the stones and shake my head. If Rey was trying to hide from me she couldn't have found a worse way to do it.

But I don't believe she is trying to hide, after all, she did tell me to come and find her.

So I am and I do.

She is wandering among the flowers and her careless grace has me taking a sharp breath.

She cannot possibly know the beguiling image she makes. Hair gleaming, hidden fire catching the light as her gown floats around her, butterflies dancing in the air.

I understand a little better now why some believed Jedi to be gods from long ago.

She looks up from the flowers she had been gazing at, her eyes coming to rest on me.

I continue walking towards her, see her hands clench in her dress, watch her eyes widen in disbelief.

"Ben?"

A barely whispered name but I hear it...and the confusion beneath it.

She is not certain who I am.

My actions will show her soon enough.

"Hello Rey," her mouth parts but she does not speak, "I've found you at last."

She remains mute, amber fire sparking desire beneath my skin and I reach out to lift her chin, pressing my lips to hers.

Warmth and desire and trembling innocence.

I taste all that and more before I release her mouth.

"Ben?"

Such wide-eyes, confusion and desire swirling vividly in her gaze and I decide to indulge her.

"Who else would I be?"

My question startles her, I can see her response in the flicker of her eyes and I offer her my arm.

Keeping her off-balance means she has less time to think about all the reasons why she cannot remain with me.

"Would my lady care to walk with me?"

No doubt my mother would be impressed that I remember her boring lesson on proper etiquette.

Rey still has that glazed look in her eyes but she slips her hand over my arm and that is all I need.

Our walk takes us away from the garden...and the resort and possibly the prying eyes that await there.

The silence between us is the not the strained one from the hanger...but neither is it the ease of when we rested together on the mountain.

"Ben..."

"Rey..."

I look at the woman on my arm as we speak as one and see the curve of her mouth, the light coming back into her eyes.

Amusement flickers through me as we laugh at each other.

I suppose some thing cannot be rushed.

Our walk takes us to a bridge that crosses a small stream that parts the garden.

She has that look in her eyes when she see's something beautiful.

The bridge may look fragile but it is sturdy as we step up onto it.

The apex is arched and Rey slips from my arm to look down at the flowing water, her hair tumbling around her shoulders.

Shielding her from my sight.

"Rey."

A gentle breath from her lips as she straightens, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she meets my eyes.

It is a gesture she does when she is nervous.

"Yes?"

So she is not going to make this easy for us.

"You said we needed to talk."

Rey doesn't answer me and I sigh, folding my arms and wonder how much longer she plans to drag this out.

"I'm here."

"I...can we walk a little more?"

Whatever she needs to tell me is making her far more nervous than I imagined.

"Stalling? That's not like you."

The tremble of her breath and I see the faint trace of color across her face that is not her cosmetics.

"Not stalling...just gathering my thoughts."

I feel my brow lifting, wondering if she truly expects me to believe that.

She doesn't turn her gaze from mine, a quiet battle of wills between us.

I sigh and offer her my arm.

Walking a little longer will not do any harm especially if it will put her at ease.

We cross the stream and move beyond the silvered trees that are native to this world.

I hear the soft crash of waves in the distance and the trees part to reveal the hidden lake.

It was the one I noted when I stood on Maz's balcony when I first arrived.

There is a small bench in the distance and Rey lets go of my arm to sit, leaving empty space between us.

She doesn't turn to look at the lake, as I thought she might, but at me.

A mix of longing and regret I see in her.

The longing I want. It is the regret I can do without.

She turns her eyes away from me and I frown not liking her silence.

"Are you ready to talk?"

An almost imperceptible shake of her head. The rustle of silk as her fingers crush the fabric.

I've never seen her like this. So hesitant and indecisive.

I make a choice and move to her side, settling next to her on the bench. She has moved so that half of her body is hidden away from me and her knuckles are as white as the fabric she holds.

I lift her clenched hand out of her skirt, her skin warm from the pressure and settle it in mine.

I can feel the tension in her and I reach out to soothe her.

"Rey, talk to me."

The shiver of her body is her only response but I do not stop.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

She has always been able to talk to me even when she thought she hated me.

Because she knows that I will never turn away from her.

Not then and not now.

A moment of pause, the pressure of silence between us but finally she is facing me.

Her other hand closes on top of mine, trapping me now between her hands.

Heartbreaking sorrow looking up at me.

"Ben, I'm leaving."

I knew this was coming and my hand clenches around hers involuntarily.

Now is not the time for me to lose control despite my need to pull her in my arms and demand that she stay.

"Why?"

I have a good idea of why but I want to confirm it.

My question is chasing the sorrow from her and confusion sets in.

"That transmission I received?" I give a slight nod of my head and she continues, "It was from Finn, he and Poe are coming to get me tomorrow morning. I've been called back, the Resistance needs me."

Of course the Resistance needs her. Other than my mother, she is the last living Jedi.

But she was to have three days on Emphameira, that much I remember. However having received my own transmission gives me new insight as to why they want her back so soon.

That doesn't mean I like it.

"Well," derisive laughter escapes me,"at least they left us that much."

Perhaps I should be grateful that they didn't tell her to be ready by the end of this day.

I don't feel grateful.

I pull my hand out from hers and the restless energy I've kept in check is spilling through me and I get up to walk around.

"Did you transmit back to them Rey," did you even give a moment's thought as to what this would mean to me, "asking for the reason behind the sudden departure?" Anger chasing through me, "Did you request more time?"

"No," I hear the confused hurt in that one word, begging me to understand, "I told you, the Resistance needs me."

They need you to fight a nightmare nothing more.

"But they didn't tell you why." I hear the sharp intake of her breath but I press on. "Shall I?"

I turn to look at the woman here with me and I see wariness in her gaze.

"What do you know?"

Suspicion laced in her voice and the eyes of a Resistance fighter looking back at me.

I had thought...I had hope for...

So much for trust.

I lift my brow at her and give mocking acknowledgment to her.

"Should I ask who wants this information?" Shock in her luminous gaze but I've been fooled by her artless innocence before, "Rey, the woman who loves me...or Rey the Resistance fighter?"

Somehow I already know the answer and it is a bitter pill to swallow.

Shock gives way to blazing anger at my cold words and she rises from the bench, reaching my side in a matter of seconds.

"Is that who I am now," her hand finds mine, entwining our fingers so close together I can feel the frantic beat of her pulse, "is that all you see when you look at me?" Imploring eyes that no longer look at me with such heavy suspicion, "The face of your enemy?"

I feel the press of her palm to mine, the firm resolve of her grip and the anger that held me only moments ago leaches away.

"You will never be my enemy."

I have loved you far too long, held your light against the darkness within me to see you again as my enemy.

"Then tell me what you know."

Not a command but a pleading request.

It was time to see how this played out between us after all.

I sigh but refuse to let go of her.

Make what she will of the information I am about to give her but I will not be the first to pull away.

"If you insist. The message I received was not from the First Order."

Disbelief widening her eyes, a shocked breath that my transmission was not what she expected.

If only it could be that simple.

She would have learned of this eventually, better that it comes from me.

"It was Palpatine, Rey." Revulsion and refusal crawling in her eyes, "He's alive."

Her faces bleaches of color, her breath coming in hard gasps and I tighten my grip on her hand, afraid that she is about black out.

"That's...not possible. He _died _forty years ago!"

Should I be thankful that she didn't black out or concerned about the mindless panic I now hear?

"It would seem that his death was greatly exaggerated."

My words seem to snap her out of her panic and she snatches her hand away from mine, pacing jerkily around the grounds.

I drop my hand, feeling a bitterness coat my throat.

I see the emotions chase across her face.

Denial, anger, fear...and finally cold acceptance.

"I," she jerks to a stop and seems to remember that I am still here and turns to me, once more all wary suspicion where I am concerned, "you spoke to him didn't you?"

I was wondering when she was going to figure that part out.

I lean against the tree and cross my arms, a nod of acknowledgment at her question.

We are only just getting started, the two of us.

"I did."

"What did he say to you?"

Ah, there it is. There is the Rey from so long ago. Demanding answers instead of asking for them.

"Does it matter?"

My words are goading and I know it. Her eyes flash amber fire and I can hear the snarl of frustration in her answer.

"Yes it matters!"

I wish I could believe that. Perhaps it does matter to her...so long as it benefited the Resistance.

Well I have no reason to lie to her.

"He spoke of me coming to him." Speaking words that in the past might have goaded me into reckless action, "To fulfill my legacy as the grandson of Darth Vader."

She stares at me with breathless horror...and hopeful yearning that somehow makes my heart ache with a pain that I cannot comprehend.

"What...," a hitch in her breath, "what did you tell him?"

No longer demanding but hesitant...one might even say fearful.

I wonder if the woman I love is still in there somewhere, buried beneath the weight of loyalty and obligation.

"He terminated the transmission before I could answer back."

She moves towards me, the skirts of her gown flowing around her like water, eyes swimming with emotions.

"And," I watch the tremble of her lips with mild confusion, "what was your answer?"

Did she think that after everything has happened I would bend a knee to another?

There is pain in her eyes I don't understand and I pull away from the tree to cup her face.

Her skin, despite the bleached out color, is warm to my touch.

"I will not call him 'Master' Rey." This much I can tell her freely, "That is what he desires and I will not give it to him."

Palatable relief in her eyes, the shine of unshed tears.

She's shaking when she places her hand over mine, pressing her face harder into my open palm.

"Thank goodness."

The sound of a whispered prayer and she is looking up at me with such tenderness, I move to enfold her in my arms.

Perhaps I was too hasty in assuming that she...

But that tenderness is extinguished by whatever thought has come to her just now and she slips away from me, once more pacing with untamed energy.

"Of course!" Her excitement is hard to miss and the words spill from her, "_That's _why I was contacted why they need me back so soon! Of course Leia..."

Ah, so it is thoughts of my mother that made her forget about me so easily.

I should have realized sooner.

"What about her?"

What plots are my mother hatching this time? What grand scheme requires the aide of a fledgling Jedi?

She turns to me no longer so animated or so loose with her thoughts.

Once more she guards herself in my presence.

It was time to find out the truth between us.

I lean back against the tree, folding my arms.

"Who am I to you Rey?"

Her hand creeps to her chest, uncertainty and an unbearable ache in her eyes as she stares at me.

I don't want to hurt her...but I must know the truth.

"Am I the man you love...or am I your enemy?"

Which will you choose? What means more to you?

"You are not my enemy," quiet conviction in her words that stab at my heart as she moves closer to me, "and Leia...Finn told me Leia is the reason I am needed back at base." A soft intake of breath, eyes beseeching me, "Your transmission, they must have found the origin of it. Realized what it meant to the war...to us."

That was possible. Somehow I had a notion that Palpatine _wanted _to galaxy to know he was still alive. My mother, despite her aborted training, still had all the senses of a Jedi.

Including the ability to foresee events before they happen.

"Leia...Leia, your mother! She and your uncle and your father were able to defeat the Emperor!"

I know my family history but I am curious as to how she learned of it. Not something I would think a girl from the backward planet of Jakku would learn about.

"Darth Vader defeated the Emperor," I remind her, slightly bored with her obsession with the past, "and both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are dead."

It took both a former Sith and Jedi to overthrow Palpatine.

"But Master Skywalker was able to turn Darth Vader back to the Light!" She was speaking with such enthusiasm that I doubt she noticed how much her words startled me.

_That _particular bit of knowledge was not known outside my family and the tight circle of friends my parents held in trust.

"It was Anakin Skywalker who defied the Mad Emperor and turned the tide of the war..."

She is not wrong but her words have disconcerted me. Just where had she learned this?

From my mother...or from Skywalker himself?

Rey has become still, no longer frantically pacing but silent as she looks onto the lake that has been transformed into liquid gold by the sun.

I wonder what new thoughts have sprung up in that agile mind of hers.

She turns as if sensing my thoughts and she looks both frightened and oddly vulnerable when she stares at me.

"Ben," she's speaking but I have waited long enough and I have not asked all of my questions that need answering.

"Why did you choose that dress?"

Whatever she had been thinking is lost in the wake of my question.

Of all the gowns she had to choose from, and I am quite certain she had a variety, why that particular one?

"I...what," her hand has crept to her throat and she had that look of dazed incomprehension on her face, "I don't understand..."

I move away from the tree, coming to rest just a little more than a foot from where she stands.

I want to be able to look into her eyes, to gauge her words for myself.

"I asked why you chose to wear that dress."

"Where is this coming from?"

She sounds confused and more than a bit defensive.

Rey was trying to be evasive. Too bad it wasn't going to work in her favor.

"I have answered your questions Rey," I remind her, "will you not do the same for me?"

"I," the blush moves across her cheekbones even as her hands cover most of her skin she still turns her eyes away from mine, "wanted...to look beautiful for you." Words barely above a whisper and my pulse is pounding loud in my ears and I hear her next sentence just barely above the roar, "To be the woman...you love."

I close my eyes to calm the rage in my soul. She had been thinking about me the entire time she was dressing.

I haven't lost her. I won't lose her.

Her eyes are veiled to me, the sweep of her lashes casting faint shadows on her skin.

I cross the distance between us and lift her blushing face to my eyes.

Fractured amber looking up at me.

"You do and you are."

I cup her face, feel the heat of her skin as I pull her gently into my arms.

The glow in her eyes has nothing to do with the setting sun.

"I have seen a white dress similar to this only one other time."

Blinking eyes that hold bewildering puzzlement. I need to make her understand why this is important.

"You have? When?"

"When I was boy, living in my parents home. It was my mother's wedding dress Rey. A reminder of what true happiness was for her."

It was a memory that has stayed with me. It is one of the few times I ever saw my father smile at my mother with such tenderness, a man truly in love with the woman he called wife.

Her eyes widen and I see the meaning of what I am trying to tell her finally set in.

"Ben...I..."

Did she know how she sounded right now? Did she hear what I heard? That blend of longing and frightened hope and just a touch of fear.

I would take away that fear.

I pull my hand from her face and pick up the hand she has pressed to my heart, placing a reverent kiss on the back it.

"Rey," can she feel the pounding of my heart, the depth of my desire, "I need to ask you-"

Her free hand covers my mouth, the pressure enough that I cannot finish my question.

Terrifying fright has eclipsed the light in her eyes.

"No!" sorrow and pleading in every word she speaks, "you can't...don't ask me that question!"

This is not the reaction I expected and all of my dreams fracture beneath her vehement denial.

I pull my mouth away from her hand. I have to know why she is denying me even before I have the chance to ask my question.

"Why-"

Her fingers at my mouth and again she won't let me speak.

"Ben," she sounds as if I am the one breaking her heart, not the other way around, "I beg you don't ask me. You cannot ask me...not until there is peace in the galaxy. Until this war is over."

She removes her hand from my mouth, tears swimming openly that make her eyes shine brighter than normal.

Her hands grasping mine until we are so close together I can feel the frantic beat of her heart.

I am certain she can feel mine.

"When there is peace," a shuddering breath and I see the ardent longing she doesn't try to hide when she looks at me, "then you can ask me...and I will give you my answer."

So...she will not agree to marry me until there is peace?

Relief unlike anything before floods through me and I let out a heavy sigh because of it. For a moment...I truly believed she didn't want to be my wife.

To pledge her life to mine.

I can feel her trembling, she must think that I am angry with her.

"Is that all?"

A catch in her breath as I press another kiss to the back of her hand. I have told her before, whatever she desires I will give to her.

"Then I will bring peace to the galaxy."

She is looking at me as if not quite believing what I told her.

She has given me a task to perform before she will agree to marry me. I do not take such things lightly.

She will be the one to stand by my side when I make an end of this war.

Disbelief transforms into breathtaking beauty.

"Not just you," she clasps our hands tighter, "_we _will bring peace to the galaxy. Together."

Finally..._finally _she understands that we were never meant to part.

That her place has always been at my side.

I knew she was my destiny and the burning light in her gaze is all I will ever need.

Her mouth settles on mine and I taste her love. Her promise.

I hold her close in my arms, the turbulent emotions that were once at war within me, now finally calm.

She has chosen her side..and it is with me. I know that this won't be easy for her and her friends will not understand at first that the choice she made has saved their lives.

Perhaps now my mother will realize that my path was always the correct one.

Sacrifices will have to be made...but all of that can wait until tomorrow. For now, my only thought is for the woman who is nestled in my arms.

I feel her shiver as the breeze comes off of the lake, dusk rapidly approaching.

I wrap my cloak around her exposed skin. Her dress was far too light for the dropping temperatures.

"Cold?"

A brush of her head against my chest and she lifts her eyes up to mine.

Starlight never shined as brightly as she does now.

"No." her hand reaching up to pull my head down and I gladly submit to her demands when she press a kiss to my mouth.

The flick of her tongue across mine is unexpected and a sharp jolt of pure desire sweeps through me, my hands digging into her gown for support.

Her mouth pulling from mine but I am not done kissing her, tasting her desire and I hold her in place, indulging my need to feel her next to me.

She trembles beneath me but not from fear.

No, she tastes far too much like love to be fearful of me.

I lift my head and watch her lips move up into a beguiling smile.

"I'm ready to go back inside."

Sensual and inviting, desire a living entity in her eyes and lust strokes dark fire beneath my skin.

She no longer hides her need for me and I find that I am utterly seduced by this side of her.

I caress the slim column of her throat, feel the frantic beat of her pulse.

"Are you? You were quite eager to get away earlier."

The flash of fire in amber tells me she is aware that I am teasing her. Now that she is mine I find that I am more than willing to indulge her every mood.

She lifts her mouth for me to kiss but I pull back, just far enough that she cannot reach me.

I am enjoying the fact that I can see her craving for me so vividly.

"Tell me you don't want me Ben and I will call you a liar."

Her breath on my skin and my control shatters and I give her what she wants.

Her fingers digging into my neck and I take everything she offers and demand more.

If I am to surrender then she must do the same.

Soft whimpering, a desperate sound and I stroke my tongue over hers, my body clenching tightly as she submits.

I jerk my head back, breathing hard as I hear her gasp for air.

"Well...I guess that's my answer."

Eyes dilated, her mouth swollen from my kiss and I can feel her quivering as she tries to pretend she can still stand.

"Can you walk or do I need to carry you back?"

Her nails bite into my arm despite the fabric covering my skin, eyes sparking wildfire at my not-so-innocent question.

Volatile and stubborn, that is my Rey.

I cannot help but laugh at her tempestuous moods.

Submitting to me one moment and then pretending to not be affected the next.

I pull away and give her a sweeping bow that would befit an empress. Delight and confusion in her when I offer my arm.

"Let's go back, my lady."

She slips her hand back into my arm and I see her shaking her head at me, dry amusement lifting her lips.

"I have never seen you like this."

She sounds happy but I detect a note of uncertainty.

"Like how?"

"This...royal, where did you learn to do that?"

She sounds both impressed and bemused by my actions.

Well I was showing off, if only just a bit.

"My mother is a princess," I remind her though I am aware that Leia Organa has renounced her title, "and though Alderaan is gone, I still remember my lesson in diplomacy."

Diplomacy, I remember my mother telling me, was the art of lying without getting caught in the lie.

Rey is giving me that curious-but-I-don't-believe-you look again.

I sigh and tell her the rest.

"Before my...training...," before fate decided to smile cruelly on me, "my mother hoped I might join the senate."

"You...a senator?"

Her laughter holds a note of incredulity to it and somehow I am not surprised.

"Is that so amusing to you?"

She covers her mouth but her eyes are dancing and I don't need to see the grin to know it is there.

"Ben...you have an _awful _temper, you would never have made it as a diplomat."

It seems Rey has some archaic views regarding what diplomacy actually entails.

"I hear that 'aggressive negotiations' are normal for my family. My 'temper' as you put it, would have been an asset."

She drops her hand and has that I-don't-believe-you grin on her face.

But she is not arguing with me and I let it slide.

Truthfully I doubt I would have followed my mother's plans for me even if I hadn't been sensitive to the Force.

Memories come on swift wings, ones that I buried a lifetime ago...

_"She's the fastest in the galaxy Ben," my father lifting me into his lap so I can stare at the controls of the Falcon, "when you're old enough I'll take you on the Kessel Run."_

_ My hands reaching for the controls as my father ruffles my hair, "Between your uncle Luke and myself, you'll be the best pilot this galaxy has ever seen."_

_ I couldn't wait to be an ace pilot like my father, a hero of the galaxy. _

"Oh Ben," I snap out of my past at the sound of lilting wonder, "look at this."

Fireflies have gathered and we are back in the gardens where I found her not too long ago.

Rey slipping away from me, hands lifted to the air as the bugs scatter on the wind.

She laughs, twirling as lights dance with her and I forget my past in this vision of my future.

I strip the heavy cloak from my shoulders and throw it over a branch.

Rey is watching me, that secret smile playing on her lips.

The hour is growing late but I am more than willing to indulge her if it keeps that glow in her eyes.

I hold out my hand to her.

"Will you dance with me Rey?"

She glides into my arms, resting her hand in mine as I settle her in my embrace.

We are in need of music and I sense the Nymeira nearby, watching us. I send out a single thought, just brushing across their minds, conveying my desires.

"Ben there is no..."

The sound of a flute fills the air and I sweep Rey into a dance that follows the haunting notes.

"How did you..."

This was not the time for questions and I twirl her in my arms, the glow of her eyes softening as we dance together.

There will be blood and tears in the days to come, but for now, I can give her this.

"Ben," I turn her in my arms and her head comes to rest on me, "when the war is over...can we come back here?"

I wonder if she realizes that Maz may not welcome us so quickly as before but if she wants to come back then I will make it happen.

"Does this place mean that much to you?"

I can think of a dozen other worlds that would also suit her tastes.

"Yes, I feel as though this is where we were meant to belong," A beguiling smile just for me, "Don't you?"

"I belong where you are." If she told me she wanted to live in the swamps of Dagobah I would make it happen, "You can have anything you want Rey."

We have stopped moving, I am caught in the brilliant gleam of her eyes.

"Careful," her lips find my jaw, a burning kiss to my skin, "I might get greedy if you tell me things like that."

I laugh at her blatant lie and she pulls her mouth from my skin to look up at me.

No doubt wondering what I found so amusing.

"You have many qualities Rey," I tell her indulgently, "but greed is not one of them."

Selfless to the point of reckless, yes, but never greedy. Which is why I was going to make it my job that she never wanted for anything ever again.

"Oh," a thrum of desire lacing through her voice as she finds the hollow of my neck, "I am very greedy. You see, I want you all to myself."

My hand finds the base of her spine, my vision awash in a haze of lust so potent I can't think.

"That isn't greed," her skin is silken beneath my touch and bury my fingers in her hair, "that is merely claiming what belongs to you."

I feel her startle and despite my words, I claim her for my own.

I will indulge her every whim, her every desire but right now I need this from her.

She goes pliant in my arms, willingly submitting herself to my desire and a single thought crosses my mind.

We are not going to make it out of this garden.

Her mouth pulls away and before I can retake it, she's pressing her hands to my mouth, breathless laughter spilling from her.

"No more or we'll never leave this garden."

The thought of seeing her beneath the moon, starlight caressing her skin paints my vision anew.

She pulls away from me, a slash of red vivid against her skin as she backs out of my arms.

"I am _not _making love to you outside!" The flush of color travels down her throat, "I can't believe I'm having to say that..."

I see her bite her lip and I know that for all of her protests, she might not be as unwilling as she sounds.

"Hmm, the grass is soft enough, the nights mild."

The clouds drifting in were too light to hold rain...

"Ben!"

The aggrieved look has me sighing and letting go of the idea. It seems I was going to have to ease Rey into the more creative ways to make love.

The flush over her skin, turning it a delicate peach is having a drastic effect on my control and I grab my cloak and cover her shoulders.

She is still staring me with that outraged look.

"I was teasing you Rey."

Mostly. Not really. But I would get around her shyness.

She cannot look at me with that mixture of hesitant anticipation and scornful challenge and not expect me to react.

I lean down where my cloak has slid off of her shoulders, finding that delicate arch of her neck.

She should not have tilted her head back, giving me better access if she expected me to stop.

My arms around her and I feel the flutter of her pulse, that delicious tremble of her desire.

A harsh groan as my control slips another notch.

"Ben...I _really _want to go inside so stop tormenting me."

I cannot tell if she is demanding or begging me right now. Either way the husky tenure of her voice is a goad to my desire to claim her.

"I am tormenting myself."

I can't look at her or we might as well give up any idea of making it indoors.

I grasp her hand and tug her through the garden.

We make it back inside but I can feel her eyes on me like a living heat, burning away my control one fine thread at a time.

"Rey..."

She digs her nails into the back of my hand and I hear the burning need in every syllable she speaks.

"No. If you talk to me or...or _look_ at me...we are not going to make it."

My grip must be crushing her but I can't stop myself from wanting her. We turn down the hall and I see the door to my quarters first.

She doesn't protest when I pull her to my room. At this point I doubt either one of us cared where we entered.

My room is cast in shadows, a sweeping darkness that does not allow any light to penetrate.

I slip my hand from Rey's when she stops abruptly. No doubt trying to acclimate herself to the lack of light.

I can see her silhouette clearly, the living heat of her presence I could find blindly.

"Ben?"

She can't see me and for now that is what I want.

Let her feel me, let her know me in the dark where her eyes cannot deceive her.

I brush my fingers along her neck, the silk of her hair rubbing against my hand as I slide the heavy fabric from her shoulders.

"Ben..." desire and a hint of fear when she calls out that name.

"Don't turn around Rey. Let me touch you."

Burn for me. Desire me until I am the craving in your blood, in your soul.

My mouth finds the sensitive arch of her neck, that one spot that makes her tremble with abject desire.

The harsh sound of her breathing fills the air as she leans into me. I can feel the lithe curve of her body beneath the silk gown she wears.

Such heat I feel from her.

Her hand curves around my neck, the dig of nails in my skin that is both pleasure and pain.

I nip at her neck, returning the favor.

"Ben!"

Lust coating her voice and feel her trembling violently against me.

I sweep her into my arms, her lips searching for mine in the dark and I am grateful the bed is no more than a few steps away.

She is reducing my will to ashes with her mouth.

The brush of cloth against my leg and we've reached the bed.

I lay her down still held in my arms as I lean over her.

I feel her eyes looking for me, trying to see my face, trembling all the while.

"Don't be afraid," I whisper, pressing a reverent kiss to her jaw, "I'm not going to hurt you. Let me love you."

Listen to my voice, feel how much I love you. How much I adore you.

"I'm not afraid," she turns her head whispering words of love into my mouth, "show me your love."

It is the last words spoken between us for a long, long time.


	51. Chapter 51

**Author's Note**: Nothing lasts forever...

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews**: _Peeks out from behind eyes, _dare I even ask for a review...?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_After all we have been through,_

_I have lost you again._

_More than that...I have lost myself_

_again in thoughts and wishes_

_of all that can never be."_

-Ranata Suzuki

Rey

I wake to the feel of his lips on my neck, the press of his body against mine. His hands as they stroke my flesh and the slow burn he creates inside me. I'm half-drowsing in his arms when he nudges my knee's apart and a breathless need escapes me when he slips inside of me.

"Ben..."

His hand on my hip, pulling me against him as he flexes, going in deeper.

I gasp, more awake now and my fingers clutch at the sheets.

"Ben...gods..."

His mouth on my neck a scorching brand, his fingers stroking my skin as our legs tangle together as he traps me in his embrace.

I might have learned late what desire is but I've learned since then that it only takes a single touch from him to awaken a response in me.

The feel of him, gliding in and out of me and I can only lay here, trembling and shaking with need.

He is in no hurry, taking me to the edge only to pull back and do it again, pushing me closer each time.

A pleasurable torment that seems to go forever.

His name becomes a fervent prayer on my lips, my blood molten fire and I am being consumed by him.

"Ben...please!"

"No, not yet."

Sensual darkness whispered in my ear, thrumming with desire and I shudder in his arms, even the glide of his fingers in my hair sends sparks over my skin.

His hand stroking my throat, tilting my head back as he sets teeth to my neck, his other wrapping around my hips.

I can only feel him...around me..._in _me...and I cry out his name, desperate for relief.

His movements are no longer languid, a hard thrust of his hips and I cry out, hovering on the precipice but not going over.

"Ben! Please! Please!"

Dark laughter wrapping around my soul as he buries himself deep inside of me, my nails digging into his arms.

I swear he is killing me and I want to die in his arms.

"Now Rey."

The sharp thrust of his hips, my blood roaring in my ears and the absolute command in his voice sends me tumbling over the edge and I shatter in his arms, screaming his name.

Our voices mingle as I hear him call out mine in surrender.

I go limp in his arms, trembling and spent, small aftershocks of pleasure making me whimper.

The man has killed me.

"I...," I gulp, taking in a mouthful of air, "want to do that again."

I feel him shaking against me and hear the faint sound of laughter in my ear.

"Let me...catch my breath...first."

His hand is lazily stroking my hip, he hasn't moved out of me and I lay in his arms, sated for now.

I can hear the call of the birds, raucous in their delight of the morning.

I laugh softly.

"What has you so amused?"

"This time you're the one waking me up."

The irony was not lost on me, considering the mild argument we had yesterday about _me _waking _him _up so early.

Although if I had woken him up like this...we probably would never have left the room.

I turn in his arms, both of us shivering as he slips free, and I lay on my back staring up at him.

Tousled hair, that gentle curve to his lips and raven eyes that gleam satisfied male.

"I trust," he murmurs as he brushes back strands of my hair, "that you won't complain for too long?"

"I told you," I reach up and pull his head down so I can steal a kiss from him, "I want to do that again."

Laughter in my mouth as his lips slant over mine and the only sound is our mingled breathing as I indulge in my need to touch him.

He lifts his head far too soon, tracing the line of my jaw with a single finger, the callous a delicious friction against my skin.

"We'll have plenty of time together when we leave."

Leave? What was he talking...I groan and close my eyes.

Today was the third day.

Our time of refuge was over.

I had no doubts that Finn and Poe were already on their way here, even as I lay naked in bed with him.

"Does that mean we...?"

Have to get out of bed and get ready for the Falcon. Obviously Ben wasn't going to be able to wear what he normally does without Poe pulling a blaster on him.

Soft laughter from him as he steals another kiss from my mouth before I can complete my question.

"Yes...you're coming with me Rey."

I pull away, confused by his words. That didn't sound right.

"Wait...what do you mean I'm going with you?"

"To the _Steadfast_. I've already given the command to be in orbit and expect their arrival soon."

My blood that had thrummed with delicious heat only minutes ago turns icy in my veins.

"Ben," I sit up not caring that we were both still naked in bed, "I'm not going with you to your ship."

This had to be a joke and if it was I wasn't laughing.

I watch as his smile disappears into one of confusion.

"Of course you are, what else did you think I meant when I said we were leaving together?"

"That...you were coming back with me. To the Resistance." I search his eyes, my throat feeling tight, "To your mother."

I never actually asked him that question yesterday but after everything we said, the promise he made me...

A shake of his head and I watch the light slip from his eyes, becoming remote and distant.

"There is nothing for me to go back to. I told you," he reaches his hand to cup my face, "let the past die. Kill it if you must. Rey, you are the only future I will ever need."

This...this can't be happening. He _turned _away from Palpatine...he...he _told _me he was going to bring peace to the galaxy.

So that we could...marry.

What _part _in any of that said I was joining him and the First Order?

I pull my face from his hand, tears burning in the back of my throat.

I turn away, my feet hitting the ground but I can't move and I stare into the distance, my mind unable to comprehend what I'm hearing from him.

All of my dreams I dared to believe in...shattering and falling to dust in a matter of seconds. His hand on my shoulder and a sob tears from my throat and I am out of the bed, shaking my head and holding my arms around me.

"Rey!"

"No...don't ask me to do this...not again."

"I told you, I _will _bring peace to the galaxy. You will be right here at my side when I do. Together."  
Cajoling words that pierce my heart, despair and unimaginable yearning to turn and just say _yes_ and go with him.

I just want to be with him. Forever.

Tears slip down my face and I cover my eyes, pressing my palms to stem the flow.

I can't go with him.

I made a promise to Leia and Finn and Poe and the rest of the Resistance who took me in.

To help win this war...not turn my back on it.

I just didn't count on falling in love with the one man I could never have.

No matter how much my heart screamed that he was my home.

I hear the rustle of the sheets, feel the heat of his body behind me as his arms wrap around me.

"Don't cry Rey," soft words as he presses his lips to my temple and he _feels _like home, still talks to me like he is my Ben, "this war will be over soon and I will ask you that question."

I blink and look up at him, not understanding.

"What do you mean...the war will be over soon?"

How could it be with Palpatine still out there lurking in the dark and the Resistance wasn't simply going to roll over for him...

He looks down at me...and it is the mask of Kylo Ren staring at me, not Ben Solo.

"Everything is nearly in place. Just a few loose ends to take care of."

A deep cold settles into my soul and I can only pray that I am wrong about what I am reading in his words.

"Ben," I can barely breathe, "what did you do?"

A shrug of his shoulder as he wipes a tear from my eye, "It's not what I've done...but what I will do. For us. To end this war."

I tear out of his arms and hug my arms across my chest.

"Oh gods...you're going after the Falcon!"

It made a devastating kind of sense. The Falcon was our fastest ship, a symbol for which we rallied the people, giving them hope.

I also handed him all the information he needed to set a trap. I told him _exactly _when they would be here.

"A necessary sacrifice to end this war. It is a relic from a past that should never have been brought back to life."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This man who I had kissed and laughed with, who I trust my body to...who I had _given _my heart to, speaking of murdering my friends without an ounce of regret.

Was all of this...our time together...just a distraction for him? Biding his time, looking for a weakness to exploit?

Didn't I mean anything to him?

Was everything he told me...that promise of our future...was that all a lie?

A sharp burn in my chest, a furious hurt that threatens to drive me to my knees.

"No! Never!"

I run out of his room, his voice calling to me and I slap my hands over my ears to shut him out.

I won't listen to him. Not his excuses...or his false promises.

Liar!

I'm back in my room and I slam the panel shut, hitting the automatic lock...something I never thought to do in the days I spent here.

Tears blur my vision and my breath is coming in great, gulping heaves as I scramble to find my clothes that I never took out of my bag.

The cylindrical comm device Poe gave me rolls onto the floor as I yank out clothes, not caring what I wear at this point.

I stare at it for a full minute before I snatch it up.

Oh gods Ben...what have you done to us...

It wasn't suppose to be this way.

Not again.

I press the top button to open the channel set to the Falcon's frequency.

"Poe! Finn! If you can hear me, it's Rey...there's a Star Destroyer on its way to Emphameira! It's a trap!"

No response.

Either they're still too far out...or...I shake my head, not wanting to think of the alternative.

I strap the belt around my waist, shove my feet into my well-worn boots and ruthlessly tie back my hair.

The saber I..._we_...put back together is in my hand.

I'm shaking as I look at it.

I just woke from making love to Ben, practically begging him to do it again...and now I have a saber in my hand wondering if he is going to force me to use it against him.

I _can't. _

I love him.

We were suppose to be together! I thought he had chosen to come _home. _

I thought I had finally gotten through to him but I was wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

But I won't let my mistake destroy my friends. He was wrong. This war was far from over.

I grab my bag and repeat my message to the Falcon. I have to get out of here...away from Ben...no, not Ben.

Kylo Ren.

Supreme Leader of the First Order.

For a moment my vision turns black and I can't see or hear anything, just an overwhelming sense of loss, as though I've lost a piece of myself.

I gasp, gulping air and give myself a hard shake. I can't fall apart, not now.

I slam the panel deactivating the lock and carefully look around the open door.

The hall is empty.

I half-expected Ben..._Ren..._to be standing there waiting for me.

I don't trust his silence and I race down the hall the Nymeira scattering in my wake.

There is no time for good-bye, no time to see Maz and explain all of this.

The dream is over. Reality is slapping me hard across the face, telling me to wake up.

I make it to the front entrance with no one stopping me and run as fast as I can to the landing pad.

I don't know why I haven't seen Ben in all this time...until I see a familiar shadow standing in the light.

Kylo Ren in full armor, waiting for me.

It's been days since he wore his armor and I had forgotten just how imposing he could be.

"Rey you don't have to do this."

I shake my head, just barely managing to come to a halt on the edge of the landing pad.

"Get out of here...Ren," I can't stop the pleading in my voice, "don't make me hurt you. I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I. Just come with me."

His hand held out to me and I have a vision of the broken throne room in my mind, a sense of deja vu all over again.

"You love me. Say it...and take my hand."

The tears I thought I manage to push back come streaming down my face.

Hot scalding wetness that holds all of my anger...and the shattered remains of my heart.

How _dare _he demand that of me.

Yes, I love him...I am in love with _Ben Solo. _

But the man I see standing before me isn't my lover, the man who teased me and spoke to me with such tenderness.

Who was going to ask me to marry him.

This is Kylo Ren.

The man who would do _anything _to rule the galaxy.

Including making up whatever lie he needed in order to get his way.

Again I shake my head...and press the button on the comm that sends out the emergency signal to the Falcon.

"No...Kylo Ren. I _won't_."

His hand falters, I see the look of anguish in his eyes and my legs begin to shake.

Oh gods...he is still my Ben, still the man who holds the other half of my soul.

"Don't Rey," pleading from him now, "don't do this to us. Don't walk away from me."

He should have thought about that before he considered my friends lives expendable.

"I didn't do this..._you _did."

A roar inside of me head...but it's not just in me and I look up to see the silver hull of the Millenium Falcon blasting through the atmosphere.

"Rey! We're here!"

Finn voice over the device in my hand and I watch as Ren takes a step back away from me, his saber igniting as a look of deep loathing comes across his when he spies the Falcon.

Blaster fire from the cannons of the Falcon at Ren and I scream...only to watch him deflect the blasts with a lift of his hand. The Falcon just barely dodges getting hit with the backfire.

"Stop it! Don't shoot!"

I'm yelling into the comm device, I don't want to watch Ren die...but neither do I want him to hurt my friends.

"Rey! What the hell..."

"He has the _Steadfast _coming into orbit! Stop wasting your firepower and come get me!"

The Falcon comes back, circling around us and Ren turns to me, saber still ignited.

I can see the torment on his face...and a hint of dismay.

As if I were the one who betrayed him, not the other way around.

"Oh gods Ben..."

I lift my hand to him, I watch as he does the same, we are only meters from each other now.

Even now I want him to take my hand. To tell me that he'll come with me.

The words are on my lips...

"Rey! Get over here now!"

Finn's voice. He's lowered the ramp, the Falcon hovering in the air, the wind whipping my hair and Ren's cape.

"Rey...don't."

His voice is softest I've ever heard and even through the wind and the distance, I hear him.

His pain...his anger...and his love.

It is his love that breaks me.

If only I could believe that it wasn't another trap, that it was genuine.

If only...

Tears streaming down my face, I drop my hand.

"Goodbye...Ben."

I turn and run to the Falcon, leaping into the air just like he taught me and grab onto Finn's outstretched hand.

"Go! Get us out of here now!"

"Rey what's going on? Why is Kylo Ren with you?"

"No time! It's a trap, Poe punch it!"

I strap myself into the copilot chair, wave off Finn's question as Poe shoots us out of the atmosphere.

Just in time to see the _Steadfast _drop out of lightspeed above the orbiting planet.

"Now!"

Poe punches the switch to our hyperdrive and we burst into lightspeed, the stars flowing around us like rivers of light.

Taking us away from the Destroyer and Emphameira and back to the Resistance.

Taking me away from the man I love.

The man I thought would never have leave again.

Grief grips me by the throat, ripping into my soul and every breath is agony.

"Uh Rey...just what happened back there?"

Poe's voice and I know I owe them an explanation but I can't...not yet.

Maybe not ever.

"Not now. I...I have to talk to Leia."

Poe doesn't take us to the moon around Dathomir and I am numb enough that I don't question it.

"We're here. Home sweet home."

Poe hits the landing gear, calling out on a scrambled frequency to let the Resistance know to expect us.

Home.

Did I even know what that was anymore? For a moment in time I had, in the arms of Ben Solo.

"Rey? You okay? You haven't said more than three words since we left Emphameira."

Poe again, worried about me. I try for a smile but I feel my lips tremble instead.

I can't do this and I turn my head away.

Not with them.

I needed Leia...I just didn't know if I could face her.

"I...I just need to talk to Leia. It's vital."

"Sure Rey, whatever you say."

Our ship glides through the atmosphere, a lush green jungle that at any other time would have made me grin in happiness.

But all I feel is hollow, an overwhelming sense of loss that gutters my soul.

Poe lands the Falcon and I snap out of my restraints and head straight for the door.

I feel like I can't breathe.

I hit the button to the ramp and practically run down it, nearly barreling Chewie over in the process.

He greets me with a wave and a growl but I have no time for him.

"Where's Leia?"

My voice is harsh and it's all I can do to not break down.

A soft growl from Chewie but he points me on my path. A few familiar faces call out my name, but I ignore them.

I have to find Leia.

It's the only thought that keeps me on my feet.

The command center has been set up to blend in with the forest, even the metal is a mottled gray and green and except for the lights blinking on the screen, it is easy to miss.

I see Leia standing over one the techs, her gray hair pulled up into a braided crown.

She turns as if sensing me her face lined with age and the battles she's fought over the years.

A smile for me, "Rey, welcome back," but it quickly turns to worry as I stumble to a halt.

How have I never noticed that the shape of Ben's eyes are the same as Leia's? Her smile an echo of her son's.

"Leia," her name is nothing more than a chocked sound from me, my legs trembling as I desperately try to hold back the tears.

"Everyone leave. I need to speak with Rey alone."

The others around me hasten to comply but all I see is her, standing there with her infinite compassion.

She looks beyond me her mouth turning stern.

"That includes you General Dameron and take Finn with you."

"Now wait just a minute!"

Finn's voice but I close my eyes, I don't have the strength to deal with his questions.

"Leave us _now._"

"Come on Finn we'll catch up with Rey later."

I hear Finn's muffled protests but Poe manages to get him away and now it's only Leia and myself.

"Rey what is it? What's wrong?"

I drop to the ground, my legs finally giving out. Tears scalding my skin as they fall.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Leia..."

Great, gulping sobs and I feel her arms come around me.

"I couldn't bring him back. I'm so, so sorry."

I wrap my arms around her, my world shattering around me.

I had failed her. I wanted to bring Ben home to her, to mend their bond.

I wanted him to come home...to me.

It was over, all of it.

I had lost him...and with him the hope of defeating Palpatine.


	52. Chapter 52

**Author's Note: **So I've been accused of spoiling my readers. Well considering that I have 50+ chapters and over 250 reviews...my readers are in definite need of spoiling! So here is the second half...

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews! Reviews! **Have I left you any feels my captive audience?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I had a dream once_

_that I was happy._

_Your goodbye_

_woke me up."_

_-_Ranata Suzuki

Kylo Ren

It's those damn birds again calling out to the sun that wake me from my peaceful slumber.

I miss the cold silence of space, nothing to disturb my rest until I decide to rise.

I turn over determined to shut out their aggravating chirping when I find a more pleasant distraction.

The sheet has slipped from Rey's shoulder leaving me with an unencumbered view of her glowing skin.

Her breathing is soft and slow, her hair like a fan across her pillow.

Desire licks through my veins and all thoughts of sleep vanish from my mind.

Gently I gather her in my arms and despite what passed between us last night I find that I am once more insatiable.

My lips find the arch of her neck, she smells of sunlight and love and my hands begin to roam over the sweet curves of her body.

A sigh from her lips as she presses herself against me.

Even in sleep she cannot hide her desire for my touch.

I shift her in my arm, slipping my knee between her legs and I can feel how ready she is for me.

A quiet moan from her lips as I sheath myself in warmth.

I bury my face in her hair, home at last.

"Ben..."

Breathless delight in her voice, drowsy still with sleep and I am more than happy to help her wake up.

My hand tightens on her hip, pulling her flush up against me as I connect our bodies completely.

I grit my teeth as a rush of pleasure washes over me, almost painful in its magnitude.

"Ben..gods..."

I hear her fingers clutching the sheet and the arousal in her voice only heightens my desire for her as I hold her to me.

At this angle, I control both of our bodies and the soft, needy sounds from her mouth goes straight to my head...and other parts of my body.

A soft thrust of my hips and she trembles in my arms and I delight at her loss of control.

She is only like this with me.

She will only ever be like this me.

"Ben...please!"

Her legs rub against mine, her sweet voice pleading for release but I not ready to let her go so quickly.

"No, not yet."

My fingers find the silk column of her throat, tipping her head back so I can reach that point where her shoulder and neck meet.

I have come to learn that she is quite sensitive there and I set my teeth to her skin, feel her body tighten around mine as she cries out my name in sweet yearning.

Her plaintive cries fuel my arousal and now I will give her what she craves.

A sharp thrust of my hips, my hands holding her tight against me and I bite back my own groan as she shudders in my arms.

"Ben! Please! Please!"

There, that frantic need in her voice as I drive us to the edge.

She digs her nails into me, pain and pleasure mingling and I laugh even as I bury myself inside of her willing body.

Trapped as she was, she still manages to make her demands known.

"Now Rey."

Another hard thrust, I can't hold back any longer and she screams my name, quivering and shaking as she clamps down around me, taking me over the edge with her.

"Rey...gods Rey..."

She is utterly magnificent and I collapse against her, burying my face in the sweet fragrance of her hair.

I can feel her trembling in my arms, small aftershocks of pleasure that make me groan softly.

I swear I die every time in her arms.

"I," a shuddering breath, arousal coloring her words, "want to do that again."

So do I but right now I feel as though I am dead and I cannot help but laugh faintly at her enthusiasm.

"Let me...catch my breath...first."

Her head nestled in my shoulder, her body pliant in my arms and I can think of no sweeter image than this one before me.

Perhaps Rey does have the right idea about waking early if this is the result.

I trace lazy patters over her skin, she cannot be in my arms and not have me touch her, my strength of will is not that strong.

The birds are calling out louder this time and I hear Rey laugh softly.

Her voice holds more music than the birds and I could listen to it for a lifetime.

"What has you so amused?"

"This time you're the one waking me up."

Ah, that. The irony is not lost on me and I hear dry amusement in her words.

I am fortunate she is amused at all, considering the argument we had yesterday.

While my thoughts drift she turns in my arms, shifting our weight so that I slip free and we both shiver at the parting.

I can't stop that sense of loss every time we part.

As though I leave a part of my soul behind in her.

She's lying on her back and I look down at the beguiling woman who owns my every breath.

The color is still riding high across her cheekbones and I can see the mark on her neck from my teeth.

Her eyes are soft and glowing, her lips curving up in a winsome smile that has the power to stop my heart even now.

A strand of hair falls over her face.

"I trust," I reach out to brush the stray lock from her eyes, "that you won't complain for too long?"

Her smile widens, merriment dancing in her gaze as she lifts a hand, curving around my neck.

She pulls me down to her, our breaths mingling.

"I told you," her mouth nibbling on mine, "I want to do that again."

She startles laughter from me even as I take her mouth.

The woman is insatiable and I am more than happy to fulfill whatever demands she makes of me.

Unfortunately it would have to wait until later.

Today was the third day...and there was much to be done before I could indulge the both of us so soon.

I lift my mouth from hers, I see the silent protest in her eyes and I trace a finger down her face.

She is...everything to me.

"We'll have plenty of time together when we leave."

Confusion in her eyes but only for a moment and she closes them to me, groaning softly.

She too remembers what today is but it makes no difference now.

After today we will never be apart.

Her eyes open back up almost immediately and the glow in them is enough to eclipse the sun, her smile radiant.

"Does that mean we...?"

Delight in her words and I capture her mouth, I knew she would remember her promise to me.

"Yes...you're coming with me Rey."

This war was all but over with and now that I had Rey, we could finally have the life I envisioned.

After the was ended and we controlled the galaxy I would bring Rey back to Emphameira for our wedding.

I move to kiss her again but she pulls away, confusion dimming the light in her eyes.

"Wait...what do you mean I'm going with you?"

Wary hesitation in her voice. I frown, something not feeling right about all of this.

"To the _Steadfast_. I've already given the command to be in orbit and expect their arrival soon."

I contacted General Pryde last night when Rey was so deep in sleep she never heard me slip away from the bed.

She had promised we would do this together and I was going to make certain of that.

I watch the color slip from her face, all eagerness from earlier leaving her eyes and I feel ice coat my veins in response to the dramatic change.

"Ben," she's pulled away from me to sit up as the sheet pools at her waist, "I'm not going with you to your ship."

I don't understand why she is telling me this. Not after the look she gave me when I told we were leaving together.

"Of course you are," but the disbelief doesn't leave her and I struggle to understand why she looks so lost, "what else did you think I meant when I said we were leaving together?"

"That...you were coming back with me. To the Resistance." Her words throw cold water into my soul, stuttering my heart and I hear the desperation in her voice, "To your mother."

As if I had come so far, sacrificed so much, just to walk backwards.

To a life where no one wanted me, to a woman who was too afraid to admit that maybe, just _maybe, _she might have been wrong in giving me up to her brother.

"There is nothing for me to go back to. I told you," I reach out for the warmth of her skin, trying to make her understand, "let the past die. Kill it if you must. Rey, you are the only future I will ever need."

Rey was my home now and I only needed her to stand by my side.

She was, after all, my destiny.

Shock reflected back at me and I shake as she pulls away from me.

She's at the edge of the bed but she doesn't leave and a spark kindles inside of me.

I know this must be hard for her but soon she will realize that I can give her everything she has ever wanted.

That was why she asked me to bring peace to the galaxy.

Knowing that only I can make her wish a reality.

I move closer, putting a hand on her shoulder to draw her back into my arms and I hear the sob catch in her throat, a wracking sound of grief and she is out of the bed.

"Rey!"

She fled from me, shook off the touch of my hand...when she had but begged me only earlier to make love to her again.

"No...don't ask me to do this...not again."

Such raw anguish that cuts through my soul, bleeding into me.

No...it wasn't suppose to be like this.

Not after yesterday. We had already discussed all of this.

"I told you, I _will _bring peace to the galaxy." All she had to do was believe in me, "You will be right here at my side when I do. Together."

We would be free to love each other. Her destiny is here with me.

Even now I see her pressing her hands to face, watch the tears slip past them and she is breaking me.

I cannot stand to see her in pain. This was not how I imagined starting our new life together.

I leave the bed unable to deny my need to comfort her.

All she has to do is say yes and she'll stop hurting. I know she will.

"Don't cry Rey," I slip my arms around her, pressing my lips to her temple and silently breath a sigh of relief when she doesn't turn me away, "this war will be over soon."

She lifts her head to me, the muted sunlight catching her tears that shimmer on her skin.

Even now in her sorrow she is still has the power to enthrall me.

"What do you mean...the war will be over soon?"

I had hoped to spare her this. It was my intention to be far away from this place, Rey safely aboard the _Steadfast _before she learned of my plan.

But the early arrival of the Falcon had sped up my timetable.

"Everything is nearly in place. Just a few loose ends to take care of."

Such as the remnants of my mother's hopeless cause, the Resistance.

I also had to deal with Palpatine, but with Rey joining me, that outcome could only have one conclusion.

Victory.

"Ben," panic in her voice, "what did you do?"

She has such tenderness in her, such compassion. The people will adore her when I place the galaxy at her feet.

A lift of my shoulder as I wipe away the moisture from her eyes. Truly there was no need for her tears.

"It's not what I've done...but what I will do." What needs to happen, "For us. To bring peace and end this war."

I have grown weary of these endless battles, of the constant hunt for my mother and her band of ragtag rebels.

Of Rey being torn apart by such burdens as 'duty' and 'obligation'.

At my side she will bow to no one. All will bow before her.

A catch in her breath and she pushes hard against me, my loose hold around her broken and she breaks away from me, a look of horror in her eyes.

"Oh gods...you're going after the Falcon!"

Naturally. That piece of junk has long been a thorn in my side.

"A necessary sacrifice to end this war." Without the Falcon as a rallying point, the people would no longer cling to the past, "It is a relic from a past that should never have been brought back to life."

No doubt Dameron and the renegade Finn would be aboard. They seem to follow her everywhere she goes.

Not that I could fault them, she was a lodestone drawing all to her.

However I had no use for Dameron. He was a zealot to my mother's cause and having been in his mind once before, I knew he would never yield before the First Order.

Finn, on the other hand, might have been persuaded to come back. If only for the sake of staying with Rey.

I disliked his attachment but his loyalty was commendable and she would need a guard of her own such as my Knights of Ren were to me.

But I would sacrifice both of them if it mean ending this war.

Of having her as my wife.

Horror is giving way to anger and I blink and the vehemence directed at me.

These were not the eyes of the woman who cradled me in her arms and spoke words of love to me deep in the night.

"No! Never!"

She turns, running for the door.

"Stop Rey...you're not...!"

The door gives way and she is out of my room.

No doubt going back to her own. There is little she can do while being completely naked.

I knew she would be upset...but I had not expected this amount of grief.

I move across the room to where I had set aside my armor.

I have worn the face of Ben Solo too long. Even now I can feel myself wanting to go to her, to apologize for her pain...to beg her forgiveness.

I clench my fist and shake my head.

I need to remember who I am not slide back into the past.

Only Kylo Ren had the power to defeat Palpatine and hold the galaxy in check.

I dress quickly and pull out my comm unit that connects me to my flag ship.

"General Pryde, respond."

"Yes Supreme Leader?"

"What is your ETA to Emphameira?"

"Less than thirty minutes. We'll be dropping out of lightspeed just beyond the orbiting moon."

"Stand ready, the Millennium Falcon should be coming into range at the same time. I want that ship captured but if they resist, annihilate them."

This was the only concession I would make to Rey. I would spare her friends but not if they openly defied me.

I knew my Rey, knew how brightly her anger burned and I needed to get to the landing pad.

There was a chance her friends would slip undetected before the _Steadfast _arrived and I needed to be there to stop her from leaving.

She made me a promise. Rey does not break a promise and she said we would do this together and I believe her.

She is the other half of my soul.

I'm dressed, my saber clipped to my side.

I will not use it against Rey.

I will not harm the woman I love but nor will I leave myself exposed to her allies.

The balcony is the quickest exit point to where my ship lies and I jump, dropping to the stone beneath me.

This is not how I imagined leaving but I had no time for regrets.

My only thought was of Rey...and that creeping doubt in the back of my mind that the life I envisioned for us was somehow crumbling away.

I leave my ship hovering beneath the eve of the landing pad. I cannot shake the feeling that something is about to go terribly wrong and I've learned not to brush off this type of warning.

A glimmer of warning from the Force but I cannot grasp it.

Not when I see Rey running for the landing pad, saber in hand and her bag flung over her shoulder.

She looks like a Jedi. Her white tunic wrapped around her, the tight cut of her pants and her hair pulled back into a severe tail.

This woman...is not my lover, who promised to stand by my side.

Who waits for me to propose marriage and make her my wife.

Something retreats inside of me, a grief I cannot explain.

"Rey don't do this."

She looks ready for battle but I will not raise my hand against her.

I love her.

I have built my world around her. Around the life I want to have with her.

She stops at the edge of the platform, saber in one hand and something she clutches in the other but it is small enough that I cannot get a good look at it.

Desperation and anguish in her eyes as she gazes at me.

"Get out of here...Ren." Pleading words and a name that she has not called me in days.

Why do I feel this pain burning my chest when she calls me by that name. That is who I am...isn't it?

"Don't make me hurt you. I don't want to fight."

At least we can agree on that much. There is time to salvage this situation. I just have to reach her.

"Neither do I," can't she see how much I need her, "Just come with me."

I lift my hand to her and I nearly stagger under the weight of being in this same situation.

Only this time there is no broken throne room, no guards lying dead at our feet.

Only the quiet calm of this place, not even the wind stirring.

"You love me." Her eyes flicker and a desperate rage washes over me, "Say it...and take my hand."

She does love me...but I need to hear it from her.

She will choose me, I know she will.

Tears leak from her eyes and I feel shaken as she shakes her head, clutching whatever it is she has in her hand to her chest.

"No...Kylo Ren. I _won't_."

Her words shatter my soul, piercing me until I feel like I am bleeding from a death wound.

Everything that I envisioned for us, the life we would live...all of it gone.

"Don't Rey," I don't understand why she is turning from me, "don't do this to us. Don't walk away from me."

Heartbreaking sorrow in her eyes as she lowers her hands, tears flowing freely down her face.

"I didn't do this..._you _did."

I stagger beneath her words, _she _left me. The roaring I hear isn't all inside my head...but coming from above.

We turn at the same time...and I see the Falcon streak through the atmosphere.

I should have guessed she was stalling for time.

Waiting for her allies to come and get her.

My saber ignites as I look upon that decrepit ship with a murderous fury.

How many times did I watch my father steal away on her. Leaving mother dry-eyed but in pain as he was gone for weeks, if not months, without so much as a word of when he would be back.

How much more was I going to be forced to endure as they stole Rey from me.

Her cannons move in my direction and I hear Rey screaming above the roaring wind.

I do not know if it was for me or for her friends.

I do not care, my concentration on the blaster bolts heading directly for me and I reach out with the Force, turning their deadly energy away from me.

"Stop it! Don't fire!"

I turn, momentarily distracted by her frantic plea. Not _at _me, but _for _me.

My Rey was still there, she hasn't turned completely against me.

Finally I can the devise she has in her hand...and it is a portable communicator.

"He has the _Steadfast _coming into orbit! Stop wasting your firepower and come get me!"

I shudder, whatever hope I might have had of reclaiming her are laid to waste by her frantic instructions to the Falcon.

She turns to me at that moment and I can only stare at her...and her betrayal of my love.

Of my trust.

She was suppose to stand by my side...not leave me in ruin.

"Oh gods Ben..."

Her voice, that ache of love that I hear so clearly and she lifts her hand to me.

I lift mine in response...if only she would...

"Rey! Get over here now!"

Finn's voice calling out to her but she doesn't turn to him.

We are still connected.

"Rey...don't."

What more does she want from me? What more do I have to do to prove myself to her?

I watch the emotions chase over her face...fear, anger...and finally love.

But it is a love tinged with heartbreaking loss and I watch as she drops her hand.

"Goodbye...Ben."

There is a finality to her words that ignites my rage as I watch her run and leap into the air, disappearing into the Falcon.

If she thinks to escape me so easily then she has forgotten who I am.

The Falcon does a one-eighty turn and puts on a burst of speed through the atmosphere.

"Surpeme Leader we are coming into orbit now."

Pryde over my comm and I am running for my ship, the top open as I slide into the cockpit.

"I want the Falcon _now _and in one piece. Do _not _destroy it."

Already I am airborne and in pursuit of my quarry. My ship is fast but the Falcon has never been beaten in a race, even as old as she is.

I don't need to out fly her I simply need to stop her.

I breach the atmosphere, the planet falling away as the cold, night of space looms ahead of me.

The _Steadfast _drops out of lightspeed as I move past the gravitational pull of the planet...and I watch as the Millenium Falcon disappears in a flash of light.

Rey is lost to me for the moment. Once more running back to the Resistance.

My ship glides into the hanger and I jump out, making my way straight to the bridge.

"Tell me you tracked the Falcon."

Harsh punishment would follow if they have failed me in this.

Pryde turns to me, reservation on his face.

"They came from behind the shadow of the moon, bypassing our sensors in the gravitation field. Intelligence has already been able to track where they came from."

"Show me."

Pryde pulls up a holo-map, a piece of the galaxy on display.

"Here," he points to the planet of Bothawui, "but scouts have reported seeing Resistance here," Nal Hutta, "here," Kashyyyk, "and here."

The last planet was Wobani.

Each planet was located in the Mid Rim but moving further out.

I cross my arms, studying the pattern.

"Send ships to the Outer Rim. I want concentration here," I point to Ithor, Yavin...and Dantooine.

"My lord? For what such purpose?"

"Each of those planets held Rebel bases during the Old War. General Organa may be seeking to hide her people in the abandoned bases, those that were never found by the Empire."

"I see...an old tactic of hiding in plain sight."

This was the reason I made Pryde the Allegiant General and not Hux.

"General, I want the Falcon found at all costs...and her crew. Is that understood?"

The winter eyes of Pryde meet mine and a quick nod of his head. No hesitation, no excuses from the man and I turn away from the bridge, heading back to my quarters.

Once I am alone I lock the door and leave a message that I not to be disturbed for any reason unless the Falcon has been found.

All other interference will be met with the penalty of death.

My whole body shakes as grief washes over me. A rage of emotion that erodes my control.

I can still smell her on my skin, sunlight and flowers, hear her laughter in my mind...the whisper of love from her lips as she kisses me.

She is nowhere...and she is everywhere in me.

I have lost her.

But I will find her again.

I always do.


	53. Chapter 53

**Author's Note: **So as I mentioned when I first began this tale, this was only meant to be a bridge between TLJ and TROS. A 'what-might-have-been' and I was glad to be able to share this with everyone. Thank you for all of your love and support and for everyone who stayed with me since the beginning.

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews**: As an author I cannot tell you how humbled and honored I feel from all of you who gave me a review. It has meant everything to me.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I am nowhere where he is_

_I am here and he is there_

_how easy it would be_

_to be nowhere together_

_nowhere is everywhere_

_when I am with him_

_he is everywhere in me..._

_yet here we are in nowhere_

_not here and not there_

_when all I want is_

_to be anywhere_

_where he is."_

-N.R. Hart

Rey

"Rey look at me."

Leia's voice cutting through the fog wrapping around me and I lift my head but it feels as though someone has tied weights to my body.

Why did this hurt so much? Why do I feel like I'm dying when I did the right thing.

Didn't I?

"What are you apologizing for? What happened to you?"

"I...I..." my body shaking as I try to take a breath, tears still blurring my vision, "Ben," I gasp out, "I saw your son Leia."

Shock on her face, her hands tightening across my shoulders.

"Up. Now."

I'm unsteady on my feet but her grip is unwavering and somehow I manage to get to the seat she puts me in, a steaming mug in my hand.

"Drink. Calm your mind and breathe."

The cup is to my lips without me thinking about it. Hot, sweet liquid in my mouth that tastes faintly of mint. It's tea and her personal favorite.

I take another sip but my stomach is too much in a knot for more than that and I simply hold it in my hands.

My soul is so cold I wonder if I will ever feel warm again.

I take a deep breath but my ability to calm my mind is beyond my control at this point.

Leia sitting across from me, arms braced on her knee's.

"Tell me what happened. How did Kylo Ren find you?"

"He," my hands are shaking and Leia reaches over and plucks the cup from my hand, "came to Emphameira."

"An odd choice. Emphameira has no strategic location, no military strong hold for the First Order to desire."

Talking in terms of war helped center my thoughts even as grief threatened to pull me back under.

"Not the First Order. He came...for me. Maz sent for him."

That look of incredulity from Leia before her gaze narrows and she crosses her arms over her chest.

"I see I need to speak with Maz about withholding secrets. Start at the beginning. Why would Ben come and see you?"

That's right...I never told Leia about our Bond.

"I...he," I don't even know where to begin and I let out a bitter laugh that sounds too much like the tears I can't keep at bay, "we've been communicating."

"How? All of our frequencies are monitored. Our techs would have known if a First Order signal got through."

I close my eyes and decide that there is no point in hiding this anymore.

"We don't communicate by any channel but through the Force."

A stretch of silence between us.

"How long?"

No anger from her and the pragmatic nature of her question helps me to speak a little more coherently.

"Since I went to find Master Skywalker on Ahch-To."

"Did Luke know about this...Bond...between the two of you?"

"Yes but only briefly."

_"You're not alone." I lift my eyes and see not my enemy...but a man who has known loneliness as terrible as my own. An understanding of pain. "Neither are you."_

"How did you and my son connect through the Force?"

Again that bitter laugh comes over me.

"We didn't. Not at first. Snoke admitted to connecting us. After Ben killed him I thought the connection severed between us."

"But now?"

I shake my head, bowing it before Leia. I can't look at her and think of her son at the same time.

"It's not something we can control...we sense each other..."

"Rey look at me."

I lift my head, shaking as I brace myself for her recrimination. For the reprimand that I know is sure to come.

Her eyes hold only compassion...and something else.

Understanding.

"You love him don't you. My son."

I blink at her not understanding how could she know...

A rueful curve of her lips, a sadness in her eyes that is all too familiar.

"You have that same look in your eyes I did when Han walked away from me after we lost Ben."

"I...I didn't mean to fall in love, I swear to you Leia."

A shake of her head and a bite of laughter.

"No one ever chooses to fall in love Rey. It doesn't work like that. Believe me if we were smart about it we'd never put ourselves through the hell of loving someone else."

Not bitterness but resignation and I swallow hard needing answers only she can answer.

"Do you...regret loving Han?"

"Never." A smile on her face despite the pain my question must have caused her, "He drove me insane and we argued more often than not but I wouldn't trade a single day that I had with him. He was the best part of my life."

She reaches over and grasps my hands, hers so warm and mine like ice.

"If you can love my son then there is still hope for him."

I shake my head and it's like a dam breaks open in me.

"I...I wasn't enough...Leia..."

I stumble from my chair, burying my head in her lap as the bitter truth escapes me.

Her hand stroking my hair a soft sigh in her voice.

"Oh Rey...sometimes no matter how much we love someone...it's never enough. But it's all we have to give."

I don't know how long I stayed there weeping in her lap as she stroked my head, letting me cry out my pain.

Eventually I have no more tears left and the emptiness that follows is almost worse.

How did it go so wrong between us?

I thought we had finally understood each other.

"All done? Good now sit up."

I rub my eyes and lift my head to look at Leia.

"So what now."

"I...I don't understand."

Though her compassion remains, it is the General speaking to me.

"What are you going to do about Kylo Ren?"

"I...I need help."

"With what exactly?"

I thought of our bond, the way we connected and what had driven me to go to Emphameira.

I couldn't do that again.

I might not have the strength to turn away from him a third time.

_"Rey I need to ask you-"_

Ruthlessly I shut away that memory.

"Leia," I take a deep breath and know once I commit myself to this path, there would be no turning back, "you trained with Master Skywalker. He told me you walked away just before you could become a Jedi."

"Yes. What about it?"

"Can you...teach me about the Force? I need to be able to stop this bond...between us."

Maybe Luke had been right all along. Maybe I was just being manipulated by Ren.

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest and in my minds eye I could still see his smile.

Memories pouring through me, a rising tide that I can't push back.

That soft, dazed smile when I told him I loved him.

The tears he cried allowing me a glimpse of the vulnerability in him.

The eclipsing light in his eyes when he thought...I was going with him.

It couldn't have all been a lie...gods please don't let it be a lie...

An almost inaudible sigh from Leia that snaps me back to the present.

"If that's what you want. I'm not a Jedi but I can pick up where you left off with Luke."

I grip her hands tightly.

"Thank you."

I am both relieved and feeling oddly hollow. A shadow on my soul.

"We'll start tomorrow."

I wanted to demand that we start today. Now. This very second. I could feel the brush of soul against mine, searching for me.

I shove my pain and hurt against that feeling and that faint connection disappears.

However Leia is giving me a gimlet eye and shaking her head at me.

"Tomorrow. Don't argue with me young lady."

I snap my mouth shut so fast my teeth click together.

"What...what will you tell Poe and Finn?"

"About what?"

"About why you needed to talk to me alone."

An amused look from Leia.

"I don't have to tell them a damn thing. I give the orders, remember?"

"Thank you."

Leia gets to her feet and I get to mine though my bones still feel like they turned to water.

The grief is still there, waiting to drown me if I so much as let up an ounce of my resistance.

I had to let Leia know about Palpatine's return, assuming she didn't already. I also had to let her know Kylo Ren had been in contact with him.

I had to focus on the Resistance.

I had to bury away this love I have for...my enemy...

There can be nothing else for me now.

_Hours later..._

Night has come and I've spent my entire day running around trying to fix everything that I can possibly find.

All Resistance fighters have made it back safely, though there were several close calls by the First Order fleet and our make-shift med-bay was nearly full.

Leia knew about Palpatine but she was waiting until everyone could be assembled before breaking the news.

So here I was putting an impossible smile on my face, pretending that nothing had happened on Emphameira except a near brush with the First Order.

Neither Poe nor Finn believe me. I can tell in the way that they watch me when they think I'm not noticing.

But Leia was adamant in her refusal to reveal what we talked about.

So they've remained silent, speculating about myself and...Ren.

I've pushed myself to a state of exhaustion and I'm shaking with the need to sleep.

But I can't.

I don't want to face that cold, empty bed. Not after...my lips trembling and I press my hand to them, choking on the tears I've kept locked inside me.

I still carry his scent on my skin, rain and ice and just _him. _I can't get rid of the image of him smiling at me, the tenderness in his eyes that made me believe I mattered to him.

Our dance in the moonlight.

This is why I won't talk to Poe or Finn. Because they would sense any lie I tried to tell. All to cover up what really happened.

Because that was private. Those memories were _mine. _

Even if I cut my soul into jagged shards on them.

I'm out in the woods and away from the lights of the camp. The two moons that circle Ajan Kloss have risen and both are tinged with a faint blue ring, courtesy of the gas giant Ajara that this larger moon circles.

The stars are spilled across the sky but I recognize none of them and they are a cold light, reminding me of just how alone I am again.

Terribly...soul-breaking...alone.

"Is this what you wanted?"

I close my eyes and despair as his voice wraps around me, so achingly beautiful and full of haunted pain.

I've felt him all day searching for me.

I had hoped to put this off until I was strong enough to face with out feeling like I was dying.

"Go away...I don't want to see you."

"You don't mean that."

I turn, pain and anger burning through me when I see him standing there, a phantom shadow bathed in moonlight.

"Yes I do!" I scream at him, my fists clenched. Tears are already sliding down my face.

I can't stop loving him.

Even now I want him to hold me, to bury my face in his chest and hear him say he loves me.

But he doesn't, his hands are clenched and I see just as much pain in his eyes as he gazes at me.

"Rey...just tell me why."

"Why what?"

I close my eyes and let the tears fall, it takes too much effort to try and control them.

"Why did you leave me?"

"Because you gave me no choice."

"That's not true."

I snap my eyes opens and we stare at each other, barely a meter apart. Even in the faint glow of the twin moons I can make out every nuance of his face.

I know the shape of his brow, the raised edge of the scar that marks his face...the soft feel of his lips on my fingers.

"It is," something inside of me is breaking with every word we spoke, "and now...it's over between us."

How could I have been so wrong about him?

About us.

He moves across the glade, his raven eyes ablaze as he reaches out to cup my face before I can stop him.

"Never," he whispers, "you belong to me."

His touch, even through the gloves he wears, resonates deep within me.

He still feel like home despite everything that went so horribly wrong.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I couldn't have him and still be part of the Resistance.

I pull my face out of his grip and step back, hugging my arms around me.

For the first time I find myself lying to him.

"No...I don't."

"Rey why are you denying this? Denying us?"

The anguish in his voice, the denial of my words and I want to scream at him that I didn't do this.

He could have chosen me. All he had to do was come with me.

Something snaps and I am just so angry with him.

"_Deny _you? I gave you everything that I had in me and still it wasn't enough for you!"

I wasn't enough. I was never enough for anyone.

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes!" My fists are clenched so hard I can feel the blood welling in my palms from my nails. "Tell me your name!"

He actually takes a step back from me, his eyes wide. Now he's being cautious with me and I feel more than a little out of control with him.

"What?"

"I said," my chest is heaving and my head is throbbing, "tell me your name! Answer me!"

"My name...is Kylo Ren."

I laugh and it is so full of misery and despair I hardly recognize myself in it.

There is no trace of Ben Solo. Only the mask of Kylo Ren remains behind.

"Of course it is," I wipe the tears furiously from my eyes and lift my chin, "and my name is Rey...Jedi Knight in training and a fighter for the Resistance."

Moonlight carves his face like a mask, his eyes closed off to me.

"I refuse to give you up no matter what you call yourself Rey."

"Then that is your choice but I will never give into you Kylo Ren. Never!"

He takes a step towards me and I thrust my hand out.

If he touches me again I'm afraid he'll see through all the lies I'm building up and I won't be able to stop myself from going with him.

"No! I don't ever want to see you like this! Go!"

Alarm on his face, a ripple like a taunt string snapping between us...and he's gone.

I can't feel him anymore. Not even a whisper in the back of my mind.

My legs give way beneath me and I cry as something irrefutably breaks inside of me.

I finally manged to block him, to force him to leave. I've won.

So then why did it feel like I just lost...everything.

_The End._


	54. Chapter 54

**Author' Note: **The last chapter of Solace of Shadows. I never thought when I started writing back in January how much of this would become a part of me. I cannot express my love to the Reylo Community for allowing me this small bit of joy. Perhaps one day I might revisit our Dyad and begin anew...

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

**Reviews-**One last time?

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...

"_I choose to love you in silence..._

_For in silence I find no rejection,_

_I choose to love you in loneliness..._

_For in loneliness_

_no one owns you but me,_

_I choose to adore you from a distance..._

_For distance will shield me from pain,_

_I choose to kiss you in the wind..._

_For the wind is gentler than my lips,_

_I choose to hold you in my dreams..._

_For in my dreams, you have no end."_

-Rumi

Kylo Ren

Hours have passed since I gave the order to have the Falcon found, seeded the Outer Rim with my troops to find where she has fled.

Despite my numbers, my power, she slips through my grasp.

Disappearing like a phantom into the darkness.

Rage and frustration dig bloody talons into me as every hour passes with no new word of the Resistance.

It seems they have all gone to ground and none of my spies have been able to expand on their location.

General Parnadee tests the limit of my decree to not be disturbed by contacting me via personal communique.

"Sir."

"What is it General. I thought I gave specific orders to no disturb me unless it involved the capture of the Falcon."

"I understand...forgive my intrusion but you also gave me another task to fulfill...and I have."

Her words have no meaning for all but a couple of seconds as I recall the instructions I gave her prior to departing for Emphameira.

I wanted her to come up with a solution for Mustafar. The data I collected on my last trip should have given her all the knowledge she needed on the planet and its inhabitants.

I wanted that Wayfinder.

Now that I knew Palpatine was alive and I could only get to him via the Wayfinder my desire to have it has increased tenfold.

"Speak."

"Despite the lack of actual numbers in regards to the abandoned fortress, I surmise that at least two platoons will be needed as well as your Knights Vicrul and Ap'Lek to lead them if we are to obtain the object you seek."

I steeple my fingers and think about her words carefully. Vicrul has a gift to manifest fear in his prey as well as heighten his reflexes and only I know that he cannot call upon them at will.

Ap'Lek is the strategist, the most cunning of all my Knights. Should something unforeseen happen he would be the best to quickly find an alternative.

It is an elegant solution to my problem.

"Proceed General...but I will be the one to lead the ground assault. Vicrul and Ap'Lek will follow behind me."

"Sir you are the Supreme Leader there should be no need to put yourself in danger."

"I don't remember asking permission General."

It was something Palpatine had said, the _blood _of Vader. I had to be the one to claim the Wayfinder.

Static on the line before she resumes speaking, her tone subdued.

"Understood Sir."

"Commence with preparations. I will inform my Knights to rendezvous with you on the _Tempest._"

"Understood. General Parnadee out."

Silence once more and I turn my attention away from Mustafar and Exegol and all other distractions.

It is clear to me that there is only one way I am going to find Rey before this day ends.

I leave my quarters, there is no rest to be had here and I stalk the length of my ship until I come to the observation deck.

"Leave me."

The officers scatter at my order and I am once more alone with nothing but an endless field of stars in my view.

_ Fireflies in the air, Rey in my arms, the lingering smile on her lips as I dance her around the garden..._

Even now when I am all alone I cannot escape her and the memories she left inside me.

If I cannot escape them then I will use them.

I turn my attention back to the woman who once more has me chasing her across the galaxy.

I will find her, it is only a matter of time.

Closing my eyes, I open myself to the Force...and the Bond that still binds us together...

_Hours pass..._

I refuse to give up. Nothing, not time or distance or even the Force itself will stop me from finding her.

I have not come so far as this to simply turn my back on her.

She is too much a part of me now.

A brush across my mind, a touch of sunlight and I follow the trail, but it is chaotic and I lose the connection.

Rage across my mind and I hear the scream of metal in the distant background and I slip out of my trance.

The observation bar is nothing more than a twisted ball of metal and I run my hand through my sweat soaked hair.

Each time I think I found her she twists away from me and I lose focus.

I have to calm myself and not give in to my frustrations or this won't succeed.

Failure is not an option.

Not for me, not when it comes to Rey.

I settle myself and take a deep breath and once more open myself to the Force...and to Rey.

_Hours pass..._

I open my eyes, the throb in my temples forgotten as I take in my surroundings.

Night has fallen on whatever planet or moon Rey has taken refuge on. Another forest this one ancient with an almost sentient energy to it.

I might have taken more interest but I only have eyes for the woman who stands shaking and alone beneath the glow of twin moons.

I watch as she brushes her fingers across her eyes, the faint light catching the moisture and I know it's tears she wiping away.

She chose her precious Resistance over me and yet here she stands, alone and crying beneath the silent moons.

"Is this what you wanted?"

It was not what I had planned to say when I found her but I have learned that when it comes to this woman, few things go as I wish.

A shudder through her body but she does not turn and face me.

"Go away...," a terrible sadness in her voice, one that makes my fist clench to stop the shaking, "I don't want to see you."

"You don't mean that."

She can't...I refuse to believe that she could reject me so quickly. To forget everything that we've done together over the months.

To forget my promise to make her my wife once peace is restored.

She turns so quickly the leaves rustle at the wind she created.

I see anger and rage in the flash of her eyes, her fists clenched so hard the bones are pushing against her skin.

"Yes I do!"

Tears stream down her face and she looks so lost, in such unbearable pain that I cannot understand why she is doing this to herself.

To me. All I wanted was to make her happy, to share my life with her.

All she had to do was take my hand...

"Rey," my own pain that I have kept at bay since our parting has me in its grip now, "just tell me why."

I have to know why she rejected me a second time. Her words from only days ago, I thought I had finally known love.

"Why what?"

No anger, only infinite weariness as she closes her eyes to me, moonlight making her tears shimmer on her skin.

"Why did you leave me?"

It would have been kinder to simply rip out my heart than to leave me in this state of unknowing.

"Because," whispered words that rake icy claws through me, "you gave me no choice."

"That's not true."

I offered her my hand...all of my love.

I thought she had finally understood and accepted me for who I am.

Instead she walked away.

Her eyes open and she stares at me as if looking at me for one last time.

"It is," quiet words and I hear the love in her voice...and the farewell, "and now...it's over between us."

I refuse to believe that. I _will not _give into this madness.

I'm at her side, cupping her face before she can turn away from me.

Fractured amber that gaze up at me with a haunted beauty, the echo of her love still reflected there.

"Never," I whisper, "you belong to me."

Just as I belong to her. She is the keeper of my heart, the conqueror of my soul.

I feel her trembling beneath me and for a moment her eyes soften and her lips part and all I want to hear from her is that she loves me.

All I need are those words and we can deal with everything else.

But she shudders and pulls away from me, shaking her head and hugging her arms to her body.

As if I were hurting her.

"No...I don't."

I close my eyes and clench my fist, each breath an agony at her denial.

Even now she would rather lie about how she feels than face the truth.

Pain becomes a remorseless whip inside of me, shredding the remnants of my soul.

"Rey why are you denying this? Denying us?"

I don't understand what more she wants from me. Has nothing I've done in our months together meant anything to her?

Has everything she told me...been a lie?

"_Deny _you?" Her eyes blaze with light, her voice tinged with a furious hurt that astounds me, "I gave you everything that I had in me and still it wasn't enough for you!"

Not enough? She is _everything _to me! Why can't she see that?

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes!" A howl of madness in that one word and I watch in horror as I see blood drip from her hands where she has clenched them so hard, "Tell me your name!"

I take a step back, I feel as though she is pulling the ground from beneath me.

Why is she demanding my name?

"What?"

"I said," A wild, desperate light in her gaze, "tell me your name! Answer me!"

I know the name she wants me to give her...it is the same name she called over and over as I made love to her.

The name she whispered in the morning as I kissed her awake, the name she called with delight on the planet of Emphameira.

I cannot give her that name. To do so...would be to deny everything I have built for myself over these past fifteen years.

It would mean that my whole life has been a lie if I take up that name again.

"My name...is Kylo Ren."

A ragged sound from her lips, perhaps it was meant to be laughter but all I hear is endless despair.

"Of course it is," bitterness as I have never heard in her and she scrubs away her tears and lifts her chin to me, "and my name is Rey...Jedi Knight in training and a fighter for the Resistance."

Something breaking inside of me as I gaze at the woman before me.

This is not the woman who teased me, who laughed in my arms and let me hold her against her nightmares.

This is the same woman who I met nearly a year ago.

Who called me a monster...and meant it.

"I refuse to give you up no matter what you call yourself Rey."

Perhaps she could fool herself into thinking that we meant nothing to each other but I wasn't.

"Then that is your choice but I will never give into you Kylo Ren. Never!"

She speaks as though we were strangers once more.

I am losing her and I cannot bear her loss, not when I finally found my way back to her side.

I take a step towards her, my emotions chaotic and I see the panic and desperation in her eyes.

"No!" Her hand thrust out before her and I feel the Force inside of her, a dark maelstrom of power, "I don't ever want to see you like this! Go!"

Her power wraps around me and there is a burning in the back of my mind, a tautness that has never existed between us...

...and I am back on the _Steadfast, _my head ringing as tears of blood fall down my face.

I would not have believed it if I had not just experienced it for myself.

Rey has managed to block our Bond and there is only a hollow emptiness where I once felt the echo of her presence.

My fist slam into the ground even as bloody tears continue to fall and all I feel is an overwhelming sense of loss.

All the love I had in me I gave to her and it wasn't enough.

She doesn't love me.

All she see's now is her enemy...so that is what I will become.

This is not over between us. It has only just begun.

She will regret not taking the hand I offered her.

The End.


End file.
